Over the Fence Chat Dec. 8 -14 2002

greenspun.com : LUSENET : Beyond the Sidewalks : One Thread

Guess I'll give this a start and see what happens. I haven't posted much lately because I've been burned out on writing. I have a lot of projects at work right now and I'm also writing the text for my business website. My friend Jeani put together the layout and the graphics and she did a fantastic job. I'm so grateful to have a friend who understands all this web design stuff and will barter for massages! The site is still under construction (translation: I need to get off my butt and finish writing the text) but if you want to check it out, it's at Sage Woman Healing Arts

I got my Christmas/Yule shopping finished this weekend. Thank goodness for mail order! I got the gifts for nieces and nephew from the Discovery channel website and I'm having them delivered to my other sister's house, she's going to wrap them and put them under the tree for me. How easy is that?! I did have to go to a store on Saturday to pick up a couple things for the Yule gift exchange we're doing with our group, and who should I bump into but my very good friend Jim's soon-to-be ex-wife. I don't have any problems with her but she hasn't liked me since Day 1 and is always saying things about me behind my back, but she was sweet as could be to my face. People are so funny.

I do have some other news but I'm going to put it in the Healthy Living thread.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002


Sherri, I'll have to check out your website. I bet it's good. I could sure use a massage about now.

I'm not in a holiday mood at all. As a matter of fact this has been the worst holiday season in my life so far. We went away for Thanksgiving and while we were there someone stole money from us. What a bummer because it had to be a family member. Then we returned home and proceeded to get on with things when my oldest daughter and I got into a horrible arguement (which is fairly typical with the exception of her punching me in the mouth). I packed her up right then and took her to a relative's to live. A few days later I was packing up the rest of her things and found evidence that she has done nothing but lie to me and betray me for the past 2 years. I mean just plain bold faced lies. I also found out that young adult relatives I trusted in our family have contributed to all of this. I found out the school she was in before we began to homeschool didn't report certain things to me which they should have. I also found that a close friend's mother was not supervising when she was supposed to be there. My daughter has carried on a sexual relationship with her friend's brother there on her visits over the past 2 years. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's more that I won't even get into. I am furious and just sick about all of this.

The irony is that I have talked to her frankly numerous times about sex, drugs, alcohol, and such. I thought we were having really good conversations and really speaking from the heart when in fact she was only telling me what I wanted to hear and lying all the while. I guess we really didn't have any relationship at all. I set guidelines and curfews (which she followed therefore not sending up any red flags), checked to make sure parents would be there or that trusted family members would be there. THEY ALL LIED! She also claimed the whole time that I didn't trust her enough. That I should be giving her more freedom. Isn't that wierd?

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't bum you out with my stuff. I hope you all are having a good holiday season. I really, truly do. I mean it!

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002

Oh my gosh Denise, that really, really, really sucks! It made me teary just reading it. I don't even know what else to say, so I'll just send lots of loving energy in your direction. {{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs for you!}}}}}}}}}}}}

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002

Gee Denise, I hope things work out for you. You still have a couple weeks until the holiday. We're all here for you.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, Denise. I have no parenting skills, so have nothing to offer in the way of advice . . . At least that means you don't have to listen to it! I don't know how I would deal with that much betrayal from so many different people. I hope you find a way, and that things get better for you.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002

My computer is acting strangely after I downloaded an "update". So, if I disappear for awhile, it may be that my computer won't let me get online.

-- Anonymous, December 12, 2002

Thanks guys.It's been difficult. I'm glad I have you all to listen.

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2002

Well, Denise, I really am at a loss here as to how to comfort you; I cannot even imagine what you must be going through. I sure wish you were closer so I could come visit with you and give you some support in whatever lame way I can. Please feel my heartfelt sympathy, and know that my prayers are with you and your family.

I do know that if it were me, I would get me and my daughter to a counselor right away; I hope you haven't given up on her or your relationship. Sounds like she is crying for help for some reason, and it would be a good thing to have an objective, experienced party to help you sort out what went wrong and how to make it better.

I dunno what to say about your relatives; geez that is a kick in the stomach. I cannot abide lying either; it makes us completely lose touch with reality. Have you spoken to them about this yet?

We humans are so complicated, ya know?

I am very very sorry for what you are going through, Denise.


-- Anonymous, December 13, 2002

Thanks, EM. You are probably right about the couseling. But I have to say I'm exhausted on this one. I don't have the financial means to go and it didn't seem to help when we went before. The psychologist said she really didn't want to change. That further therapy wouldn't help until she was ready to look at things differently or she saw the benefit in it for her. I've struggled with this child from the time she was small and I just don't think I have the energy to devote to this child anymore when I have 3 others which are happy and need me also. I almost wonder if this and all her other challenging ways was her way of diverting my attention away from the others albeit in a negative way. I'm tired of trying to figure out how to make things OK for this child. A friend told me that once a kid reaches the age of 13 it's like they go out onto the whitewater rapids in a canoe alone. I can watch from the shore, but there just isn't a thing I can do but wait to meet her down river and hope she doesn't get lost on the way. That's the philosophy I'm going with right now. I think that this move has actually turned out to be a good thing for everyone else. The mood of our home seems brighter and we seem to be more productive lately. I almost believe I had a psychic vampire living among us. I know that may sound like weird concept to some. But what I mean is that she just seemed to suck all the energy out of the people around her.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2002

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