http://www.boston.com/news/daily/13/odds_ebay.htm

Writer tries to sell family on eBay By Associated Press, 01/13/03

LOS ANGELES -- Writer Steve Young may be able to peddle his prose, but when it came to selling his family, the father of two couldn't cash in on the $5 million offer.

After reading about the online sale of a struggling town in Humboldt County, Young decided to put his wife and kids on the auction block.

"If a town could be sold online, then how much could you get for a family?" Young said.

After consulting with wife Diana, and their two children, Kelly, 9, and Casey, 8, Young said he posted the ad Thursday on eBay and received more than 10,000 hits within minutes.

But when eBay operators heard about the auction early Friday, they yanked the ad, saying it is against company policy to sell human beings.

"People have tried to sell themselves five or six times over the past four or five years," said eBay spokesman Kevin Pursglove. "There have been attempts to sell their nephew, uncle, wife, whoever is in the doghouse at the time. They've even tried to sell their soul."

Young said the auction winner would receive a lifetime of platonic companionship, including invitations to family outings and holiday gatherings as well as tips on writing, gardening and cooking. The minimum bid was $5 million.

The family was willing to relocate anywhere, and the elder Youngs would change their surname.

"You have patrons of the arts, museums and charities. I wanted a patron for my family," he said.

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

Answers

Are you saying you'd like to be auctioned off, Brooks???

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

Why not! I'm sure I could bring a very high price!

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

give her a cigar and let her stand by the door to Grannie's Panties.

LOL

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

Hmm. Do you do windows? I mean glass ones, not Microsnot ones.

When I was involved in things British in New Orleans, I once organized a Village Fete to raise money for the British Olympics Association. One of the draws was a visiting Royal Navy ship frigate (which leads you to believe that the date of the fete was no coincidence, and you would be right). Anyway, I organized an auction of some of the sailors, teehee, where the winning bid would get the sailor and he would do what she wanted, even if that included scrubbing floors. Well, it was supposed to be a joke and one fellah was thrilled when this foxy little number outbid everyone else for him. Thing is, he ended up scrubbing her floors, loloilololol! He was surpisingly good-humored about it. (The others were taken out to dinner, to a party, or whatever. Don't ask about the whatever.)

One of the other hilarious things about the fete is the sailors brought their own slot machine. It was a huge board supported by a table, three square holes cut in it. Three sailors sat behind it with various fruits and vegetables--cabbages, carrots, apples, etc., which were held in front of the holes, as a slot machine would display symbols. One sailor sat off to the side, holding a stick about the circumference of a closet rod. People put a quarter in a sloted box and pulled on the lever. The seated sailor (who couldn't see the fruits and veg) would call out "STOP!" when he thought it was time. The only people who won were little kids, lol, although there was one case where they showed three cabbages by mistake--one of the guys immediately shouted "Malfunction!" (Think Monty Python.)

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

A pox on that OUCH! screen!

Also, Vicars and Tarts parties were popular in England at the time. Very funny, fellers dressing up as vicars (mostly, although you could expect a few in tart drag) and the women dressing up as tarts. Well, several of the midshipmen turned up at the fete dressed as vicars looking for tarts, lol!!!

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

Hmmm. I wonder if I could find a geeky husband that way. I'd give him all the Twinkies he could eat and his own phone line.

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003

Well, hell, Meems, that's how I snagged Sweetie, lolololol!

-- Anonymous, January 13, 2003