joke,, just to break the tension in here,,,,greenspun.com : LUSENET : CountrySide Family : One Thread
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrioremail@example.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think".
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Dont use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender).
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3".
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
25) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!, third time this week!!!".
27) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!".
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".
-- Stan (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 22, 2002
Really, really funny Stan!!! Hubby and I laughed hysterically! We especially liked #15 and #29!!!
-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), July 22, 2002.
Stan, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! LOL I'm passing them on to all my cubicle dwelling friends. #8 & 26 are my favorites!! Have a great night.
-- Kathy Aldridge (email@example.com), July 22, 2002.
My all time favorite was to select a page at random in the future pages of my boss' desk calender and write "10:00 see how I look in tutu and tights", or during staff meetings, stand at the start and recite the Pledge of Alligence and see how many others do it also. Another fun thing is to take a couple large cardboard tubes, a pair of shoes and pants and stand it in front of a toilet in "sitting position" and lock the stall door. I did this and the prop stayed for 4 days before maintenance opened the stall.
-- Jay Blair in N. AL (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 22, 2002.
Is there tension in here? LOL
-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), July 23, 2002.
not "tension" per se,, but, there hasnt been alot of posting of late,,so Im just trying to ge things going. I know most are busy with summer chores and such,,, but we always seem to find the time to "check in", doesnt take that much more time to post
-- Stan (email@example.com), July 23, 2002.
Stan...I've added some things just to keep the humor "theme" going here. We ALL need a good laugh now and then :-)!!!
>1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. >2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. >3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
>5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
>6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
>9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
>10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. _________________
And more for you all...
>EVER WONDER >Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? >Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? >Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? >Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? >Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? >Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? >Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? >Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? >Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? >When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? >Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? >Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? >You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? >Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? >If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? >If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), July 23, 2002.
We park in our driveways, and drive on the parkways.
-- SM Steve (Unreal@home.com), July 25, 2002.