The information received from you the last time was very valuable and useful in my social skills classes. We are now discussing "frustrating," when we don't get what we need. I need a list of feelings. All I can come up with are angry, sad, disappointed, anxious, frustrated, bored. Yep, very generic. Please forward feelings we have when we are frustrating.

-- Ted Donato (tdonato@toppenish.wednet.edu), October 23, 2002

Answers

To my mind this is the most difficult need of all to deal with.Time out of number it is terribly difficult to decide whither something should go under the 'feeling' or 'thinking' quadrant. The only rule of thumb I have found that works is: If you can put "I think" before the words then it is a thought, otherwise it is a feeling. The real difficulty comes, in my opinion when you realise that there really are 'feelings beneath feelings' The first feeling that somebody expresses is ofter a shallow attempt to state what they really felt usually when you probe a little, another feeling emerges -very often something primitive or 'primordial' like FEAR. I dont know if you have ever used the behavioural map in a classroom setting; it can be tremendously instructive. Using the whiteboard draw a large circle and divide it into the four quadrants Thinking - doing -feeling -physiology. The behaviour names are outside the circle leaving the quadrants blank for you (or a student) to write in. Get one of them to take a non traumatic but significant event from their lives e.g. a girl friend breaks off with them -they hear they have failed an important interview etc.etc. and you go around the circle filling in the 'doing' 'thinking' 'feeling' etc. It should be possible to get a fairly deep range of feelings ranged in the feeling quadrant. Do it for events that caused deep frustration and I think you will probably get them coming up with more feelings than you want. ken

-- ken lyons (kenlyon@gofree.indigio.ie), October 26, 2002.

FRUSTRATING IS ALMOST THE SAME AS THE FRUSTRATION OF WAITING .NOW WHEN WE WAIT FOR A BUS IN THE CITY IT HAS BEEN PROVEN THAT WE BEGIN TO "FRUSTRATE "ABOUT WAITING .AT THE POINT OF TWO TO THREE MINUTES OF BUS-WAITING-TIME.NOW THE SAME STUDY FOUND THAT THE SAME PEOPLE FRUSTAE AT 30 SECONDS WHEN WAITING FOR AN ELEVATOR! THIS MEANS TO ME THAT THE NATURE OF FRUSTRATION ITSELF IS very PLASTIC AND DEPENDS ENTIRELY UPON OUR "ATTENTIVE MOOD"TO COIN A PHRASE.if we get pissed at random times for random events then we are selk medicating with adrenal juice like when we worry -cheapest high in the world adrealin i hope this helps all you frustraters thanx for reading ian .

-- ian porter (zinaroo@yahoo.com), October 27, 2002.

I have a question? Can you tell me what to look under to find informantion on Dr. Glasser 's ideas on group therapy. What are his ideas on forming a group,initial, transition, working, and termination of the group. Any help would be greatly appreicated. Thank You, Sandra Wren

-- Sandra Wren (sew7678@yahoo.com), November 07, 2002.

Glasser, in my opinion, has not really addressed himself at any great length to the question you pose. Wubbolding [Dr. Bob Wubbolding director of training William Glasser Institute] has written on it in Cory (2000b) and has a chapter on it (Ch.7) in his book "Reality Therapy for the 21st. Century" isbn 1-56030-886-x The one time I did hear Glasser talk about group work he made the comment that in one- to- one counselling the power differential between client and counsellor was such that any form of evaluation by the counselor would be seen as intrusion and dominance but that in a group session where the members considered themselves peers, then individual group members were more likely to accept some quite stinging outside evaluation from other group members. Regards, Ken

-- kenl lyons (kenlyon@gofree.indigio.ie), November 08, 2002.

I FOUND IT! Several years ago, when our social skills program first began, I was able to compile a Feelings/State of Being list. The usefulness of this list is to allow a student/client to understand how our Total Behavior works.

This last week, I meeting with a group of fellow educators. These persons serve in paraprofessional positions and are responsible for, among many duties, playground supervision. It was felt that as we have a social skills program based on CT/RT, expectations, interventions and verbalizations should be consistent. It was an enjoyable experience and we intend on meeting each week. The support of these people will allow our charges to understand that CT/RT isn't applicable only during social skills classes.

Hey, back to the point. In our group is one lady who has shown symptoms of "frustrating." She is soon to undergo a procedure to remove a cyst on her wrist. During lunch she has mentioned only in passing her low tolerance to pain and how she spoke to another about this procedure. And how the other person said how badly it hurt. In short, my cohort was nervous, anxious, and afraid.

If I were to address her frustration in a counselor/client situation I might.:

"Tell me about your up-coming operation."

OH, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. "

"Is this a choice? Meaning, if you don't want to do it, do you have to?"

WELL, I SHOULD. IT'S GOTTA BE DONE. I'LL DO IT BUT I WON'T LIKE IT.

Well, you're saying that it's something that you feel you have to do and you will do it. Right?"

YES.

"You mentioned 'feelings.' Tell me about that."

OH, I DON'T LIKE TO FEEL PAIN. EVEN WHEN I WAS YOUNG I DIDN'T LIKE PAIN. I USED TO HATE SHOTS AND GOING TO THE DENTIST WHEN I WAS YOUNG. I EVEN USED TO CRY A LOT.

"Most of us did have a low tolerance for pain when we were young. But as we mature and grow into adulthood, it changes. You had a low tolerance of pain as a child. Do you still have that low tolerance?"

DIDN'T I SAY I HATED GOING TO THE DENTIST AND GETTING SHOTS?

"You've related to me how you felt as a child. . "

IS IT DIFFERENT? SHOULD IT BE?

"I don't know. Tell me."

The above would hopefully continue until we were able to identify the state of her feeling component, and its affects on her thoughts, actions, and physiology. PERHAPS WE COULD THEN THROW BARNES BOFFEY'S TRANSITION QUESTIONS AT HER.

"You mentioned that you were feeling nervous, anxious, and afraid."

YES!

"How would you like to feel?"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

"I mean, if you could go through the procedure feeling exactly as you'd like to feel, how would you choose to feel?"

PROBABLY, CALM, MAYBE CONFIDENT THAT THE DOCTOR WON'T MESS-UP. AND NOT AFRAID OF THE PAIN.

"If you were being calm and confident and brave, what would you also be doing?"

WELL, NOT ACTING NERVOUS.

"You're telling what you wouldn't be doing. I can't visualize that. If you were being calm and confident, what would I see you doing?"

SMILING, MAYBE JOKING ABOUT IT. MAKING PLANS TO DO THINGS AFTER I GET DONE. MAYBE TELLING MY CHILDREN NOT TO WORRY ABOUT ME.

"If you wanted to be able to make plans after the procedure and reassure your children, what would you need to have to be able to do them?"

I DON'T KNOW.

"Bingo!"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BINGO?"

"I mean you're right. You don't know. Do you know how long the procedure will last? Or how long the rehab will take? The risks associated with this procedure?"

WELL, NO. WHAT CAN I DO?

"What could you do?"

Hopefully the client would identify the possible Actions of speaking with hospital personnel and perhaps her rehab therapist. Maybe ask her doctor for names of previous patients who have successfully undergone the same procedure.

I have attempted to address how the state of he Feeling Component can affect the condition of the remaining components. Do the same with these target feelings. If one had these feelings or was being this, what thoughts would they have? Actions? How would their body feel?:

assured, talented, punctual, secure, elated, worthy, creative, brave, gentle, reverent, athletic, positive, sensitive, comforting, trustworthy, pretty, respectful, concerned, honest, smart, free, heroic, thoughtful, healthy, prepared, educated, lovable, skilled, strong, powerful, progressive, successful, courageous, trusting, calm, grateful, mature, liked, generous, cooperative, content, pleased, safe, polite, gifted, eager, careful, sharing, confident,playful, fair, pleasant, supportive, joyful, helpful,cheerful, interesting, bold, special,handsome, reflective, courteous, enjoyable, responsible, thankful, wealthy, brilliant, curious, humorous, energetic, caring, friendly, satisfied, useful, wise, hopeful, proud, important, well- mannered

Feedback? Have a good Thanksgiving. TD

-- Ted Donato (tdonato@toppenish.wednet.edu), November 22, 2002.

HI IHAVE A BIT OF INPUT ON THIS SUBJECT TO START OFF I BELIEVE THERE ARE ONLY TWO TRUE EMOTIONS WHICH ARE LOVE AND FEAR. WE ONLY EXPERIENCE HATE ANGER OR FRUSTRATION WHEN WE'RE ABOUT TO COME UP AGAINST A SITUATION WE EITHER DON'T UNDERSTAND OR HAVE NOT GOT TOTAL CONTROL OVER. I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THAT WHEN I FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE IT ROBS ME OF ANY PEACE SO MABEY IF A PERSON WERE TO JUST RECOGONIZE THE FEAR EXISTS THEN REWARD THEMSELVES FOR HAVING THE ABILITY TO RECOGONIZE AND ACCEPT THAT REALITY THE PERSON THEN REMOVES THEMSELVES FROM THE NEGATIVE BY INITIATING SOME POSITIVE ASPECTS TO THE SITUATION.FAR FEWER MINUTES ARE SPENT AGONIZING OVER THE SAME THING SO IT ENDS FASTER. IF WE FACE OUR FEAR THE EVENT BECOMES SECONDARY BECAUSE NOTHING IN LIFE WILL EVER BE WORSE THAN WE ALLOW IT TO BE WE WON'T FEEL FRUSTRATION ABOUT A SUBJECT THAT WE ALREADY SETTLED WITH OURSELVES AND WON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH UNNECESSARY FEAR IF WE CONVERT OURSELVES OVER TO BEING PROUD OF OURSELVES WHICH IS A LOVING FEELING AND CAN ALWAYS CANCLE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF ANY SITUATION. ONCE WE TRAIN OURSELVES TO NOT LOOK FOR THE BAD WE WON'T SEE IT SO OFTEN AND ENABLE OURSELVES TO HAVE A MUCH HAPPIER REALITY.I BELIEVE THAT REALITY IS NO MORE THAN AN INDIVIDUAL PERCEPTION OF WHAT IS. MY REALITY DOESN'T HAVE TO APPLY TO ANYONE ELSES WORLD ASIDE FROM MY OWN NOR DOES ANYONE ELSES REALITY NEED TO APPLY TO MINE, HOWEVER IF WE ACCEPT THAT EACH PERSONS REALITY IS HOW THAT PERSON EXPERIENCES LIFE WE. CAN ELIMINATE A GOOD DEAL OF OUR FRUSTRATION THROUGH THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE WHICH IS SUCH A POSITIVE AND POWERFUL ACT OF KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY TO BOTH OURSELVES AND TO OTHERS ONCE WE ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER WE RELEASE BOTH OF US TO LIVE OUR OWN LIVES FACE THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS AT THAT MOMENT WE GROW TOGETHER INSTEAD OF FINDING OURSELVES FRUSTRATING OVER THINGS WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO CONTROL WHEN WE LET OURSELVES FALL INTO A TRAP OF OVER ANALYZING AND OVER FEELING ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE A GOOD EFFECT ON US WE DENY OURSELVES THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HAPPY SO IT EVEN BECOMES FRUSTRATING TO ADDRESS FRUSTRATION SO I SAY JUST ACCEPT IT LIVES AND WHEN YOU DON'T FOCUS ON IT YOU'D BE AMAZED AT HOW MUCH LESS TIME IT LIVES IN YOU

-- LANA IRWIN (SLEEPLESS258@YAHOO.COM), December 11, 2002.

I think that frustration is an urge to behave in an as yet undefined manner. We become frustrated when we've tried different behaviors, or the same ones repeatedly, with out getting the desired results. While I am frustrating emotions like angst, indecision, nervousness, manicness, different forms of anger, hopelessness, etc. are in the forefront. An interesting comparison might be hope and frustration. Glasser describes hope as an almost wastefull emotion because it allows one to stop behaving and just hope the real world changes by itself towards your quality world. While frustration seems to lead, at least me, to try any and all behaviors, as quick as they come to mind.

-- Xander Lih (xanderlih@charter.net), January 03, 2003.