The man I am seeing is a widower (Catholic). I am not. My ex (also non-Catholic) left me for his mistress and eventually married her. I did not want the divorce esp. because there were children involved. For all three parties involved, this was our first and only marriage. This man I are happy together (no, we are not & would never consider living together without the marriage vow). His daughter objects to our relationship because she believes that even though my ex cheated on me and divorced me to marry "the other woman", her father would still be involved with adultery if he married me. She follows Trinitine (sp?) mass. Is there any scriptural basis that I can show his daughter (Matt 5:31-32 & Matt 19:1-9) to help her understand that I was not the "fornicator" and that it is better to marry than burn. I appreciate your help.

-- marsha cook (still-learnin@mail.com), July 18, 2004

Answers

Hello Marsha,

Please see this thread: Is Divorce allowed in the NT? . You will need an annulment of your previous marriage if you wish to legitimately marry this other man. Sometimes annulments are not granted, but sometimes they are.

Please pray to God for what to do in your situation. God has a place and purpose for you.

God bless,

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), July 18, 2004.

Techniclaly, she doesn't need to seek a annulment, since the Chruch never sanctioned her firts marriage. Seeing as she isn't Catholic...

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), July 18, 2004.

Zarove, I don't know much about annulments since I'm relatively new to Catholicism, but I don't think your statement is correct. I'm sure someone who's more knowledgeable about Catholic teaching can clear this up.

From my understanding, if the marriage was between two non- Catholics, it's considered valid on that basis (ie. cannot be declared null based on lack of form) because they were not Catholic. The Catholic Church recognizes non-Catholic marriage ceremonies.

However, if at least one party is Catholic and they get married outside the Catholic Church without the proper dispensation, or without formally leaving the Catholic Church, their marriage is considered invalid due to lack of form. They left their spiritual authority and did not get married in a legitimate Catholic ceremony.

Marsha, I hope that's not too confusing for you. I'm sure there's someone here who can help you clear things up more than I did.

God bless,

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), July 18, 2004.

Marsha,

Emily is correct. Your first marriage may be recognized as valid in the Catholic Church. In that case you could not marry this man. Seek guidance from the Church on this. I regret your first husband treated you with so much disrespect.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), July 18, 2004.

from 10 Questions about Annulment http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac1002.asp

The Catholic Church views all marriages with respect. It presumes that they are true or valid. Thus, it considers the marriages, for example, of two Protestant, Jewish or even nonbelieving persons to be binding in the eyes of God, unions covered by the words of Christ about divorce. Consequently, it requires a Church annulment process to establish that an essential ingredient in the relationship was missing from the start of the previous marriage.

Such a requirement often represents an unpleasant challenge to Protestant, Jewish or nonbelieving persons who wish to marry a Catholic after the civil termination of a previous marriage. They may have no difficulty with remarriage after divorce and even feel resentful about the prospects of a Roman Catholic formal annulment procedure.

-- tony c (casimir25@lycos.com), July 21, 2004.