Humor: Lott Begs Jesse Jackson for Forgiveness

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December 18, 2002 10:30 a.m.

A parody.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, Trent Lott continued his quest to politically rehabilitate himself by appearing on Jesse Jackson's CNN television show and endorsing "reparations for all African Americans to pay for the sins of slavery." Lott, who is hoping to hold onto his perch of power as Republican Senate Majority Leader, suggested that every American with "even a drop of African blood" should be paid $10,000 from the federal government to start the healing process."

When Jackson asked how this $250 billion program should be paid for, he said that he endorsed a 20 percent "white-millionaire income-tax surcharge." Jackson immediately endorsed the idea and said that this would be a good first step toward Lott's political recovery.

Two days ago on Black Entertainment TV, Lott endorsed affirmative-action policies to help minorities, but in this interview, Lott went much further in trying to demonstrate his sensitivity to blacks.

At times the interview between Jackson and Lott became a love-fest and the Mississippi senator was contrite throughout. The Senate Majority Leader said that he has never told anyone this before, but in 1988 he had voted for Jackson for president. He said that it is time for America to have an African-American president and that he thought that Reverend Al Sharpton of New York would make an excellent commander-in-chief.

In their far-ranging and often emotional discussion, Lott also suggested that the death penalty should be abolished and that Ebonics should be required curriculum in the public schools "to promote cultural and language understanding."

When Jackson asked Lott if their were things he has done in Congress that he wishes he could reverse, Lott said that he believes the 1996 welfare-reform law "was a major policy mistake because of its disproportionate burden on inner-city African Americans and Latinos. We should be raising welfare benefits," Lott volunteered. "We shouldn't be cutting them back."

When Jackson asked Lott why Republicans are such racists, Lott shook his head and said that he "personally knows 25 other Republican senators who hold prejudiced views toward minorities. It is inherent in our party, Jesse."

Lott also said that he would introduce legislation to require Augusta National Country Club, the site of the Masters Golf Tournament, to turn all of its white male memberships for the next 25 years over to African-American women, the group in America that is "by far the most discriminated against."

At the end of the interview Lott appeared to be overcome with emotion. He threw his arms around Jackson and with misty eyes pleaded: "Reverend, can you please forgive me for my racial insensitivity, my sexism, my insensitivity to gays and lesbians, my endorsement of Republican policies that have helped rape the environment?"

Jackson said that he would "think about it."

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2002


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