My son who is getting married in Sept., has been denide a church wedding because our priest of 25yrs. says he wasn't given enough time in advance. My son and his future wife are both Catholic with all their sacraments. I have been so faithful to this parish and now I am so hurt. Our priest told them to get married in a civil ceremony and then in the future would bless their marriage. I guess what I really want to know, is there a law writtin in stone that says without a doubt the church needs at least six months advance notice. We are so very upset and I would appreciate any feedback. It just doesn't make any sense why the church would turn them away like that. Their is no pregnacy involve. It just seems like a very silly rule not to marry them this September. Please help, I'm so hearbroken over this.

-- Linda Miller (miller@nac.net), May 27, 2004

Answers

Response to How much time does a R.C. church nee in advance for a marriage?

Linda,

I'm sure Paul M. will answer your question in detail. But I know that a 3-4 month advance notice is doable. I have seen it done. For your priest to tell them to get married in a civil ceremony is ludicrous. It is heretical!

-- Brian Crane (brian.crane@cranemills.com), May 27, 2004.

Response to How much time does a R.C. church nee in advance for a marriage?

Canon Law does require that sufficient time be allotted for general announcement of the intent to marry, allowing for the possibility of necessary "inquiry" being made in the event of any possible impediments which might be brought forward by anyone in response to such public announcement (what used to be called publication of the banns of marriage). However, the specifics of this are left to the local bishop.

So, the matter of how much advance notice is required is not "written in stone" as a matter of Church-wide policy, and may or may not be specifically stated as a matter of diocesan policy. First, I would call my diocesan office of "family life" or "marital affairs" or whatever it is called in your diocese. Find out what the diocesan policy, if any, actually is. Then at least you know whether you are dealing with a higher regulation your priest is bound by, or merely with his personal whim or preference. If the diocesan office tells you there is a diocesan-wide standard of six months, ask if a dispensation from this ruling is possible, and explain your situation (the length of their relationship, the plans that are in place, etc.).

If it turns out that your priest's position on this is not dictated by diocesan policy, try approaching him again. Maybe you just caught him on a bad day (I would hate to think that he is like this on all his days). If he remains inflexible, you will have to weigh your loyalty to this parish and priest against the specifics of your current wedding plans. It is possible to approach the pastor of a neighboring parish (the groom's parish?) and explain the situation. You may find a compassionate ear. After all, there is really little preparation the priest has to make for a wedding. You have to do all the real time-consuming work. But Linda, please - "the Church" did not turn them away. This one man did.

Regarding the other matter, with all due respect, your priest is totally off the canonical wall. They CAN'T "be married" in a civil ceremony! Doesn't he know this? If they go through the motions of a civil wedding, they will NOT thereby be married! Therefore there will be NO marriage for him to "bless" later, and they will be living in sin until they actually are married in the Church. This IS "written in stone". If my parish priest was dispensing advice like this to the faithful, in direct opposition to the teaching of the Church, I would definitely look for a new parish.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), May 27, 2004.

Response to How much time does a R.C. church nee in advance for a marriage?

The 6-month notice has much LESS to with inquiry and a lot MORE to do with church/hall scheduling issues. You are NOT going to 6 months of inquiry classes once a week. Often, the inquiry consists of a weekend retreat, which, even if it is a full 48 hour weekend, allowing 8 hours of sleep per day, is only 32 hours of inquiry (and that's not even allowing for meals). So, technically, you should be able to complete the retreat the weekend before getting married.

I have always seen "6 months notice required" posted in church bulletins. I don't see the banns posted as much as they used to be--don't know why that is.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), May 27, 2004.

Response to How much time does a R.C. church nee in advance for a marriage?

Also, in regards to going to another parish, unless one or the other party has been registered at that parish for at least 6 months, they don't want to do the weddings either. That I don't understand at all--if one is Catholic, it really shouldn't matter which parish they want to get married at....

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), May 27, 2004.

Response to How much time does a R.C. church nee in advance for a marriage?

Linda,

Is it possible that the priest isn't accommodating an early wedding because he wants your son and his future wife to undertake some kind of Sacramental Preparation? It may be the policy that all couples undertake wedding preparation in order that there is less likelihood of them entering into a marriage they later live to regret and are unable to undo.

Just a thought.

God bless

Sara

-- Sara (sara_catholic_forum@yahoo.co.uk), May 27, 2004.

I want to thank all of you wonderful people for your support and taking the time to reply. I really needed your help, I just didn't know who to turn to. Thank you and God Bless, Linda

-- Linda Miller (miller@nac.net), May 27, 2004.

GT, I very much doubt if "church hall scheduling issues" have anything to do with it. Most Catholic churches are "unbooked" most of the time and it would be no problem to "book" a time for a wedding within 2-3 weeks if necessary.

Linda I really wonder if this is all a misunderstanding. Were you there when the priest told them all this? Are they of full age?

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), May 28, 2004.

Hi Steve,

Well, there is not only the church building/hall scheduling, there is also which priest you want officiating (some are more popular than others, the fact that weddings cannot be held on feast days or Sundays, etc. etc. Besides which we're not talking about "Las Vegas Wedding Chapel" 20-minute weddings, you're looking at a Mass (minimum time 1 hour), plus set-up and take-down time for decorations between each one, not to forget picture taking on the steps.

At my old parish, they did three weddings a weekend, all on Saturday, with about 15-20 minutes before and after each one. Not a lot of time. I don't think the Church allows for evening weddings, but am not sure.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), May 28, 2004.

Not to butt in, but I would advise you to write a letter to your Bishop if your priest told you to get married in a civil ceremony! He needs to know what his priests are saying, especially if he's advising him in his official capacity to sin.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), May 28, 2004.

GT, I myself was married in the evening, with Nuptial Mass (which is optional in any case). I doubt if there is a huge demand for weddings by Linda's priest if he has the attitudes she mentioned. I'm sure even if his advice was wrong it was motivated by a desire to prepare the couple properly for the marriage rather than any difficulty fitting the wedding into his appointment book.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), June 01, 2004.

I just have to share this with all of you. Last Tues. when I spoke with our priest about allowing my son to get married in our church, he told me that he could not make an exception for us since he had turned away other couples in the past for the same reason but he felt really bad about it. On Thursday he told my son again he could not do it since there wasn't enough time. Well, now the good news, on Saturday my son recieved a letter from our priest and said that after much thought and loosing sleep over the matter that he was able to get dispensation for the marriage and will now perform the ceremony in church, on their scheduled day. I can't tell you how happy we all are and I just wanted to thank everyone of you for being there for me when I was so desperate. I did get in touch with the diocese but before I received an answer, our priest came through for us. God Bless you all, this is a wonderful board!!!!! Linda

-- Linda Miller (miller@nac.net), June 01, 2004.

That's wonderful news Linda.

I'm still a bit concerned that someone (presumably your bishop) has instituted a cast-iron rule that 6 months' notice is required and that priests have to get formal "dispensation" from it. Especially if it results in the priest sending them off to be married by the civil authorities. Surely it's better for the priest to make an individual judgment whether the couple is ready to marry.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), June 01, 2004.

Steve, you are so very right. It is a little scary and in no way should there be those kinds of rules or a suggestion of getting married in a civil ceremony. I feel the same as GT who said that if you are Catholic, it shouldn't matter when or where you get married as long as it is in the Catholic church. I'm just so glad it has turned out so well for us but I feel so sorry for the others that were turned away. Take care and God Bless, Linda

-- Linda Miller (miller@nac.net), June 02, 2004.