Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor) : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Gang: This thread is just another one of those threads with some of my various observations - but this one is not serious or allegorical, just silly. I am in that kind of mood today. Besides, it is Friday and Scary Gary is going to get another shot at "entertaining" about 8 million people later tonight.

Seems to me that Y2K will bring many 'opportunities' to wait in line for one thing or another. We have discussed the potential rationing of various things: food, water, fuel, even cash, to name a few. I dislike waiting in lines - intensely. This is because I always pick the wrong line. Do you feel the same way?

Take supermarkets for example. No matter how many lines there are, I check them all out first, looking for the shortest one. I get in that one, and invariably it takes longer than the ones I did not get into. I stand there stupidly and watch other people who stood in what would have been 'my' place get out before me. I have no explanation for this. It's strange. Perhaps every line is the "wrong" line? .

And another thing: Why is it that when I get a shopping cart, it always pulls to one side, or one wheel sticks, or the fold down part doesn't fold down, or something else is wrong with it. I walk through the store and everyone else seems to be pushing along without a problem, as I tighten my grip and fight with the cart to go in a more or less straight line. I even tried multiple carts, but each one I pick just has a different problem for me to chose from. I finally gave up and now I just go shopping a little more often - like about 16 times a week - and I use those little hand carry baskets instead of carts. You can load about three dozen cans of spam in one of them things too.

Now on a more serious note: There are many of us who are preparing. We have all seen prep lists for the basics. One item that is always absent though is Duct Tape. It comes as no surprise to some of you how I feel about duct tape. (I suffer from DTC - Duct Tape Compulsiveness.) First came the wheel, then electricity, then duct tape. Great inventions, all. I have seen many threads about food, water, survival, etc, but not enough about the importance of Duct Tape. Remember to include plenty of duct tape in your supplies, including putting some in your bug out bags. It may prove to be vital to your survival. If we have TEOTWAWKI can you imagine not having duct tape to rebuild civilization? So stock up now, and don't leave home without it.

Another strange thing that happens to me all of the time is missing calls. I can sit at my desk all day, except for a few short breaks, and invariably I get a call during that 4 or 5 minute period that I am away from the desk. Don't know why - happened to me again just this morning. Twice. Perhaps the phone has some kind of Gnome in it (you know, like the ones that steal your socks in the dryer). The little gnome sees us walk away, and then sends a secret message to the other person's phone gnome to call us NOW. Then they both ROTFL. Being smart little gnomes, I wonder what contingency plan they have worked out for Y2K disruptions. If we can figure out how they do this, maybe it can help us all communicate.

p.s. (You can also wrap your socks in duct tape to keep pairs together)

p.p.s I am going to take a little break now, and hide just outside the room and listen for the gnomes to ring the phone - I can almost hear them LOL now. BFN, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999


Rob, dontcha think it's that you NOTICE & REMEMBER the outcome better when it is negative ? On a grander scale, people often remember the 'bad' times in their lives, like war experiences, better than the good (apart from extreme and controversial areas such as repressed memory).


"We watch the rising flood waters, secretly hoping to drown."
- Andrei Codrescu

-- Runway Cat (, February 19, 1999.

Rob, Duct tape is one of the new-fangled fix-alls. In my time, you could fix just about anything with a little baling wire and/or binder twine.

-- Gerald R. Cox (, February 19, 1999.

Actually, the math guys will tell you that it is pretty much within the realms of real probability to never get the fastest line because (STATISTICS ALERT IF YOU CAN"T HANDLE NUMBERS GO ELSEWHERE!!):

You have a 1/n chance of picking the fastest line where n=the number of lines.

You have a (n-1)/n chance that another line will be faster.

thus, with 2 lines it's a coin toss.

With 3 lines it's 2:1 against you

With 4 it's 3:1 against and gets worse, the more lines there are.

{/STAT MODE} Chuck

-- Chuck, night driver (, February 19, 1999.

Now, don't you feel better knowing the deck of lines is stacked statistically against you so one of the other lines will be faster?

And of course, you always find something "in the very last place I'd ever thought of to look for it" .... because you stop looking for it after you find it. Else, you'd find a new place to look for it, then you would find it there - if it were there then. If it weren't there then, then you'd look someplace else to look again there for it then in the new place.

And sooner or later, you find it there then. So you stop looking at the new "last place you'd ever think of to look for it.".

This is begining to took like food for the fit to feed the food for the fit, isn't it?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

Rob, I think those are the same gnomes who greedily eat my Xs. They just get hungrier when fed. Always fed, never satisfied; never fed, always satisfied. Anyway, if you catch one, please feed it lots of red socks so it will ignore the Xs. Nothing we can do about the hyena bellows ;-(

Usually the Forum slows down a bit on the weekends, but after tonight, expect bunches of newbies. The weekend trolls will try to eat the newbie's fresh curiosity, like thought/energy/prep vampires, while the gnomes omnivorously will eat anything. If only the gnomes would devour the trolls ... Bridge Wars!

Is the solution poker fingertips?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x

-- Leska (, February 19, 1999.

You can poke her fingertips only if a female troll is holding on to side of the bridge over troubled waters waiting on the levee till the polyanna's come round the mountain playing o'susanna.....

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

oooohhh, Robert, the minds of these engineers! And drumming and chumming as they arrive ...

-- Leska (, February 19, 1999.

Hey you're right - they ate them again! Way cool - maybe we can all eat "XXXX's" rather than each other when the troubles start. (Course, it might be more fun to eat each other, but I'll trouble you stay out my private life.)

Now - how many calories in your typical X? Is there more potential food energy in the chain of XXXXX rather than a single X? Are they like spagettio's - sort of random? What flavor sauce is best withyour X's and O's? Do they multiply in the dark, or in the bowl? Do they multiply faster if you X*X or (X) times (X)? What if you used "XX" with implicit multiplication (Is this considered living together, rather than two letters having an honest. open relationship?)

Is it better to consider XY for multiplication, rather the single gender XX bond? Do you get less calories if you subtract: Y-Y or X-X?

In the smaller "x"? Can you eat a "y" like a shrimp? Or is it a "Y" if you fry it in batter?

Now, back to the subject at hand: are we limited to the generic XY relationship, or are ABC's okay? Is a bounded letter (D, B, O for example) hollow or filled? If so, filled with what? Does a J or Y catch rainwater, juice, or sauce that the bottom of an H dumps out? Is there value in the dot above an i? If not, why is there at all?

And I have not yet begun to consider fonts or sizes.......

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

Duct tape IS the modern replacement for baling wire. I don't think they even make baling wire anymore -- plastic strapping has replaced that in a lot of cases. Rope and string -- that you can make without high tech -- got hemp?

-- a (, February 19, 1999.

What gets to me is that my life never can stay on an even keel more than two months at a time. In a recent two week period - the wife's car broke down and had to be fixed. My pickup truck broke down bad - the transmission literally broke into two pieces and the drive shaft tried to beat a hole in the gas tank and kill me in a fireball - halfway between Memphis and Jackson on the way to Nashville. The wife lost her job the next Friday. Net result - about $2500 short of where I expected to be at the end of the month. OUCH!

The upside - a couple of friendly folks picked me up, took me where I needed to go in Nashville, and picked me up and took me home, arranging by cell phone for my truck to be towed in. A Baskin Robbins owner gave us over 60 gallons of ice cream he did not need. Turned out my taxes will be nil this year because of various mishaps last year - so I will get a big check back from the govt.

So on average - nothing happened. But the up and down deviation from the norm is killing me!

-- Paul Davis (, February 19, 1999.

just getting us ready for the weird roller coaster next year
only the rides will fly off the tracks

-- Plain Jane (consistency@soon.over), February 19, 1999.

Beware!!! BEWArE I SAY!!! Duct TaPE WILL REMOVE EyE BrOWS!!! CAN YOU SEE HoW PAinfilled thAT WOULD BE???? ALSO WHEN FOOLISHLY LooKING EVERywhere for a LoST ITEM!!!! WHY DO yOU NOt ASK YOUr WIFE So THAT She can POINT OUT ThAT IT WAS THE Whole time rIGHT in front of your FACE????

-- Dieter (, February 19, 1999.


Rob, was MacGuiver(sp?) your favorite show, too? We didn't miss one if we could help it. Amazing what that man could do with a bit of duct tape. Don't leave home without it!

Paul, I know just what you mean. On Sunday, my car started stalling all the time. I took it in to get it looked at. They couldn't find anything wrong, so they did more diagnostics. They still couldn't find anything, so they did a tune up. It cost me C$300 for a tune up! And this week is supposed to be the week we get a wood stove. :-( Also, they've cut my hours at work. However, my husband just got word that he's getting a 10% bonus for last year, and I have leads on several jobs that aren't only night shift. Best of luck to your wife in her search! :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 19, 1999.

Y'all are fruitcakes, but you know that.

Now, in addition to the duct tape, you might want to pick up some of that epoxy stuff. You know, grey and white putty-type stuff, comes in a tube, you blend it together and use it for plumbing repairs, particularly holes in metal pipes. Well, it also did a great job on my old iron railings, holding them firmly in the bricks where the original mortar had crumbled. I mean to get a couple of tubes, there must be dozens of uses for this stuff. I guess you could use it for creating metal "found objects" sculpture if you're so inclined. Easier than welding.

-- Old Git (, February 19, 1999.

Rob, I bought some Duct tape at Wal-mart, but it says DUCK tape instead of Duct tape. Is it Duct tape for ducks?

Speaking of ducks, where is Chris? If I hadn't ducked at the last minute that wet fruitcake would have hit me over on Deedah's thread. She is in BIG trouble again! ;-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 19, 1999.


I've heard that socks don't really disappear in the dryer. What actually happens is a stray sock jumps *in* the dryer, giving you an extra sock, driving you equally crazy...;-)

Duct tape and super glue...hooray!

Old Git, LOL...!!!

Last week broke the key off in the ignition of my car. The repair guy looked at me like I was nutz...ah well, another $250.00 down the car drain...

-- Sub-Mit (, February 19, 1999.


HINT: Always look under the bed. The darndest missing stuff always its way there!



Y2K Humour and Cartoons...


More cartoons ...


And ...

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 19, 1999.

I found "finds" under the bed too.

(See above).

Diane *Sigh*

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 19, 1999.

"Proposed Amendment to the Fruitstitution:

In order to move to the new thread, or to an old thread, or to a non-existent thread, all FRL members hereby agree, being of fruity and nutty mind with full misunderstanding of any and all potential inconsequentialities. that all future official FRL business still remain on this the first and only and original thread provided by the Fruitstitution of the FRL. Official business of the FRL is constituted duly by any discussions regarding the Know Your Fruitcake proposal and subsequent actions and operations deemed necessary by FRL members to protect and uphold the FRL Fruitstitution."

Fruity friends, I believe the Chairman of the Bored is a traitor and slick liar.

Upon careless analysis of this amendement proposal, after having had at least 3 whiskey fruitcake slices after dinner on a friday night, and then going to the kitchen to do the dishes while dancing to "YMCA" on the radio, I am convinced that Sir Rob of the Robeless is trying to discredit me and make ME look like the FRL traitor!

I mean come on guys! Just read the thing. Isn't it obviously obvious?

I rest my case.

-- Chris (, February 19, 1999.

And for anyone whos serious about waiting in and FRL line...

Know Your Fruitcake! (not for the serious) 000Imj

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 19, 1999.

Y.M.C.A. (+Y2K)...

-- Kevin (, February 19, 1999.

Chris: Now, now, Chris clam down a bit. How can I be a traitor? Think about the many times that we have helped each other. Think about just last week when Gayla demanded, well, you remember. I know that you are feeling pretty good right now, and I would like you to reconsider your remarks about me after you settle down. Please?

Everyone but Chris: Uh, gang, I made need your help on this one. PWI (posting while intoxicated) carries a hefty fine, even for first time offenders, and none of us want to see Chris in trouble. Any suggestions?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

Well, actually it depends on whose "robeless" we're talking, Chris being robeless is an entirely different subject - wasn't she the one going to the gym without summer clothes?

And I still don't know whether groundhogs are Y2K compliant for next year's Feb 29.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

I certify that I am not Robeless - in fact, my robe matches my really bright red socks, and I replaced the silly belt that came with it and made another one - out of duct tape.

-- Rob not robeless Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

Hope I haven't stumbled into what's mophing into a FRL 2.0 thread since I've never been admitted as member. But I did read the above threads closely and saw NO official pronouncements. Appologies if I've intruded, but ya shouda guarded the door better.

Now, as to what I wanted to say originally.

Someone up there said "I've heard that socks don't really disappear in the dryer. What actually happens is a stray sock jumps *in* the dryer, giving you an extra sock, driving you equally crazy...;-) "

This is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and you people need to be straightened out.

After extensive research and observation in controlled circumstances, the Bear had found the following to be the answer to the disappering sock question.

Being an astute (mama Brear spells that differently) obeserver I've noted TWO (supposedly) strange phenomena. Socks disappear and coat hanger tend to multiply. The Bear spent several night observing coat hangers with a night vision scope (wanted to make sure that regular light would not upset them) and found that in fact coat hangers do NOT breed in the closet or elsewhere.

Upon application of superior logic (achieved BTW by eating very fruitcake) the Bear formed a theory and has verified it with extensive field observations. It can now be stated with scientific accuracy that (taadaa..) Socks are the larval stage of coat hangers. It's the heat of the dryer that causes them to morph.

(Applause lead to a standing ovation by the audience which lead a small group of world prominent scients to carry Greybear out of the room on their shoulders.)

-- Greybear, yea, yea, I know, go away. That's what those scientists said too after they threw me out of the room. But I really *do* like fruitrcake.

-- Greybear (, February 19, 1999.

Greybear: You don't need any invitation, you just have to be committed (and after reading your post I would say you should be, along with the rest of us) to protecting our freedoms against the insidious, evil plots of the ene, enem, enemy - the Fruitcake Reserve Bored. BTW, that wasn't real fruitcake you ate, it was definately fiat fruitcake. If it were real, you would not have been able to eat it at all. Welcome Greybear, Knower of the Mysteries of socks and hangers. Know your Fruitcake!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

AHHH HAAA! There she is!! And she's loaded. Now's my chance!! (Where is that rock-hard fruitcake??)

PS- Greybear, you can be a member... you live in Texas, right? Can't be too far from Corsicana and the Collin Street Bakery. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 19, 1999.

Gayla Please! Remember the truce.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

I hope this works. Everyone else seems to be able to do it.

Oh Chris????, February 19, 1999.

Bummer! I'll get it yet!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 19, 1999.



-- (be@battle.stations), February 19, 1999.

Greybear has clarified the coathangers and socks questions, but what about those shoes? This is an Electronic Telegraph piece by Paul Sieveking, published about 18 months ago. (Sieveking? Is that one of our people?) To borrow from the immortal Dave Barry, I am not making this up.


ORNITHOLOGISTS in the Netherlands and Scotland, monitoring dead birds on both sides of the North Sea, have spent the last few months logging footwear washed up on the shoreline and have made a curious discovery: in Holland, many more left shoes than right shoes are washed up, while in Scotland the imbalance is the other way.

Kees Camphuysen's survey on the shores of the Dutch island of Texel found that 63.5 per cent of intact boots and shoes were for left feet, while Dr Martin Heubeck turned up 59.6 per cent right shoes on Shetland's shores. However, Dr Heubeck found that where only the soles remained, there were more left-footers on the east coast of Shetland than the west.

For many years all over the USA, old training shoes have been tied together and flung over telephone lines, where they sometimes dangle for years. Many suggestions have been advanced to explain the practice: draped sneakers might be the way gangs mark territory, memorialise a fallen comrade or simply torment someone who can be bullied. The fact is, however, that no one knows how the practice started or what it means.

Mike Clary, writing for the Los Angeles Times last March, asked various experts for their opinion. Solomon Davidoff, an instructor with the ethnic studies department of Bowling Green State University in Ohio, thought it might be a school-leaving ritual.

Doug Noverr, Professor of American Thought and Language at Michigan State University, said: "I think it reflects our throw-away culture. The shoes are always well-worn, never expensive, not worth keeping. A physical challenge could be involved. It may be a competition. You have a few beers and say, 'Let's go toss some shoes over the wire'."

Moira Smith, a folklorist at the University of Miami, said: "I remember asking students on a folklore course once what they knew about it, and some told me that the sneakers went up whenever someone lost their virginity or had a sexual conquest.

"But it could be an invented tradition, which is basically a mystery. People do it because they see other people doing it. And then people like us start thinking that there has to be a reason for it." None of the respondents had ever seen anyone throwing sneakers over a wire. "So maybe it's aliens," ventured Ms Smith.

A related mystery is the single shoe often found abandoned at the roadside. Where do they come from and why is there only ever one? "I have tried to imagine cyclists losing a shoe somehow and carrying on along the road regardless, wearing only one," writes K. G. F. Perry in a letter to the Evening Argus in Sussex. "Is there a nationwide Shoe Dropping Club, perhaps?" he asks.

My favourite shoe story concerns a woman's high-heeled shoe, crafted from fine brown leather, which was found 25,700ft up Mount Everest. Tseng Shusheng, an instructor with the Chinese Mountaineering Association, announced on February 28, 1980, that it had been found among oxygen gear and tent poles at an old British climbers' camp from the Twenties or Thirties, during the 1960 Chinese expedition in which he had taken part.

It is possible that the camp might have been made by Mallory and Irvine, last seen making for the summit at about 28,000ft in 1924.

A spokesman for the Alpine Club said: "At those altitudes, no climber would take anything that was not vital to the expedition." Lord Hunt, leader of the 1953 expedition, said the story was "impossible".

So who has the last laugh? Was it a holy man demonstrating his powers, a slip-up in the planetary teleport service or evidence of daredevil summit champagne toasters? And where is that shoe today?

Paul Sieveking is editor of Fortean Times


-- Old Git (, February 19, 1999.

Yep, the ol Bear doesn't live all that far from Freca (that's FRuitcake mECA). We all kneal down 6 times ever day and eat a piece of fruitcake while facing Corsicana.

Truth is we kneal down so the neighbors won't see use eating the fruitcake.

I am truly honored to be admitted to the FRL (dam I hope I got it right that time).'t I get a pin and secret decoder ring or at least a secret handshake. Oh yea, I just remembered. I gotta do some of the HI-cu first. Boy, I'm in trouble. Mama Bear forbids me to do anything that requires me to count beyond 10. Something about having to remove the boots.

--Greybear, seriously, I'm really gonna miss all you folks next year.

-- Greybear (, February 19, 1999.

Oh, Chris??? (Where's that slingshot?)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 19, 1999.

Chris: Hide. NOW. There is no stopping her this time, I can sense it.

Old Git: Get your head down - check six. (thanks for the post but the mystery of the shoes will have to wait - did I say wait? - should be really interesting to see what Robert makes of those lefts and rights)

-- Rob Michaels (, February 19, 1999.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!! (Momentarily forgetting about the fruitcake grenade and trying another weapon!!)

Oh, Chris?? Are you hungry my dear??

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 19, 1999.

Uh Gayla - you misspelled that one there: you must have the same number of G's and R's in a good ARGH.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 19, 1999.

No mysteries here for the knowledgable.

>Dutch found that 63.5 per cent of intact boots and shoes were for left feet, while Dr Martin Heubeck turned up 59.6 per cent right shoes on Shetland's shores.

Now this one is too obvious. The current must be running from North to South and more of the left shoes wanted to go to the left bank. (Shoes arent all that smart, you know)

>Dr Heubeck found that where only the soles remained, there were more left-footers on the east coast of Shetland than the west.

This minor statistical anomaly was troubling until I recalled a prayer used often in which we pray for all the "soles of the departed". Look like they are stopping off on that pony island to shuck off their shoes.

>all over the USA, old training shoes have been tied together and flung over telephone lines

I dont know about "all over the USA" but here in Texas we know what causes this situation. Its a bunch of miscreant Oklahomans (sorry about the redundancy) throwing their shoes up there to let them air out. (Buzzards have been known to pass out as far as 30 miles down wind.) If caught in the act they are given the death penalty. This is carried out by making them wear the said shoes around their neck and they willingly do themselves in.

>A related mystery is the single shoe often found abandoned at the roadside.

I thought for sure everyone knew about this. What do you think all the one-legged people in the world do with all those extra shoes? Carry them all the way home from the store?

>shoe story concerns a woman's high-heeled shoe, crafted from fine brown leather, which was found 25,700ft up Mount Everest

Someone one-legged person obviously *flew* back from the store.

-- Greybear, explainer of great mysteries

- Got Questions?

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

C'est la guerre!!

(those are flaming fruitcakes that I'm throwing!)

-- Chris (, February 20, 1999.

La guerre est une vache.

-- (peu@de.francais), February 20, 1999.

Now we at war no less! and in French!?!? Better get those Fruitcake retardent suits on folks, this could get ugly.

Hmmm, Gary will be on soon, time for some breakfast here in the NE. French Toast, anyone?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Dam, I didn't know I was going to get here just in time for a war.

And what are those Fruitcake Retardant suits?

Are those what retarded folks wear while eating fruitcakes.

WOW, I gotta get me one of those.

-- Greybear, all dressed up for the party, wearing the wrong thing again.

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

Greybear - Knower of the Mysteries of socks and hangers, Solver of the Shoes, and Seeker of The Suit

You don't have to go past ten at all. I can't count either past 4 or so, that's why I got this here 'puter - why, it can count really high, up to 99, before it starts having a little problem...

FWIW, Don't sweat the suit. Just Lay low until it's over - This has to run itself out now - nothing for it - Chris may be getting ready to counterattack too.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.


Ooops, I never meant to cause a war! Honest!

A simple suggestion to move out of an overcrowded situation (wise in view of what's coming, I thought), and the next thing I know, Rob is mad at Chris, Gayla's throwing fruitcake grenades and Greybear isn't sure whether to sign in or duct out (or me, either, truth be told - if I could do the neat things certain others can, I'd show you all a picture of me shaking in my mukluks as I type).

Now, Gayla, before we get carried away into a war that goes on for generations, lets discuss truce...HELP, here comes

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 20, 1999.

Of course, you know, this means WAR!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 20, 1999.

I just knew I should have made that left toin at Albukoique...

-- Kevin (, February 20, 1999.

Kevin: DUCK! We can't afford to loose you - there is a war on!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

I just looked up the word "vache" in my French to English dictionary and you are not going to believe this but the word means "cow"!

Chris (I think) has reverted to posting in French and is threatening to pitch cows at Gayla in the war. We must put a stop to this immediately and get to greener pastures!

p.s. Keep those heads DOWN - it ain't over yet.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Do you know what liable to happen when them there cows go overhead? Hint: think birds. Pigeons. Big pigeons. BIG pigeons. REAL BIG Pigeons. REAL BIG BIG Pigeons.

Now imagine little statues....real little statues....little, itty, bitty statues below those REAL BIG BIG Pigeons....get the picture?

But what if she misspelled it? Then we wouldn't know what was passing overhead......

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 20, 1999.

Na na, you missed me!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 20, 1999.

Robert: You may be right - it could be misspelleedd or she is still PWI. Could be that it is an expression in French too. Anybody know French? We need a translator, like the one we have for the stealth duckies to communicate with the Furbys.

Art Bell is still talking about UFO's (Undentified Fruitcake Objects), but here comes GARY now.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

In English we sometimes talk about female dogs. In French, it's female cows. Gary North just came on...later!

-- Kevin (, February 20, 1999.


Let me see if I understood, stood under, this communiokay ...

Lost socks => coathangers => left shoe or right shoe. Depending upon ones persuasion.

Hummn. Deep soul level reflections.

Zen and the art of gum on shoe. Nest pas? Or paws nest. Or ...


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 20, 1999.

I could help a bit with French translations. Used to be able to say "Hello, sailor" in eight languages, but I know more French words. A good insult is "vieux chameau" ["ve-YUH sha-MO") or "old camel." I don't know why an old camel should be so insulting, but then does anyone know why a female dog is? We use "cow" in England too.

I looked up fruitcake in my F/E dictionary, but couldn't find it. I guess we're stuck with "gateau de fruit" ("ga-TOE duh fru5-WEE") unless the true francophiles know a special word.

The elucidation on odd shoes is much appreciated. I was kinda hoping someone know about a foot fetishist on that 1930s Everest expedition. Whoever took it up there musta been a true fruitcake.

-- Old Git (, February 20, 1999.

Old Git,

I thought the mental images of Englishmen assulting Everst whilst carrying high-heeled slippers could not be improved upon.

I don't think Monty Python could do any better.

One of the constants I've observed is that "truth is stranger than fiction" and qutie ofter funnier.

DUCK, owwwwww. I just took a hit.

Don't know what is was. It was somekind of round brow amorphorous mass. Being that fruitcakes and cow pies are both being used as projectiles, I'm gonna hold off tasting this thing until further testing.

If it doesn't dry up, rot, and blow away in 6 months then I'll be pretty sure it's a fruitcake and safe to eat.

-- Greybear, wounded innocent bystander.

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

OK, Greybear. Here ya go:

-Got cow patties?

-- You asked for it! (hee@hee.hee), February 20, 1999.

Thanks a......load!

Sure, he's just a newbie FRLer so we can dump on him :)

-- Greybear

- Got TP?

ps, Great Cartoon (or whatever you call those, LMAO)

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

Time to stock-pile, er cow pile, fruitcake-resistant golashes (-1 sp).

Ya know, rubber boots, not beet gulashes. Goo-lashes?

(10 lashes with a wet noodle).

Got pasta?


P.S. Okay, I have to ask...

TRUCE TIME: Where are the HTML instructions on "how" to add animation to one's posts, Gayla & Chris? (And where do you find 'em?)

-- Diane J. Squire (, February 20, 1999.

SILeNCE!!!!! SIlenCE I SAY!!!! IS NoT ONE THREAD OF InSAnITY ENOUGH For you fools???? WHy musT YOU INfIDELS PoLLUTe THIS FoRUN WITH yoUR INFANTILe banterIng??????ENOUGH!!!!! SILENCE!!!! Why must you InSIST ON haVing Dieter wasTE HIS PROZaC?????? BEGONE!!!!!WHY????? Is iT HoT IN HEAR OR is it you????? HUSH NOW, AND BE FOOLISH NOmORE!!!!

-- Dieter (, February 20, 1999.

Oh, Dieter?? Here Dieter, Dieter, Dieter! I want to help you fulfill the first 3 letters of your name. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 20, 1999.


-- Deiter (, February 20, 1999.

Greybear, I think the high-heeled mountaineers were probably just vacationing Members of Parliament, with black lace teddies and red satin garters under their anoraks. As for Monty Python, Sweetie and I met because of the Dead Parrot sketch. And Sweetie's first gift to me was a rubber chicken (you can get REALLY fine ones, made by Spanish artisans, from Archie McPhee's catalogue). Anyway, I started thinking about the Python Holy Grail movie, you know, where the French soldiers were flinging cows about with gay abandon, and hurling insults like, "I fart in your general direction." Didja ever see that fish slapping dance on one of the shows? They just don't make 'em like that any more. Hope we can add enough solar panels to run the VCR and TV. . .

-- Nostalgic Old Git (, February 20, 1999.

Old Git,

ROTFLMAO, I'd forgotten that French line. At risk of being assulted by the francophiles: It is just too funny. "I fart in your general direction."

No AT you or ON you or any other sensible insult but "in your general direction"... TOO good. This is quality stuff. (Now that says a lot about Greybears humor, doesn't it?)

While we talking insults we need to trot out a few Irishmen. Now THERE were (are) some people who knew how to insult. They had a way with the insult that was pure poetry.

I think I just figured out that Dieter is trying a particular brand of humor. This scares me because I'm either beginning to see his humor or I'm going completely insane myself. (MaMa Bear says from the back ground that that particular question was setteled to her satisfaction many years ago.)

Anyway, try reading Deiter as a John Cleese type humor and there seems to be some consistency there. But then again it doesn't take all that much argument to convince most people that Cleese is insane too. My favorite was from Faulty Towers on the sign out front which changed for each episode: Farty Towels.

This is good stuff. This is the stuff that help me keep a little sanity in my life, even if it is for me gallows humor.

-- Greybear

-Got Towels?

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

In the same film: How about the line "I blow my nose at you" and the "Bring out your dead" sketch. Off to get some shrubs now, Rob.

BTW, Loved that Dead Parrott sketch but my all time favorite was Cleese doing the ROFL funny walks!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Greybear's sense of humor reminds me of Richard the Dale. I never quite could get it...are you british Greybear?

Dieter looks perfectly normal and sane on this forum.

Whoever said "la guerre est une vache" is right, in a sense. Never heard that expression said in french, but the literal translation is "war is a cow", and "vache" is used in french as "bitch" is, so that would translate into "war's a bitch". I agree.

If Gayla stops stealing my kewl graphic URL's, I'll call it a truce ;^) (I knew it was a mistake to teach her >;-) )

And I'll retract and apologize for what I said about Rob...he is not robeless, he has the most stunning bright red invisible robe, which matches his invisible red socks, both for the left foot.

-- Chris (, February 20, 1999.

Chris: I will accept your apoplexy, ewr, I mean apologee, uh apoology, uh, well I accept the refraction, - I mean retraction. Yes, that's it :)

Gayla: This is like vuja de all under agin! Chris has made a jester of piece, so how 'bout it? Can we end this war (we are depleting our socks, that is stocks, of non-fiat weapon-grade flaming fruitcakes). I apple to you to accept the truce in good-natured FRLian spirit. Whad'ya say?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Does this answer your question? It seems Ms. Chris accused me on another thread of stealing an answer. If she will take another look, she will see that it was posted by Rob. But then, she was probably just baiting (bating) me again. The war still rages! ;-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 20, 1999.


-- Dieter (, February 20, 1999.

Gayla: Now I am really confused - I know, I know, this is my default state. What did I post - I don't remember stealing anything! Are you accusing me of being a thief? What are you referring to?

-- Rob confused Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Gayla: Nevermind, I found it. Chris just thought you posted that one line instead of me. Please reconsider the truce, after all, many of us have done this at times, and it was a long night, with high-proof fruitcakes, and everyone needs to recover from all of the attacks.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 20, 1999.

Listen to Dieter howl!

Seems he has a twisted bowel.

Do I feel bad?

Best fun I've had!

Maybe he'll "throw in the towel!" :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 20, 1999.

I'm sorry, Dieter, but when I read your last post I saw you dressed in a British Army officer's uniform, with a baton under your arm, and you were saying, "That's enough of this silliness!"

Greybear, did you see this one:

Monty Python alumnus John Cleese was recently asked why England is superior to America. He gave the following three reasons:

1. English people can actually speak English.

2. When England hosts a world championship in sports, they actually invite other countries to compete.

3. When you are introduced to the British head of state, you only have to go down on one knee.

-- Highly Amused Old Git (, February 20, 1999.

Old Git, Cleees is jewel and thanks for passing that along. I have a personal problem dealing with his 3 observations (well 2 anyway, he's too right on #3).

Once again, I can't excatly speak for the rest of American since I'm Texan and most of the rest of America don't want us speaking for them anyway cause we cain't hardlee speak all that good when we try to talk English. Now, if you wanna talk about taklin Texan wekin talk a little. That is, we don;t make all that much claim to speakin English on out best days.

As to sports, hell, cain't hardly nobody outside Texas rodeo all that good anyway.


No I'm not now and don't think I ever remember being English (Closest I could get would be a bunch of Scotch and Irish fourbearers er forebars er bear foureers all hell kinfolk). It just seem appropriate that in a sentence about Englishmen one must "go local" and adopt the "correct" terminology, as it were, don't you see?

One of them double awntawnder things.

-- Greybear - nope, Texan now for 4 generations, and dumb enough to be proud of it.

-- Greybear (, February 20, 1999.

Greybear, I have some Texas connections. Sweetie is Texan and a bit of Kiowa; I lived in San Angelo for about a year and a half; and I once broke my little toe in Magnolia, dancing the polka with a long, tall Texan from Houston. Because I've lived in the southern US for so many years my accent is greatly softened and I've learned how to add extra syllables to almost any word. Never could cultivate a liking for grits, though. Now fruitcake is another story. . . That reminds me, remember the Python sketch, Spot the Loony? Think we could get that going here? Nah, too many loonies, huh.

And now for something completely Python:

-- Old Git (, February 20, 1999.

Tell you what Old Git. You print out the above post, sign and date it and I'll see to it that you can use it as a passport if you need to get back into Texas after the borders are locked down.

Anybody who has broke a tow in Magnolia is an honaray or at least honery cititzen.

-- Greybear, come to think of it - honery may be a *requirement*

ps, I HATE GRITS !! (but I fear I may have to learn to love them)

-- Greybear (, February 21, 1999.

Oh, Greybear, what a lovely thought! But a passport needs some sort of official crest on the front, you know, like the US passport with the eagle and shield, etc. May I suggest an oblong fruitcake, crossed with duct tape, red socks guardant and, rather than a helmet or crown topping all, one high-heeled, brown leather shoe? Do we have a motto? What's that one about something-something illegitimi carborundem (translates to "don't let the bastards get you down")? (The British one is "honi soit qui mal y pense" - "evil to him who evil thinks." We won't talk about "Dieu et mon droit" - "God and my right" - bit arrogant, that one.)

Could we have suggestions for a motto, please? Someone who's over-educated could translate it into Latin for us.

-- Old Git (, February 21, 1999.

What a marvelous idea.

We need to add coat hangers rampant. In another quadrant how about TP rolls statant. All on a field of pintos and rice. Of course bordered in a edging of yellow gold.

If the FRL decide to take this up, the only possbile motto would be Nemo Me Impune Lassesit, this is the motto on the Scottish National Flag (of course they know how to spell it). It translates to "you will not impune me without injury". I don't think they would mind if we borrowed it, that is if we ask nicely. It seems to capture the spririt of the FRLers.

Your basic idea is correct. Me thinks it shold probably be just a bar sinister, though, for the ol Bear just because of his attitudes. Most who know me well generally reffer to me as that "Crusty ol Bas**rd".

Old Git, this has real possibilities. BTW, on the motto you mentioned, I've always seen it a "Non Illigitimi Carborundem"

We may have to have different mottos for the various regiments amongst (there I go again) us.

For the regiment of Governmet watchers how about "Quis Custodit Ipso Custodit" - Who Watches the Watchers.

For the regiment who track the Morals in society today, how about "Sola Virtus Noblitat" - Virtue Alone Enobles

But for the overall national flag and seal of the FRL we need to think on this more. You've given us a good start.

I agree. Any other nominations out there?

-- Greybear, who, as if you couldn't tell, has studied Heraldry just a bit.

-- Greybear (, February 21, 1999.

Old git and Greybear:

I like the idea. The FRL already has a mascot - the groundhog - to symbolize that we are an underground movement. (You can see the image on the FRL thread). As far as a motto, I often use "Long Live Freedom" when giving formal FRL speeches and reports. That, I guess, has been our informal motto for the entire FRL movement, since it reflects our deeply help belief that we must protect our freedoms from any usurpation.

We don not have a coat-of-arms, which is in part what you both have been describing, and what you have come up with so far I think is great. Regarding the various different regiments, yes, we have the stealth duckys for amphibious Ops, who also coordinate with the stealth geese for air OPs and support - not to mention the beavers, muskrats, and now the cows. Keep up the good work.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 21, 1999.

Since we have an armed government, armed enemas, armed neighbors, we might as well have armed coats. Or maybe an Army of Coats (beware - they'll cover you up). Marching legions of armed coats - hmmm, we'll have to arm them, of course, with deadly stealth fruitcakes. The can all be attended by a legion of camp followers of socks and coat hangers. oh yeah, and rubber chickens.

Where is L. Frank Baum when you need him?

-- Greybear, H.M., T.E., whos feeling very martial today. That's m-a-r-t-i-a-l not martian (that's only ever third Tuesday).

- Got Degrees?

-- Greybear (, February 21, 1999.

The question is, do we have arms for that coat? Or is it sleeveless? Anyway, I prefer a crossbow and arrows myself. Ancient tradition.

And dont forgit a candle, to light our way. (And singe the pretenders, even to light the wood stoves. Multiple uses.)


-- Diane J. Squire (, February 21, 1999.

All done laughing and crying, (and swiping cooooool animated graphics). Here's a latin phrase suitable for a coat of arms:

Credo quia absurdum est.(I believe it because it is absurd)

I'll post the code for images, pronto...or you can right click on the post and then click on view source. THEN (tee hee) you can hunt for the HTML syntax, memorize, and use to make all the anal retentive posters nuts!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 21, 1999.

Donna, doesn't "anal retentive" have a hyphen?

-- Chuckling Old Git (, February 21, 1999.

Here's my Paul Milne impersonation.

-- Burnt toast (hee@hee.hee), February 21, 1999.

I wasnn't reading close enough (again) and thought you said you were "gonna make all the anal-retentive *toasters* nuts". You really had my interest tweaked there for a moment. -sigh-

If the Bear can figure out how to steal that toaster graphic he thinks he may change to the permanent tag line "We're toast, I tell ya, we're all toast", with the graphic.


Naaa, have too much fun with the variable tag line.

-- Greybear

- Got Jam?

-- Greybear (, February 21, 1999.

Using HTML code to add graphics to your posts.

Okay. I'm putting this code in brackets but you must use left and right arrows just like for any other code statement. First you must know the file name of the graphic file, forinstance- something.gif, if it is a gif file. Then you must know the URL file location of the must exist on some web site. The code is:

[img src=""]

Now to see if it works for me.

You know, Old Git,...took me waaaay too long to "git" that you were providing me with anal retentive example with your hyphen comment. I gotta decrease my thorazine dosage.

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 21, 1999.

Look what I just found!!!

Fruitcake Follies Contest

I'm a gif pirate going waaaaay back. I should look at my old file archives, a lot of great animated gifs. Thought everyone might appreciate the fruitcake though. BTW,...the site with the Fruitcake Follies Contest also has a game, something with snowflakes, and all you can do to defeat them is lob fruitcake at them...Love those synchronicities! Didn't play the game. You need Shockwave plug-in to play it....Enjoy!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 21, 1999.

Caramba! Screwed up the URL on the graphic...Take TWO!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 21, 1999.

Donna, you didn't type out the entire name of the gif. Lets see if this works. Perfect brick-shaped fruitcake btw, I propose we adopt it as our official FRL ammo of choice.

-- Chris (, February 21, 1999.


-- Dieter (, February 21, 1999.

Doh! ROFL!! wrong gif :-D


-- Chris (, February 21, 1999.

IS DIEtER SO FOOLISH AS to tRy aGain?????

-- Dieter (, February 21, 1999.

Oh my DIEteR! Your diet must be working, you're rather skinny on that picture.

-- Chris (, February 21, 1999.


I second the motion for that official fruitcake!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 21, 1999.

This is SO cool! One big happy family....

Sniff.... even Dieter showed himself.... sniff... OK, I'll call off the war! :'-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 21, 1999.

This is a great moment in FRLian History, The war is over! Thanks Gayla. And also thanks to those who posted the "how to" do these way cool images.

Gang: When we start a thread we never really know how it is going to turn out or where it is going to go. Sound familiar, huh? Anyway, I just want to say that in this here particular thread, we have outdone, or indone, or undone ourselves. Wow! Long live the FRL and our Fruitcake Freedoms!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 21, 1999.

Is it really safe to come back?

My computer still hiccups from that hit with a wandering fruitcake.

Peace at last!

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 21, 1999.

FRL brings sanity to Planet Earth!

Power to the fruitcakes! (and a great animated .gif for the stealing) There should be a red X on the spinning cube saying: You Are Here!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 22, 1999.



Now that the war is over we must get back to what brought us all together in the first place - the Know Your Fruitcake proposal. It has come to my detention that there are only another two weeks left in the comment period. Let us remain wigilant in our solemn duty to protect our Fruitcake Freedoms. Remember the cow and what is at steak! We are all that stand between this exemplification of iniquity and our Fruitcake Freedoms.

As a result of this, I am motioning the BORED for the immediate mobilization of the Stealth Geese regiment to drop informational Bio-degradable GeeseLeaflets to help infirm the public. During the OP, which is expected to run, or walk, or fly, for the reminder of the weak, the Stealth Rubber Duckys shall be held in preserve in case of a Fruitcake Emergency.

Please comment on or second this motion. that is being entertwined.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

Python fans -

Sorry I missed that part of the thread. Thought you all might enjoy this:


(A MAN appears on the battlements. ARTHUR addresses him.)


MAN 'Allo. Whoo is eet?

ARTHUR I am King Arthur and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?

MAN This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.

ARTHUR Please go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for this night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

MAN Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's already got one, you see?


GALAHAD He says they've already got one!

(They are stunned.)

ARTHUR Are you sure he's got one?

MAN Oh yes. It's very nice



THE TAUNTER (MAN) turns to some others.

MAN I told him we already got one.

(They all giggle.)

ARTHUR Well... can we come up and have a look?

MAN Of course not! You are English pigs.

ARTHUR Well, what are you then?

MAN I'm French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king.

GALAHAD What are you doing in England?

MAN Mind your own business.

ARTHUR If you will not show us the Grail we shall storm your castle.

(Murmurs of assent.)

MAN You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English K...kaniggets.

(He puts hands to his ears and blows a raspberry.)


Ah, memories of Black Knights ("I'll bite your legs off!"), Riddles at the Bridge of Death ("What is your favorite color?" "Blue! No, Yelllloooooowwwww! AAAAAAGGGGHHH!") and so on...

-- Mac (, February 22, 1999.

Hey, Mac! He's blue, will he do?

Donna, I can't see a red X. Does that mean I'm not anywhere? And how come your earth is square?

Rob, what aren't we voting on anyway?

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 22, 1999.

Good heavens, this thread has my battered old 486 chuntering away! Its hard disk is ailing and all these graphics are straining it to its limits--the grinding noises are frightening. Now I have to reboot to look at the rest of the forum, otherwise everything will crash all over the place. Gonna have to leave ya to it.

A couple of last notes--I LOVE fruitcake, especially the kind with copious quantities of dark Jamaican rum, turbinado sugar, and all that candied and dried fruit, and there's one from Christmas before last sitting in my fridge--oooooh the aroma! But I can only eat a crumb at a time, literally, cos I've got diabetes now! (All together now, "Awwwwww, POOR old git!") So I feel like a bit of a fraud. (Okay, okay, I know, if I go to the White House I'll find plenty of frauds.) Now, I hope y'all have a copy of Python's Holy Grail to see you through Y2K. We've got the complete collection of Fawlty Towers as well. A show or two of Python and Cleese stuff ought to be good for some sort of barter. Just don't try and swap me a fruitcake for it. . .

-- Old Git (, February 22, 1999.


Gayla: Are your sure you don't see it :)

We are voting to send out the stealth geese to drop GeeseLeaflets taht will infirm the folks about the KYF proposal. Anyone second the motion?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

Thank well...thank Rob. I've been wandering around all day wondering where I was. Now I know. That X did the trick for me, now I know I'm here.

That earlier thing had me worried. Thought if was a Borg ship out of control. Didn't think we could combat them with fruitcakes.

As for voting, my vote is a hearty YES. I do now and always have voted for droping geeselets, gooselets, or anything else.

An aside for a real story. I actually did participate in an air drop once. While living in Alaska I had friends go on a 7 day raft trip. I saw the pilot about 3 days after he had taken them out. He said they got off OK except there was confusion and they had gotten off without BEER.

I called a friend pilot. We equiped ourselves appropriately and located the unfortunate ones on the river. We dropped a note telling them what we were goin to do the we airdropped 4 six packs one a time in the river close to them. Yes, it can be done from a Cub at low level flying very slow. A few cans burst but enough survived. One of the funniest sight I've ever seen was one guy trying to swin to the cargo before it sank (they were pretty desperate).

So YES lets drop some leafettes or goosletts. Question: shold they have flyleafs?

-- Greybear, who now has to go somewhere else and will be lost again.

-- Greybear (, February 22, 1999.

Uh...Gayla,...isn't your earth a cube? Dang wrong exit on transport, again! I hate when that happens...Must recalibrate.

BTW, I'm donating my matter/antimatter transporter to the FRL. Feel I must.

Thanks for the "X", Rob. I'm not posting another animated gif in deference to those with "old" PCs. I know they add to the load time.

Limericks. Fruitcake. Power. These words could be used (in latin of course) on the coat of arms. Hey, I wrote some music some time ago entitled, "Dawn on Loon Lake". Might be adaptable for a league anthem. Think about it.

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 22, 1999.


-- Dieter (, February 22, 1999.

Dieter,...your gif was cute but you're being pesty.

Go play in traffic!

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 22, 1999.

Attention FRL - THE OP IS GO

Greybear , Knower of the Mysteries of Socks and Hangers, Solver of the Shoes, Finder of The Suit, and Deliverer of Emergency Beer has seconded the motion - In gratitude, and due to his extensive experience dropping things from relatively high places, He is hereby appointed Theatre Commander for the Op.

Operation "FLYLEAF" is Go beginning at Oh 3 hundred Local. I am transmitting mission objections and operational parameters now over the secure line - Geese shall squawk on Charlie Band via S.O.B's ethernet radiation wave band digitized transfer systems directly from Mother Goose OPFRLGEESE/022219990300 in the field to OP HQ.

Field Marshals Tricia and S.O.B., and Commander Greybear are requested (time permitting) to provide any and all Interim Reports to the FRL on this thread.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

AS YoU WISH!!!! WiLL YOU GIVe DIETER MATcHES ALSO?????? WOuLD IT NOT BE GoOD for dieter to run inTo this plAying strEEt witH a knife in Dieters haNd???? DIETER WILL GO SuLK NOW!!!!

-- Dieter (, February 22, 1999.

Poor Dieter!

I don't know, but this doesn't look like a stealth goose to me.

Rob, thanks for the X, I was worried there for a minute. Poor Old Git can't come play any more. Silly Old Git, get yourself a new Y2K (FRL) compliant computer!! :-) Think of what fun you could have using the old one for target practice. (Did you see that old thread?) What am I asking him for, he just said he wasn't coming back in here????

-- Gayla Dunbar (, February 22, 1999.

Venus and Jupiter tonight align,

Tomorrow also the same sign,

Flying in the sky

Look way up high,

Stealth geese in formation fine.

GeeseLeaflets dropping,

Operation "Flying leaf",

Know Your Fruitcake Folks!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

I have;t seen any geese here yet. I don't know what flu i've got, but my tyipin is goehn. I think I's better give up!!!

Mayeb the bad gutys are bonbing with mispelletrs. Bye for now.

-- Tricia the Cancuk (, February 22, 1999.

Last dam time I vote yes on anything. "No" has always worked best for me. Thas what I get for being agreeable. Harummmph!

That's NOT a stealth goose. Once again your just one keystroke off. That's a stealth Moose (subspecie Chocalus). If it were a stealth goose it might look more like a moose, you silly goose. (does that count as HI-cu?)

I have been doing some studing. I think I have discovered Dieter secret. He's secretely sending Morse code with his caps lock key. (Unfortunately he's also typing regular messages at the same time.)



By the authorozine wested in me I hereabouts erpoint Dieter as Communications Seargent in charge of stealth communications. We will hens firth try to get him a regular morse code key or a moose card key or a key to a mooses car.

/signed/ Greybear, H.M, T.E grand high mukeede muck

Now where did I put that bottle of thorazine?


Classified Add Section

WANTED: One toga, must be in good condition also laurel wreath size XXL.

Contact GB at BR-549


-- Greybear (, February 22, 1999.

This is to Old Git and anybody else who's disk is making noise when accessing messages and site with graphics....

There is no problem. It is not hurting your computer. The reason you are hearing noise from your disk is that the server you are connected to is updating the graphics file regularly.

The annoyance is with a slower processor that the messages with graphics will load VERY slow. If you are running 486 this will be pronounced.

To all of us on the forum....we can be restrained in our posting of gifs and animated gifs...that will help....Another thing that will help is to start a new thread. I love putting graphics on posts...but I have not in months and months...people with slower PCs hate it. Maybe that is a plus for us,...with the exception of you, Old Git.

-- Donna Barthuley (, February 22, 1999.

Greybear: Studing?

p.s. First ting ya learn in the army - never wolunteer for anything! :) Please report by tomorrow night (if you can) how many GesseLeaflets the geese loosed -Highest Priority target is Banks . Good Luck. We know you will do your FRLian duty and infirm the people in time.

Donna: Uh, well, did you say "new thread"? That's why we came to this one from the other! The original has over 400 answers and who would have thunk it - over a hundred posts to this new one in just a few days and already it;s Slow As ____.

Gang: Anyone know where S.O.B. or RC are?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

y,y,y me?

And it would have to be in the same dam post where I goad somebody else about being one letter off !!!


BESIDES, I am now komander in charge of Field Operations and will not be tolerated by disconsensions in troops. QUIET.

We are in a VERY top level, highly secret planning session for our mission.

The guards are armed - with coats. All of my camp followers and hangers on will sock it to you if you do not obey. They wiil not let anyone pass who does not have biniss here. So be prepared to show you papers.

Do NOT think you can overthrow me or my rump committee. I HAVE the power. Take care or you may wake up some morning with you house and yard completly cover with flyleafs!

-- General Greybear, resistance is fue-tile.

-- Greybear (, February 22, 1999.

Greybear: That's it! ATTITUDE - Knew you had it in you, or on you, or besides you, or, well, Give 'em Hell Commander.

Tricia: The GeeseLeaflets have not started frying in your era, and you know bitter than to tink you'll see the geeses (they're stealth, remember, they have a radar cross signature that's wirtually non-exusutent). So, don't worry, rest and get bitter - maybe Field Marshalls Leska and Ashton can help out in the Northern era.

Gang: I am wery, wery. concerned about Tricia and her typing flu. Maybe she read too many Dieter posts or maybe this is a new refrain of the alphabet stew flu - looks violent, uh, viralint, uh, viruslint, uh..... Uh oh, its kathnig, I mean cathign, AAARRRGGGHHH!

-- Rob Michaels (, February 22, 1999.

Dam, Dam, Damn. I was hopink that a power mad despot might get overthrown. Now I gotta go make REAL plans to drop all the flyleaves.


No, you use des pot rite over here.

-- Greybear (, February 22, 1999.

Greybear, I figured out how to get you to haiku without counting past 10. Use 3 lines. In first, put 5 syllables(?); in second, put 7; in third, put 5. ....

This is easier

You can do it if you like

Haiku for dummies.

.... (How do you think Unc taught me??)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 23, 1999.

See Donna - he spelled ARGH with equal numbers of R's and G's. Now, if I could ever learn to spell Koskiekins's name the same way twice....

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 23, 1999.

The fellow's name is spelled "Rumplestilskoskinin"

-- SPELLIT (, February 23, 1999.

<< Use 3 lines. In first, put 5 syllables(?); in second, put 7; in third, put >>5.

Hatchoo. Excuse me, instructions:

From above, slightly modified.

In first, put five notes,

In second,place seven more,

In third, add five more.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 23, 1999.

Tricia is better,

I am much better also,

no more typing flu.

Ok. That's my Haiku for the day, Now on to beeswax. Does anybody have a status on how the geese are doing with their droppings in Operation FLYLEAF?

-- Rob Michaels (, February 23, 1999.

Robert and Rob have

Written haiku very well

Greybear where is yours?

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 24, 1999.

Okay then here's the trick,

Be bold. Make a limerick

A haiku -

Hachoo -

So the rhyme will stick.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 24, 1999.

Tricia: Greybear is running an OP and evidently is taking his reponsibility very seriously and laying low.

Hmmm. No news regarding OPERATION FLYLEAF. Commander GreyBear must be enforcing a strict communications blackout. Maybe we will hear something tomorrow.

When the day is done,

Relaxing, humorous, thoughts,

Thankfulness given.

Anyone else getting almost continual "Server Too Busy" lately? And what's happened to RC and S.O.B. - haven't seen any new threads or posts from them for quite a while now.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 24, 1999.




-- Dieter (, February 24, 1999.

Dieter asks if it is cool,

concern for others is the rule,

suppose the 'other', dieter, was you,

would you lasugh or just boo hoo,

no, i don't think you a're a fool.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 24, 1999.

A call to arms! Uh, err, identifying help -- Over here:

Rick Cowles Speaks in Maryland

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (, February 25, 1999.

Gang: Commander Greybear has made his preliminary report. It seems that the OP is going well with the exception of losing COM Sgt. Dieter who is AWOL after being threatened with being shot out of a cannon. All field officiers have not yet reported in either, so we must wait a bit longer for Commander Greybear's retort.

We do know that Large Goose Droppings were retorted to have hit the stock and bond markest and banking areas in New York, Chicago, and Philadelphia yesterday, as well as some era's that are over c's.

-- Rob Michaels (, February 26, 1999.

Morning at Costco Afternoon spent at Walmart Where did paycheck go?

from Libby who's desperately trying to organize an increasingly crowded basement...

-- Libby Alexander (, February 26, 1999.

That was supposed to be my Haiku contribution. 3 lines.

Morning at Costco/

Afternoon spent at Walmart/

Where did paycheck go?

News flash: Geese sighted over Capitol building this afternoon. Fruitcake stock reported to have soared on stock market.

-- Libby Alexander (, February 26, 1999.

Guesunheit Libby

So sorry you hatchoo'ed

It's contangious.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (, February 26, 1999.

Guesunheit, Robert, obviously you were right.


Alphabet flu strikes again,

Writing a post quietly when,

without warning

(p.m. or morning)

It's limericks and haiku, then

-- Tricia the Canuck (, February 27, 1999.

(Remember, Lon, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery)

There stands a dim figure, peering through the fog and balancing a silvery blob on one hand...

"Where did all my friends go? One minute laughing and playing and lobbing duct-taped fruitcakes, now no smiles in sight. I'm gonna try that brandy trick I overheard Chris talk about; maybe this thing is edible after all."

-- Tricia the lonely Canuck (, March 03, 1999.

Hi Tricia. Don't be lonely, our fellow FRLians have all been so busy with the latest news and everything. Things will get back to abnormal soon - I just no it.

I have an important question to ask youz guyz. Today I went out and bought Mrs. Michaels a gift - but I think I may have gotten 'taken' so to speak and I haven't given it to her yet - not until I get some advice.

You see, she likes plants, so I went to this garden supply place and bought her some nice plants. The lady who works there called them "two lip" plants. Well, when I got home and took a goodly look at 'em, why, they didn't have two lips. I couldn't find any lips on them at all! None. Didn't have any nose or ears either. So what I was thinking is to kinda fix 'em up a bit - you know, put lips on 'em. I can cut up and scrunch some duct tape and make the lips that way - two of 'em. What do you think? Sound reasonable?

-- Rob Michaels (, March 03, 1999.

Go for it, Rob. Of course, she might not let you onto the net again this weekend, but the look on her face at seeing duct tape lips on her two-lips, that would surely be worth it!

(where's that hyena gif?)

-- Tricia the Canuck (, March 03, 1999.

Thanks Tricia, I needed that. I'll work on it tomorrow. YIKES! It already is tomorrow - uh, I mean today, but wasn't it just today yesterday? I better get some sleep now. Oh, BTW, I don't think it's a good idea to post anymore gifs on this here thread - Old Git still has her whip and won't be happy :)

offline, Rob

-- Rob Michaels (, March 04, 1999.

Rob, you're going to get banished to the car again! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (, March 04, 1999.

This must be included in the great and wonderful FRLian Treads!

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, September 24, 1999.

Ashton and Leska,

Are you aware that you have been given a special "award"? Check it out. You know where to look!

-- (, September 25, 1999.

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