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Just in case you guys may be wondering why you don't get all that you want, I'm posting this article. I won't comment on it at the moment.

*ducks under desk*

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Housework Can Get Messy

Chore Disputes Spill Over Into Bedroom

Aug. 20 — Every day, mother of four Stacy Murray tackles a giant and exhausting list of the daily chores: feedings, laundry, diapers, dishes, cleaning and baths.

"I have plenty of days when I'm completely stressed out," Murray told Good Morning America. Her husband often receives emotional phone calls from his wife at work.

"I usually get a phone call saying that you're going to be minus a child when you get home," Chris Murray said. "Then I have to try to talk, you know, calm her down?"

The Murrays situation is not unusual. A recent survey in Babytalk magazine found that 70 percent of moms and 64 percent of dads agree that mom is more frazzled than dad. On average, wives tackle 40 hours of housework a week, compared to 16 hours by husbands, the national survey of 26,500 mothers and fathers found.

Problems can definitely arise when Mom does a lot more chores than Dad. According to a recent study at Brown University, overworked mothers whose husbands are sluggish about housework are much more likely to feel resentful, anxious and depressed than women whose husbands do their fair share.

Ice Queen in Bedroom

When her husband shirks household duties, she takes withholding measures of her own, Stacy Murray says.

"Either I won't talk to him or you know he'll say something that'll just set me off and I'll just yell at him for a while and let him know that I'm not approving of him not helping," she said. Stacy admits that the chore disputes carry over to the bedroom, where she can be quite icy.

"I will hold out on him," she said.

In fairness, while his wife is busy at home, Chris Murray has plenty on his plate, too. He works as a Pepsi merchandiser, and the last thing on his mind is chores.

"I have to go out and earn a living, and so I want to come home and relax for a little while," he said.

But his wife contends that even simple tasks like picking up after himself create extra work for her, and she resents it.

"It bothers me that he doesn't take care of his own things — that he can't put a dish away or he can't pick his clothes up off the floor or things like that," Stacy Murray said.

Picky About Laundry?

Chris does cook dinner, but says Stacy doesn't like the way he helps out when he delves into other chores.

"Times when I have done the laundry and I've folded the clothes, I've gotten spoken to about how I folded them," Chris Murray said.

But this statement drew a quick rebuke from his wife.

"I've never spoken to you, I've never … " Stacy Murray said. Her husband interrupted.

"So I said 'if you don't like the way I fold the clothes, then you go ahead and fold the clothes,'" Chris Murray said.

Changing the Division of Labor

If you are at an impasse over house chores, here are some suggestions from experts and couples who have come up with ways to make the division of labor more equitable.

Ask For Help: Fearing rejection, some wives simply don't ask their husbands to help out with the chores. Though in some cases it might cause friction at first, men are often more willing to do their share than their wives give them credit for.

Changing Places: Try trading off by having dad do the dishes, while mom mows the yard or shovels snow. Traditional gender roles need not apply.

Create a Sanctuary: If one of you is neat, and the other is sloppy, create different areas in your home that allow each of you to be as neat, or sloppy as you like. One of you can retreat to a tidy room, while the other can revel in the messiness of a different room, or area. You cannot put stuff in each other's area, or add anything either.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2002

Answers

Create a sanctuary. LOL

They'd never see each other.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2002


This is what happens when you have four young kids and can't afford help with the housework.

These days kids expect to be taken to a wide variety of activities we never used to have. Okay, so I had to go to dancing class and I had the occasional track meet after school, but I went by BUS or walked. Neither is safe these days. These days there are so many extracurricular activities that parents (often mothers) are required to chauffeur and chaperone their kids half the night. Then they have to supervise homework, then the kids are too tired to put away their stuff, then the mom has to wash their special activity clothes.

Dad is too tired from his day at work? Bullshit. Dad is a lazy ass.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2002


After having child number 1 and seeing all the work and time this child demands, why go on to have 3 more? Damn, my grandma had 13 children! I asked my mother if she ever heard her complain, she said nope, she never found the time. But she found the time to cook 3 meals a day for her family, clean the house, wash the dishes, can fruit and vegetables, kill a hog or a chicken, plant crops, make quilts and clothing for her family. I hate to hear all the whining from women, I thought we were a "We Can Do It" breed.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2002

the whining from women, I thought we were a "We Can Do It" breed.

Yeah, whine...

[running for cover now!]

-- Anonymous, August 21, 2002


I have four shifts left on my paying job. Right now I have no plans to return to work (although I've already got one job offer). With our brood I should have more help than I do, but I have to be able to spend time teaching them how. I don't know anyone with our number of kids who works outside the home. From personal experience I can tell you the logistics are a nightmare when everyone is out of the house all day and exhausted when we get home.

We've had several little houseguests over the course of the summer. Before a new batch comes into the house, I warn them that we have clean laundry on the couch and sorry about that. Every single child has responded that they have clean laundry on their couches too. All of us parents work, and there are simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done every day. Apparently the new American norm for laundry sorting is the couch. :)

-- Anonymous, August 21, 2002



My maternal grandmother had 13 kids too. The older kids took care of the younger ones and she never had to take them to soccer practice or anything like that. The kids went to work at age 12 or 14. She didn't have to spend time on cleaning appliances or shampooing carpets cos she didn't have any. Hell, I remember when she went from all-gas to electric and she only did that because her sons wanted to buy her a TV after Granddad died and the mining co. that owned the cotages were putting in electricity for free. Granddad gambled and drank so there wasn't much money and certainly no help from him. My youngest uncle is only six years older than me, the oldest is about 30 years older. Yup, grandma had a baby after she was 50.

Also, grandma didn't have to spend a whole morning writing checks for bills. No cable, no Net, no charge accounts, nothing like that. Clothes were worn more than once, winter coats rarely got cleaned, just brushed and sponged. Parents were never encouraged to go to school for any reason, the teachers took care of all discipline problems. No need to take the car in for repairs or maintenance-- weren't no car!

I still say you need help with four kids if your husband isn't going to pull any weight. Thw housewife of today has to work sunup to well after sundown and it's too much of a strain, especially in these times when you can't let them outside to play without armed guards.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2002


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