Too bold is not beautiful

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Arab News

By Molouk Y. Ba-Isa

Frequently, articles appear about social problems caused by young men. We’ve all heard the reports of obnoxious youths harassing families and behaving badly in public places. While I will agree that there are quite a few of these rude young men around, it is time to ask the question, “Do you know where your daughters are tonight?” I can tell you where some of them will be. They’ll be out in public bothering young men and it isn’t pretty to watch.

Believe me folks, I know you might find such stories strange. After all, in Saudi society we have always placed our women on pedestals. Our daughters could do no wrong. It was always our sons who were at fault. But it is sad to write that many of our young people, both men and women, have gone astray. There are certain basic standards of dress and behavior that should be adhered to in an Islamic society. Men and women are supposed to be decently covered and behave respectably in public places in a Muslim land. Muslim women should not go out in mixed company wearing heavy make-up or strong perfumes. But in our society now, there are certain young women who equate modernity with a need to abandon their values.

Recently, at a shopping mall, a group of these young women stuffed themselves into an elevator with me. Even though I didn’t know them, I felt terribly embarrassed for their families. These teens had perfumed themselves with scents so overpowering that it was impossible to breathe comfortably in the confined space. The lower portion of their faces were covered, but their eyes were made up with sparkling bright blue and green powders plus heavy mascara and eyeliner. They had on sandals with platform soles at least six inches high and tightly cut abayas. Numerous bangles and rings adorned their arms and hands. Their fingernails and toenails sported outrageous manicures. Ragged, frayed jeans peeped out from under their cloaks. They talked loudly and giggled constantly on the short ride to the second floor.

Unfortunately, I had the opportunity to view their effect close up as the young lovelies had squeezed my son into the back, right corner of the lift. He had been forced to plaster himself to the wall to avoid touching them. Sensing his distress, they’d crowded even closer until eventually he’d been holding our shopping bags against the front of his body as shields. Even after the women sashayed out of the elevator, my son couldn’t move for a moment. His eyes were practically bulging out of his head. It turned out that he’d been holding his breath as he was afraid that the hideous combination of their designer colognes would set off his asthma. I helped him out of the elevator and we sat down on a nearby bench until he recovered.

How do these young women manage to leave their homes so boldly attired? I know that some of their families don’t care. Others abuse the trust of their parents. I have seen young women come with friends into the restrooms at shopping malls and proceed to tart themselves up. From their handbags they take out their make-up and cologne. They produce their high heels from a shopping bag. Stockings are abandoned. They rearrange their clothing to make it less modest.

One night last month, while washing my hands at a mall’s restroom, my curiosity got the better of my manners. As one of these misguided teens was re-touching her mascara, I asked her if she didn’t think that what she was doing was degrading. She looked at me for a moment, and then with a nasty smirk said, “Jazakallah khair,” (May God grant you goodness), which in this context meant that I should leave her alone. I did, but I felt terribly sad for her.

During the summer vacation my son was in Jeddah for a week. Looking for a gift, he went to a shopping mall where he’d been advised by his grandmother that what he wanted could be found. At the mall’s entrance an elderly security guard informed him that the mall was for families only.

My son told the guard that he wanted to go to just one shop and leave. The guard offered to walk him there. They went to the shop, bought the gift and left. At the exit the guard shook his hand and apologized. “I’m sorry son,” he said. “It’s not young men like you that we have a problem with. To be honest, it’s the girls.” My son was raised to be polite to women. He’s under instructions to open doors, carry bags and render assistance to women at all times. As a boy, every time he looked a female in the eye, some relative would smack him on the back of the head so he learned to look down. He was told that nice boys do not make eye contact with women. Right now he’s under attack. At the mall, girls toss tiny papers at him as they walk by. Their mobile numbers are written on the papers. Young women are always dropping bags in front of my son or “accidentally” bumping into him.

My son is not alone. He has many friends from good families and those young men claim that they are under attack too. Their sisters’ friends telephone repeatedly. If the young men complain, the girls deny everything. Groups of young women call out unpleasant comments as they pass the guys walking on the Corniche. Some of the youths thought they were imagining the bad language, until it happened a few times. At coffee shops and restaurants, the girls send around their mobile numbers to the bachelor side with the waiters.

There was one young man who did his college internship at a local bookshop. He was assigned to the Arabic book section and sales began skyrocketing. The young women all took turns having the handsome young Saudi help them find exactly the titles they needed. The young man was polite but he wasn’t interested in anything outside the job. He had been engaged to his cousin for years.

Finally the situation crossed the line when a young woman asked the store manager to instruct the young man to carry her purchases out to the car. Once they got there, as he put her bags into the vehicle, she caught hold of his hand — even though the driver was present. The young man snatched his hand back and hurriedly returned to the bookstore where he demanded to be reassigned to the accounting department.

Tonight I know where my son is, who he’s with and exactly what he’s doing. Ask me. I’ll be happy to provide the details. But there are a lot of parents in the Kingdom who aren’t taking care of their responsibilities and it’s hurting our society. Where are your sons and daughters tonight? If you don’t know, find out.



-- Anonymous, September 13, 2002


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