Hi, I am a non-catholic who is living in a muslim country. Recently I stsrted attending the catholic church because I really needed to go to some church and I basically had a choice of 2 denominations neither of which i was familiar with. so, since I had met several catholics here who impressed me with their faith and spirituality I decided to give the Catholic Church a try. Anyway, I am thinking of joining - however - my marriage is breaking up and I am afraid that if I become catholic I can never remarry.

My husband is Muslim. I am a christian. My parents were catholic and married in the catholic church, however they stopped attending and I don't think they ever had us baptised. After that we went to different churches but my dad never liked to say he was any particular denomination. My husband and I had a muslim wedding in his country. Before the wedding I told him I will not convert. But he and his family still mislead some people to think I am Muslim. This makes me very uncomfortable and upset. He gets irritated with me if I wear my cross in certain places or around certain people. He beats me - and he has even beaten me when I was pregnant. Before we married he seemed as kind and gentle as can be. I would never have married him had I known this side of him. The abuse started after I found out that during our engagement -shortly before our marriage he cheated on me. Again I would never have married him if I had known about his cheating (and he knew that.) On top of that, because something aroused my suspicion, I did ask him BEFORE we married about the other woman and he lied. HE deliberately withheld facts that he knew might influence my decision to go ahead with the marriage. However because we were already married and I had one baby when I found out that he had cheated and lied and also because I was staying far from my family in a place where I don't feel secure, I have stayed and tried to make things work but I have suffered physical (he even beat me while i was pregnant and said he hoped I lost the baby), emotional and verbal abuse from him for too long now and I am starting to suffer from anxiety attacks and severe debilitating depression. He refuses to go to any counselling for the marriage, or for his problem with his temper. Everytime he gets angry like this he tells me to go away but then he changes his mind - I think he only "keeps" me because of the children who want to be with me. But he threatens me with the fact that all he has to do is say he divorces me three times and I am gone (in Islam it is very easy for a man to et rid of his wife and he has no obligations to even care for her financially after a divorce in a country with sharia law like this one - another thing which I was not aware of until AFTER I was married to him) When we married we were in a predominately Christian country where I would have more rights. I had no idea how few rights I would have under his religion if we moved to a muslim country. Would I qualify for an annulment if I did want to later remarry in the Catholic church?

Also,Can I bring my daughters to church and have them baptized without their father's consent or knowledge?

-- kelly amin (ninalia2004@yahoo.com), March 18, 2004

Answers

It i my understandign that Catholic annulment can only be optained in a case where the Marriage was Invalid. However, since you where not married in a Catholic Church, I do not beleive you had a sacramental marriage to begin with.So I think you are fine.

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), March 18, 2004.

first,

marraiges outside the catholic church can and still are very well binding in the eyes of God, provided that they are of proper form in the practiced faith of one member.

HOWEVER, failure to disclose information is SOMETIMES a reason for a marraige to be invalid. FIRST, however, i would recommend seeing a marraige counselor from the catholic church. TRY to work things out. Second, if that fails, you may leave him and live a chaste life, you would still be married, but you do not have to have contact with a spouse who is verbally abusive and unfaithful. you would not be able to remarry.

Finally, you could enter the annulment process for failure to disclose pertinant information prior to marraige which presented a significant bar against your ability to properly make a sacramental commitment to him. There are elements of your situation which could be available for that. HOWEVER, the annulment process is a long and vigorous one, and it may be found that your marraige WAS sacramentally valid, in which case you will have to refer to one of the two options above.

-- paul h (dontSendMeMail@notAnAddress.com), March 18, 2004.

Hello Kelly,

Your situation grieves me and I will pray for you. I am pretty sure that you will qualify for an annulment, because your marriage to him was contingent on the fact that he did not cheat on you. Since your marriage was under false pretenses (the fact that you thought he did not cheat), you should be able to get an annulment. However, you should talk with your priest about this if you can. Others in this forum who are more knowledgeable on this issue can also help you.

You chose the right church. The Catholic Church is the one true Church that Jesus established. Believe me, I have been all around in various types of Protestant churches. The Catholic Church is the only one that has maintained apostolic succession since Jesus established it when He declared Peter as "Rock", or head of the Christian Church. This apostolic succession preserves the truth of Christianity throughout all the ages. Jesus told the apostles that the Holy Spirit would guide them into all truth (John 16:13). Their successors (the popes) have been preserving God's truth for each generation.

May God bless you and I pray that He will give you wisdom for your situation.

-- Emily (jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), March 18, 2004.

In addition to the annulment possibility, the Petrine privilege would very likely apply to your marriage situation as well. You still need to go through the marriage tribunal, though.

Also,Can I bring my daughters to church and have them baptized without their father's consent or knowledge?

Yes, only one parent's consent is required.

-- Mark (aujus_1066@yahoo.com), March 18, 2004.

Kelly,

Based on the information you provided you may have grounds for an annullment. The grounds could be either Fraud or Simulation against Fidelity. I suggest you talk with your local parish priest and contact your local Diocesan Tribunal as well.

Do not wait until you are possibly interested in getting married. The process can be rather long and involved. Begin it now for your own piece of mind and soul and for the freedom to marry in the church.

-- Fr. Mike Skrocki, JCD (cand) (abounamike@aol.com), March 19, 2004.

Father Mike,

Congratulations on your JCD candidacy. Do you have a disseration topic selected?

-- Mark (aujus_1066@yahoo.com), March 19, 2004.

Kelly,

Your original civil marriage was not between two baptized Christians. There was no sacramental marriage to begin with.

This makes the annulment determination quite simple as a highly probable "yes, you most probably can" get an annulment to allow you to sacramentally marry in the Catholic Church.

It seems to me the real issue for you is finding peace of mind. If this man is abusing you, you should separate from him at the least. This is a very difficult situation for you. Find peace before thinking in any way about remarriage.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), March 19, 2004.

Mark,

The dissertation topic is not approved yet but it's wending its way through the process. The working title right now is "Historical Roots of the Extraordinary Form of Marriage in the CCEO in the Imperial Legislation of Byzantine Emperors Justinian, Constantine V and Leo VI."

Pat,

Actually, if two non-Catholics marry in a form that their own churches would recognize we presume the marriage is valid, perhaps not sacramental - but valid, until proved otherwise in an annullment process.

Hope that's helpful.

-- Fr. Mike Skrocki, JCD (cand) (abounamike@aol.com), March 19, 2004.

Fr. Mike,

Very neat! Good luck on getting your topic approved. Will your disseration come out as a CUA publication when it is completed?

-- Mark (aujus_1066@yahoo.com), March 19, 2004.

Father Mike,

Would a valid non-sacramental union or marriage present a bar to a truely sacramental marriage?

Pat

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), March 20, 2004.

Father Mike,

Still waiting on a response here, but want to clarify. In my understanding, the only true bar to a sacramental marriage is another sacramental marriage.

I am not saying non-sacramental unions not be investigated by marriage Catholic tribunals. But as you know, this investigation is only to form and is abbreviated. If the marriage being investigated is not between two baptized Christians, and one of which was not given leave by a Catholic bishop to follow that format, that union does not present an ultimate bar to a later Catholic marriage by either of those two parties.

The circumstance above appear to fall in this category. If your understanding is different, please explain. Thanks.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), March 22, 2004.

Father Mike,

Could you please get back to me here. I want to make sure my understanding is correct.

Thanks,

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), April 04, 2004.