how can i help someone i know is being seriously abused : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread

i live in NY. my aunt lives in england, London. she is married to a well a psycho for lack of a better word. he hits her well whenever, yells at all the little things, abuses her calls her stupid infront of everyone, almost like daily. if she isn't abused its a good day. i visited her last summer aftre many years, i remmebr her as a very viberant happy, just a very lively creative person, one of my favorite persons i grew up around as a child. in any event, she has a brother and two sisters in london, but all our relatives live very far rom her, every one knows about the abuse, and they are sad, but no one does anything, claiming and well its kinda true if anyone tries it will be worse for her - even she says no pleese don't say anything, she visited us a little while back, her kids are quite - she has three kids, he hit her b/c when she came back from the hospital after having her youngest daughter b/c she had a daugher, - like according to my mom beat her to the ground, my mom cries about it, prays the guy bruns in hell, and just listens, and comforts her howver she can, this seems to be the family attitude, just listen that is it.

the thing is - the reason why everyone says they r so passive is one b/c he will abuse her more if he finds out, he keeps her at home, her emails, her mail anyone she talks to gets checked, sometimes the birthday cards we send her - well he opens them and sumtimes just rips them in half, secondly everyone says well she has three kids all very young and incredibly time consuming. i mean she is alwys driving them around from one place to another, she says she tries to take the abuse so he doesn't hurt the kids, - i thik he is already hurting the kids, thier little daughetr the youngest one doesn't want to be a girl, the boy likes to fight alot, and the eldest one also a girl- writes to my mom saying can we move with you. its been going on well since she was married- everyone says well she's got kids whats she going to do, i don't think she has much experience working i think a college degree- got married young, the guy came off really nice no one had a clue until later. he's much older then her as well. mostly i remember her as a painter - and an amazing one at that, but i don't know if she will be able to sell that - i mean if she leaves him where does she go- its true her kids will be safer but wat about thier schooling etc, who pays to run the house, i think thats his control element, plus she was very skinny like bone skinny when she got married, no she is incredibly incredibly large- unhealthy fat - i think b/c she can take the beating better with the extra wieght- thats why uncounsciuosly she eats so much.

please help - tell me wat i can do, i can't talk to her, he monitors the phones as well, no emails, no mail!

england is a sociolist state there should be help does anyone know wat i can do from here - pleese email me @:, everyone there just goes tsk tsk's and thats that, it kinda gets me angry, i don't htink she should have to suffer b/c she has three kids! all of them very young less then ten the youngest one has not started school yet. Wat can she do, she is so sweet i can't understand why things like this happen to such good people? any advice is good!

in any event he (her husband) knows we all know, everyone just feels it will get better if she just does wat he says and tries to avoid confrontation and puts up with it the best way she can. i am almost tempted to believe it too. i think even she has gotten used to it. will it get worse?!!? can it work, thier marriage like this?!?! wat does hse have to face if she leaves?! i mean would it be even harder to leave him and have to deal with financially raising kids, as is she is so busy with kids i can't imagine her taking time out to work, and if she does it will probably be a very low paying job so she will have to work even longer - put in even more hours, then the kids will be neglected - isn't that just another form of abuse? i am sometimes tempted to think it would be better to leave it alone, until we - well the next generation, me my brothers cousins in england etc, are older have steady jobs and can set up an account for her and a house as well so she can just move in and just raise her kids, but by that time i fear she will not need the help,

-- Anonymous, November 10, 2002

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