The Wedding Thread, or, Living Vicariously Through T

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We groupies need our own thread. Discuss the unknown-but-Al-says-it's-gorgeous dress and other wedding-related (T's or otherwise) topics here.

Hey, Al and Hannah, think you could find the dress on this site?

And here's where I plan to go for tips if I ever get hitched.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Answers

http://www.nbci.com/LMOID/bb/fd/0,946,-0-5720,00.html

This is it, but uh, you can't really see it. But it was Theresa who was wearing it on Passions. Why are soap operas so down with the double weddings?

Of course, my Barbies often had double weddings. I have the photos to prove it.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001


Dude, I even joined the Passions Club on nbci.com, hoping they would have secret pictures.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

I'm not seeing anything in the Diamond Collection with such a distinctive rise in the bustline. Wait -- is it #915? (This one?)

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

I'm just glad it isn't this one. But, of course, I know T knows better.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

That one, Mike, is some sort of mutant dress gone wrong. It is like, every bad idea ever had about a wedding dress, rolled into one.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001


If James Lileks ever does a site about wedding dresses, that dress is going on it.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

The horror. Y'all, the other night I was watching How to Marry a Millionaire and thought how pretty Lauren Bacall looked in the wedding dress in that movie. And how horrible it would look on me- I'd be like a human doily gone bad.

And you have all had the fun that can come of checking out the rings at A Diamond is Forever (dot com), right? My worst nightmare is that I fall in love with a very poor man and he gets me some atrocity of an engagement ring from Service Merchandise. I'd rather just get a plain silver band at the mall.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

What, you don't want a heart shaped diamond with heart shaped side stones? Why not?

WG - it's not that one either.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001


Only if I can get an abstract design in gold, white gold and bronze surrounding them, Hannah.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Damn! I was really starting to like that one.

TIP Hannah, I'm not even looking at the rings site, because The Smoker has already informed me that should we ever get married, it's either a ring or a down payment on a house, and I don't think I'll choose the ring. Instead I will regale everyone who asks, "So, where's the ring?" with horrible graphic stories about South African diamond mines.

A diamond may be forever, but inflicting liberal guilt can be infinitely more fun.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001



No, WG, you really have to look at adiamondisforever.com. It is the best. You can design your own ring and make it gold AND silver AND have heart-shaped stones AND marquis-shaped stones.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Y'all are evil. What's my boy going to say if he finds out I'm gossiping about dresses and rings? He won't, is the answer. He'll be too busy fleeing in terror.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Just tell him you're a girl. It's genetic. I've been thinking about dresses and rings since I was four, and see no reason to stop just because I'm bound to be a crabby spinster cat lady someday.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

The sad thing is, I already know what my dress will be.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Mine's going to be like Audrey Hepburn's in Funny Face. What's yours going to be?

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001


A cheongsam (I think that's the Cantonese word, and the Mandarin word is qipao) dress with a high collar and red piping (or whatever you call the borders), the side buttons, and, depending on my level of Orientalism at the time, the characters for "double happiness" embroidered in red in a discreet place -- right at the hem, for example. And put my hair up all '40s.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

We're getting married at the Graceland Chapel. I want to dress up in rhinestones and wear big cowboy boots and have big hairsprayed mall hair and wear blue eyeshadow.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

WG, if I had a scanner, I could show you my wedding picture where I wore that dress you just described. I did that Chinese thing where you change out of the white wedding dress and into the traditional red one at the reception.

The dress was Lin Chao's! I felt like a movie star.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001


Okay, if anyone's still my friend, it is Diamond style 915. BUT, I found another dress, and I'm going to buy it either today or tomorow. Let me find a link...

This Week: Caterers.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


it is Diamond style 915

Well clearly I have a bad memory. Sorry. It looks different in the Knot gallery. Or something.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


Well, T, I did like Diamond #915. You'll have to post pictures of the real dress so we can all drool.

See, AB, you actually had a reason for wearing a cheongsam dress. I'd just be appropriating another culture for no reason save academic ones.

(And you wore your mom-in-law's dress? Wow. The Smoker's mother is roughly twice my size, and got married in the early 1970s, so I don't even want to see photos of what she got married in. Besides, he hates her.)

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


http://www.mcbridals.com/c_detail.asp?style=B117

That's the dress. Click on the large front and back views, and picture it without the straps, the wrap, and the little floral dealie on the back. And with a less poofy veil. And ignore the cheesy designer name (as if you could get cheesier than the Diamond Collection).

Opinions?

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


T...the one at McBridals is beautiful. Good choice.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

I love how every thing I wanted to change about that dress to make it perfect are the things T already disclaimed. (Disclaimed? I have no idea what I'm saying.)

Gorgeous. So, so gorgeous.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


And, I actually like it more than the Passions dress, even.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

Ooh, pretty.

I still vote for Opulent Creations for the veil, though. Antique lace, and all that.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


Even better than the Passions dress, mon cheri. (hahahahahah!)

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

Arrison make funny joke, haha!

T, that dress is gorgeous. Perfect.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


Oh, that's lovely, T. I'm going to e-mail you for the password for your journal so I can read up on all the stuff that's led up to your dress selection. WG keeps talking about you and I keep forgetting to write to you.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

And for the bride who hates her bridesmaids: A fuschia plaid evening gown with a rhinestone belt buckle.

Ugly, thine name is Dessy.

And this one screams Ex-Wife Coming For Last Digs At Happy Couple

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


Call me crazy, but I kind of like that plaid one. Maybe not for bridesmaids, but I think it's sassy.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

OK, guys I feel kinda weird posting here, because this seems like T's wedding place (I hope you don't mind T). But I'm getting married in March, and I just ordered my wedding dress, and the only person who's seen it is my mom. I thought maybe if you guys took a look, you could tell me what you think, and you can be honest because you don't know me (like my mom does). Here http://www.bonny.com/display.asp? Style=182

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

KC, that dress is very, very pretty. You can never go wrong with plain, in my book.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

KC, is this it? Because the link you gave led to three different dresses.

If it is, I heartily approve -- the sleeves in particular are great.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


Yeah, that's it. Thanks guys. By the way I'm so glad you guys started this forum. I can't post stuff like this on the other forum that I know about, because my fiance is all up in there. It'll be good to have a little personal space again.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

Yall... I am, just, so, *sniff* happy, to find girls that understand exactly what TACKY is.

I love it that Keli just said "Ugly, thy name is Dessy." and that yall even slammed Watters & Watters, who I usually just adore.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


I like the plaid one too. But unless you only had one bridesmaid it would never work. They have to line up, see. I saw a photo of a girl who dressed her bridesmaids in lovely 2 piece outfits with full, plaid ball skirts and black tops. Alone, great. Together? Like a fall picnic. With bouquets.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001

KC, your dress is very pretty!

If, and it's a big if, I ever get married again, I want to make sure that my bridesmaids have dresses that are elegant but something they can wear again, which is why I am so icked by the plaid dress. I can't imagine anywhere else someone could wear that again. As a maid of honor dress with the other bridesmaids wearing a solid color, it would work, but I'm not sure any of my closest friends have the body type to pull off all that plaid.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


I had to wear a Dessy bridesmaids gown. Once. It's now property of the League's Nearly New store.

KC, that dress is just lovely. I can't think of a more appropriate gown for an early spring wedding. What time of day are you getting married? Do you know what flowers you want?

This is fun.

With regards for my bridesmaids dresses, I'm going with a Currie Bonner style (a seamstress will make them, though). Melissa Sweet designs those dresses and they're the only ones I've seen that I - and all eight of my bridesmaids - love. Of course, four of my bridesmaids are my sisters, and they'll do whatever I say. Because I'm dictatorial like that.

Except, Hannah, last fall C and I went to a wedding where the bridesmaids wore full pink ball skirts with an MC Escher-looking top. I think you'll need to wear an MC Escher-looking gown, as you're the maid of honor, and all.

-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001


T,

I'm getting married March 23rd, at 5pm. I don't have any clue about flowers, I haven't even picked my colors for my wedding. I've never been really good at this kind of thing. So far, I have the place picked out (Pebble Hill in Thomasville, GA), and I put a deposit down, I have the caterer picked out, and I put a deposit down, and I've ordered my dress.

I'm not sure if I'm doing any of this stuff in the right order. People keep asking me what my colors are, and it makes me feel like I should have an answer. How does one pick colors?

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Except, Hannah, last fall C and I went to a wedding where the bridesmaids wore full pink ball skirts with an MC Escher-looking top. I think you'll need to wear an MC Escher-looking gown, as you're the maid of honor, and all.

Yay! Except I have no idea what an MC Eshcer looking top would be. But whatever. Yay!

Wait. Where am I going to bitch about all my maid-of-honor duties?

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Yay! Except I have no idea what an MC Eshcer looking top would be. But whatever. Yay!

Oh, baby, I was kidding. The dresses that we saw last fall were so, so busy - the tops were pink and brown and all Q-Bert looking, if that makes sense. I wouldn't do that to you.

KC, your dress is perfect for the time and setting of your wedding. Really, I don't think there's a specific order that you have to follow. It makes good sense, of course, to get the things that book early - the church, the reception location, the rehearsal dinner location, the caterer, the photographer, the band, and the dress (whew - that's more than I thought!) - early on simply because that way, yo have your pick of several options, rather than having to settle for something second-rate.

In terms of flowers and the cake (unless your caterer is doing the cake), it's fine to wait. It may be a good idea to let a florist know that you are getting married on a set date, and that you'll need their services. There's no reason to pick your flowers right now, though - you can wait to see what is really seasonal (late March - do you like the color yellow? Because you could do beautiful things with daffodils, crocus, snowdrops, Lenten roses, etc) or what is plentiful and inexpensive, if there are any budget concerns.

In terms of your colors, it is a good idea to decide what color you want your attendants to wear, if only for the same reason that you'll have more options for the bridesmaids dresses, which need to be ordered many months in advnace to ensure that there won't be any last- minute surprises. Beyond that, you're fine. I know that my bridesmaids dresses are going to be a muted hydrangea blue, but that's my favorite color so it didn't take much thought. Plus, it's a color that looks good on any complexion. I'm using hydrangeas and white roses for the bouquets, and for the arrangements in the house and in the church, we're going to use hydrangeas, white roses, and magnolias with lush greenery. Nothing exotic: I wanted to use flowers and plants that are seasonal to New Orleans. And in late May, hydrangeas and magnolias are blooming in abundance.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Oh, baby, I was kidding. The dresses that we saw last fall were so, so busy - the tops were pink and brown and all Q-Bert looking, if that makes sense. I wouldn't do that to you.

I was gonna say - do the dresses have upside down stairs on them or something? But I'd wear whatever.

Of course I can say that, knowing you'd never put any of us in anything awful. Even Julia.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Jennifer Lopez, is that you? Just kidding, but you do sound like you do this for a living.

Thank you so much for all of the suggestions. My caterer is not doing our wedding cake, but they are doing the groom's cake. For the wedding cake, I've been looking around, and I'm interested in fondant cakes. They seem really beautiful, and I really like the idea of floating tiers. My concern is the taste. I've never tasted one, but it doesn't look like it would taste as good as regular cake.

Where are you going on your honeymoon? We're thinking St. Thomas in the virgin islands, but a casino is a must.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


We're planning on Hawaii - we've want good restaurants, a good resort, hiking, sea kayaking, and beaches. We want things to do, but we also want to feel no guilt whe we do nothing but sit on the beach.

I'm trying to remember where Thomasville is. Is that south Georgia? I can recommend some great bakers in Atlanta - Carole Parks makes fabulous cakes - but you know who else makes good cakes? You'd never guess, but when I did weddings, we would use them all the time: Publix. I swear to god, they make a tasty and beautiful cake. Also, your reception facility can probably recommend a good baker - they've probably had every baker in the area at their facility, and they'll know who you can rely on for a beautiful cake.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Y'all, it's an epidemic at my office. I know of at least six engagements in the time I've been here, and we're a small department.

It's scary. At least no one's asking me when it'll be my turn. There are advantages to being 22 in the modern world.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001


Better than here,WG. It seems like I have been filling out insurance and 401K forms non-stop for divorcing employees. 6 so far this year and we are only a company of 60 or so.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

Missy, that is so sad.

T, I looked at all the dresses at McBridals (tragic name), and I love them. I mean, I think I found *my* dress. When I throw myself a wedding and marry my cat, y'all are all invited.

Really, yours is gorgeous. The box pleats! I love it.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2001


T, your dress is lovely. LOVELY, dah-ling! I am sure the wedding will be simply gorgeous. It all sounds very exciting to me. I can hardly wait for the same opportunity! and so----------

Al, is YOUR dress number B171? If not, it should be! It would look gorgeous on you! Ya'll caiiiiin't let her just post an answer about finding HER dress and not telling which one it is! AB, where are you girl! Hep' me out!

Actually, I probably should not have said which one I like. She will pick another one just to show me! But I do love that one. She has such GREAT shoulders and I love the waist line and the fabric. I can't tell what the fabric on the bottom looks like though. and----- to be honest, I would like any one SHE picked! I'm not picky! Well, maybe a little.

But I AM concerned about the cat.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


Yes it is, JoLo. B171. You are amazing.

I think Henry and I will look great. He can be wheeled in on the cake, eat it, and then belch out his vows. He is a very good looking cat. We'll be very happy together.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


B171 is very pretty, Al. I'm still going for the Orientalist Special should I ever get married (as The Smoker said jokingly over the weekend, "Baby, you're still in the interview stage!"), but I like that neckline a lot.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/4290/funny_10.jpg

That's my dream wedding dress, if you were curious.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


I really like the sleeves, actually. That's my favorite part. The back is sort of boring, but that's ok.

My other favorite, besides Teri's, is B181.

I wonder if I could get Henry to wear a top hat... Maybe I could staple it on.

He'd probably fall asleep in the bushes outside and leave me at the altar, though. Stupid cat. Then there I'd be, just like Miss Haversham.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


That's my dream wedding dress, if you were curious.

That's my dream groom, if you were curious.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


Really? My dream groom is Nick Charles.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Al - yes, 171 would look gorgeous on you.

My other favorite, besides Teri's, is B181.

I like this one a lot too. I like the neck line, as I'm too busty to go strapless, but I'm not crazy about the crazy slit thing in the skirt. If it was just full satin, I'd love it.

T's is by far the prettiest though. It's the box pleats.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


You know. It says a lot that this is by far the most popular thread.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Yeah. Like, there are more women than men on this forum.

ducks and runs away as people start throwing things at him.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


Aww, c'mon, Mike. We know you have your dress picked out.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Please, Berman. You own a tux. You're like InstaGroom.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Hee. We could have a MATH Plus One Forum Groom Auction.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

rowwwr. There is nothing sexier than a man that owns a tux.

Especially if that man also changes my oil without asking, can make Bloody Marys, and owns boots.



-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001


I even own two (2) tuxedo shirts. How cool is that?

Of course, I own three drawers full of t-shirts, which get a lot more use than the tux. But really, the tuxedo's come in handy quite a few times. You never know when that last-minute formal invitation's going to pop up.

But I probably couldn't change anyone's oil without asking. I'm all about JiffyLube.

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2001


Rrrr. The McBridals site is still down.

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2001

Mike, a man that takes my car to JiffyLube for me while I am otherwise occupied, so that the oil is magically changed, is JUST as sexy. Doesn't have to be with your bare hands or anything.

=)

-- Anonymous, August 08, 2001


I just want to tell you all how much I enjoy reading this thread.

That's really all. I love the dresses - they're beautiful. I love the fact that you all have great taste. And I'm a sucker for all this wedding talk. Like the thing about the fondant wedding cake. Don't they look cool?

I have no wedding-y contributions, though. I'm just here. Reading. Enjoying. Living vicariously, like the sign says.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2001


I just found out that my high school boyfriend is engaged.

This is not exactly a shocker. He found a nice Jewish girl from Cleveland in Texas, and being the math geek that he is, can calculate the odds of that happening again. And he was a commitmentphile even in high school.

But still, it's a little strange.

-- Anonymous, August 14, 2001


Honey, that's nothing compared to finding out a couple of them are gay.

But I know what you mean. It's bizarre to me knowing that my exhusband is engaged, even though I wouldn't take him again (much less have sex with him. ew.) for all the enchiladas in South Texas.

Saying really mean (but true) things about him makes me feel less weird and more triumphant.

-- Anonymous, August 14, 2001


Wedding related:

T, I'm a big dummy. I read the archives and see that you are not even wedding in Atlanta. Which kind of makes me sad, now, because I like the idea of people meeting my World's-Most-Fabulous-Mommy.

If anyone else decides to wed in Atlanta, it kind of occurred to me that my stepfather is a professional photographer, and he and my mother have been doing wedding photography for nearly ever. All of our family friends are photographers/videographers, so...um, there you go.

p.s. The Georgian Club is a really nice place to hold a rehearsal dinner/reception party. If you are in Cobb County. That's all I'm saying.

-- Anonymous, September 05, 2001


Robyn, a good friend had her reception at the Georgian Club. I was a bridesmaid, actually. It's lovely.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2001

So, T, how's it coming? Note the title of this thread; we've got a lot of vicarious livin' to do.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2001

Yes, yes! Talk lots about the bridesmaid dresses. So, I've still got like a good month before measurements, right? RIGHT?

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2001

You won't need to worry about measurements until after Thanksgiving - that's when my sisters and Anna are having theirs taken. After we have the measurements, and we know how much fabric we'll need, we're ordering the fabric. Marta, the seamstress, needs abotu eight million measurements and a full-lenght picture of you so she has an idea of what to sew.

Of course, I'll be sending information to all the bridesmaids so they know what to expect, and so y'all can choose what kind of top you want.

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2001


Hey T! You should talk to AB about this certain project thing in re: weddings and things. I'm being all mysterious, but for real, ask her. AB! T would be perfect, yes she would.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

What? Come across with this mysteriouso stuff. AB's married to my favorite man in Texas, so what's the dealio?

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

Ooh - I'm intrigued! AB, I'll email you.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2001

Oh, and if anyone has advice on how I can get Southern Living Weddings to cover my wedding, please let me know.

Seriously, I think it would fly. A big New Orleans wedding on St. Charles Avenue, a home reception at a giant old house, eight bridesmaids, four of whom are my sisters... It could work.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2001


T! I'm totally on that. I've already got a plan.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2001

Or you could call TLC and go on A Wedding Story.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2001

So, T, do you need me to write a letter to Southern Living?

"As a lifelong reader, I feel it would be a disservice to your readers and your excellent publication to fail to include the upcoming wedding of the lovely T and C in your next edition of Southern Living Weddings..." I could vouch for your Southernness. And taste. And maybe mention that we've collaborated on "etiquette projects" in the past. Seriously, I so want them to cover it.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001


So after reading that Vegas is apparently cheaper than ever, I decided to do a little researc h, which I will not tell my boy about.

Do not get married at the Bellagio. They will hit you up for a minimum of $3,000 and throw you all sorts of services you really don't need.

I have to admit I kind of like the chapels here.

Of course, I would have to make sure he didn't talk me into this. Does anyone know how I could get El Vez to perform a wedding? That would be a happy day indeed.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2001


Bumping this up, since it seems Santa brought us a few new brides.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

Well, because this thread is here and I don't want to annoy my friends and relatives with too much wedding talk, this is my wedding gown and this is my bridesmaid dress. I like them both and we're having an 7:30 p.m. June wedding Mass and cocktail reception from 8:30 to 12:30, so I'm hoping they're not too dressy.

[edited by AB to fix code for Catherine]

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Ugh. Could someone fix my links for me? I suck. Bah. Sorry everyone.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

OK, just went back and read this whole thread. Y'all, my bridesmaid dress is from Dessy (hate that name...sounds like a brand of douche) but I don't think it's tacky/ugly. Is it? Arrgghhh.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

Catherine, I think both are gorgeous. What color are the bridesmaid's dresses? They have so many choices!

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

Yes, I think they're both great as well. Your gown is elegant and perfect. You'll be gorgeous.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

AB...thanks for the code fix. The girls' dresses will be in black and there's a hem of jet bugle beads that hang from the bottom hem of the top of the dress. Sort of kicky, I think. I have no idea of flowers...I have florist appointments this week, but I'm really into the simple, unusual arrangements, so maybe calla lillies or something similar. We're having a swing band play the reception. It's coming together nicely and am ordering invitations next week. I'm sort of overloaded on wedding planning, so I'm looking forward to a weekend of doing nothing. Happy New Year everyone!

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

Ooooo yay, a June wedding! Congratulations! Catherine, I think both your choices are beautiful. The bridesmaid dress isn't tacky at all, I love how the neckline compliments the bridal gown. I'm with AB, what color? They DO have so many choices, and I am all kinds of impressed with the way they can show every dress in every last dang color right there on the web site.

I know Jessamyn got engaged over the holiday. Who are our other brides?

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


It's true, I did! And I can use all the wedding tips I can get! I've had several readers write me, when I've said I can use wedding tips in my response email to them, to say that their best tip is to do what *Geoff and I* want to do, instead of doing what other people want. And while that's great advice, it's not really something I'm worried about too much. I'm sure there will be weird things happening that I never expected, and pressure from people who I thought wouldn't care, and weirdness from other people (my stepmother!) which is COMPLETELY expected, but! That's all just going to have to be dealt with as it happens.

(Just as a funny side note, y'all. We called all the parents and the close friends on Wednesday evening to tell them, and reactions were excellent all 'round, except my stepmother was...um...weird? And my - wow, my future father in law! - was also weird. Celia, the stepmother, after saying "congratulations! I'm happy for you!" then quickly moved on to, "of course, there's a big difference in your ages, but that's only really a problem if there's a big difference in maturity, and Geoff seems mature for his age..." Yeah, ok, whatever. Geoff's dad was done talking after approximately 45 seconds, during which he said, in what was reported to me to be a flat monotone, "Wow. Well, that's exciting news. What a surprise. Congratulations.")

But what I'd really like from you guys, and I KNOW you guys are good at this stuff, is practical tips! Like, which things to skimp on, which things to not, which things YOU did yourself without driving yourself nuts, which things you wish you'd done differently, which things you would keep the same no matter what! What are the best options if we need to do this relatively cheaply?

I'm excited! But it's also very weird, because we've suddenly moved into Planning Mode. I am suddenly a regular at theknot.com. Hee.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Yay Jess! I love talking about weddings. I dont ever want to participate in another, but talking is great!

You may not have this problem, it sounds like, but I had a huge problem with my mother wanting everything her way. So, on a friend's good advice, I decided very early on to pick my battles. I chose the things that were absolutely important to be 'my way' and let her have the rest. I refused to back down on the location, the officiant, my dress, and the reception location. Everything else, from flowers to music to ushers to programs, was all mom. And it came out fine.

Another thing I did that turned out to be a Really Good Idea was that I selected bridesmaids dresses that were less than $100 bucks, including the shoes. Two of my bridesmaids were poor students, and while they would have spent more, because they love me, I really didn't want them to, because I love them. They were very appreciative.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Yay, I love when people love to talk about what I am becoming obsessed with! (It is freaking me out, that weird "obsessed" thing. I promise I will not be obsessed like this for the next year. I never imagined myself to be obsessive about crap like this! But it's getting that way!)

So, when you talk about picking your battles, is that because your parents were paying for the wedding? Or is that just because it was really really important to your mom for YOU to do things a certain way? As far as I know, we'll be paying for this ourselves - although I wouldn't be surprised if my parents offer to help *some,* there is certainly no offer or expectation that they finance it - and I just can't imagine paying for this wedding that is, after all, MINE and Geoff's wedding, and letting my parents take over as far as decision- making! I can totally understand how that would happen if they were paying. And, you know, if there would never be peace in your family again if you didn't let mom have what she wanted. I honestly don't think there will be any mom battles, at least.

I have a question about bridesmaid dresses, though! What's the best way to deal with the fact that at least one bridesmaid will wear a significantly bigger size than at least one other bridesmaid? I don't want to choose a dress that makes one of them look great and the other one want to go hide. I mean, I guess I'll talk about it with them, but I'm wondering now...is a two piece deal better? Or what?

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Yay for everyone!

Y'all, we're seven months into the planning (the wedding is in five months), and the very best thing we did was plan a year-long engagement. No rushes, no crises (so far), and we've been able to book everything we've wanted to.

I used to do weddings, and here's a tip for all the Christmas engagements: if you know where you want your reception, ceremony, etc., BOOK BEFORE JAN. 1. See, there are a lot of Christmas engagements, and all those girls will be calling and booking on Jan. 2. Beat them to the punch! And save yourself a lot of stress. Plus, many vendors raise their rates on Jan. 1, so if you have your heart cet on a specific band, photog, or whatever, book them in the next few days.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Jessamyn -

My bridesmaids are all about the same width, but four of them are very tall, and four of them are very short, and they'll range in age from 18 to 30, so some have different tastes than others. I went with a Currie-Bonner design (we're having a seamstress make the dresses, which saves a TON of bank for everyone). Everyone will wear the same skirt (a ball skirt with box pleats - nothing tight-fitting and uncomfortable ((or shiny)) ) and they can choose what kind of top they'd like to wear. The skirts are floor-length, so I'm letting them wear whatever shoe they want to wear. So far, they've all been really happy with this arrangement.

In terms of choosing your battles, I think it has less to do with who is paying for the wedding (I HATE when people are all, "It's my buck, so it's my way or the highway!" Spoiled rotten, much? If a bride is like that while she's planning her wedding, I shudder to think what it would be like to me married to her) and more to do with making a concession here and there to make someone you love happy. Unless you're eloping, there are a lot of people who are going to have a lot of emotion invested in your wedding, and there's no reason why they shouldn't enjoy it, too.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Oh, well, of course I wouldn't tell anyone in my family I didn't care at all what they thought, and in fact of course I DO care what they think, whoever's paying! I guess maybe my family is just unusual, or my relationship with my family is just unusual, I don't know. I just think that things like what kind of cake, what kind of flowers, things like that - aren't going to be an issue, because I honestly think (remind me of this in 6 months if I start to whine about how none of us can agree on anything - heh!) that they will like what I like, for the most part. Maybe my tastes are just similar to my family's. Of course they'll be emotionally invested, and will want to be *included*, but I think with my mom, for instance, we'll do that by shopping together, maybe looking at magazines together, talking on the phone about stuff...

Maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part? We'll see!

We're trying for "sometime in 2002," but we'll see about that, too! We actually already tried to talk to the chapel (at Northwestern, where Geoff's in the choir) about dates for the ceremony, but they're out of the office until January 2nd! So I guess we'll just be in there competing with all the other Christmas betrotheds!

Thanks for the bridesmaid tips, too - that sounds similar to what I was thinking, and it sounds like everybody could be happy and feel good and look good, too!

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Jessamyn, I am so excited for you! Congratulations! I'm really sorry about the familial weirdness. Hopefully they will be able to keep that in check from now on.

My husband also had concerns about whether or not our family and friends would LIKE what we were doing. We also paid for it ourselves and didn't have to "answer" to anyone, but he wanted to make sure everything was comfortable for everyone (for example, he didn't want the restaurant to be too fancy because he thought his family might be intimidated). I explained to him that this was not a time to try and predict what everyone else wanted or felt and cater to that. No, it was an OPPORTUNITY to share ourselves and our celebration with our guests, and the choices we made would reflect that. Once he grasped that idea, he felt a lot more comfortable about making decisions without calling mom first and asking what grandma would think of them. Our guests' responses? They had never been to a wedding like it before, and loved everything about it. People WANT your wedding to be about you. So don't feel obligated to run every detail by family and friends to see what they think.

How specifically did I skimp? One thing I did not give a hoot about was the cake. It just gets chopped up and eaten anyway, and cake is cake. Anybody who tells you the right cake makes a wedding might want to sell you a bridge too.

I also pared down the guest list considerably. We decided very early on that we'd rather have something really nice for our closest family and friends, than something half-assed and crappy for our third cousins and parents' coworkers. I think that was the best decision I made concerning the whole event.

We had a European style wedding with children as the only attendants, and that lessened bridesmaid costs and decision-making time a lot. I spent $350 on my wedding dress, and people, nobody knew. You will be much more beautiful than your dress is.

Two things I refused to skimp on were the food and the flowers. Both cost a lot, but it really wouldn't have been "me" to cut corners on them.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Jessamyn! Congratulations! That is such wonderful news. :) I have no real advice, except something a wedding planner once told me: if someone (friends, family, salesperson) tells you that you 'have' to have something, or do something, or buy something for your wedding, ask them 'why?' And if they can't give you an answer other than, 'it is tradition', you can probably skip it. The day goes by way to fast to waste time on things that don't mean anything personally to you.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

Thank you!! That's an excellent idea, and one I've been thinking about myself (the whole "why?" thing). Today I bought a book called the Anti-Bride Guide, and it's pretty fun.

And yay, Catherine! Congratulations! I agree, your gown and the bridesmaids gowns are beautiful and not the least bit tacky! (And I didn't mean to suddenly take over this thread with my own jibber jabber!)

If I can keep feeling the way I'm feeling now even half the time, I think I'll be in good shape, because the way I'm feeling now? Weddings are fun! Heh.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


My parents didn't pay for the entire wedding, it was more like, y'all pay for this, we'll pay for that, as things came up. And, actually, that reminds me of something I wish I'd done better -- kept up a ledger of some sort and a pre-determined budget to go along with it. Money was majorly tight there at the end because a lot of unexpected expenses cropped up.

For my bridemaids: I had four of them and they came in three different sizes. Since I was having a summer daytime wedding I knew I could get away with a less formal dress, so they wore tea length periwinkle blue dresses. They were made of layers of georgette and had cap sleeves, scoop neck, slightly raised waist - not quite empire, but a little above the natural waist. The skirt was full and there was this sash dealie that tied in the back and flowed down, which was pretty coming down the aisle. The shoes were also periwinkle - bought along with the dress, I think they were fabric covered but not that dyed-to-match shiny kind.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001


Jess, congrats right back at you! I'm so glad you're having as much fun as I am...you're right, this wedding stuff is a ball. I do have a wedding etiquette question for anyone who cares to weigh in. I know, traditionally, wedding start on the half hour because of the good luck associated with getting married on the "upswing" of the hour. I want to start our ceremony at 7:00 p.m. It will be approximately an hour long Mass and I'd like to get the reception started by 8:15-8:30ish instead of closer to 9:00 p.m. Can I get away with this? Have any of you been to a wedding that started at the top of the hour? Any thoughts would be appreciated since invites are being ordered next week.

-- Anonymous, January 03, 2002

Catherine, SmokerBro and SmokerSis-In-Law's wedding started at 6 p.m., and nobody, to my knowledge, thought it was improper of them to start on the hour than on the half hour. But in terms of the reception timing, I think that is a little tight; you'll probably want time for the guests to mill around a bit and offer congratulations between the ceremony and the reception.

And, of course, congrats to you and Jessamyn! (And Leigha, who doesn't post here but whom some people will remember from Squishy; she also got an engagement ring for Xmas.)

-- Anonymous, January 03, 2002


And whose journal URL I messed up.

-- Anonymous, January 03, 2002

Actually, I do post here from time to time...but glad to see that I'm remembered in my absence!

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Shit - I just wrote a novel, and Greenspun became Asspun.

Anyway. Let me try this again:

Leigha, I just read your most recent entry, and it might be a good idea to start getting recommendations for a photographer in the next few weeks. After we booked the church (we didn't need to worry about booking the reception space, as we're having it at my family's home), the next thing we looked for was a photographer. We were one year out, but most of the ones we spoke to were booked. (ALL of the budget photographers were, in fact, except the really crappy ones that we wouldn't want to use, anyway). Thankfully, we were able to book a fantastic photographer, but I'm very glad that we didn't hold of on doing so.

Also, if you're getting married in a Catholic church, keep in mind that most churches keep tight restrictions on what florists, photographers, and videographers can do during the ceremony. Many restrict flash photography during the mass (no priest wants flashbulb- eyes), but really, a good photographer should know how to take beatiful photos without the flash. If a photographer balks at the restrictions, move on. A photographer that doesn't respect your church's wishes probably won't respect the reverence of your ceremony, and who wants that? Also, most churches restrict videographers from wandering around on the altar during the ceremony (again, for good reason).

BUT. What your church's restrictions do mean is that they likely have a Preferred List. Preferred Lists name the photographers, etc., who are familiar with the church and who the church knows will do a good job. After an exhausting search for a photog, I turned to the Preferred List for my church and found an amazing photog who was adept at taking the most beautiful ceremony shots of the beautiful, old, high-ceiling, long-aisled church where we're getting married. He knows the church, he knows their ceremony coordinator, and since I've seen the work he's done in my church, I know that he'll do an amazing job - there won't be any surprises.

The same thing goes for florists - if you choose one from the preferred list, you know that they know the church's sanctury arrangement rules, and you know that they'll create something that complements the church. I.E., for an ornate church like mine that doesn't need much more ornamentation, my florist knows to do something simple, yet large (so it can actually be seen - the same reason my dress has a very full skirt).

That's another thing - hold off on picking a style for your dress until you know what church you're getting married in. My church is way to big for a simple sheath dress, but a small chapel would make my full-skirted dress look extravagant and gauche.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002


I would like to remind you all that my stepfather and most of our family friends are all professional photographers. And I wouldn't recommend any of them if they weren't fabulous.

Some of our dearest friends just opened a gallery (last year) in North Georgia. And one fantastic artist is in upper Alabama.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002


Thanks for the advice, T. I'll look into the photographer next. I'm getting pressure from my bridesmaids to pick their dresses already, but I really don't want to do that until it's a little closer to the ceremony. And what's with the shortage of cobalt blue dresses?

Luckily, the church that we're getting married in (http://www.sainthelens.org, in case you're interested) will accomodate what ever kind of dress I choose. I'm leaning more towards a simple dress, not much decoration, with a full ballgown skirt. Of course, that, just like anything I want at this early state, is subject to change.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


T, what a gorgeous church. That is the kind of aisle I always dream about walking down. Alas, Baptist churches aren't exactly known for fabulous beauty.

Leigha, do what you want to do as far as your bridesmaid dresses. Your attendants can start setting aside money now, if that is a factor. But seasons offer totally different styles and colors, so if you rush to settle on something now, you might see something come out the next season that you totally love.

The wedding that I am MOH for in August, the bride waited and waited because she had certain colors she wanted and they were few and far between last season. This season, though not over abundant, there were more dresses to chose from in the colors she liked.

Take your time and most of all, DO IT YOUR WAY. Don't give in to pressure just to please others. It's your wedding, so do what will make you & Mike happy.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


BTW, T, I hope that you have already thought about where you can post wedding pics on the web. Knowing your class and style, I am dying to see the photos from your special day.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

I agree; both T's and Leigha's churches look lovely. If I'd married my Catholic ex-boyfriend . . .

well, really, if it had gotten that far my mother would have threatened to slit her wrists rather than see me married in a Catholic church, and I suspect his mother would have had a somewhat similar reaction to see him married anywhere else. Which is not the reason we broke up; but it probably would have broken us up further down the line.

Y'all know I have the wedding envy. My knitting teacher said to me last night, "So when's he going to come up here so you two can get married already?" and all I could do was make noises.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


Leigha - what's the date? I can't remember if you said what it is or not.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

BTW, T, I hope that you have already thought about where you can post wedding pics on the web. Knowing your class and style, I am dying to see the photos from your special day.

Well, both [T'sFirstName]wedding.com and [T'sFirstName]and [C'sFirstName].com are available, and I hereby offer to buy one, or a domain name of T's choice, as a wedding present.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


Thanks for the offer! I haven't even thought that far ahead - but I imagine that a shot or two will make it to Hannah Beth's site...

I need shoe advice. I don't want to wear a flat (I HATE wearing flats - they are not flattering to my uber-ankles in the least), but I want something that's comfortable. I've heard that Kenneth Cole makes good bridal shoes, and I'm going to try this shoe on after work - but do you think the toe is too pointy? I'm a 9.5 or a 10 narrow - in other Kenneth Cole shoes I have, I'm a 9.5, so I think it's a safe bet that the 9.5 will fit... I don't necessarily mind paying more than $100 for a shoe that will be comfortable (I can always dye them black after the wedding - it's not like any of my sisters or friends will borrow the shoes, as my feet are longer than anyone's), but I want to make sure it's comfortable.

Any advice?

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


That does look rather pointy. What about the ones we dog-earred in the latest Martha Weddings? A low, flat heel would work best, I think.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

I went to that website - www.peterfox.com - and I'm not all that impressed. PLus, I thought I'd like the ones with the open backs, but I tried those on this weekend and my foot was all over the place. Definitely not what I want, what with the long marble aisle and the indoor/outdoor reception.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

I don't think they're too pointy--I like them, T. They're all pretty and fancy and whatnot.

But I defer to MOH, because what she say usually go!

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


I think I'll try them on, wear them around the store for a while, and see what happens (and what their return policy is) - I find that if a pair of shoes is going to be uncomfortable, I usually know in the first 20 minutes.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

Hannah - Our date is March 29th, 2003. I know, I know, it's over a year away and I'm already caught up in details like a crazy woman. I'd rather be over planned out than caught at the last minute with dumb details that I put off until the last minute.

My parents aren't happy with the Catholic thing...I'm converting, and that just rubs them the wrong way. And I'm a little overwhelmed with all of the things that go into planning a Catholic wedding. Not to mention the RCIA classes I have to take to become a Catholic. I just keep telling myself that once all of the craziness is all over, it will be better in the long run.

On top of wedding planning and conversion, I'm starting back to school next week after a three year break. And if that wasn't enough, we just signed the papers to build a house. Can anyone feel the stress that is already rolling off of me?

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


Oh, and for the wedding freak in you, http://www.weddingchannel.com is where I am organizing my wedding. You can look up my stuff by doing a search on my first and last name (Leigha Carter).

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

Leigha, all the more reason to be thankful that you have a long engagement. We have our church, the caterer, the band, the florist, the pianist, our wedding bands, the bridesmaid's luncheon is planned, the rehearsal dinner is planned, the bridesmaids dresses (chosen - the seamstress will start making them next week after everyone's been measured), we've met with our priest, I know who's doing my hair and makeup, and I had the trial makeup run for our engagement photos...

All the big stuff is done, and we have about four and a half months left to worry about all the little things that are bound to arise between now and then. I'm going to order the invitaitons this weekend when I'm in New Orleans for my first shower, and C has more or less picked out what tuxes he wants for his guys. I haven't had TOO many frazzled moments - but at the start of it all and for the first month or so, I was definitely a wreck. It's impossible to see how all the details will come together, but they will, trust me.

Oh, and a binder is a MUST. I have business card slots and lots and lots of dividers. I probably don't have to tell you this, but save EVERYTHING! All the photos, the invitaitons, the cards - I even have the weather report from the day we were engaged. Of course, it's all in a huge box right now, but one day, I WILL organize it all (maybe with the help of a certain MOH of mine who is just excellent at doing that sort of thing?).

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


Dang, Leigha...GET UPDATIN'!

You have been a busy gal! Good luck with everything. I am sure you'll keep it all together.

Keep us informed of the wedding plans, house building stuff, etc. I'm living vicarously, you know!

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002


All right, for all of the Catholics out there, I'm having a bit of a heart attack over here over some of the things that I can and can't do.

First off: I can't have a strapless or sleeveless dress. Do you have any clue just how few dresses there are out there with sleeves that I consider even marginally attractive? The only one I really like that has any kind of sleeve is way out of my price range. The church we're getting married in claims that no sleeves is disrespectful.

Then, I have to contend with the music. They have a list of music that they have approved for weddings, and I don't know any of it. And I basically have to use their pianist, because anyone I pick from outside the church has to be approved by their music committee.

With all of the limitations that they are putting on me (no pew ribbons unless you buy these pew hanger things, you have to use their unity candle setup, stuff like that), I'm really feeling restricted. I wouldn't be using this church if Mike hadn't grown up in it.

Oh, and I got my first sex lecture from a priest today. He compared sex to Mass. And he used the word "climax" in our conversation. I seriously almost lost it at that point. I really like the priest, I just get giggly over him talking about sex. I don't know why.

-- Anonymous, January 16, 2002


Of course, it's all in a huge box right now, but one day, I WILL organize it all (maybe with the help of a certain MOH of mine who is just excellent at doing that sort of thing?).

You don't even have to ask.

-- Anonymous, January 16, 2002


"Do you have any clue just how few dresses there are out there with sleeves that I consider even marginally attractive?"

Leigha, you might find that a sleeveless dress you love (other than the sleeveless part, natch) to which you can have sleeves added.

Hear me out, y'all, before you recoil in horror: I don't mean that you would have them put on your ownself. But, my dearest childhood friend found the most loverly gown of her dreams, sleeveless, but was having the same issues in re: the Catholic church and the edict from her mother that sleeves were happening no matter what. The consultant at her salon clued us in that many designers will happily add sleeves to the dress. Of course it costs extra, not just a tailoring fee, but since they are sizing your dress custom anyway, it appears that it isn't that hard of a task. So, when the salon ordered the gown (it was Amsale or Lazaro, I can't remember which), they just ordered it with short sleeves.

It's the only time I'd ever heard of such a thing, even after standing with eleventy-hundred brides, but it appears that it's the sort of thing that neither the manufacturers nor the salons like to make public, because of the extra time and work on their part. It might be worth checking out!

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002


See, it's tips like that that make this thread worth reading, even if you're not a future bride.

Now, if anyone else is (a) as fond of the cheongsam dress idea as I am and (b) interested in having a dress custom-made and (c) going to be in New York any time soon, on this page is a listing for New Age Designer, which supposedly -- note: I haven't been there -- will make you a dress for $400, less if you bring your own fabric.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002


You can always get around the church requirement against sleeveless/strapless by having a little jacket made that you wear only at the church, wrapping yourself in a white pashmina, or draping a little cashmere sweater, maybe one of those pretty pearl covered ones from Saks, around your shoulders.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

Also, in the latest InStyle they showed a beautiful strapless gown that comes with an long-sleeve sheer overlay thing, giving you "sleeves" and then you just take if off for the reception. But this must be a church by church thing, not a Catholic since T's dress is strapless. And all the bridesmaid's dresses are sleeveless, although we'll have wraps, I'm pretty sure.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

It's definitely a church-by-church thing. My dress is strapless, but Kristin is right - if there was a restriction at my church, I'd get a sheer wrap for the ceremony and ditch it for the reception. I actually had modesty concerns about the strapless, but the bodice is cut rather hgh, and as I'm wearing a two-piece veil (fingertip with a cathedral length piece during the ceremony), the veil also does a good job of covering my shoulders.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

T, what happened with the pointy shoes? (I think that picture was slightly distorted, in terms of exaggerating pointiness.)

Leigha, if they're such sticklers about the "no sleeves" rule you might want to ask them directly about a wrap or shawl. Otherwise I'd go with PG's suggestion. Is there any way you could get advice from someone previously married in that church?

Jessamyn, I saw the "memory box" photo, and thought: awww. I'd want a best friend to do that for me.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002


Aw, yeah, wasn't that memory box cool? Of course, what got me the most about the package she sent me (with an oval box covered with a collage made from clippings from bridal magazines, containing a pair of pink-handled scissors and Milano cookies, and 3 bridal magazines with tabs for pages where she'd written comments so it would be "like we're looking at them together" - for those who don't read my journal) was just how much TIME she had spent, thinking of me, wishing she and I were together. That made me all teary and happy.

As for the sleeveless thing, I'd add that our chapel has some sort of generic "modesty" requirement, which encourages sleeves, but so far as I know doesn't require them. The idea, though, is just that it's disrespectful to be showing so much skin, right? So if you've got the little sweater or the little jacket or the extra sleeves covering up your shoulders, then you're ok. I think.

For those of you who bought the traditional wedding gown, how long did you spend shopping around, and how many months before the wedding did you find your dress? How many shops did you go to? How did you find what you wanted? (I have ideas, of course, but I've got awhile to go, I think.)

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002


Maybe this is an excuse to get a sweet little cashmere sweater and charge it to the wedding. Or a nice shawl that will rest around my shoulders or something. I just hate the fact that I'm being limited by this church. Pah!

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

Leigha - are you getting married in Austin or St. Louis?

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

We're getting married in Austin (well, Georgetown, actually) on March 29, 2003. I can't imagine trying to plan this thing long distance.

Oh, and I meant to ask - we want to have a buffet style dinner, and caterers are super expensive here. We can't have any alcohol at the reception due to the reception site rules, which isn't that big of a deal because after the reception everyone will just troop over to our house and party the night away anyways. So, we're looking for suggestions on meals and caterers in the Austin area. And wedding favors - rip off or must have?

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


Wedding favors? They're nice, but I've seen some things that are total rip-offs. Think about it this way: how many weddings have you been to where you actually remember the favor? We thought about doing a cd, but then we went to three weddings in a row with a cd as the favor, and we haven't listened to any of them. We're thinking about doing a cd for the members of our wedding party and the house party, but that's about all.

We ended up with kind of a fleur-di-lis theme for our wedding (what with it being in New Orleans, and all), and my sister works at a chocolate shop that sells beautiful dark chocolate fleur-di-lis brushed with gold leaf. We're thinking that that's going to be our favor. Something simple, inexpensive, attractively packaged, and pertinent to your wedding's feel.

Leigha - you said something that raised my eyebrows. You're going to have everyone at your reception go to your house after the reception? Will you be there? After the year of planning and stressing and spending tons of cash, are you sure you want to wake up the morning after your wedding to a post-party house? It's definitely a matter of individual preference, and I know people that are all about the post-party. Nothing appeals to C and I more than leaving the reception, heading to our room at a very nice hotel, and sleeping the night away until the next afternoon, when we fly to Hawaii. We're not even going to tell people where we're staying - only our families will know so that they can get our things in the afternoon after we've gone to the airport.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


We thought about doing a cd, but then we went to three weddings in a row with a cd as the favor, and we haven't listened to any of them. We're thinking about doing a cd for the members of our wedding party and the house party, but that's about all.

See, that's the sort of thing I would definitely do, but I could see how other people would say, "Umm, thanks." Maybe it would be better (speaking for myself, not to Leigha or any of the other brides-to-be) to just do one as a private present.

One thing that might work, if you were giving favors just to the wedding party, is a framed small picture of the bride/groom/couple with the attendant.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


Yippee! My MOH just called and we've nailed down a weekend for the Pre-Wedding getaway to Vegas. It's going to be a girls only weekend in May and I'm pretty thrilled with the prospect of a bachelorette thing that consists of lounging by a pool with umbrella drinks. Very fun!

I picked a florist yesterday and am doing everything in shades of purple and burgandy. My bouquet will be cascading Virgina roses and lavender, my bridesmaids are having scrumptious cascades of lillac, lavender hydrangea, violets, roses and other yummy purply things. Reception centerpieces are tall silver fluted vases of flowers with votives on the table and small sivler mint julip cups with a taper coming up out of the flowers (these are on the small tables).

I'm glad to get this part done. I saw a lot of cheesy flowers at some of these florists.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


T - to answer your question, I want everyone to come over to the house after the wedding, but we'll take off to a hotel later that night, and our families will stay at the house. We're not doing an immediate honeymoon, due to money, work and school schedules. And I plan on getting up the next morning and meeting our families for breakfast, because we hardly ever get to see them, and we want to spend as much time with them as possible.

I think that we'll be skipping the favors. I really don't see a reason to give out things that people aren't going to keep or use, and it just runs up the bill on the wedding. We're paying for the thing on our own, and we're trying to keep the entire budget down to $5,000. We're doing pretty well so far, but we're going to have to eliminate some of the little things like favors.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


I think that when you're cutting the budget, favors are the number one best thing to scrimp on. Never scrimp on photography - I know too many people who learned this the hard way - but if you want tos ave money, it's easy enough to do without the videographer. Our photographer is amazing, but he's also kind of pricey. So, we're not going to videotape the wedding.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002

Yeah, the videographer was the very first thing to go. I hate watching other people's video tapes...and I really don't even like watching my own. Luckily, Mike agrees, so we ditched that. We also got rid of the traditional limo that drives the bride to the church and then from the church to the reception. I just don't see the point. We're also cutting costs by having a bare-minimum bridal party (3 attendants each) and only inviting family and extremely close friends.

I did have a friend, who I was not planning on inviting, that invited herself to my wedding the other day. I'm a little uncomfortable, because she keeps asking to help and I keep telling her that I have it all under control, and I know she'll be expecting an invite. I haven't really talked to this person in over a year, but we used to be really good friends. I'm trying to find a diplomatic way to tell her that she's not on the list.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


Lavender is fantastic in bouquets, because of the scent. I was in a wedding about two years ago and each of the bridesmaids had a small spring bouquet that included a little lavender. Right before we walked into the chapel, we warmed the lavender with our hands so that when we walked in, it lightly scented the chapel with the scent of fresh lavender. It was quite cool, although I think it only worked because it was a pretty small chapel.

On an semi-related note, that was the same wedding where the night before, the bride was ready to call the whole thing off and return the gifts. The maid of honor and I convinced her to go through with it because a) her brother had come all the way from England to be there, and b) if she still felt like it was a bad idea on Monday, she could get it annulled. Then we got her liquored up a bit a couple of hours before the ceremony. It went fine and they are still happily married, heh.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002


Bumping this up as T's wedding is 3 months away, and I know there are more new fiancees in the mix.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002

wow, t, only 3 more months? that's great!

ok, i am one of the "new fiancees." SO weird to say that! fiancee! we just got engaged on friday and we are just thrilled. (though i still can't believe it's really "real!") anyhow, my question to all of you wedding planners is: when to set the date?

i am floored by how many people have already asked us that, and am so up in the air as to when it should be. the wedding will be in cleveland, ohio, so weather will play a really big part in everything. plus, i hate being cold. so, my quandry is to rush the planning and try to pull it off in september of this year, or wait until april/may of 2003? i know this is a personal decision, and so many factors will weigh in, but from a logistical standpoint...is it even feasible to plan this thing in 7 months?

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002


My wedding is three months from today, everything needs to be ready to go three months from Friday, and I've been having chest pains - chest pains, y'all, every day since Wednesday.

Kim, you can do it in seven months, but only if you have a mother who you can count on. For a long distance wedding (like mine) with more than 150 guests and catering, etc., give yourself a year. Plus, it's February, and a lot of the good reception sites and photographers were snapped up in January by all the Christmas engagements.

So. I guess the moral is, call churches and reception sites (and whoever else) that you think you absolutely must have, and go from there. If they're available, great, but if not, don't settle - just go with a longer engagement. Trust me - it will fly by, especially when you're planning it from Atlanta.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002


(That sounds like I can't count on my mother - I can! - but she works full-time in a job that was only made more difficult after 9/11. What I mean is, for a long-distance wedding, make sure you have a mother - or a sister, whoever - who can deal with all the things that you can't from Atlanta.)

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002

"Bumping this up as T's wedding is 3 months away, and I know there are more new fiancees in the mix."

T, your wedding sounds more and more interesting every day! Now you have more fiancees in the mix? Couldn't something like that keep off of Town and Country's Weddings page? :)

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002


Even with a wedding in town, I'd recommend a longer engagement. Give yourself plenty of time to plan.

We got engaged Christmas Day, and in the past 2 months I've found that some of the places that I've looked at are already booked for our wedding day, which is March 29, 2003, which is still over a year away. I can't imagine what I would be up against if I tried to do this in 7 months. This way, we can afford a nicer wedding and I'm not quite so stressed in the planning.

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


T, thanks for the advice. And good luck with all your stuff. Chest pains aren't good, so try and take it easy! Anyhow, I am an idiot and completely forgot that his sister is pregnant and due in September, therefore ruling that out! So, looks like we're shooting for April or May of next year. Good for planning purposes, but I'm just so anxious to get everything rolling...particularly the dress! You know, the fun stuff!

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

So, to round up, we have Kim (congratulations!) joining Catherine, Leigha, T, Sophie, Jessamyn . . . who am I leaving out?

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

Leigha, we must have posted at the same time, bc i didn't see your reponse! wow. that makes me feel better that our date is so far away,so we have time to plan, but also tells me i need to get in gear and start calling around! thanks for the wake up call.

what was booked? church? reception site? photographer?

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Man, am I ever feeling like the slacker bride. Y'all, my mom is going to wind up planning the whole dig-dang thing in Philly (I'm in Toronto, finishing up grad school, job-hunting, and trying not to go to pieces in anticipation of my fiance's departure when he has to return to England), and we are doing this in October. We've set a date (weekend of October 18), but that's about it. Of course, certain things are simpler for us, to wit: no white gown and no house of worship to arrange. My attendants will be my two sisters and best female friend, for whom I'm bridesmaiding this summer. The reception is likely to be a casual-yet-swanky buffet & dance at a restaurant rather than a full-service dinner, and we're going to have the ceremony & partaaay on separate days (probably). However! The fact remains that the only detail that's been worked out is the date, and I'm starting to think: OH, SHIT.

Are there any former brides in here who have planned their weddings (or let their mamas plan their weddings) in 7 months or under? How did that go?

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Sophie, after a long engagement, we decided in June of 2000 to get married the following September. That's almost four months of planning, and it worked out very well for us. It sounds like you're planning something similar to what we had, so I think you should be okay. I'd get your restaurant reserved ASAP and start shopping for a photographer, florist, and a band or DJ, if you plan on having the dance. And please, learn from my mistake: order your invitations NOW. I ordered mine borderline late but the freakin stationary store messed them up THREE TIMES. In the end I gave my guests three weeks to RSVP. Luckily almost all of our guests were close friends and family who knew to reserve the date, but I still felt really rude sending them so late.

Congratulations!

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Aidan, thank you so much. I so love reading and talking about planning a grand event (not to mention attending one), but I know myself well enough to know that I am absolutely not the girl to plan or be the focus of such a thing myself. So it's a huge relief to know that you can plan & do a really lovely Major Life Cycle Event on a fairly brief schedule.

Your recommendation re: invitations is much appreciated, too. I'm taking a rare books class this term, and our prof gave everyone in the class copies of a huge typeface sample book. Oh, the geeky glamour! Marcus & I are constantly poring over it, wondering aloud over whether we prefer Copperplate Gothic Light or Bodoni or some Schoolbook font.

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Ooh - invitation fonts! We really want to do the formal, small caps looking font rather than a scripty one, but C is afraid that it will look like a legal announcement. Any thoughts?

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

Well, the law firm I used to work for *did* use a formal small-caps font for a reception they threw, but it looked really appropriate for the event. It was subtly snazzy, and not at all stuffy. I say go for it. Does your stationer have a font sample book? There are many very nice sans serif small caps fonts to choose from. I'm going to hunt down a typography website so we can all discuss from examples rather than images from our heads.

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

Oh - please do! I definitely want the type to have serifs - this is a formal, 7:30 p.m. ceremony - but I don't want it to look silly.

Also, I'm going to order my invitations through Dewberry's Engraving out of Birmingham - they're mail-order with AMAZING prices for real, live engraving rather than thermography. They send you a whole honking sample book, which is nice.

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Here's a page that has some different wedding typefaces...

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

That site is great, T. I kinda totally hate the Artistic & Casual fonts, but there are a number of Formality ones that I love love love. Let's see...#3 is great -- you've got nice serifs, but they aren't hanging down like scary vampire teeth as in #1. You simply cannot go wrong with #11. So striking, so legible! If you want a hint of F. Scott Fitzgerald (minus the insanity and drinking and financial insolvency, of course), #6 is very nice.

Here's another page, done by the only die-stampers in Scotland! I love their sample names. And they have an example of possibly my favourite font, ever, Caslon. In small caps, no less!

MyFonts.com is sort of a portal to many online typeface foundries, the great big grandaddy of which is Adobe. They have a host of silly fonts, but that Aldus sure is nice.

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002


Ah! I want Edinburgh Copperplate!

-- Anonymous, February 27, 2002

I went for the best of both worlds on our invitations. We had the formality of the seriffed small caps for the body of the invitation, but our names were in an ultra-cool (I thought) script that almost looked hand-written. Engraved in silver, on plain white with an inset border. My mom thought they were too plain, but I thought they rocked.

And I still have like thirty of them, if anybody's in the market for a wedding invitation from 2000. *snort*

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002


The "Casual" fonts made my skin crawl, but I confess a sick liking for the "Artistic."

But I heart the Sackers, solid, the most, I think.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002


Now, this is wholly in the spirit of giving a friend some publicity, and is not meant with any sanctimony . . .

A friend of mine is webmaster for I Do Foundation, which allows couples to coordinate charitable donations and their registries. It's brand new, so there aren't a lot of stores or charities participating yet (two of them being marthastewart.com and Nordstrom's), but I figured I'd let all our brides-to-be know.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002


Well, to answer a question posed a few weeks ago, this is what I've gotten taken care of so far:

I've booked the church, the same church that my fiancee grew up in. I've booked the reception site, which is a nice country club near the church. The country club also demands that they do our catering, so that's planned, too. Our photographer is just waiting for our deposit check, as is our DJ. All the tedious stuff is taken care of for now. I'm waiting on the dress until about September, and that's when the rest of the fun stuff kicks in.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002


Oh my God. T, look at this.

I mean, I've seen some crazy stuff, but this takes the (wedding) cake.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Oh, T, that reminds me. I hope it's not too late to return your veil, because at Disneyland, they sell white sequined Minnie Mouse ears with an attached veil.

And little table decoration bride and groom Mickey and Minnies. And a groom's top hat with Mickey Mouse ears.

Is it too late to retheme your entire wedding?

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Oh, T, that reminds me. I hope it's not too late to return your veil, because at Disneyland, they sell white sequined Minnie Mouse ears with an attached veil.

You know, I have already suggested that, and she didn't go for it. I can't imagine why not. There's no accounting for taste, hannah.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


I think the [i]Precious Moments[/i] theme that T has chosen will be lovely.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

How did you know what invitations I had picked out, Robyn?? It was supposed to be a surprise! "Today is the day when I marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love..." and all that!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Because it's all about having and sharing and giving and receiving...

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Well dammit, now I guess I have to go with the plain old ecru card that says, "Mr. and Mrs. T request the honour of your presence at the Nuptual Mass uniting their daughter, blah blah blah" rather than something so much more expressive of the feelings that C and I share.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

"Mr. and Mrs. T request the honour...

It appears that your parents manufacture bloody mary mix? Rock!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


T, I'm still surprised you didn't insist on having the wedding in Atlanta, at the sight of your first meeting.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Ok, I might be a little slow on the uptake, but T, how did you and C meet?

I'm a sucker for these stories. (Sorry if you've already told the story a million times here...and I missed it!)

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Sophie asked: "Are there any former brides in here who have planned their weddings (or let their mamas plan their weddings) in 7 months or under? How did that go? "

Me -- we did it in under six months, long-distance. I should point out, however, that all I did was go to Las Vegas, walk into the Four Seasons, and avail myself of their wedding coordinator. Thirty-six hours later, I boarded a plane, having booked a florist, a photographer, a string quartet and a DJ. We had the Four Seasons cater our sit-down dinner and tend bar -- and guests are still talking about the food, almost two years later.

I should point out, however, that I had several factors going for me: I went to Las Vegas, where the wedding industry is highly competitive and run with brutal efficiency; people in other parts of the country may have to work a lot harder to find and book great vendors. My husband's childhood pastor was all over the chance to fly out to Las Vegas and perform a wedding -- that's not easy/allowed for some of your more strictly-observed religious officiants. We had a small wedding (60 people) -- bigger weddings tend to be more daunting in terms of logistics. I had a mixed-sex bridal party, and the dress code was "show up in something black that makes you feel fabulous." Anytime you're coordinating bridal party attire, that adds more to the pre-nuptial planning. I didn't have to worry about money, so I didn't have to spend time comparision-shopping. Finally, I wasn't one of those women who had pre-planned her wedding, so most of the time, my litmus test was, "Will this work? Do I like it? Fine."

(For example: I bought my dress, sequined stiletto sandals, and handbag at Nicole Miller in a thirty-minute shopping trip on my lunch break from work. This is what the dress looked like, except without the dramatic bias seam and in ivory. I realize for most women, picking out a dress takes longer.)

The most time-consuming aspects of the wedding planning were:

1. Designing the wedding website, the print invitation and the Las Vegas tourism package we sent to each invited guest. 2. Making these centerpieces for six tables. 3. Getting my veil made; although my dress was quite simple, my veil was a combination of my grandmother's 15-foot silk netting, trimmed into a double-layer, floor-length veil trimmed in plain ivory satin and attached to my mother's headpiece. Getting the wrinkles out of a sixty-year-old veil and finding a tailor to whom I would trust two family treasures was easily the most stressful part of my attire.

But in my opinion, the personal time was well-spent, because it gave the wedding a very personal and welcoming touch.

So: my advice is to rely heavily on expert word-of-mouth (we used the Four Seasons' recommended vendors), set your priorities early, stay organized, be decisive, and don't regret decisions once made.

Good luck to all you under-a-year fiancees!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Dude! Sobell's here! Hi Sobell!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

(o/t to Kim: Clermont Lounge.)

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Good luck to all you under-a-year fiancees!

Oh, my Lord. Count us among them. The MOC and I got engaged last night.

He'll make an honest woman out of me yet.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Al!!! Congratulations! And to you, too, MOC. You're a lucky man.

How'd he propose? Are you going to go with the Minnie Mouse veil??

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Congratulations Al and MOC!

Now, since I am anticipating/hoping there will be lots more wedding discussions, can we start a Wedding Thread, Part 2? This one takes for-evuh to load!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Done, Missy.

Because I am a wedding addict.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Dear Lord! Al, don't go running to a man who treats you common. I know the Tide won't play tonight, but that's nothing a bottle or two can't fix.

Remember that he was a big evil Diet-Coke-buying liar who wouldn't tell you when your best friend was coming to visit.

Oh, I foresee doom. I foresee a wedding where the entire wedding party is busy reading, and bothers to look up only when the minister asks who took his Bible. The groom will be in the corner arguing about political patterns in colonial Pennsylvania, the bride will skip the reception to make sure 'Bama doesn't blow its 45-3 lead in the last two minutes, at least one person will come up missing, the cat will sob its sad story of rejection, T will have flashbacks, and JoLo, while looking fabulous, will unleash wrath not seen below the Mason-Dixon line since someone leaned out a window on Peachtree and yelled, "Torch this, Sherman!"

Can we not stop this unholy union of bibliophiles before they spend their honeymoon at the annual Emory book sale?

Ah well. If it must be, it must be. Hopefully it will be with B171.

He got the heart-shaped diamond with the heart-shaped side stones, right?

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


WG, you are truly a gifted prophet. All of that could easily happen.

No, he got the perfect pearl ring with the perfect diamond side stones - the ring I specifically said I loved and he did everything right. The MOC is, without a doubt, a man with a plan and a heart the size and shape of a huge wedge of cheddar.

And, he had to do it last night because the ring had been in our house for several days and his internal spreadsheet was straining under the weight of the secret. AB and Pamie have turned him into a really accomplished liar. Thank you, ladies.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Wow! Congrats to the MOC! Y'all engaged and married people must be contagious. We definitely need the Mongo wedding thread now.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

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