50 degrees - Southerners turn on the heating - people in Newcastle plant gardens.

40 degrees - Southerners shiver uncontrollably – people in Newcastle sunbathe.

35 degrees - Southern cars will not start - people in Newcastle drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Southerners wear coats, gloves and wool hats - people in Newcastle throw on a T-shirt (girls start wearing mini-skirts).

15 degree - Southerners begin to evacuate - people in Newcastle go swimming in the North Sea.

Zero degrees - Southern landlords turn up the heat – people in Newcastle have the last BBQ before it gets cold.

Minus 10 degrees - Southerners cease to exist – people in Newcastle throw on a lightweight jacket.

Minus 80 degrees - Polar bears wonder if it's worth it - boy scouts in Newcastle start wearing long trousers.

Minus 100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole - people in Newcastle put on their long johns.

Minus 173 degrees - alcohol freezes - people in Newcastle get frustrated because the pubs are shut.

Minus 297 degrees - Microbial life starts to disappear - The cows on Newcastle Town Moor complain of farmers with cold hands

Minus 460 degrees - All atomic motion stops - people in Newcastle start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.

Minus 500 degrees - Hell freezes over - Sunderland qualify for Europe

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

Answers

Approaching permafrost

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

Little Motty had a giggle at that.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

Thought this was serious until I got to the end of the last line

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

Classy stuff :)

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002