OT - Fruitcake III

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

For those who lose FC11 in the shuffle, who are finding it too long to load or who simply don't know to check the recent answers page - here it is!

FC2 found at http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=000hxd

PS, Rob, this still doesn't mean you get to give up being our fearless leader!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 27, 1999


Gayla, Welcome Home! Glad you enjoyed your trip. It sounds more like a marathon than a holiday to me - do you ever want to see the inside of a car again? ;-)

BTW, Robert, what IS that Judy file bit?

Am I forgiven for not awaiting a vote for the new thread?

-- Tricia the Cnauck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 27, 1999.

What new thread? I got some new trousers the other day - do they count in the new thread?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 27, 1999.

Technically, FC11 needs to wait until FC3-10 are completed,; aka FCII-FCX.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 27, 1999.

What's this? A new thread already? And I am still the leader? This isn't fair! Someone else should be the leader. I have had two turns, uh, I mean terms, and now should be someone else's term - or turn. Isn't it illegal to have three terms, besides I am always getting my terms mixed up, Remember the en, ene, enem, OH nevermind!

-- Rob X-leader Michaels?????? (sonofdust@com.net), May 27, 1999.

Rob, you're the greatest, and I'm NOT just kissing up!! :-)

Hi Tricia! It's good to be back. There sure are a lot of new names (posters) since I left. I hope all of the FRLians find this thread. Hey, whatever happened to the circus? Oh Donna....

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), May 28, 1999.

Rob, did I see you were recruiting terns for additional stealth air power??


-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), May 28, 1999.

No, you couldn't have see him recruiting any terns for stealth air shows - they're internally stealthy, and are hence and thnce invisible. Actually, I guess you take turns seeing him recruiting terns for the steath air power shows (as long as you gave the turns you took back after you were finished taking them because otherwise you'd run out of turns and have to fly straight), but you couldn't see what he was recruiting for the stealth air shows, and then you obviously couldn't see the stealth air show after the terns took their turn treating you to a stealth air show - if the terns in the stealth air show actually did take turns making turns around the stealth air show.

Because if they didn't take turns around the stealth air show, then the terns would have to fly straight and wouldn't be flying around the stealth air show anymore - they'd be flying someplace else.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 28, 1999.

Ya know Robert, I don't know of anyone else who could have explained that the way you just did. May I express my deep and severe ineptitude.

Gayla, dear friend, welcome back!, For you, this morning Haiku:

Beautiful sunrise,

Terns wheeling over the waves,

Gulls race overhead.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), May 28, 1999.

Robert, thanks so much for that explanation. Now it's less clear than mud. However, you might be able to clear it just a little by explaining how you'd know that the stealth terns had left the airshow or alternatively what a judy file is??

Rob, you do better haikus than me (or anyone but Unc - who is where?). Nonetheless, here is one for you :-)


Master of Stealth Geese

Fearless Fruitcake thread Starter

Writer of Haiku


- and for Donna (who seems to like limericks):


There once was a thread we called fruitcake

Some claimed it was only a mistake

I thought it was fine

(it even had wine!)

and was always a good read on my break.


Y'all have a good weekend, eh!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 28, 1999.

Ya gotta love a Canadian who says "y'all!" :-) Rob, thanks for the haiku! It created a lovely picture in my mind. Before seeing the Great Salt Lake in Utah, it never occurred to me that there would be seagulls so far inland. There was also a story about how they saved crops once by eating a swarm of grasshoppers. Hmmmm...

Mr. Cook! When you finish with all of those terns and turns, please let me know if Miss Jean got her postcard from Canada???? I asked in the old Fruitcake thread, but I'm not sure if you saw it?

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), May 28, 1999.

Huh? My heads terning... ugh, spinning.

No... right... that's a Koskinen line.

Hummm, any hoo, Robert, what is your thread count on those pants? Are you sure you can count on them? Or is that in them?


(BTW, Rob and Old Git... thanks for taking a "spin" at the ever expanding, more than delayed ST!)

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 28, 1999.

For those taking off have a fun-filled, full and fruity holidazey weekend.


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 28, 1999.

To clarify the mud - which can be done too by spinning it rapidly in a centrifuge - but that brings back up (or out - relativistically speaking from the center of the centrifuge) those damn tern terms again - taking turns turning terns turning circles interminably would almost certainly turn them inside out if they were sitting in the centrifuge upside down - or inside out as the case may be. But then again, the turned hens laying eggs might be laid easier - or as otherwise stated, their terms would be shorter - but would the egg be longer? Or shorter? So many questions......

So less us simply assume the mud is clarified without spending time taking turns turning terns' inside's out towards the outside so the tern's terms are shorter, okay?


By the way - "judy files" are those forwarded by the unknown Judy Manning person when the esteemed Diane person places put the wrong email return address on her recent missives from sacred spaces - hence we were returning around files originally turned around by Judy (Those damn birds again!) that originated from Diane but whch could not be returned to Diane ....


To the esteemed Miss Gayla D' - Yes, the card came through just fine. Did you go looking for mountains and snow just because the west side of Houston is flat and hot and humid eh?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 28, 1999.

While playing the "Game of Life" this week with the family, the spin of the wheel landed me repeatedly on spaces where I lost my turn. And spinning a "10", which should have been perfect, instead had us all paying fines to my daughter (The Cop), whose radar caught us speeding. None of our turns were stealthy in the least, nor were they in any way least terns (which might have been protected), and too many of my non-least turns were lost.

Now it all makes sense...

-- Mac (sneak@lurk.hid), May 28, 1999.

My goodness what the heck did I start here? I was only talking about my term as leader being up. Yikes!

Looks like my activities coordinator, Dear Mrs. Michaels, has some project lined up for me to do the rest of today and tomorrow :( So Happy Memorial Day weekend to all.

Uh, did someone say they have some wine? Is this a dry thread? See youz guys Sunday night!

Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms!!!!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), May 28, 1999.

What is Slack? If you have to ask, you can never know. You were born with it -- everyone is born with Original Slack -- but the Conspiracy has most of it now. They don't even know what it is, but that hasn't stopped Them from siphoning off what little you have left. (The stealing of Slack paradoxically becomes easier the less of it there is around.)

The Slack that can be described is not true Slack. By definition, it is indefinable. True Slack is "Something for Nothing." It is a kind of direct perception, unfettered by so-called "Common Sense."

Happiness is agony compared to Slack. Compared to Slack, NIRVANA is like having your eyes slowly gouged out with a carrot-peeler while recieving electroshock. Ten hours spent basking in the White Light of the Ultimate is like ants crawling up your nose and burrowing deep into your sinuses while you are dying of thirst in the desert, in relation to an eigth of a millisecond of Slack.

So you must ask yourself: Do you have Slack? Do you? How would you know?

Slack is different things to different people. For 3/4 of the world's population, Slack is a good meal. And if things keep getting worse, someday Slack for ANYBODY could be just one more breath of REAL AIR.

For you, at this point in the 20th Century, Slack is probably tied very closely to MONEY. This is because the Conspiracy has made it seem NATURAL that you have to "work" to "buy Slack." It's mindboggling how completely They have reversed the natural order of things, and how easily we all fell for it. Although SubGenii by definition are never Conspiracy dupes, most of them are Conspiracy SLAVES.

The reason They have been so successful these last 10,000 years is that -- ironically -- at any given time you actually have more Slack than you can possibly appreciate until it is taken away. You are HALF ASLEEP until that happens -- and after it does happen, you'll never again have a chance to be fully awake. It is, to use the proper expression, FUCKED.

By the same token however, Slack cannot be bottled or sold -- thus it is really FREE! You don't even need "Bob" to find it; you need only develop your "Slack Awareness." "Bob's" teachings can expedite this process, so that it snowballs until you get more and more Slack with less and less work. Or, rather, through real work, instead of wage drudgery. For Slack isn't exactly laziness, but a kind of active sloth. It is what "Bob" calls "surfing the Luck Plane" -- floating down The Path of Least Resistance -- EXPLOITING your MISTAKES. You "negate effort" by not trying, by not even doing ... by merely "letting." When you can finally let go and just "SEE" rather than "look," then and only then will you trulybe able to "PEE FREELY." Only then will you have achieved Achievingness without trying.

Once you do have Slack, you don't have to worry about sharing it because no matter how much you possess, ten times as much is radiated out. And this can mean INSTANT MONEY -- LUCK AT THE RACES -- AN AVALANCHE OF FRENZIED SEX -- ANYTHING YOU DESIRE!

"Bob" isn't so lucky because he's smart, but because he might as well be incredibly stupid by "normal" standards. If you could be a tenth as dumb as "Bob," your mistakes, blunders, follies and fobles would become as profitable as his. To truly know Nothing-- ah, if but we only could!! Human nature would improve a millionfold!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

-- j.r."BOB" Dobbs ("BOB"@!.!), May 28, 1999.


Finally received some of the twisted and turning "Judy files" from Judy, who it terns out is turning into a nice person. Problem is/was I have no idea if everything was terned in or not.


And now that some real fruit cakes have turned public web-sites upside downs those still taking our terns have more time to turn in.

Get it? (Clear as unclarified mud).


(Time to tern over).

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 28, 1999.


Do slack off this weekend... you've terned.


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 28, 1999.

I don't know who this "Bob" is, but someone needs to let him know that fruitcake threads are "family" threads and we don't use foul language. Only FOWL language is permitted here. OK, Bob? BTW, DiETer is looking for you... seems he wants to kill you. Hmmm... maybe the circus could sell tickets?? ;-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), May 28, 1999.

Hate it when they "fowl" up the threads.

Welcome back Gayla! Sounds like you had wunnerful time too. You visited some awesome places.

Too bad about not findin' the internet cafe. (Or maybe it was a good thang).



-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 28, 1999.

Yes, they've been making me shoot lots of .... "fowl" shots lately here (spoken as a Knicks fan). Uh-oh, does this mean I'm becoming a fruitcake too?

-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), May 28, 1999.

-- (
@ .), May 28, 1999.

Wouldn't want to break up the family, would we? Family? No, clique. You are an internet clique.

-- (
@ .), May 28, 1999.

We are a gaggle of quacks! Beak attack! Scoot! Scat! Like our stealth geese we watchdog our fruitcake freedoms, complete with dynamite Beavers & Buttheads ;^) Fiat flacks flaking flat fizz fast. Zap!
And Gayla, we're still sulking & skulking because we wanted to meet you! In a pitchfork mood ... ;~}

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), May 28, 1999.

Hey ..@..! At least on this thread you're trying to send us to "cleaner" places. On Fruitcake 2, this adolescent was trying to link to Playboy and Hustler. Now he's just trying for reality.com. School's out, huh?

Sorry, Leska!! I didn't want to mention this earlier, because DieTEr made an appearance today, but we actually saw 2 Beavers crossing the road in Jasper National Park. "Paddle" tails and all. I tried to recruit them, but they just waddled away.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), May 28, 1999.

Hi, y'all. I'm back - we went to my husband's uncle's funeral (memorial service). I wasn't looking forward to it (!!), but it actually went very well. Burt had been ill for some time and wasn't going to get better; but 'there's never a good time for goodbye'.

Anyway,.. I return to a forum in transition! Kids home for the holidays (see --.@ above, *sigh*) and Ed about to leave us (WHAT!?! *sigh*). Hopefully he'll look in now and then, even if anonymously.

Now that the mystery of turns, terns and judy have all been solved, the beavers are working and the gardeners are weeding, we need to decide if chairman of the FRL is a term position or a lifetime sentence. Personally, I tend to the latter. Does Rob get a vote, or is he restricted to a tie-breaking vote? Also, where is the best place to find mid-summer fruitcakes (other than on this thread)?

Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 30, 1999.

Tricia: You tend to the latter? Well, I have been on a latter almost all weekend painting so no more latter for me thank you. In fact, I am a bit thirsty from all that work but there is nothing to drink here :(

Lots going on to say the least, both home and here. What a memorable weekend huh?

Tomorrow we march,

Memorial Day Parade,

Honor, Duty, Country.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), May 30, 1999.

I'm marching off to sleep.

Tad too much to drink Rob. (Missed ya at the local MD party).

Tomorrow is another day... to figure things out!


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 30, 1999.

Here's one on me, Rob. And one for Uncle, too, for helping me shake the "blues." :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), May 30, 1999.

Do not shake the blues

A little John Lee Hooker

Is good for the soul

-- Unc D (unkeed@yahoo.com), May 30, 1999.

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo. What's this I see? Dear Gayla has given me a drink, and I am still thirsty.

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm. Tasty. I Hicccup, and hav another. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm. This is very tastepee. HA HA . Hiccupup. Now did Unkle say Looker? Nononono.no No. he said Hooooker. Hmmm Hikpucup. A lookerhooker? dats blue? donnknow. I tink i'll haveanothre dink. Juza bittle lit now, dont wanna get dunk again. HA HA HA hhhhaaaa hickuppup. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Weeeeeeeee. letshoot DeItEr out cannnon agin. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Nother dwink. MMMmmmmmmmhiccccup. I peel slee peep noww. Wherz my crown car? I peel lik driveling. Did I weave it at da Circurse. donnknow. Hicupppup. ooohwelll, matbee a fiend willfinit and den wecan ZZZzzzzzz take a Hicpouop ZZzzzz litttl dive zzz...hic......up....zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

-- (ZzZz@zz.zz), May 31, 1999.

Oh, no, Gayla ;-). Unc usually drinks (dehydrated) beer, and ya gotta know that enabling a lush like Rob is never good! Oh, well, no use crying over spilt milk, at least Rob usually goes to sleep instead of making a big mess these days :-D

The change in address is just to save my poor hubby. If you want to contact me about something personal, the old addy is the way to go. If it's about forum stuff, the new addy is best.

We don't have Memorial Day in Canada, we combine Veteran's Day with Memorial Day and commemorate both on November 11th. However, for y'all from south of here, and with thanks to Rob:

Noble warriors

Remembrance, honour, respect

Truly are your due.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), May 31, 1999.

Lush? LUSH? Ok, that's it. I am going under the wagon, or over it, or maybe I'll drive it since I can't find my rubber clown car or Donna. After all, or before all, or perhaps between all, I have a reputation to live down to! Now, see? Youz guyz don't want no lushy leader now do ya!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), May 31, 1999.

Not me - not me boss man...I didn't say it...she did, she did.

-- notme_goingtheotherway (pointing.thefinger@her.way), May 31, 1999.

Sorry, Rob. Gotta watch my tongue more carefully (Very difficult to do sans mirror, y'know). But who'd do better as a fruitcake leader than a lush? Especially if you do that 'rum to soften' thing that Chris told us about on Thread 1.

BTW, has Chris gone for good?? She's been hiding out for a long time now - spring cleaning won't do for an excuse any more. She'd better come back soon, or I'll start forwarding the FCII answers to her; maybe a bit of laughter will draw her out... For Chris (and BH, Invar, and all those 'on leave')-


So many friends are gone :-(

We hope they'll return to read

and play here again!


-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 01, 1999.

It _was_ a nice weekend. Spent time enjoying our new "rainwater catchment system".

By way of explanation here, DH has wanted a boat for about 10 years, decides this is the year to buy (despite my asking him to wait until next summer), buys 18 1/2 footer to pour money and gasoline into. I told him it was a nice boat and if stuff goes south next year, it will make an expensive rainwater catchment system.

So, in the meantime, we're catching a little fun. I still can't believe he picked a boat over a privacy fence and water barrels.


PS I love to read the fruitcake threads but don't often post because I don't feel 'witty' enough. You guys and gals can run circles around me in the humor department. Thanks for putting up with me.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 01, 1999.

LOL, Linda.

Actually, this past weekend, began to think the term "witless" was a better fit.


But now that Rob's done marching and guzzeling, perhaps he'll "wit" us into shape again. Or not.


(Waving at Tricia & the witlessly wandering stealth geese).

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 01, 1999.

Beavers on the lake,

at night come onshore to eat,

Mrs. Michaels tree.

(here we go again!!!!)


Sunrise brings Osprey,

diving down on golden trout,

then up to their nests.

Ok. Enough Haikus for now. My only post during a long day. Time for sleep. Goodnight fellow FRLians.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 01, 1999.

uh oh, dear Michaels, not again! But this time wasn't it a less exotic tree? Next time a silk fako ;^)

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 02, 1999.

As the mist on the lake does rise, I look down with no surprise, and what do I see, a chewed sapling tree, there to greet my morning eyes.

It isn't where I planted it, it's by the water in a pit, the beavers got it out again, and tried to take it to thier den, Dear Mrs. Michaels will have a fit.

SO with a robe I go out side, and with a quick determined stride, to put the sapling back in its hole, and tie it back on its little pole, the evil doings for to hide.

Poor little sapling doesn't look right, as it stands there in the first light, it just looks all gnawed and chewed, thinking as I stand there and boo hoo, when SHE wakes up there will be a fight.

Mrs. Michaels now is awake, and her coffee she does take, then outside on the deck she comes, little tune on her lips she hums, until she sees me, the tree, and the rake.

She says "I want another sapling please, look what those beavers did to my trees", No, I say, they'll just eat anew, It's money wasted that I could spend on you She considers and smiles then goes back to sleep.

Go figure!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 02, 1999.

You lucked out, boy!!


-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), June 02, 1999.

Rob, why would she blame you for what beavers did? Did you import the beavers? I think that there are tree 'protectors' that go around the base of saplings so that they can grow without harm, our city uses something like heavy-duty plastic-coated chicken wire attached to a pole beside the tree. If dear Mrs. Michaels decides you really have to try once more, something like that might do the trick.


Women confound men

They are so illogical!

Women or men? - Yes!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 02, 1999.

DiETer might have something to say about this ;^)

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 02, 1999.

Rob, you sweet talker, you! "It's money wasted that I could spend on you."

Now tell the truth, would you buy something she wants-flowers, candy, jewelry, TREES-or on something you think she needs-a skillet, Skil saw or tire pump? (Yes, these have been actual presents from my beloved to me.)

Now's the time to invest in some of that razor wire to go around your saplings; either that or haul in food for those busy beavers.


-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 02, 1999.

Chuck: You arent kidding!

Tricia: You ask why she would blame me? Because. Yep, thats the reason all right. Because. Just because. Now how do you argue with logic like that? I dont even try! You have a good idea about the wire stuff but I dont know how she will react to it. Ill bring it up when she is in a good mood. Actually she has been in a good mood for quite a while, since she avenged herself on me for making an itty bitty mess in her kitchen. And then I got her them twolips without any lips that she liked so much. (The plants never did grow any lips at all. If you didnt tell me better I would of thought I got took). And I dont fancy having to post from the car anymore either!

Ashton & Leska: Perhaps DiETer will stop by and write a nice Haiku for us all, uh, if we promise to cut out the cannon talk.

Linda: Me a sweet talker? Nah. And I would not buy her anything usually, just give her money to buy what she likes. Seems to work best. Besides, how can you pick out a gift for anyone that thinks they have enough Duct Tape?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 02, 1999.

A tire pump?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 02, 1999.

Now, I can understand the Skill Saw - everybody needs a good skilled saw (or a handy beaver, which ever comes first) bu t a tire pump......if I gave a tire pump to my beloved I'd be a beleagured beleaved beloved.....unless it had a flower around the tired pump.....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 02, 1999.

Mr. Cook-(ooh, that makes you sound _old_!)

The tire pump was to air up soccer balls for a team he was coaching. You know, 'every woman needs an air pump.'


-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 02, 1999.

YoU PeoPLE ArE EViL incARNatE!!!!!!! laWYerS!!!!!! poLIticIAnS!!!!!!! spEAk NoT OF beAVErS, YoU TOxiC VEnOmOuS BEasTS!!!!!!


saINTlY DieTer FROwnS

ANd ruBs THe sLeeP FRom HiS EyeS


-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 02, 1999.

Spicy enough now, Chuck?

Linda, my husband got me a waffle iron/sandwich griller for my birthday once, because he felt like grilled cheese sandwiches. I don't like my sandwiches squished (which is how they come out with this machine), and I'd rather eat pancakes than waffles... He compounded his error by buying pots and pans for my birthday a few years later. This is the same guy that bought me 2 (two) bouquets in 20 (twenty) years of marriage, for the wedding ceremony and at the birth of our first daughter. Well, he has other, good points, too - yours too, I assume :-)

Dieter, how nice of you to drop by. I take it that the cannon ride went well?

Robert, what do you give your wife, duct tape?


Duct tape is like air

A total necessity

Just ask McGyver ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 03, 1999.


What don't beavers like? (i.e. shurbs) Then plant them around the tree.

Or... maybe... DUCT TAPE THE TREE!!!!


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 03, 1999.


Plant the beavers? Won't that just grow more of them....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 03, 1999.

Saintly DiETeR? Now that's rich! I gotta remember to get a good pair of boots! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 03, 1999.

Hey Dieter-been missing you. Glad you could come out to play.

Tricia-Yes, hubby has that endearing quality of loving me (and only me) no matter what, for the past 19 1/2 years.

Rob-I think your wife would probably like duct tape more if it was wrapped around her favorite flowers (in a bouquet, of course.)

Goodnight, all, been sick and gotta try to get some beauty sleep (may not be enough hours in the night for that!) Linda

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 03, 1999.

Time for restful sleep,

for newbiebutnodummy,

Sweet dreams while stars shine.


Robert, Good Sir: You can't plant beavers unless you have beaver seeds, and I can't find any nowhere nohow - tried all day too.

Dieter: StOp yOuR fOOlIShnEsS aNd GIve uS a hAIkU.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 03, 1999.

Diane, Robert and Rob want to know how to plant beavers; I want to know what shurbs are and why beavers don't like them. Maybe I can give some to DieTeR so he'll post more haiku. (BTW, my most common problem with typing flu is to write my name Trivia - how apropos!)


There once was a newbie (not dummy),

Who had a big ache in her tummy -

Or was it her throat? -

She didn't say in her note,

But I hope she soon feels much more yummy!


There once was a pet troll named DiETer,

(You say that to rhyme well with Peter)

He often was gruff,

to fools even rough,

His aim was to be a forum weeder.


Typing flu about to strike, G"night!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), June 04, 1999.

I was gonna hatch a haikui here

for the newbie's rain-collecting gear

but the words got too long

so I hadda say "so long"

and put the instructions in text to revere.


So anyway newbie - pull the drain plug from the end of the 18 foot rainwater collection system while leaving upper surfaces of rainwater collection cistern uncovered (ie, exposed to the vertically falling wet stuff) and let vertically falling frozen stuff colect an/or melt into lower regions of said 18 foot rainwater collection cistern.

With drain plug installed, 18 foot rainwater collecting system will accumulate vertically falling wet stuff (including leaves and wet cats - but that's another story) for temporary storage outside of primary domecile of rainwater collecting system male-type purchaser. With drain plug at lower (aft end) removed, wet stuff will drain out and be accessable for transportation into house for service water by nearest available rainwater collectiing system (male type) purchaser.

Surely the female-type observer of said collection and male transportation system would not deem it fit to carry the collected wet stuff, would she?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 04, 1999.

Tricia-Here goes, just for you, my first haiku:

Coughing til I gag

now nose is too sore to blow

where's my cough syrup?

(now I'm embarassed!) Linda

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 04, 1999.


I try not to say "I told you so" because that phrase can turn around and bite you in the rear end but if stuff goes south next year, you can be assured that it will _not_ be the female observer who carries water from the rain catchment system aforementioned. (But what a good idea about using the drain plug!)

Now if I end up buying more rain barrels, then I'll tote water myself unless I can coerce the kids into hauling for me. Maybe now's the time to practice the "mother as martyr" routine?


-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 04, 1999.

Linda, practicing the martyr syndrome is the whole reason for colds like yours (very good first haiku!). Truly hope you're feeling much better, soonest!

Robert, have you ever heard "There's a hole in the bucket"? Belefonte and Odetta sing it on one of his Carnegie Hall recordings. I remember hearing it as a young child, and took to heart that if I want water hauled, I'd better be prepared to do it, or marry a man I could talk circles around (oops, I knew I'd missed a requirement when I got married!) ;-) BTW, have you ever heard someone talking Circles? Is it kinda like Greek? Does it make you dizzy listening to them?

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 04, 1999.

FRL Alert Sighting...

About Y2K Preps & buried on the thread, in a stealthy fashion...

San Francisco Chronicle Writes 4 Preparedness & Y2K Grassroots Articles! (Amazable!!)

http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000upy

``When I first heard about it, I was like this deer in the headlights. I became this fruitcake. I had to learn as much as I could about Y2K,'' she said with throaty laugh. ``So I downloaded information from the Internet and went to the copy store to make packets for anyone who would take them.''

Time for dinner! Night!


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 05, 1999.

ROTFL! Must have gotton holdof the FRL theads! Ha Ha HA ha.


Just got bcak from a partee and peel fritty good. U no, next flyday is the anniworseary of this here FRL. It willbe six months old. Ha ha. hicopu. `Weeeeeeeee. hahahahahhahahaha/. So I d=tink dat we should a;;ll celebate and plan somerhitng.

-- (ha@ha.ha), June 05, 1999.

Oh, anniversary, speech speech!
Or is that anniversary adversity? or adversary? Or enemanethema? Or time for more mudwrestling fights and canons? Lay down the canon? The themas? Is that when the animation pics started? Too tired to look up FC1.

Go Rob, Chief FRLian WamPam Freedom Fighter! We're ready for the entertainment ;^)

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 06, 1999.

Hi Miss Tricia! I'm going to take some time off from the forum and work on my preps. (This place has gone CRAZY! I know when JBD comes out of retirement, it's time for a break!) :-) If any articles (like the 60 Minutes transcript) come out, or anything "earth shattering" happens, please let me know. You have my e-mail address. Thanks!! To all the other FRLians, Happy Anniversary!! I'll check back in a few weeks. (Hey, did you guys see Hardliner's limericks? It's been a long time!) :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 06, 1999.

Gayla, we'll miss you, again! I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to be here, either. I try to check in every day on FC and any really facinating looking threads, but gardening time is here, and I'm expecting to start working more hours. I'll keep in touch.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 06, 1999.

Thanks Tricia! I really appreciate it!

Forgot one thing before I go.... this is for Diane. (Can't let Mutha have all of the fun!) To write in color:

Basically this works the same way as making a link. You will use the less than and greater than symbols at the beginning and end. I will use "(" instead of "<" so it will show up.

(font color="blue") This can be just about any color you want. Just make sure to use the less than and greater than signs instead of the parentheses. Also, to turn it off, you can use (/font) or you can just put (font color="black") Have fun!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 06, 1999.

Attention FRLians

This Friday will be the six month annniverary of the FRL, at which time I shall deliver, or send out for, or perhaps you can pick it up, the semi-something-or-other State of the FRL Address. I will not be posting or lurking much since my regular (as well as my irregular) work schedule is particularly heavy this week. And besides, I really do need a lot of practice since I made a bit of a mess with the last speech. See you Friday night.

p.s. Thanks Leska and Ashton :)

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 07, 1999.

Rob, lest you or anyone feel lax about the FRLian mission, here is a jolting update:

[ For Educational Purposes Only ]

The Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, June 1, 1999

Financial Privacy in Peril, By Richard W. Rahn

What cause unites Christian conservatives, free-trade Democrats, small-business people, the American Civil Liberties Union and tax reformers?

Financial freedom and privacy.

The cause is being advanced in a series of legislative battles against big-government activists from both parties over the issues of encryption restrictions, asset forfeiture and, of most immediate concern, requirements that banks serve as agents of the state by monitoring the activities of their customers. The cornerstone of this last activity is the Bank Secrecy Act of 1970.

The BSA is, in fact, an antisecrecy act, because it requires bankers to spy on their customers by monitoring accounts for "suspicious activities."
Bankers who fail to comply with this requirement are subject to prosecution and fines. Since Congress enacted the BSA, the scope of the law and of the bureaucracy to enforce it has steadily grown, a textbook illustration of how failed government policies beget more failed policies and ever more government.

The latest attempt to enlarge the reach of the BSA occurred in December, when the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. and the Treasury proposed "Know Your Customer" regulations that would have required banks to create customer profiles and report all activities that fell outside the "normal" transactions according to that profile. Originally, the BSA required only that banks monitor transactions above $10,000 -- which was lowered to $5,000 when the higher number proved to be ineffective in preventing money laundering and other financial crimes -- and to report activities that the bankers themselves deemed suspicious. The proposed new regulations would have required all transactions to be monitored, no matter how small.

News of the Know Your Customer proposal circulated on the Internet and in print; e-mail comments, which the FDIC had solicited, came pouring in.
The result: Some 254,000 people came out against the regulations, while only 72 people favored them. The planned regulations were quickly withdrawn, but the administration plans to issue new ones.

For years the BSA has had strong support in Congress. But now it seems that's changing. Reps. Ron Paul (R., Texas) and Tom Campbell (R., Calif.) have introduced legislation that would repeal the BSA and give people the right to check and challenge government records. The legislation is rapidly gaining cosponsors on both sides of the aisle.

Just as important, a growing number of law-enforcement organizations have recognized that the BSA has not been effective. Between 1987 and 1996, banks filed more than 77 million Currency Transaction Reports with the Treasury. This deluge of paperwork resulted in a mere 580 convictions. As Rep. Paul noted, "More than 99.999% of those [who] had their privacy invaded were law-abiding citizens going about their own personal financial business." The total private- and public-sector costs have been tens of millions of dollars per conviction, many times what Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr has spent per conviction in his allegedly extravagant investigation.

Moreover, the new digital technologies now coming into widespread use mean that no matter how assiduously the BSA and related provisions are enforced, money laundering and other financial crimes will be even more difficult to detect. Law-enforcement officials are nervously surveying a host of devices that will make their jobs more difficult, particularly easy-to-use, practically unbreakable encryption systems. These technologies are coming together in ways that will allow people to move money and financial assets instantaneously to almost any point on the globe without the knowledge of any government.

Many in government wish to squelch these developments, either because they fear the loss of their own roles as economic gatekeepers, or because they genuinely believe that the new technologies will make life easier for drug dealers, money launderers and other assorted criminals. To be sure, these technologies do make a criminal's life easier -- as do the telephone and automobile. Yet it is also true that the digital age has given law enforcement many more tools to observe and detect criminal activity. Law-enforcement officials must learn to adapt new technologies to their purposes, rather than outlaw them in the futile hope that they will simply go away.

As the digital revolution takes hold, laws that were written for another era will become increasingly difficult to enforce. Americans can choose either to jettison these laws and take advantage of new technologies and the opportunities they create, or keep the laws and pay the price in economic inefficiency, technological backwardness and government intrusiveness.

The immediate fate of the BSA will be a good indication of the direction we eventually take.
Mr. Rahn is chairman of Novecon Financial, a senior fellow at the Discovery Institute and author of "The End of Money and the Struggle for Financial Privacy" (Discovery Institute Press, 1999).


xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 07, 1999.

Good work, A&L! It's nice to know that although the BORED hasn't given up and gone away, there are still powerful ppl on the side of the FRL. BTW, I got "Chant IV, Millenium" from the library and am enjoying it immensely - thanks again for your list!

Rob, I'm looking forward to reading your speech. I, too, may not be around a bunch this week. My grandmother-in-law is in failing health (and almost 90 years old), so I'm kinda expecting to have to take another few days trip. You know, this Y2K prep thing would be a whole lot easier if I didn't have to deal with life as it happens, too! (Sorta like you and the work thing vs following the forum, right?)

So, Diane, Ashton, Leska, Linda, et al - we leave this thread to your tender care. Don't forget to write some poetry now and then.


Here's the haiku torch

Carry it by writing some

Then you pass it on.


(Or get Unc to come back :-))

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 08, 1999.

Good News! I just heard this morning that although the surgeon did indeed miss what he was aiming for on my biopsy, the shadow remains unchanged from December, and is therefore very unlikely to be cancer. I have to have a recheck in 6 months, but the outlook is very hopeful.

Thank-you to all of you who expressed your concern, your support has been much appreciated.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 09, 1999.


What's this about a biopsy? I've read nothing so am in the dark (not an unusual situation for me, I'm afraid!) Anyway, glad to hear positive news from the doc.


There once was a Canuckian named Tricia, (always thought her name sounded delicious,) Her biopsy was fine, so until the next time, the doc said, "we'll have to dismiss ya."

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 09, 1999.

Brightly the birds sing

The sky is a deeper blue

Fare thee well, Canuck

-- Unc D (unkeed@yahoo.com), June 09, 1999.

Poetry, for me? I'm touched.

And not only in the head!

Linda, I mentioned the biopsy in FC1, I think. I ranted about it, as I recall. Like Y2K, it mostly didn't feel real (or maybe I'm alone in the feeling re: Y2K).


Life runs on quickly

Swirling eddies outlining

Blockages in flow.


Surprise, waterfalls!

Chaotic insanity!

Flow then resumes.


Roar heard by many

Heeded by just a few

White water ahead.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 10, 1999.

Unc D: Oh Great Teacher of Limerick and Haiku, you always were the best, and you are still the best.

Hi Tricia. Great news! BTW, your latest Haiku's were wonderful. Really wonderful.

FRLians: I will post the State of FRL speech tonight instead of tomorrow since I have some time now. No Forum time after this until Sunday night... maybe.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 10, 1999.

Hear ye, Hear ye, the FRL will now come to order.

(cyber gavel - hush)

Friends, Lurkers, FRLian's, lend me your monitors. (Yes, you too Dieter!) It is my solemn and sworn duty, and indeed a great privilege, to deliver this, The Second State of the FRL address, to you.

Three threads and 900 answers ago, our fore-fathers, or fore-mothers, or fore-whoevers began the Quest for the prefect Y2K food. In the beginning, we had ingredients. It was quickly said;

Let there be fruitcake,

And there was fruitcake,

And it was good.

The Fruitcake Resistance League (FRL) was born, six months ago today, as we banded together to resist the terrible plots of the Fruitcake Reserve Bored (FRB), which is the very personification of anonymous evil  the en, ene, enem, enemy.

We can be proud that FRLians helped to de-feet, or de-claw, or de-arm the enemys Know Your Fruitcake iniquitous proposal. Yet, just as I said in the first address, that was the main battle we won, not the whole war. We must remain continually vigilant and watchful to ensure that whatever new insidious plots the FRB hatches are also defeated. Our FRLian job is not done. We must remain in the vanguard against the fiat fruitcake movement and other potential usurpations of our Fruitcakian Freedoms.

Our first six months also saw many other accomplishments besides winning the main battle against the KYF proposal. We FRLians soon realized the value of our fruitcake as a weapon to stockpile and defend ourselves. Some of these weapons were first employed during the three day war between Gayla and Chris. That was a very rough period for us all, yet in the end it made us all stronger in our bond of FRLianness. We are proud to have taken fruitcakian weaponry to new levels. This will help us to maintain our Fruitcake Freedoms in the future. Our FRLs Weapons of Fruitcake Destruction (WFD) and stealth assets were so successful that we were asked to provide security to the Forum Circuses, which we did in an exemplary fashion. We ran Operations when required to further our cause, including Operation FLYLEAF, which helped win the main battle against the KYF proposal, and Operation PDOW to rescue the Prisoner Ducky of War. Yes, my fellow FRLians, we have much to be proud of.

Sadly, we did have one casualty: Willy the Groundhog. Alas, if only he did not eat that liquor-soaked fruitcake. I am sure that many of us remember poor Willy in his little coffin: eyes covered with pennies, paws crossed and clutching a carrot, peaceful in his eternal rest. Let us have a moment of dimness (on your monitor) to remember him now.

Today the FRL is six months young. Willy would certainly be proud. We have a lot to look forward to, and backwards to, and even sideways to. Let us be happy now and celebrate our hard-won Fruitcakian Freedoms. Much has been done, and much remains to be done. We have welcomed all newbies who came to us, and look forward to more joining us in our constant quest to protect our Freedoms. Together we stand, fight, and write Limericks and Haikus. Our common destiny and spirit remains unquenchable. It is my great pleasure to report that the State of our FRL is Sound.

Happy Anniversary FRLians.

Long Live our Fruitcake Freedoms.

We can now go back to being out of order. (cyber gavel)

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 10, 1999.

Sir Rob of the fruit-laden gavel:

I am moved to tears by the lovliness and solemnity of your speech. How I grieved when reminded of little Willie meeting his maker. Thank goodness he was laid to rest in such a honorable and befitting way.

Thank God, too, for the swift end to the Three Day Fruitcake War. I feared that a civil war would be the end of the great Fruitcake league but somehow we survived those flaming missiles of war to go toward a new day.

You have given us a beautiful speech to commemorate our first anniversary and I thank you.

Long live our Fruitcake Freedoms! Long live Sir Rob! Linda

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 10, 1999.

Hello! Popped in here when notified of Nabi's Banking post. Had to check the Fruitcake thread. :-) Happy Anniversary!

Speaking of the 3 day war... whatever happened to Chris (catsy.pond)? She must have made the move to Canuckiana?? Tricia, you keep up with her, don't you? Is she still in the US, or in Canada? Maybe she is posting under a different handle? Oh well, back to preps....

PS- the solar powered motion detector light finally came and works great!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 11, 1999.

Happy anniversary, FRLians!

Nice speech, Rob. Definitively tear-jerker material ;-)

Gayla, Chris seems to be lurking. I've seen posts that sound like her, but she isn't posting much nor under her own name. I tried to persuade her to return to FC, but no luck so far.


Six months we have fought

the terrible fruitcake BORED

Keep winning battles!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 11, 1999.

".... report that the State of our FRL is Sound."

But my PC is still quiet - why don't I hear nothing at all? No sound? Or no silence? If there were no silence in the words, could a man hear himself think if there were no ladies around? If there no sounds in the woulds, what does a woman listen in the woods?

Hmmmmn ... am I to noisy two listen too the sounds of silence twice? Wood I get beat up about the head and shoulders if I continue to question the silence of a woman ?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 12, 1999.

tiREd oF SIlenCE dId diETER heAR???????? tOO baD SayS THe diETER, wHO Is awAKEneD Bzy foOLs daILy!!!!!!!!

eNDInG Of silENcE COMMandS DIeTeR!!!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 12, 1999.

Robert, Good Sir, as if casting dispersions on the womanfolk was not enough, now you have gone and awakened saintly Dieter.

"Hello darkness my old friend..."

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 12, 1999.

Finally reading the FRL newz...

Thanks Gayla! Have a great time-out!


Tricia... You too, clean bill of health-ier her! < font color="black">

For Rob, the great FRLian...

Huzzah, huzzah, huzzah!

Just what i needed to reed before beddytime! Especially tonight!


(So, wheres a color list?)

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 12, 1999.


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 12, 1999.

Oh great, Tricia is feeling better, but now Diane is black & blue and red all over.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 13, 1999.

For Diane and all giddy fruitcakes

Color Chart

rainbow playtime for the leprechauns!

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999.


Does that mean I've been knocked around, upside down and backwards? Naw! Just having a "Mutha Moment."

Thanks Leska... I will use color crayons judiciously! Well... maybe.

The next lesson I'm alert to is... Font Sizes? Pointers?

(Part of the FRL arsonal of aresonians) Huh?


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 13, 1999.

Once ya know how to do it, it's easy, but until then -- GNASH 'n trash, Grrrrr.  "View Source" helps. Seen a variety of ways to do it, and haven't found an easy baby-step site yet, so test it velly carefully and rarely ;^)

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999.

Look what Leska did! When you increase the font size, it also looks bold.

So much for taking a break from the forum. It's been raining EVERY day! Another good reason for not leaving anything till the last minute: you can't control the weather!

Diane, here are a few colors:

Maroon, Green, Olive, Navy, Purple, Teal, Grey, Silver, Red, Lime, Yellow, Blue, Fuschia (Mutha's favorite,) and Aqua.

I hope all of these work!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

I just realized something. In Outlook Express, they spell fuchsia wrong. It is spelled fuschia. I wonder if this will be a different color when spelled differently? Mutha just uses a number: FF0080. Hmmmm....

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

Well, there you have it! You can make all sorts of colors. Except it looks like Grey is not recognized by the computer.

Diane, for font size, you can use (font size="3") except use the less than and greater than signs. The forum is written in size 3. Size 4 will look like this. Size 5 will look like this. Size 6 will look like this. And so on...

PS- DiETeR, I'm going to kill you! That stupid music played in my head all night!!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

Thanks Gayla.

The questions is... does Bold Off work?


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 13, 1999.


Huh? Leska?

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 13, 1999.

Uh Oh! Gayla's getting riled again! After another speech by the Chief FRL Chair! ~~ It's going to be another fight! Gayla VS DiETer! A fruitcake slugfest! The legend of the 3-day war comes up for review. DiETer is preparing his arssanal of enemas! Gayla dusts off her canon and slingshot. Rob sets a beaver trap. FruitCake War II is coming, close to the 7th month of 1999! Alors!

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999.

Did it work?

-- fixer but (notanexpert@html.com), June 13, 1999.


-- OOPS (notanexpert@html.com), June 13, 1999.

Did what work? Was something deleted? What did I miss?

DieTEr, I'm looking for you!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

HeY!!!!! yoU!!!!!! yEAh yOU!!!!!!!!! yOu lOOkiNG At mE?????????? aRE yOU...... lOokIN' aT me?????????????

yOu WanT A piECe a' mE?????????

yOu thINk yOu cAN haNDle It???????


dO YoU FEeL LucKY???????

wEll, dO Ya??????????


-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 13, 1999.


i KNoW A gUy wHO CAn FIx peOPLe goOD!!!!!!!! YoU SEE, hE Can PuT A miCRoCHiP INtO AlL OF yoUR ELecRIc DEVIceS!!!!!!!!! mAKEs tHEN aLL PLay THe chICKeN DAncE SOnG, 24-7!!!!!!!!

tHInK ABOuT It!!!!!!!!

goOD MOrnING!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 13, 1999.

Battle Alert #2: Uh Oh! Gayla's getting riled again! DiETer's goin' at it! After another speech by the Chief FRL Chair! ~~ It's going to be another fight! Gayla VS DiETer! A fruitcake slugfest! The legend of the 3-day war comes up for review. DiETer is preparing his arssanal of enemas! Gayla dusts off her canon and slingshot. Rob sets a beaver trap. FruitCake War II is coming, close to the 7th month of 1999! Alors!

Russia, USA, British, French, Serbs, Koreas, India, Pakistan, Fruitcakes, etc. -- it's really in the air.

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999.

First of all, it AIN'T morning. Second, yes I DO feel lucky. And Third, I WILL get a piece of you with my new toy!!! Exquisite torture, just for you, DiETeR!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

ohHHhh!!!!!! BAbY!!!!!!!!!!!!

i THouGHt thIS Was WAr?????????

iF So, WHy dO YoU wISh tO GIvE DIetER HiS FAvorITe sEX ToY????????

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 13, 1999.

But does it screw in with left-handed or right-handed threads?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 13, 1999.

It figures! Fine then! For plan B, I have an invisible beaver that I have trained to hunt you down!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 13, 1999.

Them's cat's paws, not beaver ....uh, wait a minute, what do call beaver feet? Inches? Paws? Grandpa's - if they're big enough? Ma's? Aunt's? Uncle's? Paddles? Flippers? Poodles?

Craig - helllllpppp! I ain't no good with beaver biology stuff.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 14, 1999.

Now, now, Gayla, just settle down, Dieter didn't mean anything by his post (well, he may have but I think we'd all have to a little nutty to figure it out.) Nothing will be served by flinging fluitcakes, I mean, fringing fruitcakes, OH!, you know what I mean.

So, please call off those beavers wearing poodle-paw-print boots (pretty clever of them to disguise themselves as puppies) and let's call off FWII before it starts, hokey dokey?

Dieter-Uh, somehow I don't see you as the Clint Eastwood look-alike. OTOH, The crazy guy in "The Twelve Monkeys", now _that's_ you to a tee. (That's a compliment , BTW) So, back down, Dieter, and go to your room til you can be nice.

Sir Robert-Please report immediately to the wood shed for your richly deserved beating about the head and shoulders. (Of course, a man talking in the woods would make no sound if a woman was not around, every school girl knows that!)

Self-appointed peacemaker, Linda (lessee, where's that referee whistle?)

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 14, 1999.

PS Dieter-give those enemas back to Mrs. Dieter before someone gets hurt!

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 14, 1999.

I hate to think that I'm going to miss a Gayla vs DiETeR slugfest. Many laughs and much hilarity. (And no tears, I hope!)

However, my husband's grandmother has died and we'll almost certainly be going to the funeral. So I'll be away for a few more days.

Life certainly does make a habit of getting in the way of plans, eh? (I have to show my roots now and then - BTW that's roots to rhyme with toots not foots, for all the pronunciation challenged) ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 14, 1999.


That's what happens when the html challenged try a fix. I tried to unbold (/b), in greater than/less than brackets, and got an increase in size. Fixes, anyone?

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 14, 1999.

Bigger poodle paws?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 14, 1999.

Seriously, pass my thoughts and condolences to your husband and family...

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 14, 1999.

Tricia. Prayers tonight for you and yours. We will miss you too.


Now whats this - another war? Sheesh! And what the heck is going on with this thread? Am I seeing things? Am I hearing things too? Havent even had a drink, though I may start real soon! Im away for a few days and this is how youz guyz act? Think about the impression, or depression, or repression you are leaving on all the newbies that we are depending on to rank our swells, or swell our ranks, or something like that. Sheesh! We have a reputation to live down to!

And enemas of all things. This thread is going to crap! I wont stand for it, or sit for it, or lay down on it, and certainly wont step in it! Enough is enough. Remember that we have serious business here. Sheesh! And that as an FRLian, you are representing our FRL. Dont you realize that this is just what the enema, uh, I mean enemy, wants? For us to fight amongst ourselves? Havent you wretched that delusion yet? Sheesh! There is only one thing I can do.

I must refuse to lead the FRL anymore. I resign immediately, or perhaps even sooner, for I cannot go on with this shame and continue in a position of FRLian Leadershit. Sheesh! Please accept my resignation.

Linda, thanks for trying to calm things down, or up, or in generally the right direction. As the only rational person left posting on this here thread, would you accept the position of FRLian Leader?

-- Rob x-leader Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 14, 1999.


My first response to your question? OH, MY GOODNESS (can you hear the shock and disbelief-coupled with panic???)

No, Rob, I think you're doing a wonderful job. (Don't think you can get out of it THAT easily!)

I'm afraid my 'job' will have to be restricted to psuedo peacemaker.

Thanks, tho. Linda

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 14, 1999.

pseudo peachmaker?

pluto pacemaker?

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 14, 1999.

Rob, I have PMS and a handgun. I'm taking over this here thread! Any more questions? NO, you may NOT quit! We already had one leader quit this month and there shall be NO MORE quitting any time soon!!!



Now, I've already taken care of DiETeR, and the Astros took care of Robert's Braves tonight. So, don't try this quitting trash again, you hear???

PS- Tricia, I'm sorry about your family's loss. YOU may be excused.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 15, 1999.

What revolving spectacle.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 15, 1999.

psst, Robert, that's also there to hynotize 'n pacify DiETer ...

-- A & L (allaha@earthlink.net), June 15, 1999.


That was rough going!

Sorry about your loss Tricia. Blessings!


(Gayla... you figured out this bold thingy yet?)

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 15, 1999.

This has all been very
but you can stop now. My new glasses have arrived.

-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), June 15, 1999.

Big OF YOU. Still trying to get the glasses on ....

-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), June 15, 1999.

WOW! Did I sound scary or what? :-) That was actually for Unc's benefit. He seems to think I am nice all of the time. hee hee! I really didn't have PMS, but I love that line. I saw it on a plaque one time. "I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions?" :-) I'm serious about Rob not quitting, though. We NEED you, Rob! Are you guys still seeing this in bold???? I'm not.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 15, 1999.

No, but now I'm hearing it in colors. Does that count four anything? Three anything?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 15, 1999.

Thanks for all the well-wishing. We leave tomorrow for the funeral Friday, so I'm trying to do all the stuff I had slated to do for Wed-Sunday. But I couldn't resist a quick look in at the BB (who, me? an addict?? I can quit any time!)

BTW, Gayla, I'm still seeing bold, two. (Assuming that's what RCook was talking about). It looks like you've got DieTeR on the run, with your threat of beavers. Is there any animal that he can stand, or is he as anti-animal as he is children?


Finally summer!

Seventy degrees and more!

Rain has gone away :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 15, 1999.

reVOLVinG!!!!!!!!!!! REvOLVIng!!!!!!!! rEVOLvING!!!!!!!!!! reVOLviNg!!!!!!!!!!! REVOlvINg!!!!!!!!rEvOlViNg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



DIetEr LIke!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 15, 1999.

HaUtE ForUm, MorgEn DiE WElT!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 15, 1999.

OK, youz guyz! I am not seeing this in bold, so you'll have to tell me where it started. I will try several things to fix it. Anyone?

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 15, 1999.


-- .. (who@.me.?), June 15, 1999.

I created a MONSTER!! :-) Here I am trying to fix things.... where did that beaver go???

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 15, 1999.

Oh hell - now we've got the [Submit new answer] moving around again.......what you do lady????

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 16, 1999.


-- Tom Cook (the son) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 16, 1999.


It isn't moving on my screen. Are you guyz messing with my head? Is this a conspiracy? ;-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 16, 1999.

What 'tis wrong? Eh?

Might as well ask what is right? But I don't want him left out...Left over? Left under? Quick - check the fridge, there might be left-overs under the overhead underfoot (but not over the toes)...

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 16, 1999.

ThanK YoU BoB!!!!!!! DietEr Now hAS slACk!!!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 16, 1999.

ANd iS BAck To blACk!!!!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 16, 1999.

So now I know what it feels like to be black and white and read all over.....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 16, 1999.

Nobody has accepted my resignation???? Not even Dieter, who I know Hates me???? Hmmmm, that gives me an idea...


Shhhh. Yes, I am talking to you. Shhhh. Good, saintly Dieter, Fighter of Jackels and Infidels. You of many colors, who are NeVEr fOoLisH - I think that You, Dieter, would make a wonderful FRLian Leader. How about it Dieter? Whadda ya say?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 16, 1999.

"NEiN!!!!!! NeiN!!!!!! nEiN!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 16, 1999.


-- (sonofdust@com.net), June 16, 1999.

There once was a young son named Tom

Who tried to get laughs on Yourdon.com

But he forgot his postion

Was fried for the omission

And now knows its best to say "Ooops, I've learned some."

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 17, 1999.

Latest invention from the war department at FRL. Place fruitcake into the left-over sock, duck tape the open end, and you've got yourself a handy hand-to-hand combat weapon.

-- Tom Cook (newestnewbie@Yourdon.com), June 17, 1999.

Especially if said sock is, say, first tenderized on the foot for 3 days running. Bio/chemo warfare! Hey Gayla ... ;^) {Oh, now we know what happened to the very bright red sock! The dryer did not eat it :-}

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 17, 1999.


My name is Mike Roberts. Some of you may remember me from an earlier thread, when Rob was having some uh, difficulties, shall we say. He asked that I write you this message, and as it is 3:30 in the morning now, I ask you to please beaver, er, Bear with me.

Rob is gone. For a while anyway. Right now he is responding to a page from work, again. His work has been taken an increasing toll on him lately, and that coupled with family obligations, Y2K prep, etc., means something has to give. So he will not be posting much until things change, and that is why he is very concerned about the FRL Leadership thing.

He wanted me to start a new thread called "OT - FC IV - The Search for Spock, um, I mean, Rob", but I thought that was too silly even for him. So I just decided this would have to do. Do not worry about him. As his unconcious, or subconcious, or alter-concious, I will help him through this period. Carry on in true FRLian spirit until he returns.

p.s. I won't tell him that one of his really bright red socks is missing. NO, not yet. It would be more than he could, uh, well, you know.

-- Mike Roberts (sonofdust@com.net), June 17, 1999.

OOH, yes, Dieter, you must be our leader. You are the perfect candidate!

We insist!

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 17, 1999.


I just read the thread that you started yesterday. Boy, you caught it under the chin! So sorry that you got scorched. (And they say that women can be catty!)

Your answers (and apologies which I thought unnecessary) were very gracious. What a guy!


PS Loved your idea for a new hand-to-hand weapon.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 17, 1999.

Poor Tom! Poor Rob, too! I guess I shall call off my fight with DiETer. I don't want to add any more stress. (Besides, DieTEr makes me laugh!) :-) I will go to Wal-Mart and see if they have a pair of red socks I can buy for Rob. That way he won't have to know.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 17, 1999.

Hi, all. Wow, what a week you've had here.

Tom, I'm sorry so few of us FRLians actually caught your post before those who don't GI when it comes to humour. You can reserve a suite for me, as long as all the walls are padded, and I can have my favorite friends over to play. You can even join us if you can handle the zaniness.

Rob/Mike I'm sorry to hear that your busy-ness at work continues to conflict with your duties as Left Unhonorable Leader of the Fruitcake Resistance League. However, you are still left as leader (obviously) until you can find someone to become the right honorable leader (or follower, even).

I've got to cut this short - our kitten is sure that the sound of typing is an invitation to play, and I'm getting tired of deleting his contributions... hope you're all well and happy.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 20, 1999.

Happy Dad's Daze to all those who qualify!


BTW, Gayla... the bolding started with Leska (you sly one you) beginning with green and going bold. Was it some text you used Leska?...

"Once ya know how to do it, it's easy, but until then -- GNASH 'n trash, Grrrrr.  "View Source" helps. Seen a variety of ways to do it, and haven't found an easy baby-step site yet, so test it velly carefully and rarely ;^)

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999."

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 20, 1999.

So's how come the red is still "on"?

Tom is safely deposited at Band Camp in IL tromboning for the next week. Jean is percussing in AL for a couple of days - so now will we get a chance to straighten up the house? Or play like Arlin and wife?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 20, 1999.

Oops, I forgot to wish der guys a happy father's day - and when I came back to rectify my omission, Diane's beat me to the punch. So I'll just second her motion ;-)

BTW, Gayla, I'm still getting bold, too - so it's not just Diane's eyes, but I'm not sure about the red Robert's talking about. Maybe he's just too excited about being home alone with the good woman. Enjoy it, Robert! (If this works, you'll see I'm green with envy :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 20, 1999.

Very good Tricia!! It's good to see you back! This thread suffers when you're gone. :-) I'm trying to fix things while I type, but I'm working at a disadvantage since I can't see the bold. Let me know if it goes off. Leska used numbers instead of colors, so I'm not sure how to fix it.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 20, 1999.

Something's messed up? We can't see it! It's looked normal for several posts. Noticed that before -- what we're seeing is different than what some others see. Hey, we use F9 to make spaces  like this? Do any of you see little rectangles? It's blank to us.

We just spent 5 hours meeting & talking with spunl@right! WheeHeee, another Yourdynamite get-together! Another normal, industrious, very creative, concerned GI who is working toward getting ready. Really nice :-) Thank God for this Forum!

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 20, 1999.

Sorry, Gayla, still bold =-77op9 (and my kitten is helping again).

Leska, I do see rectangles when you use F9. And now I'm blue because I still don't know anyone face to face :-( Glad you had a good time with spun, though.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 21, 1999.

I thought I'd give this colour/bold off thing one more try...

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 21, 1999.

Still no lucka nd flu stirking - over to your, Gayla.

-- TRicia the Cnauck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 21, 1999.

Nope, red letters still red - but the font is HUGE and RED! Wow - whatever you did, it's done did got done real good for good!!!!

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 21, 1999.

Robert, are you losing your marbles? What kind of software are you using? I don't think it's "font" compliant!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 21, 1999.

WOW! This is really cool! Just like Forest Gump said, "You never know what you're going to get!"

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 21, 1999.

Still looks absolutely normal to us, black, size 3, normal normal normal. We must be losing it.

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 21, 1999.

nOW WHaT Did YOu dO LesKA?????? dIETEr iS SEEinG oF THe giANt ORangE LEttERs OnLY!!!!!!!!!!! hOw, oH HoW Did YoU FInd ThE FOnt OF tHE sIZE Of 473?????? dIETer muST Now scROLL juST TO reAD EAch INdiviDUAL LettER!!!!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 21, 1999.

Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up.


-- Jerry B (skeptic76@erols.com), June 21, 1999.

At least these colors don't run.


-- Jerry B (skeptic76@erols.com), June 21, 1999.

But they do persist!


-- Jerry B (skeptic65@erols.com), June 21, 1999.

What a bunch of fonts.


-- Jerry B (skeptic76@erols.com), June 21, 1999.

He did it! Recused by the Jerry person. Or is that ...

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 21, 1999.

I am ROTFL!!!!!!! Thanks, Jerry! You found out like I did that every time I put (/font) it would come up with something new! :-) Even when you put 10 of them it didn't fix it. For those of you who don't look at source code, on that last post, Jerry put in about 100 of them. Problem solved! LOL!!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 21, 1999.

YAY! Back to normal. I don't know if I'll ever dare play with fonts again. But Gayla, how do you access source code?

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 21, 1999.

First, I would like to make a public apology to Mr. Cook. His marbles and insanity are still intact. :-) He zipped up a portion of this file and sent it to me, and by golly, his posting really WAS in huge red letters!! I use Internet Explorer on my computer, and everything looked normal to me.

Second, for Ms. Tricia, on Internet Explorer you have a "View" option at the top of your screen. If you click on it, you can choose "Source." It will show you the HTML code that has been used on that thread. Just one word of caution about viewing the source for THIS thread.... there are so many posts that you will have to open it in Notepad or something else. You might want to choose a thread with only a few answers in it to look at the code.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 21, 1999.

Thanks, Gayla. I use Netscape and the view button works just fine. I wonder why you weren't getting bold while I was.

Robert, have you got the regular font now, too? Sorry I ever doubted your eyes. I thought it suspicious that only you and DieTEr were complaining about seeing red (and big). One letter per page must have made reading a challenge! Hope you're still with us.


Robert rarely posts

In limmerick or haiku

When he does, he's good!


Robert claims odd things..

He says haiku makes him sneeze

Gesunheit, Robert!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 22, 1999.

No more haiku blue,

Or socking red,

Relief... eyes cleared.

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 22, 1999.

I dunno, Diane. Socking reds are very useful for hand to hand combat - didn't you see Tom's post above? Might not want to get rid of them ;-)


There once were some threads called fruitcakes,

the subject range was odd, make no mistake.

There were fruitcakes, of course,

Beavers, cats and a horse,

Stealth geese, terns and ducks - even the drakes.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 22, 1999.

I'm sad! I missed this whole thing completely!:-(

Oh, well.

We shall have to find something else fun to do with html's.

(tee hee hee)

-- home from school (no@address.foryou), June 22, 1999.

OK, home from school, we'll just have to start writing some secret messages around here. Did you get that? You wanted something new to do with HTML. Secret messages will now be all the rage on this forum. :-) Have fun!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 23, 1999.

Sounds like fun. I just have to think of something interesting to say. Secret messages aren't as much fun if they don't say anything.:)

-- home from school (no@address.foryou), June 23, 1999.

Very good! The simple fact that the message is hidden will make it humorous!"

I just gotta learn where to make my "break" in the words, so no one will know for sure! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 23, 1999.

Waht secret messages? I can mispleell faster than anybody - so what;s thepoint about secret mesages? See gayka;, you can make word bresaks anyplace tyou want as long as you typoe without backing up and re-reading everything.

Now, if i never proofread anything, then all of this would need the secret decoding ring.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 24, 1999.

Robert, your typing is worse than mine (excepting alphabet 'flu, of course), and that's saying something. Typing 10 is the only high school course I ever failed, and the only thing I failed after art was no longer compulsory. As for secret messages, see Gayla's answer on viewing source. BTW, are you enjoying your week NK (no kids)?

Gayla:I knew you'd come up with a way to play html games. It's nice to see you looking in on us once in a while. Does that mean I'm no longer required to keep an eye out for good threads? Robert would likely do a better job of that any way :-) Most good threads I read have his comments in them somewhere.

Rob, hope you get enough time off to peek in this weekend. I admire your ability to leave the BB - I know I spend far too much time here. Speaking of which: 'Bye!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 24, 1999.

Lead the forum, not leave, lead.

Unless he leaves lead in those who were led while leading those whom he led into lead. In which case they'd be dead leaded leaderless led leaders left leaderless. Right?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 24, 1999.

Robert, hold down your mouse button and drag it across those blank spaces. :-) Tricia made one, too! I've put secret messages on several other threads. hee hee!

I think Tricia really did mean leave. As in, how does he stay away so long? Those who are addicted need a remedy for breaking their habit. :-) In Rob's case, I don't think he has much choice. His work helps him break the habit!

Tricia, as soon as I decided to take a break and get some work done outside, we have had rain EVERY day. I am sooooo sick of rain I could SCREAM! There are mushrooms and mosquitoes everywhere! aaarrrggghhh!!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 24, 1999.

Oops, sorry Robert. Gayla was right about the intent of my question, but we can't leave any out for that slippery Left Unhonored Leader of ours.

I owe him an apology for calling him the Unhonorable Leader - he's certainly honorable enough - just unhonored. I'm sorry, Rob! I think every leader takes a few days off now and then, so we'll gracelessly accept your absence. As long as you return ASAP (get the lead out ;-). When you do come back, maybe it's time to start yet another FC (or let it die an unnatural death), it's getting close to 100k.


Friends have gone missing

Chris, Hardliner, and Donna

rarely post here now.


Come play again soon

In haiku or limmerick

We miss you all lots!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 25, 1999.

It was a GREAT day!

Sun came out, I went swimming;

Preps took a "back seat!" :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), June 26, 1999.

A week at Youth Camp

thirty sweaty teen-agers

dif'rent reality

Wow, you all solved the font problems while I was gone. (But did you solve the _world's_ problems?) Oh well, perhaps a week is too short a time in which to whip world hunger, etc.

Went to camp as chief cook and bottle washer for a week with our two youngest. Didn't solve world problems there but did see kids grow to love God more and _that_ will give the kids an edge over their problems.

I knew that when I returned that I would not be able to reconstruct all the posts for the week. Anybody care to give me a re-cap of the highlights? "Just the facts, ma'am", 'tho I do admit a weakness for the OT humor threads and a sort of perverse interest in the strange al-d's posts. Any info would be appreciated.

And in closing:

Poor Robert and wife

Jean and Junior gone to camps

Re-acquaintance time

Missed you all, Linda

-- newbiebutnodummie (Linda@home.com), June 26, 1999.

Moonlight on the lake,

silent breezes stir the trees,

all await the dawn.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), June 26, 1999.

Wow, y'all are gettin real good at that haiku stuff! Unc's done a good teaching job.

I've gotta be different,

Can't be the same.

I'll write this in cement,

but I won't sign my name! ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 27, 1999.

Spring yields to Summer,

over the expectant Earth,

stars dot the night sky.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 27, 1999.

everyone - that is the most entertainment I have had in months. Thanks so much - I truly needed a good belly laugh. This thread is fantastic. Even if nobody posts ever again - it goes in my favorite folder for blue funk days.

and did I mention educational too?

did I embarass myself with use of color?


-- justme (finally@home.com), June 27, 1999.

Welcome to you, justme - Finder of the Thread, Laugher from the middle regions, and Newest FRLian. Now,

There is nothing at all funny about this thread, you can't possibly be serious! We FRLians take our business of protecting our Fruitcake Freedoms very, very, seriously. Please take some time to educate yourself and I am sure you will come to the same delusion.

Long Live the FRL!

-- Ron Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 27, 1999.

Rob, have you been drinking again? You signed your name Ron. You are getting me confused! However, I must say, that is some of the best haiku I've seen in a long time. I love the ones that create a picture in my mind! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 28, 1999.

Whew! Dat breaking DC (discontinued ;) expose gots us dizzy! Stock up on zee fruitcakes zoon. Gotta find FCI to refresh fortification strategies. Can feel the foundation starting to stir like trillions of winter worms thawing and wiggling. Fierce beaked hungry birds up there poking insistently on the ground, tap peck tap peck invitation to be gullet dinner.

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 28, 1999.

Nice haiku, Rob. Gesunheit, Robert.

Gayla, it sounds like your summer may be like ours - cold and wet. You'd think we were in Cascadia or something ;-)

Ashton and Leska, your imagery is getting awfully morbid. Do you need a break? Diane gave you some good advice; take your Imac for a sunny walk @ @ @ (imac paw prints) :-)

Welcome back, Linda. Welcome to the asylum's asylum, justme, you can check out Fruitcakes 1 and 2 by accessing FC2 at the top of this thread. I have to admit, I think FC1 is still my favorite, although a bit long :-D


This is where we play

when we're down from Y2K

Preps are never done


Robin and sparrow

arguing over tree branch

both want the sunshine.


I've got to go find out if I need a passport to visit my aunt in Renton. Hope your days go well.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 28, 1999.

we should refer to this thread any time a regular gets high and mighty about wasting bandwith

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), June 28, 1999.

Zoobie, you'll rarely find one of us complaining about anyone wasting band width. We all know we're guilty :-) The rest of the BB puts up with us for Robert's sake - he's too valuable to alienate. Also, I think anyone who takes Y2K seriously finds that they need a humour break on occasion. FRL to the rescue!! I've enjoyed your posts, welcome to the FRL.

BTW, you do know that you're an FRLian by virtue of having posted here, right? Best obey all the rules or find yourself disciplined - better hope our fearless left unhonoured leader is sober if that happens!

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 28, 1999.

Hey! Who you callin unhonored and left? I am a liberfruitian, not left, not right! Sheesh! And yes I am sober now, and no I was not at it last night. Sheesh! The 'b' is next to the 'n' you know! And I was posting by only the light of the monitor since I was about to go to sleep. So stop casting aspersions on my character.

Welcome zoobie, Most Reluctant FRLian, Measurer of Bandwidth.

I'll be popping in when I can, but not much time till the weekend. Maybe it's time four Fruitcake IV by then.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 28, 1999.

zoobie-I find this thread and it's predecessors to be anything BUT wasted bandwidth.

Here we are all friends

Our collective hair let down


And for those of you male types who don't have much hair to let down, I've got enough to share with one or two of you! Step right up, folks, only $19.95 for a 1 pound bag of y2k compliant hair!

Get with the program, zoobie. Linda

PS Justme, glad you joined the fun.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 28, 1999.

Tricia, VERY nice haiku!! I don't think you need a passport. Probably just a birth certificate will do. At least that's the case from this side.

Linda, you GO girl!! :-) Zoobie's all mad cause al-d got the axe. Well, Zoobie, if al-d had kept one thread going with all of his antics, no one would have complained. (Unlike you!) The problem with al-d was that he started about 6 new threads each day. We confine our "antics" to this one thread.

Now, Rob! I would NEVER "cast aspersions." I've been known to cast fruitcakes, cannon balls and other such items, but never aspersions. However, I have recently requested that DiETeR help me learn how to be meaner and more intimidating. (So watch out!) ;-)

Lesson 1 was to think with a German accent while typing. (Problem is, I keep imagining Colonel Klink!) I will try harder!!!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 28, 1999.

sOfT DEweY FLoweR

aS SWeeT aS HonEY NEctAR

beWArE Of HeR THorNS

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 28, 1999.


-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 28, 1999.

Wow, DIeTer, better be careful, you're giving yourself away!


There once was a fruitcake called Zoobie,

He managed to rile up Newbie,

But we'll have no fight,

'Cause Gayla is right,

And our humour has just one place to be.


I sure wish limmericks were easier to do, for me. Gotta stretch for those rhymes without losing the metre. Off to work now - good evening, folks.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 28, 1999.

Well, Dieter, that was positively sweet. I didn't know you had it in you.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 28, 1999.

um ... any other FRLians notice 1/2 thread now blank? scrolllllllllling white white white white white no hidden messages either.

-- blank (blankspaces@blank.blank), June 28, 1999.

Sir Dieter;

That, Sir, was far and away your best one ever! You have yet again surpassed the standard of excellence that we mere mortals can but dream of achieving. Thank you.

Say Hi to Mrs. Dieter for us all too. You must be a riot to live with, she a Saint to allow it to be so.

I stand in awe and wonder.


-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), June 28, 1999.

No blanks. The thread is ok. Must be your browser or something.

Gayla: Mean and intimdating? You? But I like you the way you are now! Besides, when at war you can rock and roll with the best of them. I know. I've had to make the peace. Twice!!

Dieter: Well all I can say is it's about time. We have been waitin' since June 3 for your haiku! You know what though?

It was worth the wait, uh, weight (in fruitcake).

Tricia: Thanks for that last limerick. LOL. It's time for sleep now so I will go with a smile on my face amd laugh in my dreams tonight.

-- (sonofdust@com.net), June 28, 1999.



Oh Great One, Knower of all you Know, Official Keeper of the Count, and Sacrificer of Fingers and Toes - I am beside myself, or behind myself, or at least in my immediate vicinity with joy at your return. Now I shall sleep happily and peacefully. Don't be a stranger Good Sir.

-- (sonofdust@com.net), June 28, 1999.

FaT Un-gaINLy BirD

WickED StiNGeR In iT's aSS


-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 28, 1999.

Sir Dieter;

On behalf of all of those who had the pleasure of soaring with the lady, even when going in harms way, I say Thank You for your sentiments and for the compliment as to the stingers. We tried our best to make it so.


-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), June 29, 1999.

SOBob, it's great to see you again! Are you going to do the count thing? 'Nobody does it better...'

Blank, we had a bunch of trouble with fonts that seemed to do different things on different people's machines - maybe yours just comes up blank. Try looking at source, if you want to read the 'hidden' posts, by going to "view" and then into document source. If that's not the problem, then your guess is as good as mine (or, more likely, better). Let us know if you solve the puzzle :-)


Quiet early morn

Sun shining brightly above

Urges birds to rise.

-- Tricia the Cnauck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), June 29, 1999.

Ms. Tricia,

Thank you for your words of welcome.

As regards your question as to the count for this, The Grandson/Grand Daughter, of the original Fruitcake thread, a quick count is 205 as of your post, reference the count.

Just goes to show that humor is still a requirement of life and sanity even as we face our nightmare.

I hope that the extra ration of sunshine that I requested for your area got to you OK.



-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), June 29, 1999.

S.O.B. Thank you for the official count, as only you can do it. Looks like we are around the 1000 answers mark for the three threads!

As I wrote in my welcome back message to you above, we are filled with joy at your return.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@com.net), June 29, 1999.

My! It's hot out there! Just came in for a cold brew. Slurp! 'K, back to work.

(I think the trolls are nearly finally neutralized...)

-- lisa (lisab@shallc.com), June 29, 1999.

Counting the ticks

Tocking the tocks

What chimes?

Does Y2K toll for thee?

Or do preps make you free?

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), June 29, 1999.

I found a tick the other day and I tock it off of me as fast as I could!

Dieter, I must say that your second haiku has cancelled out the sweetness of the first one. Ah's me.

-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), June 29, 1999.

Hi Linda! DiETeR is referring to some type of military plane. S.O.B. knew what he was talking about. (That's OK, the picture I got was of a bee! LOL!) I guess it's a man thing! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 29, 1999.

Nah It's a BOMBING thing (err B-52 affectionately known as a Big Ugly F um, er, um ELLER, that's it!) A BUF


(A second F is sometimes added for Fat)

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), June 29, 1999.

The "stinger" is the set of cannon(s) and radar at the tail of the B-52. The gunner sits in the back (early models) and shoots down the attackers coming from behind.

This obviously honors SOBob's ability to fly the airplane while looking backwards. Thus, he is the only one who can land where he was, looking at where he used to be, rather than land in the place where he will be when he gets there later.

But because he's backwards, of course that means he gets back before he arrives at where he is going to be later ..... unless the pilot backs up ... which is not usually recommended in an airplane.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 30, 1999.

Robert A. Cook, PE,

Not only that Sir Robert, but, due to the nature of such things, I took off after the rest of the crew did and I landed before they did. So, for a short time, I was my own airplane but I had no engines. Way cool, eh what? I had no idea just where I was going either. I could see everywhere but where I was going to be. A whole lot like it is today.

One of the little games that we all played with the pilot was using the turret, (the piece of the plane where the guns were mounted), to get the aircraft to start doing a small "Dutch Roll". By moving the turret out to one side of the plane it would deflect the airflow slightly. This in turn would cause the autopilot to correct for that extra drag effect. We then moved the turret to the other side of the plane, and the autopilot would then correct for that drag. By repeating this over a period of time we could get the bird to go into a "Dutch Roll" and just wander back and forth about 5 degrees either side of the desired heading. This would go on until the pilot stopped it by one of two ways. He would either just say "knock it off Guns", or he would take the autopilot off and move the rudder rapidly back and forth a few times which bounced me around like a ping pong ball in retaliation, a method known as "the gunner's alarm clock". Both methods were equally effective to end the game. It was "required" that we do it to the newbees. Right of passage type thing to see if they would know what was going on.

Who says that you can't have fun anytime, anywhere? You just have to use whatever toys that you have at hand.

Ah, the thrilling days of yesteryear.

From 4x50 cals to fruitcakes and beavers. You use the weapons at hand.


-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), June 30, 1999.

Ah, SOBob, you made my hubby laugh (much more impressive than getting me rofl).


Ping pong balls bouncing

Cannons suddenly quiet

Fun comes to an end.

-- Tricia the Canuck (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), July 01, 1999.

Ms. Tricia,

I'm glad to hear that your husband enjoyed that little trip down my memory lane. 'Tis but one of thousands of those "there I was at 50,000 feet" type things that stick in what passes for my mind.

Thank you also for your haiku. That was very nice of you.

Unfortunately, I have an insufficient command of the English language and, therefore I cannot respond in kind.

Some things just won't stick in my mind.

Writing and HTML, computers and their programming. These are but a few of the mysteries that I cannot fathom. It would take me at least a week to conjure up such a thing as you all type on the fly.

Oh well, such is life.

Rob Michaels,

Thank you too for the welcome back.

It is nice to know that I was missed somewhere in cyberland.

I will try to check in more often now that (hopefully) the latest round of "real life" stuff is history. We shall see. I hate it when real life steals a piece of my fruitcake time.

Again, Thanks to all.



-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), July 01, 1999.

Part IV is born...

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), July 01, 1999.

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