Know Your Fruitcake! (not for the serious) : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread


ATENTION: Fruitcake Resistance League (FRL)

AGENCY: Bored of Governors of the Fruitcake Reserve System

ACTION: Notice of proposed rulemaking.

SUMMARY: The Bored of Governors of the Fruitcake Reserve System (Bored) is requesting comments on proposed regulations requiring domestic and foreign fruitcake supplier organizations supervised by the Bored to develop and maintain "Know Your Fruitcake'' programs. As proposed, the regulations would require each fruitcake supplier organization to develop a program designed to determine the identity of its fruitcake customers; determine its customers' sources of funds; determine, understand and monitor the normal and expected number of fruitcakes its customers have; and report appropriately any fruitcakes of its customers that are determined to be suspicious, in accordance with the Bored's existing suspicious fruitcake activity reporting regulations. By requiring fruitcake supplier organizations to determine the identity of their customers, as well as to obtain knowledge regarding the legitimate activities of their customers, the proposed regulations will reduce the likelihood that these organizations will become unwitting participants in illicit fruitcake activities conducted or attempted by their customers.

FRL members and would-be members: Comments needed.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 11, 1998


My fruitcake supply chain is all full of nuts. Highly suspicious. May have to switch to Pound Cake, and knock em in their egg noggins.


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 11, 1998.

Do the regulations define what precisely constitutes a fruitcake? Or in order to be considered a fruitcake it has to have *what* ingredients and how long must the shelf life be?

-- David (, December 11, 1998.

Fruitcake hits the headlines....


Published on 12/06/98, Article 4 of 677 found.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and fruitcake in December.

It is a tired subject--the pros, the cons, its use as a doorstop, the recipes promising you will love this one even if you hate all others. Discussions of fruitcake should be outlawed in the new millennium. But before time runs out ... (SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS , 1827 words.) Complete Article ($1.95)

Searched on [Y2K or "year 2000" or millennium] at http://

Cant seem to locake full-text article even tho its within 7-day search deadline. *Sigh*.


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 11, 1998.

WHAT? No walnuts or candied fruit? No Booze??? This is worse than I thought. What you are describing Diane is Fiat fruitcake, that is, not " baked" with anything other than confidence.

It's value diluted by 'more cake'... this will definitely have an impact on us being able to use it on the catapult effectively... why just imagine, when the fruitcake hits the fan there will be no collateral damage due to the hard candied fruits and ossified walnuts being missing!

We must start raising awareness of this with an all out media blitz. Wait till Oprah hears about this! If our fruitcake goes, socks or teletubbies or (shuddderrr) rubber ducky may be next! To arms, to arms.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 11, 1998.

What will this do to the price of fruitcakes? This could cause a tremendous increase in the sale of fruitcakes on the black market, which in turn could put many fruitcake manufacturers out of business.

Also, how does this apply to the sale of last year's leftover fruitcakes? Would those sales have to be registered as well?

-- Buddy (DC) (, December 11, 1998.

When first joining the FRL, I was under the impression it was a movement to protect the rights and freedoms of people. If I need to register my fruitcakes, I would like to resign from the organization. Like Diane, I can easily switch to pound cake. Whether the FDIC is counting my dollars or the FRL is counting my fruitcakes, its all the same - no matter which way you *slice* it.

-- Christine A. Newbie (, December 11, 1998.


The Canadian government has just announced another program that will require all Canadians to register their fruitcakes before 2003. This program, modelled after the very successful firearms registration program will ensure that Canadians are protected from violence that is inherant to the fruitcake culture. A fringe group from Western Canada are protesting on the grounds that regsitration will restrict their freedoms and that known fruitassassins will not register their baked goods anyhow.

The program is expected to be revenue neutral, and as such, will only cost the average fruitcake registrant $85.00 per slab. Jean Cretien, the Prime Minister was quoted as saying, "This program is necessary in light of the new advances in fruicake warfare, particularly the advent of the fruitcake catapult." In an attempt to show reasonable compromise, the feds have decided not to increase the registration fee for fruitcake accessories and add-ons. Supporters of the icing sugar and marzipan industries in Quebec were elated.

Cretien dismisses rumors that Mince Pies are soon to be added to the program, and suggested it was merely a Reform Party ruse to take focus off the real issue of protecting our society from fruitcake violence.

-- Craig (, December 11, 1998.

Oh NO! Craig do you think they've found out about the boney fruitcakes and they're just keeping the knowledge secret from the public? I'm glad I already have mine all lined up and ready to let fly. Do you have a Canadian source for the automatic that you're willing to share? Thanks in advance for all your help.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 11, 1998.

How can that happen in THIS country?! This is unconstitutional!! For years I've bought fruitcakes and have a huge collection. I don't go around throwing fruicakes at people either, I'm not a killer! I just like my fruitcakes. We ought to be left alone us fruicakes lovers.

We need to start a grassroots protest. Lets all email our congressmen and let them know what we think of this proposal from the FRL. I'll post a template of my own letter later for your convenience.

I can't believe this is happening! First the fruitcakes then what next? Egg nogg??

-- Chris (, December 11, 1998.

Chris: Yes, grass roots protest... Diane will be proud. Count me in too.

I have just found out some additional information regarding the Bored and the insidious proposed laws:

"One of the most effective means by which a Fruitcake supplier can both protect itself from engaging in transactions designed to facilitate illicit fruitcake activities and ensure compliance with applicable suspicious fruitcake activity reporting requirements is for the supplier to have adequate Know Your Fruitcake policies and procedures. By knowing its fruitcake, a fruitcake institution is better able to fulfill its compliance responsibilities, including its Fruitcake Secrecy Act and suspicious fruitcake activity reporting requirements."

Get that? Secrecy Act no less. What a world, what a world....

-- Rob Michaels (, December 11, 1998.

You guys are missing the point. It is well established that no fruitcake has ever been actually consumed. This has, over the years, allowed the establishment of the 'Fractional Fruitcake Reserve' system, in which the 'fiat fruitcakes' are backed by a reserve of less than 2% of 'hard' fruitcakes. The public's growing Y2K awareness, coupled with the stresses of the regular holiday season, are likely to prompt massive civil disturbances this month as frantic citizens attempt to redeem their fiat fruitcakes. In fact, I am informed that Clinton has prepared an Executive Order prohibiting private ownership of 'hard' fruitcakes. The inevitable resistance to this draconian policy will be used as an excuse to declare martial law and cancel the elections.

-- Ned (, December 11, 1998.

As a charter member of the FRL,this causes me deep concern.Since our fruitcake travels around in a circle (more or less) does that mean everyone would be considered a HOARDER or only the one holding the fruitcake at the present time? Also I have lost track of it,so am without ammo for my catapult.If I have to actually buy a new one then I will be on the list, but even worse will it harden up in timeby 1/1/00? In case of martial law, and they want our ammo,do I consider it food? If they want our food,do I consider it ammo? Problems, problems,problems........

-- y2klady2 (, December 12, 1998.

Thing is, all the fruitcakes around here are chock full o nuts.

-- Paul Davis (, December 12, 1998.

Report our fruitcake, that's the threat

if we let 'em we'll regret

lost fruitcake freedom true and proud,

let us raise our voices loud,

monitoring we'll not abet.

We need our fruitcake, without permission,

we need it for our ammunition,

so let us take,

a little break,

and protest this fruitcake decision.

Write the congress and the press,

let them know of our duress,

of candied fruit,

there is no loot,

just a fiat fruitcake mess.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 12, 1998.

Somebody else beat us to the fruitcake weapon punch.

Government fruitcake confiscations can only accelerate.

<< Italy Tests Fruitcakes After Activists Poison Two Panettones

ROME (AP) - Officials tested samples of two popular brands of Christmas cakes from stores across Italy on Saturday and considered a recall after animal-rights activists claimed to have injected them with rat poison.

Tests on Friday found poison in two cakes sent to the Bologna and Florence offices of Italy's ANSA news service. Notes with the cakes said the Animal Liberation Front was poisoning them to protest genetic engineering.

Both brands of panettone - Motta and Alemagna - are made by Nestle Italia. There was no word of any more poisoned cakes by Saturday. ``We believe that there are no other poisoned panettone around,'' Bologna Prosecutor Lucia Mustia said. ``All the same, we ask that people check the cakes to search for possible syringe holes.''

Panettone - yeast cakes laden with fruits and nuts - are to Italian Christmases what fruitcakes and plum pudding are to the holiday in the United States and Britain.

Many Italians said they wouldn't buy the cakes this year and stores were making individual decisions on whether to pull the brands or not. Nestle suspended production at its plant in Verona through Monday, and company executive Yves Barbieux said the scare has already cost Nestle at least $30 million.

Authorities said they would question members of the animal-rights group. Health Minister Rosy Bindi said the government was prepared to order a recall if necessary.


-- NoFlamesPlease (, December 12, 1998.

Sheesh! Is nothing sacred? Fruitcake Terrorists are really NUTS!!

My kitty cats are jumping up and downjkljfl;dsfhikufharuifhsdjlaksd on the keyboard really upset that any idiots would try to harm humans as a protest FOR animal-rights!! Human's are part of their food chain ... as in Meow Mix.

-- Diane J. Squire (, December 12, 1998.

The only sane and righteous people remaining on this earth are fruitcake lovers. And we're persecuted. This IS the end of the world. It was prophesized in Alpocatnyps that fruitcake lovers all over the world would be prosecuted martyrs. This is proof.

-- Chris (, December 12, 1998.

NoFlamesPlease: At first I thought your post was, well, you know, some fun in the fruitcake spirit of things... but then I went to the link!

This inspired me to new lows... I did a search on "fruitcake" and got 4,746 hits... including the following from a Fruitcake Follies Contest! The url is

"Just come up with the best alternative use of fruitcake. The more original the better. Think about using one fruitcake (yule log, anchor) or many (insulation, giant dominoes). If you come up with the MOST original use of fruitcake, you'll WIN":

one fruitcake (make your fruitcake vision a reality) a book or piece of software from Kaplan's online store

The site has an Entry Form to send a description (200 words or less) of your fruitcake brainstorm. The entry deadline still has last year though.

Previous winners included uses for kitty litter ( that should make some of the animal rights folks feel a wee bit better) and also bed warmers...Hmmm obvious Y2K implications there...

-- Rob Michaels (, December 12, 1998.

Fruitcake registreation? You'll get my fruitcake when you pry it from my cold dead hand.

-- jdclark (, December 13, 1998.

Nestle (of Italy) is making balogna fruitcakes? Is that not posion enough?

- Ah the humanity of it all!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, December 13, 1998.
12/13/98 -- 12:11 PM

Nestle Tries To Recoup After Poisoned Christmas Cake Scare

MILAN, Italy (AP) - An Italian official declared a poisoned Christmas cake scare over, biting into a fruit and nut-laden panettone at a festival in Milan on Sunday.

The Animal Liberation Front took responsibility and said they were protesting the use of genetically engineered ingredients, such as types of wheat. Police are questioning group members.

The company says it isn't currently using genetically engineered ingredients in products sold in Italy. But Barbieux said the company will do so in the future.

``We will use these products, as we do in the rest of Europe, because it's part of progress,'' he said. ``We're trying to improve production and lower prices.''

Copyright 1998 Associated Press.

"improve production and lower prices" ............................................................

-- NoFlamesPlease (, December 13, 1998.


Is that like a bridal registration when you sign up for treats and goodies? I'm not into these femimimimiminal thiongs.

'Course feminime thongs are alright, I guess.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, December 13, 1998.

We're trying to improve production and lower prices.''

I've heard that somewhere before...hmm...something about computers and expensive storage. I think it was in a fiction novel.

If they use mass produced geneticaly engineered wheat to bake the fruitcakes, won't we end up with a nightmare of embbeded defective wheat all over the world? And how will we know which are defective and which aren't?

-- Chris (, December 13, 1998.

"And how will we know which are defective and which aren't? "

Don't let 'em try and snowball ya with buzzwords. Any fruitcake that is genetically engineered or has been fundamentally altered with no candied fruits or ossified nuts is Fiat Fruitcake plain and simple. The Fruitcake Reserve Bored is not only diluting the value of our existing fruitcake but also reportedly stockpiling the good stuff for the anticipated Fruitcake Runs.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 13, 1998.

"Nestle is making bologna fruitcakes???"

Bologna fruitcakes could truly end the utility of fruitcakes post y2k! I am not sure (is anyone?) what bologna is actually made up of, but I do know that it won't store nearly as well. I am sure the bologna will go rancid pryor to the year 2000. In fact, in my limited research, I have not found a single web sight that provides any indication of y2k compliancy in bologna.

Who would have thought the FRL would have infiltrated the secret troops and destroy their defending power? Has anybody else given thought as to what this might mean for us out here in the field? Or, has anybody given any thought as to how we can test the fruitcakes before storing them to determine if they are true fruitcakes or full of bologna? I would like to know prior to putting them in storage. I don't want my compliant fruitcakes to interface with the non-compliant bologna fruitcakes - can't run the risk of total loss.

-- Christine A. Newbie (, December 13, 1998.

Rob, my friend, the "fruitcake runs" have already begun. On our way home from Colorado, we again stopped in Corsicana, Texas, at the Collin Street Bakery. Just 2 months ago when we went there, only a handful of people were buying fruitcakes. But on Saturday, the line of customers extended out the front door and wound around the premises!! Once inside, we could barely move around. It was unbelievable. We got our ammo, uh, fruitcakes, and went back to our van. In the parking lot we began looking at license plates. They were from MANY different states. People seem to be coming from all over to get their fruitcakes. Lehman's and Walton Feed have nothing on the Collin Street Bakery!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, December 13, 1998.

Ah Gayla, welcome back. Please tell me this isn't so. A run already? I should not be too surprised... Took the family to Fruitcake Depot and while there wasn't a run, the shelves were none too well stocked. It is beginning to look like time to consider midnight gardening to protect our existing stash. One question though, what will this do to the soil if any of the fruitcake isn't properly stored? Would this result in our non-hybrid seeds having mutant offspring????

-- Rob Michaels (, December 13, 1998.

The real question is, can bologna fruitcakes grow, once planted in the ground? What will they grow into?

Remember "Little Shop of Horrors?" THIS is serious. The FRL must take immediate and decisive action.


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 13, 1998.

DOWN WITH THE FRL!! Can't you see they're the cause of the problem?! Diane I thought you were smarter than that. Do your research. You don't seem to "get it". Polyannas like you are dangerously spreading faulse positive rumors. Sheeple will go back to sleep thinking the FRL has it all under control. You bet they have it all under control, WE are under THEIR control!!

-- Chris (, December 13, 1998.

Well, Chris, we could just let them, unsuspecting, plant the bologna fruitcakes, and let them mutate, uh, grow. Seems unethical somehow. Kind'a like Washington. Maybe the radioactive splinter group of the FRL can shed a little green glowing light on the national fruitcake issue, uh, crisis.


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 13, 1998.

Chris: I'm surprised at you! Have you forgotten that the FRL is an underground movement.You are needed here. There is important work to be done. Be part of the FRL solution. We don't have much time. Reconsider. Please?

-- Rob Michaels (, December 13, 1998.

It appears that there exist two factions of the FRL. Many of us reporting to this thread were some of the FRL original members (Diane, Robert, Rob, etc.). I for one, am proud to serve for such a notable and trustworthy cause. However, the original post to this thread speaks of such things as registering fruitcakes - all under the guise of protecting the fruitcake as we know it.

Its a dangerous world out there folks! How can we be a part of an underground movement that supports the very things we should fighting against?

Who knows, maybe these bologna fruitcakes are part of a conspiracy by the pseudo-FRL to break up our forces. Maybe we can send a Yourdonite on an undercover/foil investigation to find out the root of all this confusion?

-- Christine Not A. Newbie Anymore (, December 13, 1998.

For years I've bought fruitcakes and have a huge collection.

Yes I've always wondered about you.....

Isn't the fungi settling in, maybe you keep the older vintages in a cellar then bore everyone with your vast knowledge of the fruitcake producing chateaux of bordeau.

The champenois FCs have to be subject to remulage, ie shaken, unplugged and disgorged every so often.

Hey isn't that what happens to unk's "guests".

-- Richard Dale (, December 14, 1998.

Christine, YOU are getting it! There is hope in this world. You can't trust anyone in this world but yourself. Read between the lines. All this fancy language in propositions/legislations/shmislations is a smoke screen, the fancier the more dangerous. Don't let yourself get lost among the fancy sentences, keep your eye on the big picture, the idea of what is being said. The B.O.R.E.D. want nothing less than to grab all the fruicakes for themselves, and what better way of doing that but to have you think that requiring fruitcake suppliers to register all the fruitcakes will protect the supply from the "illicit fruitcake activities", criminals? They will know EXACTLY where EACH and EVERYONE fruitcake is, and while you're sleeping, the B.O.R.E.D. of LOOTERS will get them!

Wake up people!!

-- Chris (, December 14, 1998.

Richard dear, I wouldn't know anything about the fruitcakes produced in Bordeaux. I'm a fruitcake lover, not conaisseur. Only the french are conaisseurs of their own fruitcakes. Takes one to know one. But I do know a thing or two about fruitcakes produced in California, and to tell you the truth, they taste better to my palate, and I don't have to worry about the vintage year they come from, or their fungi content. Each year is a good as the previous. French fruitcakes are lethal one year, passable the next.

One must have a reliable fruitcake arsenal to entertain the enemy.

-- Chris (, December 14, 1998.

The Fractional Fruitcake Reserve, as represented by the Bored, and in conjunction with the FDIC (Fruitcake deposit insurance corp.) are the enemy. We of the FRL have pledged to protect our fuitcake freedoms, including the quality of fruitcake, and stand as the only barrier to this evil "Know Your Fruitcake" porposal. Hope this makes things clearer.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 14, 1998.

Mr. Michaels, my apologies!! The acronyms got me confused, I mistook the FRS for the FRL! (blushing profusely.)

Well dang, I'll join! I'll even pitch in some of my fruitcakes for the cause.

-- Chris (, December 14, 1998.

Everybody DUCK! Chris is pitching fruitcakes!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, December 14, 1998.

Yes but can any of us hit them? What are the FRL team's fruitcake batting averages?


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 14, 1998.

If they are thrown with enough velocity and are fiat fruitcake they will likely come apart due to the lack of hard candied fruits and nuts. This would result in Unidentified Fruitcake Objects and may 'trip the fence' at NORAD. Welcome back Chris, and thank you for your unselfish and generous can stop pitching now.

Latest info: We have found an ally in the credit unions, that for now are not impacted by the "Know Your Fruitcake" proposal in its current form. In addition to our midnight gardening, we may have an alternative to safely store our hard-earned fruitcakes there. Also, lets all consider sending Congressman Ron Paul (R- Texas) a non-fiat fruitcake this holiday season for his efforts to help the FRL against the evil plot.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 14, 1998.

Chris, you should never pitch fruitcakes. As previously discussed, slingshots are much better for attaining the velocity and distance generally needed.

Everybody, please quiet down. If we are going to beat the F - one of the acronyms...we'll have to do it in an organized manner.

I will volunteer for the undercover investigation...

Be back soon...

-- Christine A. Newbie (, December 14, 1998.

Christine, where do you get your information on slingshots from? A catapult is much better. I happen to be an expert on fruitcakes, and here's the proof:

Perfect Y2K food?

Nice name btw, I'm Christine too...shhhh don't tell anyone ;)

-- Chris (, December 14, 1998.

Chris - First, your secret is safe with me. I won't tell a soul. I kinda like the name too. It works anyway, anytime someone says Christine I turn my head. I wonder how my parents knew everyone would call me Christine?

But that's a different story.

I remember the thread well, I even went back to visit. I didn't see anything on catapaults, tho'. As I see it, catapaults are too cumbersome. Slingshots, as Diana reminded us, could easily be made from any local tree branch etc. Also, they fit in your back pocket. Although, the fruitcakes don't fit in your back pocket.

Although, in small Y2K communities, I see the catapault as a revolutionary tool. Much more of a team-like scenario.

-- Christine Not A. Newbie Anymore (, December 15, 1998.

I like your team spirit Christine, and obvious expertise with slingshots. You are on point!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 15, 1998.

Fruitcake postings make us glad,

Who can read these and be sad,

Y2K, well its so serious,

That we would all soon be delirious,

Without some humor, it 'd be bad.

Some folks they post limericks,

With clever words they work their tricks,

Writing rhymes,

That have five lines,

Their humor is our sadness fix.

Off-topic, laughter cannot be,

Read silly threads, you will agree,

That you feel better,

And sometines wetter,

From laughing so hard you have to ---!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 16, 1998.

Rob, LOL ( or should that be ROFLTIP )! Thanks!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 16, 1998.

Tricia: ROTFLTIP... I really like it! With creativity like that, you will always be honored here at the Fruitcake Fraternity!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 16, 1998.

Christine - who are you investigating uncovers with?

With whom are you investigating undercovers? Whose undercovers are you investigating? Whom are youm investigating undercovers withm?

How do I phrase this question with getting deeper into it? What happens when the undercovers get caught in the fruticake-laden fan? How would an undercover english teacher expose this situation? Would an uncover english teacher be teaching french?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, December 17, 1998.

Cook, Robert A.

Re: Christine - I think you have it covered!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 17, 1998.

First of all, I hope that an english teacher doesn't expose anything! (under the covers or not) - I just don't want to go there. Secondly, an undercover English Teacher is probably sleeping.

As for the investigation. It was a bust. Seriously, a bust. The bust resembled a large troll (not sure who the sculptor was tho'). I had to get there by walking over many bridges. Difficult, difficult, I tell you. Alas, I was too slow in recovering the info. I see that the Yourdonite forum is already at war.

-- Christine A. Newbie (, December 17, 1998.

Nope, I'm awake.

-- Gayla Dunbar (, December 18, 1998.

To the top.

-- Richard Dale (, December 18, 1998.

Fiat fruitcake has more cake, If you fling it, it will break, No candied fruit, It will dilute, Fiat fruitcake is a fake!

Gather up real fruitcake rounds, Lock and load, fruitcake bound, In the air, It is fair, The enemy, it has found.

Let us help Christine uncover, All the fruitcakes that can hover, Catapult and slingshot true, Through the air and sky so blue, At battles end we will recover.

We can use stealth rubber ducky, This will make us extra lucky, Flying in the dark of night, Fruitcake tracers mark their flight, Aim them towards the mucky muckys!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 18, 1998.

How timely! ory.cgi?o0406_AM_OR--GulfGift&OR&news&ornews

Pass The Fruitcake: Harry & David Sends Gift Baskets To Troops In Gulf

.... (AP) -- Call it "Operation Fruitcakes to Iraq."
Harry & David shipped 2,000 boxes of its trademark "Fruit Confection" cakes to Bahrain today for distribution to U.S. troops involved in Operation Desert Fox.

Asked what Harry & David will do if the troops ask for seconds, Williams replied: "We can always send them more."
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (, December 19, 1998.

Leska: ROFLMAO, ROFLTIP! They found out about our secret fruitcake weapon, but still no mention of the stealth rubber duckies. Notice the name: Operation Fox... something about it just didn't sound right to me. Now, after looking at your post and the link, I know why. It really is Operation Fruitcake!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 19, 1998.

Rob Michaels, Foxy Fruitcakes, hhmmm, makes ya wonder who all lurks here, eh? ;-} Sshhh 'bout dem rubber duckies; they don't know what we've got cached in them yet. Truth is stranger than fiction, gotta laugh til it hurts. Suffering from a case of cognizance parallel dislocation. Next, Operation Ducky. Stay tuned.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 19, 1998.

Omigod Leska! What have you done?! You've exposed our "Operation Fruitcake" to the world! On the INTERNET! That makes you traitor! =:o

-- Chris (, December 19, 1998.

Hardly, Chris, actually I have bravely engaged in covert intelligence recon and found Foxy infiltration in ammo surveilance. Today we must rally together to defy the Iraq-headed depletions and rush our storage operation. The Europeans and Arabs are now being pelted with 40% genuine-article fruitcakes. This is an unexpected twist! Somebody come up with a salvage plan.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, December 19, 1998.

Now that Operation Fruitcake has been 'suspended', do we still need a salvage plan?

-- Rob Michaels (, December 20, 1998.

Could duct tape fix it?

From Tom (Jean's brother): What is more versatile, duct tape or fruitcake?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 20, 1998.

They are both indespensible for survival. Can't imagine repairing a car hose with fruitcake. A soldier saw a flying fruitcake, and knew what to do... he duct.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 20, 1998.

Uh...Tom, you should probably get another opinion on this duct tape question besides mine. You see..., well..., I suffer from DTC - Duct Tape Compulsiveness. It has a habit of finding its way into my shopping cart whenver I see it. Sometimes I get home and unpack what I bought and there it is, and I don't even remember buying it. My garage is full of all kinds of stuff, everything except my car... but especially duct tape. I think I may need help. Perhaps there is a good support group... DTA? Just wanted you to know.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 20, 1998.

Rob Michaels;

You believe as I do -- that if you can't fix it with duct tape that sucker is really broke and must be replaced?


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 20, 1998.

S.O.B. - I'm confused... you have never asked such a perplexing question before. Doesn't everybody know this and feel this way?

If it can't be fixed with duct,

then truly you are out of luck!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 20, 1998.

Rob Michaels;

I didn't mean to get so crafty.

I just wanted to make sure that you were you and some other you wasn't trying to be you just to fool dumb ole me again.

O.K. I'm satisfied - he was who he was just as he was when last he was.



-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 20, 1998.

Thanks, all. I'm laughitng so hard I can hardly type. Just what I needed after a 'fruitless' vistit to the local flea market.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 20, 1998.

A frozen fruitless flea market? - Run for the hills (and dales), the shortages have started already..............Oh the humanity!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 21, 1998.

" ...but especially duct tape. I think I may need help. Perhaps there is a good support group... DTA? Just wanted you to know. "

I know the feeling Rob. No one understands me, no one understands why I should love fruitcake so much. My collection must be one of the biggest in the States, of all sorts; dark spicy nutty types, light fluffy fruitier types, hard types, soft types, whiskey types, beer types. All are nutty and fruity, but at different levels of nuttyness or fruityness. I appreciate the subtleties in all types. One really must block out all other distractions and concentrate on the sensations each type gives...oh sorry Rob, am I boring you? I didn't mean to, it's just that I love fruitcakes so much...

Well anyway, I too would like to start a support group for my addiction...perhaps we could "tie" both groups together and start a Duct Tape the Fruitcake Lovers' Heart group?

-- Chris (, December 21, 1998.

You know Chris, you are right about the tie. May I suggest that this really may go even further. There are so many of us here, supporting each other in our common Fruitcake bond, that we can be our own FRL support group, not only for fruitcake and duct tape, but for anything that we may need help with. Now that you and I have admitted our transgressions, I'm sure we both feel better. Maybe other FRL posters will want to join us. Maybe, like us, they were just waiting for this to come up.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

Does fruitcake rise to the occaision? Or does it require a leavening playing field?

Given that fruitcake is apparently heavier than hot air, where does it fall in a political debate?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 21, 1998.

Could real (TRUE) fruit cake wrapped in TRUE duct tape be considered the ultimate weapon in our wars against all evils?

Would non-compliant (FALSE) fruitcake wrapped in generic duct tape then be considered a shorter range weapon in case we get too close to the evils?

I believe that only the true and compliant stealth geese should be used to deliver the true ductcakes, and that the rubber duckies be reserved solely for usage with the false (light weight) ductcakes.

This is due to the facts that the geese can fly farther and carry more weight than can a rubber duckie, and a true ductcake must weigh more than the generic non-compliant ductcake of the same size.

Perhaps, in light of the current temporary truce in effect with the "booger of the day", we can run practice runs on Washington to test these theories? This would also be of great use in the coming asault of the dread Canuckians, should they attempt yet again to infiltrate our unmanned borders and raid the land of milk and honey that is currently under the command of Uncle Deedah. This could only be done with the help of those geese which have seen the light and came over to our side. I've noticed quite a lot of them of late. I'll ask one of the local natives (they too speak French) to inquire about the deal and I'll get back to you soonest.


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 21, 1998.

"I believe that only the true and compliant stealth geese should be used to deliver the true ductcakes,... "

This is a sound strategy for 'hardened' targets S.O.B., and we can use the duckies for deliverance of the fiatcakes, preferable without duct, on dispersed targets and so have a higher coinfidence of collateral damage from the Unidentifiable Fruitcake Objects.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

-- Rob Michaels;

>>This is a sound strategy for 'hardened' targets S.O.B., and we can use the duckies for deliverance of the fiatcakes, preferable without duct, on dispersed targets and so have a higher coinfidence of collateral damage from the Unidentifiable Fruitcake Objects.<<

-- Rob Michaels


This does however mean that we will be using de-duct duckies. Is this IAW the Geneva conventions?

Must we "goose the geese" just to allow for equal treatment? Will they cackle and squack about this treatment? Will this involve the entire gaggle or just selected "volunteer" members?

Pending your reply I will proceed with the afore mentioned plan re: stealth masked ductcakes/goose(i).


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 21, 1998.

There are now relaible reports of "unnamed but probably geese of Canadianian origin" that have stopped in the KS and IL regions. Apparently, they (on their way south to more temperature climes) found they did not need to go all the way to our hallowed Gulf Coast region. (It being very warm up near St Louis and all.)

So - it brings a problem. First are these true Canadianain geese? Are they false Canadiaian geese? Or just "misled" Canadaiaian geese? Since they did in fact fly part way South, are they misfled Canadaiaian geese?

If so, can we trust these "misfled" Canadianain geese with fruitcake, or only with false imported ductcake made by Bolognesians in Bologna? I am perplexed.........

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 21, 1998.

"Is this IAW the Geneva conventions?

Probably not, but we are deparate, no? I think this is what Robert meant by "leavening the playing field."

"Will this involve the entire gaggle or just selected "volunteer" members?"

This will have to be a Black Op, with hand-picked volunteers to fulfill the mission parameters. Amphibious duckies can be Ducky Seals, and Stealth Geese would fit in nicely with the either the Special Fruitcake Forces, or Geese Rangers. Sound reasonable?

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

Leska, "Chocolate Decadence" fruitcake, o-o-o-o-h!

Rob, could be a new military, FRL, recruiting tactic. Join Us For A Fruitcake Adventure. Is it a Dark, Milk or White Chocolate Black Op? Special Fruitcake Forces, operating behind enemy duct tape? Maybe you could join the enemies DT support groups?

All these unidentified duckys make me "quackers."


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 21, 1998.

Robert: I am perplexed also... Where did this 'reliable' info come from... the intel spooks? Me thinks we wait for Leska on this one.

Diane: I knew we could count on your superior and untiring organizational skills... with your recruitment plan we will have no problem getting the volunteers (no geese with gooselings accepted... or is it goose with geeselings?)

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

It seems to be a heinous insidious strategy harkening back to the opium wars. Infuse 'Chocolate Decadence' into the fruitcakes, make them addictive, make ppl actually eat them and want more. Criminal! Then send them free to our troops. Like cigs in WWII. Also, could be bad for the geese. Did you know chocolate is sometimes fatal to dogs and other animals? It affects them like speed, like poison. Wonder if the Bologna bacterium plus the addictive choco-speed will thin the ranks -- we must guard against this! One of our member inventors must develop a geesger counter to detect these noxious obnoxious impurities.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 21, 1998.

Leska: It sounds to me like it's all part of the Fiat Fruitcake Plot. Good thing we are organized. Any ideas on what Robert posted about the 'misfled' geese?

Tricia: Same question for you regarding Roberts post.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

wow, there's so much of this fruitcake talk, i'm startin' to think it's a code or somethin'

-- fruitcake (fruitcake@fruitcake.y2k), December 21, 1998.

Rob, don't know, got me stumped. Authenticity is in question on all fronts. Additives in fruitcake, our all-purpose discovery being pre-empt(i)ed by terrorists and Foxies, the misled geese ... we need a de-bugged war room, duct deductions, duct & duck decoys, and a geesger counter. Robert did mention the possibility of climatic changes influencing the Canuck carriers ...

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, December 21, 1998.

I've been informed by a stealth-duckie spying on "misfled" geese in a pond in IL that it appears the geese are being fed "dark brown substances resembling fruitcake" by what appears to be "counter-intelligence agents dressed as children", and that the geese after eating such substance flock giddily around these agents, totally oblivious about their mission to fly south.

In light of the report from Leska, I suspect this "substance" contains choco-speed toxins.

-- Chris (, December 21, 1998.

No. They are not "misfled" Robert.

They just duct out at the first hint of stiff water, but then found that they had exceeded their maximum inflight gross weight.

This in turn was found to be caused by a miscalculation of the ratio of the baloney/chocolate fuel, that was onloaded prior to lift off, and the storage capacity of the main fuel tank.

The geese have recently been sighted on the ground as they are in the process of off loading the requisite amount of chocoloney so as to obtain the required maximum gross weight for take off.

They are scheduled to arrive local area, (hometown usa), approximately 0dark hundred +/- 3 seconds (CST), 24 Dec 1998. Proper arrangements have been made for their lodging, feeding (*cajun fried chocolate covered rice-a-roni) and such preferenced items as may be required by the senior (HEAD) goose of this unit. All security measures are in force to repel any and all geese which show any tendancies to off load prior to final approach this location.

* This fuel is being used so as to provide the TRUE stealth geese with a means of rapid and reliable return fire should such requirements prove to be necessary during the upcoming scheduled test operations against the unsuspecting Canuckianan residents during "Operation Just Desserts", as per my offline communications with OPCANDUCT2K/090919981221.

Interim Reports will be forwarded to you at your present location from this classified location via secure transmissions over ethernet radiation wave band digitized transfer systems using "Charlie band" only.

Request that you standby to copy all traffic originating this location. Local negotiating team members are presently being briefed reference their required participation in overall cover plan as previously briefed your office.


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 21, 1998.

Thats what I was afraid of Leska...looks like it's up to Tricia the Canuck now. She may be undercover. Just have to wait.

We can at least get started though on the geesger counter....

Robert.... Oh Roooooobert?????

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.


Roger, standing by. Pre-engagement assets are now feet dry and approaching theater.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 21, 1998.

Thanks Rob for the clue to where is Diane Squire thread. It appears she is here with the rest of the missing gaggle playing gleefully in a pond of chocolate syrup in the fruitcake forest! Gee, I love fruitcake, especially Collins Bakery Deluxe - could never be bad for geese! Makes all well with the world............ Diana

-- Diana (, December 21, 1998.

Here's wishing all of you nutty friends the very best seasons greetings, and a virtual non-fiat fruitcake too!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 23, 1998.

...and watch out for Drive-by Fruitcakings!!!!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

-- Donna Barthuley (, December 23, 1998.

Fruitcake shortages loom!


xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 24, 1998.

But a short fruitcake (being lighter) would go somewhat further when thrown (assuming air resisitance is proportional to the frontal area of the object thrown) - or, failing that, more short fruitcakes could be placed in the missile compartment of a Chinese ICBM - as this story refers.

However, if fruitcakes are to be launched *at* the US and Canadianian provincial provinces from China, rather than *from* the US and Canadianian provincial provinces towards China, then I would think we should be worried about the number of fruitcakes in China, rather than in DC.

Given that there is evidence of an excessive number of fruitcakes in DC and NYC, I vote we buy back all the Chinese missiles referenced in the link, and shot them (and their cargo) back to China.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 24, 1998.

Uh-Oh, Robert, this is a case of the URL changing! I *knew* I should've posted the article highlights: those URLs are only good for a few hours. ``Sorry:( The article was about some monks who made the 'best' fruitcake, got a Web Site, and were so inundated and backlogged with orders that they unhooked their phone and removed their site. The article was talking about a severe fruitcake shortage that is expected to last 8 more months. Not that we don't have to worry about the Chinese ;)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x

-- Leska (, December 24, 1998.

Now, I'm not going to let you off that lightly -

There appears therefore to be a future shortage of fruitcakes, there we must assume that fruitcakes will remain a cylinder of the same diameter (that is, if the pan - or whatever they are half-baked-in remains the same) but are somewhat shorter.

Now, lettuce assume that the average weight of these hypothetical short fruitcakes is proportional to total enclosed volume - that is thrown weight will be assumed proportional to length.

Further, we must asume the air resistance cannot be neglected - as time of flight will preclude extended periods outside the atmosphere - however, we probably must make the absurd simplication that air density (and therefore air resistance) will be the same over the period of flight.

[I apologize for these simplications in an important subject - but we must also neglect such important factors as the time of the month of the thrower and the rotational affect of the earth's Coriolis effect on the thrown trajectory. Likewise, unless the Canadianian readers suddenly start spewing hot air, or another cold air mass during the flight time, we must take the simplifying assumption too that air temperature remains the same during the flight time.]

Now, assuming the average throwing weight (of Diane, Leska, Chris, Christine, and Donna) remains proportional to an initial weight of 115 pounds - (which is about 260 kilometers for you in the metric system - or 3.5 Euro's or 12 shillings for those still using the UK system of measurements, or 12,000 in the Tokyo exchange but 1250 in Standard and Poor's.) This would be based on the simplification that the exercise of throwing results in an increase in strength offsetting the known fatigue effects of lobbing fruitcakes at convenient targets in a certain unnamed Southern-type state bordering on TN, AL, and the Atlantic Ocean.

Now, these assumptions being made, and assuming that the throwing energy of the average fruitcake lobber remains constant over time, will a short fruitcake get thrown further than a regular fruitcake?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 24, 1998.

Yes, because shorter = slightly lighter so the arm does not tire so quickly. Assuming the "throwing energy of the average fruitcake lobber remains constant over time" is pressure enough; we're not bionic! Also, we need stores of alternative energy close-by; lobbing is BTU work, and we mustn't be tempted to take bites of ammunition to sustain lobbing power. Therefore lobby for lobbing back-up. Homemade cornbread w/ curried lentil soup? Warmth, protein, carbos, tasty, and the ducks & geese like the cornbread too. :)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (, December 24, 1998.

Hi Leska: Too bad the article you refer to was gone. I looked at the link earlier this a.m. and didn't know why you posted it until now. Many of us anticipated shortages, and this was proof.No wonder it is gone already... they don't want a full scale fruitcake panic on Now!

Robert: Won't fruitcake atmospheric re-entry be different depending on if it has been wrapped in duct tape (heat shield) or not?

-- Rob Michaels (, December 24, 1998.

ALERT: (Long Post)

This story has hidden implications for the FRL -- Fruitcake Resistance League. Next the powers that be are going to require low-fat fruitcakes! Its the beginning of the end, when they go after the big guy. -- Diane Published Wednesday, December 23, 1998, in the San Jose Mercury News

Right jolly old elf really needs to re-examine his lifestyle

BY CAROLYN POIROT Knight Ridder Newspapers

Sure, Santa Claus may be a symbol of joy -- but certainly not good health.

Rather than spending so much time delivering toys to good little boys and girls, The Bearded One might be better off getting himself to a gym, suggest the PR specialists at Methodist Health Care System in Houston.

Just take a look at the big guy's health chart.

 Santa's overweight.

Symptoms: Abdomen shakes like ``bowl full of jelly.''

Concerns: Heart disease, adult-onset diabetes.

Recommendation: Comprehensive healthful lifestyle changes -- beginning with a prescribed weight-loss plan such the ones offered at the Institute for Preventive Medicine at Methodist Health Care System and Baylor College of Medicine.

 His cholesterol is high.

Cause: Eggnog-and-cookie diet. [And fruitcakes, we assume]

Recommendation: Try bringing along some fat-free snacks (raisins, carrot sticks, apple wedges) to take the edge off Christmas Eve cravings. Weight management programs can offer help (see ``Overweight'').

 Santa suffers from back and knee pain.

Cause: Hefting large sacks of toys; obesity.

Recommendation: Enroll in weight-control programs and head for the gym (see``Overweight''). Use ergonomically correct cart or dolly for toys.

 He doesn't hear so well.

Cause: Spending most of the year in a noisy workshop.

Recommendation: Use of OSHA-approved ear protection while at work.

 He has a real problem with sleigh safety.

Concerns: No head protection or seat belts in evidence; inadequate illumination provided by single glowing reindeer nose.

Recommendations: Replace fur cap with crash helmet; retrofit sleigh with shoulder harness, lap belt, air bag and government-approved landing lights.

 There's that nose like a cherry.

Concerns: Could be a sign of eczema, windburn, sun exposure or other problems.

Recommendation: Annual skin cancer screening. Check for allergies to reindeer, mistletoe, holly.

Also, lay off the hot rum toddies.

 He's plagued by pre-cancerous lung, mouth and throat irritation.

Causes: Pipe smoking, exposure to chimney soot.

Recommendation: Stop smoking immediately. Seek alternative means of access to dwellings, or wear OSHA-approved respirator when working in or near chimneys and fireplaces.

 He's a victim of carpal tunnel syndrome.

Cause: Making long lists, checking them twice.

Recommendation: Use of voice-activated word-processing software to relieve stress on hands and wrists.

 He's really got issues.

Manifestation: Irrationally jolly all the time.

Indication: ``North Polar Disorder.''

Recommendation: Immediate evaluation by a board-certified psychiatrist.

``Santa is a paragon of generosity and goodwill, but no one should consider him a role model for healthy living,'' sums up Molly Gee, manager of the Institute for Preventive Medicine. ``For an elf on the high side of 400, he looks to be in pretty good shape. But if St. Nick wants to be around for another half-millennium or so, he might want to consider some lifestyle changes in 1999.''

See also...

Santa & Y2K problems... idx.html

Forget Naughty and Nice -- How About 'Data Deleted'? By Tom McNichol

Sunday, December 20, 1998; Page C02

With less than a week before Christmas, there's growing concern that Santa Claus will not be able to distribute toys [hidden message, no fruitcake distribution either] this year. The problem: a new computer system...

-- Diane J. Squire (, December 24, 1998.

Sorry, all for the delay in reporting. I was worrying about those stealth geese flying the wrong way and delivering pay loads here instead of to SOBob. However, I see now it was just a case of purposeful misleading, rather than misdirection... Hope you all enjoy your holidays and have enough fruitcake to eat (if you like to) as well as to store and to feed the SG. Geese are all back on course - watch out you in Dixie!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 25, 1998.

Merry Fruitcake Day!

Say, doesn't that one Matthew just brought over look like Aunt Josephine's from 1971? Remember how we put that funny little mark on the underneath label? Here it is, faint & yellowed ...

Happy lobbing contests, one & all :)

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, eating a *sprouted* Fruit 'n Nut juicy loaf ;)
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 25, 1998.

To Tricia the Canuck, and to all other Members of the FRL:

A large gaggle of stealth geese has arrived in my local area, (hometown USA), and the local negotiating team has conducted extensive rounds of talks (lasting four (4) minutes) with the lead goose. The results are as detailed below:

1.Without exception the geese refuse to return to Canuckianana at this time citing very bad weather conditions at that location. These conditions are expected to continue until late spring 1999.

2. The Head goose of the gaggle made an impassioned plea for the continuance of the peace agreements currently in force between our two (2) nations. She asked that we all try to just get along together.

3. She has stated that she could never allow any stealth geese to participate in any such activity as was tentatively planned as Operation "Just Desserts" against the people of Canuckianana. (Damn the luck!). However, she has agreed that such fruitcake/duct tape activities as are directed against Washington, D.C. are of mutual benefit to all flora and fauna members of all nations and should proceed as planned.

4. She has agreed that the number of Canuckianians allowed free and unrestricted access to the "Land of Milk and Honey," AKA "DeeDah Land," would be reduced to a bare minimum beginning in the year 2000 as a time certain and continuing for an indeterminate length of time thereafter.

5. She further stated that she would allow all members of her brigade to offload the TRUE stealth fruitcake, if so equipped, on any and all areas en route to Canuckianana as "Targets Of Opportunity," and that they would expend all cajun fried rice munitions during these drops. She stated, and I agree, that once airborne there was no effective means of control and that the geese could therefore do as they wished and drop their payloads wherever they choose.

6. She has conceded that it was an oversight on their behalf and that she will dispatch a courier to central Illinois to close the door which was inadvertently left open and is thereby allowing the extreme cold air of Canuckianana to spill South to this area.

As a result of the above negotiations, I, S.O.B., ruler of all that I have, Knower of that which should be known, Keeper of the True Opine, and Befuddled leader of myself, do hereby decree and proclaim:

1. ALL conditions as stated above (# 1 thru 6) are acceptable to me, since I have no choice and have been tricked and outcrafty'ed once again by yet another female, and are therefore enacted.

2. All Canuckiananan geese are hereby awarded the rank of "Citizen of the world," members of the "Cajun Legion," "Entitled Members of the FRL," and are to be afforded all rights and privileges attendant thereto.

3. Effective immediately all further feeding of the geese will be restricted to the wild rices and swamp critters such as are indigenous to this area, and under no circumstances will any further feeding of cajun fried rice be allowed (with or without the chocolate coating). The geese will be allowed free and unfettered access to all areas of the marshes and bayous adjacent to hometown USA. They are authorized to inspect any and all sites, locations, and areas as they deem necessary to determine that all munitions at this site are TRUE munitions and are not WMD type munitions. My palace is to remain off limits to them, however they are afforded unrestricted access to all areas of the grounds surrounding the palace. A curfew lasting from 30 minutes after sundown to one (1) hour after sunup has been imposed on all parties to the agreement.

4. The single and sole exception to stipulation 3 is that I will retain the exclusive right to continue the occasional feeding of " S.O.B.'s "Southern Cornbread" in very small pieces to a restricted number of the geese who seem to have adopted my unfenced backyard as their domain. They in turn have agreed to remain here and to continue to discuss amongst themselves all subjects which concern them, but not me, until such time as they decide not to. They seem to have reached an agreement with the ducks which had previously arrived here as to water and territory rights and no riots have been noted again this year.

5. I, and all members of my family, will be allowed to visit Canuckianana after the return of all stealth geese to their normal environmental areas of said dominion. This return is tentatively scheduled for the time period immediately prior to and following the Vernal equinox. My follow up visit is scheduled for late May 1999 and for a period of three (3) weeks thereafter. This follow up visit is subject to being rescheduled as required by events at the time.

These and such other conditions as are contained in the three (3) secret protocols which are not attached are hereby in full force throughout all lands under my command and control.


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 26, 1998.

To all members of the FRL and especially S.O.B., who is Knower of that which should be known, Keeper of the True Opine, and Befuddled leader of himself

From Rob Michaels who is Starter of this Thread, Charter Member of the FRL, and Knower of even less than S.O.B

I would like to throw my wholehearted ductcake support behind the diplomatic efforts of S.O.B. in this important matter which concerns us all. It is evident that much high altitude negotiating has been conducted. Let us consider the ratification of this fine decree and proclamation, and further discuss any and all issues excepting the secret protocols which have been heretofore enunciated. One thing that comes to mind is a verification plan of geese compliance, which may be needed.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 26, 1998.

Fruitcake Resistance League -- Major ALERT !!

Computers and Year 2000: A Race for Security (and Against Time)

Anybody notice the stealth rubber ducky watching above the Russian programmer? Fruitcake league, there is a mole in our midst!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 27, 1998.


Did you also notice that the stealth ducky was wearing what may be sunglasses too? Wow. Good catch Leska. I think you are right, we have a security breach, a deep cover mole. It is now time for, dare I say it... yes......

The Fruitcake Inquisition!

-- Rob Michaels (, December 27, 1998.

Rob, *sob* *gasp* it's finally happening here ... filtering thru ... round-ups, interrogations ... ripples in the mole hole.

How in earth did a Russian programmer capture a stealth rubber ducky?
Bet she has fruitcake stashed in desk drawers too. *gnash teeth*

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 27, 1998.

Aaarrrggghhh! That rubber ducky might be a decoy planted by a reporter lurker. *TOO* suspicious! Why hasn't Robert Cook engineered the "de-bugged war room, duct deductions, duct & duck decoys, and a geesger counter?" Where's SOB? Now is the time for all good plotters to come to the aid of their league.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, December 27, 1998.

All that talk about Russia and fix on failure really put me off, but we are on to 'em now. We have a few moles of our own that I think we should activate immediately, and arm with the new ductcakes and slingshots.

Our first OP must be to rescue the PDOW (prisoner ducky of war) with the sunglasses - brave little ducky - sob - A team of Ducky Seals will be deployed to Newark Bay, which is the insertion point closest to the last known position of the hostage ducky according to our Intel. Wish us luck.

-- rob Michaels (, December 27, 1998.

It's the programmer! See that mischievous smile lurking about her face? It's a signal. The look on her face reveals she wants us to see the ducky; she wants to defect! She wants us to know, but she can't speak openly. I say we recruit her to our side when we rescue the PDOW. The best of luck in your hostage endeavors, Rob.

mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmm

-- Ashton (, December 27, 1998.

The media reporters are letting us know they need our help and want to work with us. They cannot initiate or generate Y2K reality-exposes or they'll be considered delusional and tortured. They are looking to us to go forward and bring issues into the light of internet domain, so they can have a basis for reports. Beacon Ducky sending code!

mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmm

-- Ashton (, December 27, 1998.

Yes, Ashton, I too noticed that smirk but did not put two and two together the way you did about the defection. I once read a book called Red October that was based on Russian Defection. Perhaps the stealth Ducky Seals can 'ping' the possible defector with fiat fruitcake to see if you are right... sound reasonable?

-- Rob Michaels (, December 27, 1998.

Good plan, Rob, go for it! Very reasonable. And trace that duck. How did it get out?

mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm

-- Ashton (, December 27, 1998.

Leska and Ashton:

The Op run by the Ducky Seals was an all out unquackified success! The former PDOW is now being de-quacked along with the new FRL member (defector).

-- Rob Michaels (, December 29, 1998.

Rob Michaels:

A query to you, Oh Great One, Knower of Computers, Teacher Of the Light, and Chairman of the Bored.

I have a bad attack of CRS (can't remember s*it, and I have, on occasion, been known to "chase moon beams" just as have all the rest of you so I know that I can be had.

Mayhaps this is one of those times. Howsomever, I still have to ask the question.

This thread shows a total of 23 answers posted to it. This is displayed just behind the topic.

I count 104 answers to the thread.

Two nights ago I posted answer #43 to this thread and the next listing showed a total of 41 answers.

Am I guilty of cranialrectumitis and ate up with the DAs, or is there some computer logic going on here that I know not thereof?

Please enlighten me Oh fearless leader.

PS: Good show on the Ductseal operations. We can't have the oposites keeping our duckies can we? Bad for morale and all.


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 29, 1998.

S.O.B. I can always count on you to get right to the heart of the matter. Yes, I too have noticed the descending numerical counts and was going to post the same question about it. I remember Chris posting the 50th or 100th answer to the Brotherhood thread, and the next day seeing a number of answers less!?!?!?

But I have given this some thought (always dangerous) and have come to the delusion that the missing answer numbers are related to my still missing really bright red sock, which was last seen being worn by a forum member on Scott Olmstead during the 60 minutes show. (see the Grandmamas missing check thread for the ROFL explanations). There must be a tie in somehow, since socks, when you come down to it, are really nothing more than threads! Only a geese, uh, I mean goose.... guess.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 29, 1998.

-- Rob Michaels:

>>But I have given this some thought (always dangerous) and have come to the delusion that the missing answer numbers are related to my still missing really bright red sock, which was last seen being worn by a forum member on Scott Olmstead during the 60 minutes show. (see the Grandmamas missing check thread for the ROFL explanations). There must be a tie in somehow, since socks, when you come down to it, are really nothing more than threads! Only a geese, uh, I mean goose.... guess.<<

This may then be a case of stealth counter operations? Keep alert (we may have a shortage of them).

Re; the tie in to your sock - I was given to understand (elsewhere) that the ties were being discarded. I will attempt to tie down the answer to this in my next meeting with "Mother Goose" later this evening. So far she won't allow me to get close to her, and the local negotiator is gone at the moment. Was it a left sock or a right one?

I deducted the same delusion myself so I guess that this is a proven (web net) fact now, but your geese is as good as mine.

Thanks for the clarification of the puzzle of the dungone numbers.


-- sweetolebob (La) (, December 29, 1998.

We shall be traveling to the SOBland (not to imply that LA is bland, but with all them spicy cajun'ed food...) to show Jean the the Aggie Band during the halftime of the Sugar Bowl, so 'tis off to look for Canadianian gooses in the far south for a few days.

The "to do" chores upon a return, - recalibrate the current "geeser meter" (it keeps alarming every time I walk past), find the alternate red sock, track down the thread number conspiracy (believed to be proportional to the delta time interval between the current date and the nnumber of "new posts" created in the interval between the original presence of the thread and the current "refresh date" of the thread), and a few other things - probably of great importance but exceeding my memory.

If there are more than 3 things to get - I go to the grocery store with a list.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, December 29, 1998.

Did anyone notice that the rescued stealth rubber ducky just turned red? Did one of you guys feed it nut-less fruitcake? Or did it eat the red sock?

Questions, questions.


-- Diane J. Squire (, December 29, 1998.

Rob, happy news re your successful rescue! Pls keep us updated. Diane, hope the turning red isn't a flag alerting us to the defector's homesickness? Twould be diplomatic mess. Have covert intelligence that a plan to nab Diane is being hatched. These things tend to fall thru the cracks ... but hammocks sway to catch ... time will tell. SOB + Robert, thanx for the numbers demystifying. Should we help Robert with his shopping list?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, December 29, 1998.

SOB - Keeper of the Count, and Knower of all you Know:

Thanks for trying to tie down the answer in your next meeting with "Mother Goose" , and it wasn't a left sock or a right one, it was ambifooterous... (and really bright red).

Robert: Thanks for the very clear explanation of the numbers mystery: refresh, original post, new post, delta intervals, and especially the few other things. All this makes perfect sense to me. BTW, did Tom ever get a second opinion about the duct tape?

Diane: "Did one of you guys feed it nut-less fruitcake?"

No, there are still plenty of nuts here, as evidenced by this thread having over 110 answers (most of them stealth).

Leska: "Have covert intelligence that a plan to nab Diane is being hatched."

They must have found out about her recruitment method and want to study it! This represents a clear and present danger. We must immediately activate her covert double. There will be 7x24 surveillance for the next few days, and we will need to move the Real Diane to a safe house.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 29, 1998.

Rob, the Diane-robbers beat the covert double at the 11th hour. Recruitment currently under way to enlist Diane in making individual-within-community preparation the safe house. The stealth duckies are having a quack conference right now. But the fruitcakes are under wraps, hidden. Code FillBerts intact!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 30, 1998.


Eyes Only

Copy one of one

Subject: Operation Prisoner Ducky of War preliminary briefing for the FRL

Document prepared 29 December, 1998.

Briefing Officer: Adm. Rob Michaels (PDOW-1)

Note: This document has been prepared as a summary briefing only. It should be regarded As introductory to the full operational briefing intended to follow.

* * * * * *

Operation PDOW is a top secret search and rescue mission /Intelligence operation responsible directly and only to the FRL. The successful rescue of the hostage Ducky, as ordered by the FRL and implemented by an elite unit of the Ducky Seals, was concluded on 28 December, 1998. In addition to satisfying all mission parameters for PDOW, the captor, a Russian national working temporarily here in the United States, expressed a desire to defect and remain in the U.S., offering the PDOW, still in good quacking health, as a good faith gesture. After contacting the appropriate liason offices, it was agreed to allow the defection of the russian agent, known now as code name Babushka.

Ms. Babushka confirmed earlier covert intel about a plot to kidnap Diane. Thanks to Leska, the FRL was able to implement emergency preventative contingency measures to foil this dastardly plan.

During the de-quacking, it was also learned that Ms. Babushka has been involved in a second plot which involves the covert and insidious insertion of French Fries in our fruitcake, as a partial replacement of the cake ingredient. According to Ms. Babushka, the Russians have long thought of french fries as the ideal way to overthrow the U.S., since they are the perfect killer food (high in fat, salt, cholesterol, etc). As proof of this she said that they are working in concert with a covert branch in Italy that are using Bologna the same way they are using French fries.

An investigation into the alledged French Fry Fruitcake conspiracy has been started immediately.


-- Rob Michaels (, December 30, 1998.

Dear SOBob, Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your memo - life happens, in this case a mixture of visitors over Christmas and a daughter in hospital (AGAIN, and nothing serious, thank God). Anyway, I'm happy to extend the truce between our lands; if our frigid cold is leaking down that way, our invasion is pointless anyhow. You, sir are very welcome to visit in May, hopefully by then this cold will have retreated to Siberia, where it belongs! The lead goose has stated that she will do her best to ensure pleasant weather for you - couldn't you move your visit up a bit? Please?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 30, 1998.

Rob, thank you for the report! Most fascinating. But Diane is still be vacuumed by unseen forces. We have not heard from her; perhaps she is unaware? Sitting at her Mac, posting away as she delves into disappearing govt files -- uh oh.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, December 30, 1998.

A bit belatedly, as well, the possible answer to the "wrong count" - those are listed as 'new answers' and automatically change to 'old answers' after a few days? That's my guess. PS With Carla in hospital, I'm not likely to be back for a few days. So I'd like to wish all of you a wonderful New Year!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, December 30, 1998.

Leska: She is ok, and evidently posting from the safe house.

Tricia: Happy New Year to you too, hope Carla can stay out next year!

FRL members: The de-quacking of Ms. Babushka has been completed. Despite our best efforts, there still is no confirmation of the French Fry Fiat Fruitcake Fiasco.

-- Rob Michaels (, December 30, 1998.

Chris the defected Canukian here, reporting.

I've returned from my spying mission in Canukia yesterday. I had 8 days to observe, undercover as a skier and a holiday party bum. My observations follow:

- The Canukians I was with did not offer me any fruitcake, I did not observe any exchange of fruitcakes among them, so I was unable to verify what use they have devised for them.

- The stealth geese have all departed from Canukia, not one remained on the land. It is obvious that should any have remained behind, they would have been readily observable on the frozen bodies of water, as frozen blocks resembling lawn ornaments. The temperature hovered around -5 degree F. during my stay, and with the wind-chill factor to -30, even car tires were frozen square blocks. I myself remained unafected by the frigid temperature due to the fact that skiers are immune to it.

- I was unable to observe much more beyond what I reported above. The Canukian skiers are fond of a drink called "Captain Morgan and Hot Water" which they imbibe in large quantities after a ski session in a warm cabin at the bottom of the mountains where they ski. To pass as one of them, I had to go along with them and drink the stuff, which made me dizzy and unfit for spying.

If I remember anything more, I will let you know.

Happy New Year to all FRL members,

signing off

-- Chris (, January 04, 1999.

Chris, aren't you planning to return to Canuckia within the year? Maybe there're other reasons for you not being a totally dependable scout for the 'd*** Yanks'; or maybe that truce that SOBob struck with the head goose has really taken. After all his timing was impeccable - peace on earth. Now we have to work on that goodwill towards men thing, my daughter (home from hospital, and acting healthy for now) says that we need to include geese. Happy New Year to all us fruitcakes!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 04, 1999.

Sorry, been so buried in government and newsmedia web-sites 'n all. Quite safe in this house.

Just noticed -- must've happened at the 1999 rollover -- my fruitcake stash has crumbled and is filled with nutty look-ahead Y2K dried fruit bugs. No saving it. It's a sad loss.

What are the fruitcake predictions for 2000?


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 04, 1999.

Chris and Tricia: Welcome back fellow FRLers!

Diane: Glad to see you are safe and sound. It was touch and go there for a while.

As far as predictions, I think there are still about 60 days or so left for public comment on the Know Your Fruitcake proposed legislation. We have a strong anti-KYF lobby in place which has been making fruitcake contributions when needed, and plan on continuing the hard work to keep our current fruitcake freedoms, including the defeat of all iniquitous fiat fruitcake plots.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 04, 1999.

close tag.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 04, 1999.

Duh. Hope this works.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 04, 1999.

Uh... Forum... I think I'm in trouble. HELP!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 04, 1999.

close it.

-- try again (try@try.again), January 04, 1999.

>>Uh... Forum... I think I'm in trouble. HELP!

-- Rob Michaels <<

Rob, does this constitute a real life "chair to keyboard" carbon based PC interface failure? Probably just a glitch?

You too can get snake bit. That's a relief, I thought it was just me. (I won't tell anyone)


-- sweetolebob (La) (, January 04, 1999.

Here we go Rob sir, let me close the tag for you. Hope it works for me. You've been working too hard lately and it's showing. Thanks for the warm welcome back, glad to be back too. Those Canuckians worked me to the ground also. But I can't complain, the rewards were great.

Tricia, what are you implying here? That I'm a double-spy or something? Dual-citizenship?! I'll let you know that my FRL allegiance is pure, honest and from the heart! Who are YOU to imply such nutty ideas from me? And ofcourse I plan to go back to Canuckia within the year, my work isn't finished. I'll get to the bottom of it all somehow, even if it means getting to the bottom of that Captain Morgan bottle!

BTW, I don't buy that "truce" between SOB and the head-goose stuff. All this "peace on earth" and "goodwill to men" PR stuff is only propaganda, smoke and mirrors. You've noticed they stopped that PR already? That's because they saw it wasn't working, so they've shifted to something else. I'm not sure what yet, I'm still trying to figure it out.

Glad to hear your daughter made it out of the hospital in good health. (And thanks for the correct spelling of "Canuckia", I'm still not used to it.)

-- Chris (, January 04, 1999.

S.O.B. - I swear I closed it the first time! ThenI when I cheked, it wasn't closed and I had to try again a couple times, once with both the beginning and end tags. That didn't work either. So, being a well trained geek, i did what we all do as a last resort - read the instructions on the Tips on Posting HTML thread and tried again.

p.s. Thanks for not telling anyone, I have a reputation to live down to...Ssssshhhhhhh.

Chris: Thanks anyway.

Forum: I have GREAT NEWS! My better half just dumped a load of cleaned shirts on the sofa and gave me my orders. And what do you think was under all of these shirts?

Yes, you guessed it, the missing really bright red sock!

Me: Where did this come from?

Her: How should I know?

Me: Well did you put this in with the shirts?

Her: I must have, DUH!

We know the truth though don't we gang! I feel like celebrating. I will be offline for a while so that I can immediately duct tape the two really bright red socks together to keep them safe. BFN, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 04, 1999.

But was it the right red sock or the other red sock? If it was the other red sock, does this imply that it was always left over? If it was inside out, does that make it left under or all under?

My condolances (-1 sp) on the lost fruitcake, but this is after all about debugging the nutcases.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, January 05, 1999.

Robert, Good Sir: Sorry it took me so long to post a reply - haven't been around for a few days due to duct-taping many of my personal effects, including the socks. Some people refer to this Duct-Taping habit as the" DTs" I think... anyway, it was definately the right sock that was left over.

FRLers: Have I missed any important FRL activity lately?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 07, 1999.

Well, Rob, we are involved in a rather outrageous snatching plan, of which another FRL member has detailed knowledge, but for some reason hasn't let on here at all. Hhhmmm. Could use a psychic psychologist about now. Do you know of any?

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, laughing up their sleeves
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (, January 07, 1999.

Hi Leska: Are they going to try and snatch Diane again, or will they try and get our vintage fruitcake, or do they know that I have two really bright no longer missing red socks? Why are you being so cryptic regarding this "outrageous snatching plan".....Oh.....wait a minute.......I reasons.......yes...........ssssssshhhhhhhh. Perhaps you can give me a hint - in code, naturally.

Regarding a " psychic psychologist", there are rumors that the one used by our former two Presidents is now available!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 07, 1999.

Rob, we think they are dismissing your socks as two less red flags we have at our disposal. Duct rupt. We are wary re divulging snatching plot, because other insider is exhibiting a complete blank, which makes us wonder about allegiance. These things teeter on the edge.
Also, the President has great need for psychic psychologists at this time and in fact has ordered the FBI, CIA, & FEMA to round up all such talents and bring them to the Oval hallway at the dark hour. We midjudged the timing and were left in the dust of the stampede, psych-less. We need a motive divination expert, quickly. What to do? What intelligence have you brought back tonight from your mission, Rob?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, January 07, 1999.

"What intelligence have you brought back tonight from your mission, Rob? "

Wow Leska, "Intelligence" and "Rob" are usually not used in the same sentence. Are you the real Leska? I want to talk to Ashton! LOL.

The mission was a complete success, although the closest I can come to getting a "motive divination expert" would be Ms. Babushka. She was highly motivated and has divine fruitcake (and a rubber ducky that wears sunglasses too)... think she can help?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 07, 1999.

Ummm ... I have a confession to make.

Now, some of us occasionally leave a sock or two in the unlit recesses of the washers or dryers in the laundry room. Generally, the next sharp-sighted launderer courteously posts the errant footcovers on the folding table, and they're (the footcovers) eventually reunited whence they belong.

My confession is ... well ... my red-green color vision is deficient (like maternal Grandpa's). :-(

Under the fluorescent lights in the laundry room, red socks, even bright red ones, look almost identical to the brown ones which I have aplenty. I try, I really really try, to make sure that a sock I pick up is one that was mine, and in the daytime when there's full sunshine coming in the window I think I hardly ever take home a wrong one. :-} But the sun sets early in the autumn and winter, and lately I always wind up doing my laundry at night, and, well ... maybe, just maybe, one or two or three of my "brown" socks is really bright red. :-1

My sister was just visiting at Christmas. When we were young, she once pointed down the street and exclaimed, "Look at that *pink* car!", to which I replied in all sincerity, "Which car? You mean the light blue one?" It never occurred to me while she was here to ask her to have a look through my sock drawer ...

I know! I'll lay out all my socks side-by-side on the bed, take a Poloroid shot of them, and send the photo to my sister with a self-addressed stamped return envelope and request that she circle the red socks in the photo then send it back.

And ... ummm ... I'll sleep on the couch and not disturb the socks until I get her reply.

P.S. For all you folks who'd suggest that I lay the socks out on a table or the carpet -- there's no table with spare room, and the socks all blend in with the carpet so I'd just stumble through them and mess them all up down there before the photo got back to me. And I'm not gonna bother refuting suggestions to lay out the socks on the linoleum in the kitchen or tile in the bathroom for photographing.

-- No Spam Please (, January 07, 1999.

careful folks! careful! we must stop and ask ourselves the implications of rob's returning red sock...if it was last seen on the 60 minutes show with paul milne (right guy???) and now it is back.....

where did it come from? who brought it back? why doesn't paul have it anymore? is he okay? did our russian defect on her defection to the FRL? does that make her defective? and what about the stealth rubber ducky in the sunglasses? was he just a decoy? we must focus! focus!

check your sock, rob, for any bugs. the bugs may be the cause of the crumbling fruitcake! are there any insects that eat fruitcake? or has the government developed a bug to destroy our only offense?

-- Christine A. Newbie (, January 07, 1999.

So if Rob has all his red socks back, I don't have to sleep on the couch?

-- No Spam Please (, January 07, 1999.

No Spam PLease: ROFLTIP ( T is for 'Till) Congratulations on being the third member of the FRL to Confess (see my post from 12/20 to Tom about how I suffer from DTC - Duct Tape Compulsiveness, and Chris's post of 12/21 confessing addiction to fruitcakes. You have come to the right thread! Oh, one other thing: you may want to consider using the Robert Cook Sock Methodology, which is to only have white socks and black socks, and keep them is separate drawers (duct-taped together if you want to use my approach too).

Christine: Hello again. I never even thought that my socks could be bugged (and who says this forum isn't filled with great and helpful information). BTW, since when do you post only in lower case? I don't remember you doing that, but being a dinosaur, I forget stuff. Will have to check Grandmama's thread. Anyway, I am going to go now and look for bugs in my socks (my wife will love this one)... this may keep me busy until tomorrow so Bye For Now.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 07, 1999.

Rob, we want to tell you more, it is too outrageous, is your eMail a true working one? We will exchange messages and decide the best approach. Naturally we should cryptically alert other FRL members, but absence of psychics has thrown us thru a loop. Perhaps our combined duct tape will be a Seal. Our eMail is working, please correspond, this is rather, um urgent.

Ashton, that was really Leska, just distraught

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (, January 07, 1999.

Eeeekkss. Rob's eMail isn't real! Natch. Now what? Will Rob eMail us? Is he debugging socks? Excruciating wait.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 07, 1999.

It's getting near my bedtime. Will someone please tell me whether to believe that Rob really has all his red socks back?

-- No Spam Please (, January 07, 1999.

Are we discussing burnt fruitcakes? Baloney fruitcakes? Or Beano resistant fruitcakes?

Socking News, No Spam Please. Im (admittedly) missing a brown sock too and cant seem to see it either.

Sock Wars? The ultimate hidden weapon? Dont trust what you think you see Rob.

Expect The Unexpceted.

Remember, the Sock Market is still rising!


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 08, 1999.

Leska: The eMAIL address is bogus. If I told you my real eMAIL address, I would have to sanction you, which is not an option obviuosly. So on this one urgent mission you will need to trust to whatever resources you can gather in the field. Good Luck, and if I can help from here, I will.

Christine: No bugs found, nor any fruitcake crumblets, in any of the socks....Wheh!

No Spam Please: All socks are present and accounted for.

Diane: You always give good advice Diane, so I will not trust what I thought I saw last night, but will have someone else go through each and every ductsock pair and check again. Whenever we are confronted with something of this importance, the efficacy of a second opinion becomes readily apparent.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 08, 1999.

NoSpam, going to white and black only socks is not an option. You'd be mistaken for a defector. Here's my solutions, pick one:

1. Upgrade your sockpile. Ditch them all and only buy debbuged and well commented sockware. Good brands are Nike, Adidas, Gold Toe etc. They have clear and prominent documentation embedded in the material, and stamped compliant. Or, if funding is a problem:

2. Pin the socks on the wall of your bedroom, assuming the walls are white/offwhitish color. You can ductpatch the pinholes later. I hope you keep your bedroom a private place and not public. It's of utmost importance that you keep your socking activities top-secret and classified.

-- Chris (, January 08, 1999.

Could he use his Y2K compliant left-handed calibrated metric adjustable socket wrench to fasten to the wall?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, January 08, 1999.


At this rate it may be Sock Therapy time soon. You're missing a brown sock, hunh -- shall I just post a Polaroid in the laundry room for everyone to look over in case I have some(every)one's missing sock(s)?

- - -


>consider using the Robert Cook Sock Methodology,

This means I have to cook my socks? Boil, bake, steam, fry, poach, roast ... which?

>which is to only have white socks and black socks,

Aaaccckkk! Replace my whole inventory?

>and keep them is separate drawers (duct-taped together if you want to use my approach too)

If I ducked-taped my drawers together I'll have trouble keeping my balance. Besides, I'm allergic to ducks.

- - -


>going to white and black only socks is not an option.

Good -- an independent confirmation of what I'd suspected!

>You'd be mistaken for a defector.

I'm defectively willing to admit that I've been mistaken.

>1. Upgrade your sockpile. Ditch them all

Aaaccckkk! Replace my whole inventory?

>if funding is a problem:

It is.

>2. Pin the socks on the wall of your bedroom, assuming the walls are white/offwhitish color.

How can I determine what the socks are assuming? Sock Therapy (I guess it _is_ time)? If they assume the wall is green, how can I convince them otherwise?

And just why does it matter what the socks assume when I pin them to the wall?

>You can ductpatch the pinholes later.

Maybe YOU can "ductpatch the pinholes", but I've never knowingly done that and have absolutely no training therein.

>I hope you keep your bedroom a private place and not public.

AFAIK it has no duckpacked pinholes or undeducted loopholes.

>It's of utmost importance that you keep your socking activities top-secret and classified.

I'd classify my socks if I could, but my red-green ... (explained earlier).

-- No Spam Please (, January 08, 1999.

No Spam Please,

Sock Therapy ... throw 'em all in laundry room bagga and toss in trash.

Start over with new socks.

Spring coming, sort'a soon. How about "socking pink?" Get noticed by your socks instead you trying to notice them.


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 08, 1999.

Nospam and all, we're going 'round circles, stuck in a loop with this socky problem. Just eat your *&%^ socks!

I'm losing (or gaining) it. I used to have a pleasant fruitcake personality.

-- Chris (, January 08, 1999.

Diane - ref "sorta soon" he's trying to sorta socks, not soon's. If he were sorting soon'ers, he be re-arranging Oklahoma - and Texas needs it to keep Kansas (and other things) from sliding south.

Why should the walls be assumed to be white or off-white? And why should NSP worry about what the walls are assuming - I thought they were above it all in the first place. Frankly, the walls just might be green with envy at cleverly divided black and white sock drawers.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, January 09, 1999.

POUT It's my birthday today and I didn't get any fruitcake. I don't wanna play anymore.

-- Chris (, January 09, 1999.

Chris: Don't pout, because I'm sending you a vintage 1982 non-fiat cyber fruitcake. It will be wrapped in duct tape, naturally. Happy Birthday, and thanks for some great contributions to the forum and also to the FRL. Long Live our Fruitcake Freedom!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 09, 1999.


>Sock Therapy ... throw 'em all in laundry room bagga and toss in trash.

So, for a sock ... being thrown in a laundry room bagga ... and tossed in trash ... is therapy. Bummer.

I'm trying not to empathize.

>How about "socking pink?" Get noticed by your socks instead you trying to notice them.

Are you teasing me?

-- No Spam Please (, January 09, 1999.

ROFL! Thanks Rob. You along with my bro and his wife just made my day.

I got my fruitcake afterall! I have to share with you and the FRL gang this virtual card I recieved from them. It's in french, so I'll translate the message:

"Merci pour tout pour le jour de l an.Passe une belle soiree avec ton chum. Profite de ta derniere annee millenaire avant le bogue 2000. Bonne anniversaire. On t embrasse bien fort. Eric et Gina"

[Thank you for everything and the New Year (party). Have a wonderful evening with your husband. Make the most of this last millenium year before Y2K hits. Happy birthday. Kisses and hugs.]

Those were DGI's only 3 months ago! :-D

-- Chris (, January 10, 1999.


:-D Cute card!

"Le bogue 2000" is it now?

-- No Spam Please (, January 10, 1999.

Can you misspell fruitcakes faster in French? Would you notice if it were misspelled in French? Do you have to re-arrange the keyboard to touch mis-type in French since all the letters go in different places when they come out the other end of the wires?

How do you translate "red socks on rubber duckies" from Canadianian to French to Russian?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (, January 11, 1999.

No Spam Please, et. al., Am I teasing you?

No just my missing brown sock. Id never tease you! Except with ...

... FEMA links -- Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum

... DoD links -- Dumb or Dumber?

... USDA links -- Undercover Sockpiling & Dumping Association

... NOAA links -- Not Only Absent Air-heads

... NIST links -- Not Ignoring Socking Timing

... IRS links -- Irrational Red Sock-it-to-'ems

... HUD links -- Helpful Until De-duct-taped

... FCC links -- Foolish Content-free Commune-i-cations

... FAA links -- Forget About Airports

... OPM links -- Optimistic People Mismanagement

... SEC links -- Sock Everybody Cold

... SBA links -- Smaller But (not) Aware

Whew! Thats nuf fer now. Feeling teased yet?


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 11, 1999.

Robert: LOL. While the languages may need translation, say from French to Russian, everyone understands a fruitcake (like a smile), or a rubber ducky. This is just another of their endearing quackities. You know, there are a number of words on this thread that are in a previously and hitherto unknown language. Fruitcakian?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 11, 1999.

NSP, yes "le bogue 2000" is year 2000 bug. "bogue" is pronounced guess what...bug (wit a fwench accent biensure.) "bogue" in french sound so much sophisticated than "insect" or "bebitte"...LOL!

Monsieur Cook, Fruitcake in french is "gateau au fruits", longer to type, so takes longer to misspell.

'Red socks on rubber duckies' translations:

Canadianian - "rubber ducks suck, eh."

French - "canard de robbeur a l'orange."

Russian - "oepb{lh sbhdr fhrekh peqosakhjh."

-- Chris (, January 12, 1999.

Rob, Craig and so many others - you're all crazy!

I searched the whole thread - didn't find the obvious "If fruitcakes are outlawed, only outlaws will have fruitcakes"... or were y'all just being tactful... if so, I just blew it, there...

And not a word about fruitcake derivatives. Surely someone will have to launch a new website.

-- Grrr (, January 12, 1999.

Ureka! We have heard from Grrr,

Who in their saddle has a burr,

Calls us crazy,

But not lazy,

Should we call you Ms. or Sir?

Grrr has looked upon this thread,

All of it Grrr says Grrr read,

Grrr brings up derivatives,

Fruitcake outlaw relatives,

Makes thoughts come into my head:

OK. So if an in-law comes over the house without fruitcake, does that make them an outlaw? Or if an outlaw has fruitcake but keeps it safe in-side, then are they an in-law?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 12, 1999.

rhymin', fer meeEEEEeee?

According to Oxford:

outinlaw = a relative by marriage who deals in illicit sweetmeats

inoutlaw = a trafficker in illicit sweetmeats to whom one is related by marriage [note the subtle nuances of difference between the two terms]

A recent Idaho appeals court decision overturned a lower court ruling that found the possession of fruitcake in a permanent residence "not one's own" was not enforcable.

Last October, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to review a petition filed by the Electronic Fruitcake Foundation on behalf of an organization of embittered FRL ex-spouses.

Grrr of the XY-chromosome (yet inexplicably unmarried) Grrrs

-- Grrr ( (, January 12, 1999.

Correction - the HTML tags fell off the first line of my last post, which should read:

<blush> rhymin', fer meeEEEEeee? </blush>

Apologies. (And a quick 'props' to Rob, whose amusing fake e-mail address certainly wouldn't fool anyGrrr, after receiving that scintillating "Returned Mail: user unknown" e-mail in reply: Your simple use of the f-word in the place of "Customer", as in "Knoe Your ___", is satire-savant brilliance. Don't ever change, you're frightening me.)

-- Grrr (, January 12, 1999.

I'll answer the "What frustrates you thread", here:

What frustrates me is taking an hour to find the fruitcake thread!

It sounds like everyone is having a good year, and is able to properly stock up on fruitcake. Such good news that the "Know your fruitcake" law is well on its way to being laughed out of congress - even here in Canadiania, the fruitcake control laws are meeting with unexpected resistance. I have, however, noticed a huge decrease in the availability of FC - anybody out there have a good source that they can share. (Mom can make her own, but I hate to ask her to do ours,too - she's finding our climate difficult enough!!)

Thanks in advance - Tricia

-- Tricia the Canuckiuckian (, January 13, 1999.


But my in-laws already have a fruitcake inside - so should we outlaw only fiat fruitcakes outside? So how does an in-law with a Fiat Yugo go inside?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 13, 1999.

Not having outlaws that are "in," I'll ask this burning question...

Got any fruitcake recipes for solar cookers?

Think we're going to need an alter-heat fruitcake supply by summer's end. Think long-term. Think this thread will still be going by NEXT Christmas? Gotta start contingency planning now.


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 13, 1999.

Leska: You think finding this thread is hard? Try finding the New to the forum - README thread every week. (I have been sending this to the top for the newbies). YIKES!

I would have never believed it when this was started, but this thread has never been archived off the recent answers page! Also, by my latest count, this is the 164th answer!

Be careful who you ask about fruitcake supply, since there has been mention of anti-fruitcake-hoarding laws, regardless of the status of the stupid and unconstitutional "Know Your Fruitcake" proposal, which, thanks to FRL members like you, is looking less and less likely.

"So how does an in-law with a Fiat Yugo go inside?"

Robert: Simple. You get in, and Yugo!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 13, 1999.

Rob, this is the real Leska; you are mistaking another FRL member for me again! Case of duped duct mesmerization. *I* am still gloomy after not being able to contact you for napt-sharing. And now it's too late, fate accompli :-) You *will* be shocked when the news comes out. :) :) :) Don't say we didn't try to warn ....

I think the solar Cooked cake is a ripe idea, which Robert can help with ;-)
The only thread I'm looking for is that cannibalism one, Something something -- have something piquant to add &P-;

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (, January 13, 1999.

CHRISTMAS FRUIT CAKE DELUXE--please read instructions carefully :)

1 cup butter 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 1 cup mixed dried fruit 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 1 cup brown sugar 2 tbs lemon juice 1 cup chopped mixed nuts 1 bottle good whisky

Taste whisky to ensure it is good quality. Take a large bowl. Pour one cup of whisky and sample well; best quality must be assured. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If fruit gets stuck in beater blades, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now, sift lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one babblespoon of brown sugar or whatever colour you can find. Wix mell. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 gredees.

Don't forget to mix off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window, check the whisky again, and bo to ged.

-- anon (, January 13, 1999.

Looks like anon walks his talk ;-)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 13, 1999.

Real Leska: Sorry about being confused again, but this is my default state. I will try not to let the switch happen anymore. You sound so serious about this contact me stuff... although it is too late. If there was anyway that I could tell you my e-mail address privately I would. Any ideas?

What is "napt-sharing"?

BTW, I agree with you about anon also, bain dramaged like so many of us.

Anon: Welcome to the FRL. Ya got what it takes! Don't be a stranger.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 13, 1999.

Rob, indeed I have been serious about real napt-sharing, i.e. contacting you about a true snatching plan under way, almost accomplished. About eMail, have heard there's free Web eMail sites, so one can have an extra 'public' addy, maybe somebody knows about this? Alas, Rob, you are the person we felt would understand the full pathos of the serious/ironic napting (kidnapping with consent ;_) underway, which yes, will impact us. Anyway my eMail is really working.

On a 'gibberish' note, sounds like we need to try planting a Furby in a stealth rubber ducky. The govt has just announced Furbys are suspect and barred from security site; we must investigate their potentials!

Ashton & Leska, weary of their black blank secret

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 13, 1999.

anon, priceless!!

Welcome to the fruit and nut house. (We are also handing out honorary membership to the U.S. House of Representatives, uh, Reprehensibles).

... NSA -- No Socks Anonymous (or Furby's)

Long live the FRL! (Furby Relief League)


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 13, 1999.

Leska and Ashton: Ok, you've convinced me. I will be laying low since I interpret your post as meaning they are going to try and get me. They may be tracking me now.... BYE!

Forum: It's been great. Maybe I will come back some time, if I think it is safe again. Gotta go NOW.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 13, 1999.

Rob, LOL, we YourDoneEres flee for cover or rice 'n beans at the drop of a clue! Not you, silly, you're fine! So bizarre and comical, if following this thread, the progression makes it plain as day, the mystery afoot. Oh well ... events fall as fate and men design, the more so for lack of interest and alertness. Good thing Ashton & I are on the silver side of the line ... come back, Rob, you're safe. The one at risk impacting us all knows yet blankly does not exhibit any sign of that knowing, a strange phenom to us, but human nature is hard to fathom.

Back to the Furbys, are their communications with Ducks compliant?

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, letting the chips fall without intervention

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 13, 1999.

Nevermind the problem of trying to find this thread, how about having to wait for it to load?! *yawn*...fall asleep each time, as it's the last one I usualy go to, right before hubby pries me off the keyboard. How about we start a fresh one titled "Know your fruitcake part II" or something, and post the link to this one to start with? whadya say Rob sir?

Here's your, January 13, 1999.

ack! I think my URL got stuck in ducktape!

Here's the cannibal thread you were looking for Leska. Can't wait to taste the piquant fruity contribution you'll make...mmmmmm

-- Chris (, January 13, 1999.

Wow! Is this thing still around?? I had a lot of catching up to do. So many interesting things happened here while I was gone. And who is GRRR??? People around here change their names like my son changes his underwear. OK, maybe more often. :-)

Robert Cook, did you go to New Orleans for the sad, sad game? Aren't you glad that stadium has a roof?

Tricia, how is your daughter?

Hey, it doesn't help to reactivate the "New to the forum" thread for the newbies. They don't know to look under "New Answers!" Heck, half of the oldies don't even know to do that. That's why most of them never find this thread, either. If you start a new thread, you will get lots of "imposters and spies." :-)

I have some very sad news to report. My mom called me today and she actually ATE her fruitcake!! My son bought it for her for Christmas and I forgot to tell her to stash it to use as ammo or bricks later on. I guess we should have a funeral, or what?

Well, I don't have any red socks, but I do have a red nightgown. Does that count? And what happened to No Spam? Is he GRRR? Was he embarrassed after telling us about his, um.....problem?

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 14, 1999.

Welcome back Gayla!

Sad to hear about your Mom! My cats nibbled one and it upset their tummies. Not a pretty after effect.

Yes, I think we could work with red nightgown. On cold winter's night they work well with oddly matched socks. (The guys might not take to wearing them though). Don't forget to sock bag your Furby either. The little darlin's have been stuck out in the NSA cold.


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 14, 1999.

Leska: Are you sure it's safe? Well, I guess so, If I can't trust you then I will have to throw in the socks, uh, I mean towel. Since I spent all of my money on Danish Hams and Fruitcake, I couldn't afford to get a Furby, so someone else will have to answer you regarding the communication issue. As a geek though, even if they can't communicate now, we can write a speech recognition translator that will facilitate the Ducky to Furby conversation, much the same as the way the United Nutions :) have done.

Gayla, friend, a hearty welcome back. I am sure you are right about the newbie thread. Hey, I tried anyway, and maybe some folks actually did "get it." I will still put it topside for thosewho have eyes to see. LOL.

Diane: Gayla's mom, and now your cat. Hmmm. This could be the start of a trend. We will need to monitor this situation veeeeeery closely. According to a highly placed administration source that wishes to remain anonymous, last year there were 7,445 DBFs (death by fruitcake) in the U.S. alone.

Chris: The thread loads slowly or quickly more due to the demand and load on the server and RDBMS than the number of answers (for all I know it could still be the same number of I/O's), but it may make sense to start a part II for this since we silly folks still are having fun. So:


MOTION: The BORED is entertaining a motion from Chris to start a "Know Your Fruitcake - Part II" thread, and so places before you this motion for your serious consideration. You may comment on the motion so that we, as the official group of nuts and fruitcake freedom lovers, can decide on if we will do this or not. ]

ACTION: Post your Vote with or without comments on this thread. It is requested that all votes be cast soon, say by 1/1/0000, so that we can come to a quick indecision.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 14, 1999.

From above:


Also, I understand one or mysterious cats "nibbled one" and got sick - now, just to clear things up, is the funeral for the lost fruitcake or lost mom? What happended after the cat(s) nibbled on your mom? Before or after they ate the fruitcake? Did the "lost" mom (stealth variety, I assume I assume) nibble on the cats in return? Before or after the left over ones ate the remaining fruticake?

When a son changes underwear, does he find any lost socks? What is the changed underwear changed into? What is the son changed into? Changed from?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 14, 1999.

Robert, have you been "helping" anon make a fruitcake?

Diane, sorry to hear about the cat. So far, mom is OK.

Rob, I don't think a part II is a good idea. We tried that with the "What About You" thread. It became 5 parts and we couldn't find ANY thing when we needed it. Very confusing. :-)

I DID find the Asylum thread! It was a little lonely in there. What has happened to Donna Barthuley?

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 14, 1999.

Why don't we keep this thread running. Maybe for a Guiness record?

Might confuse the stealth rubber duckys and de-duct-taped furbys. I know I'm confused!


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 14, 1999.

While the idea of a world's record is kinda attractive, it would probably be easier if there were a 'part II' threadlet.

Grrr is not the alias of anyone else. He's been telnetting/Delphi'ing/AOL'ing as Grrr since '92, and is the second known Grrr with a web page (early '95). Thank you for questioning my individual existence. Mercy, merci.

-- Grrr (, January 14, 1999.


I meant that after I had confessed about the "pink car" incident in my childhood, your "socking pink" suggestion looked less than innocent.

- - - - - - -


No, I am not Grrr.

And I was embarrassed _before_ I told you about my, um.....problem.

-- No Spam Please (, January 14, 1999.

I vote to continue this thread and NOT start a "Fruitcake II" thread.

- - - - -


>Why don't we keep this thread running. Maybe for a Guiness record?

We're a lloooonnnnngggg way from the record. At least one thread in The Government of the United States forum is ten times as long as this thread.

-- No Spam Please (, January 14, 1999.

No Spam, no! I can't handle any more threads!!! They're wrapped around my brain as it is!

Actually, I NEED a Guiness stout.

And sleep. The National Guardians are keeping me awake at night. I need to EAT some fruitcake. Maybe that will knock me out. Maybe the stealth rubby ducky can fly away and find the sandman. Maybe, maybe it's "Y2K's Not OK Fatigue" -- YNOK -- ya know? K-Nock, K-Nock.

Diane *Yawn*

-- Diane J. Squire (, January 14, 1999.

Ok. So far, we have three votes for no new thread (Gayla, Diane, and NSP) and one for the new thread (Grrr).

Diane: Have a rest, you have earned it! The NG aren't going anywhere for a while. Sleep and be glad. I have had a long day too, and think I'll go offline myself.

BFN, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 14, 1999.

"Ok. So far, we have three votes for no new thread (Gayla, Diane, and NSP) and one for the new thread (Grrr)."

Ahem...I don't count?


-- Chris (, January 14, 1999.

Hi, Gayla, so nice to hear from you again! You've definitely been missed. Thanks for asking about Carla, she seems fine now. She had some adhesions (bits of her gut got stuck together, probably from scarring) which caused her to be very ill again between Christmas and New Years, hopefully she's gotten all the sick out of her system and won't be sick again for another 13 years! As my sister says, better now than later! If I can keep her away from that weapon's grade FC all should be well.

How is your daughter - any more scary abdominal pain? I hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and that you "live long and prosper".

PS, A new thread sounds great to me, but we should maybe leave out the link to this one so that if the new thread is taken over by trolls, we can return to hiding in this one. (Ooh, that's too mean spirited, I take it back)

-- Tricia the Canuckian (, January 15, 1999.

The count is tied at three votes each so far. (yes, Chris you get a vote too).

p.s. Anyone know where S.O.B has been?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 15, 1999.

Well, he was in the tail end of a B-52 ..... so I hope he was going the same place as where the front end of the B-52 was going - otherwise the pilot would be mad - except that SOB was facing the wrong direction, so he really didn't get there.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 15, 1999.

Tricia, SO glad your daughter is OK. Crystal hasn't had any more trouble. We are very thankful!

Rob, have you seen what has happened to the "deep end" thread? It has already splintered into 3 parts. I'm afraid of what might happen with a new thread.

Robert C. are you avoiding my question?? Did you go to New Orleans??

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 15, 1999.

Robert: Care to vote?

Gayla: Yes, I saw what happened with the splits. Sad.

FRL: As some of you know, I have been working very hard on a speech translator that will facilitate the communication between Stealth Duckys and Furbys. I am posting this to tell you that I have good news and bad news. First the good: news: I have finished the first 95% of the project in only three days. Now the bad news: It will tale me three more months to complete the remaining 5% of the work. So as a result of this slight adjustment to the project deadline, which should have been completed today, we will need to postpone our MOBEX/COMEX Operational test. According to FEMA, The Furby Emergency Mobilization Agency, we cannot rely on the traditional use of Quacks and Gibberish for communications during the test - hence the new translator. Therefore, the test will be postponed until mid-April so that we can make use of the new, non-traditional translator.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 15, 1999.

Ah, darn Rob! Now we gotta go for the back-up groundhogs.

S-s-s-o-o-o-o, difficult to work with. Disappearing and popping up everywhere, and somewhere else. They're jealous of the Furbys and mistrust the stealth rubber duckys. (They fly backwards when going north for the springtime) Vat a mess!

We need some dessert fruit wine to go with the FC.

Gotta still find that sock, out in the cold, and it's raining. Sheesh!


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 16, 1999.

Since they fly backwards when going north for the springtime, do they fly forwards when going south in the Fall? Do they fly sideways during Summer and Winter? Questions and more questions. About the groundhogs, I have heard that they really have their heads in the sand - er, I mean ground - and are difficult to deal with. So, in light of this, perhaps we can institute a GRP (Groundhog Re-education Program) as a contingency plan. There was a study done by someone named Pavlov, who had groundhogs, and was able to train them by reinforcing good behavior with fruitcake particles. So, we can use the same technique in the GRP.

Vote still stands tied.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 16, 1999.

Well, you better hurry with the Ground Hogs. You know what happens in two weeks! And I've heard that GH eat FC!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 16, 1999.

Yikes, Gayla, you are right. Only two weeks to implement the groundhog re-education plan.

Does anyone have suggestions on how we can best get ready for Groundhog Day (G-Day)?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 16, 1999.


I forgot to vote. I vote that you do NOT split this thread.

I have a hard enough time finding my way to the forum. I don't know if I could handle "Son of Know your Fruitcake" or even "Fruitcake II the Saga Continues"

As for the ground hogs. If the "whistle pigs" eat fruitcake we are in trouble. By that very act they are tougher than a steel overcoat. How can we hope to win out against such creatures? Will they eat non compliant fiat fruitcake? Would they be a suitable mount for the furbys? Perhaps the furbys riding the GH and tossing fiat fruitcake to the revelers during the annual "Mardi Gras" parades?


-- sweetolebob (La) (, January 16, 1999.

Hi S.O.B. - missed ya lately. That's a stirring picture you portray - I can visualize the furbys riding on the GHs saying (in furbish) "Let them eat fruitcake" - BTW, Does anyone have a good GH costume that they can lend me for the Mardi Gras, or do I have to go to the underground? Is there any law against impersonating a GH?

Vote stands (or sits) at one in favor of no new thread.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 16, 1999.

Rob, more than one in favor of no new thread! Too many threads a tangled web make. No new taxing threads!

Speaking of robbing ... the napting plan has shifted into high gear. Expect a shocking announcement soon.
Mardi Gras -- the vampires come out in covens then. You need garlic fruitcake to be prepared.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 16, 1999.

High gear huh - Hmmm - OK - a word to the wise...

Vote now is 5 to 3 for no new thread.

offline, bfn, Rob.

p.s. Garlic Fruitcake? Maybe that would go good with the bologna!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 16, 1999.

Rob, Rodney Dangerfield has a GH outfit you can wear, but it' big! And, don't expect any respect when you wear it!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 16, 1999.

Hi Gayla! The FRL is asked to go vote on the best bug pic:

Millennium Bug Contest Winners

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 16, 1999.

Wow, Leska, those are some bugs. I'm afraid that we not only need garlic fruitcake to ward off the vampires, but that there is NO FC that will have sufficient protective qualities against bugs like those.

BTW, I'm not sure that GHs are a good idea either, not only do they resent the Stealth duckies, they usually refuse to do anything at all this far north until at least April and more often May - and that May be too late. What about beavers? They're supposed to be industrious and I've been told that their dams are even more Y2K proofed than any Amish households. Moreover they are easy to transport, see any Canuckianian nickle...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 17, 1999.

Hi Tricia! Aagghh, I'm in the throes of Canuckian envy. Shoulda moved to BC in 1984 when I first saw it! The mistakes of youth. Y'all will survive without even a major deplenishment of armored fruitcake.

I agree with you, the eager beavers a brilliant choice. We do have to worry about those bugs. There's millions more of all colors and stripes. We need an organic pesticide that will not harm beavers, ducks, geese, FRLs, or even the GHs.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, January 17, 1999.

How about a time limit on the voting? If you want to vote post it before Tuesday.

Well now, beavers huh. I like it. Yes. They may be able to flip the lighter fiat fruitcakes with those paddle tails that they have, and they are definitely more intelligent than groundhogs. They are one of the few animals whose teeth can actually gnaw through a real fruitcake too. This is from personal experience. Seen one reduce a sapling to pulp overnight. My sapling. Paid $250 for it too. Better half wanted a fancy tree. Bought one. Truck came and had to lower it into the ground. Wife loved it. Next morning there was the tree, without bark. Turns out the beavers loved it too. Following night they took the whole tree. Never did see it again. Hole's still there. A reminder to both of us. Never did get another tree to replace it either, since we still have the beavers. Dam!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 17, 1999.

Beavers come and beavers go,

The sapling had no chance to grow,

They ate the bark,

Just for a lark,

Then ate the whole tree next you know.

Beavers teeth are very sharp,

On this point you hear me carp,

Took my sapling with a wham,

Scurried off unto their dam,

Then my better-half did harp.

"I want another sapling tree,"

She said, as she no more did see,

The one we planted day before,

250 bucks or more,

lost forever it will be.

"No", I said, look at that hole,

that was not done by a mole,

nor a groundhog nor a furby,

nor a stealth duck in a derby,

beavers they just took their toll.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 18, 1999.

OK, beavers it is. I believe they even communicate with stealth geese already, but it may take some time to train them to fire off FC with their tails. Problem is, they tend to do just as they wish - very independent (just ask Rob!). Sorry to hear about your tree, Rob. Now the question arises, do we need to stock any special supplies for our Y2K beavers, maybe some socks or mitts? I have hopes that since they seem to be akin to gremlins in the ability to make things disappear, that they may be the solution to the missing mitt problems :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 18, 1999.

FRL: Great news today regarding the Know Your Fruitcake proposal. According to CNBC, as posted by Bingo1 here on the forum, "The FDIC has received some 10,000 communications on this topic & only 10 were positive." Let us continue to be vigilant. Remember that the public comment period is not over yet. Keep those e-mails and letters coming. All of those non-fiat fruitcakes that were sent to Congressman Ron Paul at Christmas really helped our cause. Unconfirmed sources, speaking on the condition of anonymity, have told me that he has not eaten even one of them, but is hoard, um, I mean, stockpiling them for future use. Smart man, he. Wish he could help me with this beaver problem.

Still a couple of hours to vote. It will count as long as the dateof the post is before 1/19. With this post, there are now 207 answers on this thread.

Congratulations Gayla, for posting the 200th answer!

-- Rob Michaels (, January 18, 1999.

Wow!! I did?? Well, whaddya know about that.....(in my best "It's a Wonderful Life" Jimmy Stewart voice)

Leska, I think Bug #1 is pretty scary! Bug #2 looks kinda friendly actually. Bug #3 just looks like he is chubby and out of shape. I guess I would say that #1 is the best choice for #1. :-)

(Hey, has anyone besides me noticed that not only Diane is missing today- she told us she was going to take a few days off- but Leska is noticeably missing, too??? And they seemed to be sharing a private joke about Diane being afraid to fly......if I was a detective, or a stealth rubber ducky, I would be checking to see if Diane flew up to meet Leska and Ashton to "get acquainted," or maybe to compare vintage fruitcakes??? Hmmmmmm!)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 19, 1999.

Gayla, you are toooooo smart and toooo observant -- you are now crowned Chief FRL CIA GI.

Fact, synchronicity fact: Birds of a feather flock together: FACT: the first hour of our mission was haloed by a flock of Canuckian Geese, flying in formation, directly overhead, honking.

There seems to be more to this than meets the average goose's eyes.
Not gotten to fruitcake stash yet but have examined potentials of mystery layers in sushi rolls. Perfect foil for hiding messages, and to ducks, geese, and beavers. GH?

Ashton & Leska & Diane in Cascadia (yes, you read that right!)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (, January 19, 1999.

This is too cool Leska and Diane! I can imagine the both of you giving that poor puter of yours a workout. You'd fry the HD! Hope you'll spend good productive time exchanging FRL war stories instead.

Leska, as a good Y2K FRL fruitcake patriot, I sent my vote on the bug. It was a difficult choice, but I voted for #3.

And to show proof of how patriotic I am, here's the wallpaper and screen saver I have on my puter, my all time favorite. Milbug

-- Chris (, January 19, 1999.

Ashton, Leska, and Diane: Wow. This is the biggest news to ever hit the FRL. A regular wowpow, er, I mean pow-wow. And Gayla, how did you ever figure it all out? Good thing you are on our side. Leska kept giving us hints but to no avail. Duh. Socks and Hats off to all of you.

Regarding the two votes: First, no new thread wins (Sorry, Chris - glad you are a patriotic good sport). Second, I voted for the first bug - It was really a beaver in disguise - did you see those two big beaver teeth it had? They command respect, and so do you all. In honor of your terrific successful operation, and to commerorate it forever, I name this day, January 19, NaptSack Day.

BTW Chris, loved that milbug - LOL.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 19, 1999.

Wellllll, I was wondering which Tuesday was required for voting, but it clearly is the 19th, but of which month? I've about about got the site timed out so it opens, I go to get a cup of coffee, and then its done when the coffee is poured - so I'll vote with the keep one thread, otherwise I might have to use two ingredients.

Yes - we did get to LA for the game, stayed near the "Red Stick" and drove down for the pre-game festivities and so see the bands. Jean was most impressed.

How does one remediate a groundhog for the Y2K problem - they must have an embedded chip in there someplace. And do they realize that 2000 will be a leap year - and so there is an extra day to account for when they appear in Feb 2001.

A beaver flipping fiat FC's with its tale? - could be done, could be done. Do the Canuckianian beavers build metric dams? Who gives them a building permit, and which firm signs off their ecologocal permit?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 19, 1999.

Ah ha! I knew it!! :-) Chief FRL CIA GI.......that GI part must mean that I deal a lot with teenagers and have learned to pay close attention to details? Even people's e-mail addresses, huh, Rob? :-) Leska and Diane, I hope you guys have a lot of fun. I have an e-mail friend that I met from this BB that I hope to meet some day soon. She is the sweetest person!! We have exchanged family pictures, etc. Isn't technology wonderful?

Robert, I'm glad you all had fun. Been to Baton Rouge many times myself!! Just wish the Aggies had WON!!

Hey, we don't have any beavers down here. Come to think of it, we don't get geese here very often, either. (It's 78 degrees right now) We DO have lots of FC, though. I wonder if you can teach cows to do anything helpful?? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 19, 1999.

And now for the business news. It's all mergers: (courtesey of my joke-junky email buddy)

Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker

W. R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace

3M & Goodyear: mmmGood

John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine

3M, JCPenney, Canadian Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera

Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women: Knott NOW!

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da

Netscape and Yahoo are merging and opening a company in Israel. It will be called Netanyahoo

-- Chris (, January 20, 1999.

ROTFL! Thanks, Chris, it took me three times to type my name through the laughter (and even more to type this message!)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 21, 1999.

Chris: ROFLTIP - favorite is the "poupon pants" - brings back memories - once a parent, always a parent, I guess - LOL

Ashton Diane Leska: I haven't been on the forum much these last few days but managed to glean that you have been attending Fruitcake Emergency Mgmt meetings. Sounds interesting. Time permitting, after things calm back down to the "normal rush", how about a summary report of any activities that concern the FRL?

-- Rob Michaels (, January 21, 1999.

Rob, certainly, a report will be forthcoming. Diane is on the plane back now, so give us a day to recuperate from a busy week. So rushed at end didn't have a chance to present her with a new fruitcake to examine! That'll have to be the first order of agenda upon her return. The FEMA fruitys are out of the loop! Meanwhile ... catch up time! Over 2000 unread eMails. Gonna go blind tonight. Will need a seeing-eye beaver. Have enough rainwater to keep beaver happy, plus enough flaunt-some & jet-some to build a fort.stress dam.

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, dancing the goose-step

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (, January 21, 1999.

Chris, LOVE the mergers.

Rob, yes, I'm now ba-a-a-a-ck. Reports later.

A seeing-eye beaver Leska? Hummm. Maybe we should lauch all Y2K visionary beavers along with fruitcakes in the automatic slingshots? Should we lob them at Washington? Or Clint-ton?

Good to be re-wired again!


-- Diane J. Squire (, January 22, 1999.

Latest on the Bored: (keep in mind they are talking about fiat fruitcake only)

The Fruitcake Reserve Bored has devoted significant resources to ensuring that fruitcake, including delivery systems, will operate without disruption over the century date change. We are confident that our nation's fruitcake and its key suppliers will be prepared for the century rollover.

Although we do not anticipate that there will be major or prolonged difficulties accessing fruitcake, the public may do its own contingency planning by holding extra fruitcake during the century rollover period. In order to be prepared for such an occurrence, the Fruitcake Reserve Bored will be ready to issue more fruitcake into circulation, when and if demanded by the public. This will be accomplished by asking the U.S. Fruitury to bake additional cakes - just over 50 billion for domestic contingency and 20 billion for international contingency purposes. Under normal circumstances, the Fruitcake Reserve Bored holds approximately 150 billion in reserve, and we estimate that the substantially higher amount of fruitcakes available for the century date change will more than adequately meet demand.

Domestically, consumers may decide to hold extra fruitcake to make routine household purchases such as buckets of wheat, cases of Danish hams, solar ovens, water barrels, etc, but it is unlikely that people will barter a significantly higher proportion of their fruitcake than they normally do because such a move would leave them defenseless. Most people prefer to keep their fruitcake delivery systems, such as catapults, slingshots, stealth geese, duckys, and beavers where they can find them in case of sudden attack.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 22, 1999.


"...consumers may decide to hold extra fruitcake..."

What if they drop them?

We'll all need FEMA (Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum) training for appropriate cakeless fruit 'n nuts disaster responses. (Watch out for big toes too).


(P.S. My stealth rubber ducky wants a relaxing fruity bubble bath, and is not looking forward, or backwards, to future sponge[cake] baths. So there.)

-- Diane J. Squire (, January 22, 1999.

Is it just me, or is it getting nearly impossible to keep up with all of these postings? Diane, I don't know how you're going to catch up! It's a little TOO quiet at Pastor Chris's forum, but this is crazy!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 23, 1999.

Gayla, it's not just you! Ttooooo many posts, but they're almost all really good so I'm still trying to read, but weeks behind. Diane not only has to catch up here but has bags of videos and books to get through. Bye-bye sleep ;-) Maybe we should send Diane a coop.pond for seeing-eye beaver help re wading.

Diane, like that Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum ;-D
Since our TV blinkered out on 99 rollover, and repairppl want $85 to figure out what's wrong with it, we found a TV-VCR combo, nice, for $150 to watch all these Y2K videos, etc. Think the FRL can put together a fema videoskit? That would be good therapy!

Rob, sorry our reports are scattered all over other threads. FRL dispursement a problem. Not even the stealth rubber duckies can keep up anymore. Supposedly an Oracle search engine is in the works. Don't you think the FRL could use an Oracle search? Psychics, wizards, fortune tellers, and profit prophetics would be useful.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (, January 23, 1999.

LOL Gayla and Diane. I can't keep up at all, not for the last few weeks. I end up reading some threads, nowhere near all, and posting to ones that I start as always, but less and less frequently to others. The only time I can sit for an hour or so is later at night. During the day my M.O. has been to pop in for a few minutes to check for any answers to my questions, look around a bit, and then pop out. We have one heck of a thread going now (TBOTWAWBI). Check it out if you have time. See youz guyz tonite.

p.s. Like the FEMA skit idea.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 23, 1999.

Two isues - ground hog embedded chips (Are they 02/29/2000 compliant, or will Goundhog day in 2001 come one day earlier?)

Also, how many beaver chips can a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog beaver chips?

We shall assume that groundhogs stash seeing-eye beaver chips, since they can't read braille, and cowchips are too big to stash in fruitcake shelters.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 24, 1999.

Robert: Regarding the ground hog embedded chips, are they embedded or imbedded or enchipded? Are they in the ground with the hog, or do the beavers hog them above the ground? I think the cowchips are used by beavers when building their dams, and they are smart enough to use fiat fruitcake particles as mortar for the above ground portion.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 24, 1999.

Hey guys!! I think I found a VOLUNTEER!! I hope this works. If he pops up his head, it means he's ready:

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 24, 1999.

Gayla: ROTFLTIP - the kids loved it too. Did you also check out the hedgehog screensaver and musical greeting card? LOL

-- Rob Michaels (, January 24, 1999.

LOL, Gayla! I'm ready for Spring now. Sunshine, rainbows, fleecy clouds, riotiously beautiful flowers, fragrant breezes, aahhh. *waving to groundhogs*

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 24, 1999.

I've seen this guy's picture posted at every fruitcake dealer locations. I thought I'd warn FRL members to be on the lookout for him, he seems pretty hard to spot from what I understand, so here's a copy of his likeness.

Also seen at same location this cryptic message:
If Groundhog Day is bright and clear
There'll be two winters in the year.
Or if no shadow do ye see
An early spring is what there'll be.

Groundhogs, if your aim be true
Then loving fame awaits for you.
But guess ye wrong, and lickety-split:
A groundhog carcass on a stick.

-- Chris (, January 24, 1999.

LOL, Chris! Wholehog, he looks like he's eaten some whiskey-fortified fruitcake. Are you sure it isn't a mole?

-- Leska (, January 24, 1999.

The one and only prophet of wintertime prognostication is Punxsutawney Phil, all others are wanna be posers.

-- Uncle Deedah (, January 24, 1999.

But, Unc, he's always wrong (at least for us)! Maybe our extreme cold freezes his brain in the weather prediction dept.

As usual, you all have me in stitches - - - -

I saw some fruitcake on special this week, maybe it didn't all disappear over Christmas.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 25, 1999.

Help!!!! I'm drowning in unread threads!!

Oh, well .. tough chocolate chip cookies. Or is that beaver chip cookies, or cooked beavers, or hungry hogs grounded for stockpiling rubby duckies, or ... time to hide. Can't see my shadow anymore.

Love our new mascot guys!! Or is that mass cot, or cot by the masses, or, or, or ... as she mutters herself to sleep.

Diane, with bleary video eyes

-- Diane J. Squire (, January 25, 1999.

Diane, you know you can't go to sleep yet!
Remember, only from 2/a to 6/a.
The screen radiation will keep you awake, like a cybermole in a lab.
BTW, how were those videos? Did you watch all four?
The TV screen must not be as enlivening as the computer screen. ;-)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 25, 1999.

Poor Diane! The sleepier she gets, the more she sounds like Robert Cook. :-) NOW we know what's wrong with you, Robert! You gotta quit working so hard!!

Chris, loved the picture!! That is SO cute! How do you get HTML to accept a picture? < picture > ?? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 25, 1999.

Gayla...shhhh...don't tell anyone, it's a secwet! Click on the "view" menu and select "page source" and it will show you the right tag.

But don't tell anyone outside the FRL, or we'll be invaded by worse than groundhogs! eeeeeeeep!!!

-- Chris (, January 25, 1999.

Open the thread and what do I see?

A little groundhog looking at me.

This FRL mascot is surely a prize,

Great job Chris, a feast for our eyes.

Diane should be tired, she found all those links,

And after I read them I needed some drinks,

And at her last post, I really did look,

It sounded just like Robert A. Cook!

So Diane, we hope you have rest

This way you'll always be at your best,

For you are you for all the day,

We wouldn't have it, any other way.

Robert surely has his style,

Almost always makes us smile,

Is it is, or it is it,

Jesting with the words that fit,

Master of the subtle wit.

For the FRL, what a banner day,

Our Fruitcake mascot is here to stay.

Beavers, Furbys, and Stealth geese,

Deliver fruitcake to keep the peace.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 25, 1999.

As I was scolling down to see what was new [ nothing :_( ], Cher was singing 'If I Could Turn Back Time' on the radio. What a great Y2K song!

To all fruitcases (oops), fruitcake defenders - Good night!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 28, 1999.

Tricia, I know, it's SO sad! Our dear Rob has not been heard from for several days. And now, Diane is on her way to play with Leska and Ashton again. They get to go see Ed while we are left to care for the rubber duckies. Wonder how much a ticket to Seattle is? Hmmmm....

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 29, 1999.

Rob is working on some type of writing project for community outreach education, sumpin like that. And about Diane, ain't a napting plan just for play ;( wish! Ed will be at Expo; we'll have a harmonic convergence ;) Tickets paid for by somebody else entirely; not real expensive, and they're more than getting their $$ worth. Expect to see the Canuckian Geese circling. Will be looking for Seattle fruitcake samples. More later. FRL members please join us!

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, matchmakers

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-- Leska (, January 29, 1999.

Hi everyone, I'm baaaaaack - sort of. I finished the list and just posted it for the forum. It is on theList of Y2K failures - here is proof thread. Enjoy!

Hey Leska and Ashton , if you like the list and manage to see ED, maybe you could show it to him - he may get a kick out of it. Wish I could be there with you - well, I will be in spirit anyway - have fun and don't keep Diane too long. LOL.

As a result of working on the failures list, I let some other things slip - so I have some catching up to do but should be back online by Sunday. I miss talking to all of you, my fellow nuts! See you then, BFN, Rob.

p.s. Diane, Leska, and Ashton: How did you ever catch up on the forum? I don't even think it is possible for me and just plan to start with the recent answers.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 29, 1999.

Hi Rob! Oops, he's slipped away again. Been watching the beavers' slippery tricks too much. Ducked under the surface and headed for his fruitcake-fortified dam. He'll be good for helping us lay traps. Rob, Ashton & I get the whole Forum by eMail. Well, until our puter putted out and now we're missing roughly 1/2 of all eMail which are drop-disappearing into thin air. ??? Sure wish I knew how to fix electronic gizmos. Useful & lucrative skill. Maybe we should start a "If I Had It To Do All Over ... " thread. Not caught up yet, have @ 2000 eMails still to fast-scan & delete. Rob, try going thru New Questions backwards-up quickly. Like coming up for air. ;-D

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, January 29, 1999.

Leska: I'm still here... I'll be popping online here and there. I was thinking about our mascot and what Tricia said about that song by Cher and got a brainstorm! If the FRL has a mascot, why not a theme song too? What was that one about beavers, no, no, it was muskrats, by the Carpenters I think - about muskrats in love or something - had really silly sqeaky noises on the reocrd that were supposed to be muskrats in love - I know, I know, that song is probably too silly for this thread. Maybe some one can think of another song for us.

Regarding catching up, you suggested starting at the New Questions and going "backwards-up quickly". Can I go backwards-up slowly, or forwards-up quickly, or backwards-down, or sideways? Oh NO! Now I sound like Robert Cook! :-)


-- Rob Michaels (, January 29, 1999.

Rob, glad you're OK!!

Leska, it's not your computer. When the forum is overloaded, it does not send out e-mail announcements. Say hi to Ed from the FRL!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 29, 1999.

Too silly for this thread?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 29, 1999.

Uh, folks? Well, I think Leska and Ashton are up to something (again). Diane is going to see them again, right? Now check out Leska's next to last post and notice the word "matchmaker." Hmmm.

Gayla, as Chief FRL CIA GI, what do you think? Am I just over-tired or is something up?

Robert :-)

-- Rob Michaels (, January 29, 1999.

"matchmakers" "harmonic convergence"...hmmm....definitely something there...but where? Is convergic harmonience a place to make a match? Or a place a match can be struck? Has Robert Cook struck us all? I feel like a kook as I strike my keys.

I'll be lowkey on the forum for at least a week, I have vewwy important business to tend to. Or is it to tan to. Plus I messed up my winsock connection on my puter, I had to sneak on my daughter's netscape and I'm tying up the voice line. I think my puter ate its sock, I can't win! I tried everything I could, I called Peter at the pond and for 3 hours he walked me through the internals of my puter, no luck! ewww...peecees's guts are sooo ugly. I miss my Mac...oh well, don't send me emails 'till I return, I wouldn't be able to read them and I hate when that happens...I'm rambling, I better go.

I don't think I'll miss you too much guys where I'll don't miss me too much either ;-) Taking a sunny Y2K break *boiiing!!*

-- Chris (, January 29, 1999.

Bye, Chris - we'll miss you! And while you're getting brown, I'll be turning green. Oh, BTW, when you find the sock gremlin, ask where my mitts are!!?

Ashton, Leska, and Diane - hope you all enjoy the weekend. I'd hoped I might make it, too, but can't. :-( Have you heard if Holly will be there, too?

Robert, I've noticed that people here turn Robertish only when you haven't posted for a while; it helps us feel less lonely.

Rob, good to have you back! I gave up on keeping track of all threads about a week before Christmas. Life is just tooo busy, and keeps happening. I appreciated the hint to tune in to the TBOTWAWBI link, I would have missed it otherwise.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 30, 1999.

Jean is complaining loudly about Myst - turns out it won't play on an NT machine - just Win95 - and we only have NT's here - so she's uptight and irritable -

(Jean interupts) Welllllll, you should be too. tTherre goes eighty dollars down the drain all because a computers that can design submarines and buildings you work in can't play a simple game that works ON ALL MY FRIEND'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

(Jean stops interupting)

(Jean Reenters) It's not fair. All I want to do is play a game that I finally figured out how to do via hint books :> and it turns out I can't use the knew information. I feel like I memorized the whole stinkin' book for nothing. All I have to say is that if my dad can't network those two computers needed ( TWO computers) (How many out there had no trouble whatsoever loading this/ See dad everyone raises their hand) then I will personally kill someone. I shoot the computers. Drag it out to the shooting range and blast it away with an antitank gun. My excuse, it wasn't Y2K compatible.

(End of interuption, again.)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 30, 1999.

Robert: Sounds like you have your hands full on this one. The last game that I bought wouldn't even load it needed so much memory for the graphics. I ended up re-configuring my sys.config and autoexec.bat files, moving stuff around in memory, etc. finally got it to load and work. Maybe if you have enough paper you can print out this thread and give it to her to help lighten things up. One other word good sir, you are the best - we imitate you, but always fall short, er, or is it rise tall, or is it fall tall, or is it...

p.s. If printing the thread doesn't relive (sic) the tension, why not try giving her what every one loves, you know, fruitcake! Rubber duckies? Just a thought.

-- Rob Michaels (, January 30, 1999.

Robert, you have my sympathy, sir. My 13 yr old daughter has lots of complaints about how much I hog the computer. At least you have 2, even if neither one plays Myst. I guess you need a third - must Myst!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, January 30, 1999.

Couldn't resist! Just finished packing up and I had an hour to kill before I went to bed, so I sneaked on daughter's puter...what else do you expect from an FRL addicted? duh..

I got Myst on my Mac when it came out. I got it right after ants invaded it. I'm still twitching just thinking of it...or is it itching? Anyway, I don't have good memories from that era...being beaten at strategy games by an 8 year old is more emotionally traumatizing than learning about Y2K...The kid beat SimAnts in less than 5 months while I was still trying to figure out how to clean them out of my HD *twitch*. Maybe it was the crumbs in my keyboard...I never could regain whatever authority I had over that kid after that...

I better go to bed now, don't want to miss the plane. I think I miss you guys already. Wonder if they have an internet cafe over there...

-- Chris (, January 30, 1999.

Rob, that Carpenters' song was titled "Muskrat Love", but it wouldn't be right for this thread's theme song - not fruity enough.

-- No Spam Please (, January 30, 1999.

Rob, I think you're right. Something IS up. I just read a wonderful account of the Seattle conference by Leska, so now that she's back, maybe she will tell us who she is trying to "match-up?"

And Ms. Chris, just where are you going to play in the sun??? I'm still trying to figure out where "over there" is, but you didn't give enough clues. Cancun? Hawaii?

Jean, I completed the MYST game in 4 days (without hints, too. Yes, I'm bragging) :-) So, if your dad ever figures out a way for you to play and you need more help, just ask. PS- I already beat the sequel Riven, too. It's much harder!!!

Uncle Deedah, if you wander back in here, I have a question for you.....

-- Gayla Dunbar (, January 31, 1999.

Gayla - if you could email your Win95 compatible 'puter here for a couple of hours, I'm sure that'll work.

Send that y2K compatible woodchuck too, he'll keep the groundhog and beaver companion to the rubby ducky.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, January 31, 1999.

I fear that I'm just not bright enough to keep track of all the threads within this thread. We've had geese, ducks (rubber and stealth), beavers, muskrats, ground hogs, gremlins, duct tape, fruitcakes, fiat fruitcakes, socks, kidnaps, spies, ohmy!

I think it must be time for another limerick:

This thread is fun for Y2K-ers,

A break for doom and gloom dismayers,

We'll have some fun

While Chris gets some sun,

And type in a few more layers.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 01, 1999.

Uh Oh Tricia, you know not what you started! LOL.

A compliant limerick has five lines,

Together: first, second and last do rhyme,

The third and fourth,

Together rhyme of course,

And if you don't there will be fines!

So when you post upon this thread,

Consider limericks in your head,

They can be fun,

And get the job done,

they make your point in rhyme instead.

OH NO Gayla, I think I've been bitten,

With alphabet stew flu, again I'm smitten,

Last night I posted on Hardliners thread

A rhyme that just came to my head,

And now I can't stop, where are my mittens?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 01, 1999.

Rob, I love the limericks. Glad you got alphabet stew flu! :-)

Leska, tell us more about this "Michael Dowd." Hmmmmm....

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 01, 1999.

Gayla, LOL, our astute resident crowned Chief FRL CIA GI,

Nope, nothing as crazy-exciting as romance. Michael Dowd is already happily paired, with 3 young 'uns. He's the community Y2K leader guy with the eco-focus. He posted a thread here but got bit by the writing bug hard, so has evaporated for the time being. Is in our NET classes.

This constant meeting & presentations and Y2K education is exhausting! Fortunately we may be able to retreat soon and take a break with friend Death. Oh, if the weather were nice and we had the funds: we're ready for a llooonngg week in the boonies with the beavers and geese. They might save us from becoming fruitcake loonies ;-}

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, Y2K wrung out

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, February 01, 1999.

Ashton and Leska: This is especially for youz guyz, who are 'wrung out'.

Chris is off to sunny climes, And we are left to make some rhymes, I have the flu, alphabet stew, Limericks posting all the times.

Gayla I'm surprised at you, I expected help to shake this flu, Instead you're glad, With this silly lad, Its not what I would've thought you'd do!

But happy FRL are we, Tomorrow groundhog he will see, A shadow or a cloudy day, He will take what comes his way, And ROFL 'till he pees!

For out of his hole groundhog won't come, Spring or Winter he is mum, Cameras focus, Hocus pocus, The muskrat song the groundhog hums.

The people watching him are shocked, They never heard a groundhog 'crocked', For this one had fruitcake laced with booze, And woke up late after quite a snooze, Then didn't come out, even though they knocked. \

Ashton and Leska are wrung out, but they do not ever need to pout, only 2000 e-mails left to read, their appetites for fruitcake feed, will help them feel better, they'll be up and about.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 01, 1999.

Rob, ROFLOLTIP, that bounced us back up ;^s
May be contagious, got rhyming giggles ... :o)

mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm

-- Ashton (, February 01, 1999.

I pokes me head in here on occasion.

BTW, since we are all family in here, I will repost a box where I check email now and again, I haven't made a big deal of it to avoid the Jerrys of the world

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 01, 1999.


ROTFL&FOA!! (& Falling Over Again).

I'm quite ready to join the groundhogs in a fruitcake frolick! Had a couple glkassaes of wineeee anda feeeeeeelinnnnnn fine. Hic.

(Y2kay overload and sunshine deprivation. Where IS Chris? Oregon is quite "moist" by CA standards).

Robert, tell Jean her Myst studies will come in handy for Y2K. Great training for following leads and clues. I think I was glued to it for three days, with a little booklet help, and finished the WHOLE thing! the groundhogs would be proud! Someday ... Riven!

Diane, lost in Cascadia

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 01, 1999.

Unc, you're probably safe here, no troll has the patience to let this thread load!

Poor Diane is feeling sad,

Continual gloom will drive her mad,

'Til she gets home

(She's on the roam)

When the sun will make her glad.

Thanks Diane, Leska, et al for comments on the weekend. Although I couldn't make it for that, I have hopes to make it to Northern Cascadia (Van,BC) at the end of Feb/beginning of March. I'd like to get down to Seattle to see my aunt (Renton), but time may be too tight :_(

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 02, 1999.

Tricia, it would be so wonderful to see you! Obviously, we need a FRL bug-by guesthouse. The moss in my webfeet is green with envy at your trip to spectacular Northern Cascadia. Outted my Canuckian longings, you did ;^}

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 02, 1999.

Uncle: Since you pops you head in from tim to tim, would you honor us with a haiku?

FRL: Happy Groundhog Day! No shadow, in fact, no groundhog - see I told you he wouldn't get up on time after eating that 160 proof fruitcake.

Now, when is Beaver Day, and Muskrat Day, andr Ducky Day?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 02, 1999.

We extend our sympathy to our mourning Canadian FRL members today:

Canada-Groundho g

WIARTON, Ontario (AP) - The crowd at Canada's top Groundhog Day festival got worse news Tuesday than a bad weather forecast: They learned that star groundhog Wiarton Willie had died.

Some children among the 200 people burst into tears.

Willie died of natural causes Sunday night, but his death was not disclosed until Tuesday's ceremony.

``We didn't really know what to do,'' said Sam Brouwer, Willie's caretaker for the past 10 years. ``We were absolutely devastated.''

Willie was lying in a pine coffin for a public viewing Tuesday morning. His paws were crossed, pennies were placed over his eyelids and he was clutching a carrot.

Brouwer said the albino groundhog died at the age of 22, much longer than most groundhogs in the wild survive. He had been in failing health when he went into hibernation last fall.

Although Willie wasn't on hand to make his last weather prediction, local officials said the ``spirit'' of Willie indicated there would be an early spring.

The area has had a Groundhog Festival for 43 years, and Wiarton Willie has been the main event for the past decade. A search will be conducted for a successor, to be named Wiarton Willie Jr.

According to folklore, if the sun was out when Willie peeped his head up from winter on Groundhog Day, it meant six more weeks of cold weather. If it was a gray day, with no shadow, it meant an early spring.

His handler said Willie was right 90 percent of the time, but not everybody was happy. A few years ago, Willie got death threats when he predicted an especially bad winter would last six more weeks.
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (, February 02, 1999.

That's the saddest news I've heard all week. sniff.... sniff.... boo- hoo..... :''''( Anybody got any kleenex?

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 02, 1999.

Early spring in Edmonton would be about 6 weeks from now anyway (no, that's not an exageration). In 1974, my parents returned from Africa on June 8th. There was still snow in ditches and on the north sides of houses, not much though. That winter still holds the record for snow fall, over 6'. This is one of the heavier years, but nowhere near that.

I vote we have Beaver Day on the Ides of March (the ninth, right?). Ducky Day varies - it's the day that you see ducks/geese heading for the True North Strong And Free. ( Of course with stealth duckies, this may not happen at all any more. ) Any other suggestions welcomed, natch.

Ground Hog day has come and gone,

My summer clothes I will not don

Nor go to swim,

I'll hit the gym

Or keep my down-filled parka on!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 02, 1999.

"Willie was lying in a pine coffin for a public viewing Tuesday morning. His paws were crossed, pennies were placed over his eyelids and he was clutching a carrot."

Leska: Wow, I am picturing that and it really is something. And to think he was right 90% of the time. FRL members - let this be a lesson to us all that non-fiat fruitcake (with booze) is lethal if eaten - always remember poor Willie's mistake. And the media swallowed that stuff about natural causes - We know better now don't we. Sigh.

Tricia: I think the "Ides" refer originally to the teens of a month, so maybe we can have the period of March 13 - March 19 designated as Beaver Week. What do you think?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 02, 1999.

Mike, you're right! Dictionary says "the 15th day of March, May, July and October, and the 13th day of all other months". We can have a Beaver week if you like, although that might be too long for those with a short attention span; 'course if you've gotten far enough through the thread to be reading this, obviously your attention span isn't very short! March 13-18 it is :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 02, 1999.

Tricia: Who's Mike? You seem to be responding to my last post, so is this my new code name? Maybe I should post as Mike Roberts instead of using my real name. Any suggestions? This started out as such a happy day - now we find that Willie overdosed on fruitcake and I may not be who I think I am. I'm confused.

Am I now Mike or plain ol' Rob,

I am confused, sob, sob, sob, sob.

-- Rob Michaels, er, I mean Mike Roberts ?? (, February 02, 1999.


"Muskrat Love" was from the Captain and Tennille. How dare you slander the Carps thusly...

-- Grrr (, February 02, 1999.

From the dear miss Tricia (above)

..My summer clothes I will not don

Nor go to swim,

I'll hit the gym ...

What does this imply about what clothes she is (or is not ?) wearing to the gym? Or to swim in the gym?? What if there is a him in the gym, there on a whim? Will he see her altogether, in the gym, as she doth swim?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 02, 1999.

Blush, blush... I'm not sure which makes me redder, messing up with Rob Michael's name (mea culpa, many sorrys), or being caught without my summer clothes at the gym. Guess I'll have to take my lead from Donna and flap my sheets on the stationary bikes :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 02, 1999.

Tricia: Whew! Thank you for settting that one straight, for a while I had a bit of an identity crisis, Don't feel sorry. (I have called Leska by your name twice!! Duh) LOL.

Robert: Good to see you back in form.

Gang: Just curious - anyone know how many tress would be killed printing this thread? Probably more that my psychotic beaver could eat in one night. Must be quite a lot of pages - anyone know?

-- Rob I know who I am again Michaels (, February 02, 1999.

Rob, so glad you know who you are! Hey, it cured you of alphabet stew flu!! I asked my printer to print the thread and it said it was 88 pages. I canceled the print job!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 02, 1999.

Identity crisis resolved by end of GroundHog Day ;^D
Anybody see the movie? A favorite for us! Ssoooo apt :)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 03, 1999.

today I wake up

this one just like the last was

will she love me now?

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 03, 1999.

You go back, Jack, do it again...wheel turnin' round and round...

-- Kevin (, February 03, 1999.

Gayla: 88 huh? Wow!

Uncle: Tank u bery mush.


Mice on Wall Street were reported,

"They're rats, not mice", some retorted,

Rodents they are on the prowl,

The brokers they just frown and growl,

Beavers and groundhogs, all assorted.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 03, 1999.

Fruitcakes abounding

No trolls come here hounding

Poetry sounding

I thought I'd give a try to rhyming haiku, alphabet stew flu squared!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 05, 1999.

Californias cool

Sunshine too

Sipping haiku.

Diane, (drying out, from the Oregon rubby ducky weather ... who knows where Ill be in another month? Here or there. There or here. Online fer sure).

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 05, 1999.

There are times, That we make rhymes, And sometimes we are silly. Imagine you see, A gaggle of geese, Flying willie-nillie.

In the sky, They are up high, Looking for a target. The duct-cake drops, Hardened bunkers pop, And on our charts we mark it.

Groundhogs, beavers, muskrats and mice, Pineapple upside-down cake's nice, But fruitcake is what we are about. Flying fruitcake in the air, Ammunition does appear, The enemy retreats in rout.

With catapults, slingshots, and our stealth duckys We fight against the mucky-muckys Our fruitcake freedoms to ensure, Fiat-fruitcake, we won't endure, We shall win because we're lucky.

So proudly our FRL mascot stares, At visitors who find themselves here, And patiently wait for this to load. Uh Oh, Gayla, I have the flu, Tricia, I think, may have it too, Uncle and Diane can write Haikus, This is where we all abode, Friends one and all where humor's told.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 05, 1999.

Rob, I did enjoy your post

What's got me wondering the most

Is what you call

(you're on the ball)

that poetry you wrote?

The rhymes were fine, fun to say,

The words made sense, were a-ok,

but I can't quite see,

(it's prob'ly just me)

what metric form was used today?

PS, where's Hardliner?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 06, 1999.

Hi Tricia: A limerick has five lines. The first, second, and last lines rhyme with each other, and the second and third lines rhyme with each other too - at least that is what I do. I'm not sure exactly what a Haiku's form is, but based on what Uncle and Diane wrote, it seems to be a three line poem. Maybe one of them will read this and tell us more. Sometimes, as in my previous post, I combine limericks with what I will call, for lack of a better name, free form.

Here is a limerick the way I described:

I think this thread's Gone to my head, I had a dream, Woke with a scream, Chips in my fruitcake, they did embed!

Gang: What an awful thought - non-compliant chips embedded in our fruitcake. It occurs to me that nobody really knows exactly what is in fruitcake, not all of the stuff anyway, and there are many different kinds of fruitcake too. The ingredients are unique and some things that go in there may be undefined in nature. Look what happened to poor Willie. But embedded chips? Please say it ain't so.

p.s. This answer is number 286!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 06, 1999.

Rob, Rob, Rob..... (I like saying that!) :-)

Look at what you said, "The first, second, and last lines rhyme with each other, and the second and third lines rhyme with each other too."

We are going to have to work on your math. If the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme, then it would have to be the 3rd and 4th lines that also rhyme. (We're not gonna let YOU divide up the fruitcakes!) :-)

For your math assignment, divide up all of these posts and tell us how many each one of us posted individually. :-) (Just kidding... and I like all of the poetry, no matter which lines rhyme.)

PS- Haiku is 3 lined, unrhymed verse. It is supposed to be 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively, but who cares?? It's the thought that counts.

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 07, 1999.

Even Gayla's thoughts c-o-u-n-t
Busy quantifying an amount
And cat.y.gore.izing poetry metrics
While pouncing pon fruitcake eccentrics
Rob is forking embattled chips
While ours has mocha vanilla drips
Hardliner's Nurse has fled Asylum
We're still here to cheer & sigh some

xxxxxxx mmmmmmm xxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, February 07, 1999.

Fruitcake resistance

The thought of it is futile

Duck now, INCOMING!

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 07, 1999.

Unc, is that the duck that's incoming, or are we supposed to duck the incoming whatever? :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 07, 1999.

Gayla: Yes, you are right - Duh. Good thing I have a puter to help me - uh oh, I counted the thread answers manually, based on SOB's original tally.

Here is a plea, to S. O. B., First Knower of the count, can you help me, check to see, verify the amount?

WARNING - FIRST HAIKU ATTEMPT - read at your own risk!

Fruitcake suspicion, illicit activity, FRL stand strong!

-- Rob Mathless Michaels (, February 07, 1999.

Rob Michaels:

Oh Great One, Knower of Computers, Teacher Of the Light, and Chairman of the Bored.

I noted your APB.

Per your request I have audited the thread.

And, Survey sez ---this answer will be # 294. This is based on this answer being posted next following your request.

Thanks to you I now have very tired lips and sore fingers and toes. This higher math is a killer for "Ole Running Dummy" here.

I'll try to remember to post a count # in any answer that I post. That way I can save the wear and tear on my lips, we will just have to finger walk from the last count. I always update before I post here anyway. No problemo.

Y'all are missing some cool "Mardi Gras" down here. The annual insanity runs through Tuesday, and there is fun for all.

Enjoy the day Folks.

Oh, Ms. Tricia;

The "Mother Goose" and several of the younger geeslets are running short practice flights in the local area. It won't be too much longer now before you will have your geeses (gooseses?) back again. One small problem though. They seem to honk with a Southern accent now. Sort of a "honk y'all" type of thingy. You may end up with them being "honk y'all, Eh?"


-- sweetolebob (, February 07, 1999.


Oh Greater One, Knower of All You Know, and Official Keeper of the Absolutely Correct Count

On behalf of the FRL, may I express our gratitude to you - have a blast at the party and don't take any wooden fruitcake.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 07, 1999.

SOB, lucky you again! Honky tonk fun in Nola. Gotta desire to go down there 'round Halloween to see fellow Riceans. But travelin' near November 1999? Cuttin it too close. :(

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 07, 1999.

To all those Assembled and Disaasembled masses questing for knowledge, or mysting it as the case may be:

We have now before us (befive us, behind us or betwixt us?) the question of which "nola" she meant?

Pensicola, granola, manila ola, or "ole ola" or "new olea" or Pepsi Cola? New Coke or the real stuff? Or is that the question? If travel in Nov 99 - to where would she travel, and if so, is it true all flights lead through Atlanta? If so, should we look overhead for returning goosed geeses?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 07, 1999.

Robert, there's a fer sure - them geese'll be "honk y'all, eh-in" their way back to y'all by November. The head goose told me a long time ago that there's no way she'd ever spend a New Years up here with frozen webbing between her toes.(Smart bird!) :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 08, 1999.

So there is a "head goose"... Hmmm - not an arm goose or a foot goose but a head goose. Is this a Mother Goose or an Aunt Goose?

I miss Chris and Diane - now we know that Chris is probably still in sunny climes, but where is Diane?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 08, 1999.

Actually, Rob, Chris (or someone using her name) was posting last night, so she may be back. 'Course, if it was really she, I'd have expected a posting here, too.

Diane is on the road again, I think. Enroute from Oregon to SanFran.

I'm still here.

The sky it is sunny, The weather all cold, My nose it is runny; But spring's coming, I'm told :-)

I don't know what meter that is either, so I guess I shouldn't tease you about your un-limmericks ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 08, 1999.

Was that a metric meter, an celcius meter, or a pentameter? How cold does it need to be use the bottom of a meter celcius thermometer? Do you use a therdadometer to check your father's fever?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 08, 1999.

Diane's back home, for a little while, in California. She's been doing the Y2K intensive and is hoping to recuperate today. She has some absolutely mind-blowing stuff to post, after which our Forum will never be the same. Don't hold back, Diane!
Nola is New Orleans, re SOB & Mardi Gras. Correct, SOB ???
Chris is posting again, but from where? Is she tan?
Snowing in Cascadia today. Just saw the geese above in formation.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 08, 1999.

Robert: LOL. So does this therdadometer work together with the geeseger counter if it's weally weally cold out?

Tricia: You are getting good at this rhymin'. Thanks for the update on where they are, I was beginning to get concerned - especially for Diane since she has been at risk of being kidnaped before - thought for a while we would have to run another OP. Whew! :-)

-- Rob Michaels (, February 08, 1999.

Robert, my metric meter isn't working, so I don't know watt meter it is. And I tell my kids to use a thermodadometer to check their dad's temp.

Thanks for the update on Diane, and the Nola clarification, Leska. I have to admit that Nola had me flummoxed. Plans for a trip to Van are falling through, so I'm working on a trip to Seattle (Renton) instead - I'll let you know if I'm going to make it to Cascadia :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 08, 1999.


>So there is a "head goose"... Hmmm - not an arm goose or a foot goose but a head goose. Is this a Mother Goose or an Aunt Goose?<

None of the above. It's the "Silly Goose" of course. "Mother Goose" is still camped outside of my backyard. They are drilling around for now, not in any big hurry to head back up north. They don't want to be "eager beavers".

Ms. leska;

Yep, it is true that New Orleans has the "biggie" as far as Mardi Gras goes, but the whole state gets involved in the madness. I prefer the mardi gras over in Lake Charles, or in Ville Platte. Less people, better food, more fun. The best gumbo that you ever threw a lip across is right there in Ville Platte.

Answer #300 goes to Ms. Tricia. She now has the honor of knowing that a piece of king cake has been raised as toast to her from way down here in Louisiana.


# 305

-- sweetolebob (, February 08, 1999.

HONK HONK y'all! There am is!! :-) Still workin' on the dreads, mon. My hair's straight as straw.

Took me all day yesterday to re-install Windows. I was getting the shakes being away from here for so long (and no more pina coladas), and not being able to fix winsock, so I said heck with it! Well dangit it worked!

Then I saw the backlog of threads and posts...didn't help my twitchings...couldn't even find the FRL.

This vacation business is hard work, will take me at least a week to get back on track. I should just give it up vacationing...nah!

Glad to be back!

HONK! HONK! HONK! *throws pinaple fruitcakes around wildly*

-- Chris (, February 08, 1999.

Yessir, Chris is bbaacckkk! On a scale of 1-12, how is your tan?
Rob, ya did it again, confusing me with Tricia or Gayla! It's the revolving identity trio ;^?
HONK if you're a happy fruitcake, LOL, nutty Asylum bliss O:))
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 08, 1999.

As you should know, being of the chiller climes and colder water, the typical thermodadometer rapidly shrinks to very small sizes winst exposed to cold water - as in a nominal fiat swimming pool or while white water wafting with wonderfully wierd wild wooly wambats.

It is rapidly restored once again in more comfortable environ's.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 08, 1999.

WELCOME BACK CHRIS - HONK HONK HONK uh, are these goose honks?

Leska: No, not this time. I posted to Tricia who answered my questionabout Diane and Chirs first - and you posted almost at the same time as me but slightly after - check and see. If I am right then I will no longer stand accused, and this blot on my character shall be expunged from the FRL fruitcakian records.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 08, 1999.


You didn't tell us where you were playing in the sun!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 08, 1999.

Can you not tell mon - I dread no believe you not understand which isle lady come - she the pretty one from north land of snow and cold to isles of carib and pineapples and colada's!

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 08, 1999.

Rob, not a blot on your char, but a West Coast eccentricity :)
You are hereby exhumed and stand amused.
SOB's partying down South, 'an Robert's been in the whiskied fruitcakes again.
Chris has come back with a wild hair
and Diane has insider info bombs to draw the FRL tight together.
We're zombified in the twilight zone between this world and the next with our patient
while the geese wheel overhead in the rainbows-after-snow.
Rob, time for your State Of The FruitCake Report.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 08, 1999.

Leska: ROTFLTIP. Now that I have been expunged and exonerated and even exhumed, I will begin work on the SOTF Report. When is it due?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 08, 1999.

Capt. Cook gets an extra pineapple fruitcake for guessing right. I was in the US Virgin islands, St-Thomas. I was seriously thinking looking for a housekeeping job at a hotel resort and...oops! miss my flight back home...*sigh*

Gayla I see you've been learing HTML while I was gone. Don't get too wild on us woman! =;^D

Leska, the suspence is KILLING ME!! arrrghhh!! Every thread I turn to you mention what Diane is supposed to be posting, or has she already? Can't you get on the phone and nudge her or something??

Uncle has joined the FRL! ABOUT TIME! Keep those quacks (that's FRLian for rubber duckies) over on that political threads in line, Unc.

Now where's Hardliner? We have all the brains in here but not enough wisdom and discipline. Or perhaps that's what makes the FRL so effective? How about some wisdomic disciplinatious limericks from Hardliner? I know you're lurking here Hardliner! Don't be such a snob! Asylums are passe, the fools are awakening and the FRL is staging a revolution. A revolutionary evolution even, I can feel it! All this talk on the threads is straightening my dreads...I dread I'm threading on thin threads again...

-- Chris (, February 08, 1999.

Rob, idshumored & idsoneroused, the Report is due when you can gather all the loose ends cohesively, but Diane's outing will give a new urgent mandate to the SOTFRL.

Chris, it's hard for me too, knowing the bombshell Diane is sitting on, but she's thinking it's too hot to post, and she's determined to take a vacation from Y2K today. She's really been working overtime. Calling her on the phone won't do any good just yet. She needs your vacation!

Asylums are never passe! But the mystery is ... what happened to Hardliner's Nurse? Did she become an FRL convert? or covert? or escapee?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, February 08, 1999.

Welcome back, Chris!

I don't think Hardliner ever found this thread. I've been wracking what laughingly passes for a brain to find a way to alert him without attracting trolls, so far all blank.... maybe if I catch up on my sleep?

Tricia was a sleepy-head,

She worked all night instead of bed,

When morning came,

Much to her shame,

Her brain went bloop and was dead :_(

You'd think that after 5 years of shift, I'd be used to it *sigh%

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 09, 1999.

I know the feeling Tricia. Shift work can make one appear dimwitted and add shame on top of exhaustion. I often wondered what had happened to my brain, why I couldn't think as fast and as clear as I remembered I used to. The wierd part is that I didn't realize I was lacking sleep, as I was always on adrenaline. Scary to think I was working as nurse back then huh? Mercifully I didn't make bad mistakes affecting patients, but it's troubling to think that I could have.

Leska, since I replaced Windows I lost all old mails...would mind emailing me again please? pretty puhleeeease?

-- Chris (, February 09, 1999.

I'm Ba-a-a-a-ck and on total overwhelm!

Between the Seattle Year 2000 Expo, meeting in Portland, OR, and the two-day intensive in Oakland this past weekend I have a 12 inch high stack of Y2K handouts and scribbled note to "organize." (Plus a sore throat in the making ... sniff, sniff). *Big Sigh*

I need a team of muskrats who are good at sorting and sifting. Sort'a like what one does with the ingrediants (-1 sp) prior to making embedded chip fruitcakes.

Yes, Leska I have been sitting on "that one." Will go recheck it now and post in a few.

Diane, soggy now in NorCal too -- 2 "Y" or not 2 "Y" 2, okay or not O.K. (Pass the whiskey soaked fruitcake please!)

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 09, 1999.

Aaaargh! "A few" hours, or "a few" days??? I normally just politely lurk and quietly listen to the FRL (y'all make me smile). But, these teasers of the past several days about capital B Big capital N News have me holding my breath, and I don't have an oxygen depletion sensor.

-- Wanda (, February 09, 1999.

Whoa, sorry Diane. I think I just snapped there for a second.

Wanda---who has now reactivated the cloaking device and will use this as a learning opportunity to practice patience.

-- Wanda (, February 09, 1999.

Hear ye, Hear ye, the FRL will come to order.

(virtual gavel - hush)

My fellow FRLian's, would-be FRLians, and extinguished lurkers:

It is my solemn and sworn duty, and indeed a great privilege, to deliver this, The first State of the FRL address, to you. I come to you today with a heavy non-fiat fruitcake heart. It gives me immense pleasure to report to you today that the State of our FRL is unsound - that is, we have lots and lots of text and even a groundhog graphic, but no wave files, and it is nice and quiet.

The FRL is strong - both fruitier and nuttier than ever. Our enema, the Evil Fruitcake Reserve Bored of Governors (BORED) with their insidious Know Your Fruitcake proposal have been steadily loosing the battle to take away our Fruitcake Freedoms. However, we have won only the battle, not the war - and for this reason, I have come to the contusion that we must at all times remain wery, wery, wigilant. So keep up the good work. We are all that stands, or sits, or lies down sideways, between Slavery and the protection of the U.S. Fruitstitution. And remember what JFK said, "Ask not what your fruitcake can do for you, ask what you can do for your fruitcake! LONG LIVE OUR FRUITCAKE FREEDOMS!

This completes my unprepared wemarks that constitute this first State of the FRL address. We may now go back to being out of order.

(virtual gavel)

Rob Michaels - starter of the thread

-- Rob Michaels (, February 09, 1999.

Wanda? Wanda? I wonda what happened to Wanda? Wheredawandabe?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 09, 1999.

Oh Great One, Knower of Computers, Teacher Of the Light, Writer of All that is Confusing and Confabulated, Keeper of the Order of the Disordered, and Chairman of the Bored.

Thank you. I am not worthy to be so enlightened. *bows down very low and licks the floor on her way out, and snatches several fruitcakes while nobody is looking*

-- Chris (, February 09, 1999.

.. And don't forget the whiskey Chris.

Our fruitcakes must soak up as much fluid knowledge as possible. For a future time.


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 09, 1999.

Oh great fearless leader Rob!! You said, "Our enema, the Evil Fruitcake Reserve Bored of Governors (BORED)"

I certainly HOPE you meant to say our ENEMY because I am NOT doing the enema thing. NO WAY!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 09, 1999.

I'm kinky, but I draw the line at fruitcake enemas. No thanks.

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 09, 1999.

Why Gayla, butt that is en airea of our expurgtease. Do bend down this way anytime. Tricia, you know the scope! And for Diane, another stimulating use of those lattes ;_D

Thanks you, Rob DisRobed in prep, and welcome, Wanda! Good time to join and come out of the wawacloset.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 09, 1999.

First things first - WELCOME BACK DIANE!!!!

Naturally, I meant enemy, but it came out all wrong didn't it. I was thinking that the enemy was full of, well, nevermind, and got carried away in my zeal to give a good address. I thought it would be funny, but it was in bad taste. No excuses. My complete lack of credibility is now at stake. I cannot live with this shame, and herby tender my resignation, if you so choose to accept it. I will understand.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 09, 1999.

Uncle Deedah, scassdalous, enema party pooper! Better get him a beer-soaked fruitcake.

-- Leska (, February 09, 1999.

Thanks Rob,

Sorry no resignations allowed. Once a fruitcake, always a ...

We're all resigned to this fundamental "s'truth," or is that fruth?

Diane, fruth teller

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 09, 1999.

Herby rejests your resignation, and reenters the next VW race between the turtle and the hair for Disney Studio's next film.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 09, 1999.

Rob, no ducking out. You are our Commander In Fief. Have done recon for FRL under inspiration of PM & Bardou. Fruthwith:

If you live within 5 miles of a Safeway, you're unsafe, in Harmsway.
If you live within 5 miles of a 7-11, you get a quick ticket to heaven.
Anyone by water treatment will be a blotter of excretement.
Anyone by a bank will tank.
Center of city, picture of pity.
Bad side of town, nowhere to be found (eaten).
By a coliseum, ppl coming to see 'um.
If you sell funeral plots, you better buy more lots.
If your business is a crematory, you will live your dream of glory.
If you drive a bus, you'll be toast with no time to cuss.
If you've hidden your fruitcake stash, you have ammo worth more than cash.

More location indicators ... ?? mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmm

-- Ashton (, February 09, 1999.

Very well, I accept your derision. :)

-- Rob Michaels (, February 09, 1999.

Ohmygosh! We've recovered from alphabet flu only to catch the pun plague! And I'm completely out of bricks, having replaced them with ancient fruitcakes which I don't want to waste now throwing at punsters! What to do, what to do???

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 10, 1999.

Tricia, join us! The seriously sleep-deprived need you, no bricks.

-- Leska (, February 10, 1999.

I think I'm seriously sleep deprived. All I know for sure is that my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went :-(

The thread I started on character is a motivation for me. Part of the problem is that I feel the preps I can make are so insufficient as to be pointless. Ashton/Leska, I think you've been through this, any tips on how to remotivate?

Please excuse the serious downer on a thread for fun. I'll do better next time.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 11, 1999.

Gayla you're a wet fruitcake, and not from Whiskey. Purgatively speaking.

-- Chris (, February 11, 1999.

LOL, Chris; Gayla, beware the nurses, the gloved ones.

Hi Tricia! without sleep the get-go goes. Foam earplugs help, also heavy window coverings to ensure darkness. Catnaps of two hours help. Call in sick if necessary. Night shift stinks. Switch. We thought we could handle it -- no kids, no responsibilities per se, used to being up with hospice. NOT. Running around all night is a body-clock killer. Proven by thorough research. Body never adjusts, person's a zombie, ages body/mind quickly, wears down immune system :(

Tricia, have you ever considered hospice? You could have your own business. If organized work & benefits are important, scratch the hospice idea. It doesn't pay well but it is satisfying. Perhaps you can transfer into another research lab, like hearing research (my next choice after hospice). Follow your interests. At this point, you could become a Y2K consultant. Seriously. Ppl are starved for accurate info. As you rightly pointed out on a thread long ago, our jobs will be poof when ppl are struggling for the basics.

About remotivation: Just last night I was fed up again, exhausted, thinking I'm gonna chuck the whole Y2K thing and not think about it. Curiousity strong tho, plus miss y'all. But as far as actual prep, when we're on a hospice job we can't do anything but pt care & this Forum anyway; when off for a couple days (if lucky) in between pts (we do this 24/7 until pt passes on) then we shop like beavers. One thing that helps is we play with our gear right after buying to test it out. Especially the comfort foods ;^D

Just know it's a swingin pendulum and normal to want to ditch the whole thing. Prolly healthy to take Y2K fasts. All preps are worthwhile! We think we're gonna die if it's civil mayhem, but still are prepping. That ole self-preservation instinct. I want to escape this world and be with those beings who shower me with continual love and affection and bliss, and with the intoxicating deep peace and tranquil majesty of God's all-enveloping presence, in an ever-changing newly joyous beautiful fascinating wonderland -- yet while here I'm very happy with day-to-day life in our own little cocoon, so much to explore, and a fount of bubbling inner happiness which (with sleep) keeps laughing at silly earth. Helps that Ashton is a saint. We can't know how well our preps are gonna fit the scenarios, so don't sweat it. God knows you are trying, and your effort motivates the positive unseen forces to come to your aid.

Friendship and character are invaluable. Even if you're barricaded in a hardened fortress with stacks of whiskied fruitcake & whiskered beavers, what good is life without love, friends, goals, and laughter? Tricia, you already have the most important preps :)

Oh, and Rob, esteemed Chaircritter of the Unbored, *thanks* for your friendship affirmation.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 11, 1999.

Diane made an impact upon her return,

Of so many things the forum did learn,

Transnational threats and chumming with bait,

The harvesters sit and patiently wait,

Prepare FRL, before it's too late. (Thank you Diane)

Tricia: I was going to post an answer to the character thread when I saw that you have already received some thoughtful responses. May I just add that you are not alone, and don't forget you have us FRL cyberpals as a support group too.

FRL: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY of the Thread!! (two months today).

I am expecting a note from the energizer bunny asking to join us any day now. Do bunnies get along with beavers and muskrats and ducks?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 11, 1999.

Thanks, Leska, for the encouraging words! I feel better today after 8 hours sleep, even if broken. Unfortunately, I have to work again tonight. Your advise to seek new work is something I'm already doing. Hospice care here is generally provided governmentallly, like all our health care, so I'm not sure that I could start my own business, but I'm looking into going back to homecare; I thoroughly enjoyed it and only left for family reasons. As for prep, I feel better today - I ordered some lamps.

Rob, your thoughts are always appreciated, even when others have beat you to the punch. Happy two month anniversary to you, too.

The Yourdon Assylum has dissappeared,

And when it did, I greatly feared

That support for me

Would not be,

But it's still here, I'm cheered!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 11, 1999.

Hey!!! I think I have been maligned! Alrighty then Chris, I challenge you to a duel. As any good southerner would, I demand satisfaction. (a southern term for a chance to get even) We will meet tomorrow at high noon, at Rob's house. Weapons of choice will be really old, heavy duty fruitcakes.

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 11, 1999.

Uh, Chris, this could be trouble. Real Trouble. I know that you usually check this thread before Lights Out, so how about an explanation for Gayla?

You can't meet at my house. It's too dangerous. You see, Mrs. Michaels is not very happy with me for spoiling the steaks (fruitsteaks, naturally) that was supposed to be for tonight's dinner. I had to go into this room, I think she calls it the kitchen, and get out these steaks that she marinated, and well she told me to cover them, and I did, but not the way she wanted because I was supposed to use this stuff called saran wrap or something but I couldn't get it to stick over the big plate with the fruitsteaks no matter how I tried and I went through all 25 yards of the stuff and kind of made a little mess and the fruitsteaks still weren't covered so I used what I am comfortable with, which as you may have guessed is Duct Tape. I thought she would be happy since it was really covered good, and everything was fine until she saw it and then she sort of threw me out of the house. I am in my car now with the laptop plugged into the lighter and I think she probably won't calm down until well past noon tomorrow but the kids are safe since they know the drill and have locked themselves in the basement until things calm down. Two of them are old enough to remember when the beavers ate the sapling.

So if you and Gayla can't be friends again then be warned that under no conditions will it be safe to duel here at the Michaels's residence. Besides, we are all FRLians and should make every effort to clear up misunderstandings, don't you think?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 11, 1999.

Gayla, Gayla, Gayla (hey, I like saying that) - Deep Breath - Settle down - that's it. Shhhhhhh. It's ok. Remember that for all we know that wasn't even the real Chris. Deep Breath - calm down. This should be a Happy Day for the FRL right? So let's wait and see what Chris says. OK?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 11, 1999.

O Great Diplomatist and Difusionist! Once again you come to my rescue. *sneakily poors wkiskey on Gayla's old fruitcakes to soften them up*

Gayla my friend, I appeal to your sweet southern peachy nature and ask for your forgiveness! I'm afraid that my hurried, horrid and harried attempt at showing off with my pitiful command of english came a real bad fruitcake recepe! I just couldn't resist grabing what looked to me as funny ingredients and threw them all together. I am no match for you in a duel, so please have pity on me.

From now on I'll leave the buns to Paster Rob...uh...the puns to Master Rob.

(Now I must go crash in bed as I've used up all that was left of my brain on this post...pheww...hope this works!)

-- Chris (, February 11, 1999.

Very well. I shall temporarily suspend the duel (especially since Rob is currently de-housed.) I will conduct a POLL (after all, that's how this country is run these days, right???) to see what my fellow FRLians think I should do. Please submit all opinions to this thread ASAP. I will be carefully watching the results.

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 12, 1999.

We must remain harmoniously united in fortified common resistence against any breaches, baiting, disorder, or any other enemic tactics.

None of us can give in to worldly spats. Traumatic times call for increased understanding and efforts to cooperate.
Ashton & I raise our fruitcake bricks in a toast to renewed FRL-cohesion.
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (, February 12, 1999.

Farewell and adieu to you FRL lurkers,

Farewell and adieu fellow members as well,

For we've received orders from dear Mrs. Michaels,

A Y2K break that will last for a spell.

A bit early perhaps, but since I won't be around for a few days, starting tomorrow, Happy Valentines Day to all FRLians. And a cyber, heart-shaped, non-fiat fruitcake is being thrown your way. Duck!

Gayla: In the interest of Peace and FRLian Goodwill, may I request that you make it permanent? As an example, I have made peace with Mrs. Michaels, though I am still posting from the car since she is still in the process of cleaning up that tiny mess I made. And Chris did post a heartfelt response. So, how about it?

Tricia: You are getting really good at limericks!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 12, 1999.

Gayla, an apology is a time-honoured way to resolve conflict before it reaches the duel, and can be honourably accepted until the first cake is flung. That's my vote.

Rob, we'll miss you, but I know I found that a break from the forum did marvels for my ability to relax. Then I could prepare more effectively. Hope it does the same for you!

Things have been very quiet on the BORED front - has the know your fruitcake plan been sunk for good and all?

Fruitcake abounding

Joy, love and peace resounding

I'm pleading for truce!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 12, 1999.

It is a day for reconciliations, isn't it? :-)

E. Coli and Franklin Fournier are chugging Deedah's beer like two ol' chums after making truce over a nasty religious debate. Rob's out of the dog-house (sorry to see him take leaves of the FRL, but I understand his reasons :-))

Love's in the air for sure. If Gayla accepts my apology, it will be the cherry on top of my fruitcake, as hubby's taking me out tonight AND tomorrow night :-)

darn...and I forgot to go shop at Victoria's Secret...oh well, I'll improvise.

-- Chris (, February 12, 1999.

Mrs. Michaels has just allowed me back inside, on condition that beginning tomorrow, I finish a couple projects here at the house and stay off the puter until they get done. So, I won't be able to lurk either. Between "chores" and it being "Valentime", I am figuring a few days. Is it possible to miss youz guyz before I am even offline? Sigh.

Hold down the fort. And if we need to run an OP send Flash Traffic over the secure line to S.O.B. I'll check and post to this thread first upon returning. BFN, Rob.

Tricia: A haiku no less - very impressive!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 12, 1999.

A PERFECT haiku!

The way it was meant to be

Five, seven, then five.

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 12, 1999.

I can't see from the laughing tears. You critters have been busy in the last month or so. LOL

"Muskrat Love" was done by The Captain and Tenille, by the way.

Gotta go back now to read and catch the first of the rubber ducky and furby thread....ROFL!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 12, 1999.

Moment @ pacbell

Wonderer, often missing...

Don't be a stranger

-- Uncle Deedah (, February 12, 1999.

Sniff... sniff.... I just read the religious thread debate. WOW! I'm touched. I guess if E. Coli and Franklin can reconcile, ANYONE can! Donna Barthuley found her way back, and Rob was readmitted to his house. At least a few happy things happened today!

Chris seems to be sincere. (Although I saw some questionable remarks about Southerners on another thread!) About the whiskey, duels are supposed to be fought with "loaded" weapons, but, after Chris has dinner out two nights in a row, I don't think my fruitcake will be the only thing that's loaded. Southerners do NOT fire upon inebriated Canadians. We DO have scruples! Duel canceled.

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 12, 1999.

Peace Proclamation! Hear Ye Hear Ye
What an amazing group the Yourdonites have become this week.
Is there any other Forum this fascinating and diverse anywhere on the globe?

Happy Valentine's Day to all. Love is heaven and heaven is love.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 13, 1999.

*hic* thankyou thankyou Gayla...I love you! Big wet smooch to you. Will you be my Valentine? *8-)

All I said on that other thread about southerners btw, was how sweet, charming, graceful and loving they are, and how the sorry excuse as a prez we have is trying to pass as one of them.

Even inebriated canucks can see through him *hic*

-- Chris (, February 13, 1999.

Thanks, Rob for kind words,

Limericks and haiku both fun,

Reading and writing.

My haiku is improving, but I've got a long way to go before I'm Unc's equal.

Gayla, I'm so glad you've called off the fight. Best to save those really good, hard fruitcake for emergency Y2K use :-)

Enjoy your nights out, Chris. If you're going out, isn't Victoria's Secrets kind of a waste, anyway? I like it for 'in' nights.

And does anyone know what happened to the pre-eminent limmericker, Sir Richard? I've been missing him.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 13, 1999.

V.S. is for when we get in after being out 8-)

Sir Richard was back here briefly under an alias last month, but I haven't seen him since. I miss is offbeat british humor too.

I read all I can

trying hard to keep the pace

girbil spinning wheel

-- Chris (, February 13, 1999.

Friends beyond the pale,
Fruitcake and furbies and haiku,...
I wander no more.

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 13, 1999.

Ack...I go away for a month and must be retrained to count syllables....Friends beyond the pale, Fruitcake and furbies and haiku,... I wander no more.

Take two...

Friends beyond the pale,
Fruitcake, furbies, and haiku,...
I wander no more.

INCOMING!! Candy heart hail storm....Duck Everyone!XOXOX

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 13, 1999.

I have disc-covered a new stockpile item .. don't forgit the KLEENEX!!!

Also handy for creating little candy heart case we need to duct out now and again. Don't leave the FRL without it, Rob.

Happy VD day everyone!

Diane, *sniff*

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 13, 1999.

Y2K sorrow

FRL support and love

my beats for you

-- Chris (, February 13, 1999.


Donna with her haiku was gooood, but Chris has outdone us all! I'm impressed and humbled. When Rob comes back, he'll knight you both, I bet.

Diane, hope you're feeling better ASAP!

Happy Valentines to all (my daughter is kibbitzing and tells me I need an apostrophe - you can add it if you like).

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 13, 1999.

Ms. Chris;

Thank you for the "beating heart". That is a classic one.

Happy Valentines day to one and all.

# 389


-- sweetolebob (, February 13, 1999.

Love the heart Chris!

For the FRL: srk3tttmadkxfu.htm

Happy mixed-up candy heart chips & V2D!


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 14, 1999.

Thanks for the lovely card, Diane. I hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 15, 1999.

How come I feel like saying "Guesenuheit" every time a haiku shows up? But if Donna's reading, guess I need to (-1 sp) too!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 15, 1999.

Ahchoo! I sputtered

Thanks, Robert, for your kindness,

I will get better.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 17, 1999.

A pulsating heart,

musical valentines card,

so glad to be back!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 17, 1999.

Gasuntight Tricia! And thanks for fishing the FRL back up from the void.

Rob, WELCOME and GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!!! Since you left, I've gotten myself in deep trouble again. With E. and everybody. I just can't keep my big mouth shut and stop that brain from spinning. My fingers seem to type faster than my brain can think too, they need an outlet like the FRL to keep them occupied.

Rob, seems those black helicopters aren't stealth rubber duckies after all! Scary thought! Hurry and catch up on that thread "Weapons excersises...", we here at the FRL need your misguidance.

Also, take a look at this e-mail a friend of mine forwarded me, I think we're in deeper fruitcake crumbs than we originally thought.

"After a year of hard work, I've completed all the Y2K work on our computer system. The months now read Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August. September, October, November and December. The days now print as Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

It was tough going through all those lines of code and getting all those Y's to K's. Now, can someone tell me what the fuss about 1999 to 2000 is?

Thank Kou,

Mike Blanksma Central Coast FCU"

-- Chris (, February 17, 1999.

Rob! Was just asking about you! Welcome back. Ashton has full sympathy with Mrs. Michaels ;^D The long-suffering spouses of FRLers can trade hardened fruitcake stories of various drag'em-off-the-dam computer attempts. But we FRL moths just keep coming to the neon to get dosed with TEOTWAWKI illumination that energizes our preps. Actually Ashton is a total flash-GI, creatively practical, and tirelessly hard-working and has prepped us very well :-) He built homes for 11 years and it's amazing what those carpentry skills can go towards :) :)

Yeah, hurray, Rob is back to brighten our day! Cheers

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, February 17, 1999.

Yeah! Rob's been released. Hummn. Maybe he didn't want to be.

Oh, vell.

Gotta shut down my 'puter for awhile and git me a caffee latte! It's a steath ducky favorite.


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 17, 1999.

#371 (IF i counted correctly)

Thanks for the well wishes, Chris, I couldn't resist after Robert's post.

Nice haiku, Rob, I knew you could meter if you tried :-) We did miss you. Hope you had a productive few days.

Enjoy your latte, Diane. I prefer cafe au lait, myself, n'est pas, Chris? ;-)

Anyone heard from SOBob lately? That's the problem with spot reading threads, I sometimes miss things...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 17, 1999.

See Spot thread.

See Spot thread. Thread, Spot, thread!

Spot has thread SOBob. SOBob has threaded Spot.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 17, 1999.

In an obliviously futile effort to ketchup, I spot-checked the threads, then came here, and am now seeing even more spots! Do you realize that 'spot' spelled backwards is tops - and that I now need to start again, but this time at the top spots?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 17, 1999.

Tricia and SOB, I don't keep track of number of posts myself, but the number of K's to download. This thread is now 250k in size.

Downloading is getting quite spotty...start/stop/start/stop. I see red spots when that happens. Fuming red spots.

I'm not gonna ask again...nope.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

-- Chris (, February 17, 1999.

Chris, my empathy for your frustration; loading this thread is my 'get yourself a coffee time (decaf, of course, enough problems with sleep!) However, I do occasionally read the odd posts as they come up on my screen and almost invariably get another good laugh while I wait. Maybe we can re-appeal in a few weeks, at around 500k?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 18, 1999.

Chris: Looks like your motion for another vote in a while has been seconded - to begin around the 500 mark. BTW, I couldn't find that 'weapons execrcises' thread!?!?!? Please try extra hard to stay out of trouble when you feel the urge to splurge.

Gang: On two recent threads that I started (Forum Poll and New Year's) Paul Milne posted a humorous answer - if it was really him that is - this leads me to wonder if he lurks on this thread and may decide to join us. Just a thought. Was also wondering the same for Ed.

p.s. No word from the Energizer bunny after all.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 18, 1999.

Rob, I'm not sure if this is the thread Leska mentioned, and I don't do the html thing, but FWIW:

takes you to a thread about the military and Y2K.

There was a thread about new technology aimed at stopping cars electronically (and lots of things besides cars); I think that one was under Diane Sawyer or NBC(?). Both threads were quite interesting.


'Bye Uncle Deedah

Your irritation makes sense

Who will teach me now? :-(


Hopefully, like Donna and Gayla, he'll be back after a hiatus!

Guess I'll get back to slogging through the muck looking for gems...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 19, 1999.

My daughter pointed an SOBob posting that I *obviously* missed (along with some 26 other posts!), so I counted from there and TADA- Rob Michaels wins the 400th posting (pending confirmation from SOBob, he *can* count).

I vote we move to Rob's other humour thread. See you there!

-- Tricia the Canuck who can't count ! (, February 19, 1999.

So moo-ooo-ooo-ved. Or not.

Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor) 000W78

Dot, dot ... dit, dit, ... tops spot...


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 19, 1999.

HEY! What is going on here? We aren't supposed to be having a vote yet - but I guess we are now after all. OK, let's make if official.

Hear Ye, Hear ye, The FRL is herewith called into Emerging session.

Due to this thread already having over 400 answers, a graphic groundhog, a pulsating heart, and taking up over 500k, and in general being just a wee bit slow to load (by now,and based on his posts today on the new thread, Robert must be adding that second ingredient into his coffee), a motion is now being entertwined by the floored to move to the new humor thread. A yes vote to move will also mean that the voting member had read and ratified the following amendment.

Proposed Amendment to the Fruitstitution:

In order to move to the new thread, or to an old thread, or to a non-existent thread, all FRL members hereby agree, being of fruity and nutty mind with full misunderstanding of any and all potential inconsequentialities. that all future official FRL business still remain on this the first and only and original thread provided by the Fruitstitution of the FRL. Official business of the FRL is constituted duly by any discussions regarding the Know Your Fruitcake proposal and subsequent actions and operations deemed necessary by FRL members to protect and uphold the FRL Fruitstitution.

Voting on this thread may commence immediately, or sooner if you want, and shall be over on This Sunday at noon o'clock, to give everyone an equally unfair chance to get their two pesos in. As starter of the thread, and according to rule number 6349, section 2, subsection 14-2, article 1, I do not vote unless as a sock - uh - I mean tie breaker.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

I heard ya, I heard ya - but I don't have a sound card. (Does this mean I didn't herd ya?)

So we will divide these thoughts (?) according to Miss Diane's dots (torn on the dotted line eh?) and hearten off the beating path to shorter spaces (are they between the dots or the dashes?) as we trod this, the hallowed groundhog less followed .....

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

Uh, Robert - was that a yes or a no? Hint: Please try to vote again before adding ingredients to the coffee!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

Sounds to me like he's following the groundhog. I didn't know it was moving, I thought it was dead. I guess I'll follow the beaver, that should balance the vote.

I thought it was a good idea to go to that other thread, but now that my computer's been hit by a flying fruitcake grenade I'll have to think about it. That thread's dangerous!!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 20, 1999.

You're right. Things have gotten completely our of hand. How can we contain the damage and stop the war - nobody is even voting (except with their feet). Any ideas?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

La guerre, c'est la vache.

-- (peu@de.francais), February 20, 1999.

I think it goes up in defeet to both posts - except for that sole that turned right instead of left and ended up in an island near Denmark - but we won't go there: to the land of mad kings and Scotsmen - or are we already in the land of mad kings and scotch tape (er - duck tape?)

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 20, 1999.

Oooh, boy, I hoped if I went away for a little while, things would cool off. Things are still pretty dangerous on the gnome thread.

BTW, I always thought it was gremlins??

And I have a theory about the shoes turning up on coasts: the same gremlins/gnomes that change socks into hangers and move them from the dryer to the front hall closet, change mitts into shoes and throw them into the ocean (or over wires).

Robert, how goes the research into alphabet soup? Is that what you feed people who get alphabet flu? And does alphabet stew have more alphabets or just more calories than alphabet stew? When you throw in extra xxx'xs does it multiply, or only if yyy's are added too?

My head is spinning

All my thoughts and ideas

Carousel riding


PS, anyone think that dieter is UD besides me?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 20, 1999.

I know nothing. I vote nothing. Didn't know I could vote anything.

So. Are we agreed, not to agree?

Make that "a greed." (Preferable to "c greed).

Time for Art 'n Gary.

Diane *Sighless*

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 20, 1999.

Diane, for all you do, this link's for you. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 21, 1999.

Thank you Gayla. I will have to try it sometime, you and Chris have done some very perspiring work. I admire you both.

FRL: As Diane posted, it seems that we have voted nothing, perhaps due to the unexpected war over the last few days. The emergency session which was called to bring us to out of order was also suspended because of the war.

But we have made great progress, in that we are now where we were four days ago, and have agreed to not agree, or have agreed to disagree about agreeing, or have disagreed about not agreeing to agree.

Gotta run now, my really bright red socks, which I de-ducted and wore for Valentine's Day, are in the dryer, and so I need to be wigilant. See youz guys tonite, BFN, Rob.

p.s. Gayla: Is the war over?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 21, 1999.

Rob, not yet. I found some really cool cast iron fruitcakes. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 21, 1999.

Which ones are going further: the fiat cast iron cannonballs (fruitcakes), or the fiat fruitcakes (cannonballs)?

Did SOBob aim that there thing? Which time? Are they wrapped in their thermally-shielded re-entry duck tape?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 21, 1999.

Just had a fleeting sighting of Rob, Our Charmin, on nutter thread. Warming up, geese gittin frisky. Storms of protest over original propulsed legistlation forcing mutation, the monster morphing. Now that stalkfiling has offvisual ap.proval, modeevasion to freakpair is eschewcollating. Spring!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, February 24, 1999.

Leska: If da Geeser den letem fry!

I feel like I am comb again, sigh - there's noface whycomb, noface whycomb, noface whycomb.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 24, 1999.

When Y2K blues

Are bearing down on us all

I call this place home


Geshundheit, Robert!


Y2K is getting heavy

For all of us who think we're savvy

We prepare

And plan to share

But it is hard when tax is levied!

-- Tricia the Canuck (off to shelter some income) (, February 25, 1999.

I only discovered this forum last week, and only ventured on this thread for the first time today.

You people scare me, and I don't scare easily. :)

It's difficult to imagine a post-2000 re-building with you people as the foundation. As I'm sure you well know, when fruitcakes are outlawed, only outlaws will have fruitcakes. I can only imagine a society based on the premise that openly carried fruitcakes will actually contribute to the peace and order of that society, instead of the reverse.

One thing concerns me: if fruitcake manufacturers are sued for the uses of their product once they leave the factory(?), will they eventually go out of business because of litigation? Will components, er, I mean, ingredients, then become scarce?

Got powder, er, I mean, flour?

-- Cowardly Lion (, February 25, 1999.

Welcome Cowardly Lion, Oh Patient One, Reader of the Thread, and Fearer of the FRL!

Be not Afraid. Remember why the muskrat guards his musk. :)

Regarding the manufruitturers, do not worry about this now. We must devote all of our intention to fighting the evil "Know Your Fruitcake" plot.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 25, 1999.

Thanx for the welcome, Rob, you bedazzle me with titles!

We *must* watch out for the flouridation, er, I mean, adulteration of the components, er, I mean, ingredients. Those of us who (proudly, I must admit) manufacture our fruitcakes at home must stand united in vigilance against the evils of flouridation, sorry, adulteration of those things which make us fully human (I think I lost my thread of thought there, but you get the picture).

Grokking, sorry, knowing your fruitcake is just the razzle dazzle they use to distract us from what's *really* going on!!!

-- Cowardly Lion (, February 25, 1999.

Hooah! (Learned that from the Night Stalkers).

Gayla ... Thanks!!!

Armed and dangerous!!

(Hope this works)

Welcome LION! Stick with us and you'll get "unglued" real fast.


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 26, 1999.

Bravo Diane, Oh Great Seeress of the Other Thread

. . . For you Lion, this Haiku: .

Cowardly Lion,

Tin man, Scarecrow, Dorothy,

The Fruitcakes of OZ.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 26, 1999.

Saw a full wing of the stealth geese had stopped at the Ravenna Arsenal to rest and re-arm. think they were headed back north but couldn't tell as they were grounded-er-watered.


-- Chuck, night driver (, February 26, 1999.

Roger Chuck. Good recon.

Field Marshalls Tricia, Leska, and Ashton: They are indeed headed North and will vector off the coast on the deck. Feet Dry ETA at OH ten thirty Local.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 26, 1999.

Thanx, Diane.

Rob, I'm impressed. Really. No, really, I mean it.

Got winged monkeys?

(I love you guys, my wife doesn't understand this kind of humor) (Humor? Who's laughing?) (Shut up, I'll get back to you later)

-- Cowardly Lion (, February 26, 1999.

Whoo Heee Hoooooo! Warm winds a'blowin, rain pitter-patter, geese wheeling and heading north. Glorious florious Spring round the bend.

Urgent message to geese: DO NOT go near Cascadia coast. NO.
Horrible oil spill, worse every day, over a month now. Wildlife obliteration, slime death. Cost so far: $17 Million, no end in site. Scores of alphabet agencies + military 24/7 = still no working solution. Dire foreboding of Y2K catastrophies. Geese, ducks, beavers, all waterfowl -- the water is fouled on the West Coast. Stay away, and Godspeed in your fruitian migration.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, February 26, 1999.

Rob, commander-in-geese, please inform stealth formation that higher lattitudes remain in winter's grip. Snow is trying to melt, but remains a couple of feet thick on the ground, and lakes, ponds and rivers are still solid rather than liquid. For health's sake, unless Lead Goose can firmly drag spring with her, it is best to wait a few more weeks :-)

Cowardly Lion, welcome to the Asylum. That particular thread has disappeared, but we looney tune fruitcakes meet here, often.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 26, 1999.

You know, I've never seen any stealth geese, but my dog sometimes barks at an empty sky. I wonder . . .

Would thermal imaging device detect these geese?

If so, my heat-seeking missiles -no, never mind, forget I said that.

I would like to state categorically that I do not recall having any missiles, heat-seeking or otherwise, and I *never* directed anyone to lie about them.

-- Cowardly Lion (, February 26, 1999.

LOL, CL. Does your wife appreciate *your* sense of humour?

My husband sometimes rolls his eyes at mine, but doesn't often enjoy me reading aloud funny threads. Fortunately, I haf friends.....

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 26, 1999.



Gotta keep our mascots in a line dance here.


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 26, 1999.

Field Marshalls Leska and Tricia:

You communiquis were transmitted over the secure line to Theatre Commander Greybeard, uh, I mean Greybare, uh, I mean GREYBEAR! I am glad to infirm you that the messages were received in time to avoid any calamitous consequences. All Geese are present and account for, and have returned safely to base.

Attention FRLians:

By the powers divested of me, or in me, or on me, or at least somewhere near my immediate vicinity, it is my supreme duty, and great privilege, to hereby award Leska and Tricia one of the FRL's highest honors: The Order of the Fruit. I believe that I speak truly when I say that for what you have both done, there is no hysterical precedent! Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

-- Rob Michaels (, February 26, 1999.

Diane, either your stealth duckie has lost its stealth, or the line likes to show off one end!

(cute, duckie)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 26, 1999.

Yeah - winter's been terrible down here lately - and after shirt sleeve weather most of February. We had our first snow this winter - an inch of snow Wednesday night - and they didn't even cancel school the next morning! The cads, even if it had melted by noon.

Jean says its a shame, a real abuse of authority by the inhumane school officials ---- she claims that "... if there is enough snow to to make a snowball, it must have snowed, so they should have a snowday. And if it's cold enough to freeze the basketball net, then obviously its too dangerous to drive so they should cancel school immediately...." the whining and complaining was terrible to behold.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 26, 1999.

Rob, great apologies for seeming to ignore your post, we must have done the 'at the same time' thing. Thanks for the honour of the fruit, the cherries look so sweet on my hat; I hope the stealth geese prefer fish!

Robert, LOL! It's one of the few pleasures of living in this climate - we get to giggle at those who think that snow and ice bring life as we know it to a stop. My mother relates a story about it being particularly cold one morning in Ghana - all the way down to the high seventies(F). One thoughtful Ghanaian said this would prepare her for her return to Canada in a few weeks (this was in Nov). She somehow managed not to laugh in his face - I'm very impressed :-)

Comfort your daughter with the thought that even though we have a couple of feet of snow (at least!) every year, my daughter's school has not closed due to weather since it opened several years ago.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 27, 1999.

Attention FRL - New Mission

We have been requested to help provide for aerial coverage of the new traveling Circus. This is in addition to the current OPERATION FLYLEAF being run for the next two weeks by Commander Greybear where we have the goose droppings. (GeeseLeaflets)

With the Stealth Geese busy, how best can we help the Circus out - remember that the Stealth Duckies are being held in preserve against the chance of eminent attack. Perhaps we can deplot one wing?

All suggestions will be entertained.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 27, 1999.

Well, Rob, I think we should 'replot' instead.

With the elephunts, Greybear, Lobo and Big Dog, I think the circus should be able to hold its own, without any stealth fliers from the FRL. However, GB is so involved with the circus, I think he's lost track of the geese, entirely.

Back to my cats, birds, etc...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 28, 1999.

Tricia: You are right about not needing the fliers - turns out, or in, or up, that I made friends with some Seals that can juggle and toss fruitcake pretty high into the air so that should cover the circus.

Commander Greybear must still be uncercover running the OP. It is scheduled to run until 3/8 so we just have to be patient and give him the benefit of our doubts.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 28, 1999.

Rob, I'sd be glead to gibe him the benidit of the doubt, I just have never been able ro see any benerfit to doubting...

Muast be getting lsate, typoign flu returnss - good tnigth

-- Tricai the Cancuk (, March 01, 1999.

To Rob:

Fruitcake on your mind

Sheltered from the coming crash

Sir, I salute you!

To Tricia:

I don't get to read funny threads to my wife because I do this before work and at lunch. I don't have a hookup @ home (too cheap, I guess). She doesn't understand the humor, but at least she's a GI.

This weekend we're having the first meeting of the Jackson County IN y2k preparedness group. We're going to share info and seriously / publicly query the banks, utilities, emergency services, etc, about where they stand w/their fixes. I'm actually starting to see news stories treating this seriously. I'm at about 80% prepared, but I know there are still a lot of people locally who are just starting to GI

Wish us luck!

-- Cowardly Lion (, March 01, 1999.

Good morning Lion,

May good luck follow you,

community prep.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 01, 1999.

Dang nab it! Looks like I forgot a sillybus in that middle line and will have to try again. Oh the shame.

Knowledge shining light,

down on us all its rays fall,

hope springs to us now.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 01, 1999.

esoterica op cit, et tu, quid pro quo habeas corpus

(inebriated lawyer haiku)

I can get in there and slug with the best of them.

-- Cowardly Lion (, March 01, 1999.

Good luck, now, CL

may all your preparations

be completely enough!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 01, 1999.

(With apologies to Chris, but somehow the other threads just aren't the same... Who said "thank-you, Lord"???)


Fruitcake season closed

Spring will soon be opening

Caught in the middle


(Gesunheit, Robert)


Cat curls warmly on my lap,

Taking a late winter's nap,

Wakens abruptly,

Jumps up not subtly,

Maybe she dreams a door rap?


Pierra, my parrot and pet,

(Who sleeps now, with no fear of threat)

Was thought to be male,

That theory did fail,

When she laid an egg (no young yet)


You see, she hasn't a mate,

She seems to believe that her state,

Is really quite human,

(Or is it woman?)

So for young, it will be a vain wait.


Now you know my qualifications for the circus :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 03, 1999.

The problem is this

This thread is too long to load

Others all have gone.


Where is any room

In a circus, for poets

Or even blank verse?


Lonely figure waits

And hums a Y2K tune

Hoping friends return

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 04, 1999.

Tricia: I'm back here to stay - thought I posted last night about the "two lip" plant on this thread but realized it went to the other. Anyway, I have begun making lips out of duct tape for this here plant that is lipless. I will make two just the way I imagine a "two lip" planty should look and let youz guyz know how Mrs. Michaels reacts to her present. I looked up "two lip" plant in the plant book but couldn't find anything.

One person told me that it should have pedals too, but it doesn't. Nope. I know a pedal when I see one having driven cars and trucks for years, and I'm tellin' ya this here plant got no pedals at all. SO, while I got my duct tape out, think i will make a couple of pedals to go along with the two lips. Do you think Mrs. Michaels will notice that I made these slight modifications to her present?

(offline most of the day - got another project - will pop in here and there, or there and here, or somehwere sometime, or ...)

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.

Did you screw the two lips bulb in right side up or upside wrong when it was embedded in the compliant potting chips?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 04, 1999.

Did you screw the two lips bulb in right side up or upside wrong when it was embedded in the compliant potting chips?

Watt size two lips was it? AC or DC?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 04, 1999.

Well, Robert, all I can say is that I had no problem with the duct-lips, but the Pedals were a real challenge - ended up covering the entire plant almost. Mrs. Michaels came in just as I was finishing up. She took one look at the duct-plant and started ROTFL! How's that for gratitude?

She knew I was giving her a present and thought I ran out of wrapping paper and was using the duct tape instead! Then she de-ducted it until it looked like when I got it. (I told her they were a real special present - a rare variety of two-lips without any lips (or pedals). Then she started ROTFL again. Geez. Anyway, she likes them and it looks like I won't have to spend a night or two posting from the car again. :)

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.

LOL! Gee, I'm glad Mrs. Rob has a sense of humour, then again I don't suppose your marriage would have gotten off the ground without one.

I finally figured out the problem with the plant, Rob! It isn't full grown yet. Keep a watch on it, and you'll see that the lips and pedals will develop with age. It might even get some green stuff, too.

Oh, and you forgot to answer Robert - which way did you screw the bulb in?


So much fun to play.

I thought my friends had gone away :-(

They're back, now. Please stay!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 04, 1999.

Robert: I didn't see hide nor hair of any lipbulbs. Maybe Tricia is right - when the plants grow they will become more evident. Then I can take action: If they are on the left side of the plant I will screw them in right side up, and verse viiisa for the left, unless there is only a right one to begin with and there is none left. As far as watt size, it depends on how much nutriments they get. It is my misunderstanding that all plants like liquified fruicake and music. BTW, what do AC and DC sit for?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.

Each I apply electricity to most of my bulbs, they get lighter, and so must weight less; however, I have been unable to find out if AC or DC electrons are smaller - nor which end the 'tron sits on.

Does this indicate that (over time) the bulb will even-tulip-ly float up and out of the socket, so that an empty bulb will be found on the ceiling - ready to be screwed up again?

It is however, in my humble opinion as a nuclear engineer, that electrons have neglible impact on anything and so can ignored in discussing the physical world. On average, each atom has 1 proton and 1 neutron per supposed electron (which just handed around willy-nilly anyway in a nebulus-sounding vague electron cloud) and so cannot justifiably be "assigned" to any single atom anyway.

Thus, on average, each atom has only 1/3600 of its weight in the electron; so compared to the weight of the atom, the electron is obviously trivial. If it isn't inside the nucleus, I just don't think it's important.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 04, 1999.

Robert, I completely agree! And what do you say about quarks?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 04, 1999.

Robert: The heaviest element known to science is adminstratium. It has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. It does however have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 11 assistant vice neutrons. This means it has an atomic mass of 212. These 212 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called Morons. Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert, but can be detected chemically since it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to unscientific studies, a very small amount of administratium resulted in a reaction taking over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second. This is not trivial! Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere and tends to concentrate at certain points like government agencies and large corporations.

Mrs. Rob is happy with me,

Rare lipless twolip did she receive,

Duct tape wrap,

Created some flap,

But now she's so happy she could _ _ _!

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.

Rob, you are toooo funny! I may have to go to hospital, I think I bust my gut!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 04, 1999.

Now it is time,

To make a rhyme,

On this silly thread,

Before going to bed,

Limericks sure are fine.


So much news this week,

Time for a break, sleep, awake,

Beautiful sunrise.


Over the Ocean,

Glistening waves pounding surf,

The gulls wheel and fish.


Sweet dreams for Tricia,

and all FRL members,

before typing flu.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.


Attention my fellow FRLians:

It grieves me great pleasure to tell you that all of our efforts to stop the evil Know Your Fruitcake plot have born fruit! The proposal has been killed. We stand victorious and proud, our fruitcake freedoms guarded from the evil en, ene, enem, emeny!

This thread was started for the accomplishment of this very porpoise. We stand at the peeknockle of success. Congratulations to us all. Our hard work has paid off, or paid on, or has been paid in full. Now, some of you may feel that as the war has been won, that we can disband the FRL. Let me rewind you that there may be other attempts in the future to attack our Fruitcake Freedoms. If history is any fudge, then these evil plotters may decide to change a few words here and there and give the proposal another nice-sounding name, and then try again to take away what we have fought so hard to vin. There is hysterical precedent for this!

So, I motion that the FRL keeps active. The FRL should not be disbanded. We must continue our wigilance. We must never be caught sleeping, or napping, or dozing, or even yawning a lot. Our Fruitcake Freedoms are too impertinent to take for granted. Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms!

Will someone second this emotion to keep the FRL going?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 05, 1999.

Rob !!! I have been increasingly cognizant of a Y2K disconnect short-circuit between the Chairman of the Bored and myself, a faithful FRLian. What to do? Time will tell. Concurrent misses. Come join the celebration clinks:

Ding Dong The Bank Spy Dies, Long Live the FRL!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (, March 05, 1999.


I think that your winter must be close to being over by now. All of the geese, at least the ones that had Canuckian license plates anyway, have left the local waters here in "hometown USA". I got the chance to see some of them leave. I heard all of them leave.

Now, to serious business:

I, S.O.B., knower of not that very much after all, have misfigured the books. I guess I got this count crossed up with my piggy bank numbers. Anyway, the count was wrong (until now). I must have miscounted from my #305 number.

The official (counted twice) number is now #440 if this is posted just under Ms. Leska's post about the great victory of the FRL over the banks.

So, I screwed up the count. Maybe I should get a computer to keep the really really accurate count for us.

Oh, and #400 was by our fearless leader, Rob Michaels himself. NO, I am NOT cooking the books and hoping for a suspended sentence. It is true. Honest. Trust me, it is true. I promise.



-- sweetolebob (, March 05, 1999.

S.O.B - Official Keeper of the Count, Sacrificer of Fingers, Toes and Lips, Knower of All You Know, and Highly Respected FRLian:

Thank you for the update of the official thread count. It amazes me still.

Does anyone second the motion to keep the FRL going?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 05, 1999.

Can't vote - I'm waiting for that suspended sentence to stop he forget the period i guess and so I'll never be able to use another one until we find it and I'm not sure how to end this parapragh if i only have one graph to start with so --------

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 05, 1999.

Robert A. Cook, P.E.;


There, now the above referenced sentence is completed. I just don't know how I could have missed that entire period of my life. I must be getting old(er).


I second your motion to continue the FRL.

The thought of a day without fruitcake, compliant and wrapped in true duct tape, is just too much to bear.

There. And, since you and I are both blessed with the same first name, I guess we have fully complied with "Robert's Rules of Parlimentary Procedures". Which, of course makes it official and up to snuff etc.



-- sweetolebob (, March 06, 1999.

SOBob, so good to hear from you again. Actually, we had a very nice couple of weeks in Feb, but this am it was -21(~-6, for non-moderns).

However, the geese come northward considerably slower than most people, so it will hopefully be warm enough for them by the time they arrive.

I, too, raise my coffee (decaf) in celebration of the defeatof the enemany. Long live the FRL!!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 06, 1999.

RRPP #443 as declared by SOB, and hereby succumbed by me, shall make this unoficially decided to be sided upon the motion of the Chairman of the Bored, that the FRL shall remain activively inactive in their FRLians activities, or inactively active as shall be decided by the Most Bored FRL members, upon inactivation of this proposition by the Chairman of the Bored by his signature here afixed.


-- Chris (, March 06, 1999.

The emotion is passed. The FRL shall continue to fight for truth, justice and the Fruitcakian Way. Therefore, I herewith affix my signature to the walidated and ratifried proposition on this day, 6 March 1999, with full misunderstanding of my inactions and being in position of sound mind and facilities - (or as much as can be ever expected on my part).

X Rob Michaels, Starter of the Thread ____________________________

-- Rob Michaels (, March 06, 1999.

So, we defeat the enemany's subtle plan: To close down the FRL by pretending to lose and intending to return another day.

Does anyone know what beavers do in the winter?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 06, 1999.

Ah, sweet victory,

Know your Customer is dead,

We have won the war.


We pretend to stop,

But continue underground,

Active FRL.


We will fake them out,

Long live all Fruitcake Freedoms,

Vigilant watchers.


Tricia: Good beaver question - Ours mostly stay in their dam, But do come out on recon to see if I have bought Dear Mrs. Michaels another sapling for them to eat.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 06, 1999.


The FRL should not be disbanded.

Does that mean we should strike up the band? Oops. Another thread.

Anyway, glad I reloaded or unloaded or overloaded this thread again. The FRL is semi-alive and squaking. Or is that geesing? Or honking?

Yes, coming back here does perperate aura of Robert, posting. Or potting? Or ...

SLAP ... stop that!!! Stuff a fruitcake in it!

Muffle, mumble, crunch, crackle ... Ummm. Yikes! Broke a tooth. Gotta remember to respect, not gum up, the weaponry.

S.O.B. do you cook books in addition to fruitcake?

Diane, Yawn Yawn

(Is that seconding the emotion, Rob? Yeah, I know it passed. But Im passed that and on the return flight.)

-- Diane J. Squire (, March 06, 1999.

I thought beavers made more beavers over the winter by making out with beavers over the winter....Now about this Robert's rules of misorders ...but are they compliant beaverages if they drink too much?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 06, 1999.

Beavers in winter,

Powdery snow falls lightly,

They don't give a dam.

Well now, it seems that the emotion has been firsted, seconded, thirdeded, and even fourtheded. Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms!

-- Rob Michaels (, March 07, 1999.

Beavers play and sleep the winter through,

Having fun (and babies, too),

And in the spring,

When birds will sing

They'll work, like me or you.


They pack their dams all day,

While the sunshines, they make hay,

And in the fall

They've got it all

They're HOARDERS, is what I say!


Fruitcakes and freedom

together again, always

we fight to ensure.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 07, 1999.

Time to move on now,

Contributions have been made,

A new beginning.

-- (, March 07, 1999.

Enough with this lame thread!!!

-- this is really stupid (hadenough@this.time), March 08, 1999.

Was that about gold lame theads, or polyester? How many ester's are needed to change between a polyester and a multiester? Is nylon a uniester - since there is only one thread?

Why have you "had enough" - we have not begun to fight! Well Gayla and Donna began to fight - but they stopped? Does that mean "We have not yet begun to re-fight!"?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 08, 1999.

Imagine someone going through ~450 postings in a clearly marked humour thread to write that they think it's silly!! Where is their brain??

You post good questions, Robert, but Gayla and Donna have never fought that I know of; it's Chris that gets Gayla's goat every now and then.

Say, that's a skill I need to learn for Y2K, how to get someone's goat; just think - an easy source of milk!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 08, 1999.


Nobody's reading ~450 postings! This stupid thread just keeps showing up in the Recent Answers list. Very annoying.

Many posters to this thread are the same ones crying about wasted bandwidth.

-- OK (, March 08, 1999.

Thank-you, we will. As if we needed YOUR permission!

-- You don't have to click on this thread (UseYourBr@in.moron), March 08, 1999.

Maybe "more-on's" cake is fruitless?

Hath thou NO humour in thy bones?

Nope. Didn't think so.


Check out your re-assignment on the latest Circus Thread ...

The MCYY2K Circus Continued !!! 000a0F

-- Diane J. Squire (, March 08, 1999.

Imagine that! I got his goat :-)

Now we have fruitcake, geese, stealth rubber duckies, groundhogs, beavers and goats all on the same thread. Suppose someone's bound to start chicken road crossings soon...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 09, 1999.

The FRL beings anew,

Here friends gather, old and new,

Sometimes laughs, sometimes cries,

Sifting truth between the lies,

Victory is ours, a salute to you.

Tricia now her goat has found,

The FRL stays underground,

Until such time as need may be,

Our fruitcake freedoms to guarantee,

To our oath we all are bound.


On the thread I see,

Chickens crossing in the road,

to the other side.

FRLians: I ask for you guidance. Dear Mrs. Michael's sister is having a birthday and I need to get a gift. Usually, Mrs. Rob would buy it, but chance and circumstance require that I do it this year. I don't have any ideas and it is coming up next week. (I don't think she likes duct tape either.) Any suggestions?

-- Rob doesn't know what to get Michaels (, March 10, 1999.

They have some really lovely (decorative) oil lamps at Canadian Tire - you might be able to find some in a Sam's or Walmart near you. My sister gave me an oil lamp many years ago for my birthday, adding romance to my life :-)

Does she like music? CD's and books are two things I can always use, or gift certificates for same.

You could always ask her for a list of acceptable gifts, too.

And there's always Beanie Babies... ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 11, 1999.

Tricia - Field Marshall of Operation Flyleaf, Loyal and Devoted FRLian, and Dear Friend

I like the lamp idea since it is practical and she probably doesn't have one. Romantic possibilities too :) Thanks.


I haven't been on the forum of late,

Taking time now, slow down and wait,

Life keeps happening plus Y2K,

We can talk to each other to help make things OK,

Since we get it, this is our fate.


So smile sometimes, though it's easier to frown,

Know that your cyber pals are still around,

To lend support and a limerick too

This one was written just for you,

In all of this together we're bound.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 12, 1999.

You're welcome, Rob. Hope you find just the right one ;-).

Thanks for the limerick. If you've read the Hallyx thread, you'll know I needed that.

I'm tempted to take a break from the forum for a few days myself. I miss my cyber friends when I do that, though.


I'll generate a smile for you,

In limerick or maybe haiku,

Takes no time,

It's fun to rhyme,

and not so hard to do ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 13, 1999.

I'm still here, too, just not reading or posting as much. It seems like things are kicking up into high gear. This past Wednesday morning, I spoke to a new group of ladies about Y2K. It is a very encouraging feeling when you hear someone say, "Now I understand! We should prepare just in case!" The hostess called me Thursday night to tell me that she had been getting calls all day from the ladies. They can't wait to have another meeting and are bringing friends. The more people who are prepared, the better we will "weather this storm."

Last Friday night at Sam's, I was in line ready to check out, and behind me a male voice said, "So, what are you going to do with all of that rice?" GULP! :-) I turned around to find a nice looking couple (young 30's) staring at me. I told them I was stocking up on extra rice for people who didn't know they should for next year. Both of their faces lit up and the man said, "Y2K?" We had a very interesting conversation. I think more people are preparing than most realize.

Anyway, this thread is one I like to visit, and I just wanted to say HI! There is nothing that I could read now that would stop me from preparing. I think Y2K is only ONE of the problems we will be facing next year. The things I DO enjoy on this forum are the humor and friendship. I can't wait to see where the circus is going next. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 13, 1999.

Gayla & FRL crew,

Slowing down too. Also coming down with flu, again. Tried to force myself not the turn on the 'puter this morning, and didn't make it.

*Big Sigh* and a sniffle.


-- Diane J. Squire (, March 13, 1999.

Tricia: Yeah, I saw that thread and thought I would write a little limerick or two for ya. Hope it helped and keep that chin up.

Gayla: Hi to you too! Yes, it seems that more are preparing quietly - still, it amazes me that I can still buy stuff at Costco and other places around here - I mean anything I want - from gensets to canned goods - plentiful supply unlike other sections of the country from what I've seen posted.

Diane: Take care of yourself please, if you are gone for more than 12 hours the forum would probably begin flippin' out! You certainly deserve a rest so take one when you need to - uh, well, you may want to start a thread called something like "I will be offline for awhile" so that people don't worry about you. Feel better soon, Oh Gifted Seeress and Great Investigator.

For humor we come to this thread,

We check it before we go to bed,

Silly rhymes,

All the time,

Make us laugh, smiley head.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 13, 1999.

Nice to hear from you, Gayla. Sounds like you're really helping your community :-)

Diane, sorry to hear about the flu. I hope this one is gone fast! Echinacea, C and zinc might help - they work for me.


Rob, this is for you,

Starter of Humorous Thread,

Have a great weekend!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 13, 1999.

I've trudged and toiled 'til I thought I'd die.. *panting*...and waited HOURS for this thread to download *panting*...but I MADE IT HERE!

O Most Apreciated FRLians, Members of The Order of the Disordered, Most Enlightened and Disheartened, Bearers of all that is Unbearable, Knowers of all that is Worth Knowing, I have missed you and I bring you great news! *sticks her tongue out at lurking trolls who just WISH they could be FRLians*

Click here!

*collapses over a pile of petrified fruitcake*

-- Chris (, March 13, 1999.

um...I mean HERE!

-- Chris (, March 13, 1999.

Thanks for the card, Chris. (I peeked at it from the other thread, but I'm glad you addressed it to us, too). We tried to move in with the circus, but at the rate that those threads were building, they'd be as long as this is in no time! So I guess it's back to fetching coffee while the thread loads.

My mom wants to know if I'm going to say something clever, but clever is on holiday right now. Bye :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 14, 1999.

Chris: Thanks for the link - Spring has almost sprung - well, maybe it will feel more like Spring when this here snow stops falling - supposed to get a foot or so.

The kids can't wait to build a snowman but I want to build a snowbeaver, as tomorrow is what we FRLians agreed should be groundhog, uh, I mean Beaver Day. Wonder what the neighbors and Dear Mrs. Rob will say when they see a 6 foot snow beaver on the front lawn?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 14, 1999.

Falling silently,

White flakes dropping from Heaven,

Winter wonderland.


Robert: I got the really bright red sock in yesterday's mail and it was the right one that I left behind (at the Circus). :)

-- Rob Michaels (, March 14, 1999.

But I Fedex'ed the email attachment via USPS to UPS the other one - you know- the you said was "left behind" at the circus! So which one of the pair of three did you get? The right one or left one or the other one? And how could you have gotten it? Does a pair of three socks beat three of a kind? Which kind does it beet? Are they both beat red or red beets? Something smells here.......another conspiracy? Or a deadbeet?

Speaking of long threads and darning the bad luck of holier-than-thou socks, our net server got its fiber optic cable cut couple of days ago - so we are back on copper. The messages are loading so slow you can read them by braille as the 1's and 0's go by.

So I won't be my usual loquacious and misspelling self for a while till it is repaired. Will try to upload some stuff into the "nuke training" thread as time permits. Hold the fort and keep your favorite beaver warm and filled with happiness.

Hmmmmmm. Was that suitable for younger audiences?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 14, 1999.

Happy Beaver Day; the official start to Beaver Week. This is a time to celebrate preparedness and hard work, especially as done by those FRLians who contribute time and effort to helping those of on this forum who would otherwise not even have a clue where to start. When I began, I believe Donna, Unc and Gayla were major contributors. I lift a mug of decaf coffee in your honour (my favorite - and well stocked - beverage). ;-)


The beaver works hard

to fix it's dam and store food.

Such a clever beast!

-- Tricia the Cancuk (, March 15, 1999.

Happy Beaver Week, FRLians.

The groundhogs have their day, But Beavers were dismayed, They chewed and gnawed, Used dexterous paws, No honor came their way.

So for the Beavers we made this week, A happy time, for them we speak, Now they are proud, And sing out loud, Beavers rise to a new peak.

Beaver elevation, Time for celebration, Joyous holiday, Beavers have their say, Groundhogs take that, in consternation!

-- Rob Michaels (, March 16, 1999.

The sUN was sHINing

A HAPpy smilinG DieTEr

MISSEd the beaVers LUrkinG

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

SilEnt, slinKINg beAsts

THEir foul hEarts FULL of eVil

TrAckiNg pOor dieTer

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

CloSer, cLOSEr Yet

LeAVing no ROom for eESCapE

THEN caMe the aTTack!

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

ToRTURed sCreaMs of heLL

SpUrting ARcS of bLOOdy goRE

THEN DIEter wAs doWn

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

DietER roLLs awAy

OuT coMes THe mAgNUm baRkinG

TakE that, eViL bEAsts!

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

TWO hiTs theN a miSS

YeLLOw teEth AT diETers thRoat

BOOm! GoOd-byE rodEnt!

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

DieTer sTAGgers ofF

HoW cOuld he BE so FOolisH?

StaY On thE traIL, LadS.

-- Dieter (, March 16, 1999.

Be careful, Dieter, you'll give yourself away!!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 16, 1999.

But it's not rabbit season yet, it's beaver rabbit season and afterver deer season.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 16, 1999.

Robert, what kind of seasoning is beaver rabbit season and aftver deer season? Is it better than garlic? Can you use it on more things than rabbits, beaver and deer?

BTW, to all who've kissed the Blarney stone - Happy St. Patrick's Day. (If I could do that colour thing, this'd be in green!)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 17, 1999.

I'll do it for you! :-)

Happy St. Patricks Day! Uncle, the green beer is for you! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 17, 1999.

Oooooo, what's this I see. Two yummy glasses of beer. Green ones. Gayla brought them.

(Now, now, remember what happened on the second Circus thread - a couple of glasses and we were posting while intoxicated. Resist this temptation. Besides, they are for Uncle, not you dummy. Do nOt bE fOOLIsH)

But they look so good and I am thirsty after all of this fruitcake.

(We know they look good but you must be strong. Have some water if you are thirsty.)

Look at the foam at the top. Ooooooo. I want it, just a little taste, please?

(No. A taste will turn into a gulp and then the whole glass will be gone. In fact, we will probably drink both glasses and leave nothing for Uncle.)

Yes. Both glasses sounds even better. You are right. I will drink it all. I am thirsty and I want them.

(Stop! You can't. If we do we will not be able to type on this thread anymore.)

Aw c'mon, it only lasts for the rest of the night, and I can post to other threads without any problem.

(Absolutely Not. We can't have a repeat of that Circus performance. Now close this thread and read something nice about solar flares or nukes and have some water)

No. I am going to drink. What a party pooper you are. Sheesh. How about just a little sip of foam?

(We know the answer to that now don't we.)

Well how about a toast to Uncle, who we miss - he likes beer too.

(Uh, we shouldn't mention the word toast too loudly around here. Besides, Unc won't be back for another couple of weeks yet)

Well if Uncle isn't around the beer will go stale. He wouldn't want that. I aM noT fooLiSH aNy LongEr. It iS mINe fOr ThE TaKiNg.

(OK, That's it. I am closing the thread on you.)

No, don't - I promis

-- (Mike@rob.erts), March 18, 1999.

WHO iS THiS UncLE JACKaSS????? DOeS HE NoT SOunD CONSTIpaTED????? RETenTiVE????? IDiOT!!!!! MOrOn!!!!! dIEtER SAyS UNcLE Is foR LIttLE CHiLDrEN geTTing ThE TwisTing oF THE aRM!!!!!! Yes????? PepPerONI!!!! BeER is FoR GOofy fOoLiSH HYeNAS WhO ENjOy SELf graTIfiCaTIOnS!!!!! IDIoTS!!!!! SiLEnCE NoW INsaNE RODenTS!!!!! LeT DIEtER SLEeP!!!!!! goOD MOrNING!!!!!!

-- Dieter (, March 18, 1999.



I will also miss the rest of you. Only 'till Wednesday.


-- Chris (, March 18, 1999.

Oooooooo, the beer is still here. Weeeeeeeeeeee. HAHAHAHA. Now is my chan

(Hey! How did we get back on this thread?)

Uh, ...... well, ....... I just

(Enough. We am revoking our posting privileges on this here forum until we are better, so say goodbye.)

NO! Not that! Please? I was only kidding. I like it here and I have to

(No. The break will do us good.)

But I

-- (Mike@Rob.erts), March 18, 1999.

Gayla, looks like that auto-renewing brew might cause some problems ;-)

Bye, Chris, enjoy your break! Ski lots and make sure that you report back on any evidence of stealth geese!

Unc, you better make it back quick. If DiETer has forgotten you, others might, too (not us FRLians, ofcourse!).

Spring is trying to arrive. Weather scheduled for highs well above freezing all weekend. When the other shoe ( er, snow) drops, I'll let the geese know that it's safe to come home...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 19, 1999.

Let us assume a certain poster ( who in parenthesesis can remain unamiuounious - you know, not named) is having a argument about certain adult beverages left on the net with whom we shall assume is another responsible adult on the net. Further, let us assume a third party (not one of the prior two arguing in parenthesisises mentioned above unaminousiously - you know, not named) comes along and finds one or more of the adult beverages left unattended and still sitting on the net.

The moral dilemna is: Does the postulated third party drink them with the right hand, the left-over hand, or, on the other hand, with the other hand?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 19, 1999.

I'm back and am feeling much better gang.

(Now aren't you glad we stopped that fOoLisHNeSs last night?)

Yes. Thanks Mike. What would I do without you. BTW, I still see that beer up there. Uncle hasn't been by yet to drink it.

(We should Just ignore it.)

Ok. Sure looks yummy though, don't you think?

(Don't look. Why not just turn it off)

Turn it off?

(Yes. Then we won't be bothered by it anymore.)

Hmmm. But how?

(Duh, we are a programmer remember?)

Yeah,........ so?

(Just go to "view", select options, and uncheck "show pictures". We don't even need to be a programmer to do that.)

OK, that's what I'll - Hey! What is this Robert just posted? He is already on his third party! Never would have thought he liked beer - pictured him in some den with lots of books, in a Smoking Jacket and with a pipe, sipping Napoleon Brandy. What's this he is saying? He's talking about drinking our beer, uh, I mean, Uncle's beer! He knows that this is under handed but just can't come to gripes with it. All that talk about left and right isn't fooling me. We know what's right don't we? Wonder if Robert has an alter ego identity too? Maybe he does, since he doesn't go in that room called a "kitchen" , remember? That's where the Drinks are. He is probably thirsty too. Poor Robert. Come to think of it, I am thirsty now too.

(We think it's time to go now)

No. I'm thirsty and Robert is on his third party already and being underhanded. He will drink it all with his right and then his left and leave none for us. I want some before he gets it all.

(Say goodbye.)

No, I wan

-- (Mike@Rob.erts), March 19, 1999.

Too bad beer isn't my drink of choice, I'd give a helping hand to Robert and Mike.

BTW, Mike@Rob, I know that we've had several threads about the schizoid effect of living 1999 while preparing 2000, but I really think you might need to look into re-integration! Mind you, I've heard that it's okay to talk to yourself and even have arguements, but that you know there's a problem when you say "Huh?" to the questions...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 20, 1999.


Just HAND it over here, and there'll be no more dilemmas. Um, lemmings di-ing? Died lemmings? Green meybe? Naw, forgid it.

Rob. Is it catching?


-- Diane J. Squire (, March 20, 1999.

Whew! Everything is back to abnormal for me now. Thanks for your advice about re-intergrating, Tricia. I turned off the pictures and so am not tempted.

Diane: It's not catching so far, at least there haven't been any schizo posts by others, and I am better now.


In the wee hours,

it is time to sleep soundly,

wihtout a sound though.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 20, 1999.

Rob, glad to hear that the re-integration worked. That schizoid stuff could be really difficult for your wife. Bad enough married to one Rob Michaels, two too scary. (Besides Robert gets the tutus, remember? ;-) BTW, you were up late! I always check this thread last thing, and I think I live further west than you - last thing yesterday was after 1 a.m unless I'm mistaken.


Weekends come, friends go

Missing them, I re-read posts

Laughing all the time :-D

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 21, 1999.

Tricia: So, being married to one Rob is enough huh? LOL, I'm sure Mrs. Michaels would agree with you. I was paged from work in the wee hours and had to get on this here puter to check things out, that's why I posted so early. Comes with the turf, unfortunately.



One Rob instead of two now,

Whole again, thank you.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 21, 1999.

Well, Rob, I've got it all wrong again *sigh*. Up early is not in my realm of understanding any more, too many of my nights go 'til 10 a.m.

Glad you took my ribbing right - it's really experience speaking. I have enough trouble living with myself, two of me would be _scary_!


Another day past

Count down continues (and preps)

For all FRL

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 22, 1999.

Leska and Ashton we did not see,

A Y2K break remedy,

What would we do,

Without you two,

Now you're back, glad are we.


Tricia is not two, she's one,

She writes good poetry just for fun,

Limericks and haikus,

Written for youz,

She checks in when her 'day' is done.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 22, 1999.

The party of the third part, on the other hand, against the wishes of the party of the first part, for the most part, puts aside the right part to look for leftovers behind the overhead to look underhanded at the left side of the underneath .....unless you unscrew lightbulbs upside down. Which might be true if they were metric.....but then they would grow twolips with the roots on top.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 23, 1999.

Robert, I will never again be able to look at a hanging plant without thinking of you ;-)

The party of this part thanks the party of that part for a good laugh.


It's morning time for all most of you,

It's morning here, but what I'll do

is go to bed,

I'm a sleepy-head,

And sleepy body, too!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 23, 1999.

Just saw a show on TV about catacombs. They didn't mention anything about dogacombs though. No beaveracombs or groundhogacombs or duckyacombs either - just catacombs. How prejudiced can they get. Sheesh! And what are cats doing with combs anyway? What is a cat that doesn't have a comb called - a catacombless? Is this for hairless cats? Or perhaps toothless combs? Suppose the cats have neither teeth nor combs? And how did they lose their hair? Poor kiity cats. Can they get a hair transplant - er, I mean transcat? Questions and more quiestions. Time for sleep as these hairy questions are pondered after this first and last post today.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 23, 1999.

My daughter wanted to know why I read this BB when it's so depressing. I told her it's because I'm the type to keep my eyes open when tied to a rail road track...

It's also because the humour threads are life encouraging! Sleep well, Rob.


War's evil rising

Peace rapidly departing

Irrelevant preps...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 23, 1999.

Hi Rob & Tricia! Today is a great day for FRLians as the snoopy doopy spy laundry was bleached beached for the time being. Hooray! Yes, we took a short respite, and should axe this puter because it sucks the time hog. Having trouble unglueing. Too interesting! What's the cure? Help!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (, March 24, 1999.

Rob, then there are also cataclasms, cataclysms, and catatonics to consider.

-- No Spam Please (, March 24, 1999.


Please excuse me while I release tension.

I got the biopsy report today. The good news is, no cancer. The bad news is, no calcification, so the doc thinks he might have missed the nodule. I get to wait another two months and do it all again. (You may have noticed my comment).

Catatonia is starting to sound good...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 24, 1999.

Tricia: Waiting always stinks, especially for something like this. Know that you will be in our prayers, and try and keep a smile on that face.

Gang: I've been as busy as a beaver! Come to think of it, I don't really know how busy they are, but if they are as busy as I have been then the saying is accurate. I have only had time to post this and start that one thread after I woke up this morning, which I just got around to looking at. Gotta run again. Hope to have some time late tonight to ketchup.

Hey Leska and Ashton, how many messages do youz guys have to go through? 3,000 or so? Must be a lot. Still don't know how ya do it! Glad you are back.

Happy FRLian Victory Day to all. Offline, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 24, 1999.

Tricia, it's not cancer! There are all sorts of lumps & bumps in the road. Affirm perfect health continuously. It's just a stress lump, no wonder, huh. Our thoughts & bouyant well-affirmations are with you, fellow nocturnal muse.

Rob, we disconnected from the eMail option because we couldn't keep up, can't keep up on threads either, can't keep up = cop out? no cope cop out up? It's getting to us, eeeiiiiiiyyyyiiiiii

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (, March 24, 1999.

Now that our FRL victory has been cemented, or duct taped, or at least glued together, I think it is time to pose this here question that I have wondered about. When is a newbie no longer a newbie? Do they turn into a regular? And what happens if a regular stops posting - do they become irregular? Can a newbie that stops posting become irregular ? Maybe that is how a cat without a comb feels.

Leska: None of this stuff is getting to me - no, not at all, not a chance - I'm just as irregular as I regularly is.

Rob, pondering these mysteries of the Forum.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 24, 1999.

Thanks for putting up with me, I'm over my fit of frustration *sigh*.

Rob, I guess I must be one of the irregular regulars, except for this thread. There's only so much time to spare for BB reading, and the less I write, the more I can read. Also, I'm better at haiku than at finding news or making others think.


Friends let me screech,

They read my speach,

They write,

And they cite,

About Y2k they teach.


Tensions are flaring

Potential for war scaring

All with half a brain!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 24, 1999.

One week and counting

For Dieter to be revealed

Do you know his name? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 25, 1999.

Now it's time for bed,

Failures spinning in my head,

green, yellow, then red.


Robins and Bluejays,

here now to stay for a while,

where are the Geese though?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 25, 1999.

Gayla, I think we agree on our guess, but like you suggested, I've hushed.

Rob, you sound like you've had quite a day. The geese are on their way home, they've de-ducted their loads and are looking forward to a fattening summer.

I'm going to try to take a break for awhile, but I'll check in here to hear from friends. Please keep in touch :-)


A woman who lived in St. Albert

Once read a Y2K alert.

She saved rice, meat, and beans

Fruit and veggies, it seems

To try to prevent a big hurt.


She found that while she was stocking

Current events were really quite shocking

So she took a break,

But make no mistake,

She'll be back when things slow their rocking.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 26, 1999.

Gayla: DeItEr wRiTes HaiKUs - compliant one's too - No need to say anything more about my guess.

Tricia: Good for you - we all need a Y2K timeout from time to time. Rest well, faithful FRLian. It may get lonely on this here thread 'til you return, Oh Most Reliable FRLian Night Poster.

Chris should have been back a couple of days ago. Maybe there will be a post soon. Robert hasn't been around much and I was hoping he could answer my irregular questions. Perhaps Leska and Ashton will want a humor break after posting about Russia and Y2K, or maybe Gayla, Diane, NSP, or another FRLian will stop by. Don't know what happened to Donna and the Circus either, but S.O.B posted today - which reminds me -

S.O.B. - Oh Great Knower of All You Know, Sacrificer of Fingers and Toes, and Official Keeper of the Count

It may be a good time to exorcise you solemn count duty, as only you can.

-- Rob Michaels (, March 26, 1999.


Thanks for flying through a risky area. You're an angel! :-)

-- Kevin (, March 27, 1999.

Who me? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 27, 1999.

As per your request Sir Rob;

Ms. Tricia gets the honor of having issued forth the #500 posting on 22 Mar 99 with her reference to the 10:00 am nights.

Ms. Tricia; I am very glad to note that it isn't cancer. I know that the waiting sucks. But at least you have a ray of sunshine for now, and there are lots of causes of such things as the lumps, most are no more than a worry, or a nuisance. Keep on keeping on Ma'am. You have an excellent chance of it being a lot less than you fear that it is.

This post will be #520 if it is just below the post of Ms. Gayla being an angel. I can't think of a more appropriate spot to be in than that one.



-- sweetolebob (, March 27, 1999.

Don't feel funny today. Feel dumppy. As in, "down in the ..."


Tricia, I'll send you white light and happy thought, after a "time" out" to readjust brain cells.

Diane ... ;=(

-- Diane J. Squire (, March 27, 1999.

No, no, lovely Miss Diane, no irregularly dumpties in the beaver pond - they are patient and regular busy-bodies....

Was escorting kiddo's (low school, middle school and higher school) to all sorts of various spring band festivities of late

- I've think I've found the way to get in free to nine billion music concerts = show up five hours early at the school, spend 1 hour packing instruments into trucks, 1 hour packing kids into busses, 1 hour traveling, 1 hour unpacking kids, 1 hour unpacking instruments backstage, 1/4 hour moving instruments on stage, 1/3 hour listening from behind stage, 1 hour moving intruments and getting grades and score sheets, 1 hour packing instuments back in trucks, 1/2 hour packing kids in buses, 1 hour traveling, 1 hour unpacking trucks, 1/2 hour finding parents to unload kids, then 1/2 hour going back to concert site to pick kid's missing bag, then 1/2 extra hour getting home, 1/10 hour stopping at work on way home to download thread, ..........

High Irregular Events - two geese were spotted (feathered ?) walking across the band practice field last night - when last scene - they were facing east. Decided they must be defective steath geese with early-non-comlying GPS receivers - either that or they were using a metric compass.

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 27, 1999.

Thanks, Diane, SOBob, Robert and all who have given me good wishes. I am feeling much less stressed as time goes on, although I am still going to keep my BBing to a minimum for a few days (this is an irresistable oops ;-)

Has anyone heard from Donna since her post re: Significant other altercation? I know we told her to take some time off, I just hoped she'd be back soon. Send some of your prayers and kind thoughts her way, ok?

Our grass is showing through the snow, now, Oh Great Commander of the Geese. I've seen various birds back already, crows for example. If the lead goose agrees, she could start preparing our weather for SOBob's visit in May. If he's coming near here, he'd best bring some warm clothes. Even in May, we often have very cool weather. In fact, my younger daughter was due on May 20th, and I remember being relieved when the date passed without her entrance as we had a huge dump of snow that day - uncommon, not unheard of here. In fact the only month that I have no memory of it snowing in is July - it's just very rare from early May to mid-September. It sounds quite strange that Robert is already dealing with Spring concerts. Ours never start 'til after Easter. However, I have faith - Happy Spring to you all!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 28, 1999.

Tricia, I haven't had much time to read lately and I missed that post of Donna's. Do you remember where it was? Oh dear! I hope she is OK. It's weird, because I was thinking about her and I e-mailed her for the first time late Friday night. I didn't know anything about it, and just "talked" about the circus. I haven't heard back from her. I'm glad you said something. And I HAVE been praying for YOU, too! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 28, 1999.

Gayla, threads disappear quite fast, now. I found it in the archives @

If you e Donna again, let her know how much we miss her.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 29, 1999.

Thanks, Tricia! I just e-mailed her again. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 29, 1999.


The Geese Have Landed!

Stealth geese have been seen on a Canuckiuckian lake, reporting on their successful recon mission to SOBob land. Despite attempts by cruel Amercans to feed them ducted Creole, they survived to return to safety at the home pond. They were so desperate to flee that they returned despite snowy cold weather. The lead goose stated that she still planned to encourage warmer weather for the visit of one of the few kind Amercans later this spring.

End Alert

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 29, 1999.

>End Alert

Tricia the Canuck<

Ms. Tricia;

I'm glad to see that your geese made their way back home safely. They purely are a pretty bird to watch, especially during the takeoff and landing parts of their flights.

A small herd of them, about 6 or so, may be expecting you to hand out a few small crumbles of cornbread on occasion, so don't be too surprised if they look at you kind of expectantly sometimes.

I have put in a special request for some extra sunshine for your area Ms. Tricia. I believe that you could use it just about now.

I will bring lots of warm weather with me when I come up to your country in May, and I'll leave some just in case you need a little extra come October or November. It is forecasted to be 80 degrees here come Thursday, so I guess we will be able to spare a couple of degrees.

This will be #528 if it is just below Ms. Tricia's post referencing the return of the geese.



-- sweetolebob (, March 29, 1999.

Thanks for your sunshine wishes, SOBob, so far they haven't borne fruit, although it has quit snowing (for now :-). Just foggy. About the way I feel, as I'm headed for bed. Meet y'all back here Wed, eh?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 30, 1999.

If its still that cold outside, I wouldn't recommend going around bearing your fruitcakes, Diane, do in sunnier southern CA, might be able to safely go around baring her fruits, but that's between her and her rubby duckies in the hot tub, and we won't discuss that.....

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, March 31, 1999.

Do bears' fruitcakes have nuts in them, or berries? Do they carry them duct-wrapped or bare? Are the bears bare? Do bare bears bear bare berries?

BTW, Robert, your wishes must have borne fruit - the sun came up, the fog (outside) disappeared, and all the new snow disappeared, too. To top it off, I saw a small flock of geese today (yesterday, but I haven't slept yet), heading north. Yes, Virginia, there is something north of Edmonton ;-)

Well, having barely finished my resume, I'm off to sleep so that I can deliver it tomorrow, er, today. I wonder if that fruitcake catapult can be programmed to get resumes to targets...

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 01, 1999.

A note to all - SOB also will be flying north for a while, appearing in the Ohio River vally for a short visit this spring (somebody should tell him that most people go south to the gulf coast for spring break!) Hope his visits with kith and kin are good.

The latest issure of "Skeptics" magazine has a long article on duct tape, duct tape fashion, and the "ignoble awards" associated with the pre-Academy Awards show. It may be difficult to find, but Barnes and Noble had it down here in their magazine section.

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, April 01, 1999.

I see I did a Rob-ism, I called SOBob Robert. Fortunately, they seem to find it an acceptable error ;-)

SOBob, sorry to read of your family problems on another thread, do I gather from your nephews problems that your sister recently died? If so, you have my heartiest sympathy. I'd be devastated if either of my sisters died (or brothers, either). Whatever the problems, I hope your visit goes well, much better than you're expecting.


On another thread

You will find recipes,

But none are fruitcake :-(

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 03, 1999.

Tricia, so glad to see you here. Yes, SOBob's youngest sister died and the family is not doing well. Keep him in your prayers. And what has happened to our dear Rob? He is missing, red sock and all. Donna Barthuley has come back and the circus train is due to leave soon. Uncle is back, too, but Chris (catsy) is AWOL. I am leaving Sunday for a few days, too, but will be back later in the week. So many are coming and going. We need a "scorecard" or something. Rumor has it that even Ms. Lisa lurks on this thread from time to time! Hmmmmm!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, April 03, 1999.

S.O.B. - Thanks for the update to the count, ( I knew I could count on you) and just want to let you know there will be a prayer for you and your family tonite from me.

Gayla: I missed youz guyz too.


It's been a long week,

I'm back FRLians,

Happy Easter all.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 03, 1999.

Welcome back, Rob! FRL & Circus spotty these days, dispersing to Spring and preps, perhaps? When real news hits, FRLians will wend their way back for comradery. Happy Easter to all. May hope arise anew in each one of us.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, April 03, 1999.

Attention FRLians:

As per the request from Donna at the Circus, the FRL fruitcake tossing SEALS have been assigned as security escorts with the groundhogs as a backup, or backdown, or frontup, or frontdown, or, well nevermind. Anyway, a squadron of our FRL stealth Geese are being held in preserve for any Circus aeriel emergency if needed.


Springtime is hopeful,

Darkness gives way to sunshine,

We breathe fresh Spring air.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 04, 1999.

Dear Lovely and Loved Ones at the FRL,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time...the circus, my signficant other, basic neurosis,...the long load time,...I think about all of your with such fondness every time I'm online in our cyber world. My mind is devoid of haiku and limerick, but I so value what everyone one of us has done here, the Asylum, at the circus...I'm a firm believer in the old Lennon song that says: "Whatever gets you through the night is alright."

Thanks to Rob for acting as the FRL liason for the circus. Thanks to all you cross-over artists,....The MCYY2K Circus is on the if we could just get Uncle to come out of the house to say hi, I'd be in pig heaven.

Didya ever notice that Ed doesn't chastise us for wasted bandwidth...some people's kids know a thing or two about how humans thrive, eh? Sorry for the long delay...thank you for your kind thoughts on my meltdown. Takes ones to know one. ((((my FRL and Circus Lovelies))))))!!!!

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 04, 1999.

(((Donna))), (((SOBob)))

Sounds like rough times for you, both. Hope it gets better soon.

We've had another interesting week, too. My daughter, who's been well since the New Year, caught pneumonia. The antibiotics are working their miracle, and I'm grateful, grateful, thankful, that it's still 1999 and that the 'bug' wasn't a nasty resistant one.


Courage to you, now, my friends.

I assure you, this time will end.

For good or ill,

Time does not still,

But flows through all its bends.


Know this too shall pass,

Sometimes comfort, sometimes not

Always it is true


This thread has lost its lightness lately, but I treasure the moments with friends. Happy Easter, all. (I ain't been to bed yet ;-) See you for fun at the Circus.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 05, 1999.

Tricia, I have missed you. Welcome back! Happy Easter O:-)

-- Leska (, April 05, 1999.


It's also because some of us have lost our "lightness" too. Confident we'll find it again tho.

It's Monday morning in a rainy Northern California. I did spot three lost Stealth Canadian Geese this weekend. Not a large group but they are "generally" heading in your direction.

Hope everyone's holiday was pleasant. (All FRL one and one FRL all).

Might disappear for awhile. We'll see.

Hard to stay away, and yet it's hard to stay motivated. Gotta do something to bring back the "sparkle!" (Like shut off the 'puter and splash in rain puddles).

*Little Sigh*

Much Love,


(P.S. Thanks for the encourging phone call Leska & Ashton!)

-- Diane J. Squire (, April 05, 1999.

Sweetness and light not found here,

But this is a thread 'bout fruitcake, I hear.

FRLian folk

can take a joke;

these days its hard to find one - oh dear!


Jack and Jill went up a hill

To fetch a pail of water,

'Twas Y2K, and need I say?

They wished they hadn't oughter!


Good morning!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 06, 1999.

War and religion?

Forum doesn't seem the same,

Swift runs the river.


The thread lengthens still,

Together we laugh and cry,

Hand in hand we go.


Venus shines tonight,

Reflected in children's eyes,

Season of new hope.


We heard from RunWay Cat today,

And are so happy he's OK,

One less worry is there now,

To hear from him was great, and how,

When he'll be back no one can say.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 06, 1999.

Tricia, Diane, Rob, & RC! All back for a spell of reverie
Dear friends that we've missed and value their comradery
As we walk in glorious warm sun and briefly forget Y2K toiletry!

Diane, it is always a pleasure to hear your voice :-)
Thanks for the Easter card!
When the sun finally comes out, and the flowers and birds too
The last thing we want to think about is Y2K and all we still have left to do.

My mind, hopes, dreams, motivations, and longings are all pleading with me to ditch Y2K for a while and just LIVE like there's no tomorrow. Heeheeheeeheeeheeeheee. Saw lots of ducks & geese today, and cannot forget our FRLian friends.
Love, blossom fragrance, warm sun, and playful sailing clouds to all of you :-)

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, April 06, 1999.

One day at a time,

Live like there's no tomorrow,

Time keeps on slippin'.


Y2K Break time,

So many of us lately,

here and then resting.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 07, 1999.

Looks like we're turning into the Asylum ;-)

Now that spring is upon us (the robins have been setting up house, with great racket, in our back yard), fruitcakes are not found anywhere. We obviously need a new Y2K food to overstock. Do you have any suggestions? It need not be quite as useful as fruitcakes - hard to find a food that can be used for construction, as a weapon, soaked in brandy/whiskey for parties, etc. However, one that could have at least more than one use is adviseable. After all, I'm running out of space for storage (something I'd never have believed I'd say when first I moved into this house!). Your thoughts on this matter will be greatly appreciated.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 08, 1999.

Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. I have heard that, over the past several weeks there was a coo (not to mention all the kookoos) and the rubber duckies were overthrown. Apparently, a small fuzzy animal with long droopy ears has taken over underground movements. Thankfully, the evidence he leaves behind can be collected and detained for counter-defense measures. What is still difficult to understand is how he comes by all these colored, hard-shelled objects (unless he gets them from the coos or kookoos). Regardless, they are great throwing objects and, if kept long enough can double as stink bombs. I suggest we research their feasability.

Christine - reporting back from furlough.

-- Christine A Newbie (, April 08, 1999.

FRL-(non)-Intelligence Report on various and sundry (Sunday?) matters of grate import and export -

1) Certain (evidently FRL-trainied) stealth beavers have been evidently working amongst the cherry trees in DC - they are eating the trees, storing (obviously) against the potential troubles next year - or else they are removing the last of the excuses (I cannot tell a lie ... I chopped down the cherry tree...) from our present fearless leaders up there. Since the busy furry critters have not been discovered yet, nor been observed, we must assume they are very, very, stealthy indeed.

2) Certain small four-footed squirrel-type critters here (closer to home) are believed to be removing said colored hard solid round objects from known hiding places near trees and under bushes - BEFORE- small two-footed people-type critters can "go outside and find them" on certain Easter mornings.

Clue: I believe the phrase "d**med squirrels got the Easter eggs again!" was heard from the residents of said closest dwelling whilest the small people critters were finding certain round solid objects missing.

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, April 08, 1999.

Tricia: Good suggestion about having a backup food/weapon to overstock. I was going to give this some thought but then saw Christine's EGG answer, which is a well-rounded idea.

WELCOME BACK CHRISTINE!!! We missed you and are glad to hear from you again. That EGG idea has a lot of merit. For one thing the stealth Geese and Duckies can carry these eggs as ordinance and drop them from various attitudes. The stink-bomb use is also very appropriate. I think you have hit on something here!

Robert: I just deceived an intelligence report - Shhhhhh - the strange happenings in DC are not due to The Beavers - no - they are Moles! In holes! Don't tell anyone though. We also have them dang tree-rats called squirrels. Busy little creatures. They think they own the Michaels House, always tearing up the garden looking for nuts etc. They really tick Dear Mrs. Michaels off, but she tolerates them anyway - especially since she is so happy lately about her twolip plants that I bought her - they bloomed (still don't see hide nor hair of any lips though).

-- Rob Michaels (, April 08, 1999.

I just found the darn enlistment form for the FRL and, well, I always was a procrastinator.. is it too late to enlist?? My bride has a LOT of the stealth geese at work, though these seem quite happy to have gone AWOL and seem to be setting up light housekeeping there..


-- Chuck, a night driver (, April 08, 1999.

Chuck: It's 'bout time you made it here!

Welcome, Oh Great Driver in the Night, Keeper of some Geese, and Newest FRLian.

Long Live Our Fruitcake Freedoms!

-- Rob Michaels (, April 08, 1999.

Full Image

I don't drink beer (anymore), but I just tasted some "beer bread" that was really good. It is VERY simple to make, and as you know, the beer has yeast in it. So, you don't have to store yeast. I need Uncle to tell me what the shelf life of beer is. Not that he lets his sit around that long, but maybe it has a date on it?

PS- Rob, your inebriated posts are hysterical! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, April 08, 1999.

Welcome, Chuck. Glad you finally found that form. I never did find mine, but being a real (un-fiat) fruitcake, was accepted anyhoo.

Chris posted something on another thread the other day, but she seems to still be MIA from here. Maybe we should start an egg thread to lure her in again.

Christine, what a great idea! I hope Rob is wrong about you hitting on one of them stink bomb type things, though - much better to have them hit some(undesired)thing else.

My less than brilliant idea was for peanut butter. Lots of good nutrition, and can be used for glue. However, the round objects sound like an even better suggestion; I think that when less than round, they do a fairly good imitation of glue, too. Has anyone here had experience with this?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 08, 1999.

OOOOooooooo What's this I see? A never-empty glass of Beer from dear Gayla.

(Oh no, we aren't going to go through this again are we?)

Whadda ya mean. Galya is our friend and she wants us to have it.

(OK, go ahead.)

What? You mean you aren't going to try and stop me this time Mike?

(Not this time. Go for it. Have a good time. Drink up, Rob)

OH BOY no conscious. Does that mean I am unconscious? No matter. Lets have a cold one. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy. Lets have anotgherer. Mmmmmmmmm. Letz hav nothre MMmmmm hiclup mmmmm. Ha HA ha Ha hA heeeeeeee heeeeeeee Hikcuppp. I peel fritty dwunk ha ha ha WWWWWWEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehikcupeeeeeeeee. Hey Mikey yu wanna dwink 2 ? Dere's prenty in the grass stilll HA ha HA. How about Havign sum flutecrake and eggz. Yeah, wecan mak a flutecrake amulette to go wit sour beer. We cantryi Tricia's new reci pee with the eggz and neanut putter and the flutecrkae. Soun gud? Mmmmmmm. But dat meanz we wil havtogo into MrsMIchales specail room, Yu no, the kitchpin. She tol us stayout of der memberr? Ah waht the helll, letz go mak a nice Amulet forher. Boy willshee bee saprized. HA HA HA hicjkupo.

-- Wob richaesl (yummy@amu.lette), April 08, 1999.

Oh-oh. We're gonna lose Rob for a few more days, I'm afraid. Mrs Michaels doesn't take it well when he messes up her kitchen. I think he might have had a glass before he started posting, I didn't see any beer from Gayla... or did he just re-find St Patty's day post? In Rob's case, the spirit's available and the flesh is weak.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 08, 1999.

HAhahahahah hickupuuupup.

Shee wont mindmee beeing in her kitchpin, afteralll I amaking a amulette forher. Now letz pee. I tink iwlll need a bowle and flying pran. She haz one I no 'cauz she hitme widit once member. Yez, derit iz. Ok now weput the neanut putter and eggz and flutecrkae inthis bowle and stirrrit. Noowwe putit in dis pran to makthe amulette. Hmmmm. It dontsmell reall gud. Uh oh, I uzed someping rong I tink. Stingy eggz.

Whoz dat athe door. OH NO Shez home noww. I bitter go hid in the masebent an I'lll tellher the squirelres didit.

-- (bye@byehickup.bye), April 08, 1999.


Commercial beers are pasteurized, which adds shelf life and decreases the chance for the beer going "skunky" too fast, but it also kills the yeast. I think 6 months or so is about the shelf limit for fresh "live" beer, but I've never had any sit around for more than a month or two. (even I can't finish off 6 gallons in a week)

Brewing your own is easy enough if you brew with extracts, which is how I brew. It's really about as difficult as making Campbell's soup when you do it that way.


-- Uncle Deedah (, April 08, 1999.

ROTFL! Rob, when you come out of the basement, you can tell Mrs. Michaels that it was all MY fault. I take full responsibility. Tell her that I was just trying to teach everyone in the FRL how to make beer bread. (Does she like to cook?)

Thanks Uncle Deedah for the info. (You're a man of many talents!) :-) The lady who made the bread for us just used a regular can of beer. Only, I think she said to use 12 oz. cans (most come in 16 oz. now.) I guess you could just drink the other 4 ounces. (After you make the bread of course! If you drink it BEFORE you bake, well... your cooking may turn out like Rob's.) The cooking takes care of the alcohol in the bread. Here is the recipe:

2 eggs

1/2 cup sugar

1 can beer

3 cups self rising flour

Mix all ingredients together, one at a time. Pour into greased loaf pan. Bake at 450 for 15 minutes, then 350 for 35 minutes.

It was really quite good. I was looking for an easy recipe, and I think even Robert Cook could make this one. ;-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, April 08, 1999.

Recipe for Campbell's soup - Buy soup. Go to work. Park truck in parking lot. Put soup on dashboard of truck. Work - until lunchtime. Return to truck. Open soup. (Use pocketknife, or other implement.) Drink hot soup. Throw can away.

Next day: Repeat above. For more variety, get a different flavor of soup.

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (, April 08, 1999.

Tahnks Gayla. I showd Mear Dises Michales dis thead and yur posts and shetry makin beerbred and likit so much shehickupn tooo HA hA hA hA WWWEEEEEEEEE. Now we r alll onebig hippy flamily. Shez not anwry with me causethe beerbred sooooooooogud Hichkupupup. I tink shezasheeep now and hichkup Iam a little sit bleepy too so gubniite. And tahnks again for yurpost and recdipee, you raelly shaved my mutt.

-- (sonodfust@gud.nite), April 08, 1999.

Now I know how I missed that beer, Gayla, you posted at the same time as me! So when I next looked in, I went to the bottom then back up to my last post and missed your beer. That bread sure sounds good. We'll have to ask Rob how his turned out ;-)

We're getting great Y2K food ideas. Maybe Unk'll let us know how to store dehydrated beer? ;*)


It's fun to play

With food and friends together -

Remember your drinks :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 09, 1999.

Attention FRLians

Sunday, the 11th , will be yet another anniworsary of this here thread. So to commemorate this mildstone, I ask that we muse a bit and perhaps rhyme on the event.


At night before we go to bed,

We look for answers on this thread,

Friends come and go,

that we all know,

and sometimes lurkers show their heads.


I wonder if Ed,

Has ever read,

This silly thread!

-- Rob Michaels (, April 09, 1999.

After all of the ribbing I've taken from Robert A Cook P.E. and others about dehydrated beer, here are the five ingredients:

1)Dried malt extract

2)Dried hopps

3)Dried brewers yeast

4)Sugar (for priming bottles)


That's it, honest to goodness dehydrated beer!

-- Uncle Deedah (, April 09, 1999.

Uncle has returned,

Dehydrated beer and all,

Master of Haikus.


A toast to Uncle,

May your glass never empty,

Drink to the new day.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 10, 1999.

Uncle, does the dehydrated part mean that you add the water later?

Rob, glad to see your venture into the kitchen didn't cost you computer time this time ;-)


Deedah visits here,

Tells us how to make our beer,

Now we can party :-)


Don't want to party,

World War three too close at hand

May already be :_(


Good night, my friends.

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 10, 1999.

Unc: I am a budding brewer too. Started with a brewsack, then a half carboy of mead, and now ai've got a replacement of teh malt for when I finally empty the brewsack, which will be a sad day as it has kept me company for about 2.5 months. BUT, I still have a few Saranac's, in the basement, so the 6 week wait won't be so bad.

Oh, she said rhime;

sorry, haven't the time.


who will only cop out once

so's not to appear a dunce.

-- Chuck, a night driver (, April 10, 1999.

Chuck, if you're a budding brewer, what happens when you flower? Do you get flower power? Or just bloomin' busy?

Robert's been away too long, again. I'm falling into Cookisms.

And if I had'nt cleanted it up, my alfpbet stwe provlem would be very hovbioius. Defingtily time for bed?! goid nignt

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 11, 1999.

Happy Anniversary of the Thread to All FRLians and Long Live the FRL!

-- Rob Michaels (, April 11, 1999.

Happy Anniversary FRL Lovelies! ((((All-a-yous))))

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

Happy Anniversary!! (I always was an expressive, rather dramatic child.... hence all of the pictures!) hee hee!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, April 11, 1999.

Happy Anniversary to all of the FRL;

I have returned from here I was to where I am.

Thank you one and all for your kind words and thoughts. It really does help.

This will be # 572 if it is just below Ms. Gayla's sparkling post.



-- sweetolebob (, April 11, 1999.

Thinking of FRL, the Asylum,...remembering I have a linkable page with poems I'd love to dedicate to the anniversary...I've been here at Yourdon's almost a year...a month, read 'em or's a link with my poems that speak of human spirit, which I have found at "all our favorite Yourdon threads",...some of my poetry....

Some of my poetry for what they're worth

I actually need to add a few...will try to do so today...

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

Welcome back S.O.B, and thanks for the count update.

Gayla: Fireworks are certainly appropriate, keep being your naturally expressive self - uh, unless you go to war again :)

Wow Donna, I am impressed! I related to the ones for Becca and Jason, and really liked the beachcomber one too. We at the FRL are truly honored by this. Thank you.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 11, 1999.

Ah Rob,..thanks...Becca and Jason are my 20-something kids...whom I would die for...They now expect poetry from their mom on special homemade cards on all other days...

I keep thinking about the indomitable spirit here, and at all previous and concurrent so-called humor threads..and that spirit is what screams out...

Thank you kindly, Sir, for your kind words...

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

Donna: Once a parent, always a parent :)

Perhaps you will inspire Tricia or Uncle to write an FRL anniversary Haiku!

-- Rob Michaels (, April 11, 1999.

I think anniversary poems are called the poem and music fields,...called festschrift..

Since I'm a lazy butt and don't want to reload I'm going to post two poems that have other-human application here...text only and not on my poems page.

A sonnet,..

Yes, time and tide do fragile beings bend,
Reversals, deaths, dark vagaries assail.
Yet, like or not, my griefs and joys still lend
Poignant flavor, the spice of win and fail.
Life-Seas'ning moments fill the canvas cloth
Of jaunty lifeboat, a dinghy 'mid the clouds.
Inside, cocooned, lives a gourmet gypsy moth;
Swoop, feast, then back,...I flee the madding crowds.
Please notice not my fine avoidance tool,
Nor see the scars from flying through the thorns.
Instead, the wingy dress, a costumed fool.
See this Ephem'ral dance the orange morns.
,...No shrouded enigma, a glass I hold,
,...To mirror all sav'ry existence untold.
Where's the orchestra?

If it should be true that all life's but a stage,
And we the real players in a greasepaint world,
Then something's quite off, and has me in a rage;
The lack, backround music for this Broadway girl.
With feet on the boards, and voice in the rafters
I've learned all my lines, (the blocking's sublime),
Soliloquies spoken, those glad ever-afters.
But a melody's missing, (a dastardly crime).
O, Composer, I cry, "Some monophony please!
Add some lush swelling strings, and some counterpoint now.
'Tis most inexcusable, this omission, a tease.
Give me music, or put up your dukes, and we'll row."
What's this? My task is: compose all the music?
Then I'll do a piece free, for a life that's eurythmic.

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

bold off,..and now..from Billy Joel from eons ago...His version of Where's the Orchestra,...not in sonnet form:

Where's the orchestra?
Wasn't this supposed to be a musical
Here I am in the balcony
How the hell could I have missed the overture?
I like the scenery, even though I have absolutely no idea at all
What is being said, despite the dialogue,
There's the leading man
a movie star who never faced an audience.
Where's the orchestra? After all, this is my big night on the town,
my introduction to the theater crowd.
I assumed that a show would have a song.
So, I was wrong,
at least I understand, all the inuendo, and the dialogue,
and I appreciate the roles the actors played
the point the author made.
And after the closing lines,
and after the curtain calls,
the curtain falls on empty chairs,
where's the orchestra?

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

Too Full of Beer (A 19th century song of the English working classes)

For Reform we feels too lazy, too full o' beer.

Much malt liquor makes us hazy, too full o' beer.

We don't want no alteration, of the present Legislation,

't won't affect out siitiwation, too full o' beer.

We've the means to bile our kettles, too full o' beer.

Not bad off for drink and wittles, too full o' beer.

When we got no work nor wages, Politics our minds engages,

Till such time we never rages, too full o' beer.

Will this here Reform, we axes, too full o' beer.

Clear us quite of rates and taxes, too full o' beer.

Income-Tax the middlin' classes, Load unequal - patient asses ! -

But it don't oppress the masses, too full o' beer.

We be willin' to be quiet, too full o' beer.

Not a bit inclined to riot, too full o' beer.

From the ale that's sound and nappy, Him as wants a change is sappy,

Wot's the odds so long's you're happy, too full o' beer.


Hmmm. All of this about beer is making me a wee bit thirsty - maybe I'll come back to this here thread for a nip of that never-empty glass later.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 11, 1999.

A poet I'm not -- congratulations to all FRLians and lurking friends for hanging in there (or out there/or up there/or under there). Keep up the preps and the chins.

-- Lois Knorr (, April 11, 1999.

The beer post seems like the "where's the orchestra" we are..we are just doing... just drinking...just living..Where's the geese? LOL I have other lyrics and poems to post but I'll refrain for now....

-- Donna Barthuley (, April 11, 1999.

Help! It took 3 tries to load this whole thread! Have 32M RAM, guess will have to add more ;-) Know we voted a ways back, & then we voted to stay here & continue, but how will we ever reach the end after today? Helppppppp yelp!

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, April 11, 1999.

Ashton and Leska: Your plea for help has been heard. With almost 600 answers plus pictures I think it is time to start a new FRL thread. We haven't heard from Chris and some others for a while either, possibly due to them not being able to load it! We simply cannot have a situation where FRLians do not have access to their Fruitcake data.

FRLians: I motion, on this auspicious or suspicious or delicious anniversary, to give birth to a son or daughter KYF thread.

Will someone second the motion?

-- Rob Michaels (, April 11, 1999.

Being a procrastinating man of action and intrigue (Austin Powers was a slow student of mine) I second teh motion, declare it passed (ANARCHY REIGNS) and, well, gave birth to a new thread before looking at the motion. Thought it had passed already. (snuffle snuffle, rubbing up the shine of my shoes on teh oposite pants leg, hat in hand, AW SHUCKS, sir......


-- chuck, a Night Driver (, April 11, 1999. ANYWAY, here's the link, incase you go to recent answers FIRST.

Know Your Fruitcake, The Second


-- chuck, a Night Driver (, April 11, 1999.

Rob, on the off chance that you are still getting e notification on this thread - We Miss YOU!

Hope whatever it is that's kept you away has been good news, not bad. Come back when you can, see you on FC2 :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, April 30, 1999.

Hi Tricia. First of all, thank you so much for your concern. I have missed you also (and our usual FRLian goodnight rhymes) and my other FRLians friends too. It's been very hectic at my job with our Y2K deadlines coming up. This included some business travel too. With Spring here, I have also been doing some more outside projects around the house. Haven't done any posting in two weeks, and not even much lurking. It was a good coincidence that I got online and checked in this morning and saw the old thread active. Hope to be back contributing after all this work is done, which won't be too much longer. I'll post to the KYF II thread when I get back. Hope all is well with everyone, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (, April 30, 1999.

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