Looking for feedback from others who may struggle also as I do with breaking free of EXPLOITVE and Abusive relationships ?

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The "Betrayal Bond" Index

The following are a series of statements which describe traumatic bonding in which a person (male or female) bonds in a very broken way, on the basis of some form a trauma and betrayal. The result is what we call a "betrayal bond". PLEASE REVIEW THE QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OWN PERUSAL and use as a aid to help in your recovery and healing to break the pattern.Please check any questions which would be true for you by markinga "X" in the space provided.

x

---- 1. Do you obsess about people who have hurt you even though are long gone?

---- 2. Do you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain?

---- 3. Do you go "overboard" to help people who have been dest--- structive and evn dangerous with you? ---- 4. Do you continue being a "team" member when obviosly things are becoming destructive? ---- 5. Do you continue attempst to get people to like you who are clearly using you? ---- 6. Do you trust people again and again who are proven to be unreliable ? ---- 7. Are you unable to retreat from unhealthy relationships? ---- 8. Do you try to be understood by those who clewarly do not care? ---- 9. Do you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away?

---- 10. Do you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willling to listen? ---- 11. Are you loyal to people who have betrayed you?

---- 12. Do you attact untrustworthy people?

---- 13. Have you kept daging secrets about exploitation or abuse?

---- 14. Do you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility ? ---- 15. Do you find yourself covering up, defending, or explaining a relationship? ---- 16. When there is a constant pattern of non-performance in a relationship, do yo continue to expect them to follow through anyway? ----- 17. Do you have repetitive, destructive fights that are no win for anybody?

----- 18. Do you find that others are horrified by something that happened to you and you are not? ----- 19. Do you obsess about showing someone that they wrong about you, your relationship, or their treatment of you? ----- 20. Do you feel stuck beacuse you know what the other is doing is destructive but you believe you cannot do anything about it? ----- 21. Do you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that are damaging to to others? ----- 22. Do you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with the desire of converting them to a non-abuser? ----- 23. Does someone's talents, charisma, or contrubutions cause you to overlook destructive, expoitive, or degrading acts? ----- 24. Do you find you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust,like or care for the person? ----- 25. Do you find yourself missing a relationship evn to the point of nostalgia and longinig, that was so awfuls it almost detroyed you? ----- 26. Are you extraordinary demands placed on uou to measure up as a way to cover up the expotitaion and abuse? ----- 27. Do you keep secret someones destructive beavior because of all of the good they have done or the importance of their position or career? ----- 28. Does your relationships have contracts or promises that have been broken which you are asked to overlooked? ----- 29. Are you attracted to "dangerous" people? ----- 30. Do you stay in a relationship longer than you should?

HERE IS A WAY TO MAKE SENSE OF YOUR ANSWERS:

YOUR SCORE: POSSIBLE Indications:

Between 0--4 N

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2002

Answers

What if i aunswered yes to all the questions? is that a bad thing?

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2002

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