Wedding Planning: Stories from the 6th Circle of Hell

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TM Shae.

How did your coordinator screw you up? Which insane relative insisted things had to be done HER way? What horrible songs did your DJ spin at the reception? And how much liquor did it take to keep you from losting it? Kvetch about the hell you went through when you planned your wedding.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2001

Answers

My wedding planning actually went fairly well it just took forever.

Of course we planned it all ourselves at a location 800 miles away from either parent. And we paid for 95% of it. And it was very small (40 people) and other than the clothing we did it all ourselves. I made all the centerpieces - wooden mailboxes painted white with pale pink/peach/apricot vining roses aroudn the name of a different author for each table, sitting on a stack of 3 books. Walden by Thoreau because his family once owned the house that eventually became the hotel where we had our reception; Madeline's Ghost because it's my favorite book and it's a love story; and another that I can't for the life of me remember but it was another local Boston area writer and it was a romance. (We had a sort of romantic letters theme because we met through email and Boston has so much literary history.) I ordered all the roses through a wholesaler in California over the internet and made my bouquet, the bouquets my sister and the flower girl wore, all the coursages and boutanniers, and my aunts made the alter flowers. For the table flowers we bought old/antique colored wine/water glasses and put one at each table with a rose floating in it. (We set a limit of no more than $5 per glass and we tried not to get too many that matched; we did buy a set of 11 beautiful gray goblets but we didn't put any beside each other.) Those glasses were the favor each guest took and the books and mailboxes were given to the person at each table that wanted them the most. I made all the chapel decorations from swags of tulle intertwined with vines of dried roses; aroudn the alters I put tulle, gathered together with silk roses. My mother made the ring bearers pillows. I made my veil and a lace-covered headband that it attached to with velcro so I could remove it at the reception.

Um, I guess I jsut made this a "brag about yoru wedding" thread. So, um, circle of hell stories. I know there have to be some I was so stressed for 9 months. . . hmm. . .

Well, I bought two wedding dresses. For the first one I went to a designer's day at a local shop; this designer had outrageously expensive wedding dresses but their bridesmaids dresses weren't that expensive if bought for wedding dresses and I wanted a less formal look. Of course the samples were all in size 10 and I was a 16. It was a two piece dress, with a "crop" top that had tulle sleeves on a distressed satin bodice and one of those big, puffy, floaty, ballerina tulle skirts. I had to just sort of hold them against myself and guess how they would look in my size and in this sort of silvery-white color instead of the mustard yellow the sample was in. I decided I liked it, paid a deposit, ordered.

It came and I tried it on at the store and I BURST into tears. rog heard me from outside the dressing room (this being back in my no license days) and freaked out. "What's wrong?" "I look awful, I'm too fat, I can't wear this, I'll feel like a big ugly fat pig on my wedding day!" Truly, it was awful on me. No one over a size 4 shoudl wear that skirt but of course all the fawning sales people swore it looked good on me. I cried and cried and cried on the way home because we had to pay for it and I had this dress and the budget was tight and I knew I was going to hate, hate, hate it and my wedding day would suck.

But rog convinced me that me feeling good was more important than the budget and I should get another dress. I managed to sell that dress to a girl on a wedding email list who needed formal clothes for her honeymoon cruise; I got 75% of what I paid and ended up going to David's Bridal (shut up) despite myself because I needed a dress fast and cheap. I found one that one had a little bit of very subtle lace and beading on the bodice and sleeve (the dress was basically beige though they called it off white and the lace matched exactly while the beading was a sort of ashes of roses and there were clear sequins so it sparkled a bit without seeing little circles of white) and had a bustle that gathered with three roses of the dress fabric lined with the ashes of roses color. It wasn't quite the "off beat, casual" look I wanted but it wasn't 80 tons of lace and glitter and it was only $200 and it fit me and I wore it without a petticoat so it wasn't too pouffy so it was fine. I didn't feel beautiful but I felt dressy and happy at least.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2001


I was pretty laid-back about the whole process (I planned the whole thing in 3 months), and it turned out fine. The main things I was freaky about were a good photographer, and a good dress. I let everything else take care of itself, pretty much.

The only really weird situation was the fucking "wedding coordinator" that the historic church we chose for the ceremony provided on the wedding day. Keep in mind I had never before met this woman, and she was really in the way, besides making annoying comments like, "you girls might want to take your stuff out to your cars after you get ready, that way you won't have to come back after the (what turned out to be 10-minute) ceremony and get it," obviously wanting to make sure we were out of the way before the next wedding party arrived.

I finally lost it with her when my brother had to drive back to my house to get my petticoat (yeah, I forgot it... I am a loser), and she showed up in the dressing room doorway at 10 til 6, asking if we were almost ready.

Me: "Yeah, we're just waiting for my brother to get back with my petticoat. Should be any minute."

Her: (looking pointedly at her watch) "Well, how long do you think we should wait for him?"

Me: (totally losing it) "WELL... considering he's bringin an integral part of me ensemble, plus the fact that he's a GROOMSMAN, and my ONLY SIBLING, I think we'll give him all the time he needs. Besides, if I remember correctly, I've paid to have the church at my disposal from FIVE until SEVEN. So my girls and I will be leaving all of our stuff here in the room until SEVEN, and if my brother doesn't show up until 6:45, we'll just have the wedding then. Oh, and if I come back after the ceremony, at 6:59 or something, and find the next wedding party in here, after we were so careful not to show up before FIVE, like you SAID, some heads are going to roll."

Then I smiled sweetly while my stepmom made frantic applause noises behind the woman's back.

We didn't see much of her after that. Bitch.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2001


Of course we planned it all ourselves at a location 800 miles away from either parent.

I have a friend who did this and she nearly lost her mind.

80 tons of lace and glitter is very funny. Thank goodness _rog was so understanding. And, you know, if you can find something at David's Bridal, of COURSE you should get it! $200 for a dress you liked?! That's awesome.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2001


I served as my own wedding coordinator, I guess. Mine was a small wedding held in a private home. It was the second marriage for both of us. I had only one attendant and she was coming in from out of state. I made my dress, the flower girl (my daughter) and the maid of honor dress. I asked her what size and she said 8. So that is what I made. She arrived the day before the wedding and tried the damn thing on. It did not even come close to zipping up. No where in the vicinity of close. My favorite wedding memory is of she and I just rolling on the floor laughing about the stupid dress. I literally cut the back out of the dress from the neck to the waist, added a couple of criss-cross straps to hold the damn thing on and we went with it. It actually looked better than the original design, but I finished the modifications on the morning of the wedding.

The other story is with the wedding cakes. My to-be mother-in-law is one of the premiere wedding cake people in this area. She wanted to do the cakes for us. I selected an understated italian creme. She asked if I wanted a fountain. I said no, this is a second marriage, I am 30 years old, a fountain would be too bridey. Hubby ordered the requisite chocolate cake/ chocolate covered strawberry groomscake.

MIL2B asked me again some weeks later about the fountain. Again, I declined. Well, you knew this was coming. I show up at the reception area, and there is a fountain under the cake the size of a birdbath. Spewing pink liquid, for heaven's sake. Oh, and she forgot to do her son's groomscake. I sent a friend to Sam's for some cheesecakes. Do you THINK she had some issues?

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2001


Okay, here's something you probably don't know about me: I was 17 years old when I got married. Yes. I was. Not pregnant, just headstrong.

Because it was so long ago, I can't remember much hell associated with the whole thing. I found the beautiful perfect dress easily and within my budget, the church was exactly like I always pictured, flowers were abundant and inexpensive because my Mommy was a big client of the florist, and the guest list was easy. No honeymoon, really. My one big issue was that I insisted on having a dried floral wreath veil with no poof, and when I finally found a suitable one, it was delivered folded in half, shaped like a headband. After months of freaking out over finding the perfect veil, about an hour before my wedding I decided that the folded, headband wreath looked better. I'm surprised my mother didn't strike me.

The groom was in the military and living out of state, so he had only 2 responsibilities: rings and tux. He remembered the rings. It was very important to me that he not wear his military uniform at our wedding. So, he wore his military uniform (dress blues). I should have known, then.

Believe me, I had my picture perfect formal wedding. It went beautifully. And next time, I just want to have fun. Not that you can't have both! But, considering the subject of this thread, I think you know what I mean.

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2001



I planned my wedding in four months, paid for 95% of it, and put it together by myself without a coordinator. The planning went fairly well and it turned out to be a beautiful wedding. But some shit went wrong, y'all.

I bought my dress at David's Bridal, and I make no apologies. I was all about the excellent price and how it fit perfectly except it was a bit too long. And the alterations and pressing are free, what a great bargain! Except when they called me up ONE WEEK before my wedding and told me they were postponing the alteration of my dress to make room for "priority weddings." I was like, "EXCUSE ME, I don't understand how a wedding one week away is not a priority???" Eventually they fit me in, and the dress fit fine. But the panic I experienced was some significant nonsense.

After the wedding was over, I found out that my ushers did not seat ONE person. Our wedding was on the rooftop of a restaurant with a skyline view and the seating arrangement was fairly informal, so these assclowns just decided to let people sit themselves where they wanted. And there was a mixup with the pianist, they did not find the electrical cord for the organ until five minutes AFTER I was supposed to be walking down the aisle. I almost didn't get to walk down the aisle to the Bridal March, but then I did.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2001


Heck, y'all... I got MY dress at BrideSmart, fer chrissake. Can't say I'd recommend them as far as service, but it was so totally worth it, just for the experience of having a complete crack whore wait on me while I was there, staggering to the doorway of my dressing room from time to time and trying desperately to get me to try something in "Rum Paink... becaushe I put ALLLLLLL mah redhaid brahds in rhum paink."

She was a nutcase. I ended up with an off-white dress. Freak.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2001


No problems with my DJ...I threatened him that if he played the Macarena I wouldn't pay him the rest of his fee. Lawyer that I am, I even wrote it into his contract. Told him if someone tried to get him to play it they'd better tip him more than I still owed him because I would not be paying him if it got played...I hate that song...and it did NOT get played at my wedding reception!

Had a few scuffles with my mother over some minor stuff. Things that were important to her, but not to me I let her have her way. Things that I knew I would regret if I let her have her way (how I wore my hair & whether my father lifted my veil before he sat down [my choice] or whether my husband lifted it at the end of the ceremony [the way it SHOULD be done]) I stuck to my guns & said NO.

The only really bad thing about our wedding was the pictures. Unfortunately, the photographer's mother died suddenly of a brain aneurysm on Friday night before we got married on Saturday. He got a replacement for us, but the replacement sucked. A lot of pictures that didn't get taken that should have & not the greatest pictures in the world. I've let it go...but my mother is still seething...*L*

Other than that it all went pretty well.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


Can I ask wedding related questions here? These are hypotheticals and I want everyone's thoughts. How would you feel about being invited to an evening wedding (7:30 ceremony, reception immediately following...say 8:30 to 12) if the reception was heavy hors d'oeuvres, full blown dessert buffet, open bar, band/dancing...but no dinner. Is that tacky? Would you know to eat before the ceremony?

I'm debating a reception on a beautiful botanical garden terrace, tented in early June, swing band, etc. But I really want a late candlelight wedding and a sophisticated cocktail reception after. Thoughts re: tackiness (or lack thereof) of a dinnerless reception?

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


I think for a ceremony that late a heavy whore-de-vors and desserts reception is fine. Just make sure the invitation or reception card say something like "cocktail reception" or other wording to indicate it.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


Definitely, Catherine.

I had my wedding at 6, then everyone partied over at the reception place until around 11:30 or so. I just had a buffet of hot and cold hors d'ouvres-y things, and everyone seemed to be fine with that, milling around and sipping cocktails.

Plus it saves you the nightmare of seating arrangements.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


Can I ask wedding related questions here? These are hypotheticals and I want everyone's thoughts. How would you feel about being invited to an evening wedding (7:30 ceremony, reception immediately following...say 8:30 to 12) if the reception was heavy hors d'oeuvres, full blown dessert buffet, open bar, band/dancing...but no dinner. Is that tacky?

I think that sounds really gorgeous. Sometimes the sit down dinners can be long, stuffy and boring. This sound more relaxed, elegant and fun. I'd go with it. Besides, it is YOUR wedding.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


Catherine, are you in the North or the South? See, my wedding is at 7:30, reception at 8:30, etc, and where I come form (New Orleans) heavy hors d' oeuvres is the ONLY way to go. The only people who have sit-down dinners are the Yankee transplants, for real. So, if you're in the South, there's no reason to specity what kind of reception you're having at all.

If you're in the North, you may want to put "cocktail reception" only because in my experience, your Yankee friends and loved ones might not understand the elegance and class of a heavy hors d' oeuvres and they'll be all "What? No sit down dinner?!"

And really, I'd say that as a guest, it would be tacky to eat *before* the ceremony - you should always assume that if your host is requesting your attendance during the dinner hour, they'll be classy enough to feed you appropriately. And if it's a Catholic ceremony and you're planning to take communion, eating is out of the question, anyway.

(Besides, I am not a fan of sit-down dinners. I don't think they are conducive to mingling, at all, and you can do a lot more with your money by hosting a cocktail reception. And don't even get me started on how much I hate - HATE - the concept of the head table, where the bride and groom and the wedding party have to eat their chicken cordon bleu in front of an audience, looking all uncomfortable and awkward. Oh! And when the guests bang their glasses to get the happy couple to kiss - so sad.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


T, I am quite glad that you and C will not be subjected to wine-glass fascism. Should I ever get married and my guests try to pull that shit on me, they will be treated to the spectacle of a makeout session that the videographer will want to sell to lonely people. And the guests will not do it twice.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001

For real. I once worked a wedding where the couple's GRANPARENTS were banging their glasses. Ew. There are many things I won't do in front of my grandparents, and mugging down with a mouthful of salmon is one of them.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2001


Thanks, everyone for your thoughts. I am in the North (Ohio, specifically) and I think "cocktail reception" or something to that effect will need to be on the invites to clarify things for those expecting dinner.

I'm Episcopalian so the Mass (with communion) should be about an hour long...we're thinking reception from 8:30 to midnight. I am firmly opposed to the following things (just my opinion): head tables, videographers, garter removal and tossing, the stuffing of cake in each others mouths, any type of line or group dancing at the reception, the dollar dance and the glassware clinking. I'm a big fan of black and white candid photography, bridal party attendants being able to sit with their SO at the reception, toasts from loved ones, etc. With the money we'll save by not doing a dinner, we'll have a fully stocked bar, oodles of hors d'ouevres, a magnificent dessert buffet (our favors are going to be individual mini wedding cakes for all the guests to take home) and loads of champagne and flowers.

I'm thinking lots about this, but we're not even engaged yet. I know he's been ring shopping and consulted my family, but we're going to Boston for a long weekend in mid-October and I think he's going to do it then. I'm hoping that if I handle dealing with the parents', their finances, and so on firmly and early on in the process this won't turn into a wedding planning process from hell.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001


My ceremony started at 5:30 and being a Northern gal I did indeed have a sit-down dinner reception. Even though I figured it was obvious that I'd be feeding my peeps, I put "Dinner Reception" at the bottom of the invites so nobody would stuff themselves before they came. And some people were STILL surprised after cocktails and hors d'uerves that we would be eating dinner.

The wedding shed-yoool went like this: ceremony, about 15 minutes, tops. Then we had a 45 minute cocktail reception with appetizers so guests could mingle and get their drink on and enjoy the skyline view while we had our pictures taken. (I think that's very important, giving your guests something to do while you're not available. I have gone to SO many weddings where we're all sitting around with growling stomachs, waiting for the damn photographer to finish up already so we can EAT.) Then we all went downstairs to the restaurant and ate dinner. My husband and I sat at a sweetheart table in a quiet corner of the room and enjoyed our first meal as a married couple WITHOUT a bunch of obnoxious people banging on wine glasses. And I LABORED over the seating assignments, people, to maximize socializing. After everyone was done eating (I credit the AWESOME service of the restaurant we used for keeping the whole thing flowing), we started the dancing.

I think it helps to really know your crowd. My husband's family would have felt extremely awkward at a cocktail reception that was heavy on the mingling, as they like to keep to themselves. We also had mostly couples, very few single people, so there wasn't a fear that somebody wouldn't have anyone interesting to talk to.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001


I'm hoping that if I handle dealing with the parents', their finances, and so on firmly and early on in the process this won't turn into a wedding planning process from hell.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAA.

Godspeed, Catherine. I shared those hopes and dreams. And now that we're four months into the planning process, I can say with confidence that no matter how organizad you are, how set your budget is, and how firm your intentions are, it will be hell.

Take, for example, my father, who wants to cater our wedding for $5,000, but insits that no one can be removed from our 500+ guest list.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001


And Catherine, it's a very good thing that you're already thinking about these things. We (my mother and I) started seriously thinking about these things in late March. Apparently, I'm way ahead of other late-May brides, so yes, think about these things.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Even without parents and stuff and small, set ideas it can be hell. Or parts of it. There's just so much pressure because it's your Wedding Day and the two of you want to make it special and reflective of you and the pressure. . . gak!

My big advice? If you are writing your own vows and/or ceremony make sure you read it outloud and time it several times. We didn't do that, assuming that two pages of single type and a reading woudl be a long ceremony. We found out at rehearsal that this was not true (especially since we ask the officiant not to do any sort of sermon/preaching although comments on the nature of married life without the whole "as you are to each other we are to god" thing). 7 mins. of ceremony. The guests looks rather stunned.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001


Slickery, my entire ceremony was 10 minutes. Including the churchy god stuff.

We planned it that way to get it over with as quickly as possible for our guests' sake (and ours!), so that they could run over to the reception hall and begin getting their drink on.

Everyone was thrilled to death about it, actually.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


The only reason why SmokerBro's wedding ceremony lasted longer than 10 minutes was (1) the minister asked us to pray twice and (2) the bride had a 5-foot-long train and simply could not move that quickly.

T, all 500 guests don't have to take communion, do they? Yikes.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


No - only the Catholic guests will likely take communion. Thing is, my family is Irish-Catholic (except the rogue Protestants on my father's side) and his family is Polish Catholic. We're recruiting every eucharistic minister in the family to give communion, though, and that should make things move pretty quickly. Our ceremony will probably last an hour, and we don't mind the length at all.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

I like the long ones. Of course, that is abnoramal - most Protestants start getting a little itchy after the 15 minute mark.

The wedding I'm singing in Oct. 13 weekend is high church Anglican with two priests and about 500 songs. Both the bride and groom are musicians and they're having us do music or music response after every single element of the service. It's going to be beautiful, but quite long.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


No - only the Catholic guests will likely take communion.

So Anna and I will be all up there with our non-communion Protestant selves?

I like longer services, if they're done well. If not they're just boring and nobody wants that when there's free liquor to be had.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


See, I sort of think that a lifetime commitment is worth at least an hour of my time.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

I'm in a bad mood, and shouldn't be posting. But:

See, I sort of think that a lifetime commitment is worth at least an hour of my time.

See, I would say that the ceremony and the lifetime commitment are two different things. Either the lifetime commitment is made in an instant, when you say, "I do," and stick to that, or -- depending or your view of love -- lifetime commitment is something you renew minute by minute, day by day, year by year, and only at the end when you've been married 30 or 50 or 65 years can you honestly look back and say you made a lifetime commitment. The ceremony, whatever its length, is superfluous: public affirmation of a private decision, or a series of private decisions.

But as I've said before, I'm not church-going, and wouldn't feel the need to actually be in a church and having a specific ceremony to seal the deal. I want a rabbi at my wedding -- kind of -- but I'm not going to feel that God is watching me and saying, "Okay, I'm going to hold you to this one."

Anyway. I'm just relapsing somewhat, and not having much confidence in God or church at the moment.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


I think the type of service (or non-service) that a couple has should be as unique as the couple themselves. I'm from a fairly religious, or should I say church-going, family. Our Mass will include Communion that most of the guests will probably participate in. For me, and my future husband, this is the most important aspect of the day. Not to say the reception afterwards won't be a total blast, and I'll bevery ready for a big 'ol glass of champagne. :)

However, one of the best weddings I ever attended was a very short, rather secular service in a non-denominational church that took about 15 minutes. The couple was very much in love, it showed all over their faces and they recessed down the aisle to the Star Wars theme played by the organist. Too cool and very reflective of the couple.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


Oh, the ceremony is definitely a personal thing, but I absolutely think it's the most important of the day. I mean, you don't propose by saying, "Will you have a reception with me?"

It just irks me when I'm at a wedding and ten seconds past the fifteen minute mark, the guests start to get antsy. It's terribly rude. The same thing goes for people who scoff at quick ceremonies (I'm not choosing a short ceremony for myself, but I really don't care what other people do - your ceremony is a reflection of your particular relationship, I think. Faith is often integral to that reflection, but it's not for everyone. Anyway.) The couple getting married thought enough of you to request your presence at what is, so far, the most important day in their lives together. The least you can do as a guest is respect their ceremony, whatever it may be.

(And WG - I have a wretched head cold and my mood is just terrible. What I mean is, I don't mind that you posted, at all. You have enough to worry about.)

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


I mentally plan on being at services for an hour during weddings (a little more if the happy couple is Catholic and there's a mass). Obvioisly, most weddings are shorter, but somehow doing that keeps me from getting all fidgety.

I do agree with T that a lifetime committment is worth an hour of sitting in church (or temple, or wherever) before the party starts. For a lot of my married friends, that was the most important part of their day. Although really, I'm easy to please at a wedding. Whatever makes the happy couple happiest is fine by me.

As long as there's an open bar.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2001


I agree with Catherine and T, if your ceremony includes church services, it's going to be longer than a civil type ceremony. And if the couple's faith is very important to them and their families, as a guest I would be honored to observe an hour or two of religious ceremony and communion at their wedding. My ceremony was short because both our families are agnostic/atheist and have never been to church on a regular basis. There's only so long you can draw out the ten or so things the state wants you to say.

I have been to non-religious weddings where the couple was obviously padding the schedule to fulfill some preconceived time limit. If you cut out the three poetry readings, the two songs while the couple stare at each other meaningfully, the fancy "anyone blood related to the couple please stand up, you are all family now" preacher tricks, and the unity candle lighting -- dude, you've got a five minute ceremony. There's definitely a feeling that they're trying to get their money's worth out of the expensive floral arrangements at the church.

The good news -- I celebrated my first wedding anniversary Sunday, and let me tell you, I am more in love with him now than I was on our wedding day. If you think it's the happiest day of your life -- it only gets better. *sigh*

The cake doesn't though.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001


this thread is cracking my shit up today. My still-unemployed shit.

I want to get married. I don't want the husband yet, necessarily, but damn I want a wedding.

Maybe I should just do that quinceanera to cure my wedding jones. What do yall think? Can a 27-year-old WASP have a quinceanera? Would yall come (even though I know you'd all be discussing my tackiness?)?

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001


Pineapple, just wait another three years, then have TWO quinceaneras. Heh.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

hee! I remember wanting a quinceanera after taking a spanish class in high school. this one girl was showing off her photos and I was all saaad I'd just have a normal 15th bday party. man.

as for marriage, I just want the ring and the proposal. I'm not much for all the rest. seems stressful.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001


Is this the thread you wanted me to get my newly engaged self into, WG? You ask, I answer. I kind of feel like a fraud, though, because there's been no hell for me yet, only excited & happy announcing to family and friends.

So far, this is what we know: we want to get hitched in October (ideally, over Columbus Day weekend, but we're flexible) in my hometown of Philadelphia. We're a mixed religion couple, and both heavily agnostic to boot, so we're going to have a civil ceremony. We think we'd like to have a small ceremony, with just immediate family & one couple of friends each for witnesses, and then a largeish, informal, boisterous party later that day, or maybe the next evening. The feeling we're looking for is "Hey, this is a kickin' party! And it's for your wedding! Rock!", or similar.

I am eager to get my Mom on board with her monster amazing planning skills. She's there in Philly (while I am here in Toronto till July, and then god knows where thereafter) and has lots of experience planning large events from when she was an events coordinator for the local chapter of the Victorian Society. Plus, she has great taste and can work a budget like nobody's business.

Does anyone have any suggestions for someone who's just getting started? Good planning books, techniques for maintaining sanity, high-potency cocktail recipes? Bring 'em on!

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002


Actually, Sophie, it was this one. Yes, we here at MATH+1 are so obsessed we have TWO wedding threads.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2002

But hey, as long as the thread's revived, check this out.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2002

You all who have had or are planning weddings, give me some catering ideas - like how much I should pay to serve heavy h'our douerves (SP?!) to about 70 people.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Damn, I would lose a spelling bee with that word, for sure.

Y'all know what I mean. Dinner buffet.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002


I'm doing a heavy hors d'ouvre/cocktail resception for about 150 and it's going to cost approximately $7,500.00 between food and open bar. This is a reception going from 8 to midnight, so people will have had dinner. Just as an example....we're serving shrimp on ice, crab and artichoke dip, various seafood canapes, crab stuffed mushrooms, baked brie, fruit and cheese, spinich/artichoke fondue, chicken quesadillas and some other non-seafood stuff I can't remember off the top of my head. Fairly plentiful but short of a meal.

So, doing the math (and keeping in mind that these are Columbus, Ohio food and beverage prices) I think you could do a really nice hors d'ouvre reception for 75 for $3500-$3700.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002


Just so we're all clear, it's hors d'oeuvre. Or as my Mom (tongue firmly planted in cheek) likes to call them, horse's ovaries.

I have nothing else to add, really.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002


My spelling is awful and my poor high school French teacher is surely spinning in her grave. Let's just call them appetizers and pretend we're at TGI Friday's and be done with it. :)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Allison, it totally depends on who your caterer is and what you have in mind. We're doing heavy hors d' oeurves for about 300 people for under $9,000. We have a wonderful caterer who will work wonders within our budget - ie, one of our stations will be shrimp and grits. Fancy, but aaah, it's shrimp season in New Orleans, so it's actually a really inexpensive item to have. Tricks like that.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

This is actually a story from the guest's perspective (mine). I went to a coworker's wedding a few years ago and it was my first time at a wedding. Yes, I have only been to one wedding. Anyway, I sat with someone else from work and I had to almost tape my mouth shut because I didn't know what was going on for 4/5 of the ceremony. Bride walks down aisle. Vows exchanged. Okay. Candle, what? Offering bouquet to the virgin, what? What? Not a good thing. I later learned that I had sat on the "wrong" side of the aisle (I knew the bride but I sat with the groom's guests). I know organizing a wedding is crazy, but attending can be a bit wiggy, too.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

I have several wedding freak out stories, but here is my favorite.

Being nervous about getting married, and also nervous about my groom being nervous about getting married, I pulled him aside at the rehearsal (the evening before the wedding) to have a quick chat.

"Look," I said, "If for any reason, you change your mind, just page me, and I'll call you back, and we can talk about it. I won't be mad [Yeah, right.] but I just want to know if for some reason you've changed your mind and you don't want to get married. I'd rather find out by pager than walk down the aisle and have no groom at the other end."

He assured me that would not happen, but at my insistence promised to page me if anything went wrong.

Fast forward to 15 minutes before the wedding. It was a little crazy because I was late (hairdresser's fault) but finally we were all ready to go and just waiting for the queue to walk. My pager goes off.

I don't recognize the number, but there are a lot of out-of-town guests around, any of which could have loaned my groom their cell phone. I, however, do not know the location of my cell phone. A friend of my mother's who had come into the bride's room for reasons still unknown, saw the panic on my face and handed me her phone. It took me 3 tries before I managed to dial the number correctly.

People, it was a wrong number. Not only a wrong number, but it was an MCI operator trying to page a technician. That's particularly funny to me, being that I am a telecom analyst.

After that, the wedding went on pretty much as planned.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2002


This story would make a great journal entry but since I don’t have a journal, the forum will suffice.

The WEDDING HORROR STORY OF THE YEAR, Starring: Me as Maid of Honor and Sweet Andrea and the Bride.

We begin the night before the wedding at the groom’s house we’ve kicked him out of so all the girls could do the Bachelorette Party Sleep Over thing. I decided to take my shower the night before to alleviate some of the Wedding Morning Bathroom Traffic Jam. While I am showering the ‘sex talk’ takes place and a couple of the bridesmaids who are married inform the bride of the ‘dryness’ that can occur on the honeymoon due to all the wedding stress. They advise her to get a tube of KY Jelly.

We get up in the morning and Andrea and I head to the hairdresser. Almost predictably, the hairdo takes twice as long as it did in the practice sessions so we are late. Very Late. The race is on...

“We have to go to the bank because I told Randy we’d have time to do it this morning, (WHAT????) and I am so starving we have to stop and get a biscuit and and and and (this is where the crying and sniffling begins) I forgot to call the florist and get two long stem roses to give to my mother and Randy’s mother and and and Amy and Monica told me I needed to get some KY ‘cause I was gonna be dry on the honeymoon!”

I told her to drop me off at the grocery store for the KY and the flowers while she went to bank and got the biscuits. Me: blue jeans and button up man’s shirt with huge wedding hair with flowers coming out of it running into the Piggly Wiggly to by roses and KY. The clerk asked if I wanted a bag. No thanks, why try to be inconspicuous now?

I leave the store and here comes Andrea around the corner on two wheels, veil, big hair and all. We make it to the church and manage to get dressed almost on time.

Here comes the sad part: Sweet Andrea told her hubby-to-be she wanted to meet him for a few minutes before the ceremony just to have a little quiet time together before it all started. I helped her get up the stairs and rearranged the dress and flowers so she’d be perfect when she saw him. She saw him before he saw her and her eyes welled up. He turned to her and said, and I quote: “Jeez, what are you crying for now?” I kid you not. He said this to her, in the church, 5 minutes before he was to marry her. My heart broke right there.

I could go on but the rest of the highlights from this glorious day are: Best Man forgot to bring Marriage License, the limo was late, and they left their airline tickets in a carry-on bag at the house (which I drove to them an hour away).

They were divorced in two years. The End.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002


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