I have been in a realationship for 8 years with this man. Things really have never been real great. We have a four year old daughter together. Recently he wanted to leave the home but I wanted to try to work things out for our daughters sake so we went to see a theripist. Things still were the same so I asked him to leave because we were both so unhappy. Well I met this other man who is decent to both my daughter and myself and he flew in to visit. In the mean time my ex had called all my family and friends to get information. He broke into my home while I was away (I don't know if I can do anything about it cuz he owns the home also but isn't living there). He is recording conversations that we have together because I still talk to him because of our daughter. I don't know where to draw the line because we are not married but I can't go on living in fear and not knowing when he will break in next or what he will say next. I am afraid to live in my own home, afraid he is following me, wondering if when he takes my daughter if he will bring her home. I tell him repeatedly that it is over between us and to just let it go but he insists to still try to run my life and I don't know what I can do legally or not. I just want it all to stop. Please inform. Thank you

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2002

Answers

I will only suggest a book that is well worth the time to read. "The gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. I promise in the first chapter you will be amazed at what you have read. Dave

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2002

call the cops

-- Anonymous, December 10, 2002

You deserve to live in peace. Do what you have to do using the legal means to keep your space safe. But don't ever use your child to hurt your ex. Too often women will use the system along with restraining orders to remove a man completely. Your child has a right to have Daddy in her life. You have the right to not have him in your daily life. Get a restraining order if you have to, then If you call the police, they will arrest him. Be fair, and don't abuse the power the system will give you. Just use it to make your life peaceful. Remember, he is just trying to control a situation that he cannot control. In time these things calm down, and the jelousy fades. Hope this helps.

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2002

Hello Mindy....my dear child, your situation hits very close to home. My daughter got caught up in the same situation. But there are several questions I have. You say you were never married, ok, is he legally responsible for child support? What I mean, is there a court order for payment? Also, I see you say you were in a relationship for 8yrs, that's a long time. I would think over the 8 yrs you & he both, have went back & forth with each other, saying it's over, then changing your minds after a short time back to gether, & like you said "things were the same." See that's partly the problem. Your x-boyfriend is thinking, "Hey, it's just one of those times, we'll get back together." You're staying in his home that he provides for you & his child." Mindy, you can't bring another man into this already messed up situation. You really need to do 1 thing at a time here. I don't know what state you live in, but I know that common-law marriages are pretty much a thing of the past UNLESS this common-law marriage is of the "old times" and 8yrs tells me it probably is. You need to see about getting some kind of assistance from the county you live in, get the legal advice. Attorneys will give free consultations, just call a couple, I'm sure your family knows of a lawyer. But Mindy, you can't get mad at him, separate, then you start dating & not expect him to go nuts. Are you able to provide for yourself & child? do you have income, job? Do you have a car? Can you move into your own place, or move back with your parents? but you have to get out of his house? Mindy, that's what you have to decide. DO you want to finish this relationship for GOOD? or Kiss & Makeup, believe his lies or your lies, I don't know Mindy, maybe you are playing with his emotions. Either way you have to take resposibilty for your own self your child & make up your mind & stick to your guns.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2003