I am a non-catholic female divorcee. I want to marry a catholic man. I was married before, but neither I nor my ex-husband was baptized. We had a civil ceremony, not married in a church. We had no children. Is an annulment necessary for me to be married in the catholic church. I plan on converting to catholicism after our wedding. I have received many mixed opionons on the subject. I know that I need to go talk to a priest, I would just appreciate some thoughts on what to expect.

Thank you. Cristy

-- Cristy Lewis (cristylewis@yahoo.com), January 22, 2003

Answers

Response to non-baptized, non-catholic wants to marry a catholic. Annulment necessary?

You have some good chance. Go calmly to your local pastor...

-- (marios85ten@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003.

Response to non-baptized, non-catholic wants to marry a catholic. Annulment necessary?

So often, people post that they plan on becoming Catholic after the wedding which always prompts me to ask why after and not before? It's not just idle curiosity..It's been my experience that when people seek to marry in the Church because they love the Church and not just because they love a person who is IN the Church, the marriage tends to be more of a joyous one, since all are on the same page the day of the wedding as far as putting God first and themselves second.Since you must wait anyway to have the church review your first marriage, why not use that time to begin your journey into membership in the Church?

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003.

Response to non-baptized, non-catholic wants to marry a catholic. Annulment necessary?

I go to college full time at night and hold a full time job during the day. We are planning on getting married two months after I graduate. I simply don't have time to go to RCIA classes and give it my full attention. Marriage and changing religions are two very serious, life changing decisions. I just don't feel that I can make them both right now.

-- Cristy Lewis (cristylewis@yahoo.com), January 22, 2003.

Response to non-baptized, non-catholic wants to marry a catholic. Annulment necessary?

You should expect that a priest will ask you to set an appointment (they're busy, too!), that he will treat you with respect, regardless of your questions, and be glad for the opportunity to talk with you. He probably WILL refer you to RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults), (not Roman Catholics In Agony!!!). You will probably be probed as to your intentions - why you are considering being Catholic. For example, would you be considering it if you were NOT planning to marry a Catholic man? You should expect that people will accept you as a woman, as a human being, as someone created by God just like everyone else, with no more rights, and no less, than anyone else. You should expect to be heard. You should expect that you will not be judged whether or not you "go all the way" and become a baptized Catholic. If you aren't getting any of that, I suggest you go through a 2- step process. First, examine your motives and your honesty. If your inquiry is genuine, and not just a hoop to jump through, and you aren't feeling honored, respected, and valued, then go to step 2. Step 2 is to inquire at a different parish. Don't overlook your motives. Anyone who inquires about becoming Catholic has some automatic rights to expect from the Catholic Church, but they come with corresponding responsibilities (Duh!). You are entitled to non-judgmental, straight-forward answers to your questions. Probably the most important thing you can do is be right up front with all those mixed opinions you've received. A priest, or a good RCIA team, who cares about YOU, will not feel threatened by your questions and opinions, and won't feel the need to judge you. My mother was a convert, baptized just before she married my father. She graduated from U of Chicago, in the late 30's, so she was no dummy. She and her roommate both embarked on their own paths to inquire about becoming Catholic. Her friend stumbled on a priest who gave her a book and told her to come back in 2 months. My mother told the priest who answered the door that she was wanting to know more about the Catholic Church, but she wanted to get straight answers to straight questions. So, he asked if she'd like to come in and have a cup of coffee and talk about it. My mother is a devout Catholic, and her friend never DID find any religious fulfillment, and was always somewhat envious of my mother's experience. My point is, you don't want to be judged as "one of those divorcees". And you shouldn't. So, if you get a dope for a priest or a panel of dopes for an RCIA team, please, don't judge the whole Catholic church on that experience. Try again.

You're entitled.

Larry

-- Larry Sass (LarrySass@pacbell.net), April 22, 2003.