My boyfriend was married thru catholic church. But, then one year later, they divorced. Now, I want to marry him but I want to marry him in (a catholic) church. Is this possible?

-- Misty Soliz (misoliz@yahoo.com), June 30, 2002

Answers

Misty,
It may be possible, but no one at this forum can say for sure.
Your friend should visit his Catholic pastor and discuss the situation. That is the proper way to start.
God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), July 01, 2002.

Misty, if he was previously married in a catholic chuch the church will recognize that as a valid marriage,he would have to speak to someone at his church to get the paperwork to fill out to file for an annulement. I know this because last year I went through the same thing, only my husband was Catholic and had never been married I had been married before (at the time I was not Catholic) We had to submit paperwork to the Diocese to get the annulement before we could be married in the Catholic church. We had our marriage recognized the same day I got confirmed this past Easter Vigil. Our civil ceremony was a year before that. There is some paperwork but having your marriage blessed by a priest and recognized by the church is a wonderful thing! Best Wishes! Jana Jana

-- jana (krissee72032@yahoo.com), July 05, 2002.

When a catholic person murders another human being, he/she can go to a priest, confess, repent, and resume on with his/her catholic life (including taking the communion) like nothing happened. Instead when a devoted catholic who had been married by his church, divorces and then re-marries, he/she is still considered a "sinner" and is not allowed to be married again nor is he/she allowed to take communion (as ratified this last April, 2003 by Pope John Paul II). I am one of those "sinners". One that has two beautiful boys, product of that "sinful" relationship, but who were still baptized by a catholic priest who was in full knowledge of our marriage. Look, I love my wife, I love my children, and before all I love God, but being treated by my church as a "reject" for wanting to get God to bless my beautiful marriage and taking his body and blood during every sunday service is something that makes us think twice about the ways of our Church. What did we do that is so wrong?...Did we kill someone?...Did we break any of the ten commandments?. If there's a priest reading this, please answer.

-- alex (aunte13@hotmail.com), May 11, 2003.

Jmj
Hello, Alex.
I am not a priest, but it does not require a priest to answer your questions and comments.

Question 1: "What did we do that is so wrong?"

Answer 1: How can you even ask, since you certainly know the answer? You freely chose to do something you didn't have to do, something that you knew the Church teaches God forbids us to do -- attempt a second marriage when your spouse was still alive.

The reason that a repentant murderer is able to receive the sacraments, while you are not, is simply because he is "repentant," while you are not. You want to persist in a forbidden "union," while the murderer has put his past evil-doing behind him. Do like the murderer, Alex, and you too will be able to receive the sacraments.

Question 2: "Did we break any of the ten commandments?"

Anawer 2: Are you familiar with the Ten Commandments? If so, then you know #6 [#7 to some people] -- "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Not only "did [you] break" this commandment, but the crux of your problem lies in the fact that you want to continue to break it.

Your comment #1: "Look, I love my wife, I love my children, and before all I love God ...

Response: I'm sorry, but I don't believe the third part. Someone who truly loves God does not persist in commiting mortal sins of adultery.

Your comment #2: "... being treated by my church as a "reject" for wanting to get God to bless my beautiful marriage and taking his body and blood during every sunday service is something that makes us think twice about the ways of our Church.

Response: Are you really Catholic, or is your message an anti-Catholic ruse? I have never heard a Catholic refer to Sunday Mass as "sunday service." The Church does not treat you as a "reject." You are not excommunicated. You are not prevented from attending Mass. Even your children were baptized, you said. Direct your anger and sadness into a solution, not into Church-bashing, please.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 11, 2003.

I overlooked one thing, Alex ...

In responding to one of your comments ("I love my wife, I love my children, and before all I love God"), I wrote: "I'm sorry, but I don't believe the third part. Someone who truly loves God does not persist in commiting mortal sins of adultery."

I should have said also that I doubt the first part, regardless of whom you meant.
Your real wife is the woman you married in the Catholic ceremony. I don't think that you "love" her. Trying to marry another woman does not show her any "love."
And you don't show true Christian "love" to the woman you now consider your wife, because you are allowing her to take part in adultery with you.
JFG

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 11, 2003.

Misty,

You've gotten some good information here. Have your boyfriend contact his local parish priest or the Diocesan Tribunal to begin the annullment process. If his first marriage is found to have been invalid/null then it will be possible (presuming there are no other obstacles) for the two of you to get married in a Catholic Church.

And for Alex,

The responses you've gotten from John are essentially accurate though perhaps stated a bit more forcefully than I would have. The Church does not recognize civil divorce. As far as the Church is concerned what's happened here is that you've married someone while still married to someone else. Have you considered initiating an anullment process? If the first marriage is found to have been null (contrary to popular usage the Church is not the one that "nullifies" a marriage - it investigates to see whether or not the marriage was null or valid from the very beginning) then this marriage could be recognized in the Church. There are 3 basic areas the Church looks at in questions of marriage nullity: form, impediments and consent. There are lots of sub-categories. Your pastor or the local Tribunal can explain it all to you.

I truly hope and pray that you find healing and peace.

-- Fr. Michael Skrocki, JCL (abounamike@aol.com), May 11, 2003.