A funny, SAFE, not bad! ;-)greenspun.com : LUSENET : CountrySide Family : One Thread
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes and then the mechanics read and correct the problem.
They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
The problem logged by the pilot.
The solution and action taken by the engineers.
1 Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Almost replaced left inside main tire.
2 Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough.
Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
3 No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
4 Something loose in cockpit.
Something tightened in cockpit.
5 Dead bugs on windshield.
Live bugs on back-order.
6 Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet-per- minute descent.
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
7 Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
8 DME volume unbelievably loud.
DME volume set to more believable level.
9 Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
That's what they're there for.
10 IFF inoperative.
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
11 Suspected crack in windshield.
Suspect you're right.
12 Number 3 engine missing.
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
13 Aircraft handles funny.
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
14 Target radar hums.
Reprogrammed target radar with words.
15 Mouse in cockpit.
I liked 13, heh heh. Ok, back to mowing!!! Enough silliness!
-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), August 29, 2002
Too funny, Patty! I heard that the other day on the radio...I think it was on the Bob & Sheri program. But I couldn't remember most of it (my CRS kicking in!). Thanks for printing it out!!
-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), August 29, 2002.
Once on a flight with an extremely rough landing, I over heard a passenger ask the co-pilot who was standing exit courtesy as we deboarded "Did we land or were we shot down? Thanks for getting us to the gate." The pilot was still chuckling when I passed him.
-- Jay Blair in N. AL (email@example.com), August 29, 2002.
The first time I was ever on an airplane was a trip to the Bahamas. I was terrified of flying - - just positive the plane *I* was on would be THE plane that crashed that year. Take off had me cringing with eyes tightly shut, and fists clenched, praying, but then things went along rather smoothly, and I was fine.
We landed on the tailend of a hurricane - - -and I remember watching out the window admiring the beautiful blue of the water, and how clear it was, and the palm trees bending in the wind. The shaking of the airplane made no impression.
My husband had flown all over the world in the Air Force, and after we landed and left the plane said it was the worse landing he had ever experienced. I assumed, lacking previous experience for comparison, it had been normal and routine.
-- Granny Hen (cluckin firstname.lastname@example.org), August 29, 2002.
the flight attendant doing the inboard announcements (just after having landed):
"As pilots can fly better than they drive, please keep your seatbelts fastened until we have come to a complete standstill. We may have to stop quickly, and would hate for you to reach the terminal building before we do"
-- jim (email@example.com), December 11, 2002.