I was Baptised and raised Catholic but, I did not get confirmed. My boyfriend is Christian but not Catholic. Can we still be married in the Catholic Church or do I need to be confirmed?

Thank you in advance for you responce. ~Karly

-- Karly Huston (Hustonkarly@hotmail.com), March 01, 2005

Answers

Why don't you go and ask a priest instead of this web?

-- enrico figiani (sure@web.com), March 01, 2005.

Dear Karly, That depends on your local Diocese/Parish. Check with your priest.

But what's the point in worring about a Catholic Wedding? You stated, "I was Baptised and raised Catholic but, I did not get confirmed." Had you planned on coming back to the church? Are you going to follow the teachings of the Church? Are you going to go to mass every week and on Holy Days of obligation? Are you going to go to Confession/Reconsiliation? Are you going to practice NFP instead of using Birth Control? Are you going to evangalize your husband, because the husband is the Spiritual Head of the Household? Are you going to raise your children in the Catholic Church?

If you answered "NO" to any of the above questions, then why get married in the Church?

-- Davis (davishgray@aol.com), March 01, 2005.

Karly, Dear:
Davis is saying something VERY important. Try to understand him. We can't judge you; or judge the marriage you're making. That's not what we're saying at all.

But you ought to know above all, that GOD isn't pleased with a Catholic's LIP SERVICE to Him. We are Catholics to obey His commandments.

Asking if you ''can marry in a Catholic church'' --by just connecting a few dots, like a Confirmation, is trying to FOOL God. Might as well never go into a church again; you see? He expects your total commitment and LOVE.

You're also about to marry a Baptist. This is a serious decision; since he'll necessarily DENY the Catholic faith. Is this what God asks of you now? And you consider paying Him lip service in your wedding, just as a pretense; and later on becoming a Baptist when your husband intimidates you with false doctrines? He'll pull out all the stops to make you fall away from the Holy Catholic Church. You can just count on it. Play FAIR with Our Lord, Karly, and He'll TRULY bless you when you get married in His Church.

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), March 01, 2005.

Thank you all for responding to my question. I appreciate the imput although it may seem sever, I hope it is coming from a kind place.

To answer a few questions in my "defense"...for whatever that is worth. I do attend a chuch but, it is and evangelical free church. I still consider myself very much Catholic and I practice(on my own) the Catholic "holidays". I was not confirmed in the Church because it was a personal choice at the time, never a question of faith, just of relgion. I understand where you are coming from in saying I need to go to a catholic mass and my boyfriend will go but, i do not want to force him to attend if he truly does not belive... all of this is besides the point.

I do intend to raise my children in the Catholic Faith just as I was raised. I have discussed this with my future husband and he respects this. I do not intend to give up birth control, this may be a horrible sin but, I will not bring children into this world if I can not afford to take care of them properly. This may seem selfish and completly immoral to some people but, to me it seems right and ultimatly that is something I will have to live with and face when that time comes. I do not proface to be the best Catholic in the world but, I do try and I am proud to be Catholic for a number of reasons which I am sure many of you would share with me.

While I am loyal to my religion, I struggle with many of the small pieces of the faith. Ultimatly, I will try to be honest, loving to all people and remain judgement free because, after all, we will all have our own skeletons to deal with on the fateful day judgement.

I understand where you are coming from with your concerns of "lip service" to God, and admit to dishing out my fiar share from time to time. I will take your advice to heart and try to practice what I preach so to speak as we all need a reality check every now and then.

Thanks for your time, Karly

-- Karly Huston (hustonkarly@hotmail.com), March 01, 2005.

Dear Karly,
You do seem a bright and well-brought up girl, with many virtues. Your values are Christian, what's called ''lukewarm'' in your faith. You can definitely correct that. It's VERY easy, but it takes some guts.

You have to examine your conscience first. And see a good priest about ALL these things we're discussing here. Especially about artificial birth control. By doing this, you'll have allowed GOD, Our Almighty father--

To speak to your soul, which to Him is priceless and good. Not evil; but lacking holiness, is all.

The priest can give you counselling on the various problems you'll eventually have to face. You can still be married, in the Catholic Church; but the conditions will be extra hard for you. --First, you must confess your sins. The priest can hear your confession and give you absolution for ALL sin. If you let him.

You cannot be absolved unless your confession includes intentions to practice something sinful --artificial contraception. But you CAN learn exactly why it's an offense against God; and have a change of heart. You can be forgiven! Anything less is a deceptive marriage in the Church. That would be a sin by itself; receiving a sacrament (matrimony) with bad intent; continuing in sin.

Give your piest a decent chance to help you at least with good counsel. Just for your peace of mind. You came here-- that was to ask something, for your peace of mind.

Go on all the way. Don't be lukewarm. Jesus says: ''If you were only HOT or COLD, I could love you. But if you remain this lukewarm, I'll vomit you out of my mouth.'' Imagine how much sorrow it must cause his Sacred Heart; to say that to YOU, Karly? When He loves you so dearly!

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), March 01, 2005.

Hi Karley, I do not mean to sound negative, but sometimes the truth hurts.

I am a convert to the Catholic faith and truly love the Church. You were born in faith and are taking it for granted.

When I converted, my wife looked at me and said, "The Catholic Church is not a buffet, you don't get to choose which teachings you will follow. It's all or nothing."

"I still consider myself very much Catholic and I practice(on my own) the Catholic "holidays". "

How do you give yourself the Eucharist and receive Absolution? How do you practice the "communion of saints" when you don't commune with them?

"I was not confirmed in the Church because it was a personal choice at the time, never a question of faith, just of relgion."

Yes, Conformation is a choice but not of religion. It is a choice to receive the Holy Spirit...So you are saying that you chose to refused the Holy Spirit?

"I need to go to a catholic mass and my boyfriend will go but, i do not want to force him to attend if he truly does not belive"

How will he ever get a chance to believe if he never sees? You both need to read: 'Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic' by David Currie, you can get it through amazon.com

"I do intend to raise my children in the Catholic Faith just as I was raised."

How can you teach something you don't know or practice? You will be teaching your children that Catholicism is a religion of convince and not of true faith.

"I have discussed this with my future husband and he respects this."

He will respect your decision to take the children to Mass every week? HE IS NOT doing his part as a man of God. A man of God is called to be the first Priest of the family. His views WILL directly affect the children.

"I do not proface to be the best Catholic in the world but, I do try and I am proud to be Catholic for a number of reasons which I am sure many of you would share with me."

I don't know how you can profess to be Catholic at all and the only thing I see that we share is the name.

"While I am loyal to my religion, I struggle with many of the small pieces of the faith."

I hope you are more loyal to your husband than you are to the Church. I struggle with the traffic laws in my town, but I still have to obey them. I struggle with paying taxes ... should I stop paying the IRS?

"Ultimatly, I will try to be honest, loving to all people and remain judgement free because, after all, we will all have our own skeletons to deal with on the fateful day judgement. "

Matthew 7:21-23 "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!

Luke 6:46 "Why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and don't do the things I say?

Karley, there is a BIG difference between saying you are Catholic and being Catholic. To be Catholic means to live the faith - all the time.

-- Davis (Hello@There.com), March 01, 2005.

Thank you for your imput however I wish I felt more enlightened but, I rarely do when others must put people down inorder to feel more holy themselves.

Please know that you have no idea what I do as a Caltholic. Yes, I may attend a different church on Sundays but, I take communion once a month. I volunteer with my Caltholic church at the homeless shelter the first Wednesday every month I made a solo pilgramiage to Rome/Italy and visited many holy sites and went to Mass everyday by myself for 3.5 months after college and ...you know what, I have no reason to respond or defend myself to someone who so clearly has no intent on trying to help me but only to harm me so you are correct in stating you and I have very little in common.

Please don't tell me what I will and won't teach my children, to make such a harsh judgement of me from a small thread is very judgemental and self rightious.

This is not the open and caring Catholic Community that I grew up with and came to embrace. No further responces are needed to the original thread. My question has been answer, as I took the first persons advice and emailed my Catholic church.

Thank you, Karly

-- Karly Huston (hustonkarly@hotmail.com), March 01, 2005.

Hello, Karly. Welcome to this forum. I hope that you will keep coming here, as it will help you to become a better Christian and well-informed Catholic.

You said, "I was Baptised and raised Catholic but, I did not get confirmed" and "Can we still be married in the Catholic Church or do I need to be confirmed?" Davis replied, "That depends on your local Diocese/Parish."

I'm sorry, but Davis was wrong. The Church's regulation (Canon Law) says this: "Canon 1065 §1 Catholics who have not yet received the Sacrament of Confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to Marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience."

Karly, later you said, " I still consider myself very much Catholic" and "I understand where you are coming from in saying I need to go to a catholic mass and my boyfriend will go but, i do not want to force him to attend if he truly does not belive."

To be a practicing Catholic you yourself must attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation. However, your friend does not EVER have to go to Mass with you. It is entirely his choice. Your Marriage ceremony does not have to be within a Mass, and it does not even have to be inside a Catholic church. I hope that it will be, but it doesn't have to be.

Karly, you said, "I do intend to raise my children in the Catholic Faith just as I was raised."

Your intention is good, but it would not be possible for you to raise them "in the Catholic Faith" unless you renounce mortal sins (such as using contraception and failing to attend Mass every Sunday). If, by word or example, you teach your kids to commit mortal sin, you will not be raising them "in the Catholic Faith."

Karly, later you said, "I do not intend to give up birth control, this may be a horrible sin but, I will not bring children into this world if I can not afford to take care of them properly. This may seem selfish and completly immoral to some people but, to me it seems right and ultimatly that is something I will have to live with and face when that time comes."

The Catholic Church has never required anyone to "bring children into this world" that they "cannot afford to take care of properly." If someone told you that the Church requires this, he was ignorant or lying to you. A Catholic parent is required to be both "generous" and "responsible." This means letting God be God (not thwarting His will to allow conception when He desires), but it also means spacing your children in a responsible manner that fits your "means" (financial, physical, emotional, etc.). This spacing must be accomplished only by God-given fertility awareness (through the extremely reliable ways known as Natural Family Planning, NFP), which always lets God be God.

So it is NOT "selfish or immoral" of you want to space your children, even widely apart, because of your laudable desire to take care of them properly. What matters, however, is what you will do (or avoid doing) to accomplish your goal.

Karly, each use of a contraceptive (barriers like condom or diaphragm or drugs like "the pill" or other "artificial" things like an IUD) is a deadly sin, just as missing Mass on Sunday is a mortal sin. Perhaps you were never taught this, but if you die without having repented of your mortal sins, you will have chosen to be in hell, rather than in heaven, for all eternity. I mention this because of your words, "ultimately that is something I will have to live with and face when that time comes." I urge you to avoid having to face hell on Judgment Day.

Karly, we are not allowed to make decisions on what is, or is not, a sin based on what "seems right," but instead we have to listen to what the Church, incapable of error, teaches on these matters. It is not possible to "cancel out" one's mortal sins by kind acts, such as volunteering to help the poor, etc.. The only ordinary way for you to get rid of your past mortal sins (such as contraception and missing Sunday Mass) is to confess them in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Until you do that, you are not allowed to receive Holy Communion, because such reception is the very worst kind of mortal sin (known as a "sacrilege"). St. Paul warns us against doing such a terrible offense against God, saying that it can even cause us to become sick or die.

Karly, you later said, "Yes, I may attend a different church on Sundays but, I take communion once a month."

If you marry a Baptist man, you will be allowed to accompany him to his church whenever you wish (as long as you always reject, in your heart, any Baptist teaching that contradicts the Catholic faith). Regardless of whether or not you go to Baptist services, you will have to go to Mass every Sunday, because the Baptism service is not a substitute for the Catholic Mass. (In a Protestant service, while there are some elements of goodness and truth, there is no validly ordained priest, no full teaching of the Christian faith, no re- presentation to the Father of the Calvary sacrifice of Jesus, and no valid Holy Communion by which the real Body and Blood of Our Lord is received.) You will also have to promise (before the wedding) that you will never fall away from the Catholic Church. You need to obtain a copy of the "Catechism of the Catholic Church" (1997 edition) and read it slowly and carefully. It will really open your eyes to the beauty of the full truth, it will help you to live your life in a way that pleases God, and it will help you to raise your children properly.

May the Lord be with you in your journey.

-- Perry (PXav20951@aol.com), March 02, 2005.

Hello Karly, don't you worry, this forum will take care of you. It will tell you all you must and you must not to do. Then just follow it. Like that you'll be saved with no worries and that's what you want. Don't you? Then want it! We're happy to have you.

-- Marlo Winter (mrl8@aol.com), March 03, 2005.