A young man joins the monastery and on his first day the Abbot says to him, my son, I want you to help the old monks scribing the sacred books. Go into that room there and watch what they do, they will teach you.

A couple of days later the young man goes to see the Abbot. He says ‘Father, it’s really not very clever how they are doing this, they’re making copies of copies. They should be making their copies from originals. If they make one mistake then that mistake is repeated in every book thereafter. ’ The Abbot thinks about this and says, ‘hmmmmm you know you may be right! I will go and see the monks and check this out further’.

The Abbot goes into the room with the monks, and is not seen again for three days. He doesn’t come out to eat or sleep, and the other monks are getting more and more worried by the hour. The young man is elected to go in to find out if he’s ok. So he goes over to the door and leans his ear against it, straining to hear any noise coming from the room.

He can hear sounds of hysterical crying, the Abbot is wailing and weeping hysterically. Eventually he gets up courage, goes into the room and sees the Abbot in a state of distress...... ‘Father, what on earth’s wrong with you? are you ok??? he asks.

The Abbot looks up.......

‘The Word is celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ’ he says :

:-)

Sara

-- sara (sara@yahoo.com), April 05, 2003

Answers

I can hear the groans from here.......it loses some of the humour in typing it rather than telling it!

heheheheh

God bless you all

-- Sara (Sara@yahoo.com), April 05, 2003.

Sara - I love it!!

Once during a two week retreat in a Cistercian Monestary I jokingly oferred to paint a fresco or rebuilt the pipe organ. The respond was " I think it will do you well to fold cheese boxes during your visit. "

Catholic Joke - There was a priest in Northern Ireland known for his expertice at repairing Church organs in large Cathederals. Once when in his home parish a visiting upper class lady commented on this saying: " Father I am aware you are a man of many organs " - "Indeed my dear indeed - a miracle of nature yes a miracle of nature. "

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), April 06, 2003.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Religious Joke, My Little Sister's Jokes ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- A man is struck by a bus on a busy street. He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd and yells, "A PRIEST, PLEASE!"

Out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least 80 years of age.

Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years now I'm living behind the Catholic church on First Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agrees, and clears the crowd so the man can get through to where the injured man lay. He kneels down, leans over the prostrate man and says in a solemn voice:

B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72.

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), April 06, 2003.

Ed - Good one.

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), April 06, 2003.

LOL Ed ...good one.

-- sara (Sara@yahoo.com), April 06, 2003.

Not a bad joke, it got 2 smiles, and cured a guy's insomnia.

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), April 07, 2003.

WTF was that?? :\

-- Vic Shelick (yep@yep.com), April 08, 2003.

Maybe the biggest jokes are the ones who add nothing and just criticize.

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), April 11, 2003.

The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.

-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.

-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.

-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.

-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.

-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.

-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.

-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)

-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.

-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."

-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).

-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).

-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.

-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!!

-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

>:-)

-- Mike H. (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), April 11, 2003.

People Who Died In Service SENT: 234 E-mail To: A Friend Entire Address Book Clean Address Book Dirty Address Book

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor Smith, what is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:00 or the 11:00?"

-- clown boy (coco@ringling.com), April 11, 2003.

good one clown

-- Mike H. (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), April 11, 2003.

from the Internet (Details)

> > I hope everyone will forgive me in advance for sending this to the list - but I could not stop laughing after I read it. An old friend (and devout Catholic) just sent the material below to me, AND > > since the French have recently; > > 1. given us such a bad time about the war in Iraq, > > 2. have been recently proven to have been supplying Saddam Hussein much of his ability to make Weapons of Mass Destruction - against all the U.N. sanctions which were in place against sale of such materials to Iraq, > > 3. have been recently proven to have been cutting 'sweetheart deals' with Saddam for their own financial advantage. > > 4. have been expressing great concern for Iraqi citizens hurt because of the U.S. - at exactly the same time that they are demanding that the new Iraqi Government pay off all the debts Saddam Hussein ran up with France - most of which debt was caused by French credit to Saddam to buy weapons with which to enslave his own people and make war on others, > > 4. and the French in general claiming to be morally superior to the U.S. (a demonstrable oxymoron if I ever saw one), > > 5. the French had to twice be rescued in time of need twice by American armed forces, after, > > 6. their soldiers simply collapsed in the face of heavily armed enemies prior to our having to save them in WW II --- > > I present to you the following: :-) > > "A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the > French captured an English major. Taking the major to their > headquarters, the French general began to question him. The French > general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't > you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" > > In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason > English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood > won't show and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why > from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants." > > All my love in Christ > > Louie >

-- Louie Moskowitz (louie34@yahoo.com), April 11, 2003.

Clown Boy and Mike H.,
I enjoyed your contributions!

Here is a link to a thread that is a sort of "gateway" to all the humor threads that have been started at the forum through the years.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), April 15, 2003.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------Computer Junkie

1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife(husband).

3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

4. I will answer my snail-mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

5. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

6. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily ... well, once a week ... okay, monthly then ... or maybe ...

7. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

8. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."

9. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL ... LOL!"

10. I will read the manual ... just as soon as I can find it.

11. I will think of a password other than "password."

12. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning ... 4:30 is much more practical.

13. I resolve ... I resolve to ... I resolve to, uh ... I resolve to, uh, get my, er ... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

-- Ed Richards (lozt@yahoo.com), April 19, 2003.

Hi,

I've decided to go back to the N.O. Holy Mass. I don't know what I was thinking? I love you all. Thanks for the help. Sometimes I just try to hard.

It feels great to be Catholic!

-- Ed Richards (Loztra@yahoo.com), October 31, 2003.

If the above message (10/31/2003) is really from Ed Richards, this is one of the happiest moments in the history of the forum!

Ed Richards used to be one of the foremost bashers of Vatican II and the rite of Mass approved by Pope Paul VI in 1969. At least an SSPX-er, he may have even slipped into sedevacantism.

Glory to God on high, who (I hope) helped Ed to come back into full communion with the Catholic Church.

St. James, pray for us.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), November 02, 2003.

John,

It was a "Catholic joke".:-) Read the title of the thread.

It wa not Eddie. It was David@excite

-- - (Dvid@excite.com), November 02, 2003.

OK, David. I get it now. I forgot the topic there. Too bad it wasn't for real (for Ed R's sake). JFG

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), November 02, 2003.