My ninety- two year old grandmother is a retired teacher .She didn't receive her retirement check in November and says she's NEVER had a problem with her check before. She called to ask about it and was told "we have no idea what happened to your check." She is switching to direct deposit .. I didn't have the heart to tell her about Y2K .We will just take care of her when the time comes.

-- (Littlesister@yahoo.com), November 24, 1998

Answers

I don't understand why she feels direct deposit is safer/more reliable. Unless the check was stolen from the mailbox.

Check onthat type of "fraud" - there should be a way to determine if it was cashed, and when. Did she get a replacement?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 24, 1998.

Littlesister: You call them and find out what happened. 'We have no idea" is not an answer. Talk to the person in charge until you get one. Regarding direct deposit vs. U.S. mail - remember that both involve a series of steps where a single point of failure could happen.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 24, 1998.

Or it could be the US Mail bungled up. In my writing jobs I have to follow certain steps

1. Contract is sent to me for me to sign

2. I sign the contract and send it back to the publisher

3. They send me the check

Due to the three step process, I am more than familiar with lost mail. Where it ends up I have no idea. About every other month though something goes wrong in one of the three steps. Is this only recent? Nope...been doing this for many years now.

Rick

-- Rick Tansun (ricktansun@hotmail.com), November 24, 1998.

If Grandmama's check was stolen, you could also consider getting a box at the Post Office as opposed to direct deposit.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), November 24, 1998.

" I am more than familiar with lost mail. Where it ends up I have no idea. "

I think it goes to the same place that some socks go after you put them in the dryer.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 25, 1998.

I know about dryer gnomes, what I'd like to know is where do teaspoons go? 8-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), November 25, 1998.

As far as where do the socks go that you put in the dryer--I will let you onto the gremlins secret. Every once in a while, just for fun, they put an EXTRA sock into the dryer and rotfl when you try to find the LOST sock. Go ahead, count the socks you put in the dryer and see if I am not right.

-- Roberta Blackard (roblackard@juno.com), November 27, 1998.

Roberta: ROFLMAO.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 27, 1998.

Roberta, you're right! And they must be the same as the spoon gremlins because I just found a spoon that I know isn't mine instead of one of the set 8-)(

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), November 28, 1998.

Tricia, Girlfriend,,,,tell me that spoon was not in the dryer.

-- consumer (private@aol.com), November 28, 1998.

"Go ahead, count the socks you put in the dryer and see if I am not right. "

Laundry today. 10 socks in, 11 out. The odd one was really bright red too. How do you loose a really bright red one? Roberta, you must be correct...unless...the gnomes are remediateing the chips in the darn thing.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 28, 1998.

My laundry today. 10 socks in. 9 out. 1 was really bright red. Tricia, I do believe you may have my sock...

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), November 28, 1998.

Christine: That's My Sock, not Tricia's. She is having trouble with spoons. Now... I want my really bright red sock back.....please?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 28, 1998.

Rob - I will trade you one red sock for one pre-1990 fruitcake (i have hear they are a little sturdier). if you can't do that, i am in need of turkey bones (i don't eat turkey, so i am seriously lacking). otherwise, i plan to use the sock, in conjunction with a really long stick, as a sort of flag. not sure why, just want to be prepare. otherwise, it will make a really good marble bag.

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), November 28, 1998.

WHAT? Give up my pre 1990 fruitcake? (how did you know?!?!) Never! How will I defend myself? Now, turkey bones.... yeh, that would be ok....they are even Fresh. How's that sound. Fresh turkey bones for my really bright red sock?

Ain't barter fun?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 28, 1998.

Hey, you guys! This thread is about Grandmama's missing CHECK, not sock and spoon! :-) Have you ever played the game where you tell the person sitting next to you something, then they tell the next person, etc.? By the time you get to the end of the line, it is TOTALLY different! (Can't remember the name of the game....) Anyway, that's what some of these long threads remind me of. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), November 28, 1998.

Gayla: I think it's called a police report with more than four witnesses. :-o OK, I'll behave. Sorry grandmama. Read my serious response and you will see I meant well.

Night All.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 28, 1998.

I'm not fussing at you, Rob. I enjoy the humor. I'm guilty of doing the same thing on many threads. I just thought it was funny how we went from a missing check to missing socks and spoons. Then onward to fruitcakes and turkey bones???

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), November 28, 1998.

Someday we will find the lost valley of the Aztecs - and it will be filled to the brim with lost socks and underwear.

-- Paul Davis (davisp1953@yahoo.com), November 29, 1998.

Wellll...both have "missing" in 'em; and bones ryhmes with spoons, sort of.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 29, 1998.

The game is called telephone. At least, that's what we called it. Rob - a deal. Also, another place we might find missing spoons, socks and checks - Atlantis. Which, incidentally, might not be a bad place to live post y2k. There would be plenty of hydropower, and one could live off of fish and kale. Anyone interested in starting community there?

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), November 29, 1998.

I think grandma has the missing red sock. Maybe the check is stuffed in there along with a spoon. Otherwise, have 'em write another check, and cash it. Then bake more fruitcakes with the proceeds and double the money.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), November 29, 1998.

Gayla: They started it up again, and I am weak.

OK..... When I left last night we had grandmama's check, spoons, gremlins, gnomes, turkey bones, and my really bright red missing sock.

I check the thread now and what do I see? Fruitcake!

Not to mention fish, kale, Atlantis, the Aztecs, and underwear.

I can't wait to see if 60 minutes picks up on any of this stuff.

Maybe they will have a fruitcake commercial or someone will be wearing my missing really bright red sock. See ya later!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 29, 1998.

Rob - I sent the sock to you, but amazingly enough (and just as you predicted) Mr. Olmstead had the sock on. Sorry. I was surprised though, to NOT see, Tricia's spoon. A little known fact is that spoon playing is second only to guitar playing in bad folk music.

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), November 29, 1998.

Christine: LOL.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 29, 1998.

But if you "checked" the thread you would have found the sock or been able to weave a new one - unless it was solid red and not plaid - but that can't be because you couldn't get your foot into a solid sock - so it has to be hollow - which is why the spoon fits it - hence the phrase - born with a silver spoon in his mouth - except it was her spoon so it could not have worked out that a way....

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 29, 1998.

Robert:

spoons and bones? We will have to ask Uncle or Hardliner.

BTW, It was a solid really bright red missing sock.

Can we petition the powers that be for a new emoticon: ROFL in a flame retardent suit? (it's hard to type in this thing since I haven't taken it off from the other thread - although all the posts were so fast I don't think the flame had my name on it after all)

.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 29, 1998.

ROFLAO. Just when I was feeling so depressed I vowed I would have to quit visiting this forum, you folks come up with the much needed laughter to get me started on another week. Truly laughter IS the best medicine (even if Reader's Digest did wimp out on us).

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your great wit and sense of fun.

If life ain't fun, it ain't worth living.

-- Lois Knorr (knorr@attcanada.net), November 29, 1998.

Well of course - just ask Sir Richard of the Dale - with an English accent I'm sure you could pronounciate "boney spoons" properly so'd they rythme - rythm - rymeded - rhtyem'ed - rthymned - rimed .....

GAYLA - how do spell that??!@#$%^&*() word?????

Now, I only have two sock drawers - one for white socks, one for black socks. That way I can pick any two socks from either drawer and be sure of getting a match. (Folding cloths is sort of like cooking - to be avoided at all costs in the interest of simplicity and efficiency.) So why do my two black socks not match?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 30, 1998.

Just stop washing them with the white ones.

Any thoughts on the emoticon paragragh?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 30, 1998.

I'm with Lois, humour is what enables me to face the week.

As for emoticon = rofl in flame retardent suit, [:)] is as close as I could get.

BTW, is there any best method for the preservation of fruitcake&bones?

Also, i have seven non-matching black socks, ten white and several of various colors. Any takers?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), November 30, 1998.

First dibs on the black socks (sox?)......they'll match something in the drawer. Bring 'em to Unk Dee's party.

No - I don't wash black socks with white socks - black socks get washed with bluejeans and other black socks, then they all get dumped back in the black sock drawer. White socks get washed with tsirts and white socks - then they all get dumped in the white sock drawer.

So every black sock only associates with black socks, and every white sock only associates with white socks, and they can't get lost because very black sock is exactly like every other black sock - so how come they don't match? Each brother in each pair can't get separated -they're not pairs - they're all mixed together in the dryer - and they all go in the same drawer.

So they have to be androgyous, unless they clone.....

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 30, 1998.

Robert Cook, your socks are racist! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), November 30, 1998.

No, practical.

If they were racist they would have a little red or blue or green stripes aound the top, and a number on the side, and they would be covered with decals and advertisments all over them .... and I would sail a lot faster than I do.

Except the black socks - they would have all be number 3's, and they would p**s off all the other white socks with all the other numbers, they would all jump around and make noise at night doing laps around the blue jeans, and that would cause a comotion.....so I know they're not racist socks cuase none of that happens. I think.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 30, 1998.

If you have a drawer full of blue and green socks how many do you have to pull out to make a pair (note the use of blue and green). One for Jean. There is an parallel universe where all the odd socks go. They in turn have the same problem, the Post Office sorting office is the gateway between the two. No-one else knows what happens inside.

Anyone heard of Daleks.

-- Richard Dale (rdale@figroup.co.uk), November 30, 1998.

Wellll, assuming you don't care whether you're wearing blue or green, then you need at least three with only two choices in there.

But you're assuming that there really are blue and green socks present - in this universe, the green ones are alternately leaving to go someplace else - therefore there is a probablitity that all the green socks are someplace else as mismatched pairs to the solid red socks .... so when you pull three blue socks you're going to get a mismatched pair of two bluwe and one odd one, and besides, regardless of which sock you pull out first, your wife will tell you get the other color because it doesn't match the shirt, the pants, the other shirt, her dress, or something.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 30, 1998.

Tricia: [:)] is close enough. Now how about emoticons for:

a. Hiding under something large with an asbestos shield

b. Sleeping all night in the flame retardant suit

Littlesister: Any luck with the missing check?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), November 30, 1998.

Richard, add some red socks to your blue and green ones. You'll be ready for the holidays and have a flashy new barter item.

(Stash fruitcakes in the red socks, they stay fresh longer, as long as you don't wear the red socks).

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), November 30, 1998.

Tricia, you can't find your spoons because they must have run off with my forks! Is there some kind of law? Spoons and forks get lost but knives seem to multiply?

-- Sue (deco100@aol.com), December 01, 1998.

...and the cow jumped over the moon.

Now, where did I put that goose's mother? See Craig, that's the problem when you email all those Canadianian stealth geese down here - when they lay the golden egg - you never can find it.

But when they lay the 'brown egg" - boy can you find it!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 01, 1998.

Let's see... Knives that can mulyiply, fruitcake stored in socks, and now goose eggs....brown ones and missing golden ones no less. What next? A beanstalk?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 01, 1998.

The thread has finally gotten back on the Y2K track.

After all, this whole problem is about two big goose eggs:

00

:-D

-- Elbow Grease (Elbow_Grease@AutoShop.com), December 01, 1998.

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the fork ran away with the spoon

for heaven's sake, the fruitcake was stored by mistake next to the goose and a loon

its soon, said the loon and with the fruitcake shot a raccoon alas, our weapon has been used too soon

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 01, 1998.

okay, how come my lines never turn out right?

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 01, 1998.

My missing sock is really bright red,

and yes , i did look under the bed,

nowhere to be found,

got my fruitcake and hound,

'to the dryer downstairs', a voice said.

The gremlins and gnomes,

well you know they weren't home,

but there was a spoon,

a goose and a loon,

and even some fresh turkey bones.

How did these get in the dryer,

my questioning mind did inquire,

they weren't there before,

I know it for sure,

you know that I'm not a liar,

I'm telling you true,

that now I feel blue,

with only one sock,

I'll install a lock,

so it can't get away too!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 01, 1998.

Littlesister, did Grandmama's cheque ever arrive? I hope both you and she are doing well.

-- Tricia the Canuck (Jayles@telusplanet.net), December 02, 1998.