I don't know when it became the received wisdom that the female of our species is more complex than the male. Men's magazines are full of articles attempting to deconstruct the female psyche. Freud struggled for quite some time with the question of what women want. He needn't have troubled. We're as predictable as men most of the time.

As sure as most men, no matter how hard they try, can't help liking Kylie, sport and statistics, most women like pointless, impractical, beautiful presents. If they're expensive, all the better. I defy any man to go into his local branch of Prada or Tiffany, buy the least useful thing he can find, present it to the missus for Christmas and not have her falling in love with him all over again.

But here are a few specific suggestions. (Ladies, cut this column out and bury it in the sports section.). If you really have no clue, you can never, ever, go wrong with Chanel. Not for nothing is Chanel No 5 the world's best-selling scent. It smells slightly different on everyone but it is always sophisticated and subtle.

Less obvious and more frivolous than perfume or eau de toilette (from £36.50) are the body lotion (£28) and the bath oil (£25). For a young woman, Cristalle is a fresher, more innocent fragrance (from £28). The truly fashionable choose No 19, which was Coco's own perfume. {Hmm. I didn't know that. It's my favorite, ever since a French sailor gave me some about 20 years ago. I have Coco too.] For stockists, call 020 7493 3836.

For someone fashionable almost anything from the BeneFit range would suit (01245 347138). The 1940s-influenced, slightly kitsch packaging is appropriate for a woman who likes a little irony in her make-up bag. I love the Glamourette (£32.50) three-in-one compact, lipstick and rouge.

If your girlfriend/partner is a bit of a Champagne hippy, E'spa is her brand (01252 741600). The company uses only the best aromatherapy oils in its products, and the packaging is suitably posh. They have some great gift boxes, the sweetest of which is the De-stressing kit (£25) which has a soothing bath oil, sea salts and a tea candle, festively infused with frankincense and myrrh.

Aveda (020 7297 6350) is another good brand for the slightly new-age woman. The products are pricy and ecologically sound. I love its right-on, yet reassuringly expensive, beauty hampers, such as "Invitation to Dream" (£75), containing lavender-infused goodies, from a relaxing eye mask to a soothing scented candle.

Make-up junkies love MAC, a favourite brand with professionals (020 7534 9222). The Lipglass Stain Petites (£20) are great stocking-fillers. Clinique (01730 232566) has a similarly sweet pack of dinky lipglosses, called Holiday Kisses (£19.50), with five colours that would suit all complexions. Chanel's Les Perles (£28; as before) is a chunky box of pearlised shades that can be used on the eyes and cheeks.

For obvious reasons, I would not advise giving a woman an anti-ageing product for Christmas, but there may be one exception. In the few weeks that I've been writing this column, almost every woman I know has asked: "Is there any chance you could get me some free Creme de la Mer?" I cannot bear to conclude that my friends are greedy and superficial, so it must be that most women would love a pot of the magic moisturiser (from £75; 01730 232566). {What?! 75 pounds? Heavens to Murgatroyd, that's about $110!]

If I could have any beauty gift at all, it would have to come in a big cream box with a black bow: the signature packaging of beauty guru Jo Malone. You can spend a two- or a three-figure sum (go on) on a customised box to include scent, candles and bath oils (my favourite), all nestling in lime-scented straw. You can even call Malone's team of experts for advice on which scent to choose and have it delivered (020 7720 0202). Tell her Madonna uses it. I promise she will be impressed.

[And you can always check out Big Lots--they have a good assortment of smellies and oilies at this time of year, and not at three-figure prices, either--almost all under 20 bucks.]

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2002