For Joy and Julie; and Mr. Ghandi

(Stolen from the Backwoods Home Irreverant Joke Page)

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig’s house and said, ”I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did. So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said, “Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.” So the stick Pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did. So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig’s house and said, “Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!” So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.”

The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared. But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call. A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulled up. Out stepped two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs went over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the stuffing out of him. Then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in is mouth and fired, killing the wolf. Then they got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!

“Who the heck were those guys?” they asked.

“Those were my cousins from Jersey ... the Guinea Pigs.”

So...how is the family, anyway?!?!

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2003

Answers

We got hit with another lovely snowstorm this weekend, about 8 inches total. I can say that it was lovely because I didn't have to go anywhere, my co-workers who were stranded at the airport may have a different opinion of things. I helped Keith shovel the drive and sidewalk and apparently this weightlifting stuff is working because I didn't get nearly as tired as I have in the past. :)

I had a productive weekend beginning the major task of decluttering the house before putting it up for sale. I made good progress on the two back bedrooms and hauled two carloads of stuff to Goodwill. If I had back all the money I've spent on projects that I've started and never finished I could have bought a farm long ago. :) Keith is the king of the packrats and though I was able to win some major concessions (ie getting rid of vinyl albums if we have the same thing on CD or videos if we have the movie on DVD) I couldn't convince him to part with his 10-year collection of Playboys. I knew better than to even ask about getting rid of the comic books! We are going to rent a storage pod for most of our furniture and belongings while the house is on the market. I'm hoping to have all the interior work finished by the end of March and the exterior repairs done by mid- April.

My mom had to fly back to Michigan from Florida this week to help arrange for a nursing home placement for my grandfather. His health and mental status are not good and it's too much for grandma to manage on her own anymore. Grandma's health is still pretty good but I'm concerned about her living on her own. She doesn't know how to drive and has never had to pay a bill or balance a checkbook in her life. My youngest sister has been trying to help out as much as she can but she and grandma get along about like cats and dogs.

I think that's about all the news from snowy central Indiana! :)

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2003

Hey Marcia, I just saw the good news you posted on last week's thread. Congratulations! Could you get a goat-sized milking machine to save your wrists? I know you've probably said this before, but what breed of goats do you have?

Hey...maybe you could hire some of us to come out there and milk the goats in exchange for lobsters....hehehe I can see it now, we'll all be standing on a street corner in Maine holding cardboard signs that say "Will milk for lobster"

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2003

I'm picturing them in pin-stripe suits with fedoras and violin cases...

I was looking for a picture of them, but all I found was this -- http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ViewItem&item=2311112326&category=1286

I think I've gotta get one. Maybe I can make a pattern off it and sew 7 more of 'em. That or sew myself to the costumes.

-- Anonymous, March 04, 2003

We've been really busy lately; what with helping ali with her schoolwork, keeping up with the internet business, doing the books for bren's company, helping when we can with Lotus's career, my political work, along with regular domestic stuff, I havent had much time lately for socializing on the internet.

Lo had a gig for a Mardi Gras party; it was way weird cuz it was held at a club at an army base here in town. So here we come with our NO WAR stickers on our cars! Oh well, was a good deal for all I guess. We got dressed up silly and the crowd was tough at first but as usual once folks get a little likkered up and loose they start dancin and enjoying themselves. I almost killed her though when she announced she was dedicating the next song to her parents, who yesterday celebrated their 28th anniversary! I was terrified she was gonna do something really embarrassing like ask us to stand up or something! We only knew a handful of people there! It was fun though.

She got her first real review, for a gig she did last week, first one from someone we didn't know. It was great! I must share! whiskey junction

Ali has bronchitis; we actually had to go to a (gulp) doctor! to get some antibiotics cuz she just wasn't able to shake it and I could tell it was turnin nasty. Hasnt been to a doc since she was 12, and she just turned sweet 16! She doesn't feel bad though, just tired of coughing; antibiotics should work great on her since we injest them so infrequently.

Well take care all, and everybody say a prayer for what's left of our country!

Love ya,

-- Anonymous, March 04, 2003

Sherri...I just got around to reading this thread again...talk about a late response!! I wasn't ignoring you...really!

Guess I wont be selling my excess milk to Mayari after all. They seemed to think that $1.00/gal. was too much money for milk that they were making into soap!! Hell...I work hard for that milk! I'm NOT selling it for any less than that!! But, then again...maybe that's too expensive??! Maybe I should renegotiate and sell it for $.50/gal.?? I don't know...maybe I'll just make my own soap and sell it for less than theirs :-)!!

A milking machine is out of the question. Way too much money...$1,000.00 and up!! I couldn't justify spending that much with only two or three milkers. I'll get by with my wrists the way they are for another couple of years or so. BTW...I wouldn't make you folks milk for a lobster dinner...as long as you all helped to haul in the traps :-)!!

-- Anonymous, March 04, 2003

E.M....I just read Lotus' review! Fantastic!!! You must be sooo proud! She looks like she is really pouring her heart into her music and most definitely enjoys what she's doing. Tell her that congrats are being sent her way fom Maine :-)!!!!

-- Anonymous, March 04, 2003

Marcia -- I know nothing (or thereabouts) about milking machines...however, I DO know eBay!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ViewItem&item=3211670904&category=10865

That one is running at $150 (do they need something like air compressors to run 'em??)

Then there's this one at $92 -- http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ViewItem&item=3211110159&category=13548

I think this one needs parts or something, but like I said, I don't know a whole lot bout how these things work -- http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ViewItem&item=2512528682&category=11751 (hey, I had another window open, so I thought I'd do a quick eBay search and see what they had)

Y'know, I don't think that a dollar a gallon sounds so bad for goat milk. When I get it from the grocery store, it's $2.56 a quart!

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003

Hm. Apparently there is a lot more to it. I went to Google and was reading up on Laval milking systems.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003

Julie...from what I've seen there are lots of "parts" to a milking machine. And sometimes those parts don't function very well on a used milking machine. If I bought a used one, I'd have to go and watch it being set up and used...'cause I know nothing about them, either!! Also I'd want to make sure a used one would work. Haven't checked checked out the ones you found on ebay yet, but I think I will. ANYTHING I can learn about them might help :-)

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003

Thanks for reading the review, Marcia! And yes, I am very proud of her. She works so hard, is so dedicated and determined. I think I get more nervous than she does though before every gig! And I don't think sound guys like me very much, cuz I'm very active in making suggestions during the performance when something sounds off to me.

Gee whiz, I sold my milking machine at the farm sale for $100 to a neighbor. I woulda shipped it to ya if I'd have known you needed one. And I don't think you should take less than a dollar a gallon either. Last I heard the going rate for fluid goat milk was about 2.25 a gallon ($28 a cwt).

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003

E.M...Lotus is very lucky to have such a supportive mom!!!! Thanks, I would have bought a milking machine sight unseen from you 'cause I know I could have trusted you...or anyone else here!! Oh well...c'est la vie :-)!

The retail price here for goat's milk in the health food stores is around $2.65 per gal. too, but as usual, it's the "farmer" that gets the proverbial shaft! I'd have to be a state certified dairy to get that much for milk (for human consumption) and even then I'd be forced to pasteurize my milk.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003