catholic and non-catholic wedding : LUSENET : Catholic : One Thread

Hi I have a number of questions to ask. Firstly I am not a catholic and my boyfriend (fiancée to be) Shaun is a catholic.

Much disgust to Shaun’s parents, Shaun and his bother Dan are in love with non- catholic girls (both uniting church).

Dan and Shaun’s parents have made it clear to Sarah (Dans girlfriend) and myself that they do not want us (non-Catholics) to marry into the family. Their mother told Shaun that I will go to hell if I don’t become a catholic, stated that Sarah had no morals (she has only ever dated Dan in her 26 years of life). She also stated that I am a heathen. It has been hurtful. I would like to know if I am going to “hell” for not being a catholic? I find this hard to believe, as I have never slept around, I am a moral person who cares for others.

Anyway Shaun and I are planning to marry, what preparations will Shaun and I undergo before marriage. What is the standard procedure for Catholics and non-catholic must undergo before marriage? I am not sure whether I will convert; I will not be in the near future as Shaun’s parents have turned me off the idea.

My boyfriend’s bother (Dan) and his girlfriend (Sarah) live together. They plan on getting married next year. Dan’s mother and father state they will not attend the wedding because they live together. I realise that the church does not condone living together before marriage, but if Dan’s parents do not attend Sarah will never overcome the differences between her and the in laws, plus Dan will be gravely hurt. This may result in a split in the family, as they do not want their parents to be apart of their lives if they cannot attend the wedding (eg having anything to do with there children). On what grounds are Dans parents not going to the wedding? Is it a sin to attend a wedding in the catholic church of two people (one a catholic) who lived together before marriage if you are a catholic? Is there a way to over come this from the parents or Dan and Sarah’s perspectives? (I am positive they will not move out of cohabitation)

Sorry for the long-winded questions, I just needed to paint the picture. I have underlined the main questions. If you could give my future family some advise it would be great. I just want everything to work out the best.

-- Kath (, August 04, 2003


Dear Kath:

The Catholic church does not teach that you will go to Hell. In fact it teaches that you have a good shot at Heaven because of your Christian baptism.

You are definitely not required to convert before marriage. However the Church insists on a Catholic church wedding. Also you need to get something called express permission from the local bishop to get married. It should be pretty straightforward.

Your boyfriend (not you) is required to promise that he will try and bring up the kids as Catholics.

Dealing with the in-laws of course is not something where there are any standard rules :-). However, I should point out that a Catholic marriage is a lifelong commitment with no concept of divorce. So if Dan and Sarah get into a Catholic marriage, Dan's good Catholic parents have no way to break it up. Maybe it's just "now or never" for them, and they'll ease up after the wedding.

-- Stephen (, August 04, 2003.

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