I know there was a thread somewhere with jokes. Maybe it got out of control. But here is a clean and funny joke I was just emailed.

Una maestra le dice a su alumno:

A ver dígame Pablito, ¿Qué pasa si le corto una oreja?

Me quedo sordo.

¿Y si le corto la otra oreja?

Me quedo ciego.

¿Por qué?, dijo asustada la maestra.

Se me caen los lentes, pues maestra.

Translated:

A teacher asked her student:

Lets see, tell me Pablito, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?

I will become deaf.

And if I cut off the other ear?

I will become blind.

Why? asked the teacher.

Because my glasses will fall off!

LOL.

Enjoy.

In Christ.

-- Jake Huether (jake.huether@lamrc.com), August 13, 2002

Answers

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-- Jake Huether (jake.huether@lamrc.com), August 13, 2002.

My Uncle Zeke was a missionary in Africa, and gained a reputation as a wise and helpful man.

One day, he was invited to a small village which was suffering from a drought. Could he give them any advice? He took a walk around, inspected the grounds and instructed the chief, "Have your people plant cucumbers near the dry riverbed."

"Cucumbers?" thought the chief. But he obeyed, because Uncle Zeke was known far and wide as, well, almost a miracle worker. And anyway, what else did they ahve to do?

So the people planted the cucumbers, and slowly they grew until they were ripe. Uncle Zeke then instructed them to take the cucumbers, slice them up and throw them into the dry riverbed.

"Why not?" shrugged the chief. "We're gonna die of thirst anyway, why not hunger too?" So they threw the sliced cucumbers into the dry riverbed ...

... and miracle of miracles, water began to fill the dry riverbed and within a few hours, the banks were overflowing! The people cheered -- the drought was over!!

The chief prostrated himself in front of Uncle Zeke, begging forgiveness for his doubts and thanking him profusely. Uncle Zeke, smiling, waved at him to stand.

"It's no problem," he assured him.

"But how did you know?" stammered the chief. "How did you know that when we threw the cucumber slices into the river, the water would return?"

"Well," said Uncle Zeke, hooking his fingers into his suspenders, "it's something my grandmother taught me when I was a kid, and I always remembered it:

"DILL WATERS RUN STEEP!"

-- Christine L. (christinelehman@hotmail.com), August 13, 2002.

Okay, you guys, those are so goofy they're funny! LOL.

Here's my contribution.

Once, a Baptist Pastor went to a horse race. He had never been to one before and was curious. He noticed there was a Catholic priest near the animal stall. The priest seemed to be blessing a HORSE. Well, as the race progressed, lo and behold, the Blessed Horse won the race. The Baptist Pastor watched as the next two races were won in the same fashion -- the priest-blessed horse.

Finally, the little Baptist Pastor couldn't stand it anymore so he watched the priest put a "special blessing" on the next horse for the last race of the tournament. The Pastor had $100 in his pocket and placed it all on the Blessed Horse. WOE TO HIM, the horse dropped dead running the last lap! So the little Pastor approached the priest and said, "What happened to that horse? I saw you put that special blessing on him. Why didn't it work? It worked all the other times?" The priest said, "You're not Catholic are you, fella?" The little man said, "No, why do you ask?" The Priest said "That was no blessing . . . It was the last rite!" HA HA HA!

Gail

-- Gail (rothfarms@socket.net), August 13, 2002.

There was a terrible drought in a small village, so the Pastor announced to his faithful he would say a special Mass asking for rain. Next day the Parish church was full. At the time of the homily the Pastor said: Welcome, sons and daughters, I see you came to pray for rain, but you people of little faith, I don't see a SINGLE UMBRELLA .....!!

Enrique

-- Enrique Ortiz (eaortiz@yahoo.com), August 14, 2002.

What do you call a Catholic that stands outside the Church during Mass and refuse to take a seat?

'Outstanding Catholic'

-- Vincent Koh (vincentkoh@pd.jaring.my), August 14, 2002.

Churchill said he was a ''flying buttress''; he supported the Church, from outside.

-- eugene c. chavez (chavezec@pacbell.net), August 14, 2002.

O.k.,

The Pope was coming in to speak in Los Angeles, and as one would expect, had a ride waiting at the airport. In this particular case it was a limo. As the Pope was getting into the back, he thought to himself, "here I am riding around in these things all the time, and I've never even *driven* one, I think I should try to." He asked the driver if he could try driving to their destination, and although the driver didn't think it was a hot idea, he relented and let the Pope drive.

The Pope pulled out into traffic, and was having the time of his life! He had so much fun in fact that he started speeding, and was (as usual for that neck of the woods) pulled over by the LAPD. The police officer went up to the driver's door, looked in, and said, "hold on a minute while I talk with my superior." In talking with his captain, he asked what to do when confronted with a speeding VIP, and his captain asked who was it, if it was someone like the mayor? The cop said, "no, more important than that". The Governor? no, more important... The President? No, STILL more important the cop exclaimed.

The captain said, "look son, you've got me confused here, just who exactly did you pull over?" The officer replied, "Well sir, to be honest I didn't have the nerve to look, but whoever it is, he's got the Pope for a chauffeur!

Ha Ha Ha

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), August 14, 2002.

O.k. #2,

A fisherman caught whitefish for food, and one day after catching his fish he fired up the oven and was preparing to kill and clean them. As he grabbed a fish, the fish called out to their fairy godmother and asked to be spared.

Well, fish fairy godmothers can be demanding, so the godmother said she *would* spare the fish if the fish agreed to let her cook the fisherman in his place! The fish thought about it for a bit, being a good fish didn't want to *kill* someone else after all, but in the end said, "I want to live, please spare be and cook him". At this the fisherman dropped to his knees and cried out, "my cod, my cod, why are you for baking me!!!"

Remember, when this makes it to Leno, you heard it here first!

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), August 14, 2002.

To all,

Thanks for the laughter! :) The jokes were great and very refreshing. MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), August 14, 2002.

I have cross-linked this thread with another humor thread, which has a bunch more links within it (for newcomers).
JFG
PS: Frank -- My cod, what a cute one!

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), August 17, 2002.