For *ALL* of the posters who have been courageous enough to share their stories and for *ALL* those who have not been able to fight their fear to write their stories, some advice.

As one of my favorite writer's Dear Abby would say: if you are in an abusive relationship and worse if you have children who are also being abused, RUN, don't walk and get away from the abuser. Until the abuser admits there is a problem, abuse doesn't just go away, it escalates until you may be hurt, maimed, or killed. As bad or worse, your children may be hurt, maimed, or killed. As the good, decent parent, can you allow that to happen? If the abuser were not your spouse, would you hesitate even a moment to deal with an abuser of either yourself or your children? You and your children deserve more and better.

Now, for some positive advice that may help you. So many of you are fearful of the sexism of the system that denies that women can abuse men. If you report a case of female domestic violence and have to deal with a police, shelter, or legal system that practices male sexism, then you should contact Dr. Warren Farrell through is web-site at http://www.warrenfarrell.com/. Click on the link of "Warren in Person". One of the things that he does is he will be an expert witness on male abuse. He is a nationally recognized PhD on male issue topics and has successfully appeared in court to lobby on behalf of male domestic abuse victims.

Leave and make sure that you and/or your children will be safe. Hopefully this type of support will help you leap that last and largest hurdle to your future health, life, and safety.

Peace and good luck.

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2003

Answers

SAFE also has several people that can serve as expert witnesses. You can contact us through our speaker's program, on our website: http://www.safe4all.org

Incidentally, Warren Farrrell is on our advisory board.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2003

Hello, I have been trying effortlessly to get information on how to organize a 'safe-house' for abused men. While doing a research I contacted a few universities and vital statistics concerning how many abused men are out there and I was informed that there was no information of this sort because only women and children are abused. There is very little or nothing out there for men who suffer abuse from their partners or females period. I did a small survey with some men who admit they are currently in an abusive relationship and reveal how difficult it is for them to do anything about it because they are laughed at, shamed, and are not believed. Some of them have left and others stay with their spouse because they will lose everything or most of what they worked so hard for.Other men who experienced abuse by women now remain bachelors as a result. I have 4 sons and 3 who experienced diverse abuse from their partners, and one is presently fighting for visitation rights to see his children. Most women I find are in denial and believe they do not need help so blame their husbands because they can get away with it by the courts, child and family services etc. Having discussions with many of my male clients and my sons who were abused in their relationships inspired me to see what I could do about a safe place for men who are abused by females, where they could go to receive counselling in many areas as well as dealing with abuse. However, as much as I have tried to discuss this issue with people who might be able to help concerning this issue, it appears they are not interested or do not believe there is such a thing as maltreatment of men in our society today. Anyway, I would like information on how and where I may get input how to set up a multicultural safe house for abused men. I would appreciate it greatly if you can give me some direction. Thank you kindly. Sincerely Betty Barter PS I am a mental health counselor and a Life Skills Coach and have much to offer in the way of helping men who need help.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2003

Hello Betty, We at Violence Intervention Program/SAFE-NH,the New Hampshire Chapter of Stop Abuse For Everyone, are currently working on the same dilemna as you are. Please feel free to correspond directly with us if you'd like, and maybe we can learn from our mutual experiences. You can reach us via this e-mail address or through our link in the HELP Directory of SAFE's website under New Hampshire. Good Luck! Take care and be SAFE, Lee Newman Executive Director:Violence Intervention Program President: SAFE-NH

-- Anonymous, April 26, 2003