George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:

a.. Ran for congress and lost.

b.. Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

c.. Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil (in Texas!), company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

d.. Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs.

e.. With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

f.. Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president:

a.. Attacked and took over two countries.

b.. Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

c.. Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

d.. Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

e.. Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

f.. First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

g.. First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

h.. First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

i.. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.

j.. Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.

k.. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

l.. Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

m.. Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

n.. Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

o.. Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

p.. Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.

q.. Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

r.. Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

s.. Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

t.. Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

u.. Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

v.. My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.

w.. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).

x.. First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

y.. Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

z.. First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

aa.. Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

ab.. Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

ac.. First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.

ad.. First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

ae.. Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

af.. Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

ag.. Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

ah.. Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

ai.. First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

aj.. All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

ak.. My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

al.. Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

am.. First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

an.. First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

ao.. First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

ap.. Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

aq.. With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

ar.. First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

as.. First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

at.. Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

au.. Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

av.. Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

aw.. Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

ax.. In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

ay.. Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

az.. In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

ba.. Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

a.. At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

b.. AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

c.. Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

d.. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

e.. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

f.. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

g.. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.

h.. For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

Answers

EM...I had no idea bush had such an "amazing" resume! It's truly pitiful!!! Sometimes I wonder if bush isn't the "world tyrant" that Nostradmus spoke of in his books.

On a different note...check these out if you just want a good laugh about bush!! Maybe you've already seen these sites.....

www.gwbush.com

www.bushorchimp.com

www.presidentmoron.com

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

Gee, as I was reading this, I wondered when you were going to run out of alphabet!! Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand "g" though. Could you please elaborate? Thx

p.s. In the interest of fairness, what's your source?

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

Very good resume, but didn't read as well as others. Its not as racey as Bill Clintons or as laughable as Al Gores or as low cash valued as Ralph Naders. Guess I'll vote for President Bush and donate my $1000 to the GOP again. Since I'm not married this time though, I'll have to give the other donation to a girl I know to make. She lives in Texas and is a registered Republican also. :>)

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

sheepish, which "g"? the criminal record one? DUI

As to sources, there's a lot of territory here, so it's alot of sources; if there are some you are not aware of, let me know and I'll try to get to finding them for ya.

They are all true. Personally I think the one about producing a slasher movie may be a cheap shot though; he reportedly was 'on the board' of this film production company at the time, and had nothing directly to do with the disgusting film ("the hitcher").

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

And with over 70% approval rating a virtual shoe -in to be re- elected! Not one of those things seem to matter I guess. Big strong macho stupid George happens to come along just when this country gets the shit scared out of it???? Will the good ol USA ever get out of their defensive posture? ....Kirk

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003

Thanks for the reference. That's what I thought was meant.

Hey what's this link with the Sec'y of the Army (?) and Enron now? Is that why he's stepping down? (moving off topic...)

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2003

Produced a slasher movie, I love it! I can see it now...."George W Bush stars as Michael Meyers in Halloween 2003: Attack on Iraq"

I'm asking this next question out of my own ignorance and not in any way to choose sides or pick a fight. I was just wondering in general how much of the country's economic woes are directly caused by the President and how much is due to Congress, the President in office before him, the global economy, and other factors? I sort of remember the bad shape the economy was in while Gerald Ford was in office, did he cause all that?

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2003

Well certainly no president can be responsible alone for the condition of the economy, but I think he definitely sets the tone for economic as well as domestic programs in general and foreign policy. To me, the current crop of Democrats should, with a couple of exceptions, all be thrown in the river. They are complicit in every horror occuring to this once great country, and it makes me sick. They could have stopped it at any step along the way, and have done NOTHING. Paul Wellstone was the last of the real Democrats, and I guess they knew that.

Clinton and his ilk are just as much to blame for the economy; stupid NAFTA and globalization of everything is doing exactly to this country what we predicted it would do. An idiot could see it coming. Congress allowing endless buyouts and mergers, squeezing small business, gifting the crooks at the tops of increasingly huge corporations who crap on those who make them rich, rendering unions useless, media takeovers by corportate interests controlling every major newspaper, television and radio station, magazine....all the news the citizenry hears, since most people won't go out of their way to find the truth.

Here's an interesting graphic, charting the nation's deficit under recent administrations:

deficit

Of course the current administration, (and it is simplistic to imagine this is GeeDub's doing; he's a zealot certainly, but a pawn in the hands of a cabal at the ready for a long time to get to do what they are now doing) there is no interest in what most of us would consider improving the economny. In fact, there is ample evidence that they are intentionally TRYING to ruin it for the middle and lower classes. (I'll provide links later; I just don't have time to hunt for them right now)

Grover Norquist, top right-wing strategist for many years, "My goal is to cut government in half in twenty-five years," he says, "to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub."

nor quist

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2003

More Love from Washington:

mollyivans

Molly Ivins Creators Syndicate 04.24.03 Republicans take aim at the 40-hour work week Everybody gets screwed on this one, except the bosses.

AUSTIN, Texas -- Boy, there is no shortage of creatively terrible ideas from the Republican Party these days. Those folks are just full of notions about how to make people's lives worse -- one horrible idea after another bursting out like popcorn -- and all of them with these sickeningly cute names attached to them.

Consider the Family Time and Workplace Flexibility Act (Senate version) and the Family Time Flexibility Act (House version). The Bush administration is leading the charge with proposed new rules that will erode the 40-hour workweek and affect more than 80 million workers now protected by the Fair Labor Standards Act.

To hear the Republicans tell it, you'd think these were family- friendly bills, something like Clinton's Family Leave Act, designed to help you balance the difficult combined demands of work and family. With such a smarm of butter over their visages do the Republicans go on about the joys of "flexibility" and "freedom of choice" that you would have to read the bills for maybe 30 seconds before figuring out they're about repealing the 40-hour workweek and ending overtime.

As The American Prospect magazine notes, when Republicans talk about "flexibility," it means letting business do whatever it wants without standards, mandates or worker and consumer rights. Ever since FDR's New Deal, working overtime gets you time-and-a-half in money, which has the happy effect of holding the work week down to 40 hours - - or at least preventing it from ballooning grossly.

The proposed Bush rules, which the two Republican bills codify and expand, would: -- Exclude previously protected workers who were entitled to overtime by reclassifying them as managers. Companies are already using this ploy where they can get away with it. Say you're frying burgers on the night shift at McDonald's, making overtime, and suddenly -- congratulations -- you're the assistant night manager, with no raise and no overtime.

-- Eliminate certain middle-income workers from overtime protections by adding an income limit, above which workers no longer qualify for overtime. You like that? You make too much to earn overtime.

-- Remove overtime protection from large numbers of workers in aerospace, defense, health care, high tech and other industries. Pay attention, this one is coming right out of your paycheck. Big Bidness is lobbying hard on these bills. If you work overtime to pay your bills, look out. The trick is, employers get to substitute comp time for overtime, and the employers get the right to decide when -- or even if -- a worker gets to take his or her comp time. The legislation provides no meaningful protection against employers requiring workers to take time off instead of cash and no protection against employers assigning overtime only to workers who agree to take time instead of cash. Everybody gets screwed on this one, except the bosses. Isn't it lovely?

The proposed rules changes and the Republican bills provide a strong financial incentive for employers to lengthen the workweek, on top of an already staggering load. By 1999, in one decade, the average work year had expanded by 184 hours, according to Kevin Phillips' book "Wealth and Democracy."

He writes, "The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that the typical American works 350 hours more per year than the typical European, the equivalent of nine work weeks."

The bills give employers a new right to delay paying any wages for overtime work for as long as 13 months. According to an analysis by the Economic Policy Institute, under the new bills an employee who works overtime hours in a given week might not receive any pay or time off for that work until more than a year later, at the employer's discretion.

"Without receiving interest or security, the employees in essence lend their overtime pay to the employers in the hope of getting back some time later as paid time off," the report states. "Employees' overtime compensation is put at risk of loss in the event of business failure and closure, bankruptcy or fraud. Furthermore, employees get no guarantee of time off when they want or need it."

The EPI explains why Big Bidness loves these bills: "A company with 200,000 FLSA-covered employees might get 160 free hours at $7 an hour from each of them (160 hours is the maximum allowed under the bills). That's the equivalent of $224 million that the company wouldn't have to pay its workers for up to a year after the worker has earned it. Considering that, under normal circumstances, the employer might have to pay 6 percent interest for a commercial loan of this magnitude, it could save $13 million by relying on comp time to 'borrow' from its employees instead."

The slick marketing and smoke on this one are a wonder to behold. We're being told that private sector workers will get the same "benefit" of comp time as public employees. Wow, keen, except the government has no profit motive for pushing comp time instead of overtime. Boy, does this stink.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2003

Joy........HELP!

I think I found the problem, but only you can fix it dear. Where the striking started I have an error in my code...I put {deleted because it screws up the post -- she put in an "s" instead of an "a"} instead of [a href]/ Could you change it purty please? :)

sanks

Joy's note: the arrow brackets are always read as html code, so I substituted other brackets to explain what happened.

EM, I left the one in bold, not sure if you wanted it that way or not.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2003