need SERIOUS help PLEASE (JoeKP is back ^^)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : Ask Jesus : One Thread

guess whos back from a long break... sorry i cuoldnt come. some family issues... ive wisen up and that dino topic i made i couldnt find too much. ZAROFF you were right i knew nothing about it but no hard feelings here.

this page is for me and my friend. we both need help. my friend needs it more than i. he used to be such a good christian. now he is very... non believable. i just spoke with him and he says he'll think about it. i kno i must hav patience but im worried becuz we had the same conversation last year. it seems hes improved by a centimeter but im still worried. he knows god is here but dont like him becuz he thinks god hates him or things like that. he asks things like "how do you truly know god exist" and faith questions. does a man have to see to believe? does a man have to grasp and touch to tell difference between reality and illusion? he said yeah. i dont know what to say to him because i told him everything i knew, which took hours. he said he had nothing to say and i was speechless as well. he always thinks of negative. always blame god for everything to feel better. i used to be like that few months ago. i changed but my friend really is going to a different direction. you shouldnt care about what others say and criticize about your faith in god right? i mean thats what i think becuz if you listen to them it'll mess you up.

another thing is for me. today i cried, which i havent done for millions of years. i cried because everything i do i never do for myself. i always do for others like schoowork. i hate it and dont like it but try hard for my family. my mother says thats nothing. i just feel so injured by it. my parents used to abuse me and always criticize the way i do. i never had guidance except seeing my brother get hit by my parents long ago and grew up in fear like that. i knew nothing but fear. now i have no fear for that but fear for the failure of succession for christian life. not only for me but for others. im not trying to brag or anything. i seriously do this but im not sure if this is right. I think more about others than myself. i would rather die for a stranger i dont know and take a death for him or her. i put others in front of me. i do everything for others. its like going to war and fighting for others while i could die. i always fight a war in my heart everyday. i go through depression. many tests ive taken shows positive for depression and saying i need help. i dont want to go to counselor and being advised to become jewish because i never give up on something i cherish or cherished before. i need advice. for me and my friend. thats all i can think of right now. i need to go to sleep but please give me some advice.

-- JoeKP (joekinplaya@gmail.com), February 17, 2005

Answers

Pray pray pray

Cling to Christ. Talk to God all day long. Pray to Him when you wake up, when you're in the shower, when you're driving to work, when you're on break, in your heart while you are doing other things, and before you go to bed.

First of all, Jesus is your wonderful counselor. You could say he is the perfect psychiatrist. He listens and listens and cares for you more than any could. To top it off, God gives better advice than anyone ever could. When I was depressed, it felt good to unload on God all day long, from the big things down to the little things. You cannot imagine how good I finally started to feel just because I prayed more. Well, I hope that you can imagine soon!

Go to church. There is something to be said about surrounding yourself with others who believe what you believe. Cuz it sounds like you need a lot of support. Sure you can get it online, but humans need real human contact.

There is a lot of other advice that people can give you but this is a good starting point.

About your friend, you can talk to him til you're blue in the face but only God can change his heart. It's good that you do talk to him though, keep planting those seeds. But realize that it's God's job to change hearts so don't let your friend's feelings depress you- ok? I know it seems easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere when you're depressed and focusing on the right thing can help.

with love and prayer, marina

-- Rina (emailmarina@yahoo.com), February 17, 2005.


guess whos back from a long break... sorry i cuoldnt come. some family issues... ive wisen up and that dino topic i made i couldnt find too much. ZAROFF you were right i knew nothing about it but no hard feelings here.

Trust me, ive seen worse, and noen are felt.

this page is for me and my friend. we both need help. my friend needs it more than i. he used to be such a good christian. now he is very... non believable. i just spoke with him and he says he'll think about it. i kno i must hav patience but im worried becuz we had the same conversation last year. it seems hes improved by a centimeter but im still worried. he knows god is here but dont like him becuz he thinks god hates him or things like that.

Why does he think this?

he asks things like "how do you truly know god exist" and faith questions.

God's existance is self evidence, btu before we delv einto logical arugments, if he accepts God's exstance and hinks God hates him, why not ask how this makes any sence to ask this queastion?

Its a sid issue, relaly, maskgn the pain that sheilds him form his retrn.

does a man have to see to believe?

If so then quantum Physics woidl be impossible...

Many thngs are beleived withut seeing...

does a man have to grasp and touch to tell difference between reality and illusion? he said yeah.

So Hellen Keller lived in a Fantasy world? Again, many thigns are beleived thata rent seen base don evidence, and God can be seen and exoeirnced, and is in our dualy lives...

i dont know what to say to him because i told him everything i knew, which took hours. he said he had nothing to say and i was speechless as well. he always thinks of negative.

Therein lies the problem...

As a man thinketh, so is he...

Tell him that hsi thohths detemrien hsi acuiosn and ultmatley his direciton, and shudl he change simpley hi attitude, his life woidl improve. I knwo htis osunds corny, btu tis true.

always blame god for everything to feel better.

Sounds ty[ical. Cant be my fualt so its soemoen elses... in this cae God's.

He needs to take repsoncibiltiy fo his own toughts and deeds.

i used to be like that few months ago. i changed but my friend really is going to a different direction. you shouldnt care about what others say and criticize about your faith in god right? i mean thats what i think becuz if you listen to them it'll mess you up.

I use to do apologetivs, all that was was critiissm of my faith... peopel who critisise often do so out of pain and becaus they feel infirior, and need ot justify themselves, nt because htye have a point. Yoru frend is depresed, and instad of handlign his depression, he misdurects his ofcus and htes God, blaming him for his problems ratheer than workign through them.

he need to confirnt his isuses and work throught them, and stop blamign an external source for his woes.

self esteem will also prevent hi compalints.

another thing is for me. today i cried, which i havent done for millions of years. i cried because everything i do i never do for myself.

I odn see htis as a reaon for tears...

i always do for others like schoowork. i hate it and dont like it but try hard for my family. my mother says thats nothing. i just feel so injured by it.

1: by saygn you do for others and schoolwork, do you mean you do others work or your own to impress family?

2?: I come form am abusive background, so I knwo h lack of vlaidaiton, and hwo to work hrough it.

we can discuss on this thread or in email if you like...

my parents used to abuse me and always criticize the way i do.

Ive been there...

i never had guidance except seeing my brother get hit by my parents long ago and grew up in fear like that. i knew nothing but fear. now i have no fear for that but fear for the failure of succession for christian life.

Soudns liek you fear failure and rejeciton, an dposisbley beign abused an dunloved as a result.

but remmeber, bign a chrisan is baotu fredm of such fears, which are left behind us i the world when we are Born anew in Christ.

Christ came to save you, not to bring a whip t your bakc and force yo to labour.

The OCmmandments of christ are for your own benefit, to give you abundance, and not for gain of the maste rhimself.

To serve the Lord is to work toward love and epae, not to work towar dhis apoval, for he alreayd aporoved of you when he was nailed to a cross.

So fear nto in fialure, and merley do.

not only for me but for others. im not trying to brag or anything. i seriously do this but im not sure if this is right.

No one will call his bragging...and its undetsandable.

I think more about others than myself.

This is a virtue.Not a vice.

i would rather die for a stranger i dont know and take a death for him or her.

And the issue is?

i put others in front of me. i do everything for others. its like going to war and fighting for others while i could die. i always fight a war in my heart everyday. i go through depression. many tests ive taken shows positive for depression and saying i need help.

Have you ever considered tlak therapy for your issues? Not insulting, I knwo many mean it sarcasticlay, btu I mean literlaly.

Be careful if yo go that route thoh, many Psycheitrists only hand drugs out...

so select a good one. One that listens and cares.

i dont want to go to counselor and being advised to become jewish because i never give up on something i cherish or cherished before.

Uhm...why wouild they advice you rto become Jewish? The Psycheatric arts arent renouwned for vcovnersion. heck, im trainign o be a Psychologist, and no pae tof my textbook says "everyone shoidl be Jewish".

The religiosu beleifs of lcients is usualy repected and good Psycologists tend to use it to promote mental health no mater hwat faith it is, incuding Christain.

i need advice.

then youve coem ot he right place.

for me and my friend. thats all i can think of right now. i need to go to sleep but please give me some advice.

This we shall do.

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), February 17, 2005.


you remember the "Do you truly have uncondiotional faith and love" post i made? i believe that i have faith. I believe my friend has faith but has this urge to fail. i would really hate it if this truly fails. i try to use the word love ONLY with god and jesus. I try to becareful with that word. it's ever so hard. Zarove your replies are reassuring but what if we feel hard to go pray to god? what should we do? I long for the summer so i can go to summer retreat called Glory 2005. it helped me all these years but when I go back home i am back to my old self. I pray and pray and praise god until my voice goes away yet... what should I really do? It feels hard to pray but I try. Should I still pray on? and if i should what should i pray about? same goes for my friend

-- JoeKP (joekinplaya@gmail.com), February 17, 2005.

i also know the story of Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan. I think Helen saw the world more than we do today. We are so blinded by things like money and temptations. WHen Annie Sullivan taught her successfully she basically had no temptations for money. She had this quote before. ill look for it now and post later but it was really something. I think when God gives a woman birth to a "disordered" child it is a true blessing. God said, or jesus, or just somewhere in the bible, you need to get humility in order to gain wisdom. The child who is disordered will face humility from many people. also hopefully the parents wont spoil their child like Helen Keller was spoiled for the first 6 1/2 years of her life. ZAROVE i think you are partially right in my friend hiding his pain. i dont think its only that though. it has to be something more. im not wanting it to be something mroe but i sort of feel it. he always hides something but its not only emotions and pain. i think that he has no more patience for god and never received his prayers. He might've and never noticed but.. He said when he was young he prayed this prayer everyday. "God? Why don't everyone believe in you like we do?" now he is becoming into those everyone. I wish we all had childlike faith so that we wont give in to what others say. we would rather die (even if children fear death) than see our faith destroyed. that is the way of childhood. if we talked in person i would actually describe at least 50% of whats in my mind but...

-- JoeKP (joekinplaya@gmail.com), February 17, 2005.

thanks marina. How do I know if those seeds i plant into him will grow? The seeds wont grow without sunlight, water, and good soil. God even compares us as an example with soil, fruit, and seeds. what if god had chosen him to become cut from the tree? even if thats true i want to keep on trying and never give up because i told my friend that and I never go back on my word. thats why im too careful with commitments. but i have to help him. even if i cant help i can get others help right? i wish it was simple to help him better.. i really do wish it because i just feel pained that he has to go through the same exact pain i went to and that pain of loneliness, confusion, unacknowledgement from others, needing attention, and some undescribable feelings. those pains were close to hell. the fire of those pains burns and forever stays. right now im trying to handle it. I always think that if i fail i let others down and i put others in front of me. tahts how i go on and is the only reason i can really feel and be sure of. but i know god is there and he is not a reason. he is a miracle in me. i sometimes try not to believe him. then i have stopped to walk because i am tired. everyone wants to see what lies ahead in their path. at the end there is a door waiting to be opened and if i stop now ill never reach it but its so far. its so tiring to get there. (i use... umm whats the word... examples or... metaphor like this) im so stumped and confused. tired and still injured. i feel like bleeding in the heart from all this pain and i know my friend will too. right now i have alot of friends to depend on. my friend that needs help doesn't have TOO much friend. but he has friends like me. i wish i had more wisdom. what should i do? i know praying is a definite answer but there would be mroe wouldnt there?

-- JoeKP (joekinplaya@gmail.com), February 17, 2005.


[--thanks marina. How do I know if those seeds i plant into him will grow? The seeds wont grow without sunlight, water, and good soil. God even compares us as an example with soil, fruit, and seeds.--]

The short answer is that we don't know... it can be sad to see someone not appreciate the Lord but remember, you can't let it depress you. God has His own time table and His own plan. Also, what's that passage about Apollos planted the seed, Paul watered but God gives the increase?

Point being, if you're the one planting the seeds, you can water them, but it's not actually mandatory. God may provide other people in this young man's life to water. But only God gives the increase, so maybe part of your sadness is that you want to see the increase. Have patience my friend. It takes time for anything to grow.

[-what if god had chosen him to become cut from the tree? even if thats true i want to keep on trying and never give up because i told my friend that and I never go back on my word.]

Since you can never know if this young man is to be cut from the tree, please don't let this scenario depress you. Remember, in heaven all tears will be wiped away. It's good that you don't give up. If people had given up on me, I'd never be the changed person I am now. Trust me, I was one of the most evil, hard-headed, lying slutty people you could ever meet.

[-thats why im too careful with commitments. but i have to help him. even if i cant help i can get others help right? i wish it was simple to help him better.. i really do wish it because i just feel pained that he has to go through the same exact pain i went to and that pain of loneliness, confusion, unacknowledgement from others, needing attention, and some undescribable feelings. those pains were close to hell.]

Every one has trials and these trials that we overcome help us to empathize. If you didn't empathize with him, how could you win him over? It is sad, and it is painful, but the joy of the Lord is your strength, so rejoice!!! Rejoice in your trials and give thanks to God in all things. These trials help to perfect us. If you had a peachy keen life, would you really pray to God for anything? Does this sound silly to you? Well I was wrongly accused of something and I decided to rejoice about it and in the end, everything worked out AND I didn't have to suffer the stress of worrying.

[-the fire of those pains burns and forever stays. right now im trying to handle it.]

Give it to God. My daughter was afraid of gollum and had nightmares. I taught her to take every thought captive and ask God to take away the scary vision and safeguard her mind against the devil. A week later she told me, "Mommy, by the way I'm not even scared of gollum anymore, God just took him out of my head and I can't think about him and I don't dream about him anymore." You have to rest ASSURED that God can do this. Remember, Jesus "couldn't" do miracles in a town that had too much unbelief.

[-I always think that if i fail i let others down and i put others in front of me.]

Jesus said that his burden is easy and his yoke is light. It seems like you're trying to put a bigger yoke on yourself than even Jesus asks you to put on. God's strength is perfected in your weakness. YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN. What you said here is a form of pride. Before anyone jumps on me, just hear me out. People think that the world will fall apart if they mess up, does that not sound like a form of pride? So here's the deal. Tell God that you recognize that everything will work out according to His will and not your own... being humble is doing just this. Being humble is not sounding sad, acting like a mouse, etc. [-i wish i had more wisdom. what should i do? i know praying is a definite answer but there would be mroe wouldnt there?]

well, that depends on what you think wisdom is. wisdom is not the ability to convince someone that God exists. It's not the ability to fix people up. These things are in God's jurisdiction, not yours. Once again, humble yourself and let God know that you would love to be a part of His plan, but you realize that He is the one that ultimately causes the change in people's lives. All you can do is plant the seeds and/or water, remember?

By the way, proverbs is great with helping you to understand wisdom. I think one of them is 'the beginning of knowledge is to fear the Lord' (okay okay, i kinda didn't quote it exactly but the essence is the same). wisdom is not knowing all the right answers. in fact, God says that the know it alls are actually stupid. (my paraphrase, a bit of levity)

Anyway, part of your problem might be that you don't WANT to let go of your pain, especially if you've let that pain become a part of who you are. I know people like that. If you take away their pain, what lies beneath? they are too scared to find out because they are afraid that the answer will be nothing. honey, LET God take your pain and I promise you, no, God promises you that there is a strong, wonderful Christian lurking underneath... if you let him work through you.

-- Rina (emailmarina@yahoo.com), February 17, 2005.


i read proverbs according to date. if its january 2 i read prov 2. same with other months. i know wisdom isnt the ability to make a person believe in god. but i want wisdom to KNOW what to do at points. right now something is going down in my house so ill get back later. thanks marina and Zarove.

-- JoeKP (joekinplaya@gmail.com), February 17, 2005.

Moderation questions? read the FAQ