I'm Back!

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Well, here I am right smack dab in the middle of a large metropolitan area! It's been a long journey, from our home in VT. to where it all started for me forty-seven years ago. Vince (my husband) never recovered from a massive anuerism in May of 2001. He still resides in a skilled nursing facility in Mass. As time went on he no longer recognized me or the children. His moments of consciousness became fewer and less frequent. Meanwhile, finances reached a crises point and we could not continue to live in our house in the country in Vt. We lost everyting we had materially but kept the most important, each other. I made the hardest decision Ive ever made in our lives; to leave the northeast and return to Texas, where I have Family. Everything we had fit into our 1988 chevy station wagon. It only took two and a half days to drive from Vermont to Texas. We have been here since August and I now realize it was the best thing I could have done. The children started to laugh, smile and hope again. We didn't have a penny, but we had a new beginning..... We live in a large apartment complex, my mother lives a few doors down and what a blessing she is. Her delight in Cade and Max makes my heart full. She is frail but alert and interested in the world around her. My oldest son checks on her often. He feels good that he can be a help to her, and she gives him plenty of TLC! We miss our goats, rabbits and other critters we had, but feel good that we found good homes for them before we left. No more star-filled nights or the profound peace country living gives you. We are where we need to be right now. The boys are thrilled to be here. All things Texas are of immense interest to them. My youngest has asked me to make a quilt of the Texas flag for him! The first week in Texas, my oldest son tripped over a water moccasin at my aunts. It didn't faze him. Finances are scary but we can do it! We have a roof over our heads, food and each other. I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you who held my hand thru the worst of this two years ago. After a tough day I knew I had friends reaching out across cyberspace to comfort me, Thank You! On a more mundane level I still do the things I use to do in the country. Make my own bread, live frugally, enjoy the kids and I'm beginning to quilt again...finally finishing up a quilt I began for my oldest son three years ago!

Goodnight All!

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2004


Well, here it is January and the air conditioner is on...definately a change from the colder climes of Vermont! Got some things done today. Mostly calls to one agency or another, I'm getting better at it. Since Vince's stroke, paperwork seems to figure prominently in our lives....Social Security, struggling to get health care for the children. I'm grateful we have the benefits, but I would rather be working....just being able to say I could support my children thru my own efforts would be nice. I try to remind myself that Vince worked hard all those years, that that is what Social Security is for. I'm blessed to have this time with my children and all too soon they will be grown. I'm growing too ( sometimes kicking and screaming)! I think we are feeling a little lost right now. Nothing that time and meeting people won't cure! Love going to the libray, seem to be reading a lot of murder mysteries as I get older. My two boys don't seem to enjoy reading as much as I did when I was their age...I can't imagine! Tomorrow is grocery day and the kids are champing at the bit. We go to Fiesta here in Austin. It caters to a largely hispanic clientel, boy oh boy if you like all the makings for mexican food, thats the place to shop! I've learned to make tortillas, chorizo and eggs and tamales. Thankfully, the boys love it. Janice, is there a new little one in your family since I was last here? Congratulations! There is a lot to catch up on....I'm thankful.


-- Anonymous, January 13, 2004

Just reading up on everyones journals and feeling conected to everyone of you. Hope anyone with pain, emotional or physical, will feel better soon. Prayers going up for each and everyone of you. Didn't make it to Fiesta today, but did go to Wal-mart. A good time was had by all, bought groceries plus a couple of treats for the boys......For Max a box of generic cherry pop-tarts and for Cade, a jar of green olives! Then drove by Jo-anns and the car of its own accord turned in and parked! Bought six dollars worth of fabric to finnish up Cade's quilt. Took some time to just "be" with the kids tonight. So often lately I've listened with just half an ear. I've let too many worries interfere withgiving them the attention they need and deserve. There's an old mexican saying, "If you can remedy a situation,don't worry. If you can't, don't worry!" I think I will take that to heart. Sometimes I think we believe that worrying is doing something. But worrying is not problem solving. I think I'll Trust in the Lord and stop thinking I need to "fix" everything myself. It's time to take that leap of faith! So different to be living in an apt. In the country there was always something that needed to be done. Animals to feed and care for, chores and upkeep, wood to chop and split.... Well, come to think of it, apt. living might be okay after all! Terran

-- Anonymous, January 15, 2004

I feel very blessed today. Was it just last week I was wondering (make that whining!) about feeling a little lost?

Well, last Friday the little boy my youngest son is friendly with asked Max for a sleepover. His mom came over and we visited a little bit, it was so nice to chat with someone! She lives a few doors down and off he went. He had a grand time, his face shining with excitement. Then Saturday night, my brother-in-law took my oldest son Cade to a college basketball game. The kids really enjoyed their outings and it makes my heart full.

Meanwhile, I've decide to make some positive changes in our lives. The children are being homeschooled this year. A decision based on alot of factors. Cade and Max started school here in August. After a traumatic first week, I pulled them out. My thinking at the time was that they had been thru enough with the move and everything else, perhaps some time to catch our breaths was in order. It has worked well academically, but socialization has been a challenge. Austin seems to have an active homeschoolers assc. We need to get involved!!! Next, I looked at volunteering opportunities here in the Austin Area. There's a course for teenagers(Cade) to train as guides for Wild Basin Preserve. There's a program at the Humane Society for young children to work four hours a month with the cat program. These are activities the kids would love to do! The Food Bank needs folks, I could do that!

I think it's a good place to start. In my heart, I know Vince would want us to start going forward with our lives. Thank You, Lord!

A cool front blew in today.....finally! It's nice and nippy outside. I went out this afternoon and just enjoyed the cold wind blowing on my face.

Goodnight all!

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2004

It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shining and it was nice and cool. It just felt glorious!

My sister invited us bowling and we had a ball(no pun intended)! This was a first for the kids and I. We definately wouldn't win any prizes, but we laughed so hard at ourselves! It felt so carefree and just plain fun. I think we all agreed that we really excelled in 'gutter balls.'

Back home, I baked bread and caught up with the housecleaning and laundry. Did some quilting and spent a pleasant evening with the kids. My oldest son and I watched a program about the Goths and Romans. I learned quite a few facts i hadn't known. Tomorrow Cade and I will go to the library and check out some books on the subject. It will be nice to do something together. He's thirteen years old and taking those first shakey steps towards manhood. I can't begin to tell you what courage and maturity he has shown. He needs time now to be just a regular kid.

My youngest son told me tonite, "Mom, your body isn't you, your brain isn't you, it's your heart that is you" Seven years old and he already knows the secret of the ages. My children teach me everyday. Thak You Lord!

Goodnight sisters!

-- Anonymous, January 20, 2004

It's been a good day. Sometimes I wonder if it's okay to feel safe again. That disaster isn't dogging our every step. Or is it I'm stronger now....when there are bumps, it's not the end of the world. That it's okay to not be perfect. I don't look back as often, or castigate myself as much. The same old recordings aren't replaying in my head. All of the energy Ive poured into these negative thought patterns are falling away. I'm not just 'getting thru' each day, I'm looking forward to each day. Thank You Lord!


-- Anonymous, January 23, 2004

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