Grace Goat is very ill or hurt.

We had rain, and Mike Mule hates being cooped up. Sometimes he has tantrums. We think he killed the buck during the last snow storm, as the poor old thing was lying outside the barn door. Maybe he's hurt Grace Goat. We don't know.

But spare her a thought. With all the people about to die, worrying about a goat borders on obscene. So don't worry about her, just spare a thought.

-- helen (gripping@keys.tightly), February 13, 2003

Answers

I'm SO sorry (((((((Helen))))))). I pray she pulls through.

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), February 13, 2003.

Grace Goat died. She was a very sweet creature.

-- helen (gripping@til.it.hurts), February 13, 2003.

I'm sorry you've lost a friend, Helen. Are you gripping tightly to keep from strangling that crabby old mule? (((Helen)))

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 14, 2003.

((((Helen)))) Know that all of us have you in our thoughts and prayers.

-- (sonofdust@yahoo.com), February 14, 2003.

Hubby says that while I was sick last week with a spider bite, he noticed Grace Goat seemed to be getting elderly quickly. He said she couldn't figure out how to go around things, etc. He doesn't think the mule did it.

Grace Goat died on a soft pile of hay, nice and warm, with a belly full of grain. Her daughters Kritter Goat and Laura Goat were in attendance, and there were no signs of distress on the body. We should all have it so good.

I think she just got old. She's been here about four years, and we think she was old when she came. She was my first goat, bought at a sale because she was the least intimidating goat there.

She initially wanted nothing to do with any of us. Then one day it rained. I had read faithfully in my goat book that goats must not get wet. I ran outside with an umbrella and stood over dear Grace Goat until the cloudburst ended.

At that point she must have realized she had hit the goat jackpot -- she had an idiot who could be manipulated into providing all kinds of amenities from warm oatmeal breakfasts while in labor to hot water delivered on freezing mornings. She had a blanket. She had a brush. She had a reserved spot in the warmest part of the barn. In short, she had it made.

Her funeral pyre will be lit at 11 PM EST tonight. Rejoice with us as we mark her easy passing. Someone please inform Mr. Frankenstein that this is a cremation and not a barbeque ... he must not bring a fork.

-- helen (getting@a.grip), February 14, 2003.

Helen, will you write my euolgy?

-- Lon (lgal@exp.net), February 14, 2003.

Does kritter know that you named one of Grace's daughters after her?

-- (lars@indy.net), February 14, 2003.

Lon, I pray I never have the need to write your eulogy!

Lars, all the women here will eventually have a goat named after them. Kritter knows. :)

The cremation began on schedule. Of course things did not go as planned. I shall write a story about it later, after the burns on my hands have healed a bit.

-- helen (reeking@with.grief), February 15, 2003.

Burnt hands??? Helen, you did not need to go that far in order to get out of posting the end to your story!!

Sorry, couldn't resist. (((Helen)))

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 15, 2003.

I shall post a summary of my experience with cremation at home. Accidental suttee. The burns aren't too bad. For a while there, she was a column of fire four feet in diameter and ten feet high. It was awesome.

-- helen (grip@hurts.a.bit), February 15, 2003.

Very sorry about Grace Goat. She couldn't have had a better home. It certainly sounds like you sent her off in style.

Worrying about a goat isn't obscene. It just means you've got a good heart. Lesson here. Don't name your goldfish. Trust me, I know.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), February 16, 2003.