David is Catholic and I am Hindu. We would like to honor his traditions by having a Catholic wedding. Can we have a Catholic wedding? What if we will not raise our children exclusively Catholic? Will the priest / church object to giving us a marraige? Thanks.

-- Nina Pan (npanigra@hotmail.com), May 18, 2003

Answers

It all depends on the Priest, and his belief in the sacrament of marriage. In the church is implored that you and your fiance be catholic, but not always..As your fiance David would tell you, as part of the marriage vow, he and his spouse are to vow to raise their children as Catholics....I know it sounds cruel, but it mainly just depends....If you find one priest who will not marry you, you can always go to another who just might go along with it....

-- Janice (LIonking3@aol.com), May 18, 2003.

heh, janice, you might as well say,

"if you find a good priest who knows what hes saying, you can always go to another priest who will give you an invalid marraige because hes an idiot"

-- paul (dontsendmemail@notanaddress.com), May 19, 2003.

Truly it depends on the priest but even though this may sound a little cruel, have to say this. I don't think a good catholic priest would ever allow this to happen. I don't know what is happening. Is this how things happen in the west?

My grandfather was a brotheren-catholic - a heretic sect. My grandmother was a catholic. My grandfather had to convert to catholic inorder to marry my grandmother, that too after undergoing special training under priests and with the special permission of the bishop.

Even the marriage among catholics is allowed only after they undergo training and retreat. It is a requirement to marry, and a marriage will not be allowed otherwise. I never knew in the west things have gone like this.

This of course, is if the marriage is wanted to be done in a church in the presence of God. There are other means and many people go that way becase for them, faith is some nonsense. I don't know how far things have gone here, but you see, only orthdox christians are allowed to marry catholics, as non-catholics. Not even protestant sects are included.

I am so sorry to say this but, if the purpose of marrying a catholic wedding is for traditions, it is actually an insult to God and everyone who believes in him. A marriage has far more meanings than traditions. Perhaps here a priest may arrange the marriage for you, but if you say that you will not raise the child as catholic, no priest - unless fallen - would ever allow that to happen because of the seriousness of that issue. It is extremely serious for especially the priest, because of the extreme nature of that act.

Since you and David will marry, the decision to how to raise the child is solely yours. However, it would be good if you don't make this a catholic wedding in the name of traditions.

As for the church decision, I told you how my grandfather married and as a result I had the previlage to be born as a catholic. Otherwise I would be some kind of a heretic now. These things are far more complex than we could think about.

If you look hard enough you would find anything. Just like that, there may be a priest who is willing to do this marriage for the sake of traditions. Like I said, it is your and David's decision alone.

The church respects people of other religions, but marriage is a very holy sacrament which is not supposed to be done as a formality or something like that.

In the bible itself it says that if a husband doesn't believe and the wife does, or vice versa, the family will be blessed, but since you said that you may not raise your children as catholics, that doesn't apply here because honestly, I don't think David is a practicing catholic. I don't think even protestant sects allow these marriages.

Catholic/hindu marriages have happend in Kerala (my land) a lot, but in all those cases the marriage was not done in church and was done without the approval of the church, and the catholic part - was just for show. The serious effect is on children, and I do not wish to say how all that ended up. There is a reason why normally everyone stays away from mixed-religion marriages.

If you just want to marry, and have no intention to raise your child as catholics, and if your husband wishes to do the same, it would be better if you do not have a catholic wedding (that is, if you somehow find a priest who is willing to do this), because it is an insult to God himself. I am sorry to say this and if it sounds harsh, but there is no room for any compromise in things regarding God and faith.

It is all your choice, but insisting to do it in a catholic church to honour David's traditions is a very bad thing to do, in my humble opinion. You may think I am being harsh and rude, but if I did not say this, I am not qualified to be called a catholic, and I will have to answer to God later. Pleasing him is more important than pleasing others.

-- Abraham T (lijothengil@yahoo.com), May 19, 2003.

Nina,

Yes, you and your fiancee can have a Catholic wedding. You will first need to obtain a "dispensation from disparity of cult." Talk to your local parish priest or the the diocesan Chancery about this. The procedure is quite simple.

As part of the wedding you will not be asked to "vow" anything about the children. David will be asked "to do all in his power" to see that the children are raised Catholic. The current formulation recognizes that the other party may also be required to do likewise by their faith.

Please approach the local parish priest.

-- Fr. Michael Skrocki, JCL (abounamike@aol.com), May 19, 2003.

I'm not sure what it's worth, but my father is not Catholic, but he agreed to raise us in the Church upon marrying my mother. We all received the sacraments up to Comfirmation, and my father never uttered a cross word about Catholicism. Now that all of my siblings and I are adults and teenagers, none of us have decided to stay commited to the Catholic faith. I say let your children choose. You can try to force whatever religion you want on them, but if you raise them to think for themselves, you'll have to trust that they'll make the best decision for themselves.

-- J Biscuits (clavooxadado@aol.com), May 19, 2003.

Biscuit,
What you're saying is that you have personal proof a child brought up as a Catholic is bound to lose the faith later. Judging by your own experiences.

Are other Catholics all like you? Did we all lose our Catholic faith, because we chose to, later on in our lives? Is your case the deciding case? Obviously you are a ''special'' type. You never learned to BELIEVE.

Others like myself, even Abraham, who lives in a country far away, have been brought up in the Catholic Church, and have believed. We would lay down our lives for the faith. Did you ever hear of martyrdom? Tell us, biscuit; what will you ever lay down your life for?

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), May 19, 2003.

Dear Moderator,
Please delete the message above that is signed "JF Gecik."
As I'm sure that you and some others can tell, I did not write that message. Our childish impersonator did.
I do not "agree" with Janice. She was not "right" in everything she said (as Father later explained).
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 19, 2003.

Having a Catholic wedding to honor his traditions is not the only motive for David and I to marry in the Church. There is the Hindu belief that faith comes from true spirituality. True spirituality does not come from simply following the rules. In Hinduism it comes from daily practice and following the key sacraments. So from my vantage point, the wedding ceremony is an important part of infusing that spirituality into the marraige and subsequently into the family. But my family will never be 100% Catholic; but most Catholics I know go to church less than I do as a Hindu.

-- Nina Pan (npanigra@hotmail.com), May 19, 2003.

Hey, Don't be discouraged by the answers you get from this board or anyone in person. My husband and I have been married almost 3 years now. He is Catholic and I am Hindu. Moreover, I(a punjabi) came to the US from India at the age of of 13 and married my husband(Irish/German) at the age of 24 after dating for 5 years! We both understand that our own religions are very important to each of us, while respecting the others religious beliefs. If you two truly love each other and are ready for the commitment, you can conquer any obstacles that you may face, now, and when you raise your children. Don't let other people dictate your life and compromise your happiness and life together. Be true to yourself and each other and everything will work out great. Goodluck to you both and feel free to get in touch with me if you need any other advice. Anonymous;)

-- anonymous (23345@yahoo.com), October 24, 2004.

23345@yahoo.com, You're email bounced. Please email me again and let me know how to reach you. Thank you very much.

-- Nina Pan (npanigra@hotmail.com), October 24, 2004.

Nina, my email's hoover_39@hotmail.com

-- (hoover_39@hotmail.com), October 31, 2004.

Hi Nina, Not sure if you were still having trouble emailing me, after I posted my email address, so figured I'd drop you a line. Hope all is going well with you and David. Take care.

-- Anonymous (hoover_39@hotmail.com), November 28, 2004.