Marcia!

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I'm sure you'll be really busy when you return from your trip, but if you have the time just post a quick note so we know you made it home OK.

I hope you weren't dancing with Isabel last week. :)

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2003

Answers

Hi Sherri and everyone else!! We FINALLY arrived home yesterday about 4 p.m. after driving for 15 hrs. straight, spending Sun. night in Conn. then driving another 7 hrs. on Monday. We're physically and emotionally exhausted and I'm still unpacking. I have lots to talk about...in a day or so. I think I'm still "absorbing" stuff :-(!!

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2003

Thank goodness you're ok!

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2003

I"m glad you made it home OK.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2003

Well, I think I've recovered from the ride! Geesh...what a trip. But I'm still glad that we decided to drive rather than fly!!

It was kind of a "bittersweet" visit. I hadn't seen my mother in over three years, and although I was anxious to see her, I wasn't expecting the change in her physical appearance. She seemed like she'd aged quite a bit!! But she was still my mom and both of us were in tears! Harry and I went directly to the hospital when we arrived, where she was still recovering from the hip replacement...which she survived quite well! The procedure went as expected and she was totally unaware of what was going on. She'd had two weeks of recuperation and PT and we took her home on the 15th. of Sept. She was sooooo happy to be home and the first couple of days went well...thanks to Polly's suggestions :-)!! We had no problems with continuing her therapy, bathing and feeding her home cooked meals. I was kinda enjoying taking care of my mom!! After the third day she was having a major problem with her blood sugar and we had to rush her to the hospital Thursday morning. We spent all day there waiting for the nurses and doctors to get her blood sugar up (it was reading 30 by the time we got her to the hospital!). They got her stabilized and decided to keep her overnight for observation...after we insisted that she wasn't able to go home yet...she couldn't even sit up in bed and she'd become incontinent!! This one "A-hole" ER doctor kept telling us that her numbers were okay and she could leave anytime! Gosh...we could tell that she wasn't quite right yet!!! Finally, later that evening her regular docter checked her out and said she needed more time in the hospital. So she stayed there for the rest of our visit, worked more with the physical therapist and they got her insulin and glucotrol dosage adjusted...finally!! Then, just before we left N.C. on Sun. the doctor suggested that she check into the rehad unit of a local nursing home for a few more weeks. 'Course all she heard was the words "nursing home" and absolutely panicked! Ever try to leave a parent when they're hanging onto you begging you not to "put them away"!!?? Well, we finally calmed her down and had a representative from the rehad unit come in and talk to her. We managed to leave N.C. on schedual Sun. morning, but it was soooo hard leaving her as she sat in that hospital room looking so frail, sad and lonely! I talked to her the other day after she had been moved to the new surroundings, and she was in a little better frame of mind. I think she knows now that she's going to have to spend some time there getting stronger so that she can spend the rest of her life living comfortably in her own home. Although I sure wonder if I did the right thing by signing the paperwork :-(!!!! I feel so bad that I couldn't take care of her the way I should have been able to!

So, that's how our "vacation" to North Carolina went! Hurricane Isabel wasn't too much of a problem. My mom's home is in Pinehurst and we were well west of the path of the storm. But it was too darn HOT and humid for us. Couldn't do much at all outside after 11 a.m. or so. It was so nice to get back to Maine and the 70 degree temps!! PLUS...we hadn't been able to check our lobster traps for 11 days and when we finally did check them today we had caught six lobsters in five traps!!! Two were females with eggs...illegal to keep here in Maine, so we only kept four. Had two tonight....mmmmmm good :-)!!

Anyways...that's about all I have to say. Sure hope that I didn't bore you all with my "problems". It helps me alot to come here to just "talk" about stuff! Thanks for listenin'!

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2003


I know just how you feel Mar! I had to take care of my mother for only 4 days and I almost lost my mind! She had a brain tumor that wasn't diagnosed so she kept falling down, wetting herself, talking to dead people etc. So when my sis shows up she was fine! Only for a couple of days. Anyway she stayed with my sister under Hospice care for about a month then passed.

I really don't know how care givers do it!! What a task!! There is a LOT of people who will be dealing with elder parents and I wish the all the best cause it ain't easy......Kirk

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2003



I agree, Kirk. I don't know how care givers do it! I can take care of sick and injured animals without even thinking about it...but my own mother??!! That was really hard! Our generation is the first to have had to deal with the problem of aging parents. It's a real bummer!!

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2003

Hi Marcia. Glad you're back.

Quick note, I visited my 96 year old grandmother in the hospital. She was crying and in hysterics because her father was going to beat her for messing her pants. I got her calmed and got a nurse to help her (they wanted her to use the diaper and said she goes to the bathroom alot) I ended up helping her onto the bedpan three times during my visit. She said she would have never believed it if asked if her grand-daughter would do this for her.

After they medicated her, she started hallusinating. She told me she had a secret and if she told me my life would be in danger. It bothered my sister that I didn't ask her what the secret was. I just figured it was the medcation talking. (during the war the Germans used the family farm as an outpost) She also said I would be a wealthy woman when she was gone but my father and uncle were the only ones that got wealthy. I still think there was money hidden in the house and it was torn down so..

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2003


Dee, you still got time to get rich! Don't give up hope! Maybe should have a seance and ask grandma if she would please tell you that secret? :)

I certainly agree once again about the unbelievable difficulty of caring for adults. My mother is stressed out; my dad's been in and out of the hospital for decades but he's never needed this kind of intensive care before. He needs help doing everything cuz of that brace he's wearing; cant bend over so needs help even pulling his pants down! He's gettin better at it though. My sister and I have been going over there alternately every day but one since he came home to give her a rest and keep them from going nuts. Ali came with me once and Lo went on her own a few days ago. (my mom says to me 'your daughter was here!' cuz she still refuses to call her lotus, still calls her jes, which she knows pisses me off. weirdo) ;)

My mom keeps referrring to her age, as she always has. She seems physically overwhelmed and I just can't figure out exactly why cuz she's always been a VATA type who never sits still, even when she's sitting down! So other than feeling trapped, I just dont see how she has all that much to do compared to before the accident. Certainly she is doing different things than before; my dad did help with housework and shopping and stuff, but otherwise they did lotsa stuff without each other that they obviously arent doing now. Oh well....

It is interesting however how well we are all getting along. My mother has actually apologized to me twice for her sharp tongue; she seems to be terrified of pissing me off! It's weird! I guess she knows she needs us right now! And I get the feeling she's amazed by how attentive we have been. I don't exactly know why; I don't think you have to be 'close' to know that taking care of your family members is just part of your responsibility in life. I've also discovered a changing dynamic betwee us. When I walk in the house and they have Rush or some relgious crap on the radio, I simply walk over and quietly turn it off. There is no discussion, no muttering under our breath from either side. We are not talking politics or religion whatsoever. No one wants to cause any hurt right now. A wonderful bonus to me has been that the pain meds have loosened my dad's tongue, and he is telling me all these wonderful stories about his past. (did I already tell y'all this?) I LOVE hearing this stuff! Also, my sister and I are getting along great. Barriers seem to be falling; whether they will stay down I have no guess at this time, but it's quite lovely.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2003


If she hid the money in the house, the new buyers or contractors might have found it when they torn the house down. My sister said it was like a treasure hunt, she would find money hidden in draws, purses, under the liner paper under the dishes...Mom said she didn't need more help or I would have enjoyed helping. I was interesting in all the old stuff but didn't want to look grabby. Wish I did now.

My uncle and cousin got spooked in the house after she died and returned with holy water. My sister and father were talking about it and a locked cabinet opened next to them. She said they started laughing. Me? I would have been out the door.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2003


Gee, E.M. That's wonderful that your mom has been a little more "amiable" (is that a good word for it?) towards you and your feelings. I'm sure that in the future she'll call Lotus by her real name!! You are VERY lucky to have such wonderful and caring daughters!!

My mom, in the past, was sort of "the mother from Hell". When she was really P-O'd at us kids, she was deadly with a hairbrush or a wooden spoon! And couldn't she "rearrange" my room in a hurry :-)!! But I now realize that she was probably living in her own kind of Hell with an alcoholic husband that could never keep a job and bill collectors hounding her constantly. And who knows...maybe she knew that my dad was just a wee bit too "friendly" with his daughters, but she couldn't deal with it. Guess she just took her frustrations out on us...especially us girls. But when my dad deserted us, she did her best to keep her kids together and off Welfare. She worked two and three jobs and we never went hungry! I feel more bonded with her now than I did before her husband went into the nursing home (he was the "stepfather from Hell"...'nother story!!). Don't know why. Maybe it's because my older sister and younger (full) brother don't seem to want to help at all and my baby sister is missing somewhere in S. Carolina (??). My mother feels very alone right now and I feel that if I don't help her all I can...well, I just know that I'm gonna have to live with my decisions the rest of my life!! And she looks soooo helpless! I truly believe that the kids do has some kind of responsibilty towards their parents later in life....no matter what happened in the past.

Dee...I would LOVE to experience my grandmother coming to "visit" me!! I really miss my grandparents and wish that I'd spent more time talking with them about their lives.

My mom had another set back. Last Thursday she went back into the hospital 'cause her lungs were filling up with fluids and she couldn't breathe. She's had fluid drained from her lungs before...something about her heart causing the fluid build up. But this time the doctor is saying something about a virus!! Geesh...will it ever end!!?? She was finally able to sit up and go to the bathroom on her own. Hopefully she'll be back in rehab in a few days and working on her exercises again!

Oh yeah...while we were in N.C. my mom gave me my grandparents clock that I remembered hearing as a little girl!! This clock used to sit on their fireplace mantel and chimed every quarter hour. It was built in 1897. Really brought back a flood of memories when we got the pendulum swinging again and it started chiming :-)!!! This is something that I will definitely pass on to my granddaughter!

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2003



It's 3 a.m. here now and my mom suffered a cardiac arrest about an hour ago. They brought her back, but she's in intensive care now. I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight.....

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2003

Marcia, is there anything we can do for you?

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2003

Oh gosh Marcia, I'll be praying for you and your mom. I second Polly, please let me know if there's anything I can do. I don't mind driving long distances and I've never been to Maine or North Carolina.

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2003

I'm so sorry,Marcia! There seems to be something in the air right now; I know so many people whose parents are just now having health problems. Prayers coming your way from MN too, and to your mom and your whole family. I certainly hope you can get ahold of your lost sister soon. <>

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2003

Sorry I didn't get back here sooner...been trying to keep the phone line open.

I talked to the cardiac doctor this afternoon. He needed verbal permission (with two nurses witnessing) to insert a "swan catheter" in my mom's jugular vein. From what he told me, it's snaked down into the heart and monitors what's going on there. Maybe, Polly or Sherri, you could explain it a little more for me?? Thanks! The doc is not sure what caused the cardiac arrest...either it was the renal "digression" or it was diabetes related. She's been sedated all day 'cause of the ventilator and the IV's. That's all I know. I can't even talk to her!!

No, there's not much you all can do, but thanks anyways!! Just knowing that I can come here and talk helps. Thanks so much, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers....they're muchly appreciated!!!

-- Anonymous, September 30, 2003



Marcia, sorry to hear about your mom. Hope she gets better soon.

Wildman, (long face)

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2003


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