While I'm being nosey, (and aren't we all really!), ;) why are you single?

Divorced, widowed, never found anyone you clicked with, relationship impaired? Like being alone? What?

I guess I'll go first, only fair, right?

I've been in a few serious relationships. Long term, serious, serious! But, I never did marry. Never felt like I could commit to a "lifetime", for whatever reasons. I do have children, (gasp)!

I've been with great guys, and jerks both. Live and learn, eh?

A huge issue in my past relationships, I say this in hindsight, was values, communication, and lifestyle choices. For instance, you can put a city boy in the country, but.....even if he says it's what he wants...I've found it isn't...

So? What about you?

-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 02, 2002

Answers

I never planned on being single this long, it just sort of happened.

When I was younger I always pictured myself with a Wife, 2 1/2 Kids a Dog and a Picket Fence. Instead I'm Single, no Kids, 3 Goats and old Pallets for a Fence!

I have considered getting married a few times, but I always found an excuse to back out. If I ever do get married I only want to do it one time.

-- Mark in N.C. Fla. (deadgoatman@webtv.net), June 02, 2002.

I got close to being married once, (ONCE! ! !), you know that urban legand of the best man passing out pics of the bride during the reception?? luckily, one of my friends handed me the pics 3 DAYS before the date!!! thats about the longest relationship I have had also,, almost 4 years with her. DOnt know why I havnt had another one that long,, seems I havnt had a serious one since then either, not that I DONT want one, just havnt found one thats clicked

-- Stan (sopal@net-pert.com), June 02, 2002.

Why am I single? Because I always gave her what she wanted to at least a 50/50 compromise.

Divorced? Of course. Widowed? Once. Always finding relationships that "click", one day at a time, not relationship impair. I try to make them work , "one day at a time", give my spouse as much as I can without feeling that I am losing my identity. Maintain the fidelity of our relationship. Spend what time we can together, don't force her to take part in my interests unwillingly, ask to not be forced to participate in her interests unwilling. Wake in the morning happy with our relationship, the knowledge we are sexually atracted to each other, have the same views of fidelity, have the means to maintain our lifestyle together for at least 5 years or my lifestyle alone for 3 years, each of us to have an isolation zone available to us if we choose. Brutal honesty within our communication between each other and the opportunity to go to bed content and look to the coming day to do it all over again. And most important, when the fire is gone and the embers are cooling, we end our relationship before starting another (my ex didn't understand how important that was to me). Like being alone? I'm a traveler of life, I enjoy company in my travels and can also relish the solitude.

My first wife and I travelled life together for 18 years, with three splits in our path, but the first two followed the points I listed above, the third split of paths was beyond her control and I met my second wife after I continued on alone. She chose not to accept me as I am or compromise on our differences and wanted to leave and I agreed with her decision. Now along my solitary path I find women that are traveling the same general direction and willing to have introductory relationships that may or may not lead to marriage, but bring me happiness for today. Maybe my life has turned into a Bob Seger ballad, maybe it always has been. Either way, life is good!

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), June 02, 2002.

Hi mark, I can totally relate. But who doesn't want happily ever after? And yes....I guess, odd as it may sound coming from a "sinner", I believe in the commitment of marriage.

Sorry Stan. OUCH. But better before than after, eh?

So Mark, curiosity (killed the cat, I know Iknow),...DEADgoatman?

......mmmmmm, yeeeees, yes, I think that could be classified as a "turn-off", LOL ;)

-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 02, 2002.

Three years widowed this month.

Married one month out of high school, so I was married for what seems like my entire life.

Each day I think I enjoy my solitude and independence more! Meeting and beating the challenges has been fun.

-- Granny Hen (cluckin along@cs.com), June 02, 2002.

Granny,

I can relate to the challenges. One cool thing I found again since my divorce is there are other people my age that all early retired and they hang out at the lake in the late evenings like we did as teenagers. This is turning into a great summer.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), June 03, 2002.

Divorced 8 years! Long history before marriage of dating getting ingaged and not being able to follow through. I've been engaged so many times. Married 10 year, two kids. He had an affair with a friend and co-worker and asked for a divorce. I moved north to the country to live my dreams. I had been promised a lot while we were married!

Had a 4 year relationship that ended with him vanishing one morning while I was out. That was two years ago and I really haven't had anything musch since. Right now I am feeling really secure with myself and my situation and haeve no interest or need to have anyone in my life. It is a good feeling. A companion would be nice but I'm not looking for anything deeper right now.

Mark, I had only intended to do it once and for good too! I don't think any of us get married or into a relationship with the intend of divorce or it ending sometime down the line. But it takes two people with the same commitment and will to work on what they have. He changed his mind along the way and forgot to tell me.

-- Susan in MN (nanaboo@paulbunyan.net), June 03, 2002.

Divorced for 8 years, he decided he liked the booze and the other women better than the wife and kids. I haven't found a relationship since then that I would want to make on a more permanent basis. Athough I am looking.

-- Sherry (tlnifty@ecenet.com), June 03, 2002.

I'm sorry for your losses Jay and Granny Hen. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be.

And I'm also sorry to here about others' heartbreaks...it's definately a tough thing to go through.

-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 03, 2002.

Patty,

After going through the sorrow, hatred and depression, I accepted the fact that part of me crossed over with her, while part of her remained with me, keeping me on my path that I travel today. and my ex wife helped me further down the same path. The women I date now, give me occasional company as I travel that path further still.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), June 04, 2002.

What doesn't kill us will make us stronger?! I think that is how it goes. I guess I have to agree but sometimes I wish I didn't have to be so damn strong all the time.

-- Susan in MN (nanaboo@paulbunyan.net), June 04, 2002.

Heh heh, Susan. I agree. I mean yes, yes look to the positive, blah blah. :) But don't those "inspirational quotes" sometimes just make you want sneer and mutter, "Aw shaddup! YOU make lemonade!" (Razzle- frazzle, kick a clod a dirt.)

B^P

-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 04, 2002.

Yep Patty, especially when is seems to work against you in more ways than is helps you. Oh well, I'm off to the garden to see if I kill myself or get stronger! LOL If you all don't hear from me have a party in my name.

Susan

-- Susan in MN (nanaboo@paulbunayan.net), June 04, 2002.