GWB reaches out to the liberal whinersgreenspun.com : LUSENET : Unk's Troll-free Private Saloon : One Thread
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily-armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly ecommended in your letter.
Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your yard)--but look on the bright side ... no increase in the toilet paper bill! He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others."
Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back negative so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually)since he views females as a sub-human form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use several copies of the Q'uran. Oh, and rest assured that he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more than 2 or 3 days dead.
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder" is such a good way for people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your job better.
Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize your property, and to arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 federal laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way.
That is what you wanted, right?
Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember ... we'll be watching.
George W. Bush
-- Put Up (email@example.com), June 13, 2002
Oh, I like this one a lot.
-- Free (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 13, 2002.
Oh, this is REAL intelligent! First they are "alleged" terrorists, since Dumbya doesn't have a shred of proof that they did anything illegal. But now some dimwit has concluded that they are definitely "terrorists" since they have dark skin and arabic names.
-- ROTFL (typical fascist @ repug. bigotry), June 13, 2002.
Like a rock!!
-- Dumb (email@example.com), June 13, 2002.
since they have dark skin and arabic names.
Let's parse this dishonest trowaway remark. Like other Mediterranean peoples (Greeks, Italians, Sicilians, Turks, Israelis, Spanish, Maltese, etc) Arabs come in a range of hues. Undiluted, they are swarthy Caucasians. They do not necessarily have "dark skin". Mohammed Atta-boy was as light as a European. Mary Anne Pearl, Israeli wife of murdered Jewish-American journalist Daniel Pearl is very brown, definitewly a "person of color". People from India, no friends of your murderous Muslim heroes, are often much darker than Arabs. (although racially they are not African blacks).
So spare us your "dark skin" sophistry, white boy.
-- (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 13, 2002.
"So spare us your "dark skin" sophistry, white boy."
I was referring of course in terms of the way Dumbya and you idiot pugs view the world, nigga. Anyone who isn't a white redneck racist bigot has "dark skin" according to you folks.
-- lol (dumbya hates @ yo. black ass), June 13, 2002.
Again, for the terminally obtuse----
Let's parse this dishonest throwaway remark. Like other Mediterranean peoples (Greeks, Italians, Sicilians, Turks, Israelis, Spanish, Maltese, etc) Arabs come in a range of hues. Undiluted, they are swarthy Caucasians. They do not necessarily have "dark skin". Mohammed Atta-boy was as light as a European. Mary Anne Pearl, Israeli wife of murdered Jewish-American journalist Daniel Pearl is very brown, definitely a "person of color". People from India, no friends of your murderous Muslim heroes, are often much darker than Arabs. (although racially they are not African blacks).
-- (email@example.com), June 13, 2002.
Again, for the mentally retarded...
Dumbya thinks that anyone who is not a lily-white caucasian is "dark skinned", even the Chinese. You pugs believe everything that Dumbya tells you, so there you go. The reason you're confused Rolo boy is because yous a nigga pretendin to be white.
-- LOL (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 14, 2002.
Dumbya thinks that anyone who is not a lily-white caucasian is "dark skinned", even the Chinese.
And how do you know this, little one? Reading bathroom walls again? When you quote someone, it's good practice to provide a link, preferably two.
And what will you do when this place closes? Back to the paper route? LOL.
-- (email@example.com), June 14, 2002.
The problem with trollboy is that he appears to be as intelligent as the great minds of the Left.
-- I call them as (I@see.them), June 15, 2002.