here are some microsoft jokes. enjoy... Q: How many Microsoft engineers are needed to screw a light bulb??
A: None! They just change the standard to darkness.
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb
A: They can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
=== The president of Lotus walks into an elevator with a gun in his hand. In the elevator are: Adolf Hitler, Sadam Hussein, and Bill Gates, but there are only two bullets in the gun!
Q: Who does he shoot???
A: Gates. Twice to be sure.
====== Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died? He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you go to Heaven or Hell.
The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter and asked him if he wanted to see Heaven and Hell before stating his preference.
"Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and roll, where everyone was having a great time.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!"
"Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to see Heaven?"
"Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a bunch of people were sitting in a park playing bingo and feeding dead pigeons.
"This is Heaven?" asked the Windows programmer.
"Yup," said the angel.
"Then I'll take Hell." Instantly he found himself plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, with the hosts of the damned in torment around him.
"Where's the beach? The music? The volleyball?" he screamed frantically to the angel.
"That was the demo," she replied as she vanished.
===== Is Windows a virus? ------------------- No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
They replicate quickly. Okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature
So, Windows is *not* a virus
===== I have hacked into Microsoft and stolen their Windows 3.11 code and here it is. I am sure that they would love any improvements for the next version.
#include #include #include char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; main() { if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(); if (fast_cpu()) set_wait_states(lots); set_mouse(speed, very_slow); set_mouse(action, jumpy); set_mouse(reaction, sometimes); printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right or just call it Chicago)\n"); if (system_ok()) crash(to_dos_prompt); else system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE); while(1) { sleep(5); get_user_input(); sleep(5); act_on_user_input(); sleep(5); if (rand() < 0.9) crash(complete_system); } return(unrecoverable_system); } ====== If Microsoft made movies: ------------------------- * You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch the movie at the same time.
* If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a candy bar, the movie would pause.
* They would announce that the next versions of the movie would enable colour blind people to watch in colour, and the deaf to hear it.
* The film would break every 15 minutes and in the most important parts.
* They would announce new breakthroughs in movie technology - colour and sound - forgetting that most other movies have had these for years.
* Every new movie would require a new projector.
* The projector would claim to take 32mm in film size, but in reality it would only show 16mm magnified to make it look like 32mm.
* They would claim to have invented comedies.
* Every movie would look pretty, but actually have mishmash holding it together, and contain no plot. Ooops! Sorry, that's from the "What if Hollywood Made Movies" list.
* They would promise you an action/adventure flick starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandra Bullock, but it would be 3 years late and end up being a sappy love story with Jim Carey and Madonna.
* Their projectors must have reset buttons, requiring you to start the movie over and over to have any hope of seeing the entire film.
* "640 seconds? Whose gonna watch a movie longer than that??"
===== That's all i know, if you know any, add to the list!!!

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2002

Answers

what site, did you copy that from?? no j/k, that waz fun

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2002

Too funny FC, looks exactly like a java script code though... heh. someone had way too much time on their hands to do this..

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2002

actually, it's C, not java script. Well, supposed to resemble C.

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2002

I don`t get the c++ joke

~poof~

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2002

Thats funny, hehehehe.

-- Anonymous, June 18, 2002

Well it has includes, so it pretty much has to be C.

-- Anonymous, June 18, 2002

Yeah, well I was just thinking of the
if { and else { syntax


-- Anonymous, June 18, 2002