Please forgive me for this intrusion and for parading my personal life here. This is the only possibility I have to communicate with someone who has posted here as she refuses to discuss this matter with my fiance or myself.

Sassy it is a small world isn't it - or maybe I should say a small internet? A friend of mine saw your post on annulment and realised who you must be and showed me.

Now you know full well Salvatore could probably get your marriage annulled quite legitimately if you assist him. As you say you married in church to please him and his family. You are not religious and as you also say you would have been happy to marry in a civil ceremony. You said in your post if he said this on an application you would agree because this is the truth. But that is a lie. You keep telling him over and over, that you are to prevent the annulment and that it is hypocrisy. That's why he keeps "pestering and bullying you" - he needs you to help him on this.

What you don't say in your post was that you were told that a little more surgery would have given you a very good chance to conceive. You declined this because you didn't want to be scarred. You refused to discuss adoption even though he was happy to go for this option. I don't think you really loved him or you would have done anything.

When he left you had "moved on" as you put it, within six months. You have now remarried in a civil ceremony. So I can't understand why you are still dwelling on the past and preventing us from marrying in church when you know full well this is so important for me.

You know I am 37 years old and you know that you are preventing me from having children of my own if this can't be resolved fairly quickly. Having suffered as you did over this, I don't know how you can do this to another woman. He says he isn't going anywhere so you won't even split us up - we will adopt.

So come on Sassy please help us. This means everything to me and makes no difference at all to you.

Please.

-- Teresa (uknow@hotmail.com), January 24, 2005

Answers

Teresa,

Perhaps you could provide your side of the story as to what kind of cooperation you expect from Sassy. My recollection based on SassyQ's posts was that you and Salvatore want Sassy to say that she already knew about her fertility problems at the time of her wedding to Salvatore, and that she kept that information from Salvatore. Is that correct? I must say that I find her statement that she did not know about her fertility problems at that time very convincing. Do you think that she is lying?

SassyQ's belief that her marriage to Salvatore was valid, and her desire to prevent an annulment are of little importance to the Catholic tribunal, so why do they bother you so? What grounds do you think exist for the annulment?

My guess is that your best bet for an annulment is based on canon 1102 (conditioned consent), in that Salvatore's consent to the marriage was completely conditioned on and subordinate to SassyQ's ability to bear his children. The main evidence for this once it became clear that SassyQ could not bear his children, and that she was unwilling to continue with additional medical intervention, Salvatore quickly abandoned the marriage. SassyQ's statement was:

He left me because I couldn't have children - I can't think that anyone would believe what he did was right. I just wonder if he would do this again if his new partner had problems.

SassyQ was correct in one regard: Leaving your wife because she can't have children is very wrong; it shows that the husband considered the wife's fertility more important that his marriage vows. Fortunately for you, this means that his full consent to the marriage was lacking, and that the marriage was invalid.

-- Mark (aujus_1066@yahoo.com), January 24, 2005.

Mark, from what I read it looks like he was willing to adopt. So if a person is willing to do this it does not mean they have given up, but willing to go through other options. I know many couples who have adopted and then had their own after they adopted.

God Bless.

-- jalapeno (jalapeno52000@hotmail.com), January 25, 2005.

Mark, from what I read it looks like he was willing to adopt. So if a person is willing to do this it does not mean they have given up, but willing to go through other options. I know many couples who have adopted and then had their own after they adopted.

This is a good point, but I think that it can be dealt with by slightly modifying the wording of the condition that Salvatore placed above his marriage vows: That Sassy was fertile, or else she was willing to undergo any medical procedure, no matter what the risks, in order to become fertile, or failing that, she would be willing to adopt. When Sassy failed to meet this condition, Salvatore abandoned his marriage vows.

-- Mark (aujus_1066@yahoo.com), January 25, 2005.

Teresa no one is preventing you from having a family, you are preventing yourself.

If a church ceremony is so important to you why not find a man who has never been married. Or if you want stay with Salvatore, get married in a civil ceremony like everyone else does if one party has been married before - and have children now.

If he gets an annulment you can make things right later.

-- John T (John1953@hotmail.com), January 25, 2005.

that Salvatore placed above his marriage vows: That Sassy was fertile, or else she was willing to undergo any medical procedure, no matter what the risks, in order to become fertile, or failing that, she would be willing to adopt. When Sassy failed to meet this condition, Salvatore abandoned his marriage vows.

***The whole thing is sad. So many people out there like this, but don't bail out.

God Bless.

-- jalapeno (jalapeno52000@hotmail.com), January 26, 2005.