Another Catholic Marriage Question - HELP : LUSENET : Catholic : One Thread


My fiance and I are planning our wedding.Along with all the joys of planning, comes frustrations and what seem to be as obsticals to overcome. My fiance was raised in a Catholic home and is still a practicing Catholic. I was baptised in the Catholic church, but then raised in a Christian Non-denomination Church after my parents divorce (I was 3 year old at the time). Our dimela is of course the performance of our ceremony.

It is important, to him and his family, that our marriage be recognized by the Catholic Church. I respect this, because I love him and because I know how important my faith is to my heart. We both have dreamed for an outdoor wedding ceremony. We found out over the past few months that this is impossible if we still want the marriage to be recognized. Obviously this has upset both of us. A priest informed us of "revalidation", going to the church after our outdoor ceremony and revalidating the marriage in the Catholic church. His parents are not acceptant of this. This has been really hard on me. From day one of our relationship, my fiance has understood that I have no intention of converting to Catholisim. His family has understood this as well. I felt that the revaliadation was a great compremise for all. I guess I was wrong.

Our next step has been, I have given into the idea of our ceremony performed in another church (not Catholic), but performed by a Catholic priest. Again another compromise that I pray will work for all of us. I wonder if along our journey, we may have been misinformed on the ways allowed for our situation.

Ultimatley, my questions are: 1. Outdoor wedding even possible? If so how? 2. Will our marriage be valid in the Church if performed by a priest in a alternate Church facilty (Not Catholic). 3. Is there any other way we can do this so that the best of both worlds is included?

Thanks in advance for what you may have to contribute. ~Mel

-- M.M.M (, January 21, 2003


The marriage can be performed in a non catholic church even by a non catholic pastor but there must be a catholic priest present at the wedding. Outdoor wedding is possible if the bishop gives his permission but the reasons would need to be good (not - I like that garden a lot...). Speak to your local pastor he will know how to deal with the wedding in a non catholic church. No problem with that!

-- (, January 22, 2003.

I would caution you to be careful not to hold the Church reponsible for the feelings of your future sound pretty frustrated! IMHO when parents meddle with things before the wedding, they rarely stop after the vows have been exchanged. Who is getting married here? If you and your beloved have already worked out a situation that is approved by his priest and acceptable to both of you, then why not start off your marriage the right way and be a "couple"? IMHO, I'd invite his parents to sit down with the priest and have him explain how nice that revalidation ceremony will be, how respectful you are of the need for it, and how you BOTH have made this decision.They are already married, you are just beginning your married life together..for a marriage to work, especially one of two faiths, the couple MUST work as one..not be pulled apart by in-laws even before the wedding takes place, or there is nothing but trouble ahead.God comes first, then one another, then everyone else.

-- lesley (, January 22, 2003.

Marios~ Thank you very much for the bit of info that you had to give! It was really appreciated. I assume that the way to contact the bishop would be through our local diocese?? Is this correct?

-- M.M.M (, January 22, 2003.

You must go through your local pastor.

-- (, January 23, 2003.

Most weddings occur in doors because the vows are exchanged within the liturgy, the Mass.

If your fiance is Catholic and wants a Catholic ceremony, the ideal is to have a Mass - which would be indoors.

I know. I know. I went through the whole marriage planning crisis stuff myself. The key is not to get too wrapped up about ANY detail. Keep focused on the goal: marriage, life-long commitment that starts there, but isn't made there - it's made now, every moment of life.

So if the photographer messes up, well that's sad but not the end of the world. If it rains and you're forced inside, that's sad, but it's not the ruination of everything.

You've got to remember that the sacrament, the covenant of marriage means that each of you is making a pact with God to love the other one unconditionally. This pact sure is helped when surrounded with prayers and worship not just pretty flowers and dresses.

I guarantee that if you focus on the love and important issues the garden or church, weather or mistakes won't weigh so much on your nerves.

God bless

-- Joe Stong (, January 23, 2003.

Melanie, Many graces are received during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass; where the priest re-presents to the Father Christ's offering of Himself for us on Calvary. This is why your fiance's parents feels so strongly in favor of a Catholic Mass wedding. It involves much more in addition to the exchanging of vows. There is also a special blessing upon the bride, a Catholic blessing which can only be bestowed on a person once in her life; at her Nuptial Mass. I don't know if you must be Catholic to receive this powerful blessing. I am both a Roman Catholic, and a wedding consultant, and I know this is a time when couples can become very stressed, as they have their hearts set on things and often have to let go of some of these desires. Even if you have no intention of converting to Catholicism, you will be asked to take vows which uphold your spouse's Faith, such as accepting all the children the Lord wishes to send you, and permitting your children to be raised in the Faith. These are very important considerations, which should be agreed upon by the couple well in advance. You do not want to stand at the altar and say "I do," when you are really thinking, "No Way." That would be lying to God, and you would be robbing your marriage of God's blessing and graces! As for an outdoor ceremony, have you thought of an outdoor reception? Huge tents can be rented and decorated ornately, and all the guests can enjoy the outdoors in a more carefree fashion, after the solemn ceremony has ended. At some of "my" weddings, the couples have had the bar outside at a poolside or garden, while the meal is served indoors. The sky is the limit. Best wishes to you and your fiance. Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (, January 23, 2003.

I'd also like to say that it is a testament as to how much you care for your fiance, his Faith, and his family, that you would seek out the opinions of members of his Church. How thoughtful of you. I hope the both of you pray together often. Then, you will really grow in God's Love! Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (, January 24, 2003.

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