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The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums  for practising  Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been  introduced as part of  the Government's maths campaign.     1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee  at Old Trafford and David is  65  yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and David  can run at 16mph, who  willbe  sticking  their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face  first, assuming  Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way?     2. If one minute of  time is taken up in a game for substitutions and  one  minute for injuries, how  much injury time will be added on by the  referee  if Man Utd are losing at  home?     3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of  internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the  miraculous  recoveries he made for the following Saturday.     4. Manchester United are  one of the giants of world club football. How  many more European Cup Finals have  they appeared in than Steaua  Bucharest?  (For one extra mark; How many more than  Reims?)     5. Phil has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of  appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just  about  kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left?     6. You are the  referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender  does a tumbling United  forward have to be to earn a penalty if he goes  down in the box? (Note; Round  your answers down to the nearest 20  metres.)     7. Mark "The Red" lives in  Guildford. How much does it cost for him and  his two sons to travel to the  Theatre of Silence every other weekend,  including limited edition matchday  programme, a few drinks and prawn  sandwiches all round? How much could he save  per week if he watched his  local team instead?  (Note; round your answers down  to the nearest thousand pounds).     8. Alex had a hotel room booked in  Glasgow for the Champions League  Final.  How much money will he lose when  cancelling his reservation?

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2002

Answers

Response to  The Official MUFC Maths Workbook

LOL

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2002

Response to  The Official MUFC Maths Workbook

Its not that i personally have anything againt man u but:

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs? A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb changing" commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to Torquay.
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the pearly gates and out walks St Peter with a Leeds scarf. "Hello mate" says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven". "WHAT?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard, no Man Utd fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Man Utd supporter. "Oh really", says St Peter "What have you done, then?" "Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa". "Oh" says St Peter "anything else?" "Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless" "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans." "Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the Boss." Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now f*ck off"
Q: What do you have when 100 Manchester United Fans are buried up to their neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Manchester United Fan in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What is the difference between a Manchester United Fan and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
A Scouse van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a lift,climb in!" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the ba*tard. However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting sh*te, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan" "That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the f*cker with the door!"

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2002