Dear Ed,

I am 39 years old. I fell into the habit of masturbation from childhood, and until today I am struggling. I got married on Feb 8, 2003, and it was a quick marriage. Everything took place within two weeks. I had to take leave of her in one week because of the two different and far off work locations. Because of her menstrual periods, I could only engage in sexual intimacy for just three days. After two months, we met together again with just partial privacies between for ourselves, because we were staying in my parent's house, and also because of her irregular periods (we had agreed to have NLP for at least sometime after marriage). There were around just 10 interspersed days in a span of one and a half months that we could with come together in sexual intimacy that too with tension and fear for lack of privacy. She become pregnant within this period and all sexual activity had to cease. It was easy for her, but not for me. Affection and love seemed to culminate into a sex expression for me. She does not want me to have sexual intercourse until the child is born (she is believes abstaining will give rise to mental and morally sound child). I also agree with her. But, I am in great agony. The only way she has decided to relieve my agony, whenever we meet is to masturbate for me. Now, once again I am far away from her, nearly four months. I will be meeting her only next month. When I think of the time I have to wait(nearly six plus months more), I feel quite helpless and almost depairing. I once again started to fall back into my old sins of masturabation and even slipping into pornography. I have been fairly quickly falling again and again, even though I feel guilty of every small thing. If at least, the mutual masturbation may not be an act of sin before God, I would go a long way to relieve all my other agonies. Please answer me.

Regards

Philip

-- PHILIP JOHN (leslie_jn@yahoo.com), October 12, 2003

Answers

(Touchy subject.) The quest for chastity is indeed a battle. Mother Church tells us in the Catechism of the Catholic Church that masturbation is disordered and is a mortal sin. However, there is a clause in the Catechism regarding masturbation that states, "To form an equitable judgment about the subject's moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability." So, speak with a priest regarding the extent of your moral culpability. Our Blessed Virgin Mary is also a great source of help for purity.

-- james (elgreco1541@hotmail.com), October 13, 2003.

This is bad habit is very tough to root out for many reasons: it involves instant gratification, a type of psychological and physilogical "hunger", and the accompanying imaginative fantasy worlds which are so easy to conjure up and add to the force of the habit.

But as the literature of those who have won back a chaste lifestyle attest to, it is a monster that can be defeated...but it takes a long time.

First of all, it's not enough to know intellectually that this is sinnful and harmful. That's key, but only the first step. The second step is all the direct and indirect work on the level of the imagination and heart (your willpower).

For this the man has to daily try to deny himself in some analogous way, like fasting - giving up dessert or lunch for example, or exercising more especially when physically tired. Do this with the intention of offering up the pangs of hunger for your wife and child.

This is very vital: your will is weak - and thus it will quickly collapse under the lightest temptation and opportunity. You need therefore to increase your will to resist bodily hungers, and you need to work on resisting and REDIRECTING your imagination towards more loving and other-oriented dreams.

Finally, there is the spiritual dimension. Grace builds on nature. If your nature is weak (weak will, weak mind) you will repeatedly fall to this temptation and sin.

The grace side of things therefore requires hard work: fasting and prayer, humility and self-knowledge. But it provides real power in the form of friendship with Jesus Christ, and honesty before the "cloud of witnesses" to our every act : the communion of saints and mary.

When the dreams and images arouse you, you must be ready to instantly call on Jesus and the saints for help. Try to think about those fellow Catholics who died for their faith in China or Korea, or faced the bloody Aztecs or Romans. Think about the scene of the crowd, the faces of the Pharisees who cried for Christ's crucifiction...

When the hunger seizes you, look at a cross or crucifix. Ask Mary to help you resist this hunger for the good of your child, for your wife, for the salvation of souls.

It's a worthy sacrifice. Resistance is making you a man, a better husband, a worthy daddy... It is building your will and mind and heart into a real saint.

You might also begin to write down the situation when such temptations hit you...you might be surprised to see that they come when you're physically tired, or emotionally drained. You may begin to make a connection between food and fatigue and the temptation.

As for Porn... it is complete fantasy. It has nothing to do with love, nothing to do with kindness and gentleness and compassion - it's selfishness par excellance: everyone using the other person as a thing, regardless of what's good or will make them truly happy.

Finally, realize that there is a world of difference between love and sex. "making love" doesn't have to mean "having sex". You can truly love your wife (and child) without any sexual gratification at all.

Catholic Christianity is about being humanly and spiritually mature: becoming all grown up. Capable of true freedom and love of others without needing instant payback in the form of feelings or gratification...capable of truly "carrying the cross with Christ" for the good of souls.

God bless you.

-- Joe (joestong@yahoo.com), October 13, 2003.

"She does not want me to have sexual intercourse until the child is born (she is believes abstaining will give rise to mental and morally sound child). I also agree with her.

I've never heard of this. Why do you believe that abstaining from sex during pregnancy will improve your child's moral and mental soundness? Sex within marriage is not only NOT a sin, it is a wonderful gift from God. Perhaps you're wrestling with an issue unnecessarily. Granted, there is a period of a few weeks after delivery of the baby that sex is stopped while the wife heals, but there's physical or moral reason to stop prior to delivery.

Dave

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), October 13, 2003.

correction to previous post . . . that last line should read "but there's no physical or moral reason to stop prior to delivery".

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), October 13, 2003.

Actually, there ARE some sound medical reasons to abstain from sexual intercourse (and especially orgasm) during pregnancy, especially in the 2nd and 3rd trimester when you want to avoid causing contractions and muscle spasms.

Most on-line "experts" focus on the infertility and impossibility of sperm hurting the unborn child. But that's besides the point. There are considerations to face concerning the pregnant woman herself (often strained by the weight gain, etc) as well as health considerations with respect to any pelvic muscle contractions.

Finally, some abstinence is always necessary - "it makes the heart grow fonder" if you focus on the good of the other rather than on one's own "needs". Parenthood will require much self-sacrifice and abnegation - waking at 12am, 1:30am, 3:34am, and 5:30am to soothe a crying baby, night after night.... if you aren't the type of man who is habitually capable of thinking about other people's needs, the strain of self-lessness involved in being a father will crush you.

So start working out on your "heart" muscles now by controlling your urges for the good of others.

-- Joe (joestong@yahoo.com), October 13, 2003.

Joe,

While I agree with your advice regarding the need to overcome masturbation and the inherent desires involved, I disagree with the general claim you've made regarding medical reasons for not having sex during pregnancy.

I work in a clinical environment with world-class physicians every day (I literally have 4 physicians sitting next to me as I write this), whom I asked to verify what I said previously.

While there are certain medical conditions that can arise during a pregnancy that could be exasperated by sex, the majority of women can safely have sex with NO medical/physical problems during pregnancy. And a woman who had such a condition, would be notified by her OB and specifically told to abstain.

Here is a good Q&A exchange on the subject from CNN's website (I'm posting so that Philip has good medical info - not just the usual internet rumor mill. ****************************************8 Should you be concerned about having sex while you're pregnant? Diana Danilenko, M.D., a specialist in maternal-fetal medicine at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., answers some of your most frequently pondered — but rarely asked — questions on this topic.

Is it OK to have sex while you're pregnant?

Yes, in most cases. If your pregnancy is proceeding normally and your doctor hasn't told you that you're at risk of premature labor, a weakened cervix that dilates prematurely (incompetent cervix) or placental problems, your lovemaking can proceed well into the third trimester. If you're at all uncertain whether you're at risk, ask your doctor.

Can intercourse result in a miscarriage?

Many expectant parents are primarily concerned that intercourse will cause a miscarriage, particularly in the first trimester. Miscarriages are unrelated to sexual activity. The most common cause is a genetic defect in the developing fetus. Some infections may be a factor, but they're usually not the result of sexual activity.

Can having intercourse harm the baby?

No. The penis doesn't physically contact the fetus, which is well protected by uterine muscle and amniotic fluid. The cervical mucus plug prevents bacteria and semen from entering the womb. However, avoid deep penetration if it causes pain.

Can orgasms result in premature labor?

Orgasms may cause uterine contractions. However, the vast majority of studies indicate that in a normal pregnancy, orgasms — with or without intercourse — don't lead to premature labor or premature birth.

Is there any time doctors advise against intercourse during pregnancy?

If vaginal bleeding, an incompetent cervix, preterm labor or placenta previa — a placenta that covers the cervical opening — develops at any point in your pregnancy, your doctor will most likely advise against intercourse. Also, if you're expecting twins, your doctor may advise you to abstain from intercourse during the late second and early third trimesters, when the consequences of preterm birth are greatest. Your doctor may also recommend abstinence during the last weeks of pregnancy as a precaution.

Should you use a condom?

All women, including those who are pregnant, who have new or multiple sexual partners should use condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Pregnant women exposed to STDs are at increased risk of infections that can be harmful to their baby and can lead to premature labor.

How may a woman's sexual desire be affected by her pregnancy?

Decreased interest in sex early in your pregnancy may play a significant role in your sexual activity. Changing hormones, added weight and a decrease in your energy level may take their toll on your desire.

This lackluster interest may continue through the first trimester, when exhaustion and nausea are most likely to occur. During the second 3 months, however, you may find your interest changing. Increased blood flow to your sexual organs and breasts may rekindle your desire or even increase your normal interest in intercourse. You may even experience a moderate feeling of sustained readiness due to the effects of increased blood flow to these areas.

As you enter the final trimester, you may find your desire waning again. Besides a large abdomen that makes intercourse physically challenging, increased fatigue or back pain can dampen your enthusiasm for lovemaking. You may need to experiment with positions that make intercourse comfortable for both you and your partner.

How can couples deal with these changes in sexual desire?

Communicate. Pregnant women may want affection from their partners without wanting intercourse. Partners, however, may sense that lack of interest as a sign of rejection. It's important to communicate your needs and to discuss other forms of lovemaking, such as oral sex, massage or masturbation.

Why is sex during pregnancy so rarely discussed?

The literature on the subject is often confusing, and some doctors are uncomfortable discussing matters of sexuality with their patients. For these reasons, couples often get the message that they should refrain from sex during pregnancy. It's still a taboo subject — but it shouldn't be.

How soon after the baby's birth may couples resume intercourse?

The answer varies according to the circumstances of delivery. In general, sexual intercourse can be resumed by the third postpartum week — if you're comfortable and there are no complicating factors. If you have questions regarding resuming sexual activity after pregnancy, ask your doctor.

Dave

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), October 13, 2003.

Phillip,

I think part of the problem is that you are not looking at your wife as "fully human" and more like a means to an end. You see her as an object to fulfill your desire, to give you an orgasm. Sex in the Catholic context is not supposed to be about what your wife can do for or to you, rather it is about expressing your eternal love for your wife. Sex is one of the most profound and sacred statements you can make. The act of sex tells her you will love her forever, that you accept her unconditionally and that you give yourself completely to her. Exactly how is masturbating showing your wife how much you love her and honor her? How is looking at pornography showing your wife unconditional acceptance or that you're giving yourself completely to her? Involvement in pornography tells her that the women who arouse you in the pictures/films/whatever are what you consider the ideal woman. Exactly how is she supposed to deal with that?

I also wonder how ready you really were to get married. You seem to spend an enormous amount of time apart. When you marry, you're to "cleave" to your spouse, leaving the house of your parents. You're to make your home with her, not apart from her. Perhaps many of your problems would be solved by living in the same house?

I understand that some cultures believe that having sex during pregnancy is detrimental to the mental health of the baby, but this has never been shown scientifically. Actually, the opposite is true. When the mother has an orgasm, chemicals from her brain are released into her body which make give her an intense feeling of well- being. These chemicals cross the placenta and also give the baby an intense feeling of well-being. The baby relaxes and sleeps easier and grows more rapidly.

If you still choose not to have sex during the pregnancy, that's fine too. But you're putting an awful lot of stress on yourself and on your marriage by withholding the one act which shows your wife how much you truly do cherish her.

I would also advise that, if you really are concerned with the mental and moral health of your child, that you stick around once the baby is born and give babe a strong male role model and a consistent father figure. You can't teach a child how to be a responsible, moral adult if you are not there to show him how it's done.

I think that if your priorities are straightened out, you will be blessed with a long and happy marriage. For 39 years, your focus has been on what makes YOU happy. Now you have two other people to think about. When you married, you promised that her needs would be put above your own. Now is the time for you to honor that promise.

Best of luck,

Ann

-- Ann (arobbins@catholic.org), October 14, 2003.

Thanks Dave for your post. I hate to be a nit-picker, what with your 4 physician friends nearby but....

I said "there ARE some sound medical reasons to abstain from sexual intercourse (and especially orgasm) during pregnancy, especially in the 2nd and 3rd trimester...", which your long article basically supports!

In otherwords, there are SOME reasons to abstain - which your quotes delineate and specify with references to first asking your OB for guidance...

Otherwise the "word on the street" could easily be that sex is harmless up to the birth of a child and that only prudes say no to sex during every stage and state of life.

In the best of situations a healthy woman could easily sustain relations well into her 2nd trimester...but again, first we have to make sure she's healthy - that's the big IF - and then our focus has to be on loving her and her child, not just trying to satisfy our urges.

-- Joe (joestong@yahoo.com), October 14, 2003.

Greenspun & Spam

Kate:
I am Kate.
I’m Catholic Kate.

Greenspun forumite, (grumbling)
(That Catholic Kate, that Catholic Kate. I do not like that Catholic Kate!)

Greenspun forumite, audibly this time:
Is it OK to masturbate?

It’s not OK to masturbate.
“It’s mortal sin” says Catholic Kate.

Can I do it with my wife?
or if I’ve done it my whole life?

You cannot do it with your wife
Or if you’ve done it your whole life.
It’s not OK to masturbate.
“It’s mortal sin” says Catholic Kate.

For years I’ve felt it’s been a must
How about if there’s no lust?

It’s never, ever been a “must.”
Don’t tell ME that there is no lust!
You cannot do it with your wife
Or if you’ve done it your whole life.
It’s not OK to masturbate.
“It’s mortal sin” says Catholic Kate.

Can I do it in my room
Where blinds protect my soul from doom?

You may not do it in your room
No blinds will help avert your doom!
It’s never, EVER been a “must.”
Don’t tell ME that there is no lust!
You cannot do it with your wife
Or if you’ve done it your whole life.
It’s not OK to masturbate.
“It’s mortal sin” says Catholic Kate.

Oh, Catholic Kate, why can’t you see?
Give us the green light & we’ll let you be.

Call me callous, call me cold
I’ll not imperil your immortal souls.
‘Cause sin is sin, and that is how
If ‘twas wrong then, then ‘tis wrong now.
“An apple a day” is not the way
(Despite whatever Paul may say.)
Don’t look for loopholes, stop second guessin’.
Go and make a good confession!
Or failing access to that power
May I suggest a long, COLD shower?




-- jake (jake1REMOVE@pngusa.net), October 14, 2003.

^^^

-- up (up@up.up), October 14, 2003.

Hi Joe,

We're saying similar things, but not exactly and with slightly different emphasis. Some of that may just be symantics.

I would simply modify your statement for clarity purposes to "for some women, there ARE some sound medical conditions that can develop causing one that reasons,to abstain from sexual intercourse (and especially orgasm) during pregnancy, especially in the 2nd and 3rd trimester...". And I add that any such restrictions would be medically determined by the OB.

So my changes are just a matter of emphasizing the conditional and unusual nature of those kinds of medical restrictions. Most women can normally expect to enjoy sex until their personal comfort or discomfort limits them (that may be the more common driver for restrictions). But there's no reason to arbitrarily limit sex to the 2nd trimester. Let each couple figure that out together.

Sex during pregnancy is also an important way of maintaining intimacy between the couple and is often more beneficial for the woman who desires the intimacy with her husband even though she may be feeling "fat and ugly" by the 3rd trimester. The husband should always respect and be sensitive to the wife's desires and feelings and when it's time to stop, then to do so willingly and without grumbling. And then the husband needs to find ways to maintain intimacy without sex, providing his wife with lots of snuggling, back/foot massages, etc.

Dvae

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), October 16, 2003.

"I can't help but wonder who told you that mastubation is a sin?"

A: The Pillar and Foundation of Truth! What more is needed? Do you or do you not believe the Biblical revelation that whatsoever the Church binds on earth is bound in heaven? Do you or do you not believe the Bible when it states that he who listens to the leaders of the Church listen to Christ Himself??

Does God reveal that in the Scriptures?

A: Yes. But even if He didn't, the Scriptures verify EVERY teaching which the Church makes binding on earth.

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he SLEW HIM also. (Genesis 38:9-10) This passage is the source of the word "onanism", which is a synonym for masturbation. God considered it serious enough to punish the offender by death.

"The pornography is another thing and God does reveal that lusting is a sin"

A: No, it not really "another thing". Rather, it is another manifestation of the same thing - namely the vice of lust. One doesn't use pornography without lust, and one doesn't masturbate without lust.

"But what you discribe sounds like something God has not mentioned in the Bible--therefore it is probably just a personal matter between you and your wife"

A: Could you tell me where in the Bible it says that we don't have to do or believe anything that is not spelled out in the Bible? Or is this idea just an unbiblical tradition of men?

"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the traditions of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ" (Colossians 2:8)

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), October 23, 2003.

The Magisterium of the Holy Catholic Church says:

By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action." "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that can lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

-- james (elgreco1541@hotmail.com), October 23, 2003.

Again, here, we disagree as to just *who* is the pillar and foundation of truth. You say it is your religion, I say it is God Himself.

You couldn't be more wrong, Miss. We don't say that "the pillar and foundation of truth" is our "religion." We say that that "the pillar and foundation of truth" is the Catholic Church. You say "it is God Himself"? No, for "God Himself" said that "the pillar and foundation of truth" is the Catholic Church. Lest you doubt me for even one second longer, read it and learn -----

"... if I am delayed, you may know how a person ought to behave in the God's household, which is the living God's church, the pillar and foundation of the truth." (1 Tim 3:15 -- and check the Greek if you doubt the translation)

There is no mention of masturbation, and we can easily assume he just pulled out in the nick of time, for all I know.

It's the same principle. He used the woman for his pleasure. He made her body do the job of his hand.

But it doesn't matter. It isn't the point of the passage anyway. ... I don't think God was condemning the act of spilling semen on the floor by the process of masturbation or any other way. God put Onan to death because he did not fulfill his obligation to his brother and to Tamar. You can find the law about marrying a childless widow in the family and creating an heir to the family name in Deuteronomy 25:5-10.

Lady, you talk as though we need instruction from you. Well, guess what? We know all about the situation with the brother, Onan's responsibility under the levirate law, etc.. We know it -- but you DON'T. Your understanding, based on fouled-up private interpretation, leaves you trying to teach us errors. Even people like you (who reject the infallible Catholic interpretation of this passage -- condemning masturbation, coitus interruptus, and all other contraception) are capable of knowing that God killed Onan for something OTHER THAN a violation of his "duty" to his brother. The very passage you tried to use against us refutes your own position. Read, here, from Deuteronomy 25, and see how the unwillingness of a brother to produce offspring is NOT penalized by execution, but by something almost infinitely milder:

"And the first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his brother who is dead, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel. And if the man does not wish to take his brother's wife, then his brother's wife shall go up to the gate to the elders, and say, `My husband's brother refuses to perpetuate his brother's name in Israel; he will not perform the duty of a husband's brother to me.' Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak to him: and if he persists, saying, `I do not wish to take her,' then his brother's wife shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, and pull his sandal off his foot, and spit in his face; and she shall answer and say, `So shall it be done to the man who does not build up his brother's house.' And the name of his house shall be called in Israel, The house of him that had his sandal pulled off."

I think, fellow Catholics, that Faith has now "spilled the beans" as to why she left the Church and now finds her soul in danger of damnation. The fact is that she decided to reject some of the Church's infallible teachings on morality -- specifically here, the teaching against the use of contraception and masturbation. I believe that these are among the MOST COMMON reasons for people to leave the Catholic Church. They want to sin without feeling guilty about it. All the rest (the "invisible church" stuff, the Bible proof-texts, etc.) is merely baggage that gets added later, to try to justify to others their choice to become heretics.

-- Faith + Works (Pillar@and.Foundation), October 24, 2003.

Amen.

-- Grace + Faith + Works (do@NOT.masturbate), October 24, 2003.

not to Sola "Faith"

-- Grace + Faith + Works (do@NOT.masturbate), October 24, 2003.

"Again, here, we disagree as to just *who* is the pillar and foundation of truth. You say it is your religion, I say it is God Himself"

No, I do not say it is "my religion". I say it is the CHURCH Jesus Christ founded for all men. And the reason I say that is that the WORD OF GOD says that. Once again, you simply ignore those parts of Sacred Scripture that do not fit into your personal opinions! 1 Tim 3:15 could not make it much clearer!

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), October 24, 2003.

O Sola "Faith," please don't go. I was only joking.

-- Grace + Faith + Works (do@NOT.masturbate), October 24, 2003.

Thank you, "Grace + Faith + Works", for your support.

But notice that all this verse talks about is someone who refuses from the begining. Onan went further, by pretending to be fulfilling his duty, and actually sleeping with his brother's widow, though he wasted perfectly good semen onto the floor. He was deceitful. That would be more likely why God--in this instant, punished more harshly. His behavior was wicked in the Lord's sight--so a stronger punishment was given than what was revealed in Deuteronomy.

Wrong again, Sweetie. Onan was not struck dead merely for breaking the levirate law, and he was not struck dead merely for being "deceitful." Many people in the Bible were "deceitful" without being struck dead, and there was no law saying that deceit deserved a death penalty.

Yes, Onan's "behavior was wicked in the Lord's sight." But, which behavior? His improper use of the sexual faculty for his own pleasure -- contraception via coitus interruptus, very similar to masturbation.

And look at how you word this: "That would be more likely why God--in this instant, punished more harshly." That's the best you can do -- figuring out what seems "more likely"? We Catholics don't have the uncertainty that you have. Our Church has taught, from the time she heard it from Jesus himself, that Onan was killed for contraception (in the form similar to masturbation).

I notice that you had nothing to say about your error concerning the "pillar and foundation," which I explained to you. Well, just as you erred on that one, so you erred on the case of Onan and the total banning of masturbation and contraception by God. Now you owe two apologies for trying to teach us errors. And you owe God repentance for your sins and a return to the Catholic Church. Stop trying to sin without feeling guilty. You can't fool God.

-- Faith + Works (Pillar@and.Foundation), October 25, 2003.

"I feel very sorry for your faithful followers of such gobledygook."

A: Well then I guess you're lucky to have been born after the Protestant Revolution. Until a few hundred years ago, you would have had to believe in all this gobbledygook to call yourself a Christian, for there were no Christians except the Church Christ founded, the Catholic Church. Lucky you - there are now thousands of conflicting unauthorized manmade churches calling themselves Christian, each one rejecting different portions of the gobbledygook of the Apostles, so you can search until you find one that teaches exactly those portions of Christian gobbledygook that you want to accept.

"There is nothing in that verse that speaks to masturbation--a totally natural inclination, that you have made somehow a dirty thing. What, will you cut off your children's hands or strike them dead when you catch them?"

A: Well, I didn't cut off their hands when I discovered them stealing (a totally natural inclination). And I didn't strike them dead when I caught them lying (another totally natural inclination). So I doubt I would take such a course of action if they committed sins against the virtue of purity. But I would help them to understand that God calls us and enables us to live on a plane that is not "totally natural". A plane that supercedes what is only natural. That's why it is called supernatural.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), October 25, 2003.

"Faith,"

DO NOT INSIST ON MASTURBATING!

-- Grace + Faith + Works (do@NOT.masturbate), October 25, 2003.

God is the pillar and foundation of all truth ...

Man! You have trouble reading, don't you? Let me explain this to you again, so that you stop goofing up on this point. I'm showing that you are wrong -- right from the Bible ...

We say that that "the pillar and foundation of truth" is the Catholic Church.
You say "it is God Himself"?
No, for "God Himself" said that "the pillar and foundation of truth" is the Catholic Church.
Lest you doubt me for even one second longer, read it and learn -----

"... if I am delayed, you may know how a person ought to behave in God's household, which is the living God's church, the pillar and foundation of the truth." (1 Tim 3:15 -- and check the Greek if you doubt the translation)

The disagreements over doctrines that slowly developed over time caused the great schism ...

As always, you are wrong again. (It is truly frightening when a person is wrong 95% of the time. Wow, how the devil can mess up a decent person's mind!) By "great schism," I assume that you are referring to the Eastern Schism of about 1050 A.D.. In that event, certain Eastern dioceses chose not to regard the pope as their supreme shepherd. That is what is meant by the word "schism" -- a refusal to obey legitimate authority, but WITHOUT significant "disagreements over doctrines." You are completely wrong.

When someone rejects the most solemn doctrines -- dogmas -- she goes not merely into schism, but into heresy, just as you did and just as the Protestants did in the 1500s.

-- Grace + Works (Pillar@And.Foundation), October 26, 2003.

Thank you and thank God for so many insights, advice, reproof, and counsels with regards to my problem, from different perspectives, scripture, church, medical, psychological, social, moral (objective and subjective aspects), etc., and also the course of action I should take and my goal in future. Everyone has contributed to me (you may think it is exaggerated!), even those that seem very scandalous or negative. One thing I have also noticed that since the day I posted my question to you, I have till date not masturabated or gone into porn, even though I find my prayer, scripture, and eucharist quite difficult and with so many temptations from all around and the media. I know that I should disciple myself to have enough sleep, eating in time, control of internet time, exercise, etc., which is all haywire right now. But, I know I should do better than that (just planning) to weed off what is not of God, persevering and gaining full victory. Amen.

Thank you and God Bless You!

Philip

-- PHILIP JOHN (leslie_jn@yahoo.com), October 26, 2003.

Dear Philip,

For your case, I highly reccomend reading the book titled "Courage to be Chaste" by Father Benedict Groeschel. It is short, enjoyable and will give you just the pointers you need to take you through this transition to true freedom from the sin of masterbation.

I wish you the best in your conjugal relationship with your wife. She can and should help you along. Your wife is completely off-base about abstaining for the sake of mental and spiritual needs of the unborn child. Unfortunately, this sounds like manipulation by her of you of the very highest order.

But you need to do what you can as well, which includes having a wholesome and integrated spiritual approach to your sexuality. Groeschel's book is a wonderful boost for following that route.

You will find also that in developing this perspective on your self, that your ability to love your wife in non-sexual ways is greatly enhanced. You CAN do it. You will be a better man, and a better husband.

God bless.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), October 26, 2003.

Keep up the good fight, Philip. Thanks for the closing note. We are praying for you.

-- Grace + Works (Pillar@And.Foundation), October 26, 2003.