What can I do about guilt even after confession?

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I went to confession Saturday and was given Absolution for my sins I confessed....I still fell guilt for my actions even though I confessed to them.....What can I do to rid the guilt?...Thanks and Peace be with you always...Jacob

-- Jacob (Flake777@hotmail.com), January 20, 2003

Answers

For starters, you can take a little of your own advice:

All will be ok, remember the Lord loves his children forever and always..."Confess with your mouth and you shall be forgiven"....

Also, there's nothing saying we can't do extra pennance for our past sins, even if you have done the pennance the priest gave you.

Missed Mass on Sunday? Find time to go to an extra Mass during the week! Read a bad book? Do an hour of spiritual reading! Be creative. God will never let your prayers go to waste.

-- jake (jake1@pngusa.net), January 20, 2003.


We have to deal with our feelings by looking at the facts. Facts are what our faith is based upon, not feelings. A lingering consciousness of the guilt that was involved in your sin is not necessarily a bad thing; the memory of that former guilt may well help you in avoiding returning to that same state in the future. However, if by guilt you mean a lingering sense of doubt that you are truly and completely forgiven, then you need to look at the facts, and ask God to give you greater faith in the acceptance of those revealed facts, and also ask God to help you forgive yourself as completely as He has forgiven you. The principle fact here is that Jesus told His priests "whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven them". The only way you could not be completely forgiven after a sincere confession would be that Jesus lied, or was mistaken. We know for a fact that neither of these can be true.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 20, 2003.

Wellcome Jacob! Not to take us off the record, but...

Do you ever go by Jake? That would make three of us! Wow. We've beat the record, I think.

Jake-msn, do you go by Jacob at all?

My family calls me Jacob, but most of my friends call me Jake.

Okay, back on the topic -

Sometimes, like yesterday, the Priest gives me too light of a penance in my mind. That is the only time I feel guilty. What I do to make sure God knows I'm sorry is to increase my penance. Like if he tells me to say 5 Hail Mary's, I'll say 10.

Of course this is absolutly not necessary, once the priest absolves you, you can be sure God has forgiven you. But it helps me, because it is a personal proof to God that I really am sorry.

Good to have you hear, Jacob. Please stay and snoop around.

In Christ.

-- Jake Huether (jake_huether@yahoo.com), January 20, 2003.


Dear Jacob, go to a concordance, and look up all the bible references on how we are forgiven, there are many in the first letter of John towards the back of the bible, print them all out, and read them out loud, repeatedly. Let that truth about His love and mercy soak into your deepest being. Theresa

-- Theresa (Rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), January 20, 2003.

Jake-msn, do you go by Jacob at all?

Never, since Jake is not my real name! It is, however, my real nickname. My real first name is James, but my closest friends have called me Jake since high school.

-- jake (jake1@pngusa.net), January 20, 2003.



Hi Jake. I want you to know that whenever you confess your sins to the Lord, He is faithful to forgive you and cleanse you. It is the enemy, Satan, the accuser of the bretheren who attacks our mind and emotions. Satan is a deceiver and tries to fool us that we are not really forgiven or saved. Pay no attention to him, go about your merry way, you can tell him "Satan, your destiny is the lake of fire, mine is the new jerusalem, adios !"

God bless u.
8-)

-- Oliver Fischer (spicenut@excite.com), January 20, 2003.


Dear Jake,

Listen to all of the posters who have responded to you. They are all right in what they say.

I especially like what Oliver has to say. Satan does not want you to have peace. He wants you to doubt what Our Lord has told us and he wants you to be down on yourself.

If you are truly sorry for the sins you have committed, God knows that and has forgiven you. He does not want us to walk around with the burden of guilt on us. Yes, guilt serves its purpose. It helps remind us of our sinful behavior, but hanging on to the guilt and feeling bad about yourself serves no purpose except to make Satan happy. Satan will do anything to take your peace away - especially the peace of a soul that has been cleansed by confession.

Please read the passages Theresa has told you about and may you find peace in your heart, soul and mind. Ask Jesus to enter your heart, your soul and your mind. Ask Him to deliver you from this guilt. He will.

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 20, 2003.


Jake, another thing you may want to do, (if you can) is to attend an extra daily mass during the week and offer up that mass for your sins and sorrow over them. When you receive the Eucharist, ask Our Lord to remove the burden of guilt from you. ml

-- MaryLu (mlc3237@juno.com), January 20, 2003.

Speaking of confession, how does a priest decide what penance to give?

How does he decide if we should be given ten Hail Marys or a whole rosary? Personally, I think penances should be a little more severe than ten Hail Marys. Perhaps we should be told to make a sacrifice of our time for the needy, or stay off the computer for a day or two (ugh, not sure about that one :) ) Whatever, there are many ways we can add to the penance ourselves, but coming from our confessor we would 'have to do it.' ml

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 20, 2003.


Speaking of confession, how does a priest decide what penance to give?

Far as I know, it's up to the individual priest's discretion; and has a lot to do with his formation & years of experience.

there are many ways we can add to the penance ourselves, but coming from our confessor we would 'have to do it.' ml

As pleased as we know our Heavenly Father is with us saying the pennance the priest gives us; imagine how much more He must be pleased by a gift given freely; not out of fear of punishment but out of pure, child-like love. Being a father of small children, I can say without a moment's hesitation that I would rather have one unsolicited construction paper-and-crayon portrait of myself than, say, a new tie (much as I may need a few new ties!) as a gift, because the giver put his/her little heart into making it, and hoped so much that it would make me happy.

On the flipside, on the subject of fatherhood, during the times when the kids are screaming & whining & carrying on, it helps a great deal to realize that this is what we must seem like to God most of the time!

-- jake (jake1@pngusa.net), January 20, 2003.



On the flipside, on the subject of fatherhood, during the times when the kids are screaming & whining & carrying on, it helps a great deal to realize that this is what we must seem like to God most of the time!---------

I was just thinking about that the other day. There's a poem about hanging it on the cross. I thought how I do that all the time. When things get to be too much, I just give it to God because I know He can handle it better than I can. But I couldn't help but wonder if He ever gets tired of it. I'm just one person. But if EVERYONE did that...oh my. I know He's God..He can handle anything that gets thrown at Him but sometimes, I keep it to myself so as not to overload Him.

-- Jackiea (sorry@dontlikespam.com), January 21, 2003.


Jacob, When I was PC (Pre-Catholic), I committed a sin that was unforgivable. To me, anyways. I lived with the guilt and pain for a very long time. After I became Catholic, I went to Confession and told the priest what I had done. I cried and cried and in the end, he saw how great my guilt was and how truly sorry I was for what I had done. The penance he gave me? None. He told me I had done my own penance for too long and it was time to let it go. The guilt eased a little but not entirely. It's hard to forgive yourself, Jacob. It's hard to think of something so horrible that you did and you think, how can God possibly forgive me for that when I can't even forgive myself??? But He's our Father. And it's just something we have to trust. That He really DOES forgive us. It took me a while and yes, I still feel the guilt from time to time but I know in my heart that it is in the past and God loves me.

Learn to trust like a child, Jacob. Know and believe in your heart that God forgives you. And learn to forgive yourself. Tell yourself "I forgive you". Don't let it eat at you and rule your life. God wouldn't want it that way. Perhaps you could do something to make up for it. If you stole something, for example, give to the poor. If you slighted someone, do something nice for them. Resolve not to commit the sin again and be done with it. You're only human, Jacob. God knows that.

Good luck and God bless you~

-- Jackiea (sorry@dontlikespam.com), January 21, 2003.


Hi Jackiea,

That was such a beautiful response. You know how to touch people's hearts, Jackiea. I do hope Jacob listens to whate everyone here has told him. I pray that he may find peace of mind. It is a terrible state to be in, to become a prisoner of our past sins and burdened with guilt.

Jacob, perhaps it would help you if you went back to the confessional and told the priest how you are feeling - maybe he will say something to you that will make you feel differently.

May God Bless you with peace.

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 21, 2003.


I cried and cried and in the end, he saw how great my guilt was and how truly sorry I was for what I had done.

That's called perfect contrition, and the Church teaches us that your sin was forgiven in that moment, even before sacramental absolution was given. It's a great grace to have experienced it. It's a free gift from God Himself. Be sure to thank Him for it. And than you, Jackiea, for sharing that with us.

He's our Father. And it's just something we have to trust. That He really DOES forgive us...

...and not only does He forgive us, He waits impatiently at the door of our hearts for our return, and when He sees us coming "from afar off," He runs out to meet us and embrace us. "Put a ring on his finger and a robe on his back." "Kill the fatted calf!" Prepare a Heavenly celebration, for he who was lost has been found; "he who was thought to be dead has returned to Me alive."

That's the kind of Father we have.

-- jake (jake1@pngusa.net), January 21, 2003.


Jacob, there are sins that trascend repentance like killing another human being, abortion, practicing homosexuality, incest, pedophilia, and so on, for which, even saying I am sorry is not enough. In the books of Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy people had to buy animals to expiate for sin. In the new Testament Jesus death opened up heaven for the forgiveness of more for sins of this magnitude. Yet, simply confessing will not alleviate the sin. Sometimes there is a reparation. In the old law, which is still true for us, if you still, you have to repay. Remember Zacheus how he repaid what he had stolen? That is why Jesus said salvation had entered his house. Not only did he repent, but he did something about it. Just confessing won't do. Action is needed. Remember Jesus stressed helping others. That is true repentance. If you killed or aborted, helping and donating every month a charity which helps innocents from starvation will help your conscience.

-- Elpidio gonzalez (egonzalez@srla.org), January 21, 2003.


I have to disagree with the poster who implied that the sacrament of reconciliation is "not enough"..of course it is! Whatever sins a person confesses with a contrite heart;outright murder, all the "biggies" are forgiven..that is why we have the sacrament.What would be the difference please, if any sin were not forgiven? To leave the confessional with a sense that in addition to confessing your sin, receiving the absolution of the priest, and doing the penance, there is "something else" needed undermines the grace given by the sacrament itself..as if God's grace weren't good enough? Do some sins have such a price tag on them that the sacrament doesn't "take"? The church doesn't teach this. If a person still feels guilty after receiving the sacrament, then the person has not forgiven themselves..this requires MORE FAITH, not more forgiveness from God.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 21, 2003.

There are some cases where action must be taken besides confession, the most obvious example being sins of theft, where the stolen property must be returned, or just compensation made to the owner. Failure to do so is an indication of insincerity of repentance, and therefore renders the confession invalid. Another example would be sins of slander which damaged the reputation of another person. It is necessary not only to confess such a sin, but also to take whatever steps are possible to reverse or minimize the damage inflicted.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 21, 2003.

Thanks Paul, I wasn't thinking of those..of course you are right. I was referring to the poster above me who was saying that in cases of abortion, murder, homosexuality, etc. that a contrite confession, forgiveness of the priest, and penance was somehow inadequate.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003.

I have never heard a priest say that in the confessional. I thought once you 'sincerely' confessed your sins, never committed those sins again, you were completely absolved from them.

Now, I have to worry about whether or not I am completely absolved from my sins?? Oh, dear....

ML

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 22, 2003.


Jacob, I think it is a natural human emotion to still feel guilty for what we have done, even though we know God has forgiven us! It isn't lack of Faith in His forgiveness, it is the fact that we are so sorry for having offended such a forgiving God in the first place! The best way to overcome the feeling of guilt, I believe, is to really develop a firm purpose of ammendment, a plan that no matter what, this sin will not stain your soul ever again! With that resolve, although you will always regret having committed it, you will be able to forgive yourself for the offense which God has already forgiven--and forgotten! (Satan also likes to taunt people with their past sins...If you find you can't let it go, renounce him and repeat the Holy Name of Jesus!) Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), January 23, 2003.

I also am in disagreement that extra works need to be performed outside of perfect contrition, confessing, doing the penance prescribed by the confessor, and having a firm purpose of ammendment. To say that after receiving the Sacrament of Penance and meeting the criteria for absolution, the penitant must do some "extra" to obtain forgiveness doesn't seem to gel with anything I've read in the Catechism. I could be wrong, but why would Jesus institute a Sacrament of healing and forgiveness if somehow it would be incomplete? Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), January 23, 2003.

Dear David,

It is not "up to the priest". It is up to the Magisterium of the Church, and the priest is bound to follow the rules, just as we are. Receiving absolution through sacramental confession requires sincere repentence on the part of the person confessing. If I am going to confession, this is up to ME, not up to the priest. If I lack a repentent heart, but con the priest into thinking I am truly repentent, he may say the words of absolution, but they have no effect. The sacrament is invalid. My sins are NOT forgiven. In the examples I mentioned in my post above, making restitution for the damage I inflicted is an essential element of genuine repentence, without which I cannot receive absolution, regardless of what the priest said during my invalid confession.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 23, 2003.


If the person was not sincere in his confession, why would he/she even bother to confess? That does not really make sense. I guess there are people who make insincere confessions out of fear, or poor preparation, etc...or for whatever reason.

They must know that God is listening and 'knows' if the confession was sincere or not.

I wonder if the priest, after having so many years of experience, can 'sense' when someone is not making a good confession, or a sincere confession. And, if so, I suppose a good priest would encourage that person to better next time.

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 23, 2003.


MaryLu writes:

"I wonder if the priest, after having so many years of experience, can 'sense' when someone is not making a good confession, or a sincere confession."

I thought of (Saint) Padre Pio when I saw you mention this. It's a rare gift to see into the hearts of penitents; but the Holy Spirit gave this gift to Padre Pio. From EWTN.com's Padre Pio pages:

"To this task [of being a confessor] he brought an advantage that few confessors have, the ability to read hearts. Padre Pio's charism enabled him to know when someone was being deceitful in confession or simply had forgotten a serious sin, perhaps through lack of an adequate examination of conscience. In such cases he was able to tel the penitent exactly what they did and when, as well as any relevant circumstances. This drew many hundreds a day to him, moved by the grace of sincere repentance and the knowledge that Padre Pio could guide them with the wisdom of God in the spiritual life."

God bless you,

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), January 23, 2003.


Hello Mateo,

Yes, Padre Pio (St. Pio, now) did have that gift and sent many away from the confessional until they were ready to give a sincere, honest confession.

It's too bad all priests do not have that gift. I wonder if any priests today do have that gift. Do you know of any, Mateo?

I must say, even at my age, after having gone to confession for many years...I still get so nervous when I have to go. I do dread going, but always feel so good after I do.

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 23, 2003.


Hi MaryLu,

I haven't met a priest with a gift similar to St. Pio's ability to see into a penitent's heart. I have to admit, I'd be a little bit scared of what a priest like that would find in me! :-)

Anyway, I have to agree with you that I have the same nervousness before and relief after each confession. It's a powerful source of God's grace.

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), January 24, 2003.


Regarding restitution, I think there are instances when this would be impossible. Let's say an employee embezzled from his company, for instance. The company went bankrupt, and the employee was left unemployed for a long time. After living a life of poverty, where he truly learned that God was Lord of his life and not the "almighty buck," he sought out a priest to confess his past theft. However, the company now defunct and he destitute, would be unable to make restitution. His contrition could still be sincere, and his sins would be validly absolved by the priest. Regarding nervousness before confession, I think that is just the discomfort we feel at "stripping ourselves down." I would teach my children when preparing for first penance, that the confessional is like a spiritual shower. If we didn't shower frequently, our bodies would get very dirty! We need to shower spiritually, too, so Jesus gave us the confessional. We have to "strip down"...remove all those layers and coverings and take a good look at our own stained, naked souls. (That's the hard part) Then, when we confess our sins with true contrition and a firm purpose of ammendment, the priest is able to give us the "soap and water" penance and prayers of absolution, to clean our souls. Then we leave, feeling all fresh and clean, and resolving not to get so soiled again so soon. (Then, I step outside and slip in the mud.) Pax Christi

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), January 24, 2003.

If something is impossible, it is impossible. However, the mere fact of the company no longer being in operation would not in itself free the person from making restitution. He could do so by contributing to an appropriate charity. If the person has become destitute since the time of the crime/sin, then he probably could not make restitution financially. He might be able to do so through some type of service. Otherwise in Purgatory. In any case, if we have damaged another person by our sin, we are bound not only to confess the sin, but also to undo the damage to whatever extent is reasonably possible. Otherwise, theft would be a pretty good deal. Steal a car, confess the sin, and then enjoy my new car.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 24, 2003.

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