I separated from my husband a while back and was subsequently in a relationship with a man who, like me, is a devout Catholic. Although we continued to attend Mass we did not receive the Eucharist. We've recently finished the relationship, one of the major factors being our faith and desire to once again be able to receive the Risen Jesus in the Eucharist. Today I went to the Sacrament of Penance. I have a firm purpose of amendment and intend to remain celibate. The visiting priest at first refused to give me absolution saying that if I would not reconcile with my husband then I would have to see the Parish Priest and get a 'certificate of separation' and then the Parish Priest would absolve me from my sins. I was shocked at this, and to be honest I was distraught. I had thought that me being repentant and truly not intending to comit this sin again was what was necessary for forgiveness and absolution. As I work full-time for the Church at Diocesan Level I could not bring myself to go to one of the priests that I know on a personal level. I was leaving the confessional box in tears when he called me back and said ok I will absolve you then. Am I really absolved? Is this valid? I don't want to offend God anymore by receiving Jesus in the Eucharist if the priest only absolved me because of me being upset. I would be grateful for any advice. Thanks.

-- (caritas.christi@btopenworld.com), January 06, 2003

Answers

If the priest said you are absolved, then you are absolved, as long as you have done the penance that he gave you. Go ahead and receive the Eucharist and if you are still concerned, go to another priest that you trust and discuss it with him.

But once again, if he pronounced the words "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," then you are clean! God bless.

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), January 06, 2003.

The only consideration that would authorize a priest to take such action would be overt evidence of lack of contrition, that is, lack of genuine repentance. It certainly doesn't seem like that applied here. Separation from your husband was not even part of the sin you were confessing. I believe this priest was in error, though probably with good intentions. In any case, he apparently realized that in time to avert possible further damage. He gave you absolution, which in the final analysis is the whole story. "Whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven them" (even if you do put someone through the wringer first).

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 06, 2003.

Paul, I have never even heard of a "certificate of separation," in almost twenty years of experience with matters in this area. In your experience as a deacon, have you heard of such a document? If so, under what circumstances (and from whom) must it be obtained? Is it possible that it is something that was required under the old (pre-1983) Code of Canon Law -- meaning that the priest in question is not up-to-date? If he is not well enough educated, I would think that "caritas.christi," as a church employee, would do this priest (and especially his parish) a favor to inform him of the facts -- perhaps through another priest or the bishop, rather than directly.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), January 06, 2003.

Dear Jonh,

No, I have never heard of that either.

Paul

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 06, 2003.

CANON LAW GRANT A SPOUSE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR A SPERATION. SEE BELOW. PLEASE NOT THAT I'M NOT SURE OF THE PROPER FORM. ALSO, THE EXAMPLE BELOW IS JUST AN EXAMPLE, I'M NOT SURE IF THERE ARE OTHER REASONS FOR WHICH A SEPERATION MAY BE ASKED.

ARTICLE 2: SEPARATION WHILE THE BOND REMAINS

Can. 1151 Spouses have the obligation and the right to maintain their common conjugal life, unless a lawful reason excuses them.

Can. 1152 §1 It is earnestly recommended that a spouse, motivated by christian charity and solicitous for the good of the family, should not refuse to pardon an adulterous partner and should not sunder the conjugal life. Nevertheless, if that spouse has not either expressly or tacitly condoned the other's fault, he or she has the right to sever the common conjugal life, provided he or she has not consented to the adultery, nor been the cause of it, nor also committed adultery.

§2 Tacit condonation occurs if the innocent spouse, after becoming aware of the adultery, has willingly engaged in a marital relationship with the other spouse; it is presumed, however, if the innocent spouse has maintained the common conjugal life for six months, and has not had recourse to ecclesiastical or to civil authority.

§3 Within six months of having spontaneously terminated the common conjugal life, the innocent spouse is to bring a case for separation to the competent ecclesiastical authority. Having examined all the circumstances, this authority is to consider whether the innocent spouse can be brought to condone the fault and not prolong the separation permanently.

-- john placette (jplacette@catholic.org), January 07, 2003.

2 of 2

Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.

§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.

Can. 1154 When a separation of spouses has taken place, provision is always, and in good time, to be made for the due maintenance and upbringing of the children.

Can. 1155 The innocent spouse may laudably readmit the other spouse to the conjugal life, in which case he or she renounces the right to separation.

HOPE THIS HELPS. GOD BLESS

-- john placette (jplacette@catholic.org), January 07, 2003.

Thank you all for your responses to the query I posted the other day regarding absolution and the priest telling me I needed to get a Certificate of Separation. After having read your responses and speaking to someone about this I went to Mass today and did receive the Eucharist. When I think of my experience now I'm convinced that the Holy Spirit offered him some guidance, hence him calling me back to the confessional box. I know the Church has rules that we're bound to obey. However, I don't think Jesus put a piece of paper in front of the woman and asked her to sign it before he said 'neither do I condemn you......go away and from this moment sin no more'. The Lord is Compasson and Love: slow to anger and rich in mercy!

Caritas Christi Urget Nos........the love of Christ urges us on.

May God bless you all

-- (caritas.christi@btopenworld.com), January 08, 2003.