It matters to me which way the toilet paper roll is mounted (ie, to unroll from the inside or from the outside). I think the issues are aesthetic and functional. I agree that it looks better when the TP unrolls from the inside (next to the wall) but it is easier for me to reach when it unrolls from the outside (next to the toilet). There are only so many hours to live---do you want to waste valuable time reaching for inaccessible TP?

My lady friend is an innie. I am an outtie. We keep switching the TP on each other.

I am trying to cope but tensions are building.

-- (lars@indy.net), July 03, 2002

Answers

HELP CELEBRATE LARSISM

Here's the plan for our favorite Lars's birthday:

FIRST, 7 p.m. dinner at Cafe LaGuardia at 2111 West Armitage. but we have to make reservations so everyone must RSVP to this email ASAP. i need to know by end of day today. then after dinner we'll go to standard and then schubas. yay! fun times! fun times!

Here's the Reader's description of cafe laguardia:

Just a block west of Damen is this blink-or-you-miss-it Cuban eatery with only a dozen tables, a bar, and chairs upholstered in leopard skin. The cozy spot offers nicely prepared, generously portioned Latin dishes at reasonable prices. Appetizers include tostones (fried green plantains) with a garlicky mojo, yuca frita (fried strips of the starchy root vegetable), and a satisfying version of sopa de frijoles negro (Havana black bean soup) topped with chopped raw onion, shredded cheese, and sour cream. Cuban nachos are similar to the Mexican standard, but with fried plantains in place of tortilla chips. While Americanized entrees like fajitas, burritos, and enchiladas suiza are offered, the regional specialties are the best bet. Ropa vieja (shredded flank steak) comes cooked in a tomato sauce with onions and peppers; the jibarito sandwich is steak or chicken on two slabs of fried plantain with lettuce and tomato; and camarones al ajillo is lightly cooked shrimp on a mound of heavenly sauteed onions and cilantro, served with rice and either black beans or potaje de frijoles Colorado (red kidney beans with sausage.) The full bar specializes in margaritas, which come in lime, strawberry, or mango.

p.s. Lars, you DID include Ben...!

-- (Holly @ windy.town), July 03, 2002.

Thanks babe, but you are avoiding the tissue issue.

-- (lars@indy.net), July 03, 2002.

Lars is LL!

-- (I've @finally. figured it out), July 03, 2002.

Lars, it matters to me, but not enough to cause WWIII. If she's a good lady, let her have it her way and let it go. No one wants to break up over a roll of TP.

Btw Lars, are you living in sin? If so, why don't you propose under the fireworks tomorrow evening.

-- (dont sweat@the .small stuff), July 03, 2002.

In the military they demand that it always be on the inside because the military is run by anal-retentive fucknuts. I say fuck that, it works better on the outside. Tell your girlfriend to get fucked. Or better yet, fuck her yourself, then she'll mellow out.

-- (man is @ king. of the castle), July 03, 2002.

This exact same topic generated the longest running controversy ever to fill the columns of Dear Abby. She got tens of thousands of letters passionately advocating one approach or the other.

This reminds me of Gulliver's Travels and the endless war Swift described, based on two factions: big-endians and little-endians. These referred to which end of a soft-boiled egg was the proper one to open before eating it.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), July 03, 2002.

There may be much more involved than aesthetics and accessibility. Possibly there are correlations for race/ethnicity, religion, politics, gender, sexual preference, handedness, haircolor, personality type and/or navel configuration.

I'm so sorry for opening this can of worms.

-- (lars@indy.net), July 03, 2002.

Lars,

In classy hotels the world over, the TP is ALWAYS mounted to unroll from the outside, and usually has a decorative fold on it, for your unrolling ease! In really tacky hotels, you're lucky if they even remembered to put toilet paper in the room-LOL!

I am always suspicious of a used roll in tacky joints, and inspect the outer edges to make sure there is no warping or discoloration (EWWW! i mean it wouldn't be prudent to um, put just anything next to your tushy!~)

So, I'm with you on the outside roll!~

As for soft boiled eggs, the english (who really perfected this art) insist that the wide end goes up (which is usually where the biggest air pocket is), and gives the devouree the greatest access to the inner delicacies~

Just my two cents in the etiquitte department~

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), July 03, 2002.

The mule thanks his stars for his bidet ...

-- helen (clean@mules.are.godly.mules), July 03, 2002.

My Dad was a strong-minded outtie. One time when I was a kid he grumped at me for replacing a roll wrong. It turned out that it was my little brother, just a wee child at the time, who had replaced the roll. No one had any idea that he was capable of replacing a roll.

Probably the first time little brother got me in trouble, but far from the last.

-- Peter Errington (petere7@starpower.net), July 03, 2002.

Mount another roll holder and get back to bedplay. Life's indeed too short.

Outie here if we're voting.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), July 04, 2002.

toilegami

-- (y2k fun @ your.bunker), July 04, 2002.

I am trying to cope but tensions are building.

I have found that this the cause of the one of the first (if not THE first) argument newlyweds have. I've heard it over and over for decades, even my parents, after 50+ years of marriage would switch the direction while reading in the library.

I settled the problem, put the roll on a paper towel roll on the counter next to the toilet. Actually I did that for the little ones who had to slide their little busts over the front of the seat in order to reach the roll which was attached on the wall across from the seat.

For parents with new babies, be aware that grabbing the end of the roll and unloading the entire thing is a right of passage for every toddler. Don't fight it, it, they think it is hilarious (I often wonder why~perhaps something they can control?)

It's like the "drop" game, every babe learns it and does it. I watch parents become frustrated, thinking the kid can't hang on to the object, but if you watch the baby's eyes, you will see them get the connection...they take an action~ that action causes the parent to respond. After a little thought, the object is dropped again.
Sometimes the parent gets mad and asks why the babe can't hold on to the thing, other put the object away, thus ending the interactive game the little one is trying to play with the parent. Then there is disappointment in the child's eyes.

One thing that can scare a toddler is to put the end of the toilet paper in the toilet, flush, and watch it unwind and disappear! Now that's a kid who is going to have a lot of "issues" during potty training.

-- Cherri (whatever@who.cares), July 04, 2002.

My experience:

If it comes over the top and down the front, it is easier to use. Then when your new kitten attacks it [and he/she will], the whole thing is unrolled and the house is tp'ed. If it goes over the back, a normal cat attack doesn't remove any. ;<)))

Best Wishes,,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), July 04, 2002.

Cherri, my twin nieces weren't scared of TP vanishing down the toilet, they thought it was great fun! My sister finally took to keeping the door closed all the time so they couldn't get in to flush another roll down the hole. It's not so good for the plumbing.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), July 05, 2002.

Outside. Who raised these "innie" people anyway?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), July 05, 2002.

Lars, You need ton get rid of the problem. Remove the holder and put the roll on top of the tank.

-- JOHN (JOHNTL@MTN.ORG), July 06, 2002.

saniwipes is the only way to go. Be sure to use left hand.

-- (Abdul@the.oasis), July 06, 2002.

Do you think there's a correlation between belly-buttons and toilet paper? Both of us here have swirls, so this isn't a big issue, although my preference is to place the paper so as to roll down the wall. This could be a habit developed while the kids were toddlers, however, as just like cats, they tend to "bat" at the roll and watch it fall to the floor.

SO's grandson totally destroyed the wall-holder in the guest bathroom when they lived here for a year, so the paper in that bathroom sits on the tank. Last time I went to HER house [Thanksgiving before last], she had NO paper in the bathrooms. Maybe the kid was still using the stuff for fun at that time.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 06, 2002.

No paper?! Visions of bedous clacking and cracking rocks or Tanzinia leaf pluckers.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), July 06, 2002.

I prefer Brit toilet paper. None of this sissy Charmin shit-paper for a real man.

-- mr whipple (pleeze@squeeze.me not), July 06, 2002.