another funnygreenspun.com : LUSENET : CountrySide Family : One Thread
> A) GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN > HAVE LEARNED > 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't > baptize cats. > 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't > let her brush your hair. > 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her > back. They always catch > the second person. > 4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. > 5) Puppies still have bad breath, even after > eating a Tic-Tac. > 6) Never hold a Dust buster and a cat at the > same time. > 7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a > glass of milk. > 8) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white > shorts. > > B) GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE > LEARNED > 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O > to a tree. > 2) The best way to keep kids at home is to > create a pleasant > atmosphere and let the air out of their > tires. > 3) Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, > with a few nuts. > 4) Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that > held its ground. > 5) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it > leaves completely. > 6) If you can remain calm, you don't have all > the facts. > > C) GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD > 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is > optional. > 2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation. > 3) Forget the health food. I need all the > preservatives I can get. > 4) You're getting old when you get the same > sensation from > a rocking chair that you once got from a > roller coaster. > 5) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound > box of candy can make a > person gain 5 pounds. > 6) Every time I think about exercise, I lie > down until the thought goes > away. > 7) God put me on earth to accomplish a > certain number of things. > Right now I am so far behind, I will > live forever. > 8) It's frustrating when you know all the > answers, but > nobody bothers to ask the questions. > 9) I finally got my head together, and my > body fell apart. > 10) There cannot be a crisis this week; my > schedule is already full. > 11) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes > age comes alone. > 12) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, > along came today. > 13) Sometimes I think I understand everything, > then I regain > consciousness. > 14) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember > most of it. > > D) THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE > 1) You believe in Santa Claus. > 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. > 3) You are Santa Claus. > 4) You look like Santa Claus. > > > > > Here's a pretty good idea on what to do > with junk mail. I Love it. > > > > > > Here's the deal: Tired of getting all > those pre-approved letters in the > > > mail for everything from credit cards to > 2nd Mortgages, and junk like > > > that? If the answer is, "Yes!" read on. If > "no", read on anyway since > many > > > of us don't care for banks and credit card > companies anyway. > > > > > > As you know, most, if not all of those > letters come with a postage > > > "PREPAID" envelope. Why not get rid of > some of your other junk mail > and > > > put it in these cool little envelopes! > > > > > > If you didn't get anything else that day, > then just send them their > > > application back! Just make sure your > name isn't on anything you send > > > them. > > > > > > Heck, you can send it back empty if you > want. Keep 'em guessing that > way. > > > Let's turn this into a chain letter! > Eventually, the banks will begin > > > getting all their crap back in the mail. > > > > > > Let's let them know what it's like to get > junk mail, and best of all . > . . > > > THEY'RE paying for it . . . . Twice! Only > in America! > > > > > > WAIT!!!!! HERE'S THE BEST PART; > > > > > > You already know that the USPS has > increased postage rates again, > starting > > > the first week of April 2002. Now if > all of us start mailing back > all > > > the junk mail we receive to other junk > mailers in their 'postage paid' > > > envelopes....we just might delay the next > rate hike from the USPS for > years > > > and years!!
-- Stan (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 24, 2002
Very funny, I especially like the one about "yesterday's nut".
-- Jackie (HaloHead012@cs.com), July 24, 2002.
Just the laugh I needed this morning. Thanks
-- Joanie (ber-gust @prodigy.net), July 25, 2002.
Mail the junk mail back! You thought that up yourself did'nt you Stan. Its a pretty good idea
-- Sue (email@example.com), July 27, 2002.