OT - FRL #10 (washing Murhpy)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Hi Gang! Im baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. I just looked at the FRL #9 thread. Great Poetry! Looks like there is some interest in cats too. Some of you noticed that I havent been online for a couple of weeks. This was because I decided to give the family cat, Murphy Michaels, a bath :) Ever try to bathe a cat? Here is some friendly advice based on empirical evidence that FRLian cat lovers may find helpful.

Though the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for your life, you have the advantage of strength. Remember this and select the battlefield carefully. Dont try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him! Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square then get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding glass doors. A regular shower curtain will not do at all, since a berserk cat can shred 3-ply rubber shower curtains quicker than it takes me to get silly with one sip of jiggle juice.

Never forget that a cat has serious claws and will not hesitate to remove your skin from your body. Your advantage here is using your brain and dressing to protect yourself. Canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long sleeve flak jacket are your basic prep items. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. Cats will not usually notice your strange attire since they have little or no interest in fashion.

Once inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single quick motion, shut the door, step into the tub, slide the glass door closed, and dip the cat in the water. Squirt with shampoo. (And you thought Y2K was wild huh? You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.)

Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur and is quite unhappy and the problem is radically compounded. Dont expect to hold onto him for more than 2 or 3 seconds at a time. When you are able to get hold of him, remember to squirt shampoo and rub like crazy. Hell then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. The world record for cats is 3 latherings, so dont expect too much.

Next, the cat must be dried. This is simple compared to what you have just been through. Thats because the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. Simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel, and wait for the water to drain away. (Sometimes the cat may end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, try to shake him loose and encourage him to your leg.) After all the water drains you just have to reach down and dry off the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg.

He will usually be very quiet for about two weeks and will spend most of the time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psycho-ceramic and develop the fixed stare and of a plaster figurine. You may think he is still angry. This usually is not the case though. As a rule, he is simply plotting ways to get past your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells better!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@frl.ten), October 12, 1999


Murphy's Laws of CatNap for Bathing
{ you have to wash them so their odifurs won't alert the squirrels }

-- A & L, home to FRLian access at last! (allaha@earthlink.net), October 12, 1999.

Ahhhhh. There you are! Great to hear from you both. Hope all is well.

Now, Field Marshalls Ashton and Leska, I know you are both still very busy yet need to officially request that at your earliest inconvenience you give a brief update as to the Stealth Geese Cascadian Regiment status as you see it, or don't see it.

Field Marshall Tricia is in the bag and so her report may also be delayed. We need to provide S.O.B. with some intel, so any news would be depreciated.

-- (sonofdust@status.needed), October 12, 1999.

Welcome back, Chief! And just in time. Old Git has begun the haiku onslaught on the remainder of the non-haiku Yourdonites. It truly is a wonder to behold. Impressive, OG!

Rick Reese was right. Only poets can save the world!

one verse at a time
minds are nudged and changed. no pain
monkey fifty-two

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 12, 1999.

Hi Donna, Oh Great Lady with the Sheets. The only thread with any color on my monitor is this one and FRL #9! Talk about being behind - Sheesh! Thanks for the pointer to OG's thread, i'll start there. LOL.

-- (sonofdust@hopelessly.behind), October 12, 1999.

Oh dear. We haven't been keeping track of the fowl migrains. In an unfamiliar place we *heard* a lot of honking overhead, after dark and very early in the morning, @ 2/a, 3/a, but couldn't go out and look and survey. Since we sprung out of the shut-in conditions we have been glued to catch-up thread-chasing. Guess this means time to get out to the great outdoors again! But we do know, sshhhhh, uh, Chief, did you read thru #9 and see that squirrely business? it's sorta serious. FRL been infideltrated. sssssshhhhhhhhhhh.

-- still trying to catch up, under, over & about (allaha@earthlink.net), October 12, 1999.

A&L: Thanks for the retort. Yeah, I know about the nutty agent squirrley beeswax and have issued some stealth orders for one of our best agents to leave the nest and uncover a few acorns on this. Shhhhh.

p.s. Since these are the stealth geese we can't see them, only hear them, and 2/a, 3/a is there usual time to honk and fly. So they are indeed on the move.

-- (sonofdust@secret.squirrel), October 12, 1999.

What is FRL, anyway?

-- Bokonon (bok0non@my-Deja.com), October 12, 1999.

BOKONON: FRL is the Fruitcake Resistance League, and it's genesis is chronicled in the threads indexewd in FRL No 9.

Rob: Bathing the cat is admittedly difficult. After which you MUST NOT leave odd bits of clothing (especially HATS) lying around where a cat might find them, as the TRULY enraged cat has 2 ways of expressing his pissed off-ed-ness. The first is defined in the hyphenated term. the second has to do with a deposit of either solid waste or a hairball in/on the odment of clothes. Or somewhere Mrs. Michaels will be SURE to find it at 3 AM in bare feet.

Ask me. I have the most devious felines in captivity.


-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), October 13, 1999.

I check in to read up on the latest, and what do I find?

A returned favorite friend - welcome back, chief!

A ROFLTIP post about washing cats (why, did Floyd leave them too dirty for their own methods, or have you had stinky rodents near?).

ROFL answers to said post.

A new haiku thread to laugh and enjoy.

What a wonderful end to a very busy day.

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 13, 1999.

It's much less contentious if you just leave the cat out in the rain.

I once tried to put some medicine in our large male Siamese cat's infected left ear. I thoughtfully wrapped him up first in a heavy bath towel, which activity he seemed to think eccentric but benign. His opinion changed when I got near his ear with the stuff.

In a surprisingly short time I got scratched, the medicine was on the floor, the bath towel was badly torn up, and I decided to let nature's remedies, if any, have their way with him. Two days later he was OK. Must have been the exercise.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), October 13, 1999.

For Bokonon and our other uninitiated guests: Fruitcake Index... #0-A: Perfect y2k food? (not for the serious)

Perfect Y2K food?(not for the serious)

#0-B: Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor)

Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor)

#1: Know Your Fruitcake! (not for the serious)

Know Your Fruitcake!

#2: Know your Fruitcake, the second.

Know your Fruitcake, the second

#3: OT - Fruitcake III


#4: Know Your Fruitcake IV (not for the serious)

Know Your FruitcakeIV

#5: Fruitcake V : The Return of Sue?

Fruitcake V: The Return of Sue?

#6: OT- FRLians Unite, members only - OT

OT-FRLians Unite, members only

#7: OT - FRL 7

OT - FRL 7

#8: OT - FRL 8

Ot - FRL 8

#9: OT-FRL #9

OT - FRL #9

Hours of fun, community, enlightenment and general wackiness here...oh, almost forgot,...sanity. Hey,...any sysop types know the file location of the circus threads? The circus was also a child of the original river of fun? I'll try to dig out those URLs too.

Vive La Resistance!

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 13, 1999.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg.

Dang, Chief...must you be soooooooo funny!? I can hardly see for the laughing tears! LOL LOL LOL

--She in the Sheet requiring of Uni-verse that everybody have laughing tears at least once a day,...

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 13, 1999.

Washing a turtle is easier - but cats....or heaven forbid, squirrels?

The mind reels, twists, recoils in horror.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 13, 1999.

And lets not forget...

Grandmama's missing check
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000GXB

Now, Rob,

Having washed many a cat... with bare (not bear) arms... you have to have your Rubbermaid basin in the sink filled with warm water, and with left hand HOLD ONTO BOTH FRONT LEGS (gently) AND DO NOT LET GO! Then dunk cat by holding scruff of neck. You have to do shampoo, rinse, towel grabbing, all with right hand... or you die.

Simple, huh?


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), October 13, 1999.

Okay -wait a minute hear - or hold a sec, or hold a cat, or whatever - lettuce see if I got this here procedure right - or left, as the case in hand may be (sounds more like a hornet's nest than a bee, but I maybe in left field anyway - and I-don't-know is in right field with the squirrels -

back to the procedure - if I am holding the supposed squirrelling cat in the right hand by the front paws - that is to say, the cat's front paws, not my pa's front hands - since he has no rear hands, although I could have sworn as a teenager tht that ma' had eyes in the back of her head - all of which leads us to assume they are not the wrong hand, if any are left over after the cat is washed - and I am simultaneously trying to dunk and wipe and dry and scrub and shampoo the remaining cat parts with my left-over hand - then would the cat not be upside down (or right side for you NZ and OZ fans) during a portion of the time involved in washing the cat - and thus be tending to (on average) dunking the cat in the rest of the water?

Thus are we not faced with the problem of a mad upside-down cat?

In my opinion, using the washing machine is much simpler. (It seems to work for Hobbes' mom.)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 13, 1999.

[Time/energy-saving tip: cats, despite their claims to the contrary, really can swim. Just dry-scrub shampoo into their fur and go fishing!]

-- lisa (lisa@work.now), October 13, 1999.

Where's Old Git and gilda and jessiebot, don't they have cats? the real cat ladies are in the woodwork

-- no kat (not@krazy.katz), October 13, 1999.

EXTRAORDINARY article: seeing thru cat's eyes

utterly amazing.

-- lisa (lisa@work.now), October 13, 1999.

Donna, if ever I have to wash a cat. I'll follow your method. Not because it sounds better than Rob's, but because I don't have half the needed equipment to do it Rob's way.

Lisa, I followed your links to the extrordinary article and there found a link to this : "Why caffeine may improve your memory"


Maybe I'll go back to regular coffee after all. And I thought it was just early dementia!

Rob, has Murphy forgiven you yet? Did Mrs. Michaels have to clean up the bathroom mess, too? Are you posting from the car for safety? A hint; cats are amenable to bribes after a suitable length of time (which varies from cat to cat). One of our cats forgets anger immediately upon smell of tuna/liver. The other cats reluctantly follow suit, afraid that if they keep their snit, they'll lose their snack - Shadow weighs twice Kaos or half again what C.C. does. She is also the absolutely stupidest cat I've ever known. And the most easy going. Perhaps there's some connection; it takes energy to use your brain.

Chuck, most cats don't believe the saying, "Don't get mad, get even." They believe in doing both. While yours may be the most devious, I had one that must have ranked right up there in the top three.


If it's on the floor

It must be fair game for me

Oops, it's fallen down.


Who, me, make that mess??

I am always neat and clean!

It must have been you.


A warm sunny spot

Doesn't stay warm long enough

I'll go find warm lap.


Why are you standing?

Don't you know I need your lap?

Come and sit Right NOW!


Haiku's addictive

I find myself speaking it

Throughout the whole day!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 13, 1999.

Bokonon: As leader of this here FRL, it is my pleasure to extend to you a hearty FRLian Welcome. Long Live the FRL!!!!

Chuck: Yeah, I know what ya mean about them leaving little presents that we mostly find at 3 a.m. with bare feet. LOL. Murphy likes to hunt, and brings home something most every night before supper. It is a nightly ritual for me to take whatever he has caught and , uh, get rid of it. Marie really gets upset :)

Donna: A big Thank You for putting in all the hysterical links for our Newer FRLians. Dont laugh too much now, we need you to be able to see what youre typing!

Tom Carey: We can always count on you for good solid advice, and I want you to know that it is truly appreciated. Your solution is 100% compliant.

Robert: Good Sir, your post left me right where I left off. BTW, I think if we cross a cat with a squirrel we may get a squat!

Diane: I am glad that you have found a way that works too. We all need to help each other and stick together and build cat washing awareness, something I know that you have also been interested in :)

Lisa: Good to see you posting here and thanks for the link. I'll have to remember about that coffee too next time someone wets the thread! Since the party we have been dry I think.

Tricia: Murphy forgave me after I went fishing and gave him some of the catch. But he is still plotting. I can feel it. And Dear Mrs. Michaels wasnt home when it happened, so I wasnt banished to the car. I told her that I wrapped my fingers in bandages just to practice first aid but don't think she believed me. I wonder why...

It always amazes me when I bring home fish how pleasant Murphy becomes. He is also able to leap striaght up quite a distance and get on top of the counter where I do the cleaning. I think some cats have a vertical liftoff switch!

Tricias typing flu,

Now gives way to Haikus too,

We write just for fun.


Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@hi.all), October 13, 1999.

Ooohhhh this was so funny...I needed the laugh...thanks. Reminds me of the time I tried to wash my mom's cat Mr. Tibbs. He was such an easy going loving cat, but I thought I could bathe him (I do my own very easily). Well, I tried the hold onto the front paws method and the next thing I knew (about one second later) he had bit me three times up and down my arm and was I ever shocked at such a change in an animal! Never again did I try that!

-- lurker 13 (lurker13@not.now), October 13, 1999.

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give a dog a pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 13, 1999.

rofl Rob. I suppose I'm pretty lucky and kind of a Polly about giving my cat a bath. You see, my cat, Boo Boo, loves her bath : ) She also has a birthday coming up at the end of the month but can't stand fruitcake. I'm sure she'll appreciate a can of premium tuna more.

I'm personally stockpiling fruitcake to give to all my DGI friends and family that come to me asking for some of my preps ; )


P.S. One great way to calm a cat in a bathtub is to face the cat away from the door - taking away visual reference to an escape route...Boo told me that.


-- Michael Taylor (mtdesign3@aol.com), October 13, 1999.

Old Git...I'm going to be taken to an asylum now...I'm sure the neighbors are calling the authorities because there is a madman laughing so hard in my house...



-- Michael Taylor (mtdesign3@aol.com), October 13, 1999.

lurker 13: Welcome to the FRL, newest FRLian. Don't be a strangler!

Hi Michael. OG does have the answers now doesn't she! Now about your fruitcakes... remember it was us here at the FRL that took fruitcakian weaponry to new lows, so it is good to stockpile it anyway. Gayla almost killed Chris once!


-- (sonofdust@rofl.lol), October 13, 1999.

It being cold (f0or NC) and wet:

The gardener's cat's named Mignonette,

She hates the cold, she hates the wet,

She sits among the hothouse flowers

For hours and hours and hours and hours

Hilaire Beloc

Old Git memorized this at school when she was nine years old--but can't remember where the hell she put her glasses a minute ago.

-- Addled Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 13, 1999.

Hey Old Git, don't be addled! At least you remember that you have glasses :)

-- (sonofdust@eye.glasses), October 13, 1999.

What glasses?

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 13, 1999.

Michael, you're IN the Asylum now ;^D
Old Git, it hurts, it hurts!

Where is Hardliner?

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 13, 1999.

Glasses? I don't see any glasses! This is a dry thread! That reminds me, I had something important to post, but now I forgit...

A&L: Yep, and where is Gayla and Chris, and DiEtEr, and S.O.B., and Linda, and Uncle, and so many other FRLians. Time will tell.

-- (sonofdust@no.glasses), October 13, 1999.

Oh, look what Roy at Four Winds Alternative Energy just sent me! Shall we use these responses immediately upon a polly setting foot on the forum? I mean, I can't wait to post the fifth one next time Decker gets going!

Actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:

* I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

* Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

* Gun wounds again?

* Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

* A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

* Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken

* Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

* Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

* This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.

* Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

* I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

* You daring lousy guy.

* Beat him out of recognizable shape!

* Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.

* I have been scared silly too much lately.

* I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

* Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

* The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

* How can you use my intestines as a gift?

* Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some butt of the giant lizard person.

* You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 13, 1999.

* I have been scared silly too much lately.

My personal favorite! And a close second: "What? Gun wounds again?" LOL

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 14, 1999.

Dang, Samantha,..didn't mean to hit submit so soon. When my sisters and I were kids (way back there, almost before television), one of our times with Dad was Saturday Morning/Afternoon Japanese Sci-Fi Movies. I've got fond, fond memories of "Mothra", those two miniature women and Mothra helping save humanity. Good times.

time to submit now
mothra has come to save us
dog must share the couch

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 14, 1999.


The Magnificent and Colossal Yourdon Y2K Circus http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=000XiI

MCYY2K Circus Continued. Off to join the Circus! http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=000Yyc

The Yourdon Y2K Circus Ticket Sales and Last Call Auditions! http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=000YCD

NO they're not hotlinked. I'm too damn tired. But HERE they ARE All 4 of them (the one at the top is NOT in the humor area, but then again it is probably more about my eyes than anything else, but it's part of the Circus Tetrology.

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), October 14, 1999.

Title to the first one is something like: "Future help wanted sign, Carnival Barker" or something like that.

If you think the Fruitcake threads are hard to load, these will show you what HARD TO LOAD TRULY means. there are a LOT of graphics in them so, load and get a cup of coffee (in ASM that would be LGCC, kinda like HCF (halt and Catch Fire))


-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), October 14, 1999.

"Rules of Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good!

Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening.

He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors contrast with your own.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do which anything. Just sit and stare.

For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 & 4 a.m. "

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 14, 1999.

InFiDeLs!!!!!! FooLIsH CaT BanTEReRS!!!!! wHAT lEVeL Of skULLmucKERisH InsaNITy iS NeXT?????? hUh????? giVe YoUR FeLinE An eNeMA?????? iDIoTS!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 14, 1999.

Actually, we have in mind to give a Large Beaver Enem, em, a, eh, a colonic irrigation boost so as to increase, uh, certain irrigated energy to carry out a certain mission ...

DiETer like nutritious nutria stew? Chow time! Here, you just take this here fishing rod ... wade in ...

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (beaver country!) (allaha@earthlink.net), October 14, 1999.

LOL, Ashton & Leska! My first cat used to 'help' when Mom or I were doing a sewing project. She loved to hear the paper rustle, so as we were laying out the pattern, she'd move around on it - making it very difficult to position. Then once it was in place and we were going to cut, she'd lay in the line of our cutting. If the pattern curved and it looked like we'd miss her, she'd move so she was once again directly in the path of the oncoming scissors. She also liked doing the homework and book things. Plus she loved to bring home presents. Once we'd returned to Canada, the only time I ever saw a mouse was when she brought me one as a gift. One time, as a special treat, she wanted me to have the privilege of the kill. She was a bit miffed at my lack of enjoyment of her thoughtfulness!


The urban panther

Stalking insects in tall grass

Leaps, victorious.


Why won't you get up

I'll lick your eyelid open

I know you're in there.


I can't quite see out

Sitting like a squirrel works

To see out window.


Mantle with knick-knacks

Becomes an obstacle course

Nothing ever falls.


She died twelve years ago, and I miss her still.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 14, 1999.

The *second* time the cat sees you grabbing that steel pot helmet, it will hide in the heating duct. Be sure the cat has no access to the heating duct before donning the helmet. And remember that it takes at least two people to capture an alerted, cornered cat (don't forget the heavy gloves). A good strategy is to close every room in the house but the target bathroom. This will work one time. And if you happen to have *eight* cats (sigh) the others will learn from the complaints the first one never tires of issuing. You will not sneak up on the second (or subsequent) cat.

While washing the cat, give it something it can *almost* but not quite hang onto, like the faucet. This will occupy the cat long enough for one lathering. If you have the misfortune to get soapy water (or any water) in the cat's eyes, it can bite through armored gloves. Catbites heal very slowly, and require shots.

Rewarding the cat afterward with tuna and/or catnip will NOT make the cat less reluctant the next time.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), October 14, 1999.

Flint!!!! Haven't seen an FRLian post by you in quite some time! Remember, once an FRLian, always an FRLian. Be well.

Dearest Tricia - You really are getting better and better at this stuff :)

Now what's this I see? Beaver en,ene, emem,... Sheesh! This thread is going to the dogs. Time for some poetry.

Dieter... Oh Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeter? Good, saintly Dieter... How about one of your great Haikus? I ask this nicely and without foolishness.


Diane just posted a big Sigh,

hope she decides to stop by,

for a laugh and some fun,

now that the day is almost done,

on latte and frineds she can rely.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@more.poetry), October 14, 1999.


*8* (EIGHT!!) cats???

Sir, I am impressed and awed. How can your ownership be shared among so many individualistic felines?

We have "only" five, and it is often too many......

-- mushroom (mushroom_bs_too_much@yahoo.com), October 14, 1999.

With stealth and silence,

the cat pounces on its prey,

successful hunter.


Stars shine on the lake,

breezes whisper through the pines,

the chill night deepens.

-- (sonofdust@night.now), October 14, 1999.


Only a slight exaggeration. We have 7 1/2 cats. One of them vanishes about mid-May and returns on November 4. Every year.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), October 14, 1999.

Hot Sheets? Hot Sheets! Time to gather for rehearsal. The Elvis of The FRL, Dieter has entered the building.


-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 14, 1999.

Doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Or something.

Of cats we have nine.

Carrying capacity

Is only six. Sheet.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 14, 1999.

Donna, Dieter wanted us to be called the Moist Towelettes. KoS probably wants the Mudlarks--or King Sheets. There's someone looking for a diarrhea remedy--if they start a group I expect it will be called Between the Sheets. All right, all right, I'll stop.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 14, 1999.

Old Git, say this out loud 10 times very fast.

She sits upon a slitted sheet, upon a slitted sheet she sits.

-- (hiding@home.com), October 14, 1999.


-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 15, 1999.

deMENTeD FRuiTcaKES!!!!!

giVIng FeLineS CoLoniCs!!!!!

yoU'LL neED THosE toWELeTTeS!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 15, 1999.

If you carry all of these wet cats (okay all but the and-a-half cat - Flint, you decide which half is left behind (or beside itself) at one time in the afore-mentioned tightly-wrapped sheet as a towellete, you will discover you do indeed have a slitted, wet, moistened, slick, mud-wrestling, sheety towellette - and all of us will get a view of Donna that will be quiet revealing.

Or noisily revealing, depending on whether the cats are still in the sheet.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 15, 1999.

Youch!!! I knew there was a darned good reason for my love-hate relationship with our 4 cats, aside from allergies which I try to ignore. Claws, baby. I swell up like a balloon if one of the darlings should hook me (accidentally). :-)

The two youngest of our cat population are littermates we rescued about 2.5 years ago,...they were abandonned, about 7 weeks old. They were inseparable, loving sisters. Since about 1 year old they loathe each other...daily hissing, knocking over of anything knockable during chases around the house. Roca and Goldilocks. Still cute, although not always too bright. My dear one, Mr. Keys, likes cats better than people, so we muddle through, and I am as catlike as possible since I want to keep him happy! Isis (also rescued from the convenience store down the street) is the boss of the place,...about 5 years old, hates the kittens with a passion. Muffin,...about 6 was Mr. Keys first rescue...white persian...was badly abused before he found her...she rules the garage with an iron paw.

We remain their humble servants! :-)

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 15, 1999.

Thank you DiEtEr, Oh Great Master of the Haiku. You still got it!

Robert: Good Sir, nobody could have said that the way you did!

Donna: LOL. Humble servants, we. Yes. And lest we forget, all we need to do is try and bathe them. :(

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@bandaged.fingers), October 15, 1999.

And now for a complete change of subject : How's that weather?


Vibrant autumn hues

Turning to dull brown and grey

Winter approaches.


When I returned from living in Africa as a teenager, it struck me how little we talked about the weather there vs. here. Also how often my cousin said 'eh?'.


Culture shock is real

Small things have the big effects

Familiar turned strange.


Speaking of turning strange - hope you all have a wonderful weekend, I'm going away.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia@canuck@hotmail.com), October 15, 1999.

Old Git... LOL & ROTF ... on the cat pills!

My all time cat high was 11--two mamas and nine kittens between em. It was a rowdy time. (And no... I did NOT wash them. I choose life instead).


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), October 15, 1999.

After my previous resounding? sucess on comments re cats, I thought I'd jump in with what is sure to be another in the same vein or artery or whatever.

I find the entire discussion of washing cats to have been completly remiss in not mentioning top loading washing machines.

Lack of imagination? I don't think so.

-Greybear, who can always be depended on to jump in with some particularly odious comment.

-- Got Fabric Softner?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), October 15, 1999.

Commander Greybear! Good to hear from you (and quite necessary I see). How could we have possibly remissed the top or bottom or sideways washer. Unredeemable! On second thouht, if we embed the kitty in an noncompliant emdedded chip washer we may kill kitty, which means it will have only 8 more lives to try and get even :)

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@wash.kitty), October 15, 1999.

WOW! I'm glad you guys left a forwarding address! A person could get lost around here after missing a couple of weeks!! :-) And look at all these new FRLians!! This is SO cool!


-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 16, 1999.

Singing: Welcome back, Gayla! Welcome back, Gayla!!!!

Hey...folks...seems the Romans had some cat problems too. Observe this all too common scene from Roman daily life:

Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Translation: Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 17, 1999.


Glad you found your way Home :)


The stars are hiding,

obliterated by clouds,

unseen, they tremble.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@hi.gayla), October 17, 1999.

(((((( Gayla ))))))

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 17, 1999.

Thanks for the welcome back, you guys! This thread is really funny! I was laughing so hard I was crying. :-)

Rob, is Irene headed your way?

I don't think I will ever get caught up on all the threads. Was there anything in particular that "stood out" in the news about Y2K?

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 17, 1999.

Gayla: As of this afternoon Irene was headed in this direction, but they were not certain of the path. Some folks in other parts of the state are still hurtin from Floyd! Sheesh. I'm going to check the latest forecast now. BTW, I was away for almost two weeks too (as you can see from the first line of this thread) and didn't even bother trying to ketchup.

BFN, Rob

-- (sonofdust@byefor.now), October 17, 1999.

But did you mustard up the energy for the attempt, Rob? If you didn't, that may be why you couldn't ketchup.

(((Gayla))), welcome back! Hope you had a good time away.


Working the night shift

Has one unchanging effect

I'm so very tired!


I may or may not be around much this week. My in-laws are coming for a few days to attend Carla's school awards night. Have a good week.

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 18, 1999.

Well - tell Carla the Canuck to have fun and "Win Things and Influence People" at the awards show.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 18, 1999.


1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The DOG (no, not you, Big Dog!)

-- yerfdog (not@real.com), October 18, 1999.

Torture! And what if ... ?!?

-- meow (scratch@bite.claw.shred), October 18, 1999.

Washing windows:

1. Obtain one (1) clean, wet cat. See Rob, Diane, etc. for methods of getting a clean cat.

2. Place cat on window.

3. Rub briskly.

4. Lather, rinse, repeat. (Use new clean cat, if necessary.)

5. Dry window.

-- What, Me Worry? (mickey@mouse.com), October 18, 1999.

Was that "mickey mouse" or "Mighty Mouse"?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 18, 1999.

Yerfdog... No offense, but I AM the Dog...

stalkin' the cat...

The Dog

-- Dog (Desert Dog@-sand.com), October 18, 1999.


Think my current cats... and windows... are just gonna stay dirty. (Camoflage ya know). (-1 sp?)

(((Welcome back Gayla)))

Read the links off... New Senate Y2K Hearings - "What in the World Will Happen?"



-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), October 18, 1999.

S.O.B. This is answer # 72. Any word from Mother Goose?


Irene has turned and gone away,

Out to sea where she will stay,

We received some wind and rain,

Nothing bad this time  no pain,

Thankful is the word to say.


Wow Diane. I took a glance at that thread and Im sure there must be a lot of good info there. Is there any kind of summary or conversation on the forum available that discusses the most important news?

-- (sonofdust@goodbye.irene), October 18, 1999.


You have given the best answer: use a washing machine.

However, it is vitally important to always select the "delicat" setting. And cold water only. Otherwise they shrink, which REALLY pisses them off.

You can tumble-dry them if you want, but it can get really noisy.

-- Lewis (aslanshow@yahoo.com), October 18, 1999.

Welcome Lewis. LOL. Greybear does get some wonderful ideas now doesn't he. And thanks for your spin :)

Trica: A message for Carla. Tell her that as one of our youngest FRLians, she has the honor of bearing our FRLian Legacy in the future, and if she wants, she can read some posts from the FRL Threads at the awards. I am sure that doing this would leave a lasting impression on the school.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@carla.awards), October 18, 1999.

Aslan was just a big cat, right, Lewis? ;-)

Rob, thanks for the suggestion, I'll get Carla to answer for herself soon.


In-laws tomorrow,

Tonight I can play (briefly)

If I don't clean house.


Guess I ought to go

My friends are likely sleeping

More fun when they're here.


Can't lurk on this thread

Submit button calls too loudly

It needs haiku :-)


-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 19, 1999.

No Rob,

Like the rest of us you just need to slog through the Senate Testimony, reports and ancillary threads wearing hiking boots. (Rather like walking through field of sticky fruitcake batter, if that analogy works for you). What we end up baking out of it all, is up for grabs.

Thanks Lewis,

Its certainly a thought to contemplate.

BTW, Lewis by now has mastered the recognition of spin cycles. In fact, in your next life, beyond Y2K, have you considered opening up a dot gov and dot mil cat washing service around the D.C. area? Just a thought. (Perhaps the local cat population could bring their owners in for a purification spin). A good millennium soak?

Oh well. Its the imagery that could be fun.



-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), October 19, 1999.

I was just wondering, where is old Lon? I am so lost without his biting wit, and manly humor. I simply look forward each day to hearing his words of wisdom, and mentally putting myself in his big, strong hands.

Lonesome young woman @ missing .Lon

-- Lonesome Young (Woman @missing.Lon), October 19, 1999.

I know how you feel, Lonely Young Woman. I believe I speak for all of us here at the Old Lon Fan Club International, when I say, he is sorely missed. So many of us are just lost without his insightful observations, and his romantic bearing. I only hope he returns soon, before we start seeing more signs of hopelessness among the other women of our organization.

Gertrude Gaspard, President, Old Lon FCI

-- Gert (Pres@Lon.fan), October 19, 1999.

And Now, Back by Popular Demand - You know him, We love him, - Let's give it up for OLD LON

Hi, ever'body. Thought I wasn't never gonna get back, huh? Thought maybe I'd got myself gator et? Or maybe took up with one a them young women who are always writin' to me with marriage proposals, huh?

Well, no such luck. I'm back, as good as ever, just a little road worn, is all. Now, ever'one go look at the thread "OT Back for the road", where I've put some snapshots for ya'll.

Hope you didn't miss me TOOOOO much.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 19, 1999.

Toys and squirrels...Lon has entered the building!


-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 19, 1999.

I haven't seen any instructions about washing squirrels, and would request they go back outside and take their muddy shoes off.

Besides, they keep stealing (oops, borrowing permanently) our Easter eggs.......

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 19, 1999.

Easter??? :-)

And may I just say: Arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh!! I don't wanna go to work! Wanna stay and bang on the keys all day....I need an infusion of Spam as I must go deal with 6 confrontational but darling teenage girls!

Help me Mr. Wizard! Helllllllllp!" And Mr. Wizard replies: ??? (anyone remember? I do.) ;-)

--She in the sheet, wishing she could stay on her hilltop, but grabbing those friggin' bootstraps and carrying on.

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 19, 1999.

Diane, thanks for the link! Very interesting info!!!!

Lon, ROTFL!! Will you marry me? :-)

Robert, did you ever get to visit with Lon, or was he out of town like me?

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 19, 1999.

Gayla, my darlin',

Marry You??? What, and mess up our perfect romance?

Welcome back. I'm surprised that they just didn't shut down the internet, with both of us gone.

Robert and I missed each other when he was in Houston. Maybe we'll all get another chance.

Sure is quiet around here tonight. Bad sign.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 19, 1999.

OK, Lon... but will you keep writing down your lovely thoughts for us? I really enjoy the way that you and Rob write. :-) It creates pictures in my mind.

Miss Tricia! Thank you for all of your haikus! And thanks to you and Donna for "holding down the fort" while the rest of us have been out playing around. :-) What awards did Carla win?

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 19, 1999.

Hey gang-I've checked in on you a number of times (lurk but don't touch) but couldn't resist the cat thread. Being allergic to cats, I try to stay away from them but did agree one time to house sit (catsit?, making my house a cat house?) a white, long-haired kitty for a friend. Room mate and I thought kitty was taking care of business outside until we found a "collection" of brown matter in our dirty clothes. Unfortunately, when we tried to talk to kitty about the deposit, he ran outside and climbed underneath a car. When he consented to come out, he was covered with grease. Since we felt we couldn't return him to his owner all greasy, "we" decided to give him a bath. My room mate happened to remember some urgent business, so I (ignoramus that I was) took the cat into the bathroom. I remember lathering him up and then holding him upside down (two paws grasped firmly in each hand) and swishing him in the bathwater to rinse but then the memories suddenly blank out. Seems like there was lots of screaming and growling going on but I'm not sure which of us was making which noise.

The cat got even, though. He managed to infest our entire apartment with fleas. I couldn't figure out why my ankles itched so much until one day when I noticed little black things jumping on me from the carpet. My room mate found me standing, crying in the middle of the bed. I spent days wearing flip-flops to work (they looked quite lovely with dresses) because I had so many flea bites on my ankles. Funny thing is, my room mate never got any bites.

Now I share my lap with a toy poodle. From what I've read above, he must have spent some of his puppyhood with a kitty because his favorite position is sitting directly on whatever I'm working on and putting his face directly in mine (without licking me, of course, since he's not allowed to lick my face.) He has no problem, whatsoever, with sitting on knitting, newspapers, magazines, in front of the computer, in between me and the tv. "I'm so cute, you must want to see me." Fortunately, unlike cats, he doesn't feel that in order to notice him that he has to stick his butt right up in my face. What's with that, anyway? Is that position the optimum position for viewing a cat? Or do they think that they're doing us a favor? Quick, this is my best side?

Anyway, I've missed youse guys and gals. Glad to see you haven't lost your funny bones. I've taken quite a break from y2k-I hate to even type it. I finished my preps and am trying to have a 'normal' life-that includes 4 teenagers, a great husband, aforementioned puppy, sick dad, two elderly in-laws, 30 student, etc. I figured out that life would go on if I didn't spend hours every day on the internet, worrying about what might happen next year. Not only would life go on, but for me, it had to go on if I wanted to keep sane. (sometimes, that's a relative term!) Is y2k like a soap opera? Come back to it after a period of time and the plot line is still the same? Don't mind my rantings.

I'm thinking of getting out my mother's old fruitcake recipe and making a batch-she always made them every Christmas. They were excellent, definitely not the door stop variety. Ah, nostalgia.

Personal hellos to Rob, Tricia, Donna, Lon, Diana, DieTeR (love ya, miss ya), Mr. Cook-who I know will pick up on the 'cat house' phrase, Ashton and Leska, Chuck, Donna and other fruity friends.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), October 20, 1999.

LOL, Linda, and welcome back to the wonderful world of posting. We've missed you, too. Pipe up every now and then, okay? As I recall, you once said you liked our poetry - I'm not sure my haiku's qualify, nonetheless, here's one for you :

Sleet washed sky so blue

And sun now shines so warmly

Did it really snow?

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 20, 1999.

What's "snow"?

It that the funny cold wet stuff that causes everybody down here to drive to the grocery store and immediately buy all the bread and milk south of the TN border?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 20, 1999.

Hi hi hi, Linda! Here's the plan: Forget the rest of the forum and hang out here. I stick my nose out there once a day, but sheesh...it ain't safe! As my daddy used to say "low-flyin' crazies" out there. Peculiar species, argumentative, oft-illogical, nice plummage, but can't compare to the splendor of the Stealth Geese.

You've been missed! (((((Linda)))))

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 20, 1999.

Oops, I didn't realize that I was in such a hurry that I missed saying

WELCOME BACK, Gayla and Lon!!

So I guess you can consider it said now, right? :-)

Lon, I've always enjoyed your more poetic posts, from the lurking figure at the circus to your banter here. But you really out did yourself on your 'Road' thread. May I please print that off and keep it?

Speaking of printing off, I've been tempted to print the entire FRL minutes, but I'm wary of the time and paper involvement. Gayla, didn't you once figure out that it would take over 20 pages to print just FRL#1? And that was a fair way before the end of it, if I remember correctly - which may well be in doubt since I've only had a half cup of regular coffee today.


Caffeine helps mem'ry

Mine needs all the help it gets

And then a bunch more ;-)


Just a quick pop in, for me. Someone keep note of any threads besides this that are a good read, please, so that if I get a little more time (next week, I hope), I can play ketchup. Meanwhile, I'll do my best to pop in here once or twice a day, but that's gonna be the limit of my net time, I think. *sigh*

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 21, 1999.

Once any animal is bathed, they will stink forever, committing the animal to baths from then on. This especially goes for dogs yet cats are included in this irreversible cycle. They produce more oil like people when bathed and it smells. My theory: Never bath an animal, not even once.

-- Feller (feller@wanna.help), October 21, 1999.


Check out www.boortz.com - Neal Boortz (local WSB radio talk show host - with a big national audience and internet audiance) has the Dog's recipe for clean cats (and cat houses too, Linda? - or are they already "cleaned out") . Check out the [Neal's News] button on his home page....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 21, 1999.

Greetings Linda!

Just a quick note, I'll be taking some time-out for refreshing the spirit for a week or so.

See ya all soon.


(Managed to save a young bird from the cats this morning. After cuddling it for an hour it recovered enough to fly off. Can think of two fur-tails who could use their little kitty mouths washed out... but... ain't gonna be me that tackles that one!)

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), October 21, 1999.

Hmmmm. Lets see whats been happening since I was here last.

We hear from two new folk called Lonesome Young Woman and Gertrude Gaspard, President, Old Lon FCI . Very interesting. Now, I know that Lon is a popular fellow, and with good reason, but Lonesome Young Woman and Gertrude Gaspard? Sheesh! I smell a cat! I mean rat! No, no, couldn't be. You sure are somethin else Lon  even have your own fan club. And Gayla wants to marry ya! Im impressed ol buddy (and a might jealous too).

Linda: Well now! A personal hello right back to you. Good to hear from ya. Dont be such a stranger.

Diane and Tricia: We all need a break sometime. I should know :) Be well, Dear and Loyal FRLians. You will be missed. For both of you, this limerick:


Friends come here yet also go,

to take a break we all do know,

refreshes us,

without a fuss,

come back soon this is your home.


Long Live the FRL!!!!

-- (sonofdust@Rob.Michaels), October 21, 1999.

Hello FRLian people. We just got back from awards night. I got a certificate for a math competition and Honors. I now have turquoise hair! I would have brought some excerpts and read them, but I knew there was no chance of me getting anywhere near the microphine, and what's the point of reading FRL threads to a theatre full of people if said people can't hear you? Anyway, bye for now.

-- Carla the Canuck (got@no.address), October 22, 1999.

I see my daughter has been sneaking into the asylum again ;-)

Her hair turning turquoise was a matter of her choice and dye, not connected to her honours awards in some weird Canadianian rite of passage. Unfortunately, she has extremely thick, moderately long hair and two tubs of dye weren't quite enough to completely alter her hair colour, so she has brown streaks in her turquoise. It is definitely unique (and cooool).

It's just hair, it'll grow out. It's just hair, there are lots of worse ways for 14 yr olds to declare their independence. It's just hair, it'll wash out, eventually. It's only hair, so what if it's a wierd colour, at least she has some...


There once was a sleepy night worker

Who said, "I ought really be a lurker,

But the FRL

Casts such a spell

That I write here just like a berserker"


This berserk lady's headed for bed - good morning!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 22, 1999.

Mine's grey (gray) - does that mean it died too?

A Blue Hare day? Yipes!

A Math Awards day? Yaay!!

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 22, 1999.

Carla, ain't it fun! :-) Shaved my head in September, so easy & convenient. About 1/2" long now, salt 'n pepper. The only shower in the last house we did was upstairs, no water pressure, drip drip, too busy, easier to just take it off. No fuss or muss for 6 months now! Perfect for Y2K :-)

Last summer Ashton & I shaved our heads to support one of our chemo patients. This year I went solo.

Still sunny and warm, beautiful, in Cascadia. But soon the endless rains will pour. When there's no more sun I'll color my shubbery green. Love it! Use Manic Panic Alpine. Oooooo, the silver hairs pick it up, looks so lustrous and astral.

And this year I can think of the herd chewing their cud and laugh at the symbolism ... :-)

It's not just for kids, ya know. Those of us in our 3rd or 4th childhood really enjoy it too ;^)

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), October 22, 1999.

Oh gawd, I can just imagine what would happen if I dyed my hair fuschia or chartreuse or something or shaved the bugger off! Sweetie wouldn't notice for several days but the neighbors would bring their grandkids by and tell them, "See? That's what will happen to YOU if you don't do as you're told!"

I actually went through this color thing when I was 16--first blond, then tried to go red and went green instead. I mean, it's all right for the ancient women around here to dye their hair these weird pastel shades of blue, lavender, mauve, and a strange--VERY strange--peachy color (think poodles), but it's NOT okay for me to go purple.

I don't really care, I have NO MORE ROOM to stash bottles of dye and what have you for frou-frou hair care. I'll stick with the silver and chestnut mix.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 22, 1999.

Heeheeheheheheh, Manic Panic comes in small plastic containers, and we've stored ours in the butter bin in the frig :-) Just waiting for the grey skies to go deep charcoal ...

The good news is old gits don't need to apply hydrogen peroxide for the color to stick -- silver fox tufts grab the vegetable dye quite nicely.

Time is too short, might as well have some fun. Always wanted to be an emerald green orangatang, silky long sparkly verdant thick locks streaming everywhere, combing feet on a boulder by a lake, sunning.

Earth life just doesn't do it for me!

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), October 22, 1999.

Rather than blond, brunette, or red,


She'll catch more attention,

and perhaps, (not to mention),



-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 22, 1999.

Torquoise or not tor qoiuse,

That is the question for us ....

Whether 'tis nobler to go blue

Or to shear all and go nude...

A question arising ... as cats muse life with their toys?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 22, 1999.


I saw your Mom the other day,

Poor woman,

I didn't know quite what to say..

We just hugged and wept,

And went on our way.

I supposed she'd heard,

(But not from me,

I never breathed a word)

The news around home,

Of your astro-turf dome.

I'm frankly appalled,

But, you needn't wonder why,

I'm also frankly bald!

(If only.....I had some hair to dye)


O.K. Robert, I'll quit if you will!

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 22, 1999.

:-) Almost old enough to be a grandmother :-) Mother's not on earth anymore, but woulda liked it :-) Trying to get Ashton to go cobalt blue, to match his beautiful eyes, but he won't do it -- yet :-)

"My Krishna is blue, the tamal tree is blue ..."

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 22, 1999.

Hear Hear! Whats all this here about hair? I know, I know - Hair today, gone tomorrow! Hahahahahahaha.

Carla: ConCATulations!!!!!! All FRLdom salutes you, Honored One.

Tricia: LOL. It is hard to stay away from all us nuts now isnt it! You must be very proud of Carla. Dont worry about the color thing  Murphy is almost a teenager, was born orange, and is still orange, and nobody seems to mind :)

-- (sonofdust@hear.hear), October 22, 1999.

Hmmmmmn. A problem arises with orange...

The cat (I hare hear) has a hare that is orange

But rhymnes (and daughters) are scarce with turquoise,

And that make limericks (and lemonrisks) tougher for us,

But we shall have to avoid those who's heads (and tails) are all orange.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 22, 1999.

Composing a limerick tough may be,

but when has that ever stopped you or me,

to rhyme the word "turquoise",

we surely will rejoice,

Oops! I did it, you see!

-- (sonofdust@color.blind), October 22, 1999.

They can dish up my dinner, and pour out my cream.

My bed's always comfy, the Aga's a dream.

But one thing puzzles me, much to my pain-

Why can't those idiots turn off the rain?

-- (TheC@t.lurking), October 22, 1999.

Congratulations on the awards, Carla!! BTW, does mom have a scanner? We would love to see this glorious "doo." :-)

The rest of you guys are making me ROTF laughing! I still have a very full head of hair, thank you! :-) I don't think I could shave my head... hmmmm...

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 22, 1999.

Thanks for the howdies, folks. Congrats, Carla. I don't care what color your hair is-I think the Math award speaks of what's inside, and that's most important.

Leska-I don't think I would have the nerve to dye my hair green, much less shave it all off so I have to content myself with 'sculpting' the poodle's hair every few weeks. I did try to dye his hair green once but the food color wouldn't stay in. Dusty's sporting a mohawk on his little head right now. You're a gutsy woman (not only because of your hair color choice, either.)

Pansy planting day sweet potatoes to be dug Deodorant works!

Endless laundry piles Vacuum, dusting, bathrooms cleaned Where are those kids now?

FRL calls me I'll only stay a minute... (Who am I fooling?)

Oh, no, time has flown I forgot to fix dinner! Leftovers again.

See what you guys do to me! Back to lurking for awhile. Love to all

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), October 22, 1999.

Sure you could, if you were exhausted, stressed, expected to constantly perform, and the water pressure was a joke :-) It grows really fast! Plus it's been hot. Much prefer long Rapunzel tresses, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Wonder what all the carefully coiffed streaked/curled/buffed/snipped are gonna do in 3 months?

Will Continue will have to make rounds at the Warming Centers ;^)

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 22, 1999.

:-) How many FRLians have perfected the Leftover Casserole this year? ;^)

A Visiting Nurse just came to the house we're working at, to do some bloodwork & dressing changes. Very calm, sharp, nice lady. Ashton lit into his Y2K Wake-Up address. She Got It! Another person scurrying to the shopping roller coaster :-)

Ashton is really good at the Y2K fire & brimstone; he's a natural minister.

We've had a lot more successes with the Wake Up lately. Much to be left to this Timing thing ...

-- Leska (oops, Ash wants the mouse now!) (allaha@earthlink.net), October 22, 1999.

lol, all. I especially like Linda's third haiku - rofl! (Carla says "Mom's like - that's so me", exactly right).

Leska, we have a 'Cops for Cancer' group that gets people to shave their heads as a fundraiser for cancer research. I wanted to do that this last spring, but my husband, when he realized that I was seriously considering it, told me that while I could do what I wanted, he'd not be seen in public with me until it grew out. Wig or hat was not acceptable. I was indignant, but yielded. This is after all the same person who refused for years to tell me if he preferred my hair long or short because he didn't want to influence my decisions. So I got it just cut short, instead.

Gayla, I'll send you a picture as soon as we get one developed, but that may be awhile. We don't usually use a whole lot of film here. I'll try to get one of the two of us together, if you like. But you have to send me one of you, too.

My monitor is acting up again - no poetry this time. Have a good weekend, everyone.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 22, 1999.

The Tale of the Tiger

When the cat adopted us I was less than enthused about it. He just showed up at our new house one day and kind of let it be known that we were his people and that there would be no appeals entertained, as the issue was settled.

He would tolerate us being on his land, but only if we treated him with the respect due him as the ruler of the realm. He was a rather large cat, 12 pounds of mixed breed mischief. He had more than a few of the characteristics of a bobcat in him.

Shorter in the front legs than in the rear, giving a wedge shaped slope to him, a head that was at least two sizes too big, the classic telltale ears of the bobcat complete with tufts, and he walked like a light gray grizzly bear, sort of ambling along any given course. He had, however, a dead giveaway that he wasn't pure anything in that he sported dark stripes on his sides and his tail was quite long and had the shape of a question mark whenever he was running.

He bore the marks and scars of several battles past, and one ear had really been chewed up at some far distant point in time and hadn't healed very well at all, giving him a rather woebegone look, yet the look of a true rascal as well.

Sort of like the dude with the eye patch. You just know that he is a scalawag. Right?

I wanted to invite him to leave but my youngest daughter, then 5 years old and full of love for all things, promptly ran up to him, sat down in the dirt, grabbed a double armful of cat, and squeezed him in that little girl bear hug known to every parent around the world. I da*n near had a heart attack.

The cat just flowed through her arms and stepped aside, sat down in the pose of the glass figurine cat, and just looked at her from about 2 feet away.

He sat gazing at her for a good 2 minutes. Staring at her, barely moving his head, tipping it slightly side to side as though weighing her in a balance.

She in turn sat there in the dirt looking back at him. I still don't know just what they "said" to each other, but something passed between them there. The cat then jumped back into her lap, curled himself into a ball and starting his motor running, and from then on she was his favorite people.

They were special friends from that moment on and would go on to remain so for life.

I gave in and allowed as how he could stay, as though I really had any choice in the matter.

She named him "Tiger", a name which he never once answered to, nor even let on that it referred to him in any way, but he would do just about anything for her. He was putty in her hands, and, after she started school, his biggest delight became waiting at the end of the road for the school bus and then walking her home.

He would ride in the car with my wife on those days when it was raining. Cats just don't like water.

I found out later that he was a cat of many colors in that he "lived" at the 2 farmhouses around our area, in addition to our house, and that he spent his time fairly equally amongst us all. He would have nothing whatsoever to do with the other 3 houses in the area though. Since he had been there first, I guess, in a way, we really were trespassing on his land after all.

The 2 farmers said that he was just another farm cat to them, and that he came and went as he pleased.

Tiger, in the way of most outside Toms, would go off into the weeds of the surrounding fields to earn his living, bringing the occasional trophy home for show and tell, and letting us know that he was keeping us safe from all of the killer rabbits, the mice, a few snakes, all of the usual mixture of the lunch on the run crowd, accepting the softly scratched ears and quiet murmurs of "good cat, good kitty", from whomever was there at the time and had received the gift.

He would then expect a saucer of cream, not milk, sort of as though he had earned a special reward and that it was his due.

He would take the occasional meal with us, but for the most part he ate out, so to speak. He grew to be a full 22 pounds and it was all muscle.

Normal cat type story and who really cares? And just what does this have to do with "Murhpy" and his bath. Right?

Well, now, on with the rest of the story. I'll get there eventually.

One day, about 3 or so months later, after yelling my lungs out for about 30 minutes or so, calling "here Tiger, here kitty kitty" etc, in frustration I yelled "Hey Dawg, Dinnertime". Lo and behold, from out in the field, about 200 yards or so from home, I could see that question mark tail pop up from the weeds and start heading for home at a rapid pace.

That da*n cat would answer to the name of "Dawg"and would come running in from wherever he was. If he could hear me calling, he came running home. The neighbors thought that I was kind of insane though. The sight of a cat coming running home after being called "Dawg". I guess that was a little strange. But he didn't know that he was a cat, and he certainly didn't know that he wasn't a dog, so all was right in the universe.

From then on old Dawg and I became real close buddies too.

I worked from 7:30 am to 4:00 pm Monday through Friday at a major industrial plant about 20 miles from my home, so I had to get up early in the morning to get to work on time. I would usually sit out on the front porch and drink a cup of coffee before leaving for work. Just sort of relaxing and enjoying the world type of thing before I had to face the people again.

When it was our "time" to have him, Dawg would sit out there with me. He liked his coffee with cream and sugar. True, he took his from a saucer rather than a cup, and it was more cream with coffee in it than it was coffee, but he drank it all the same, and he loved it. He also would look somewhat miffed if he didn't get his coffee in there too, and don't even dare try to skip that little dab of sugar either. Over the years he would sometimes bring his lady friends over to visit and have a saucer of cream, or a free lunch, but no coffee.

Again, so what. Right? Well, to make a long story even more boring as well:

One of my nearby neighbors had dogs. One day I was sitting on the porch reading a book, and Dawg was out in the yard doing his "I'm sunning myself" act, belly up, laying in the grass with his legs spread, having absolutely no modesty at all.

Then 3 of those dogs must have allowed as how they would just tree old Dawg.

Well, I guess that Dawg just sat up and kind of waited for them to get to him. When I looked up they had him surrounded, and I saw him whirl around and spank 2 of them on the nose in about one millisecond flat using his left hook, and he then landed on the back of the other dog and commenced to critique that poor dog severely about the head and shoulders with his left front paw while clamping rather tightly with the remaining three legs, moving both back legs in a slashing motion as the dog started running.

I jumped off of the porch and was standing between the dog and his house, (duh!), and I could see the sheer terror in his eyes as he was running for his life.

That dog just knew that the "Dog Devil" had got after him and he suddenly developed a real bad need to get home. He couldn't seem to understand just why he was still getting whipped up on when he was running for home as fast as he could go, and I guess that the other 2 weren't trying to tell him what was going on because they had gone running for home just as fast as their legs would carry them too.

So I had 3 dogs yelping, bleeding, and running through my yard with one very large cat riding on one of them. After the whirlwind of animals got past me and I realized what was going on, I lost it! I fell down and ROTGLMAOUIPMP. Tears in the eyes type of laughing.

Dawg rode him clear to the edge of our property and then bailed out and came walking back to the house without so much as a backwards glance to see if they were following him. I have never seen such a look of pure satisfaction on anything's face like old Dawg had that day. He was truly one very happy cat, and it showed!

He got extra cream that day.

I never had any more dogs come into the yard as long as we lived there, and I often wondered if Tiger would go out there trying to bait the dogs into coming in again, as he did patrol the perimeter of the yard quite regularly.

Still, so what? Get it over with already.

He would run hide in the front wheel well of one of my cars whenever it rained, like any sensible cat would. That was his favorite lurking spot when it rained. Perched up on top of the tire, safe and dry. Sense enough to get in out of the rain, but I wondered why not get on the porch? Cave instinct?

More sense than some people show at times. Cats don't like water and that is a natural fact of life.

But you let me drag out the water sprinkler and I had just made his whole day.

Dawg absolutely loved the lawn sprinkler that I used to water the veggie garden. He would spend hours sitting there batting at the water as it rained down in front of him, turning to face it again as it came back from the other direction, flicking his ears down every time the rain would start again, and shaking the water off during the intermissions. He would jump up into the air after what must have been an extra nice looking water drop.

I really believe that the boy wasn't playing with a full deck. I mean, cats just naturally don't like water. You know it, I know it, the lady down the road knows it. Everybody knows it. Even cats know it. It's always been so, and thus it will always be.

Except for old Dawg.

I laid Dawg to rest under his favorite tree out in the front yard. He had been with us for 12 years, and he had been a full sized cat when he got us, the vet had guessed his age as 3, so he had to be at least 15 or so when he went off to Cat Heaven.

He died in his sleep during one of his many daily catnaps.

He was the only cat that my family ever had.

This is the gospel folks.


This is #114

-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), October 23, 1999.

Wish they could all end that happily, SOB. It's a great story and you must get it published somewhere. I shall have to dig up the thingie I did about our Christmas Money--whose bulk is on my left foot as we speak. But a bit closer to Christmas cos it's a Christmas Tail.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 23, 1999.

Welcome back, S.O.Bob! :-) What a hilarious, yet touching story! I'm so amazed at the writing talent on this forum!

PS- Don't tell Lon, but I'm still waiting for our waltz...

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 23, 1999.

Feels like eons, and it's only 2 days. This workin' really cramps my propensity to live online. ;-]

Congrats to Carla Attagirl!!

To A & L: My heart,... rather like the poor Grinch's, grew 3 times its size reading about the two of you shaving your heads to show solidarity with your chemo patients! ((((A & L))))

sweetolebob: Our Roca kitty is a coffee addict. Despite dear significant other's admonitions to her that always begin with: "Kitties don't like _________ !(fill in the blank, ie., "Kitties don't like salad!). We cannot leave our coffee cups down for 2 minutes, and she's got her head in them. She prefers his (with milk) to mine, (black).

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 23, 1999.

Donna? A kitty that drinks coffee? Oooo, the shape of your curtains? ;^)
So nice to wake up to FRLian home, when all the rest of the world seems so cold strange and alien

Nestle into our Fruitcake pals as we start a new day :-) nice slow weekend, hopefully

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 23, 1999.

Cold front moves through today.

Five-cat night last night--they knew.

Soft, warm, comforting.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), October 23, 1999.

Old Git, how on-target!

It's chilly down on the bayou tonight also, and our cats are being very carefull not to even LOOK at the door.

Old mama is rumaging around in the closet, trying to figure out how to curl a medium-to-large cat in a small-to-medium-box.

Big tom has staked out the back of the couch by the windows, where he can keep an eye on the Kingdom, and little tom (his first winter) is just looking around big-eyed, thinking, " you mean we get to stay in? Really? All night? Huh?"

Katie the Corgi just looks in the glass doors and thinks "What a bunch of woosies".

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 23, 1999.

"It's comin' on christmas, their cuttin' down trees,...their puttin' up reindeer singin' song of joy and peace, oh I wish I had a river, I could skate away on"............(Joni Mitchell)

Just on the player, after 6 hours with teens who wish they had a river.....

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 24, 1999.

Thanks SOB, that was a good one. It never fails to amaze me the subjects that will bring out the story-teller in folks around here.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), October 24, 1999.

Well dang! I leave for a while and this whole place goes to the dawgs...I mean cats, sheesh!

I'm not a cat person, but SOBob, I like yours, eh. Must be because he wasn't really a cat? Well yeah, I do like cats. Other people's cats. Like other people's kids, you can enjoy them for a while and give them back. If only cats acted more like dogs...not so independant you know? Cats don't like to be hugged when you want to hug them...dogs just can't seem to have enough hugs. I'm a hugger. My kids act like dogs at times too, wonder why.

Well hey! Glad to be back with you all gang ((((((( bear hugs to all))))))))

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 24, 1999.

SOBob, ye of the amazing cat story and sore fingers and toes, welcome home!!

So, Unc, where's your cat story (or dog, if you're so inclined)?

Lon, cats and a corgi? Isn't that the kind of dog the queen raises?

Donna, nice to see you still stop in. Thanks for Joni reminder, she's another canuck, you know. I think her "Free Man in Paris" would be apropos, too. And then there's "Big Yellow Taxi" - they put all the trees in a tree museum/ and charged $25 just to go see 'em.


There once was a cat who loved mice

She thought they were really quite nice

Her owner, however,

Thought they'd be better,

If they'd only stay out of her rice!


With less than 70 remaining

I really ought to be abstaining

From visiting here

But it seems so clear

That my will power is just not restraining!


And great goose leader, there are still laggards flapping around here. It looked like a full, non-stealth flock - but they were flying west, not south. On a wonderfully warm day like today, I suppose that they're not feeling any rush - we were supposed to get to 21 (~70 wierdo) degrees today, and it felt every bit that nice.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 24, 1999.

(((Chris))) welcome back with some hugs for the hugger. And quit posting at the same time as me!!

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 24, 1999.

I guess the time is coming near

My friends are working hard, I hear

So they're away

at least today

As I will be tomorrow, I fear.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 25, 1999.

Where is everyone? My mom and I are lonely. :( Thank you all for your congratulations. My mom didn't mention that now her hair is really short, which it is. Half of my turquoise washed out in the shower this morning. :( Anyway, see ya later.

-- Carla the Canuck (got@no.address), October 25, 1999.

Yep, Carla, it does wash out too quickly :-( I've found, if I sit directly in the sun for 20 minutes with the goo mashed heavily in the hair, the heat makes the color penetrate better. Some colors fade more quickly than others.

It will color the bathtub longer than the hair! Green ring :-)

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), October 25, 1999.

Poor Carla, the heir feels blue,

Poor Carla, the hair 'tis only half-blue;

The cat was a 'dawg" - but didn't know it mattered,

Mixed breed, curlied-qued tail, ear all a tattered,

Ole Git is cold, her sweetie's plane flew.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 25, 1999.

Rev 2, for you, the heir partly blue:


Poor Carla, the heir, is blue

Poor Carla, her hair, 'twas blue;

Poor dawg, the cat, had an ear mostly tattered,

Per cat, the dawgs, were mostly scattered;

Poor Carla, her hair, the wind now blew.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 25, 1999.

HEADLINE: Devine Feline Defines Deadline

Y2K Doomsday hearsay? Cat combats Democrats, diplomats, "Anticipate, coordinate, articulate, alleviate, celebrate."

-- MoVe Immediate (MVI@yepimhere.com), October 25, 1999.

Hi, MVI, welcome to our asylum!

Robert, it's nice that you came home today, I'll tell Carla to read your post at school tomorrow, our screen is off more than it's on tonight - I'm not the only one with loose connections in this household. Moreover, getting onto this thread took me AGES tonight - is forum picking up, or is it just that the server is not up to usual (poor) standards? Inquiring minds want to know.


Who needs Y2K?

My computer won't work now!

AARRGGHH stupid machine


Gee I Gee O, huh

But I can't tell what's gone in

When the screen goes off.


Kitten wants to play

Older cat prefers to sleep

Pity that poor tail.


Since monitor's out

I can play with small Kaos

But the ball's more fun


Posting without screen

Requires good proofing later

To communicate


Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow with a more reliable monitor. Too many loose screws already. Does duct tape work on computer monitors, taking care of course to avoid the screen?

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 26, 1999.

I LOVE this place and all of you guys!! :-)


-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 26, 1999.

brain's beat and haiku
beckons and forgives such things
a good thing tonight

Now I'll quit 'cos I wanna post Robert Frost...always a sign that it's time to sleep. ((((Hugs to all))))

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 27, 1999.

Sweet ole Bob, thanks for the sweet ole story. It makes cats seem almost likeable. (close but not quite)

I came home yesterday to find my poodle with gooey marshmallows stuck to his mustache, beard and chest hairs. To console himself for my absence he got up on the kitchen table and scooched himself into a bag of Marshmallow Maties. (you know, that oat cereal with different colored marshamallows) His mustache was multicolored-green, purple, and pink. I found cereal and marshmallows on the floor and marshmallows clumped together in the bag. For some reason, he wasn't interested in dinner, imagine that! I guess that's what I get for not making #2 son put away his breakfast cereal.

-- newbiebutnodummie (Linda@home.com), October 27, 1999.

It was only a matter of time until MoVe Immediate would join us. This forum simply wasn't fruity enough, old and hard enough for him until now.

I myself have reached my limit, one more nut and I'll explode.

Welcome MVI. I'm looking forward to lose my mind even further, which makes it better, with you in our midts.

Sir Rob, O Sockless and Mindless Leader, Important Ingredient that Binds the Fruits Together, please do the honors of officially inducing MoVe Immediate to be an FRLian.

BTW, I'm proud to report that my hair haven't yet turned blue (only my face.) Although I'm jealous of Carla, I'm still resisting the temptation. I still look "normal" to the rest of the world, I'm still as stealth as ever.

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 27, 1999.

Preparations progressing apace

I dare to show here my face

The only asylum

For those of my phylum

We're fruitcakes, this is our place.


My daughter told me recently that I'm a nut, but I refuted that indignantly. I may be a nutty fruitcake, but I'm no nut!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 28, 1999.

Hi guys, tis the all loving all knowing Jean. Dad's standing here tapping his foot so I'll be quick.

Words to Ponder:

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who look at a glass of water half full, those who look at a glass of water half empty, and those who look at a glass of water and say HEY I ORDERED A COKE!

So I'll leave you with this wish.

May your life be like toilet paper, long and useful.

Yours till the ocean wears pants to keep its bottom dry,

Jean Cook

Oh and PMP stands for professional mallet player. I do not play drum!

-- Jean M. Cook, PMP (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 28, 1999.

Hi, Jean! Where's your dad hiding out these days? He hasn't put in his loonie lately (inflation, y'know - used to be 0.02$, then 2 bits). Your jokes got a giggle from me on my way to bed this morning - that's quite a feat. How's school this year? You're in grade 9 now, right? Is that the freshman highschool year for you? Best of luck with it, whatever it is.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 29, 1999.

Hi all. I finally got back in here. It has been a really crazy-busy week.

Well now, S.O.B., that was some story! :) And thanks for the count.

And I see that MVI has joined us FRLians. As mindless leader of the FRL, may I extend, or pretend, or intend a very hearty Welcome to you!


Leaves are falling now,

various colorful hues,

gliding gently down.


Got to run. I plan on starting #11 Sunday night. See youz guyz then.

-- (sonofdust@leaves.falling), October 29, 1999.

SOB, we loved your Tiger Dawg story. Thank you.

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 29, 1999.

um...Sir Rob, you weren't supposed to say that according to my miscalculations; you were supposed to say "as sockless leader...", and then say something like "I'll leave the mindlessness to the more qualified personel such as Chris".

I fear sir that you are taking upon yourself too much responsibility.

I make the emotion for a Substandard-Committee on Delegation Control and Appropriation. The next person who will second this emotion is thereby named the Chair.

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 29, 1999.

Another month gone...

Time is passing so quickly!

How will this all end?

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 30, 1999.

An off-the-wall thought for an early Saturday morning before I head off to the group home:

How many of you remember when blue hair was something our grandmothers' had? (One paragraph, please,... poem or prose, grammar will be corrected.)


-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 30, 1999.

Correcting my grammar, LOL.....grandmothers, no apostrophe. Is is coffee yet?

--She in the Sheet, upon her hilltop,...

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), October 30, 1999.

"Is is coffee yet?"? Your second try is indeed an indication for coffee therapy, Donna.

Welcome back, oh dis-Honoured Leader. Chris will of course second her own motion, thus forcing a coming out of retiredment.

Nice haiku, Gayla, how come you don't do more? I will warn you though, they're highly addictive, on the same sdale as TB2000 forum.


Life is wonderful

I enjoy the sun so much

While it's still shining


Computer fritzing

Cannot bother me today

My football team won ;-)


They're quickly ending

My preparation efforts

Hope they're not needed!


Learning to live well

Is an ongoing processs

Encouraged right here.

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 31, 1999.

Trish, never tried haiku, don't know if I understand the rules.

Here goes, anyhow:

Dark of the night

Down on the bayou

Cold rain falls

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 31, 1999.

I don't think that's quite right. I know the structure is strict, but I'm not sure how it is. Let me try again:

Dark of night

On bayou-black water

Silver rain falls

OK, somebody help me out here.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 31, 1999.

Nice poetry, Lon (as always). Haiku, though, has a set number of syllables as well as lines - 5,7 and 5 in that order. If you start writing haiku, with your gift of words, you'll no doubt be voted best on the forum in no time, at least by the Lon Frank fan club and maybe a few others besides :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 31, 1999.

DUH, looked it up in the dictionary. 5-7-5 OK. One more time: -------- Cypress trees sighing

Beside bayou-black waters

Their Autumn rain song ------- Whew, gotta go now, the missus is wearing her sexy nightgown (the flannel one with "footies"), and holding two mugs of hot cocoa. Got a late-late show on her mind, I bet. Be well all.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 31, 1999.

Ooooooooh, Lon! Write MORE! Please?

Played for a few minutes with some fellow FRLians on the chat board last night. It was fun! :-)

Thanks, Tricia for keeping this thread alive...

O fearless, beloved leader, Rob... looking forward to #11!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 31, 1999.

Planes falling from sky
Tragedies, "coincidence"
Trolls swarm from wormwood

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 31, 1999.

tHERe aRE TwO KIndS OF inFIDELs iN THis wORLd!!!!!!! tHE OnES WHo BELieVE THat THeRE ARE tWO KiNDS oF iNFIDELs iN THiS WOrLD.....ANd tHOSE WHo doN't!!!!!!!!

bUT THey ArE aLL InfiDeLs!!!!!!

oR wORSe!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 31, 1999.

Good mornin', Gayla.

Isn't it grand? Cool and clear, after last night's rain. I fixed Kit a big breakfast, and we just lingered over it, looking out at the bayou. Nothing in particular, just the breeze, the water and sunshine on the leaves.

An ocean-deep sky

Mirror of tea-stained water

Summer leaves linger


I'm not sure if I'll get the hang of this counting sylables or not. Unlike SOME people I never got an award in math. And sometimes I LIKE to rhyme.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), October 31, 1999.

I vote for #11 FRL's subject to be "UFO's will not fall from the sky!"

Lon, such talent! You're told how to do a haiku and your first compliant one puts my brain in a loop.

Tricia, no go. FRL rules are strict: "Thy shall not sucumb to your own emotions".

I feel I have to come up with a haiku in my last post on #10 and earn my FRL wings. Here goes:

A cyber chat room

Wine and a few forum friends

Space, time disapear

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 31, 1999.

:-) Chris. Sleep, eating, bathing, also disappear ;^)

Planes all over are falling, little, big, private, commercial.

We second your motion on the UFOs!

Missed FRLian chat :_( Working on a compilation project. Taking longer than expected. Somebody eMail us when y'all get together again!

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), October 31, 1999.

Spectacular Love Supreme Joy of Creation Life is worth living

-- Anonymous (somewhere@cyber.space), October 31, 1999.

Spectacular Love

Supreme Joy of Creation

Life is worth living.

-- Anonymous (somewhere@cyber.space), October 31, 1999.

WOW! Anonymous, that was incredible! Stop by ANY time! :-)

Lon, it is indeed a gorgeous day in SE Texas! I love your haikus! When you write with your heart, rhyming or not, it's beautiful!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), October 31, 1999.

Chris, you mean that you cannot second your own e-motion?

Lon, your haiku was perfect - Iknew you could do it. Since you write about your weather, a non-haiku for you :

Winter comes stealing

in silent white shoes

First snowfall.


It's actually the second snowfall, but who's counting :-P Are you sure you wouldn't like some company down there on your bayou?

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), October 31, 1999.

Given the lead news story today, I must deny the motion to start the next thread with anything about 'falling out of the sky'. Hope you understand and agree.

FRL 11 Lessons from the Geese

See youz guyz at FRL #11. Rob

-- (sonofdust@lessons.learned), October 31, 1999.

aye aye sir!

Once again you've shown to us all why you are the Lead Goose so often! I'm humbly happy to benefit from your lift.

Riding in formation,

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 31, 1999.

Wait, geese fly don't they?

Still remaining one nut short of a perfect fruitcake,

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), October 31, 1999.

And thus we bring to a close the thrilling saga of the Puddy Tats, as we set forth once again in search of the ever elusive stealth geese (es).

This would be # 164, if it were to truly be a real life grown up post, rather than just a simple accounting of the way we were back then.


-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), October 31, 1999.

Pardon me SOBob sir, but this thread shouldn't be closed without at least one cat having the last say. So allow me to post this diary (any complaints or responses should be directed to #11):

Cat Diary DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), November 12, 1999.

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