Have you ever!

Have you ever felt bad during the holidays? While most people feel the need to share their good fortune ONLY during this time of the year, this and previous holiday seasons has always being a fight to be left alone.

Maybe it’s just me, or the fact that I seem to remember all the rotten things people do to me throughout the year, but what bothers me is that most people (family included) seem to disregard or purposely cause my feelings to be hurt all year long and change their attitude towards me during the holiday season.

I can go on and on with what’s been done to me throughout the year, but that would be pointless (I can assume you get it by now), but doing favors has always been a double edge sword for me. There’s no reward for doing favors, except the result of making someone else happy, but why is it that when I ask for favors people tend to disappear or avoid helping me out, are they that clueless! It seems I am only to be found when something or someone is needed for their benefit. This situation has reached a point where feeling are being hurt all around and there’s no end in sight. Everyone knows they can come to me for favors and advice, but when I seek the same from them, everyone scatters (especially when they know the answers or have the time).

People say to count your blessings and use this time of year to reflect on the good things in life, but when I think of the good things I have done, I am constantly reminded of all the bad things done to me all year long. Right now, I have mixed feelings about spending time and hosting family gatherings with these people and I feel if I request a favor from any of them, that I shouldn’t be a bother or an inconvenience, considering how I am with them. This courtesy should be offered or at the very least be expressed sincerely. Should I feel bad if I don’t want anything to do with them during the holidays? On the other hand, should I sulk yet another year, being their favor fool while I go through their thoughtlessness?

Please reply, your thoughts are needed.

-- JohnQ_Public (john@aol.com), November 21, 2003

Answers

Should I feel bad if I don’t want anything to do with them during the holidays? Any of the holidays?

On the other hand, should I sulk yet another year, being their FAVOR FOOL while I go through their thoughtlessness year after year?

Note: Bare in mind that I host all the family gatherings (Their thoughtfullness to offer their homes for family gatherings is beyond my comprehension) holiday after holiday, year after year.

-- JohnQ_Public (John@aol.com), November 21, 2003.

John,

Christ's sufferings started immediately after His birth. He was wrapped in rags and His bed was of straw, in a stinky stable which must have been freezing at the end of December in Bethlehem. It is devoutly believed that He even denied Himself food, i.e., fasted as an infant. His perfect God-man body was infinately more sensitive to everything, including pain, than our bodies are.

Christ began His suffering, His Sacrifice of Himself, at the first Christmas. I suggest you revamp your way of thinking about the holidays and see them more as a chance to suffer greatly for the Christ Child, Who suffered so greatly for you.

Do not sulk, and do not go to the other extreme of intense joviality either. Practice patience and meekness when you are aggravated and annoyed by your family. (I have a similar situation with my family, John, and you have my sympathy and prayers.) You may shed many tears over the pain this humiliation will bring, but in the end, isn't that what we are here for? To suffer, if it is the will of God, until we die, all for Him?

What better way of showing your love for the Infant Jesus during the Christmas season than by suffering because of the season, for Him?

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam -- All for the greater glory of God!!

-- Psyche +AMDG+ (psychicquill@yahoo.com), November 21, 2003.

Nevertheless, I am not that strong…

It is disappointing when people tend to disappear or avoid helping me out, but it is even worst when people enthusiastically offer and help others within our circle of friends and family for either social or political advantage, but avoid me for some odd reason.

We as people tend to depend and expect certain things to come naturally from friends and family, like sponsoring a Wedding Shower, Baby Shower, surprise birthday party, and Anniversary party (as an example). Others within the group have sponsored these kinds of events and asked others to provide money/assistance in their preparation.

While I can’t count how many times the collection plate (so to speak) has been passed around the family to provide for these events… the collection plate (with all it’s enthusiasm) is absent or the thought behind sponsoring an event is foreign to them (sure they will have presents on hand, but who throws it) when it come to me.

So you see, it is a never-ending cycle of internal suffering I have… With my giving nature and hidden feelings, what can I do to make them see me in a different light? Cancel Thanksgiving? Even Christmas?

Surround myself with a new circle of friends who can make me happy again? I don’t know?

God forgive me.

-- JohnQ_Public (John@aol.com), November 21, 2003.

Don’t get me wrong,

Let me explain it this way: Say, your doing a family gathering (any occasion or holiday), you make up a list of people you would like to invite.

1) Immediately, you have your “Must Come” people (three or four people that pop into your head). 2) Then your family (your invited group). 3) Then your extras (friends of family/out of town relatives).

Now assuming everybody’s family is like my own, you can expect a few things. 1) If your “Must Come” people are unavailable, you reschedule the date or cancel the gathering all together. 2) If it is a GO, then inform your family the date and time of the event. 3) Then inform your extras about the pending family gathering.

Now things get interesting… You ask your FAVOR FOOL to assist you in preparing for this party (the closest/helpful relative/friend (FAVOR FOOL)). 1) Enthusiastically, you expect the FAVOR FOOL to go around shopping/gathering and preparing everything for the visiting guests and they do. 2) When the unsuspecting FAVOR FOOL assists you, you assign them duties to be accomplished before the party is in full swing. 3) When the party is in full swing, you greet your “Must Come” people and Extras. Leaving your family to entertain all the guests. 4) Leaving the FAVOR FOOL with hosting duties, because they were so helpful.

Now back up a second, what happens when the FAVOR FOOL doesn’t help? 1) Assuming the gathering is to take place a week or two in advance the FAVOR FOOL must assist sometime before the party begins or you will shun them for not helping you (be honest, it does happen). 2) With no help from the FAVOR FOOL, you use guilt to get them to help you at least for the hosting duties or shun them during the party. 3) In addition, if all else fails, un-invite them from other parties. Because FAVOR FOOLS, serve only one purpose. To Perform FAVORS.

Am I a FAVOR FOOL? It took 14 years of (marriage) family gathering to come to that conclusion and have been fighting ever since.

As you can see, the enthusiasm to be helpful has always been there, but in return where is the enthusiasm for me when I want to do my own family gathering? On the other hand, when I want to do an event of important to me, the FAVOR FOOL can’t find a FOOL of his own, No one is helpful to the FAVOR FOOL, and because he doesn’t matter, all you care about is a successful gathering and happy people.

So, during your holidays consider the FAVOR FOOL for what he is, as your very best friend/relative and share your holiday more with them than with the unsuspecting guests.

Thank you.

Note: he/she is the Video/Camera/music/cook/decorator/driver person in your family.

-- JohnQ_Public (John@aol.com), November 21, 2003.

Well, spoken…

However, you assume too much. What you read now is the result of 14 years of this treatment, and because of recent events and a lot of thinking… I now feel this way.

My only choices for this years holiday are: 1) be humble and continue being the FOOL or 2) SAY SOMETHING!

It is amazing when you look at it… It didn’t start out this way, doing favors and all. Everybody is your friend when you do them favors, but ask them to do you a favor and watchout.

People do rotten, terrible things and I am not going to take it anymore. Why bother? If putting your hand on fire burns you, why bother putting your hand in the fire in the first place; I guess my patience got the better of me. With that, I am not (refuse to) continuing with the status que for their benefit.

My winning personality and attitude is the reason why I have this problem. Years ago, people seek and use me because I am kind hearted and helpful. Only now that I am more aware of the consequences of being either just as too busy or just as too absent minded as they are is when I see their true colors.

Faith; I assume you have a FAVOR FOOL of your own. Why would you assume the problem is with me and not the lazy bums who only think of themselves.

Go Figure

-- JohnQ_Public (john@aol.com), November 21, 2003.

My original intension was to share in my good blessings for no reasons at all, but through the years and through some hardships I noticed something very strange with people. Have you ever heard of the term Fair Weather Friends? Well, I have and it’s not something I would wish on anybody, but they are there.

If I could and have helped people who are both stranger and friends alike… Why can’t people do the same for me?

I’m tired and weak from all the B*llsh*t. I need a new circle of friends to replace the onces who take me for granted… Sorry, but I just feel that way. Maybe in a few years when I am not around those same people will see me in a different light and change their ways.

I sure changed, from asking to begging to hating.

peace

-- JohnQ_Public (John@aol.com), November 21, 2003.

John, I disagree with Faith. I know exactly what you're talking about and I would like you to email me, if you wish, so as to continue this conversation in private where no one can object to your complaints and my replies. I've had some experiences very, very similar to yours, and I took action, and I'd like to let you know the results.

Please email me -- maybe make the subject line "FAVOR FOOL".

-- Psyche +AMDG+ (psychicquill@yahoo.com), November 21, 2003.

Faith: Yes, I am a FAVOR FOOL and NO, I don’t use favors to get what I want or as leverage for future favors. I just want people to treat me as I do them, why is it so hard for you to understand? Maybe, because in your family/friends surroundings (as in my example) you’re a “Must Have” person? In addition, just as clueless to other peoples feelings as members from my circle of friends are to me. Reply requested

Psyche;

Thank you for your comforting responses and your good nature. It is actually therapeutic to discuss/vent these things in an open forum such as this one, for my own sanity. In the past, I have at times written my feelings on paper and documented things I would like to say to my so-called circle or friends as a way of releasing this anger within me. However, after reading it and seeing how badly I have written about them, in the end I end up throwing the paper away, seeing things from their point of view, (which is their avoidance to deal with anybody else’s problems, but their own) even if they do act clueless about my feelings and their inconsiderate ways.

I just know in my heart, when I help someone achieve one of their goals and see them prosper. I am both helping my fellow man and saving my soul by doing good and keeping the peace, etc (Even thou I know what they will or wont do after they have used me hurts me so much). However, by me discussing/venting in this board and receiving responses from nice people such as yours and Faith I find a way of releasing this feeling and returning to my former self.

I want everybody on this board to participate in this discussion (pros vs. cons) when it comes to this subject. All types of responses welcomed.

-- JohnQ_Public (John@aol.com), November 24, 2003.

I am a doer who expects nothing "in return", but who does expect to receive a tremendous gift, free, unearned, and unmerited, because in doing what God has commanded me to do, I have not rejected that gift; whereas in failing to do what God has commanded, I would be rejecting that free gift. Therefore, I am at peace.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), November 25, 2003.

Greetings John: I read your post earlier and it reminded me of the many hurts and deciet Ive endured in this life. I didnt immediately respond back as I didnt feel to in my heart, but to offer to God a prayer for you in Jesus name. As I was laying my bed you came to mind, your dark hour and reoccuring storm during this time of year. You know when I was younger I would have presants stacked so high, as each year passed the stack became smaller. At first I was dissappointed and discouraged that my parents couldnt buy me much. Each year my friends would one bye one be gone. Im 32 now and Jesus touched my heart 5 years ago. Personally I see Christmas much different now that God opened my eyes and my heart has been filled with hope. I have the GREATIST GIFT, the love of God, Jesus my friend, my personal gift. I see people scurrying around, putting there smile face on, desperatelt seeking gifts for others, and all they dont truly love and care for. The real meaning of Christmas "joy to the world a child is born" is lost in a shallow commercial of santa, rain deer and egg nog. Smile now cry later when there credit card statements arive, over time the temporary shall be no more. I can smile knowing what God brought me through yesterday, that Im breathing today and knowing the world didnt give me this joy and the world cant take it away. For this I have peace, I dont anticipate a tree with gifts under it, I rejoice to tell others about Gods gift. On that note the Lord layed this on my heart for you, may it in Jesus name lift you up and light your path. Your cry is not unheard, for God is on the throne with an open ear. wounded and tatterd is how you feel, desiring something somone real. Every year the sting burns, as people all around have been so fake. Covered in a dark cloud, your reaching your hand out. The Lords arm is not to short that He cannot save, it's your sins, your own understanding, that seperates you from your God. Lean not on your own understanding but acknowledge the Lord and He shall direct your steps, into peace, hope, unfailing love. Open your heart and allow what Jesus said to sink in. in this world you shall have troubles, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. For God who we cannot see, smiles as you give, though it seems unappreciated. If Jesus who loved hsi enimies, healed the sick, became bitter at all the unbelief and betrayel all around. Do you think he could have said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do"? Jesus Christ forver in Gods presance forsaken on that day Read Pslams 22, literally seperated from Gods presance for a time, said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" Jesus could have spoke harsh words, called fire from heaven, did he, should we? This is what God gave to me to give you, let your Christmas be be more Christ and then you shall be as a lit street, glittering for God. Yes we are hear to encourage one and other in this race, many obstacles shall abound.Who my friend, who can give you rest, and constant, unblemshed love, comfourting your weary soul? I believe this link http://www.interviewwithgod.com/newmovie.htm shall bless you, and pray above all know that the joy of the Lord is our strength.

a final though for all>That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.”

-- Jesus is the gift granted to the downcast (truthisfreedom316@hotmail.com), November 25, 2003.

Dear Moderator:
Here is a good thread to delete. Do it now before any serious catholic contributes. PLEASE.

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), November 25, 2003.

>> Dear Moderator: >> Here is a good thread to delete. Do it now before any serious catholic contributes. PLEASE.

Why censor this thread? If people want to discuss/vent their feelings about a particular subject, why can’t they contribute and participate in it? Since I started this thread over a week ago, my feelings have changed for the better and I now look forward to at least being civil with the people in my inner circle. I have received both encouraging words from Psyche and criticism from Faith, but Both responses from different points of view is what makes this message board so great, people can speak their minds without been censored or having their messages erased for going against the grain.

Just remember, during this time of the year plenty of people commit suicide, because they feel alone and unloved. Do you want to shut out a person in need of Spiritual guidance?

On the other hand, do you want to stay clueless to other people’s feelings, even when their words contradict your own? One of the things I hate seeing in the news during this season is hearing stories of attempted/committed suicide, and seeing the family members faces on camera wondering why.

Well, I opened up to all of you!!! And if you censor this message and any others in the future, then I wont submit any more messages to this board for fear of being censored or deleted, so if can thank yourselves for the next suicide story if this sort of censorship continues.

Just think, before you submit the next message...

God Bless

-- JohnQ_Public (john@aol.com), November 26, 2003.