You Know You've Been At This Forum Too Long When (group participation humor)greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread |
okay,I hope this hasn't been done before, if it has I'm sorry.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN HERE TOO LONG WHEN
You pick apart every pollyanna news blurb piece by piece and can tear it to shreds with facts.
You know even the names / styles of the TROLLS.
You know when somthing has been posted fifty times before.
Anyone have anything too add?
-- Deborah (toomuchtime@my.hands), February 20, 1999
You know you've been here too long when..Your 70+ year old parents tell you the story about what they did last weekend, and you immediately start to "look for holes in their story".
You bring your cat to the vet to see if it's Y2K compliant. The vet tells you it is. You don't believe him.
You wake up at 1 AM, and get up to go to the bathroom. You realize that Gary North is on Art Bell. You stay up to listen to it. Oops. That's exactly what I'm doing right now.
You go to the bank to withdraw all your money. It's not until you get to the teller that you realize you don't HAVE any money.
You fill your waterbed mattress with kerosene.
You look suspiciously at anyone named Joanne.
You buy your 7 year old a Glock for her birthday, figuring she'll "grow into it".
You live in San Diego, but you buy a kerosene heater "just in case".
You buy several Japanese bean husk pillows, and put them in buckets with an oxygen absorber.
-- not me (not@saying.com), February 20, 1999.
Yea, it's 3:00 Am, and I'm not at the top of the posts yet! <:)=
-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), February 20, 1999.
You're e-mailing a friend and write your BB nameYour whole family laughs if someone mentions fruitcake, groundhogs, beavers, or alphabet flu ;-)
Your meal isn't complete unless you choke at least once over some thread
You pick yourself up off the floor +10*/day from ROFL
You can't pass a grocery store without buying rice, soup or Spam
You have more lanterns than lamps and live *with* electricity
-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 20, 1999.
You're sitting there staring at the "Reload" button on your browser with a growing sense of angst ...Got rounds?
-- Debbie Spence (dbspence@usa.net), February 20, 1999.
ROTFLMAO! That "reload" answer hit home the closest! But also:You have to hide from the UPS person at 3 p.m. because you're not dressed yet.
Your trunk is full of 5-gall buckets because you have nowhere left to store them.
The Head Cat comes up and demands you clean out the litter boxes--NOW!
You tell your real estate agent to make appointments to show between ten and two, because you're at the computer the rest of the time.
Meals consist of food that can be eaten with the non-mouse hand.
-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), February 20, 1999.
You know you've been at this forum too long when...your new mantra has become "We'll be beefing up our server farm soon..."
you know who's posting answers to which threads at the moment, and you're having multiple real-time conversations with multiple posters across several threads...
you come to the forum for news and go to the news sites for verification...
you imagine each of the "cast of characters" on the forum as whatever hollywood actor seems to most fit their on-line personality...
the biggest laugh you get each day is statements made by John Koskinen...
you are ripped to shreds to the core of your being by this internal debate in the supermarket - "Should I buy that Fruitcake? No! Yes! No, I don't LIKE fruitcake! Yes, I should buy it! No!..."
every time you have to fill out some official type form, you make note as to whether the date spaces are two digit or four digit. You make assumptions about that organization's state of remediation based on this...
you have your "Y2K Tape" cued up and ready to go in the VCR in case some Y2K report comes on the news...
-- pshannon (pshannon@inch.com), February 20, 1999.
You wake up in the middle of the night thinking about chemical toilets.You can't wait to see how Arnie and Mrs. Rimmer's trial run went.
You have to be away from your computer for the weekend and can't wait til the kids leave for school so you can catch up on how everyone's doing.
You read through the posts to see if Old Git posted something so you can see what clever by-line he's used this time. Got a book of quotes?
You read the post about a y2k valentine present and wish your spouse was so romantic. (I got oil lamps and a kerosene heater for my gift!)
You know you can rely on Kevin for all the official "skinny". Thanks, Kevin
What a hoot to keep up with you guys. Linda
-- newbiebutnodummy (Linda@home.com), February 20, 1999.
You know you've been here too long when none of your family and friends even question that you begin many conversations with the words:"At Yourdon's this morning,..."
But they do continue to smile sweetly at you as if you were a potentially dangerous nut case who is best handled with humor, just before they ask you the best foods to keep in the pantry for emergencies, or tell you about the great water filtration system they found at a bargain.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature....Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller
-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), February 20, 1999.
You read threads about "You Know You've Been At This Forum Too Long When (group participation humor)" and think to yourself - man what a bunch odd folks, they should REALLY get serious about this stuff.-- Greybear
- Got Humor?
ps, your interst perks up every time you hear a modem connecting
-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), February 20, 1999.
- You can type in the URL for this forum from memory.- You can read 10 threads a minute.
- You started reading the forum when the sun went down, and now the sun is up.
Mike
-- Mike (justmike11@yahoo.com), February 20, 1999.
You know you've been at this forum too long when ...Waking up, you flip on the computer BEFORE making coffee and puttering.
You forget to phone your old friends to chat and send em an e-mail instead. (Cant tie up a decent phone line with off-line conversations).
You cant decide if you should check breaking news or the breaking forum first.
Youre travelling up to Portland & Seattle to attend Year 2000 Expos and meetings, meet Ed Yourdon, and are still feeling disconnected and restless knowing youre becoming more and more Y2K behind by being off-line and computerless. (Go figure).
You find a local Portland health food store with free consumer (IBM not Mac) reference computers and still you brave the Microsoft window to check the forum through for the Y2K latest news while munching a veggie burger. (Are we healthy yet? *Big Sigh*).
When checking the forum you find following Kevins latest links or locating that last key link to round out your latest hot internet research story ... is more important that eating or -- heaven forbid - - forgoing a walk to sip a caffe latte at the local Silicon Valley java hang-out.
Diane, pink-eyes@digital-living.net
-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 20, 1999.
When you stop in your tracks when passing people having a conversation about embedded chips and eavesdrop. :>
-- Moore Dinty moore (not@thistime.com), February 20, 1999.
You start womdering "Am I still a Newbie?"You can remember when a regular was a newbie.
You click on statistics and recognize all of the posters just from their e-mail address.
You can't go to bed without checking your threads for new answers.
If you have new answers you stay up just a little while longer to respond and then go to bed later: at dawn.
You can tell who is posting (in a long post) before you get to see the posters name.
Everyday you wonder when the heck that new "server farm' is coming.
You post certain threads with certain subjects for certain posters who you know will respond and then have fun when they do.
You are considering publishing the "Forum's Guide to Trolls".
You dream about the forum.
You miss regular posters if they are gone for a couple of days and begin to worry about them.
You don't remember what the heck you use to do all of the time before you found this here Asylum!
You know how to hotlink but sometimes get lazy 'cause you know that someone else will do it - and you can also guess who it will be.
You have an FRL nightmare and see flaming fruitcakes hit your puter, resulting in orange flames and black smoke pouring out of your monitor. (This happened to me last night after being on the Gnome thread too long and then listening to Scary Gary) Yawn.
-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 20, 1999.
Rocking out to Madonna's "Ray of Light" CD, wavin my mouse to the beat, tract #7 Sky Fits Heaven:Sky fits heaven so fly it
That's what the prophet said to me ...
That's what my future could see
Traveling down this road
Watching the signs as I go
I think I'll follow the sun
Isn't everyone just
Traveling down their own road
Watching the signs as they go
Fate fits karma so use it / That's what the wise man said to me / Love fits virtue so hold on to the light/ That's what our future will be
Traveling down this road / Watching the signs as I go / I think I'll follow my heart / It's a very good place to start / Traveling down my own road / Watching the signs as they go / Traveling, traveling / Watching the signs as they go
Hand fits giving so do it That's what the Gospel said to me ...And flying in that contentment zone, scanning threads like lightning, flipping to news & back, news & back, rockin & mousin & soakin it all in, til Ashton drags me off ... everything else around me piling up ... withdrawal downer ... humming Watching the signs as they go ...
xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx
-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 20, 1999.
When the weekend comes around and YOU"RE GLAD there's bad weather so you can stay inside at your keyboard, instead of going out and cutting more firewood or doing some other preparation-type activity.WW
-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), February 20, 1999.
When you actually begin to seriously consider if:Your phone is tapped
Your email is tagged
Your car is tailed
You are TOAST NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!!!!!!!
You see Wild Weasel's post above yours and wonder if he's been looking in your windows
-- Wanda (lonevoice@mailexcite.com), February 20, 1999.
...you realize no telemarketer (or friend or creditor...) has been able to reach you for months!
-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), February 20, 1999.
When ...Youre always creating hotlinks because some Yourdonite poster made the mistake of showing everyone how to.
And you find yourself enjoying clever troll responses (think rattlesnake)...
Supermarkets, Duct Tape, and Phone Gnomes (Humor)
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000W78Diane
-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 20, 1999.
"Layman's Computer Terms"
CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.
FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips").
HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it.
-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 20, 1999.
ROFLMAO, Gayla! clipping to wordpad now....printing.
-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), February 20, 1999.
You refuse to learn to make hot links, knowing if you do you'll never leave the computer.You tend to eat computer foods, those not requiring a spoon.
You read a book while computer is loading to keep your patience intact.
You read less food prep and storage posts. Been there, done that.
You set a kitchen timer by the computer so you won't forget the pressure canner and redecorate the kitchen with pinto beans.
90% of your bookmarks, or favorites, are Y2K related.
You promise yourself a mid-afternoon quickie (computer) if you clean the bathroom first.
Old Git, I'm getting very skilled at eating with my left hand.
-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), February 20, 1999.
***You read less food prep and storage posts. Been there, done that.***I can really relate to this one.
-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), February 20, 1999.
No 10 - Your setting on a 5 gal can of Pinto while you compute.No 9 - Your kids are continually whining about you trying to bake cakes on a Coleman stove outside.
No 8 - You know exactly how much a thousand rounds of .223 weighs
No 7 - You have actually developed a taste for rice and beans
No 6 - You start imagining those dotted lines drawn on the torso of you dog.
No 5 - You catch yourself starting to think "having a 50 cal on the roof is not ALL that unreasonable"
No 4 - The City water tanks run out and they come to you for temporary help.
No 3 - You new doctor asks for your age and you respond "Why do you need to know that?"
No 2 - Your storing camo diapers for that new grand baby
And the No 1: Your hum-vee has a bumper sticker that says "Happines is a belt-fed weapon."
-- Greybear
- Got Lists?
-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), February 20, 1999.
When you go to the "office superstore" and shell big bucks for a new chair to use at your computer desk. And you can justify it to yourself and your spouse, because you're spending every free waking moment there anyway.WW
-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), February 20, 1999.
You know you've been on this forum too long when..."You can tell who is posting (in a long post) before you get to see the posters name." Gayla stole this one, I was gonna say that...(would-be trolls, take notice of that one ;-))
When you move your coffee pot next to your puter.
When your dog knows the daily routine by heart; follows you to your puter and makes himself comfy as it's gonna take hours, then jumps up as soon as he hears the clicking sound the puter makes when you shut it off, and starts his "take me out" dance.
When you run out of place to hide dirty lundry.
When you let the answering machine screen all calls, ensuring that you answer only the very most important ones, as calls detract from the forum.
When you feel as if a family member died when they say good-bye and don't return (still grieving over E. Coli and Deedah :-( )
-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), February 20, 1999.
When you wake up in a cold sweat screaming about penis cheese!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!I am really scared now!!
-- shellie (shellie01@hotmail.com), February 20, 1999.
BTW, perfect puter food: Costco's Breaded Scallops Wrapped in Bacon, held together by a toothpick. mmmMMMmmm! (Was at Costco today...can't resist their delicious frozen hors d'heuvres :-P~~~~~)
-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), February 20, 1999.
Well, my girlfriend (a GI) keeps threatening (in a kidding way) to break up..."Get away from the keyboard and spend time with me!", sed she.
-- Tim (pixmo@pixelquest.com), February 20, 1999.
Tim, don't fret. It's a common ploy. My husband has been threatening me for the past 8 years, since I first discovered the net.
-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), February 20, 1999.
Greybear:Mrs Driver sat inthe other room and HOWLED as I read your list to her.
You know you've been here too long when the folks a Lehman's know you by your first name.
When you know the route through Wooster, to Apple Creek and the turn towards Kidron (It's a bit of a surprise) better than the route to your mother-in-law's house.
When your spouse asks if you plan on living with the Forum when she has filed.....
Chuck, da Night Driver
-- Chuck, night driver (rienzoo@en.com), February 21, 1999.
when....-you are on the computer when your husband gets up at 5:30 AM and also when he gets home at 5:30 PM (but honey, it's just a coincidence...really...I only go "on" 2 x a day)
-you find yourself waiting just a little longer to wake the kids for school so you can "finish" reading
-you go to bed with the family and then get back up after they are all asleep just to try and catch up
-you are seriously thinking of finding someone who can teach you how to muffle the "turn on" sounds of the computer going online (so you don't get caught in the middle of the night)
-you quickly switch the screen to "daily news" when someone walks by
-you stop telling anyone what the forum says, because they know you were "on it again for hours to come up with all that info and for pete's sake get a life"
-you get way out of touch with your real world friends because they have nothing to offer in the way of Y2K news or they are firm DGIs
Blessings...Mercy
-- Mercy (prepare@now.com), February 21, 1999.
When you trY TO FIgURE OUT Who is thAt FOOLISH TrOLL????WheN YOU HaVE MASTERD ThE art of maKing furNiture out of FIVE GALLoN BUCKEtS?????
WheN REcENT ANSwers is youR HomE PAGE?????
WHEN you can teLL IF TOILEt PAPER IS a good buy BASED ON tHe NUMBER OF SHEEtS PER RoLL Without a calcUlator????
WHEN it takes a minUte to recogNise FamILY MEMBeRS?????
When GoD TELLS YOU THAT It IS YOuR JOB TO ExPOSE FOOLIsHNESS?????
-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), February 21, 1999.
This cracked me up.WheN REcENT ANSwers is youR HomE PAGE
I think Dieters got what *has* to be the No 1 answer here.
-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), February 21, 1999.
This may be a bit off-topic, but for all you "mouse-disabled" denizens, the space bar will work just as efficiently on a long thread. "Shift/space bar" reverses the view. This allows you to place the keyboard on a side shelf and eat (with both hands) whatever you want, right in front of you, while you read. When you've finished dining, it also allows the Head Cat to move into the dining space for a tummy rub.
-- Rachel Gibson (rgibson@hotmail.com), February 21, 1999.
When out surfing you see something Y2K humerous -- that few on the outside would giggle at -- and you just have to share it with the group ...
http://www.mercurycenter.com/premium/svlife/docs/ leigh19.htmY NOT?: Song parodist ``Loose Bruce'' Kerr is out with a new ditty: ``Y2K'' based on the Village People's ``YMCA.'' Sample lyric: ``Young man, might your server go down? I said, Young man, will your customers frown? Your business, will it still be around, when it turns 010100?''
Kerr, an attorney with Sun Microsystems when he's not redoing lyrics, says the tune is getting some airplay or you can download it (www.broadcast.com/shows/loosebrucekerr/Y2K). Before New Year's Day, presumably.
-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 21, 1999.
When you begin to find diETer'S posts informative and entertaining.Greybear, twice on this thread, you've had me ROFL! Great Stuff.
Please, can someone talk me down? Recent Answers IS my home page!
-- Elbow Grease (Elbow_Grease@AutoShop.com), February 21, 1999.
Rachel - you're on to something there witht the fwd and reverse space bar - you get the ergometric award for the forum (ergoinches award for those of us below the border.) Also:Ctrl+[Home] -> goes all the way to the top.
Ctrl+[End] -> goes all the way to the bottom,
And, if both hands are full of food, you can still hit the space bar with your toe.
-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.R@csaatl.com), February 21, 1999.
Robert,Not sure about Netscape, but with Internet Explorer, the ctrl key is unnecessary, just press Home or End. Also, if you have a mouse with the "thumbwheel", click the thumbwheel and drag the mouse down slowly to set a comfortable scrolling rate. Voila! No hands required!
-- Elbow Grease (Elbow_Grease@AutoShop.com), February 21, 1999.